With enough champagne to fill the hundred acre
woods. Welcome to Cash Exchange Presents. Welcome.
What's up? Not much. I just actually got off
the heels of watching this movie because I did
not get a chance to in the last few days. So
I'm hoping it's still very fresh in my mind and
it contributes to this conversation. Me too.
It's fresh in the noggin on this side. I even
have a shirt to commemorate this film. I did
not come as prepared. I have Freddy Krueger on
mine. Still spooky season related. All right.
Well, let's get into the movie for this week,
which is a movie that we have seen already. A
movie we actually saw together, the four of us.
We did. Your person, my person, our backyard
on an outdoor movie screen. And it is Winnie
the Pooh, Blood and Honey. That is the best way
to watch a movie, but probably a dick move to
your neighbors if you're watching something.
In the same vein as Winnie the Pooh, Blood and
Honey. Probably. But you know what? I don't have
much of a relationship with these neighbors,
so don't really bother me none. Zero bothers
given, as my shirt said, because I am very prepared
for today's episode. All right. Happy to hear
that. I was writing notes before I actually started
watching the movie, and I realized that... I
was blending the two because I actually really
enjoyed Blood and Honey too. I haven't seen the
second one yet. Yeah. Same director, whole new
cast though, right? No. I mean, so there's a
death that happens in the first Blood and Honey,
the one that we're talking about today, which
does affect the villains, but they just like
add in one more person. And, I mean, all of the
people that died in the first movie obviously
don't make a comeback. So I guess it is a cast
shakeup, but in the way that most horror movies'
sequels are. You got your final girl and then
some extras. There's also a good amount of overlap,
which makes me think that the horror movie actor
pool from the UK is fairly small. Because Sammy
from Tooth Fairy, A Drill to Kill, is Christopher
Robin's wife. And Ines, the teacher who is in
the shortest bodycon dress I think I've ever
seen, makes an appearance towards the end and
almost gets several people killed. Just like
her horniness got What's -His -Face killed. A
lot of similarities between this and Tooth Fairy.
So I am working on a theory that maybe in this
genre of film, it's a pretty common trope. I
think that the whole talking to a therapist and
the therapist talking about the incident and
then that being a way for you to give exposition.
about whatever, without actually having to film
it and having to show it, I think that that is
probably a go -to move for these movies because
it's cheap, it's quick, it doesn't take all that
much thought. So, I don't know. I guess we will
find out when we get to movie three, if the pattern
holds up. But this movie stars three people you've
never heard of. And three people you probably
won't see in a blockbuster of any type. Sure,
you have your Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 with
Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey. You
got your whatever trauma films we mentioned in
the B horror movie episode, but horror movie
episode, but. You got Nikolai Leon, Maria Taylor,
and Craig David Dowsett. And you would be completely
forgiven if as soon as I said those names, you
had already forgotten them. No shade to them.
Nikolai Leon, Maria something, and you lost me
completely by the third day. There we go. See?
See? No shade to them. They did fine with what
they had, what they're working with. Yeah. But,
yeah, I mean, I think that this is... Probably
one of those that is just maybe it's like a side
gig type of thing. I can't imagine these movies
taking that long to film. So I don't think there's
that much of a time commitment involved. You
could definitely be like a CPA on the side. And
what a cool draw for your accounting firm. Hey,
CPA also? Girl killed? I got wood chipper and
blood nutty. I got some stuff to say about that
wood chipper scene. All right. We got our director,
Rise, R -H -Y -S. How do you pronounce that?
Reese? Reese. Okay. Reese Frake Waterfield, which
I'm assuming is not American. I don't know where
Reese comes from. This was all shot in the UK,
except for one random American dude. He threw
a y 'all in there, and I almost had to turn off
the movie. They put one American in this movie
and he is the most redneck human being to walk
this earth. They countered him with I mean, I
mean, they complimented him with like the most
redneck British person they could find. Like
the most the most cockney dude that they could
find was was his compatriot, his partner. And
then the other two were not much better. It was
just like they picked like the hillbilly slash
redneck from each country and then just threw
them all into a truck in a muddy truck and had
them attempt to save the day. Spoiler alert,
it did not happen. It didn't work out. Their
bravado got the best of them. Did you look up
Rotten Tomatoes for this one? Yeah. I knew it
was pretty low, but I didn't realize that it
was quite as low as it ended up being. I think
the critics' score is a little harsh. I think
that they had a bad taste in their mouth because
it was definitely a cash grab for as soon as
the IP was available, this was out to the masses.
I think that the audience score is a little more
reflective of what this movie is for what this
movie is. The critic score is a 3%. And audience
is a 49%. Yeah. I wrote in my notes at one point
that I thought that this movie gave off the impression
of a Kickstarter project that kind of started
as a joke and then too many people funded it
and they were like, oh shit, now I gotta make
this. Or this was just one big screw you to Disney
so they made it for the sake of saying screw
you to Disney. I would go with probably the latter.
Like Screamboat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would go
with the latter. Yeah. That it was like, we can
do this now. You can't do a damn thing about
it. And they were smart because the character
itself predates Disney. Disney bought the rights
to it. And so their iteration of it, of the character
is still under copyright. Yeah. Their catchphrases
are still under copyright. So, in this movie,
Winnie the Pooh has pants, and Winnie the Pooh...
I would be horrified if he did not. ...does not
speak. Except at the very end, and it's very
stupid. Yeah. So, yes, it was definitely a screw
you to Disney. And it worked, because Disney,
I mean, this is still available. It's on Peacock
right now, free to stream. For your streaming
enjoyment. It's on Peacock. This one and the
second one. I don't know if we'll get around
to the second one. There's a line ahead of them.
But, yeah. Available. Everything. You can fact
check us on all of it. Everything's there. Budget
for this movie, which we kind of waffled back
and forth when we were deciding what the stipulations
were going to be for what. made our list and
what didn't. This one is at $100 ,000. So for
a B movie, that's on the upper end of the spectrum.
But the reason this one was a definite one that
we were going to have talked about was because
it was one of our three things for one of our
episodes. So this one, no matter what the budget
was, because we knew it was low. And there are
a couple places where I think that they blew
the entire budget. in this movie oh for sure
and then after that they're just like all right
we gotta make do with what we have left but uh
released on february 15th of 2023 in the u .s
and it's worldwide gross 7 .7 million dollars
if you were one of these actors and it was just
your side hustle if you were able to pull like
a percentage of the gross instead of doing like
the actual thing, I feel like you'd make a good
amount of money because of how many of these
things they churn out. I bet you would too. I'd
be interested to talk to one of them if Nikolai
Leon is available or maybe Maria Taylor. I want
the one who played Sammy. Oh, she's not in this
one. Huh? So she's not in this one. What do you
mean? She's not in the first one. We just talked
about it. She's not in the first one. She's in
the second one. No, she's not. She's Christopher
Robin's wife. She's in the first five minutes
of the movie. Oh, that was her? Yeah. Oh, there's
no way she got a percentage. She was in it for
like two minutes. Yeah, but she's in every one
of the movies that these people put out. So I
think that she's probably got it in with... I
didn't know that was her. We just talked about
it. I thought you said she was in the second
one. No, she's Christopher Robin's wife. She's
the... Spoiler alert. She gets strangled by Piglet
in the first 15 minutes of the movie. While he
just stands there. No! No! Piglet, stop! And
he's just not doing a damn thing. I have more
thoughts on that later. But do you want to give
us a synopsis of the movie? Okay. For the uninitiated?
Yes. So, we all know the story of Winnie the
Pooh. They are friends of Christopher Robin,
who, by all accounts, seems to be a loner. Maybe
a bit of a loser. We don't know. It's not really
expounded upon in this film. But I think from
everything we know and from him creating these
characters or finding these characters and spending
every waking moment with him in the Hundred Acre
Woods, that he is probably, you know, not all
there socially, you know. So they go about their...
their lives. And then there comes a time where
Robin realizes that he can no longer be there
in the hundred acre woods because he's got to
go to college. He's got to go be a doctor. And
so he leaves Winnie the poo, which we're going
to say poo in this movie or in this episode so
many times. And this grown ass man spins, I don't
know, 75 % of the movie just yelling, poo, poo.
All over the place. Just poo here, poo there,
poo everywhere. That sounds unsanitary. And he
leaves them to fend for themselves. Apparently,
in this version of events with Winnie the Pooh,
they became so dependent on him for sustenance
that when he left, they felt so betrayed and
so... distraught that they just could not go
on and turned from what I would assume are lovable,
happy -go -lucky creatures that live in the woods
to wild feral creatures, animals, things, hybrids.
Yeah. Because they have human fingers. They have
human feet. They wear human clothes. They don't
have human heads. So whatever they are, these
freaks go back to their feral state. And they
are just completely dead set on revenge against
what seems like all humans, but especially Christopher
Robin. And so the entire movie is just about
murdering out of abandonment issues. For fancies.
Yeah. Yeah, no real. There's one scene where
one of our woodland friends. partially eats a
person. But other than that, it's just, it's
just a free -for -all. Just do whatever you want.
