I really have no idea what the rules of fencing
are and I think that's why I enjoy it. Yeah,
like whether you choose wood post or metal post.
The amount of backyard that you're covering,
I think that also comes into play. I have shit
on this podcast. So here is to conversation.
I mean, there's got to be ups and downs, right?
Take two. Welcome to the Cash Exchange. Welcome.
What's up? Not much. I am about to lose my mind
in this hundred degree weather. I'm ready to
break out the fall clothes. I already have, but
it's still unfairly hot in Austin. I don't want
to toot my own horn or maybe say I have it any
better than you do, but currently the forecast
where I am is tomorrow has a low of 63. And then
it dips down into the 40s later in the week.
I want that. I want sleeves weather again. You
mean like these? Like these sleeves that I'm
rocking right now? For the record, I am in a
flannel, but I'm also in a very cold apartment.
So I'm dressed for the season that I want, not
the season that I have. There you go. It's like
a job interview. Yeah. Dress for the job you
want, not the one you have. Channeling my inner
Katy Perry. Do you hear about her? No. And Trudeau?
Thankfully, I know what? Yeah, her and Justin
Trudeau. That is a thing that is currently happening
right now. Wild times. He's got a thing for astronauts,
and she's got a thing for fellas in blackface,
I guess. Was Orlando Bloom a fellow in blackface
at some point? Maybe. I don't know. One of the
Pirates movies, probably. Different times. All
right, you ready for your three things? What
do you got? All right, what do Pepsi ice cucumber
that 70s show and Cletus T Judd have in common?
That 80s show. What'd I say? That 70s show. That
one's not obscure. Did I say that 80s show or
that 70s show? You said 70s show. God damn it.
Try that one again. All right. All right, you
ready for your three things? What do you got?
All right, what do Pepsi ice cucumber, that 80s
show and Cletus T Judd have in common? I don't,
I've never heard of Pepsi ice cucumber, but I
want it. Do they make it currently? It is a Japanese
delicacy. Can you get it in the states? I don't
really, I don't know what the tariffs would be
like on a can of Pepsi. I don't know. I don't
know. Emily runs into this a lot because she
is a filthy northerner and they have a lot of
things from neck of the woods that we just don't
get down here one of them being mellow yellow
Which is a coke product. It's like it's the It
yeah. Yeah, that's like the northern squirt.
Apparently northerners don't squirt. They They
just mellow yellow anyways, and so on my travels
I look for it. I look for mellow yellow and usually
don't find it uh one place we can get it locally
is like through a uh one of those coke mixing
fountain things like at amc theaters they have
mellow yellow most of the time when you stop
coke freestyle that's what they're called uh
but as far as like the bottles or cans you can't
find those in stores usually really i thought
that they were available i feel like i've seen
mellow yellow but it it might have been from
the coke freestyle machines yeah or it might
just be a seasonal thing i don't know but Next
impossible to find. You can get them shipped
to you from Walmart, but you're paying like $12
a case. Top of what it would regularly cost because
I don't think $12 a case is crazy. Well, that
plus shipping and the shipping is like another
eight bucks. You're paying $20 for 12 cans that
if it were any other soda that is available locally,
it would be like, I don't know. Six five six
something like that. I don't know the last time
I bought a case of sodas So I don't know what
those numbers are supposed to be well Yeah, I
think of it in terms of like if you were buying
it at a like sporting event like 20 bucks is
not terrible if you consider the fact that you're
getting like 12 cans from a baseball game kind
of thing 12 cans at a baseball game for soda.
You're not paying $12 for that. I know you're
not but it's a It's a matter of perspective.
I guess, yeah. Yeah, there's one time I had bought
Kenny Chesney tickets for a concert at Cowboy
Stadium, called him to a radio station, be caller,
whatever, 96 or whatever, and I won Kenny Chesney
tickets. I gave the ones that I had bought to
you and mom, I think, and I went. And essentially,
it wasn't free because I'd already bought tickets
to it, but I felt that it was free. And so I
just thought that meant I had carte blanche to
just go wild. Boy, did I. Those like $18 hurricanes
and the long plastic tubes are... You're drinking
hurricanes? No joke. That is a hangover from
hell. Oh, it was. Anything that comes in those
long tubes anything that's that's you're able
to drink on the street in New Orleans or Vegas
just death But I did get to hang out with Mike
Eli again again. We got to rekindle that friendship
Oh, yeah, I used to hang out with him all the
time back in high school. Yeah, he used to do
these shows at This little barbecue place. They
would usually do like solo shows I have stories
from that place for another time like the time
that I got permanently banned So he would be
outside afterwards, like smoking a cigarette
or whatever, and I'd just go hang out with him,
and we would just hang out and talk for a little
bit, and then he'd go do his thing. Same thing
with Casey Donahue. I met a lot of people there.
And then also at that concert, Casey Musgraves
was out with her grandma, so I met her and her
grandma. I met Casey Musgraves that day, too.
Yeah. Shortest dress a person could possibly
wear without getting a public indecency charge,
but I wonder if... Granny Musgraves is still
kicking it. All right. So Pepsi iced cucumber,
which is something that I very much want to seek
out now. That 80s show and Cletus. Not that 70s
show, not that 90s show. That 80s show. I do
not care for either of the other two, even though
that's how we got Dennis Reynolds. That 80s show
was garbage. That 90s show, nostalgia bait nonsense.
I've only seen that 80s show in reference to
these terrible sequels we can't believe got made.
Yeah. Terrible spinoffs, I guess. I mean, terrible
spinoffs could be a pretty solid through line
for all three of these. Cletus T. Judd is just
a spinoff of Weird Al. I could probably get some
heat for that, but he's not not a spinoff of
Weird Al. I want to preface this and say that
the topic of today's episode, there is no commentary
on the quality. Cletus T. Judd had some great
stuff. He had my cellmate thinks I'm sexy. How
do you milk a cow? I forgot how do you milk a
cow. This is true. This is true. I'm not saying
that Cletus T. Judd wasn't solid. I'm not saying
that Pepsi Ice Cucumber is not a great variety
of Pepsi. I am saying that that 80s show is a
crappy reboot of that 70s show. It is a crappy.
Yeah, I caught that. I am... I'm censoring myself.
It's fine. With that in mind, they are still
not the best or the original version of the thing.
