Yo.
I'd like to welcome everybody back to the brand new episode of the Cognitive Collage
podcast.
I'm your host, Quentin Gold, with friends and family.
They call me QG for short.
And if you feel like that's what we're becoming, you can tell me that too.
I hope everybody enjoyed their holidays.
I hope Santa gave you everything you put on your list.
I hope all your new year's resolutions come true or that shit.
But let's get into it.
So speaking of new years, damn, I hate to start so grim, but fuck it, we are here.
There was a domestic terrorist attack in New Orleans.
Initially, I guess it was believed that this was like a attack from ISIS, but it was a
guy who was born and raised in Texas.
And he's actually like an army veteran.
He decided on new years to drive from Texas to New Orleans and drive through a curl for
the people.
Not only did he did that, once he finished driving through everybody, he hopped out and
he started shooting people.
So I think the last time I checked, I think it was 10 people deceased and believe like
over 30 people injured, I'll never, I'll never understand that type of shit.
Like just, and I'm not advocating for self-deletion, but why take all these people?
You know what I mean?
Like why not just, if you tired of the world, you know, unplug your cord, your cord, not
everybody else's.
Like that shit is wicked and then a day later in Las Vegas, somebody drew one of those Tesla
cyber trucks to like the lobby of, or the driveway, I should say, of the Trump old tow
in Vegas and then proceeded to set off a bomb in the truck.
Thankfully, I don't think anybody was injured during that attack, but they're trying to
say that these two attacks were like coordinated.
Like they were, you know, implemented by the same group of people type of thing.
This shit is wicked.
This shit is just, it's wicked.
I can't even think of a different word outside of like wicked.
Terrible, disgusting.
I don't know.
Besides that, I'm sorry to just get off of that so fast, but I didn't want to linger
on that story because it's so, you know, it's just make my fucking skin crawl.
Like it's just, I would never be able to rationalize why people make those type of decisions.
But moving on from that shit.
For the first time in, I don't know how long the East Coast is preparing to embrace
that self for an actual real winter storm.
Like I've been here in conflicting reports, but I'm here like up to 14 inches, 16 inches
of snow, which fucking sucks.
And don't get me wrong, like I love the snow, especially like as a kid.
Like that shit is fun.
Not as no fucking adult who got to work.
You know what I mean?
I work in like the mechanical side of things.
Like you can say maintenance, but it's not.
I love you guys, at least not my position, but I still got to go to work because the
buildings that I'm in, they have boilers, they have chillers, they have all kinds of
like circulation pumps and all that type of shit.
They have to be attended to on a daily regardless of whatever the temperature is outside.
So I don't get to work from home.
I don't get to.
So no matter how bad this snow is out there or going to be, my black ass guy will be out
there with it.
So I'm not excited for that.
But I don't know, man.
I guess for global warming and shit, like actually getting a legitimate snowstorm is
kind of cool.
At least it feels, it's crazy to say, but anticipating a snowstorm, at least for my
region, actually feels nostalgic.
I mean, like we didn't have multiple winners where like you might get a dusting of like
some slurries or some shit, but nothing where they actually laid.
You can make a snowball and that type of shit.
I don't know what that says about the environment.
I'm not that smart, but I guess it'll be cool to see it's gonna fucking suck to get
the work, but it'll be cool to see.
Uh, what else is going on in my life?
Yo, for the past few nights, I've been having some of the worst fucking nightmares of my
life.
Like, I mean, just.
All right.
I won't speak in all of them, but I had this one dream, right?
This shit fucked me up.
Like it was almost like some inception type of shit where like it was a dream, a side
of a dream, a side of a dream, a side of a dream inside of a dream.
And like the thing that creeped me out about it, because the shit that was happening in
the dream wasn't even necessarily scary.
It was the fact that like it was trying to trick me to stay asleep.
All right.
I give you an example.
One of my dreams, it was me and like one of my like homeboys from the past.
Like we're not really cool like that no more.
But I mean, there ain't no issues even, but we just, we haven't spoken in years.
So I mean, him, we had like a little handshake that we would do type of shit.
So in a dream, he was with a son, you know, and I see him, I go, damn, bro, you had a
kid, like congratulations.