The woodland friend who partially eats the person,
that person was Inez. Inez. However you say it.
Huh. Well, I'll be. Fun fact. Hmm. I, I enjoyed
the animated part at the beginning. I did too.
But I am. I'm still pretty pissed that the thing
that drove them to madness was that they had
to eat Eeyore. Of all of them. You couldn't have
gone like Kanga. You had to kill Eeyore. My question.
My question. What were they doing before Christopher
Robin came into the picture? It's kind of tough
to talk about this movie because so much of the
second one is their backstory. Oh, man. And I
don't... I don't want to like spoil things that
happen in the next movie. But I think I think
they were brought about in kind of the same time.
They're roughly the same age. And so Christopher
Robin was able to feed them from kind of when
they were when they found themselves in the woods.
So they didn't have to survive by themselves
ever until Christopher Robin abandoned them.
But there's going to be some times from birth
to early childhood where they're on their own.
Sure. What happens then? Christopher Robin isn't
toddling into the forest with a picnic basket
for who and all of his friends. So what's going
on there? I have an answer that I don't think
I can give you. I'll spoil the second one. Fine.
I'll watch the second one soon. It's up to you.
If you want answers, I will give them to you.
No. No, because I think that we owe it to the
people to do a second, a review on the second
one. So we'll just save it for then. So there
was a long list. There was a line for Cash Exchange
Presents. I didn't say when we'd get to it. I
said we will get to it. Okay. Okay. At some point.
All right. Well, from the context of this movie,
it makes no sense that they weren't fed for a
great deal of their lives. Okay. I'll put a pin
in that one. That great. That one, I'll put that
one off, off to the side. The animation was cool.
And I think that that's where they blew a lot
of their budget. Think so? I mean, I don't know
what the animation costs, but I can't imagine
it's cheap for a movie. They, cause there's two
scenes where they switched to animation and it's
not, it's not like crazy, like big stuff. It
seems like it's real, takes a real steady hand
and all that. I mean, it's, it's like, It's pencil
sketches. And most of the characters do not look
like the characters. They had to describe the
they had to name the characters and then show
you which one was represented by these little
pencil drawings in order for you to know which
one's which. And we get we get Owl, Rabbit, Eeyore,
Piglet and Winnie the Pooh are the group of creatures
that. He meets in the hundred acre woods and
be friends and then later abandons so that he
can go be a doctor or something. We never find
out if he went and got his doctorate, but that
is what was stated. He leaves and they are so
starved that they decide to sacrifice. Winnie
decides to sacrifice one of the creatures, animals,
whatever you want to call them. It's never stated
how it was decided, why they would pick on the
clinically depressed guy. Maybe because they
thought like he would he's the one that would
like miss life the least. So maybe that's how
they rectified it in their head. But there's
a scene where they're just like all cornering
him and it does not look like it was his choice.
I mean, I don't think there's ever a unanimous
decision when it comes to sacrificing a member
of the group. There's going to be one person,
at least, that has some issues. I don't know.
There was a story about a guy who met another
guy. I think he was Dutch, maybe. I don't know.
It's a pretty easy story to find. On a cannibalism
message board. And one guy met with the first
guy, did a full recording saying, yes, I agree
to be eaten by this fella. And he was, in fact,
eaten by this fella. And the guy still went to
prison. Huh? I mean, I don't necessarily think
that consent is the... biggest thing in that
situation not that it's not incredibly important
but like you still ate a person we have no real
concept of what that does to the psyche and i
don't think i want that person on the streets
that that person should not be free they should
not my point is that people can willingly it
has there is a precedent for people willingly
being cannibalized and yet Army Hammer couldn't
achieve his goals, not even being a nepo baby?
I don't know. I guess not. Anyways, they pick
on the depressed dude, and they're like, yeah,
you'll miss all this the least, so you'll be
fine. Sorry, bud. End of the pit. And, yeah,
they did create a nice burial for him. A little
placard with his name on it and then nailed his
tail to the marker. So they weren't completely
mad by this point. They also theoretically made
a shrine with his bones. That's in the second
little animated blurb. Yeah. Which that one was
confusing. We'll get to that when we get to it.
So the movie starts out with two people. You
don't know who they are at first. walking into
a wooded area. The man says, oh, I know where
we are. We're almost there. Woman says, you said
that two hours ago. Man says, oh, but I recognize
this. I know where we are now. Let's just ride
up ahead. And she says, I'll give you another
hour. But then after that, we have to turn around.
What? So this man has already been telling you
that we're almost there for two hours. And then
you're going to give him another hour. So instead
of turning back at this point, when you're still
alive, you're still good. And having a two -hour
trek back to your car to wherever, you want it
to spend another hour moving forward in this
nebulous direction and then have a three -hour
journey back? It makes no sense. Sure. But...
He's also talking to her about now that they're
married, he wants to show her all of his friends.
He was like, oh, but like, I don't think they
were married yet. She's like, no, he refers.
I don't. So I'm pretty sure it mentions in the
first like scene that they're in that she's his
fiance. But later he calls her his wife. So I
don't know. Hmm. Don't. I don't know. Maybe they
got married somewhere in the scene. I think he
said future. Mary and Christopher Robin. Something
like that. But yeah, he says something later
about his wife after certain things happen. And
they keep going in deeper and deeper into these
woods. The whole time, this woman is just like
saying, hey, bud, you're kind of like crazy.
He's like, no, no, poo is real. I love poo. Pooh
is my best friend. God, this man. Okay. If I
could go back and give these guys one pointer,
just one little note to maybe take into consideration.
Call him Winnie. Don't call him Pooh. Maybe that's
like a copyright thing, trademark thing. I don't
know. But this grown man. Like I said, spends
this entire movie just yelling out poo to anyone
that'll listen. Honestly, that didn't distract
me at all. I think this might be a you thing.
It distracted me a lot. Although I will say that
calling a six and a half foot tall behemoth piglet
is also a little silly. Yeah. Both of them just
stacked fellas and very agile for their body
shapes. Yeah. They got big old guts, but boy,
can they run. One thing leads to another. Mary
and Chris are talking and she's like, hey, you're
crazy. I don't think this stuff exists. And he
says, hey, no, they do exist. You don't believe
me? And she's like, no, like I totally, totally
believe you that you believe that this is true,
that these things exist. And they stumble upon
a shack. That's a whole house. It doesn't make
any sense. They're broken down cars. There are
relatively newish looking like motor, like RVs
or campers, I guess. Campers. Yeah. A full ass
bus. And then a giant vase holder of a liquid,
which you can gather has honey in it and a bloody
handprint. Chris is just like, let's go. Let's
go. I know this. This is from when I was a kid.
And so they go. They go into this house. For
whatever reason, the front door is on the upper
floor, so they have to go upstairs that are outside.
Is that another thing? Is this another UK thing?
All their houses, their front doors are upstairs.
So that's another similarity with Tooth Fairy.
And they go in and they find this crumpled up
just scrap of paper. And Mary says, Chris, it's
you. And there's no picture on this paper. But
he's like, why don't we get to see that? Who
would who would do this? And then you start hearing
some some heavy footsteps and like, oh, and dive
under some furniture and stay there for, I don't
know, quite some time. Lumber around the house
and then it cuts to later. It's nighttime outside
and there is a giant person figure in plaid snoring
on a cot. And so they're like, all right, this
this is our moment. This is where we get out
of here. And they run downstairs and just take
their sweet, sweet, sweet time escaping. And
yeah. The first jump scare, which is the only
one that really got me, it got Emily too, was
Piglet pops up right behind Mary and strangles
her with a chain, which is his preferred MO for
the murders. Yeah, that and a sledgehammer. But
fiance, wife, whatever, is being strangled by
this nearly seven foot tall, four tusked boar
hog thing. And Chris is just, no, Piglet, stop,
no, no, stop, no, no, stop, no. For like 30 seconds.
Before they go into this redneck compound thing,
Mary says that she's scared, that she doesn't
want to do this. She thinks they should turn
around. And Christopher Robin goes, don't worry,
I'll protect you. The moment there is a shred
of danger. He collapses. Not even a shred of
danger. The most danger of of all time. And Denton
makes no attempt to do anything other than scream.
Well, he like they see Piglet and Pooh before
it before Piglet tries to kill Mary. And he's
just like, oh, hey, guys, what's up? And then,
yeah, just collapses on the ground. Like, no,
he's got that. He went to the Gal Gadot acting
school. Do it. Do it. Kal -El! No! Oh, is this
where we get our second animation? With enough
sharp pain to fill the hundred acre woods. What?
Oh, man. Is this where we get the second animation?
Yes. Because Pooh comes up behind him and knocks
him out, drags him away. And then we get the
animation to where a man is trying to claw his
way to freedom while being dragged into a cave.
We see what looks like an effigy to Eeyore. Could
be his bones. And then you see a body wrapped
up in something and set on fire. And then, boom.