That is correct. And you are right on the precipice
of what this episode is about. They are obscure
versions of Big Popular Thing. There we go. There
we go. And especially in reference to the Olympics.
Do you make Olympics fan? No, not really. I watch
the certain like events and stuff that are covered
the most every year. I love the gymnastics portion
because although everything is obviously an incredible
feat of human ingenuity, I think the gymnastics
ones are the only ones that like I personally
see is like I don't bend like that. So that's
that's kind of incredible. So superhuman. Yes,
the only superhuman one to you. I mean, it's
not the only superhuman one to me It's the only
one that I engage with I think although I did
I do always look for the meme ones the pole vaulter
who Did not quite stick the landing. Oh, he stuck
something he stuck something. Hey, what was her
name? The break dancer girl ray gun ray gun ray
gun the sport that was only in the Olympics for
one time That's actually a lot more prevalent
than you think. Yeah Uh -huh. Yeah. How do you
feel about uh, what's her face? What is her name?
The tiny one. Snowmiles. What do you think about
her? Do you have an opinion? I think she's an
incredible gymnast. Nothing about her being a
quitter? No. No? Oh, okay. What about her being
a quitter? I don't know. I mean just the last
Olympics she was in, she decided that she couldn't
mentally handle the team events, but she could
do the individual events. I don't know, just
rubbed me the wrong way a little bit. I think
that's valid. Especially if you're at a caliber
of like Simone Biles, Michael Phelps, like any
of these people who have won just so many of
these solo events, you know that their level
of discipline and their level of like perfectionism
is really really hard to match with other people.
It doesn't really matter at the end of the day
how in it all of her teammates are. At the end
of the day like you can only kind of rely on
yourself in a situation like that. So she's valid?
I think so. I don't think that it's a dig on
her teammates. I think that she, if you get to
a certain level like that, you're kind of incapable
of working with others. That's just how your
work ethic, how your skill set has been built.
Then why be in the team events at all? You know
what I mean? I mean, it's possible that she was
required to be in those plus the or to be eligible
to do the solo events and then once she had enough
uh like clout behind her name then she was able
to say no to them but she couldn't necessarily
have done it before maybe to be a part of team
usa you have to be a part of team usa and then
she eventually became simone viles before she
was team usa yeah i mean i don't know i just
think that uh she put a lot of uh i think it's
just bad optics sure absolutely i get the uh
i get the mental aspect of it but to say no when
all these other people are counting on you, but
then whenever it's just you be perfect, perfectly
fine or well enough to do your part. To be fair,
I don't also know a great deal about the situation.
So that is, I think it makes sense from that
context, but I also don't really understand the
bigger things that play necessarily, especially
not following the Olympics as closely as Do you
know the original Olympics ran from 776 BCE to
393 CE? I did. Was it always done for the same
purpose? Like was that entire run supposed to
be as a tribute to Zeus? Yes, the original. What
stopped the original Olympics? I think the world
just started getting too spread out and a lot
more infighting. They would have a, I forgot
what it was called, it was some Greek, ecu -syria?
Yeah, that's what I'm going with, ecu -syria,
Olympic truce. Like even during war times, these
countries would let Olympians travel safely from
site to site, even if they were at war. Unlike
now, where... They have to have this weird workaround
in order to have Russians compete in the Olympics.
That is interesting. I mean, there's a lot more
politics that I think bleed into... Oh, without
a doubt. ...into the modern day Olympics. Yeah.
I mean, you're dealing with a lot more different
cultures. You're dealing with a lot more different
space in between. You're dealing with a lot more
information from all sides, from everything.
So it's, I mean, I guess... giving them the work
around for the Olympics is something close to
what it used to be, but I don't know. I mean,
the whole thing is so politically motivated and
all the mess that went into Paris, was that last
year, right? Was it last year? I think it was
last year, because summer is during an election
year. So, yeah. Summer is the, yeah. And then
winter is next year. Did you ever think about
the fact that Jesus could be at the Olympics?
Jesus just sitting in the stands with his popcorn?
He was sitting in the stands not competing. You
think they wouldn't have entered some kind of
loaves to fishes kind of competition? He could
have cleaned house. What do you mean? He could
have. He could have. And that actually comes
up later in the episode where there have been
competitions where just one country was competing.
because no one else could compete in it. Yeah.
Or wanted to. I think we're maybe thinking of
different things, but a little bit of a flash
forward to the the first of the modern day Olympics
in nineteen hundred. Mm hmm. France had so many
competitors that there was a lot of there was
a lot of competitions that like they won because
nobody else either knew the sport or like wanted
to compete because there's weren't enough people
from other places. Mm hmm. I went I went. Little
ways into the rabbit hole in the 1900 Olympics
and they're they're wild. They're wild But I
do love the idea that Jesus could have competed
in the Olympics. It brings me joy. Yeah the Sports
that I'll go ahead and get into this one now
the sports that France swept because no one else
wanted to participate is the is the hottest of
Olympic sports and it was croquet That game that
you bought a set of for the backyard you used
one time and then you just started using the
mallets to just whack at everything. You just
watched the croquet balls weather in the sun
for several years until you feel reasonably able
to throw it away. Just sitting there fading,
having to move them every time you mow. Do you
know how many spectators they had at the inaugural
and only croquet competition in the Olympics?
One. One ticketed person. You know, I like to
believe that if I were in an era where, A, I
could purchase things myself, because, you know,
women weren't always allowed to do that. But
like, if I had... Oh my, here we go. I'm not
trying to make this political, but this is also
1900. It was a different time. If I had the kind
of disposable income that you would have had
in the year 1900, I would be buying tickets to
absolutely everything. I would be the second
man in those stands for the croquet competition.
But back to the original Olympics, if Jesus were
to be in an Olympic sport, not just a spectator,
of one that we know actually existed, what do
you think would be the best one? If Jesus participated
in the Olympics. Like rowing? It'd just be a
jog for him. I don't know what the specifications
are for rowing, but I don't think you're allowed
to walk on water even if you can. In that case,
would it be one of those situations where the
weightlifters have the chains and then they're
pulling 18 wheelers? Is that how that would go?