So like we dap up and we make a small talk and then he go, all right, man, I got to
get a body here.
I'm going, all right, bro.
So we look at each other and we want to go do the fucking like our handshake and we
fucked it up the first time.
I laughed, he laughed.
Then we went to go shake, do the handshake again and we fucked it up even worse than
the first time.
And then for some reason, he gave me like this fucking smile, but his smile was like
unusually wide.
And I was like, oh, shit, I'm dreaming.
And then I wake up, I sit up in my bed, I get up, walk to the bathroom and I use the
bathroom, I'm washing my hands, I look up in the mirror and like, so all the lights are
off, except for like the bathroom light.
So I got the bathroom door open.
So as I'm like washing my hands, I'm looking into the mirror and I can see like this glowing
type of face, like, like walking up, like approaching me from like behind.
And I turn around like, what the fuck?
And then wake up.
Then when I wake up, my phone rings, pick it up, it's my mother.
She's going, hey, you still coming by today?
I go, yeah, man, what you doing up this early?
I'm looking at my phone and saying, it's like three in the morning.
And mind you, a normal day because of how early I get to work, I wake up usually around
three, three, 30 type of shit.
So I'm like, man, why are you up so late slash early?
Like, what are you doing?
And as I'm talking to her, her voice starts to distort.
So I think my phone's fucking up.
So I was like, hey, hang up and call me back.
So then when I, she hangs up and then I'm sitting there, I'm waiting for her to call
me back.
And while I'm sitting there waiting for her to call me back, my bedroom door creaks open
and my mom come walking in, but she's like unusually tall.
Like her head is almost touching the ceiling.
And then when I get a real good look at it, there's no eyes on the socket.
Then I wake up again.
And I go, God damn, these dreams are fucking nuts.
Like what is going on in these dreams?
And then like my TV turns on by itself.
And I'm like, am I dreaming still?
I'm like, did I never wake up?
And I hear this fucking voice that I don't know, but it sounds familiar, but I don't
know this voice.
I can't, I can't connect it to a person that I know, but the voice seems familiar.
And it was just like, just lay down, just lay down.
I'm like, am I asleep?
And it wouldn't answer.
It just kept saying, just lay down.
And then I finally actually wake up.
And when I woke up, like I just had, you know, like your head stand up on your arms, the
hair on my arms, the back of my neck, all my hair was just standing up.
And I just, it took me a second.
And I'm sitting there going, am I still awake?
Am I dreaming?
Am I, I was so fucking like bathroom.
Like I got my phone and started like checking shit, like checking work, not that shit.
I'm like, all right, I'm actually awake.
Get up, use the bathroom and shit.
Whole time I'm like, wash my hands, I'm staring in the mirror, waiting for something to approach
that never does.
Cause this time I'm actually awake, but I've never had that experience before.
I never had a dream, a side of a dream, a side of a dream, a side of a dream.
Like that shit was insane.
Like it felt weird, like it felt like, oh, this is gonna make me sound nuts, but it almost
felt like it was like a, like, like somebody else was controlling my dreams.
I know, I know, I know how it sounds.
Cause I'm hearing it myself as I'm saying it, and it sounds fucking nuts, but I've never
had an experience like that before.
Like it really fucked me up.
And then the next night I had a nightmare too, but honestly, I don't remember what it
was.
I just remember like waking about my dream like abruptly, but I don't recall what it
was that made me jump up like that.
But that first multiple dream night or whatever, that shit was crazy.
I don't know.
I wanted to do like some research on it, but I mean, I still might actually, you know what
I mean?
I wouldn't even know what the fuck to look for.
Like, I don't know.
I don't figure that part out, but I've been that.
Like I've been, I said this in my last broadcast, but I've been trying to like get more into
creative space as far as like, you know, writing or drawing or whatever, just like embracing
more the creative side of, you know, whatever creative skill set I got.
And lately I just been like writing.
And I'm really, really happy with the, with the shit I've been coming up with lately.
You know, the weird thing about the whole writing shit is like, I write with intention,
but it's free form.
So like, I don't sit down with the goal of like, all right, I got to make a party.
I got to make, yo, I know when this particular person here, they're going to go crazy.
