Yo.
I'd like to welcome everybody back.
It's a brand new episode of the Cognitive to Large
Podcast. I'm your host,
Wayne Golden. We're friends and family.
They call me QG for short.
I hope everybody had a good
past week.
I know I did.
I got to see some cool
shit. I got to do some cool shit.
I hope everybody had a good
past week.
I know I did.
I got to do some cool shit.
I was
presenting with some new opportunities that I think
is going to be beneficial
to me and my family.
So
I'm in a really, really good
mood, you know.
But
I think the topic I want to talk about today
is
the concept of
being alone.
So a lot of people
that's a scary
thought to even think that,
you know,
they're thought of isolation.
You know what I mean?
By nature,
with social, with social
creatures. You know what I mean?
That's why even when
you know, if you go to prison
and I guess you do some bad shit
in prison, the punishment inside
of prison is
solitary confinement.
Even though all the other bad shit can
happen when you're around a group of
people, the worst thing they
can do is put you by yourself.
And I never
understood that.
I'm a person who thrives in
isolation.
Because you know, it's that saying that
you know, you can be your own worst enemy.
But there's a flip side to that.
You can be your own best friend as well.
So
the same way
you would push for a friend to achieve
something, you give them words of encouragement
or
you'll step up and make sacrifices
to make sure that they achieve whatever they
are chasing.
You can do the same for yourself.
But most of it's how we don't.
You know what I mean?
And I wasn't always that person where I
felt like
I had this shit all figured out and
I don't need no body type of shit.
But through the years
and just like
growing and going through
um
not even bad situations
but situations in general.
I think one of the keys
to me having a mindset
that I have now is acceptance.
You know what I mean?
Like
if a person show me who they are
I believe
them.
In the past I would go, ah, nah man
they only did that because
oh they only feel this way because
nah.
Like my homeboy
Ty put me up on the sand
and it's one of the best sands I've ever heard.
Cause it's so much depth to it even though
like it's such a simple phrase.
But it's true.
The next person's
expectations
aren't your responsibility.
But if he will perceive you to be
or what they want you to be I should say
you don't have to live up to that shit.
You don't.
So a person like me somebody might go, yo
because you have access
to this, that and the third
yo this is what you should be doing
according to hope.
Well yo you know what I see for you?
See it for yourself.
I think I finally reached that point in life where like
I have a firm understanding
of who I am as an individual
and who I am to
the people that matter to me
you know what I mean?
So if I ever go above
and beyond
I'm not doing it because
I feel that you feel
I should be doing it.
I'll go above and beyond
if that's what my heart
or instincts or whatever
tell me to do.
Go back to the isolation thing.
It's beauty in it.
Because
when it's just you
you know you'll begin to self reflect
and then at that point you gotta have like
honest conversations with yourself like damn
am I a good person?
Am I trying as hard as I could?
Did I do as much as I could?
And most people don't want to have those conversations
so instead you just jump on like
social media and some shit
watch a funny video or
whatever.
You'll do any and everything
to not have to
you know
face that one-on-one conversation with yourself.
The shit I've been having these conversations
my whole fucking life.
And because I'm willing
to have those conversations
I think it gave me a certain level like
foresight
that I don't see most people display.
You know what I mean?
The type to cut my nose
to spite my face.
You know what I mean?
I know you're probably thinking like
damn why are you starting off like this?
But
you know recently I've been
made aware of like certain situations
or
I mean obviously stuff I would never speak
about publicly because those conversations
were had in private.
You gotta have
that realization that you're enough.
Not enough
for the people around you but enough for you.
And once you get a firm
understanding of
I'm good enough for me
yo Skies the Leonard.
Like I used to have a shit ton of
self-doubt
and
you know
my mama used to say
the only thing that beats a failure
is a try.
Because that's one of my biggest pet peeves too.
It's like
when I hear a person say I can't
before they even attempt.
Man I can't do that.
How do you know?
This is another thing
I came to this understanding that
everybody can do
everything.
And I know you're thinking
everybody can do everything
but the caveat is
to the degree that you can do it.
Can I do a flip? Yeah.
Do I flip as well as
Olympians?
No.
Can I sing? Yeah.
Do I sing as good as Miguel
or Marvin Gaye or somebody? No.
But I still can do it.
Can I draw?
Yeah. Actually I can.
I draw very well.
Paint, all that shit.
But
when my artwork be revered as
like
a Basquiat or
Van Gogh, probably not.
But I'm okay with that because that's not my goal.
Anything that I'll find myself doing
especially as a late
it's not the
it's not the go
I can't wait for motherfuckers to hear
they're going to be crazy with it. I'll do that shit.
I do it for me.
I make music as well.
I believe I stated this before
but even to beat this plant in the background
I made it specifically for this park
cause I just didn't want to have
like just that
dead ass silence in the background.