Would he just be towing the canoe? full of the
other other people yes yeah also could he theoretically
do a diving competition or is it like a flat
plane of glass would he be like scrooge mcduck
in it or is this a tom and jerry like jumping
off a jumping off the roof kind of thing i don't
know i don't know i mean that's the question
i have could will himself to let the that i don't
know I think Jesus could find a way to make it
work. He is the way. He can find a way. I think
maybe he would just be like the lifeguard on
the side of the Olympic pool, more than a participant.
Hey, that's honorable. That's honorable. Yeah,
the Olympics were held in the Peloponnese region
of Greece. Don't ask me where that's at. I just
know it's in Greece. And it was a religious festival.
to honor the greek god zeus in all their naked
glory that's a weird footnote about uh ancient
olympics is that they were competed in nude and
women could not compete situation would be vastly
different not vastly different but it would have
been a different game you wouldn't be able to
show it on nbc i can tell you that much it's
more of an ifc kind of competition now i don't
even know if ifc still exists that's where you
see it my whitest kid you know was ifc channel
They think the first one was in 1776, that's
the earliest one they can find records of but
they think it was probably started before that.
Just a single event is what started it all off
and it was a two roughly 200 meter sprint called
the Standian. Over time more events were added,
wrestling, boxing, chariot racing, long jump
javelin, discus and the brutal pancreation mix
of wrestling and boxing with almost no rules.
except that everyone has to be naked. That's
the only rule. Do you get whatever the 776 BC
equivalent of a cup was? No. You're just speed
bagging some testes. That is logistically confusing.
No, just logistically confusing. It was open
to free Greek men, no ladies, with their bits
all over the place. People that won got an olive.
Wreath. They were very famous. Statues were made
out of them. They were imbued on clay pots. And
in artwork, juices were highly coveted, if you
know what I mean. I do, but I really wish you
didn't say juices. And they got like lifetime
perks from the city, state, area that they were
representing. Free smoothies at the mall food
court kind of thing? Binion food court? A key
to the city. I don't know what an ancient Greek
key would look like. What does a key look like
in that situation? It's just a little log that
they put to keep the door locked, keep you from
entering. You get to know a secret knock. Actually,
I do know why they ended. I forgot I put this
in my notes. The games continued for over a thousand
years until Roman Emperor Thaddeus I banned them
in 393 CE. or ad depending on your persuasion
uh considering them a pagan festival so maybe
jesus wasn't at the olympics maybe he boycotted
them long before people were boycotting for rainbow
i don't i don't even remember what the big controversy
was there were drag queen performances that's
it feels like a million years ago i don't know
yeah yeah and then oh and then they did the uh
they did the last supper tableau And that's what
people were up in arms about. So we went, I don't
know, roughly 1500 years without another Olympics.
The idea was revived by a French teacher named
Pierre de Colbertin. Do you think he's related
to Stephen Colbertin? For his sake, I hope not.
Who admired the classical Greek tradition and
wanted to promote international peace through
sport, which is very noble. I don't know if that
has carried on in the 200 plus years, 130 years
since, but you know, it is still, it's a noble
aspiration to reach for. Sure. They came back
to the motherland in 1896, back to Athens, Greece.
14 nations competed and there were 43 events
and then since then they just started slowly
building and building with both winter, summer
and winter Olympics. I don't know, I didn't write
down when the winter Olympics first started.
I didn't have that one either. But somewhere
in there in the last 130 years, they decided,
hey, let's see how we can go down a hill. Was
there no hill -related sports in the 1900s? I
mean, we had air ballooning. There wasn't one
that was like, what if we could go down instead
of up? Not from my notes. Competitive barrel
rolling wasn't a thing. It should have been.
That would be wild. It should have been. Some
of the stuff they did come up with, I don't know.
In 1908, there was, it was called motorboating.
Yes. What was the Olympic sport of motorboating?
It was how long you can go. I phrased it the
way that I did to try to keep us on top. I mean,
it was motorized boat racing as fast as a boat
in 1908 could go. So I'm sure it was a slow going
venture. Yeah. But people were not impressed.
They were upset about the fact that this has
absolutely nothing to do with the human body.
So it only lasted that one Olympics in 1908.
Disappointing. Is that also why we lost the hot
air balloon? Because I think that would be cool
to keep in the Olympics in present day, especially
now that hot air balloons are not anybody's means
of travel. I don't know that they were ever anybody's
means of travel, since you're kind of at the
mercy of the wind. I would think that they're
more of a novelty. Well, yeah, but... I don't
think that Phileas Fogg was... I think the fact
that he tried to travel the world in 80 days,
go around the world in 80 days, I think that
was a novelty thing. It wasn't like a practical
means of traversing the globe. Right, but lifting
600 pounds is not necessarily practical. I don't
imagine you do it all the time in your everyday
life, but it's cool to be able to showcase on
a world stage. We should bring back hot air ballooning.
Would it be a height thing? Would it be a distance
traveled? So it was height, duration, and technique,
I believe. whenever it was actually in the Olympics.
It didn't last very long, but there was also
kite flying, and I don't really know what humans
can control about kites. Have you seen kite fighting?
No. Kite fighting is cool. I mean, okay, maybe
cool is not the word. That is an incredibly nerdy
thing to say. It is an interesting thing to watch.
I like going out and getting my kite on, let
all the string out. Where does one watch kite
fighting? I've seen it places. I'm sure it's
YouTube. I feel like that's a thing that you
kind of have to see like in person for it to
be impacted. Let's see what YouTube has to offer.
Kite fighting Afghanistan was the second search.
Kite fighting so dangerous and deadly Brazil
considers national ban. Are we talking rope?
There is a five and a half minute op -ed documentary
on kite fighting from the New York Times if you're
interested. Welcome to the exciting world of
kite fighting and kite flying. So it's a thing.
Okay. Don't get me wrong. I have not done a single
bit of research into why kite fighting is dangerous.
But in my head, it's the same reason that like
in the 2010s people would get avocado hand. where
they would, like, try to cut into the pit and
would go too far and cut themselves. Because
what injury do you get while fighting with kites
besides, like, string burn? Friction -burned
fingies. But, like, do you not wear gloves? Can
you not protect yourself? Strangulation? Is there
not regulation to...? You just say stringulation.
I said strangulation, but stringulation is much
better. you get a wild wind coming in all of
a sudden it's whipping you around next thing
you know your final destination destinationing
it and the coroner has to put cause of death
kite string in that case i would want my cause
of death to be marked down as strangulation you
flew too close to the sun metaphorically and
literally oh my god electrical injuries are something
you run into with kite fighting i had not considered
that you might bin franklin yourself Did we not
learn anything from Ben Franklin? Fascinating.