Title card. Winnie the Pooh. Real quick. Blood
and honey. I think that the body that they burned
was Mary. I think they burned and ate her or
like cooked and ate her. Okay. Yeah. You don't
know. It's implied because the animation is definitely
a man that is being dragged into the cave. It
is implied that the one that they cooked and
ate because they had such a vendetta for was
Christopher Robin. But if that were the case,
then. the movie would be over because this whole
thing is is their revenge on christopher robin
and all humans until they can get their revenge
on christopher robin but they definitely do a
fake out they definitely try to convince you
that these mary and chris are just no more and
it's exactly exactly like tooth fairy did the
same exact thing people in the very beginning
of the movie dead and then we get the title card
doesn't come back in this one and then then uh
And then movie starts. But title card, Winnie
the Pooh, Blood and Honey. Worst, worst CGI honey
dripping and blood dripping that you've ever
seen. All the blood in this movie is the worst
you've ever seen. Before we get to the title
card, because I have a couple things to mention
on that. There's also a moment where they're
in these woods, tunnels, where... Christopher
Robin is pleading with Pooh and Piglet, and he
says, I didn't know any of this would happen.
He went into the woods thinking that he was about
to reunite with all of his best friends. What
did he think was going on? There's no information
that he's gained between walking into the woods
and then killing his fiancée wife. No. Did he
suddenly gain all of the exposition? In fact,
he would have gained quite a bit. a bit of inside
to the contrary when he saw that his picture,
his supposed picture, was defaced in the cabin.
So he actually had information to the contrary
that everything was in fact not going to be okay.
And no spoilers, but in the second one, are the
pig, are Piglet and Winnie the same size? They
are now when he leaves. So he's fully expecting
them to be this these hulking beings. No, no.
OK. All right. That's all I need. Did you pause
the title sequence? Did you read any of the articles
that they wrote about Winnie and Co.? Yes. You
hear. So in the title sequence, the whole thing
is just them flipping through news articles that
have been written about Winnie and friends. They
talk about all of these mysterious deaths, all
of these murders, and things that have happened
in the Hundred Acre Woods. And then they specifically
mention pig and bear hybrids. There is also an
article with a picture, and underneath that picture
it is captioned, Bear Man Pig Sighting. Come
on. Bear Man Pig? I would rather watch the movie
about Man Bear Pig from South Park. Yeah. It's
also not for nothing. Those are two separate
entities. There is not a bear man pig. There
is a bear man and a pig man. There's no bear
man pig. Hmm. No, I didn't catch that. What I
did catch was a slogan that was repeated multiple
times. And it was like in the print of like these
these fake headlines that they were showing and
people were. shouting it and had protest signs
that said, 100 -acre woods won't save you. I
have no clue what that means. It is never explained.
It's nonsense. What could it possibly mean that
the 100 -acre woods won't save you? I don't think
anyone is going into these woods thinking that
they're going to be saved from anything. I think
people are definitely afraid to go in, and people
should be saying that you can't be saved from
the 100 -acre woods. But these signs definitely
say 100 Acre Woods won't save you. That is also
something that could arguably be answered by
the second movie. But I would think that it's
more of a, like, say you're a murderer that has
a hideout somewhere. They know that the murderer
is in the 100 Acre Woods. These woods are not
going to protect you. We're going to catch you
kind of thing. Because there's so many articles
that go through all of these deaths and disappearances
and stuff that, like, they know something's up
in those woods. I would imagine there's some
kind of manhunt. Okay, that makes sense. And
the term mutilated bodies found is said no less
than 20 times from beginning to end of opening
credits. Just over and over and over again. Like
there's definitely, if this is such a prevalent
problem, there's more quotes that you could pull
from the news more than mutilated bodies found.
And it's different people. They have different
people say it. Makes no sense. That's silly.
If you're trying to feed, what is it, like five
human -animal hybrids? I mean, it should be four,
shouldn't it? Because, well, you had Owl, Rabbit,
Piglet, Winnie, and Eeyore. Eeyore's dead, so
four. Was Tigger not around? No, Tigger wasn't
mentioned in the... No, not in the opening animation.
Well, then, you're feeding four of these, like,
person -animal hybrids. Like, even if there are
a good amount of deaths, wouldn't they not be...
Like, wouldn't they eat them clean? Isn't that
kind of the animal emo? You would think so. I
would feel like you wouldn't be finding a ton
from these people, even in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre
-style barn that they own for some reason. Apparently,
the 100 -acre woods belongs to just Winnie and
his buds because they got properties all over
the place. They got buildings all over the place.
And buildings with stuff in them, they're just
not thrown up with twigs and leaves. These are
actually constructed buildings with heavy machinery
inside of them. Is that answered in the second
one? Not at all. Okay. I mean, theoretically.
Theoretically, I mean, you could make the jump
to some extent. All right, so we've made it to
the title sequence, which says mutilated bodies
a just absurd amount of times. Yes, it does.
It's not. I would argue the most egregious thing
that is repeated time and time again throughout
this movie, but it doesn't come in for another,
like, 20 -ish minutes, I believe. So now we've
made it to therapy. Therapy! And again, this
is exactly like Tooth Fairy, where it goes from
title card to therapy session. No one in the
production of these movies has been to a therapist
or at least a qualified one. The solution to
there being tooth fairy nightmares is not to
just say, close your eyes. Think about it. I
mean, I tell you to open them. No more tooth
fairy nightmares. Not how that works. Not only
is that not how it works. You sing. I know you
got stalked and you're terrified to be alone
right now. Go to a cabin in the woods. Get out
of the city for a while. Isolate yourself. Go
spend some time away from anyone who might be
able to help you. I do think. Who's giving these
people licenses? This therapist is definitely
more qualified than the tooth fairy therapist.
I'll give her that much. Not much more. But is
by way of not just telling her, hey, maybe just
like don't think about it. Don't. And you're
healed, I guess. That'll be $200, please. It's
the UK. Is mental health care covered? I have
no clue. Who knows? Yeah, I said second movie
in a row that has a therapy session. This therapist
seems a lot more helpful than that tooth fairy
quack. Also in both of them, the set design for
these therapist's offices are just so unbelievably
weird. The background of this therapist's office
is all news clippings. And the only one you actually
like get to read is the one that's behind the
therapist. And it's an article about World War
Two. And it says Archer Street Bombs Berlin.
I'm not saying your office needs to be all sunshine
and and motivational posters. But I think that's
the wrong vibe to set for people trying to get
better. Unless it's a situation where it's like,
oh, you think your life sucks? You could have
been in Berlin. World War Two. Yeah. You could
have been bombed. Have you been bombed? It could
always be worse, lady. There's a whole wall of
articles behind Maria that you don't get to see.
And I can only imagine they're in the same vein
of just bleak and depressing. Without a doubt.
And at this point, you don't know what the incident
is. You know that something happened and that
she sees him everywhere. And so at this point,
a weekend away is not as egregious of a suggestion.
as it later comes to be found out to be. Sure.
So just a little bit of grace there. I will put
a pin in that one. And then from there, therapy
session ends. There's no wacky close your eyes
and boom, gone. Nerd therapy session's over.
And then she is driving. She's on the phone with
a friend. And this woman was able to throw together
this. get away with five friends, so six, including
herself, very quickly. It seems like it's like
the next day and, oh, my therapist said I needed
this. Okay, let's go. And she's on the phone
with a friend who says that, hey, I'm leaving
right now. I'll be there in two hours. And this
is the second time that two hours has come up.
And it made me think of, oh, brother, where art
thou? Where Everett, George Clooney. Needs a
part for the car that they stole. I think they
need a belt or something. And he said, well,
I can get you a new one. It'll be about two weeks
though. He's like, ah, dang, can't do that. All
right, I'll just take my hair jelly. And then
he gets him fop. He's like, I want Dapper Dan.
He's like, I don't carry that brand. I got fop.
And he's like, I don't want no fop. God damn
it. I'm a Dapper Dan man. He's like, son, you
need to watch your language. If you want Dapper
Dan. I can get it to you. It'll take about two
weeks, though. And then Everest says, isn't this
a geographical oddity? Two weeks from everywhere.
And that's what I thought about. Whenever Mary
in the beginning said that it took them two hours
to get to the hundred acre woods. And now this
friend who is running late also is going to take
two hours to get to the hundred acre woods. And
she stops at a place called Redford Garage. It's
not a place you would stop. Like you can be driving
down the road and you pass by a building and
you can tell if it's functioning or not. Or if
it has been vacated for, I don't know, roughly
two decades. Redford Garage has been empty for
quite some time. Doesn't stop her from pulling
up to the pump. Doesn't matter that there's broken
down cars on the other side of the pump and all
around where she's at. Doesn't matter that the
windows are broken out and there's just missing
person posters all over. She's just knocking
around. Hello? Hello? Is anyone here? Is anyone
here? These movies, if they didn't have the most
asinine decision making, they could be something.