I used to do that, but now I just, I write what I write, what I feel and if whoever hears
it, if they like it, they like it.
And if they don't, you know, it makes no difference either way.
But you know, lately, like my motivation has been solely just trying to be creative, I guess.
So, and the shit I've been writing for like the past week, I'm really excited about.
Oh, I started a new job.
I kind of hinted to that in the last podcast too, but I won't go deep into it, but like
it's, I'll say this like it's involved with commercial real estate and like, it's such
a small world.
So like, when I get there, my first day was, it's cool, you know, it's normal shit, paperwork,
getting shown around, getting introduced to, oh, hey, these are the architects.
Hey, these are our marketing people.
This is our development department, all that shit.
So meeting everybody I need to meet.
Some people that already like previously knew because I was subcontracting a few years, like
well shit, like five years ago, and I had a small stint at that building that I'm at.
So like maybe like four or five months.
So the big dogs for us, like director of engineering and, you know, the property manager, like
I was familiar with them.
So when they reached out to me like, hey, man, we would love to bring you in.
So what my number was, it was like, it's a little high.
I was like, all right, well, I mean, hey, if you don't sit your budget, I'm gonna just
stay where I'm at because I'm comfortable where I'm at.
And he was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we we want to bring you in.
So we worked out that side of it.
So I got what I asked for, which honestly, I was surprised that the motherfucker's dead.
But I got it.
And like, so this is like day two.
I'm there and shit.
And I'm actually getting to like run into like some of the people like on like the mechanical
side and it's like, oh, shit, bro, I used to work with you out Columbia.
Oh, shit, bro, I used to work with you at the pussy.
So like, I met probably like five or six texts and like four of them, like I've previously
worked with at like different places.
So that was cool.
And it was like, man, it just made me think about like how small those little communities
is.
Yeah.
Because I remember like, you know, prior to going to trade school and all that shit,
I might have worked like, I never worked like fast food, but I might have worked like
retail.
Like I worked at like Modell Sport Goods.
I don't even know if there's a Modell Sport Goods anymore.
I think they would bankrupt some shit.
But like they are like, I worked overnight like stocking at Walmart and type of shit.
And like, I remember, you know, being in my early 20s and seeing dudes come in because
we might have like something like break like the AC broke or the heat broke or whatever
the case may have been.
And they would have a technician come in, he'll walk in, work foam, you know, you're
gonna form this shit.
And he'll be in there for about like 20 minutes, fix the shit and dip.
And like, you could just tell, well, I could tell these and like, this nigga's probably
making quadruple the amount of what I'm making at the time.
And like, I remember thinking like, damn, you're how the fuck do you even get involved
in that type of shit?
And it would be like maybe four or five years later, before like I actually went to trade
school and graduated and got certified and then I would go back to different certifications
and, you know, different type of licenses, all that type of shit.
And like, now I'm in that position and I had one of those moments the other day where
like I'm going on my lunch break and I grabbed some of the e-mails.
I'm coming out, it's like three dudes standing there and shit.
One of them smoking a cigarette or he's trying to smoke a cigarette, but he needed a light.
So I give him a light and he sold my title, like on my jacket.
So like, he goes, damn bro, how are you even getting to this?
So I was more or less some of my, a summed up version of my dream.
Like I went to trade school and then from trade school, I got to hospitality.
I worked with the forces of the hotel for a bunch of time.
Then I went to this commercial real estate spot, then I got this mechanical engineering
contract and all that shit.
I'm talking to my body and I could tell them why I spoke about it.
Like he looked almost like overwhelmed.
So I reached my wallet, gave him a business card and I was like, look, yeah, because this
is like on the Friday.
So I was like, yo, give me a call on Monday, which, what should we eat tomorrow?
So I was like, give me a call on Monday.
If you have a resume, shoot it over to me and we can talk about like apprenticeship potential.
He was like, all right, man, cool, man.
And as him and his friends walked off, I could see like his homeboys dapped them up type
of shit.
And I don't know if he's going to call or not, but I really hope he does.
Yeah.
I mean, so I would love to give like somebody young an opportunity to, you know, to start
their journey.