What? Kite fighting. I'm telling you, man. Maybe
you should talk about bringing that to the Olympics.
I support it. Since breakdancing got the boot.
You got to fill that void somewhere. How did
we only make it one year? How did Ragon ruin
it for everybody? Well, besides all the shadiness
of how she actually got to the Olympics and everything
involved in that, the fact that It looked very
dumb. And the fact that she or the scoring was
completely nebulous and meant absolutely nothing,
I think is is how it only lasted one year. The
scoring for anything is going to be kind of nebulous.
Aside from your posture and things, if you were
doing like an Olympic dive or gymnastics or anything
like if you if you miss your footing, you get
docked, obviously. Other than that, like it's
it's pretty subjective, I think. And when it
comes to breakdancing, if you try to take breakdancing
seriously, it's going to look silly. It just
is. It is not meant to be a... It's not the waltz.
There's not like a right way to do it. It's expressive.
There definitely should have been points for
cardboard throwing down. That's where you start.
It's a necessity. You walk up, you throw down
your cardboard, you get graded on that. And then...
She's out here like a Beyblade, just kangaroo
hopping. Oh, if you haven't seen it or you haven't
seen it in a while, do yourself a favor, look
up Raegun at the 2024 Paris Olympics if you need
a little chuckle. Genuinely cannot believe that
was one year ago. Do not feel bad for laughing
at her because she spent every waking moment
since then being a completely miserable person.
and suing people for defamation for anyone that
talked about her awful, god -awful performance.
I both understand why she did the kangaroo hop
because, you know, she's Australian, but you
kangaroo hopped on international television.
You have to expect that somebody is going to
mock you. And then trying to turn it into this
philosophical thing and just stop. Just if she...
if she had a sense of humor about it and did
not try to make it more than what it was, then
it would be fine. And people would be like, hey,
it's Reagan. It's the break dancer at the Olympics.
But she chose not to take that road. And the
fact that she did a doctorate dissertation on
break dancing and its impact on urban communities
is just so wild and so dumb, so dumb. is the
modern day equivalent of the Streisand effect.
We would have forgotten about it. We mostly did
forget about it. But if you bring up the word
Reagan, everyone, forever, is going to think
of the silliness that was breakdancing at the
2024 Olympics. Yeah. Ridiculous. Silliness. All
right. What are your favorite less popular events
at the Olympics? The... I don't... watch a ton
of the less popular ones. I did watch fencing
last year. Fencing was interesting. I really
have no idea what the rules of fencing are. And
I think that's why I enjoy it. There's like specifics.
Yeah. Like whether you choose wood post or metal
post, whether it's chain link or privacy slatted,
or I think also the amount of backyard that you're
covering. I think that also comes into play.
I can't have shit on this podcast. There was
a sport. I don't think it's like whitewater rafting.
And that was the most enjoyable thing I watched
last year by a mile. That, my friend, is canoe
slalom. Canoe slalom. That was so fun to watch.
And it's just these people doing an agility course
in water with a canoe. or it's not even it's
a kayak, but they're like fully like one with
the kayak because you can't risk being in rapids
and your like boat getting tipped over. and filling
with water. So you are literally like vacuum
sealed. Suction cupped in. You're suction cupped
in to the canoe. And it is so fun to watch because
you'll see these people like capsize and then
just like bob back up. And then you got to go
through gates. I mean, it's just like the winter
slalom. It's so fun. Actually, I had something
about this one. I thought I did. But as the gold.
I'm pretty sure the United States has taken the
most gold in the canoe slalom. There was a time
earlier in its Olympic history where there was
C1 and C2. B1 is one person, C2 is two people.
There was an Olympic or two, it might just been
one, that two twins from the U .S. won it together.
two brothers won the and then the ladies were
like oh this isn't fair oh and then so they took
away the c2 and just made a men's and women's
division oh yeah but the they were what's it
called when they're it was coed you know tandem
intramural what's the difference between coed
and intramural is there a difference is it just
intramural when it's in reference to a sport
i always thought intramural i thought intramural
just meant like not professional. It was co -ed.
We'll just go with co -ed. Sure. It was co -ed
until the ladies got all, got their speedos in
a bunch. And I'm like, hey, no, we need men's
and women's. But yeah, two American twins won
the C2 canoe slalom, slalom, slalom. That's what
we were going to say. Was it the Winklevoss twins?
It was not, no. They're rowing. Yeah. Which is
the, the croquet of water sports, rowing. So
you say that you watch the more mainstream ones.
I do. So you watch the relays? I watch a bit
of the running one, a little bit of the swimming
one, like the swimming events, the running events.
And obviously my favorites are the gymnastics.
Yeah. Do you partake in any race walking? I do
not. Do you know what race walking is? Is race
walking that fine line between like... Running
and walking where you kind of just look like
you have to poop. Yes Yes, you are you are racing
as carefully to the bathroom as you can Get that
the Hank Hill, but the whole time the actual
rules are You have to keep one foot in contact
with the ground and maintain a straightened leg
at all times Which is where you get that weird?
clinching walk and it just seems like that just
seems like Chase City Absolutely. Yeah, that
sounds awful. Why is this a sport? Could not
tell you, but it is one that has stood the test
of time. It's one that has hung around. How long
has it been in the Olympics? Yes, that is a great
question. It kind of reminds me of those videos
of people that are like running a 5k or whatever
backwards and then they like reverse the video.
So it looks like they're running forwards, but
it just looks really wrong. Common distances.
range from holy moly 1 .9 miles to 62 .1 miles
you can is it is that an ultramarathon I don't
know how long an ultra or no, that's 30 miles
right 60 miles two marathons. No an ultramarathon
is one and a half 30 miles Like one and a half.
Yeah Or actually no, I guess that's not one and
a half. I don't know. I was looking into the
the Taco Bell ultramarathon a couple weeks ago
in Denver which is the only reason that I know
it's 30 miles, 31 point something, which is honestly
the wildest concept I've ever heard. It first
appeared in 1904 as a half mile walk in all around
competition, became a standalone event in 1908
with 1500 meters and 3000 meter races. In 2024,
at the Paris Olympics, there were three race
walking events, men's and women's 20 kilometer,
which is 12 point four to seven miles and marathon
mixed relay a new 26 .2 mile event with 25 teams
of two alternating legs on just over 10 kilometers
so I don't understand the physical aspects of
race walking I know you just explained it but
like I can't wrap my brain around like you not
being able to like bend your legs you having
to have one foot on the ground at all times.