So even if like I find myself trying to
collect my thoughts on here
it's not just this emptiness
just
fucking nothingness
why I'm trying to
gather my thought process.
It's a little nice little boom back in the background.
But even that
that wasn't
to anybody else's benefit. That was to my
to my benefit because I wanted
this to sound as processional as possible.
I'm a one man operation.
I mix, record, edit
all that shit. I do it in house.
But even on the music shit I write all my own music
I make all my own beats
I mix, I record, I
master them. I make the artwork
I put it out
and when the residuals
come back
I split it with myself
which is a beautiful thing.
But long story short and I feel like I took
up one third of this podcast
and probably felt like I wasn't talking about
much but if you go back there's some jewels in there
if you willing to decipher.
But to anybody with us
everybody
claim they love themselves.
So instead of being your own worst enemy
learn how to be your best friend
your own best friend I should say.
But oh and this is some cool shit I did.
So
this past Saturday
I went to this like
candlelight concert
and
I
don't recall
the place that I went to.
I can't remember the name of the place.
But it was nice. It's like the
theedral type of
setting. You could tell that
the structure was built in like
the late 1800s maybe.
Like from the stone
and the handcuffs
but anyway. So the stage
was probably about
I don't know maybe a thousand candles
but it was a big exaggeration.
And they had this
like a string
like
quartet
it was a violin
cello
I can't remember the other
string instruments they used.
But they were doing
like a dedication to like Neo Soul music.
When I tell you
it was absolutely amazing.
The artistry
like just
that level was skilled
to me as like genius. Where you have like
two of the members might play
the melody
for whatever Neo Soul song
they're doing a cover of
and then the other two
would like use the strings to almost
like
make the lyrics.
It probably sounds confusing how I'm explaining it but
it was one of the most motivating
slash mind-blowing things
I've seen.
Because
it wasn't a whole band, it wasn't a whole symphony
it was just these four people
and they made every single song
come to life.
Like where you know
it's a setting where you're supposed to just
you know be quiet and enjoy the music
but they were playing so well
that mom fuckers just started like singing along with it.
Cause it was
you know it couldn't help it.
Music was speaking to everybody in there
and it was a
it was a nice event man
I can't lie.
Everybody there looked nice
you know what I mean everybody kind of got like dressed up
and shit it was cool. Your boy
stepped out you know what I mean a little sweet
jacky little black turd not kind of neat
but black shiny shit
but that's no here there I get that
but FYI
but that was a cool thing
and it made me feel motivated and
leaving from there
it really like made me start to think like
you know Baltimore has
its reputation for
you know obvious shit
but it's so much more
to the city
and that was just like a small
a minute
just both secular
part of like the city where
you know
you wouldn't even think we would have that type of shit
but we do
so that's kind of my goal for like 2025
is
I don't want to say every weekend
because that's a hard schedule
to keep up with but I'm going to try
at the very least once a month to just
try to experience just some
cool shit
you know what I mean
and cool is subjective because I'm a fucking nerd
so cool for
me might be
going to a magic shop and watching the motherfuckers
do slight a hand for like 30 minutes
that's cool to me
like I enjoy like
escape rooms and shit like
that shit is fun
I think I like that type of shit in general
like you know I might play
the video game here and there but outside of playing like sports games and shit
like I'm not really
I mean Call of Duty and shit is cool
but I'm more of a resident
Zeevu, Silent Hill type of guy
one because I enjoy like the horror type of genre
but two
I like solving puzzles
you know what I mean like
for example I'm flying back
from
California no I was flying back
from Texas to Baltimore
and you know
before my flight you know you go into
like the little gift shop type of shit
at the airport
so I get something to drink for the flight
I get you know
chips and snacks whatever I got
but then I noticed they had a Rubik's Cube
you know and obviously I know what a Rubik's Cube is
I've been seeing them all my life but I've never tried
so I just buy one
I sit on the plane
put my earbuds in and listen to music
I'm just looking at this Rubik's Cube
and I'm just like analyzing
and the more that I looked at it like
I figured out like
it's a math equation
you know what I mean like that three times
three times three and with it being cubed
if you know there's something squared
cubed second power third power
it's a math equation
and like
I bullshit you not
my flight was probably only like
three hours
within
maybe the first hour
I figured it out
so
based on like
patterns or whatever
like there's certain
algorithms
and then once you figure out the algorithms
and it's how you solve it
people try to solve it side by side
that's not how it works
you gotta solve it in less
top layer
first layer
middle layer
flip it then that top layer
which would be
opposite to the initial
top layer that you solve
then the corners then the center
and I figured that shit out in an hour
so
recently I got like the full box full of Rubik's Cube
and
I'm still in the process of like trying to figure it out
but at the same time I haven't really had time to sit down
with it to try to figure out
the algorithms for that because all of them
is just all algorithm