Yeah. You could start there. and have people
make decisions that make sense. And then you
could have a decently fleshed out story, even
when the main antagonists are mutated bears and
pigs. If they made logical decisions here, are
you telling me that in 2023, the age of at least
Instagram, so we know this is more or less present
day, you did not Google the place that you were
trying to stay? Did not think. to maybe check
out the area, especially given this is your first
time leaving the city after something, whatever,
tragic thing or scary thing happened to you.
You didn't think to check in on the area, find
maybe the one -star reviews that are on Airbnb
because people were getting murdered? If you
were making logical decisions, ain't nobody ending
up in the 100 -acre woods. That is correct. Just
saying. The pictures. for the cabin that they
end up staying in must have been breathtaking.
For them to overlook everything else and for
them to say, for past guests to leave a rating
and say, um, one star. Great place. Loved it.
Mutated bears and pigs just roaming about. Looked
like they were probably going to murder me. Won't
return. And then you're like, oh, but this indoor
pool. That jacuzzi. I do love a jacuzzi. You
know, Louise Marsh's parents just put in a jacuzzi.
Do you think that Winnie the Pooh and Co. own
this Airbnb? They have to. They own everything
else in the woods. They have to. There's no other
way. Is there Wi -Fi in Hundred Acre Woods? I
mean, there's got to be, I guess, because that
one lady was on Instagram. The Insta thought?
Yeah. Yes. The woman that could have saved the
boob rating in this movie dropped the ball. I'll
say that now. You're like, this one that can't
be parted from her phone because she won't have
Instagram, who sits in the jacuzzi by herself
and just takes thirst trap pictures. No boobs.
But we are approaching some boobs. Redford Garage,
Maria, which I'm assuming is Maria Taylor. I'm
guessing that they probably didn't get too creative
with the character naming there. Goes into this
dilapidated garage and starts calling for people.
I don't think anyone's here. Well, no shit, lady.
Yeah, no one's here. But then a guy pops in from
the back door and, hey, can I help you? This
is the first instance of the American redneck
that is in the UK with his also very redneck
British brethren. The scene also just so happens
to be the first sighting of Ines. Yeah. He tells
her that. Well, no shit, this stuff doesn't work.
Have you seen it? It's old as hell. And if you
need gas, you go two miles up the road. You can
get gas there. And then as she's walking, she's
like, thanks. And then as she's walking out.
She gets bumped into by these random people that
look like that they're just coming to hang out
with. What's his name? The American redneck feller.
We'll just call him that. He's given a name.
I want to say it's like Tony. Something like
that. Yeah. So, I mean, these these people are
obviously cognizant of what has gone on in these
woods that they're in, but don't seem to care.
And then that's also where we find, I guess,
Inez. Inez. Because she's the lady that bumps
into Maria. She is, yeah. And so they go on their
merry way. I guess they thought, forget the gas
and go straight to the cabin. And they walk in.
And as soon as they get in, okay, no phones.
Which, okay, seems like a real bad idea. I mean,
they don't put them in like a lockbox or anything.
They're just sitting on like the little like.
entryway table yeah but also maybe don't put
them right by the front door when you're worried
about people breaking into a house to do nefarious
things which at this point we don't know that
yet sure but that's the whole reason for this
getaway is because of a stalker so it doesn't
make much sense to put everyone's phone in one
place and also have them right by the front door
but that's what they decide to do uh booberella
Says, no, no, I need it. I need it. Instagram.
I need Instagram. And they're like, tough shit.
Nope. Give it. So she reluctantly gives it. And
then we meet the Tina. Tina. We meet Tina. Great
value. Lindsay Lohan. Sure. She is at the edge
of the woods looking at a hand painted. Very
ominous looking sign that says 100 Acre Woods.
She says, hey, am I in the right place? Hello?
Hello? Am I in the right place? Because not only
did they take the phones away from everyone and
put them on the counter, on the table by the
front door, they also turned them off, knowing
full well that there was still a friend that
was coming that might need some directions on
how to get to this cabin. Yeah. And instead,
they turn their phones off because her calls
go straight to voicemail. And so she's on the
phone trying to figure out where to go. And then
who pops up behind her? Who? That's who. And
has the most awkward. It's the Tom Cruise run.
Yeah. But with a giant beer gut swinging, undulating
to and fro. It's one of those pregnancy belly.
Pregnancy bumps. Yeah. Yeah, it is. It is very
obviously on a very slender man. And it just
it swings wildly back and forth as he's chasing
down the Dr. Thunder of Lindsay Lohan's. Some
mountain lightning. In her vast amount of wisdom,
she decides to crawl under a garage door and
go into a shop. Lots of heavy machinery. Lots
of things that could do you harm. Just at face
value, just at the very least, you would need
a tetanus shot once you left. Sure. She hides
behind something. Okay, I think it's safe now.
And then there's Pooh. Pooh's all over the place.
There's Pooh everywhere. Oh, my God. And he grabs
her by the arm. And then grabs her by the shoulder.
Or turns out that it was like maybe her collar.
Because in no time at all, her shirt just explodes
off of her body. And there's just nips flying
all over the place. And Winnie. Because I knew
this was going to come up, I have a time stamp
in my notes that just says boobs. Oh, what time
is it? For our listeners. 24 minutes in. Okay,
24 minutes. Because I knew you were going to
talk about it. It was going to be your metric
for this movie. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. And I'll,
spoiler alert, very low grade on the boob scale.
Very low grade. And so she's flailing there.
He's got her by the head. Again, nips pointing
every which way. And just. Slams her head into
the side of this metal piece of machinery. A
lot. A lot. Winnie is nothing if not very thorough.
Her kappa gets detated from her head. Yes, with
his hobbies. And then from there, the already
running wood chipper that turns out she had been
having her head slammed into. she is thrown into.
Now, have you ever used a wood chipper? I have
not. No, I have in one of my past lives. They
are very finicky. They gum up quite a lot. If
the wood is too wet, then the gears that pull
it in to the actual cutter slip, and they just
keep slipping, and your thing just... The branch
or log, whatever you're throwing in there, just
ends up bouncing around until you stop it. You
reverse it to pull it out, and then you try to
rearrange it to get it to grip and go in there
and be cut through. But if you try to put a human
body into a wood chipper, it's going to come
up, and it's going to come up real quick. Are
you telling me that Fargo has lied to me? That
one was different. That one was gravity -fed.
So that one would have more of a chance of sucking
a body into it and chipping the body than one
that has a tray that you feed into horizontally.
Okay. But either way, everything is going to
get gummed up and you're not going to get chipping
action. And this was another instance of very,
very poor CGI blood. Yeah. It would have been
easy to practically pull this off. You could
have put a blower in there with just chunks of
stuff and some red blood. It would have been
much cheaper than trying to do CGI. But you didn't.
You went the CGI route and it shows. She also
flailed around for a good bit when she's in the
chipper. And not in a way where, like, she's
gone. And this seems like a purposeful, like,
I can still fight my way out of this kind of
flailing. She hasn't decided that she's dead
yet. Yeah. It's sad. Sad. Women. Indecisive.
Even when they're in a wood chipper. Oh, and
then we cut to two of the ladies that came on
the strip. Turns out they are with each other
romantically, relationshiply. You're like, lesbians.
Nice. But then turns out that it's not all peaches
and cream and One of them laid out Zoe and Alice.
Couldn't tell you which one is, is which, but
they are Zoe and Alice. One of them like sets
out like these rose petals and stuff on the bed.
And the other one was like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Let's tap the brakes here. Let's
tap the brakes. Like, yeah, we're lesbians in
the wood in a cabin, romantic cabin with a jacuzzi
and an indoor pool. Let's tap the brakes. Okay.
Like, I don't know if we're ready for rose petals
on the bed yet. Also, did they have to be so
heavy handed? Could we not have just presumed
they were lesbians? Did there have to be a rose
petal display on their bed? I don't know. You
couldn't have shown like a shred of affection
between the two of them? I think if you were
to describe, if you were to use one phrase to
describe these movies, heavy handed would be
the word that you would use. There's no subtlety
in any of these movies at any point. Yeah, and
then we get a, from there, from the lesbian turmoil,
we get a shot of the room in which Laura, the
Instagram hoe, is in her room. And she brought
her own lights. And you can safely assume, I
would think, that she is filming some content
to maybe put on some sort of subscription -based
website. Patreon? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, a little extra
for her podcast listeners. Extra content. Could
be Patreon. I don't know. I don't know what they're...
I know it's not as popular as the most popular
one, but I don't know. And then we have a powwow
in the living room. Everyone has forgotten about
wannabe Lindsay Lohan. They're just like, ah,
yeah, she's whatever. Oh, well, no one goes to
check their phone to see if maybe they have a
missed call. Maybe they can get some ETA. No,
she's just metaphorically dead, but also unknowingly
literally dead to them. Is this what happens
when you're regularly late to things? People
just don't care if you get murked in the woods
and thrown into a chipper. They have a powwow
in the living room. The lady couple, the Maria,
the... protagonist and two additional friends,
right? Glasses. Yeah. Glasses, Instagram hoe,
lesbians, Maria. Yes. Yes. And this is where
we get insight as to what happened with Maria.