I mean, when you know the rules, then those motions
and the method they do it actually makes sense.
But it also seems like you are putting a lot
of strain on like your calves and your hamstrings,
tensing them up to make sure that they stay straight
that entire time. I mean, as far as the ones
that I have on this list, I think that race walking
is despite the fact that it looks completely
silly. It looks so silly, but so fun. is actually
like one of the ones that like is actually something
and something worth having in the Olympics. They
look so wobbly. I'm watching a video of people
doing the little shuffle shuffle. What about
the pentathlon? You mess with the pentathlon?
What are the five pieces of a pentathlon? So
I would be interested in what the genesis of
the like the decathlon and the pentathlon and
and all these things because I Like originally
I think that it was like a test of endurance
and like stuff that you would be Stuff that was
like involved in a war like especially in like
ancient Greece war where you're it's a lot of
running It's a lot of jumping. It's a lot of
spear chucking and all that kind of stuff But
I couldn't I can't think of a single scenario
in which a person would need to fence, swim,
be involved in equestrian jumping, pistol shooting,
and cross -country running in the same time frame.
So I just googled the pentathlon and I feel like
it's also important to note that it's not just
equestrians. You're doing it with an unfamiliar
horse. I don't know why they added that in, but
you don't get to know your horse ahead of time.
Do you have to bond with it first? I hope so.
You have to bring it carrots? Bow to it. You
have to have you have to keep sugar cubes in
a little watertight container while you're swimming.
The running and shooting part is also a laser
pistol. Awesome. You get to play laser tag as
your fourth event in this pentathlon. It's not
an actual actual gun. I think that I am going
to tune in more to next times this next Olympics.
This sounds a lot more fun than I was given the
Olympics credit for. I mean, I guess now that
I'm looking at all of it, it is very soldier
based. So I guess it does make sense. Maybe it's
not as silly as I thought, but just grouping
all these things together in the same event just
seems weird. So maybe race walking and modern
pentathlon will get a pass and should not be
on this list, but they're still fun to talk about.
They are indeed. I don't understand how all of
these things would go hand in hand. Like I can
understand maybe like, no, I don't understand
how any of these play into each other. In what
situation am I going to have to swim a distance,
steal somebody's horse, and then get off that
unfamiliar horse and do a sprint and laser gun
shooting display? Is this... Space Red Dead Redemption.
You forgot the sword fighting. I forgot sword
fighting. Would you do that on the way to steal?
Is that how you would steal the horse? Well,
no, because you have to swim in between sword
fighting and the unfamiliar horse. So you have,
there's a break of water. All right, hear me
out. Between you and that horse. Hear me out.
Sextafalon. That's just the prefix. What is the
sixth event? Horse bonding. And you have to go
in there like an avatar. You have to connect
your ponytail to their tail. There's a scene
in Family Guy where Joe is talking about being
a horse whisperer, and this horse is just bucking
and unruly, and he goes, shh. That's right. I
calmed you, you stupid horse. That is all I can
picture for what that event would look like.
I'd be down. Just tweak it a little bit. Sextafalon,
horse bonding, fencing, swimming. horse bonding,
equestrian jumping, pistol shooting, cross country
running. How do you competitively horse bond?
You hop on its back and it doesn't throw you
into the next county. I have an alternative to
pitch for the show jumping section. Instead of
an unfamiliar horse, I would argue we should
use unfamiliar hobby horses. Hobby horsing is
just The most fun looking event that I've ever
seen. I don't think I could participate because
I just don't think I could participate. I don't
want to learn to make my knees work like that
more than anything. Being able to jump like a
horse is both a feat, it is an accomplishment
and also the silliest thing I've ever seen. Better
or worse than race walking? Same word in a different
font. If any of our listeners are not familiar
with hobby horsing, I am. genuinely begging you
to look it up. It is so fun. There are competitions
every year in Finland, and it has been pitched
to the Olympics several times. Fingers crossed
for 2028. I will tune into all of the Olympics
if they also include hobby horsing. Well, best
of luck. But tell me that it wouldn't be the
most fun thing you've ever watched if for show
jumping, you have to jump on the back of a hobby
horse. You're just piggybacking a lady from Finland.
Hold on. So you don't hop on the hobby horse
-er. You become the hobby horse -er. No. I think
instead of an unfamiliar horse, you have an unfamiliar
person who does hobby horsing. It's a two -in
-one. So you're piggybacking. Yes. Interesting.
But they still have to be able to do the jump
thing. Interesting. Which, for reference, looks
like Timmy from MadTV. Look what I can do. Stuart,
not Timmy. Stuart. Stuart. I knew nothing. Let's
go home Stuart. I've had whitest kids you know
on the brain. We've been talking about Timmy
a good amount in the last week. Oh yeah? It's
good. I catch a lot of it on TikTok now and YouTube.
There's a, I don't know if we've already talked
about this, but there's a 24 hour loop on YouTube
of whitest kids you know. Emily, not so much
a fan. It's just very silly. Not everything is
for everyone. That's all right. We don't yuck
people's yums. We don't. Hey, a future episode
alert? All right. So race walking, modern pentathlon,
those are... I have softened my heart to them.
Something you will not soften my heart to is
trampoline gymnastics. The steward of Olympic
activities. At first blush, it does sound pretty
sweet. In... practice, it is very dumb. It's
literally, uh, it was introduced in 2000. It's
literally just, uh, flipping on trampolines.
It's, uh, something you can go see every weekend
at your local trampoline park. Same thing, but
these adults have quote unquote trained for it.
And, uh, yeah, just not for me, dog. I'm terrified
of trampoline parks. I don't like the germiness
of them. They are. incredibly unsanitary in the
way that like a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit would
be and also incredibly dangerous. Yes. One wrong
land and your ACL is toast. Well, not just that,
but like I always have like just like this. I
don't think it's an irrational fear, but someone
just jumping down one of the springs gives way
and you've got a flying projectile that is traveling
at like 100 feet per second right into someone's
noggin. What do you think the insurance premiums
are on these types of places? And they make you
sign a BS waiver. But you can't sue if you are
double -balanced and... No, you can sue. You
can sue. There's always ways to sue. We went
to an event, a school event thing, and got in
for free. And the two older ones and the woman
was like, and do... Do we need some adult socks
for you? I'm saying no. No, I'm good. I'm just
spectating. Okay, and you filled out the the
waivers I said, yeah, and I filled out the the
BS waivers Okay. Oh, I only have two on here.