So I remember being the kid, you know, working in Moldova's, I'm working in the shoe department
and shit, smelling feet all day and just seeing these niggas come in and out.
And I'm like, I know they're getting, I know they're getting like, and like, you know,
a lot of people won't admit it, but when you're in a room full of like brand new people that
you don't know and shit and, you know, everybody's getting to know each other.
So hey, what do you do for a living?
Like in that moment, you want to have pride in your response.
You know what I mean?
I guess it don't matter because like, if you're making money supporting yourself, supporting
the ones that you love, fuck what your title is.
Like, you know what I mean?
You're doing your job.
Like, at least speaking to me, like, you know, when I have those conversations, I tell people
like, oh, yeah, I'm a, I'm a master atch-back mechanic by trade, but I'm currently like
a mechanical engineer because it's weird.
All right.
And especially like in a social stand status type of shit, people judge you off of what
your job title is.
They might say they don't, but they do.
Because if you're sitting there and the reason, or I'll say this, like the scale they use to
judge the person that they're interacting with is based on if they believe their job
title is more important than the one that they hold.
So let's say somebody's like, I don't fucking know, a registered nurse, they make good money.
And they meet somebody and go, hey, what do you do for a living?
Well, I work in a call center.
Oh, that's nice.
They don't feel threatened by it.
So they almost look at it like, oh, you're a little nigga, you're a little homing type
of shit.
And then they, you know, talk to them, hey, what do you do?
Oh, bro, I'm an assistant director for a Fortune 500 commercial real estate company.
Oh, wow.
The, the energy at you that is different.
Like they, they put an extra layer of respect on your shit.
I don't think people should do that.
But we, we do it.
We all do it.
Even Rev is intentional, unintentional.
I try not to be, I try not to do that shit.
Like I try to be, you know, cognizant of like my responses and that type of shit because
you never want to like shit on nobody's situation.
You know what I mean?
Like shit, one wrong turn, one wrong decision.
Shit.
One missed phone call, two or three known responses to emails.
You could be in that same boat, all words.
You know what I mean?
So, I don't know.
I was thinking about this the other day too.
Like I was listening to this TED talk and I was listening to how like the guy was saying
anybody who's has ancestral trauma where like it's verified is documented that, you know,
your lineage or your heritage was like disrespected by, you know, whatever you consider to be
a governmental power type of shit that, that should be reparations.
I'm African American, black, whatever you want to call it.
Yeah, I agree with that for sure.
You know, people with Jewish descent got reparations.
People with Japanese descent got reparations.
People with Asian descent.
You know what I mean?
So, I agree with that.
And I think as the black, not speaking for the whole community because who the fuck am
I to do that?
But at least from statistics that I've read and seen or whatever, they say that, you know,
African Americans are like the number one consumers.
And there's some trauma behind why we are because it's that feeling of being inadequate.
So like we'll buy high priced shit because we think that that separates us from the pack
somehow.
I mean, yeah, I'm from the hood, but shit, I got a Benz and Balenciaga's on.
All right.
No mean shit.
I mean, it's, you know, white dude ran down Chuck Tellis and this nigga drives a fucking
hatchback Subaru, but this nigga owns where he lives.
You know what I mean?
So not to deviate from what I'm talking about, but like he was saying the reparations, I
thought about it and I was like, well, that's being the number one consumers.
Honestly as fucked up as the economy is, and this is fucked up for me to say, and I mean,
no disrespect when I say this, but if you gave black people reparations, honestly, it
would save the country.
It would save the country because we are, we are really.
We're heavy and trenched into consumerism.
So yeah, we would go out and buy luxury shit, all this type of shit.
We would.
The other educator once would.
They would give it back as quick as it was given to me, but they, you know, and when
I say they, I don't mean a specific race.
I mean, because it's not even about race.
It's more about like social status.
It's the haves and the have nots and motherfuckers are somewhere in the middle.
Sometimes they have it.
Sometimes they don't.
I'm kind of in the middle range, but like, you know, they, whoever they may be, they
can't run the risk of like, all right, what if there is a sector of, you know, the American
based African American who, bro, I didn't learn from my forefather struggles and mistakes
and missteps and fuck this shit.