So it turns out she had a bit of a peeping Tom
situation. She called the police. Police said,
ah, we can't do anything. Ah, nothing we can
do. Anyways, good luck. And then time goes by
for a little bit. And then a couple months later,
it happens again at three in the morning. This
time he actually comes inside. He's by her bedside
while she's sleeping. Takes the strap off of
her shoulder and then she wakes up and we're
back to present day. And she says that she hasn't
told her friends. Like this was the first time
they were telling her. Yeah. So. I don't know.
I mean... Glasses knew. Oh, she did? Oh. Yeah.
I didn't pick up on that. She mentions a little
bit later that she didn't think it was her place
to tell. Oh. Okay. Well, I completely missed
that part. But yeah, so all these people are
getting a new perspective, I guess. So maybe
the stuff that happened before this isn't as
egregious or off -putting because they didn't
know the real reason why this trip was needed
or why this trip was planned. But again, at that
point, you think that you wouldn't want to be
so isolated at a cabin in the woods when you've
already had some odd encounters already. You
think, well, someone would have stood up and
said, do we think this is the best idea? Maybe
we should just head back and just go have a sleepover
at someone's house, you know, in the middle of
the city, somewhere well lit, perhaps. But this
is a... Low -budget horror movie, so that doesn't
happen. After this point... I was going to ask
if that was the... I don't remember if that was
the end of that scene and we moved over back
to our boy Pooh yet. Well, I mean in a roundabout
way. Because after this, we get to Piglet riding
a stationary bicycle. Pooh. I don't think so.
Pooh's on a bike. Oh, okay. I wrote down evil
Winnie the Pooh spin class. Do we know what that's
for? Is that just to get the cardio in? It was.
So you can do that as Tom Cruise runs? Yes. It's
a generator, I think. They're powering something
with the bike. So could you reasonably say that
someone always has to be on this bike? Because
you're not going to get much energy out of it.
So is that where Owl and Rabbit are? Whenever
there's electricity everywhere else. They get
all the shit. That's because. While Pooh and
Piglet are out hunting. While they're out murdering.
I absolutely. Of all of the things that I can
dislike about this movie. There are two things
that I just could not get past. A. Why is he
wet all of the time? I know the whole shtick
with Winnie the Pooh is that he eats a lot of
honey. But he's just. wet all of the time yes
yes and the who is the honey is usually dripping
from his nose and it just looks like he's got
a cold there's a part of this scene where who
is eating honey by the fistfuls and just like
loosely shoving it into his mask there's no hole
there's no like the mask doesn't move he's not
anywhere close to eating you could have just
omitted the scene You didn't need it. You could
have. Why did you make me sit through 15 seconds?
Because you had to remember that Winnie the Pooh
loves honey. I would have given this movie all
of the points if the hand had just reached under
the mask to feed it to the actual actor. This
is also where we get the part of the soundtrack
that is used three separate occasions. And it's
so unbelievably weird. The lyrics to it are literally
that smell. Something, something, something.
Something, something, something. Yes. Yeah. And
it's repeated in every one of the action scenes.
And it's in the captions. Yeah. Something, something,
something, something. Why? Tight budget, man.
What? Hey, I can give you music. If for nothing
else. But for this price, I can't give you lyrics.
We'll just put something in there. Something.
Huh. It's a real weird how my baloney situation.
This is where we find out Christopher Robin is
still alive. He is hanging by his wrists from
the ceiling. He is pleading with poo. Stop it.
There's a finite amount of these jokes that are
still funny. OK, well, can I do this last one?
Because this last one is the funniest line in
the entire movie. Yeah. So Christopher Robin
is pleading for his life from Winnie the Pooh
and his Hail Mary. His last ditch effort is to
scream out in anguish and agony. I love you,
Pooh. Oh, man. God. I will give him like an 8
out of 10 for delivery on that line. Yeah. I
don't know how many takes it took, but boy, did
they get it right. And I guess that's the last
poo joke I'll make. It's not going to be your
last poo joke. No, it's not. There's almost an
hour left of this movie. What follows this particular
moment is so... out of place because it's one
of those warbly flashbacks of Christopher Robin
being a happy, weird little kid. They don't show.
We'll grow old together. Together. Forever. I
promise. And there's a moment where Pooh has
some self -reflection. It's like, huh, maybe
I do love this kid. And then, nope. In the mirror.
He abandoned us. Yeah. He looks at himself in
the mirror and that's when it cuts to the flashback.
And this scene reminded me of, have you ever
seen Gladiator? No. Okay. Well, for those that
have, there's a scene where he is having a dream
because his wife and son were murdered and he
was taken into slavery and then became Gladiator
and Rosebub and yada, yada, yada. Anyways. While
he's a slave, he has a dream that he is reunited
with his wife and kids. And it's a very popular
scene of him walking through reeds or wheat.
Maybe it's wheat. And he's just like brushing
his hand along it as he's walking past. That
is what this was. The difference was that it
was earned in Gladiator. This was not earned
at any point. And it did nothing for the movie
because... Like you said, it's as soon as he
snaps out of it and he is looking at himself
in the mirror and just, wait a minute, he abandoned
us. And then immediately goes to get a ponytail
from a victim, I'm assuming, and flogs Christopher.
This scene was very reminiscent of Passion of
the Christ. Yeah. And it's just over and over
again. And he has these deep gashes in his back
from being flogged so much. With a very thick
ponytail that did not have... I don't think that
that's how that works. Also, I thought at first,
because I didn't realize that Eeyore's tail was,
I guess, nailed to the headstone. I thought it
was supposed to be Eeyore's tail that he was
whipping him with. That would have made sense,
yeah. Which would have been... immensely messed
up. And then I thought maybe it was like Mary's
hair. Maybe they just like scalped her for the
poetic justice. But no, she had short hair. Yeah.
So this is just a random ponytail. I was trying
to find all of the ways that this made any sense.
I got nothing. Yeah. After he snaps out of it,
he goes into like a Limp Bizkit mode. Just starts
breaking stuff. throwing everything off tables
and just goes bananas. And, uh, yeah. And then
he, uh, he pours what looks like gasoline into
a pot of intestines on the ground, flips a handle.
And then Chris is showered with blood for some
reason. It was just like, hey, we got this stuff
laying around. How can we use it? Let's find
a way. And they did use it. And it made absolutely
no sense. There was no allusion to it being Mary's
intestines and blood. He there is a heavily decayed
body next to him that he sees and like cries
out. I guess we don't know how long he's kept.
Winnie and Piglet have kept him alive. And a
prisoner? I think that was Mary, the one that's,
like, picked at. Because I think, like I said,
whenever they do the other animation thing, I
think they cooked and ate her. On the hook or
on the wall? Against the wall. The one that he's,
like, crying out for. I think the other one is
the redhead. Oh, okay. And I think she's the
one whose intestines are in the bucket. Okay,
well, that's not... That's some mental gymnastics.
I have no confidence in those answers, but that's
what I think is happening. It is not laid out
for us. So we have to connect the lines, the
dots, where we can. Yeah. And then after this,
Winnie goes on a nice little stroll with his
corpse friend. And then that's when he finds
out that people are in the... Airbnb murder,
yeah. Well, that's when he notices that there's
some ladies at the house. And then for whatever
reason, he just drops the corpse and then goes
after it. He drops what corpse? He's walking
through the woods with a... With one of those
bodies. I don't know which one it is. I don't
know if it's Mary. I don't know if it's the other
one. Lindsay Lohan. Tina. One of them. Tina.
But he is walking with one of them and then drops
it and then says, oh, hey, new blood. There is
a scene with Lara, who is the Instagram girly,
in the jacuzzi. And she has... Taking her phone
back out of the not really lockdown. She's taking
all of these pictures and then she goes to look
through them. And I was trying to figure out
because it's been used as a trope in a good amount
of things. When like the character goes to look
back through the pictures they've just taken
and they see surprise. There's somebody in the
background. I feel like it was maybe like a scary
movie thing. I don't know. A scary movie or scary
movie. like scary movie, the franchise. I'm pretty
sure it was in that somewhere where they took
a bunch of pictures on a digital camera and when
they go back to look through them, there's something
off. But anyway, so she looks through her pictures.
She's like, these ain't going to cut it. She
keeps scrolling and there's, she's like, oh my
God, what is that? And then zooms in on who in
the background. She gets out of the jacuzzi.
Someone should clean that up. She gets out of
the jacuzzi. She brought some doggy bags. God
damn it. She gets out of the jacuzzi and she
is yelling at this man bear pig that's in the
background of her photo. That is no longer in
her view. That is no longer in her view and says,
are you stalking Maria? Why did they invite her
on this trip? She just found out that one of
her friends has a stalker, and your first thought
is, she's inside. If you want to go get her instead.
This is definitely the place where she is. Yeah.
That person that you are looking for, she is
here. What is wrong with this lady? I mean, I
don't think the brain cells are all there. Sure.