We need one for everyone I already told you that
I'm not not participating and neither is the
other adult with me know your body that's how
they get you even a free night's not a free night
and They're like, no Everyone that comes in has
to have a waiver Why? Because you just said it.
What if one of the springs comes loose and is
a projectile? I guess so. Yeah. It's not, it's
not discriminant against the people who are not
on the trampoline. That is, yeah. I guess now
that you say it out loud, that does make sense.
And that, yeah, that, yeah. So filled out this
phony baloney waiver and then kids did their
thing. Actually this, this wasn't a, this wasn't
a trampoline park. It was a slide. place that
exists now. You go pick up a mat and then you
go to the top of the slide. You slide down the
slide and then you do it over again. And you
could not pay me enough money to put my body
on one of those gross mats. So I was just pretty
skeeved out the whole time. Yeah. There is a
person at my complex who has been like trying
to push the leasing office to buy yoga mats for
our like little gym thing. And I can't imagine
wanting to ever share a yoga mat with another
person. There's no amount of sanitizing. It's
like 10 bucks. Buy one. Why do you want to share
a yoga mat with strangers? Maybe it's their thing.
I can't shame them. Watch me. I am absolutely
yucking this person's young. Ew. That is gross.
that is gross but trampoline gymnastics have
you ever heard the term artistic swimming you
know i can't do regular swimming but i might
be able to do the artistic kind i'm at least
half there's there's no what can you tread water
half able to do that yeah i won't die if i'm
dropped in water can you though i'm just not
good at it yes can you tread water can you keep
your head up not well but technically yeah so
it would be a deathly struggle just for you to
keep air in your lungs but you think that you
can couple that with doing a synchronized dance
with people around you unless you synchronize
the flails because uh spoiler alert this is what
was formerly known as synchronized swimming oh
when did they change it i don't know i just want
to make it more bougie i guess i don't know artistic
swimming FKA synchronized swimming, a blend of
dance, gymnastics, and swimming, but usually
only seen during the games. So this is a thing
that only happens for the Olympics. I mean, I'm
sure they have like qualifiers and stuff, but
you never see just like synchronized swimming
regionals. I mean, I think you're maybe just
not in the right circles for that. I mean, I
can flip through the channel. I can see regionals
for water polo. I can see regionals for diving,
swimming, but never synchronized swimming. Sure.
Yeah. I still think you're maybe on just like
the wrong part of the internet in that situation.
You don't seem like the type that your algorithm
would need to feed you artistic swimming. Maybe,
maybe. If I do see it, it's AI generated. Which
speaking of two things I wanted to get to before
we get into the no longer obscure, no longer
Olympic events that are 1000 % obscure and don't
know how they got in the first place. So on my
TikTok feed, I have been seeing a lot of AI generated
content based around the Olympics. And one of
them, a couple of them have gotten a chuckle
out of me. And I just want your input on whether
you think that it should be petitioned to be
put into the Olympics. The first one, Olympic
dish washing. Yay or nay? What? I should preface
this with it. It is a female only sport and that
is all the information I have about it. Yay or
nay? Could it be sponsored by Dawn? I'm gonna
go ahead and say nay until they also involve
men in competitive dish washing. Equality, man.
I'm a great dishwasher. I'm a professional dishwasher.
I was paid to wash dishes. I still wash dishes.
I'm no longer... I'm retired. I'm no longer professional.
back in the amateur circuit. But as far as this
TikTok is concerned, it's a female only sport.
How many of these hypothetical AI sports are
sexisms? I mean, depends on what your definition
of sexism is. Only involves one sex. Oh, okay.
Okay. Well, the second one, sandwich making.
This one does involve both sexes. The man is
just in a recliner for sandwich grading purposes.
Still building a sandwich? No. Is he still building
the sandwich in the refiner? No. Then he's not
competing. He's the judge. He's the judge. It's
a co -ed competition. What do you mean it's a
co -ed competition? What is the man competing
in? In judging of sandwich making abilities.
I guess. I don't know. Is someone judging him
on his judgment? Yes. Yeah? It's an absolutely
incorrect thing to only include women on the
making of sandwiches because everyone knows that
Shaggy would be the best sandwich maker there's
ever been. If we're going with artificially generated
stuff anyway, then Shaggy would be the best sandwich
maker. Okay, but he would never take credit for
the sandwich that he made. He'd say, hey, did
you make this? You know damn well that I mean
the other one. He would say it wasn't me. Would
he have to make it butt naked on the bathroom
floor? It's one of the original Greek Olympic
sports sandwich building. Anyway. Would you have
to wear a hairnet? Anyways, third one. Third
one was ironing. I don't know what... Chinese
patriarchal jackass is working my algorithm,
but those are the three Olympic events that have
popped up on my FYP. Extreme ironing is an actual
sport. It is a sport? Not an Olympic one, but
it is a sport. Is starch involved? Extreme ironing
is a sport where people iron clothes in challenging
and remote locations like on top of a mountain
halfway down a cliff or underwater. Is it coed
though? You know, oh my god according to the
extreme ironing bureau apparently Extreme ironing
is quote the latest dangerous sport that combines
the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with
the Satisfaction of a well -pressed shirt. Do
you get an ironing board? Do you have to lug
an ironing board up the mountain? Huh? Okay,
is it coed our men and women graded the same?
I Don't know ungee ironing. Okay, that's just
silly. That's horrifying and And sounds very
dangerous. Is this is this real? There's a very
long Wikipedia article about this and I don't
I'm gonna have to fact -check it because I am
Baffled by this concept. All right, you get back
to us on that. It seems like it's a real thing
before we depart From artistic swimming. Did
you know that from 1984 to 1992? There was a
solo synchronized swimming portion of the olympics
i did it is where athletes performed elaborate
routines judged on how well they matched the
music you were synchronized it was synchronized
swimming but just with yourself to yourself they
performed to movie scores from phantom of the
opera and star wars amongst many others and i
i'm very curious now to find a video of someone
swimming in sync to the imperial march well that
looked like like a underwater lightsaber fight
with yourself? Yes, I think so. Do you get to
bring props? That would be very cool. I would
hope so. You're watching from the nosebleeds
and you just see the little like green thing
wobble back and forth. Alright, ready for the
discontinued obscure Olympic sports? Let's go.