We're going to legitimize.
We're going to get businesses.
We're going to build, you know, in a community wealth type of shit.
Wait, what do you get at?
Oh, your grandma's a tailor.
All right, back.
I'm going to get a cleanest, last tailor thing.
Oh shit, bro.
You used to, you used to be in the military.
All right.
Well, you opened up a firearm store with instructional classes.
Back.
Yo, let's open a grocery store.
My granddad was a farmer, but I'm not a plant and grow a bunch of shit.
All right, back.
They're the only community.
They've done this before Black Wall Street, if you unfamiliar with it, like, look it up.
It's fucking, it's beautiful.
And then it turns fucking tragic.
Like, tragic isn't even a strong enough word for it.
Like, you know, the powers that be at the time decided, all right, you know what, y'all
want to be see yourselves back here.
We're going to leave y'all to your own devices.
We ain't going to fuck with y'all.
And that community slourished.
I'm talking banks, schools, bakeries, fucking you name it.
That community had all black things, all black doubt.
And, you know, the segment or the sections that one of us not to be dead, they start
to suffer.
They so dependent on the black doubt, hate our fucking guts.
But, you know, I could, but anyways, like I said, we're deserving of that shit, but
they will never get it because if it's a hundred of us that get it, maybe 85% gives it right
back.
And that's a high number.
They boost the economy, all that shit.
But they, whoever they are, are so afraid of that remaining 15% actually utilizing that
shit.
Because then maybe some of that 85% go, oh shit, wait, how did you do that?
Show me.
And then they do it.
And they teach their kids.
Then their kids, the homeboys come over to chill.
Hey, bro, let me show you niggas how I'm really getting to this money or some legal shit.
They can put me on.
And he learns, and he teaches, and he learns, and he teaches, and she learns, and she teaches.
And it becomes that each one teach one thing.
And that's something that they would be terrified of, whoever they are.
Again, I'm not on those soapbox.
I don't even know if anybody's even going to hear this episode or suck it.
On an off chance of somebody important, air quotes, care this shit, I'm not starting
a fucking, I'm not starting a movement.
I'm not fucking advocating for, I want everybody, regardless of ethnicity, I want everybody
to be healthy, happy, successful.
Plus, all to be in a good space.
But that's not how the system is built.
The system is built on.
The haves and have nots.
Because look, imagine if everybody, let's say I snap my fingers and everybody's rich
tomorrow.
Who's going to be the trash man?
Or work sanitation?
Who's going to do the plumbing jobs?
Who's going to be the electricians?
Who's going, I got money, I ain't doing that shit.
I get a next thing, I get a new job.
And next thing, I got money too.
I ain't doing that shit.
And so on and so forth.
So, I don't know.
What do I do?
I don't know man.
This shit is, I can get into some much deeper shit.
I'm actually going, I'm a hold up.
But I want to try something new.
Like, I think the next podcast, I think I'm going to start doing briefs, like five minute
like paranormal stories of like my personal experiences or the people around me.
You know, as I knock out a few of them, y'all can let me know if y'all feeling it, not feeling
it.
But I've experienced some like super unexplainable shit throughout my life.
Which made me question like after life and you know, higher powers and all that shit because
of you know, some of the shit that I've seen that I can't explain.
So, I don't know.
But with that being said, I'm here for a good time.
For a long time.
So I hope everybody who hears this, I hope you stay safe, healthy, productive, whatever
goals you're working towards.
I hope you get one step closer.
If not achieving it all together and once you achieve that goal, be cognizant of enough,
I'm not intended, to reset your goals and get a new goal.
Don't rest on your laurels.
Like keep going, keep pushing, keep striving.
You know what I mean?
And so the next time, oh wait, let me see this one.
I know, it's too personal, I won't say it.
But love the ones that you love while you have the ability to love them.
None of this shit is promiscuous.
None of it.
This could be my last podcast.
But I know, how would you know?
But in the meantime, in between time, love everybody the way you can as much as you can.
And the ones that you don't love, don't hate them even.
Just stay away from them.
You know what I mean?
So I wish everybody the best man.
So with that being said, peace.
Love everyone.
Love everyone quickly.
Love everybody.