If I'm being honest. She doesn't find anyone.
She does not meet with... Either of our man -bear
-pig people. So she's just like, ah, screw it.
I ain't gonna ruin my night. Gets back in the
jacuzzi. Yeah. Gets back in the jacuzzi, is hanging
out for a couple of seconds, and then, surprise,
these six -and -a -half -foot -tall linebackers
with beer guts somehow sneak up silently behind
her and chloroform her. You wanna know? How do
you get chloroform in the Hundred Acre Woods?
Who is providing those for them? Who's providing
any of this? I can understand some of it. Where
do they get their supplies? Where are they getting
the gasoline for the wood chipper? Where are
they getting replacement light bulbs? Light bulbs
don't last forever. They have several bicycles.
You know how many bikes it would take to run
a wood chipper? You'd have to have a team of
them. Have you seen how much poo runs in this
movie? But do you want your fun fact for this
episode? I would love one. What do you got? Chloroform,
when inhaled, will cause you to become unconscious.
But it doesn't last. You have to continuously
breathe it in to remain unconscious. So as soon
as you take off the rag, whatever is soaked in
chloroform, that person will regain consciousness.
Interesting. And that is something that happens
in every movie. It's just like that they got
knocked on the head and they came to right in
time. If you get knocked in the head and you
are out for more than a couple seconds, there
is brain damage that has occurred and you will
likely not have a great life afterwards. You're
definitely not going to go right back to where
you were. You're just out for five minutes. There's
going to be consequences to that. Yeah. Chloroform
is also not. I think there's like a five minute
window after you smell it where it will actually
knock you out. Yes. So like you can't just put
it over someone's face and like, no, lights out.
So you're just chilling there. Yeah. So you have
to hold it over their face for five minutes before
they are actually unconscious. And then you have
to keep it there for as long as you intend to
keep them unconscious. Yeah. The films have lied.
And so they take Laura and she comes to. She
has been. Hogtied by, I'm assuming, Piglet, which,
hilarious. And then he starts to slowly lumber
over with a chain around his neck, sledgehammer
dragging on the ground. Just clop, clop, clop,
clop, clop. Comes up to her. She puts his foot
on her back. And then headlights turn on. And
at first, I was like, where? Did Winnie and Piglet
get a BMW that is functioning and has a turbo
in it? Mm -hmm. That's strange. Are they gearheads?
What's going on here? Later, find out that it
is, one more time, what's her name? It's the
last time she comes up. Lindsay Lohan. Tina.
It is Tina's BMW that they have taken. And Piglet
stands on her back, keeps her in place, Winnie
slowly pulls up and drives over her head. Her
eye pops out and then they're gone. I had so
many questions about this scene. Yeah. Why is
there a dramatic slow motion thing of Piglet
dragging the sledgehammer along the gravel when
he does not use that sledgehammer on the girl
who is hogtied? It's to do the old switcheroo,
the bait and switch. Why? Why does Piglet? Put
his foot on her back. She's hogtied. She ain't
going anywhere. She's not. That is correct. How
did Pooh learn how to drive? That's a great question.
Who taught him? When you see what happens to
Lara, why do you see it as if she's getting crushed
by the outside tire? Because there's no tire
tracks on the rest of her body. I don't know,
man. Continuity is not the milieu of these types
of movies. I think that was all of the questions
that I had. It's very silly. Did you see eyeball
pop out? Yeah. Did you see a head get crushed?
The CGI was a little rough. It was. It was. But
you got your gore, and that's all they were going
for. But right before it happens, she's screaming.
The people in the house, Maria and Glasses Girl,
say, that was, no, no, it's Zoe and Alice. Yeah,
and they're like, did you hear that? That sounded
like. Tina. Tina. No, this isn't Tina, this is
Laura. They're like, that was Laura's scream.
Could you pinpoint, could you recognize your
friend's screams, your friend's blood -curdling
screams? Is that something you hear a lot, your
friend's screams? I thought they said that they
heard maybe it was Tina. No, one of them says
that that was Laura's scream. Oh. I mean, I don't
think so, but I've also never been in that position.
So maybe if the thing were to happen, I would
know. And then in the house, Maria and Glass's
girl. are like, you heard that? I've got a gun.
And Maria's got a gun in the UK, and it's a revolver.
So what are the gun regulations for the UK? I
know they're very strict. I don't think a non
-police officer could get a gun in the UK. Am
I wrong in that? Not a clue. Especially like
a revolver? Like there might there are probably
some carve outs for like hunting rifles. But
as far as having a revolver, I don't think that
that's something that's going to be easy to come
by for just Joe Schmoe, Mary, no matter what
your circumstances are, what you've had to deal
with. I don't think there's a have you been stalked?
Yes. OK, here's your revolver. Before before
we find out that she has a gun, because this
is after they like. All four of them are meeting
and they're like, oh, my God, Laura's dead. Like
before before they have that conversation, they
all meet at the bottom of the house and there
is. In blood written on all of the windows, the
words get out in the same vein of who taught
who had to drive a car, who taught them how to
write. It's very legibly, too. It's very nice.
Yeah. One of them, one of Alice, maybe, presses
her face up against the glass that has blood
letters written on it. And then she leans back
and she goes, it's written on the outside. Why
did you put your face on that glass before you
decided that it was on the other side of it?
What did you think was going to happen? Were
you hoping to get like a battle scar? Maybe bloodborne
pathogens don't exist in this universe. Maybe.
I don't know. Even in the case that I'm not getting
some horrifying infection from it, I don't think
I'm putting my face straight into my best friend's
blood. And it's only at this point does someone
say, call the police. And everyone's like, oh,
yeah, that's a great idea. And then the minute
the police are mentioned, then it's class breaks.
And wait, Laura was out by the pool. Do you think
she closed the door? Laura did not close the
door. She did not. And so our lesbian lovers
go. To check the door. Which in fact. Was still
open. Yeah. But we get a nice. Nice scene with
this. Indoor pool. That this cabin also has.
This cabin has everything. It has like five bedrooms.
A huge living room. It's got a jacuzzi. A pool.
Lots of land to do stuff on. 100 acres. Who owns
this house? Who is it? Is it the Robin family?
Does Christopher Robin's family own this house?
Are they secretly behind this? Is this in the
sequel? Who's to say? Dang it. Watch it and find
out, or let me spoil things for you. You only
get those two options. Nah, don't spoil it. Don't
spoil it. So, when he's walking around the front,
the downstairs, Maria and... Glasses Girl have
their trusty revolver and do absolutely nothing
with it. Alice and Zoe are in the pool at this
point. And Piglet pops up out of nowhere, sledges
one of them in the head. The other one, for some
reason, gets in the pool. And she's like, come
get me. Come get me. Come get me. Leave her alone.
Come get me. So Piglet, ever the opportunist,
sees that this one is unconscious for enough
time. So he's got time to kill, you know. Slowly
gets into the pool. And Michael Myers his way
to the girl who is backing up to the other end
of the pool. This whole time, the slowest scene
of this entire movie. Good God, was it slow.
He's just taking one step, next step, next step.
Every now and then, he just swings his sledge
at nothing. Just through the water. He's nowhere
near this girl. She's at the other end of the
pool by this point. And just swings and swings
and swings until she... He gets to her at the
other end. She doesn't get out of the pool. She
doesn't make any attempt to escape. And then
sledge to the head. This one kills her. I don't
know why it didn't kill the other one, but it
kills her one blow. And then we don't find out
what happens with the other one. But Maria and
Glasses come up and find the dead one. Oh, my
God. Before Piglet gets out of the water, he
also continues to beat Alice, I think, with the
sledgehammer. Oh, that's right. Which is not
accomplishing anything. She's already dead. She's
drowned, if nothing else. She is very dead. And
also, you hit her while she's floating in water.
You're at best making her bob a little. You're
not damaging this woman. Just out here swinging
at nothing. Yeah, he drags the other one out
into the woods. She comes to on a slab. Winnie,
I put, erotically eats honey. This is the part.
Why do I keep doing that? Where he is scooping
it up out of this honey pot and then just like.
slathering it on his mouth hole. Repeatedly.
Many times. It's such a long scene. Like six
or seven times. It's dripping from his nose.
It looks like he's just got the nastiest sinus
infection. And it just keeps going and going
and going. Girl comes to on this slab. And Winnie
does one of the all time horror tropes, no matter
what the budget or quality level is, is it's
the thing where they're doing something and you
think they're distracted. And so now is your
time. And then they immediately snap right to
you and make direct eye contact. That was a full
on like groundhog, the surprised gopher. What
is it? The OG YouTube video. Yeah. Yeah. That's
exactly what it was. Yeah. It looked exactly
like that. And it looked so ridiculous and not
menacing at all. Just silly. Just utter silliness.
Also, coincidentally, the second time that that
smell comes into play. Uh, Winnie, not wanting
to lose his catch, uh, walks over to slap girl
and repeatedly slaps her in the face. Seven,
eight times. And every time it lands, it's the
hardest thud you've ever heard. He slap punches
her. Over and over again, directly to the face.