From 1900 to 1920, the tug -of -war which I think,
I mean, it could be exciting. You put a pit in
the middle, everyone falls in. To recreate squid
games? With less death, yeah. Still some, probably.
Probably. I looked into the background on Olympic
tug of war and apparently they got, it got nixed
because Americans were upset that British police
officers were the ones that were doing their
country's version of the tug of war. They thought
that it wasn't fair. Why is it not fair? because
I think we were maybe not sending our A team
in the states and the police officers because
there wasn't really like regulation on attire
necessarily were in like rubber boots so they
had a lot more traction than the Americans did
and so instead of just like also having the same
kind of shoes that would give you an advantage
in the games they just cried foul play and then
they just banned it from the competition. It
was also a little bit hard to regulate because
it required so many people on each team. It was,
it was hard to... With the amount of obesity
we have in the United States, do you think we
would just be a shoe in now? No, because we don't,
it would require, I mean, it would require probably
a couple of anchors, people that would just like
add stability to the team. But if it's a whole
team of anchors. There's not technically a reason
I guess that wouldn't work. And then You get
one actual tugger, and then once the other team
is just so exhausted from trying to pull these
whales from the other side, then all the tugger
has to do is just, well, then boom, you win.
It's a very, uh, Dredrick Tatum fights Homer
Simpson way of winning the Olympics. Oh, what
about live pigeon shooting? I am against that
for animal rights reasons. I assume that a great
deal of pigeons were killed in that. Birds don't
feel pain. So, just like fish. I mean, birds
aren't real. They're just government drones.
But, be that as it may, I still think it's unfair.
So, for live pigeon shooting, this only occurred
one year. As it should. 1900 in Paris. Literally
shot live pigeons that were released into the
air. It was the first and last time live animals
were used as targets. Over 300 pigeons were killed.
Is skeet shooting a part of the Olympics? Like
clay pigeons? Yes. Yes. It sure is. Uh, it was
replaced by clay pigeons in later games. Uh,
the winner, if you could call him that, I'd call
him a big old loser for what he did to all those
pigeons, was Leon de Lunden from Belgium killed
21 birds. 21? 21. I don't, I would assume this
was with a shotgun. I would assume so. Yeah.
I don't know if it, I didn't get any word on
whether it was pistols, shotguns. I would assume
it was shotguns. But, yeah, 21 was the gold -winning
total. And then, like you said, I had solo synchronized
swimming, 1984, 1992. 1984, USA, USA, in Los
Angeles. Tracy Ruiz, 1988, in Seoul, South Korea.
Erlen Waldo of Canada. And then in 1992, its
final year in Barcelona. Kristen Bab Sprague
of USA, United States of America, baby. Two of
the three. And after 1992, the solo version was
dropped, leaving only duets and teams. Oh, I
had some more notes for Tug of War. Teams of
eight pulled a rope until the other was dragged
six feet. Oh, and then I got the note about the
boots too. 1900. Gold went to Sweden and Denmark.
They were a combined team that year. 1904. United
States, 1908, Great Britain with the police officers,
1912, Sweden solo this time, and 1920 in Antwerp,
Great Britain again. And then that was the last
year. I thought that there weren't medals in
the first Olympics. From what I understood, they
just gave out like trinkets essentially if you
won, because they were still trying to figure
out like how to actually perform the games. And
so I think people were given prizes instead of
just medals. I might be wrong, but I feel like
I remember that from my research. Many winners
received cups or trophies instead of medals.
The International Olympic Committee later determined
that many of the 23 events were not officially
considered Olympic status events. This was 1900.
The total of 68 medals awarded were 23 gold,
23... silver and 22 bronze for the 23 events
the IOC recognizes today. So there were actual
medals. There were actual medals, yeah. You ever
heard of obstacle swimming? I wouldn't blame
you if you hadn't. No, that sounds awful. It
was a one -off, 1800. They were just getting
their feet under them, so they were just throwing
everything at the wall, see what stuck. What
in your mind would obstacle swimming be in a
competitive They just threw a bunch of nonsense
in the water and were like swim from here to
here. Swimmers had to climb over poles and boats
in the water before finishing their race. You
remember the big stink at the last Paris Olympics
about swimmers swimming in the... In the Seine?
Seine. Yeah. And how it was just a poop river?
They pooped in it. They took... Oh, just people
were just dropping trowel as a protest. French
protesters really just on another level. French
are just the worst at everything. Yeah, this
was like the 1900s version of American Ninja
Warrior. Okay. But in water. Yeah, traversing
over poles, anything they could find to just
throw in the water to put in between you and
the finish line. Okay. Throw some sharks in there
for good measure? Yeah, maybe. Why not? Oh, you
didn't always have to climb over. You could also
swim under. Fn that's what you wanted to do,
but I don't think that I would want to You never
swim under a boat. I mean, I don't know if they
were motorized boats. Maybe in 1900 it would
be less scary. Yeah, I don't know The taker of
gold was Frederick Lane from down under Australia
the Gold Coast and I did not get the distance,
but he accomplished it in two minutes and 38
seconds 200 meter two and a half minutes and
eight seconds yes impressive let me get that
in freedom units real quick 0 .124 miles so let's
bring that down a little bit to feet an eighth
of a mile feet let's bring that up a smidge to
yards 218 .723 yards this is some olympic level
math you're doing right now now let's uh let's
really get it down here uh seven thousand eight
hundred and seventy four inches How many centimeters?
200 meters in centimeters? Yeah. It's 2 ,000
centimeters. I can do that one. 20 ,000? That
one's easy. No. Yeah, 2 ,000. No, 20 ,000. 20
,000. Two zeros. Come on. Yeah. Okay. You done?