She becomes unconscious again. Second time in
a span of 10 minutes that this woman has been
unconscious. 100 % life -altering brain damage.
But we're not going to talk about that. We're
going to suspend that part of reality. The next
scene, the girls come upon her. She magically
comes to. Not a single mark, bruise, anything
on her face. She's like, they killed Zoe or Alice,
whichever one I'm not. And they take her and
then they find their way into the murder garage,
which is where they find Chris. The other two,
like, we have to go. We have to go. We have to
go. No. Maria, ever the protagonist. Says we
have to help him. We have to get him out of here,
too. No, we have to go. We have to go this whole
time that they're having this argument. They
could have already taken him down and run off
and been gone. But she runs up to him and then,
oh, I need help. Help me. And they help lift
him off. And then some ruckus goes on somewhere
else. He's like, you have to go, go, go. So they
go. They leave Chris there. Then that's when
we run into Inez. Which I did not get her character
name in this movie. So we're going with her tooth
fairy alter ego. Charlotte, I think. But for
all intents and purposes, it's Inez. Sure. She
is beat to hell. She has a noose around her neck.
And she's holding on to two chains. Yeah. Like
two actual. Chains, not the rapper. The rapper
is not in this movie. He wouldn't be caught dead
in this movie. But they're like, help, help me.
And they literally, she drops the chains and
then they just take the very loose noose off
of her neck. And then she is saved. They make
a break for it. They run into a reflective surface.
Inez sees what her face looks like. It's not
good. She is still alive and she still has the
opportunity to continue living. But her face
is beat. She takes the revolver out of Maria's
hand, who again has done nothing with this weapon
at any point during this time where she has revealed
she has had this weapon. And you think that it's
going to be like one of those, oh, I can't go
on living like this and just finishes the job
that Winnie and Piglet started. It's not the
case. What she does is she goes and tracks down
Piglet. And what ensues at this point is the
best way I could describe it is it's like a video
game cut scene where you run into the boss. She
yells out Piglet. Piglet pops up from the other
side of this little campfire that they have.
And then they just walk in a circle around the
campfire facing each other. And she's talking
smack to him. And he's just like squeal grunting.
And they go back and forth. And she fires a shot
from the revolver. So best case scenario. They
have five bullets left. I don't know how much
you know about revolvers. They hold six bullets.
Usually. She goes to fire again. What happens?
She. First of all, before she's like out of her.
Chains that she is holding on to. She says that
Piglet smells her. That's not. relevant to anything.
It just made me real uncomfy. It is alluded to
a couple times before this moment that Piglet
has some super smell something going on. After
she steals the gun, she is yelling to get Pooh
and Piglet's attention. With everyone else still
there. Right. And shoots the gun not towards
anyone. She shoots it to get their attention.
She uses the only bullet that turns out being
in that gun as a road flare. Do you remember
in Tooth Fairy where the police officer's gun
that ends up in the hands of our protagonist
only had one bullet in it? I think we just watched.
tooth fairy part whatever that was what that
was blood part five yeah and so now this is part
six yeah yeah this is just a complete it's a
reimagining of tooth fairy five with a winnie
the pooh veneer put on it i i wrote in my notes
also because yeah there is there's just so many
similarities between between Tooth Fairy and
Blood and Honey. I don't know how much of, like,
the production staff is the same, but I imagine
there's a good bit of overlap. But I was trying
to, like, catch up on, like, where I'm at in
my live note -taking, and I wrote, hey, you guys,
and I don't know why. It had something to do
with Inez, but... I don't know what it was. Oh,
man. So they are... They're doing this little
standoff thing. The gun jams. Piglet gets the
upper hand. Guns tend to do that when there's
no bullets left in them. Yeah. They knock Inaz
out. Pooh pours honey. all over her head. And
Piglet goes to town. Gets a little snack. In
this time, all of the girls run. Whoever is left
over at this point. All but Zoe, I think. Pooh
sees them and chases after them through these,
like, wooden tunnels. And one of the girls grabs
a torch. that is in this wooded tunnel, which
feels like a bad idea. Yes. Yes, it does. Just
a thought. And then as she pushes it out to scare
off Pooh, it works. Who lit those torches? He's
acting like Frankenstein's monster. Why is he
afraid of fire all of a sudden? There was a campfire
in the middle of the last scene, and there's
torches all along this pathway. There's an explosion
later on that he... Unfazed. Yeah, he Tom Cruises
his way through. All of a sudden, he's spooked
by fire. Yeah, it doesn't make a lick of sense.
So it cuts back to Zoe, who is still around.
Piglet and whatever is left of Inez. She finds
the sledgehammer and just bonks him on the head.
Knocks out Piglet. This is for blah. This is
for blah blah. This is for blah blah blah. Before
we even get to that point, she bonks him on the
head, knocks out Piglet, and is able to chain
up this easily 300 pound pig man. Yes, that is
correct. She weighs maybe 130. Like, she's not
doing this without, at best, a hernia. Yes. Yes,
there are going to be some physical therapy bills
afterwards. She chains him up and takes the sledgehammer
to him. One hit for every person that has died.
Kills Piglet. That she cares about. There's only
three hits. So she only cares about three of
them. Lara, Alice, and as Maria, I think, I think
the first one's for Maria. Pretty sure. So at
this point is, is, is fine. Just walking, walking,
talking, trying to get out. So, so yeah, she,
from what we understand, kills piglet. Piglet
squeals. Pooh is taken off of the girls that
he's hunting, goes back to try to save his friend,
puts a machete straight through Zoe's face. Into
a tree. Into a tree. It is not done at the right
angle, so it is very clearly... It is not shot
from the right angle, so it is very clear that...
There is no contact between the target and the
weapon. I really need to start adding more context
because I also have my next note says, is that
an English cholo? OK, I can fill the I can fill
the gap in there for you. OK, so. Maria Glasses,
find this clearing, find this dirt road at the
end of the dirt road behind them is. Headlights.
They run up. We have to go. We have to go. We
have to go. And who is it but our buddy, and
I did write down his name, Logan. Our American
British redneck. That's too many things. You
don't get to be that many things. Also, our British
cholo. Also, our British native -ish guy. He
reminded me of... Jonathan Joss. That kind of
vibe. Sure. Parks and Rec guy. And then the Cockney
hillbilly dude. Yeah. And so we have four saviors
in the form of just rough and rowdy. Just looking
for a good time, fellas. Ladies run up to him.
And we have to go. We have to go. And in the
headlights, in the distance, is Winnie the Pooh.
They get out. The girls get in. They're like,
no, we need to go. We need to go. And he's like,
what are you doing, man? You out here looking
for trouble? You hurting these girls? Because
we'll fix you right. We'll fix you right, right
now. We'll do it. And they walk up on him. He's
just... One of them has a crowbar. That is our
buddy Logan. Cholo Man has a bat. I don't remember
what weapon Jonathan Joss has. I didn't think
he had one. No, actually, he does. He has a beer
bottle. And the other one has... Something else.
Anyways, they take turns hitting him. Boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom. Nine, ten hits with all these
heavy objects when he's unfazed until he gets
hit with the beer bottle. That is a step too
far. And so, you remember how I told you that
Slab Girl got slapped repeatedly in the face
while on the slab. And then next scene later,
she's perfectly fine. No, no damage whatsoever.
Where beer, beer bottle man here gets slapped
one time. Half of his face is gone. Yeah. Uh,
and then he's running up to, uh, the truck and
trying to escape and then dies from his wounds,
I guess. Because he just like collapses to the
ground. Yeah. Next fella, Chola with the baseball
bat, gets his hand karate chopped off. Oh, so
he's down. Logan with his crowbar gets taken
out. And then the last guy makes a run for it.
And this is where we find out that Winnie. has
bee summoning powers and he sends a swarm of
bees after the man that's running away and they
take him down with little to no effort how does
he control the bees that you would think that
they would be mortal enemies yeah i mean he's
taking all their lives work even eating it just
smearing it on himself so a little inconsistency
there girls finally get their wits about them
start the truck up reversing away from Winnie
who starts chasing after them somehow ends up
behind the reversing truck They take off pulling
forward because they think they've lost him.
And then they're tearing down the road. What
do you know? Winnie's grabbed onto the back of
the bed of the truck and climbing his way up
there. There is a good bit of this scene where
Winnie is on top of the truck, not holding on
to anything. And they're going extremely fast
if you consider the fog that is moving around
them. And he's just like, I don't know how heavy
you would have to be to be able to be stable
in that particular situation. But I've been in
a truck bed on a dirt road. You feel like you've
gotten concussed going 10 miles an hour. You're
not staying flat on the bed of that truck. The
slightest pothole, you're bouncing up and down.
You're lucky to stay in the bed. Yeah. Yeah.