You done? Can I continue now? Are you done converting
the same number 15 times? So you went to a freaky
deaky school. that decided to concern themselves
more with academics than athletic prowess. Is
that fair to say? It's fair to say, yes. It was
also, is it fair to say, in a converted grocery
store? For a brief window, yes. For a couple
of years of my school, I did go to a converted
grocery store. Formerly a Piggly Wiggly, if we're
being real semantic -y. The first ever grocery
store. Did you know that? Piggly Wiggly? First
ever supermarket, yeah, in the world. Wait, no.
It wasn't a Piggly Wiggly. It was a Winn -Dixie.
I was wrong. Your fun fact is null and void.
Are you sure? Sorry. I think you're wrong. Oh,
no, no, no. I'm not saying that the first ever
grocery store wasn't a Piggly Wiggly. I'm saying
that the one that I went to school in wasn't
a Piggly Wiggly. It was a Winn -Dixie. Okay.
Okay. Yes. The first ever supermarket was Piggly
Wiggly in Memphis, Tennessee. Opened on 9 -11.
So while you were in a Winn -Dixie, a converted
Winn -Dixie or whenever they gave you a proper
building. Did you ever have to do a rope climb?
No? Not once? Well, rope climbing was an event
from 1896 to 1932. You had to climb a vertical
rope. You were judged on speed, but then you
were also judged on form. The rope was anywhere
from 18 to 15 meters. And in 1986, the inaugural
modern Olympics in Athens gold went to Nikos
Something Greek and Andrea Coppola's Nikos Andrea
Coppola's 1904 and st. Louis Greg are not not
Greg George I sir From United States take on
the gold and he was a gymnast with a wooden leg.
Do you think that would help or hurt? I think
it's kind of an advantage for weight. You don't
have to pull as much up and you've already probably
gotten more reliant on your... Your upper body
strength. Yeah? Yeah. I wonder why the British
didn't cry foul. 1924 in Paris. Bedrik Supsic
from Czechoslovakia and 1932 Raymond Bass from...
the United States of America. Yeah. Not much
to say about that. I mean, it's just, it's literally
just rope climbing. So, what about jude palm?
Do you know what jude palm is? I'm trying to
make a guess, but I don't know what any of those
individual things mean in English. What if I
said jude palm? Would that help you any? Handball?
Close, close. This was 1900. It was a one -off.
It's indoor tennis, but your hand is the racket.
Isn't that... Just isn't that what handball is?
I guess, I don't know. Maybe. Squash meets handball
is how it's described. Okay. I don't know what
squash is. You know what squash is? If this is
a safe space. If you talk about the vegetable,
I swear to God I will end this call right now.
Oh, man. No, I do not know what the sports squash
is. It is. So have you ever been to a gym that
has these big, they look like quarter basketball
courts? It's like a basketball court, but it
has one wall is glass, and then the other one
is just like a concrete wall. One person stands
on the front part of the court, the other person
stands in the back, and the front slams the ball
against the wall. The person in the back has
to hit it, and then you go back and forth until
someone misses it. It's loud. It takes a lot
of space to do it in. more upper echelon gyms
are gonna have it. It's like a, I don't know,
same vein as like golf. Like it's like something
that richer people do. Oh, gotcha. And that's
squash. But yeah, 1900, the only time it was
ever done. And it went to Jay Gould II of the
United States. That name sounds like the kind
of person who would win that sport. We are on,
we did pretty well. The United States did pretty
well for these discontinued Olympic events. We
talked about motorboating, croquet, and we talked
about that in the beginning. All events were
swept by France because they were the only ones
competing and one spectator. And then the last
one I have is 1900 basque pilota. It's like,
it was compared to, I guess the modern equivalent
of it is like a high lie. You know what that
is? No. with the big curved thingy. You catch
the ball in it and then you like fling it out
against the wall. And then the other person catches
it flings it back. Yeah, that was 1900 Spanish
game. Spain was the only country competing in
it. And so by default, they took home the gold.
I wonder how much of the OG Olympics was just
a bunch of people from other countries Having
to sit down and have the rules explained to them
like a board game or like a card game that no
one really understands It's a 30 -minute demonstration.
You remember none of it You just have to to play
and hope for the best, you know You know the
sport from the early Olympics that I would absolutely
love to compete in dueling pistols dueling pistols
only lasted in two of the Olympics. I'm surprised
it made past one. 1906 and 1908. The reason that
it lasted was because no one was in danger. It
was dueling pistols, but you were dueling with
a dummy named Gregory. So it was... What? You
fired wax bullets at mannequins dressed in frocks.
It was essentially like, it was meant to show
your form in the case that you were in a gentleman's
duel, which I think is genuinely phenomenal.
I would love to bring that back. But isn't part
of the duel the concern that the other person
will draw first and kill you? You would think.
So doesn't that take out that entire element
of it? Still think it's fun. I still think it
would be a good sport to compete in. Yeah, I
mean, I think that, yeah, that would be a fun
one. If you don't have to worry about the part
where you could be shot in the head or you could
have a bullet. lodged in your side and Die of
Where's Hamilton? What did he where did he get
shot? I don't know abdomen I think so he ended
up dying of like sepsis, right? It wasn't technically
like from the wound I'm not sure cuz didn't he
die on the boat ride back to New York from Weehawken.
I don't know Your lack of knowledge I know situation
is that part of Hamilton that he dies on like
the boat ride home? I'm pretty sure. I don't
remember as much of the back part of Hamilton
as the beginning couple acts. I don't remember
as much from Act 3. What's that last one called?
Not the second to last one. It's not the ten
dual commandments. The world was wide enough.
Shot in the ribs. They row him back across the
Hudson. Okay, so maybe he did die in New York.
Angelica and Eliza were by his side when he died.
According to Lin -Manuel Miranda's take on Hamilton's
life. Yeah, when he got an awfully generous with
the relationship that him and Angelica had was
that overblown significantly I mean they they
didn't have a really relationship at all I don't
know a ton about actual Alexandra Hamilton just
musical Hamilton but that's all I got for this
one you anything else no that's all I got we
covered all of my My fun nonsense sports, hot
air ballooning and kite fly are still my favorite
things that were contenders for Olympic medals
at one point. All right. Well, you got any words
of wisdom to leave everyone on? Man, I had a
call to action from the beginning of this episode
and I already don't remember what it was. No,
I do not. I mean, I told everyone to go watch
the break dancing if they're feeling down. I
told them to watch hobby horsing. So that's your
homework for the episode, folks. All right. And
on that note, we'll see you. We're out. Peace
out, Girl Scouts.