But hey. Maria is courteous enough, knowing that
Winnie is not secured to the roof of the vehicle
that he is currently on top of, to not swerve,
to avoid, I guess, every pothole in this dirt
road, and to just drive as carefully as possible
as someone who is going 60 miles down a dirt
road can with a 300 -pound man -bear on top of
the roof. He even gets a chance to climb over
and like by the windshield and do a little peekaboo.
Punches the window a couple times. Some Teflon
windshield. And she finally gets the wherewithal
to willingly, willingly hit the brakes. Pooh
goes flying off the roof. That is the dumbest
one to be actually funny. And so Maria knew that
she was hitting the brakes, knew that a sudden
stop was coming. Her head still goes flying into
the steering wheel. And for like the ninth person,
this movie is unconscious and 1000 % concussed.
Why do none of the vehicles in this movie have
airbags? That is a great question. Do they not
require them in the UK? I don't know. We have
to make some UK friends. We might be able to
get some answers from Guinea -Bissau or Angola,
but not the UK yet. I would be interested to
learn what they have to say, too. What do your
road safety laws look like? How likely are you
to get struck by a man -bear pig? Oh, and before
you know it, as soon as Maria comes to again,
Winnie's grabbing... Glasses girl out of the
passenger seat, drags her to the front of the
truck, still on the headlights, and then in the
blink of an eye, removes her head from her body
and is just holding it there. And then, just
for shizzles and giggles, throws her friend's
head onto the windshield, at which point Maria
thinks it's a good idea to just run the wipers,
just play ping pong. With her buddy's head. With
the friend that she is so close to that she is
the only one that told about this terrifying
event that happened in her life. She is now playing
ping pong with windshield wipers with her head.
Smearing blood all over the entire windshield.
Cannot see anything anymore. Goes to start the
truck and wouldn't you know it, truck won't start.
Don't you hate when that happens? When your friends...
Neck blood is all over your windshield, and you
just want to get out of there. You just want
to get home, and your truck won't start. And
then, of course, Winnie, as he does, goes to
the driver's side, pulls Maria out of the car,
and is about to kill her when we get a little
surprise. Christopher Robin himself just pins
Winnie to the front of this truck with this vehicle
that he found. In the middle of the woods. It's
not the Fiat that Maria arrived in with a bunch
of the friends. And it's not Tina's car. So it's
just an extra vehicle that was laying around.
I assumed it was his. Because he would have had
to have found the car and also the keys. Wouldn't
his be two hours away? Depends on what direction
they were actually walking. They may have just
walked in one big old circle. They just went
the wrong direction at first. They may have.
That is a good point. Anyways. So for all intents
and purposes, Winnie is incapacitated. You see
gasoline dripping from, or petrol, as it would
be called there, dripping from the tank. So you
know what's going to happen. You know what's
going to happen. I speak in freedom units. Get
that metric out of here. And so they hobble away.
They get to a not safe enough distance for a
car. that is leaking gasoline and is already
on fire, but they decide to just take a rest
there. At this point, Winnie has had it. He is
done with all this nonsense. He musters everything
he can to push these two vehicles, which apparently
happen to be in neutral, off of him. He pushes
the one in front of him, just a little tap, and
then it just starts scooting back. And then the
one behind him, he doesn't even push. He just
backs up against, and then it just goes rolling
down the hill behind him. You know how unlucky
you have to be to get pinned against a vehicle
that is in neutral and has absolutely nothing
behind it? Winnie is not having the best day.
That's all I'm trying to say. And so this is
where we get our Jason Bourne, Ethan Hunt moment,
where these two cars just explode, and Winnie's
just walking away completely unfazed. The thing
that was just scared of fire not 20 minutes ago.
He grabs Maria and wants to kill her, obviously.
And Maria and Chris have this very weird interaction.
Like they have just been lovers for their entire
lives. They've trauma bonded already. Everyone
else they know is dead. They have been together.
in each other's presence for a grand total of
maybe three minutes. And he's begging with Winnie,
please don't. No, no. Why are you doing this?
Why won't you stop? And this is where we get
the one line out of Winnie, which I don't think
we mentioned before, but in the animation, whenever
they went feral, they. Took a vow of silence.
They decided they were never going to speak again.
Inez said before she got got that they spoke
in a very broken English. And then now we get
the one line that actually comes from them. And
when he just says you left and then cuts Maria's
throat and throws her to the ground and. uh christopher
robin acts like he just lost the love of his
life all over again yeah his one true love is
gone right in front of his eyes and they're like
real close and all like about to kiss and it's
just it's very weird it was very unearned it
was not i think it could be argued that that
was more so his grief for losing all of his childhood
friends This was the thing that actually just
like finally was like, oh, they're not coming
back. Maybe. That could be. He had that little
bit of hope that like maybe Pooh would like remember
that they were friends. Maybe he would like remember
that they were friends when he was still chained
up. And then you left and then just. That is
possible. I didn't think of it from that angle.
Slit Maria's throat. But then we realized that
maybe Winnie's true intentions were to psychologically
torture Christopher instead of physically torturing
and killing him because he lets Christopher run
off into the woods while he is busy stabbing
Maria in the head roughly 30 times. Well, after
she's already bled out. Yes. She's very dead.
And... That doesn't stop him. Because why would
it? Cut to credits. And I'll... Iron Man. There
is a little bit at the very end of the credits
that says Winnie the Pooh will be back. Boy,
was he. Neither time that I watched this film
did I stick around long enough to see that. We
saw it the first time. Oh, did we? Honestly...
All of this was a blur. I had it in my head that
we saw the boobs at the jacuzzi. So when the
jacuzzi popped up, I was like, hell yeah, here
we go. But no. You only get one set. Only one.
That's it. Do you want to hear my ranking for
this movie? Yes, I would actually. I gave this
movie 20 out of 100 acres. There is one particular
thing that irks me in any movie, but it's especially
prevalent in low -budget horror because it's
a really cheap way to build tension. Do you know
what a Dutch angle is? Yes. Oh, I had that in
my notes too, but I forgot to mention it. Half
of this movie is done in Dutch angles. If you're
not familiar, Dutch angles are... Essentially
where the cinematographer is trying to create
tension and they do so by making a scene that
doesn't look right. And so they'll tilt the camera.
You'll have a like skewed version of whatever
you're supposed to be looking at. And it makes
you uncomfortable. I think that they are cop
out shots. They are just like you can maybe get
away with like one or two and have it done well.
But if half of your movie is Dutch Angles, you
have failed. You need a better tripod, if nothing
else. Yes. Is it possible that maybe they blew
all their budget on the CGI blood and the animation?
So they had to sell the tripod. And they lost
a tripod leg and had no way to replace it. Is
that possible? I love your optimism. Yes, I will
accept that. Thor 2. is notorious for being almost
entirely in Dutch angles. Why? I don't know,
man. I don't know. It's definitely the worst
Thor. So I'm not saying that's why. I'm saying
that doesn't help. It's not not why. It's not
not why. That is correct. I did give it a couple
more points because I do appreciate that they
used actual weapons. To be fair, I might just
be holding on to a bit of a grudge against Tooth
Fairy and their Spirit Halloween props. Hey,
hey. I went to Spirit Halloween today. Yeah.
And they are, one, very proud of the products
that they have in store. It's reflected in their
prices. And two, They have a plethora of believable
props that you could use. Yeah. I live across
the street from a Spirit Halloween, and it was
a bit of a bummer going in this year. Yeah? Everything.
We made the mistake of going to one that didn't
have the decorations, just had costumes. Oh,
okay. We wanted to go to ones with the decorations
that had all the stuff that popped out because
the kids were losing their minds. And it's like
haunted house light. Like it's controllable haunted
house. Sure. It's still fluorescently lit. Nothing's
going to pop out at you that you don't. And even
there, the middle one was having difficulties
with seeing some of the. the costumes on display
so do you ever see taking them to a haunted house
do you think that'll ever be their their vibe
maybe the middle will come around i don't think
the oldest ever will uh youngest youngest she
can be a firecracker so maybe i don't know yeah
i think the oldest is an absolute non -starter
but i think you could convince the younger too
yeah only time will tell Only time will tell.
But is there anything that you can take away
from this movie? Same thing that I said at the
beginning. Google the place that you're staying.
If there are double to triple digits worth of
reports of people going missing or being found
mutilated in that area, maybe don't. Maybe don't.
I would go so far as to say if... The word mutilated
comes up in any query about a place that you
are looking to spend time at. Maybe spend a little
more time finding somewhere more suitable. If
you are buying a gun for protection, perhaps
check how many things are in the chamber. Preferably
more than one. Ideally, yeah. It seems to be
a problem that we run into a lot. That is true.
My takeaway from this would be. Never abandon
your imaginary friends because one day they may
come back and murder you and everyone that you
hold dear. That is true. I do. I'm not going
to spoil anything from the second movie, but
I need you to watch it soon. OK. I will. You
don't have to make it one of the. one of these
episodes, but we'll see how this one does and
see if, uh, people would be interested in the
second, second one. We'll see. All right. Well,
with that, we'll see ya. Peace out, ghoul scouts.