but
I like shit like that
but most people like man that shit is like
oh so I was over
my sister house and
she's like remodeling her basement or whatever
so I was coming over there like to give a hand with that
so we're going through like some old boxes and shit
and found like an old
blockbuster video membership card
and it's still like
laminated the corners on pill
it looks like it just got printed like the other day
and
she was going to tell us that I was like can I have this
and she was like yeah
why do you want it I was like
I don't even know but I know that I want it
so she's like yeah take it as you want it
and I was fucking
ecstatic
so something like that like that type of shit
like it excites me
and I can't even really tell you why
maybe
subconsciously like I'm trying to like
live my childhood
searching for a certain level like nostalgia
but
I don't know seeing a blockbuster card
got me fucking excited
I would have you know what I mean like
if I found like a $10 bill I'm like oh that's cool
holy shit a blockbuster card
you know what I mean like I'm that guy
but like I like to go to like
flea markets and like thrift stores and shit
and it'll be like some random ass shit
like
it might be like yo this is my
bottle cap collection from the shifters
I don't know shit about
bottle caps and all that shit but I go
it looks cool
I'm gonna purchase that
but I'm not a hoarder I'm not that guy
I actually like
it's always like
you know design elements
like I like a clean
modern look like I like clean lines
or like open spaces I don't like shit
to be overcrowded
except for like my studio like
I put everything in here fucking
uh
movie quality chucky doll
fucking screen mask
sneakers comic books
posters fucking random
knickknacks fucking
action figures that I keep in the plastic
I remember one time
kids over at
my house once and
I forgot what action figure was
that they saw but they was like can I open this
I was like no please don't
like I don't even know if that shit has any values
to it but
it's in the plastic it looks pristine so
I want to keep it that way
it's so crazy like
as kids
everybody was in such a rush to grow up
and now that we older everybody's like
damn man I missed the old days
why did we do that
when you young you want to be old
once you get old you want to be young
I wonder why I wonder
why we like that as like people
and in summertime it's like man it's too fucking
hot man I can't wait for it to get cold
you know what I mean
then the second that it's cold it's just like fuck it's cold
man I can't wait for it to get hot
like yo niggas never said it's hot
but
that reminds me
of this like there's a song from
I think the 1910s
or the 1920s
and I should do
better with like research but like I said this
should be off the top scatterbring shit
I'll write when we think of some shit
don't remember I mean don't
prep for it because I had no intentions
of having this conversation I'm just sitting here
sitting in my studio
just speak to my mind
but it was a song from
the 1910s
or the 1920s and the song is called
after you get what you want
you don't want it
yo that song is incredible
and it's this woman talking to this dude
is the way the song goes
and she goes uh
after you get what you want
you don't want it if I gave you the moon
you will grow tired of it soon
and although I sit upon your knee
you'll grow tired of me
because after
you get what you want
you don't want what you wanted at all
and like
I mean that's simple lyrics but it's not
especially for like
I guess that time frame
where like you know females
opinions was held in like high regards
they didn't even have the ability to vote
but you know
to write those type of lyrics
like that shows a deep
level of understanding like
you know what I mean
but I don't know
I only brought that up because I previously brought up
the when it's hot
we wanted cold and vice versa and all that type of shit
but even to speak to that
like even though those are like
ideals that like oppose each other
I might have mentioned this shit before too
but I think
one of the best things about life is like
duality
and I can't even say best but I understand
it's level of importance
and the necessity for it
you know what I mean
like if it always
was sunny you would beg
for rain but if it always
rain you like damn I can't wait for the sun
to come out because they balance each other out
you know what I mean
you appreciate the sunny days because you know what a thunderstorm
looked like
you appreciate a thunderstorm because you know what a heat wave
feel like
they both play their roles
it's that yang and yang type
you need that balance
universally
you know what I mean
it's just simple shit like that
you know I now
that I'm older
I sit back and I think damn I never
thought about it like that
you know what I mean
or like you ever heard of
saying
too much
if anything is bad
sure because it's balancing
like let's say
you might think going to the club is fun
and I'm sure it is
but if you had to go to the club
every single day for a month straight
you would fucking hate the club
you know what I mean
so even though it's a good thing too much of it
it's bad like perfect example
I was watching this
this dietician
and he was saying like yo
the key to losing weight
or maintaining weight isn't the foods that you eat
regardless of the ingredients
it's the amount
of the food that you eat
so
I mean I can clarify that better
so
I could eat
the same amount of orioles
and calories as I could
and vegetables
and maintain or lose weight
but the thing is the amount so like
let's say 3 orioles is like
I don't fucking know
500 calories
you eat those 3 orioles
you're still going to be hungry and it's going to make you want to eat
3 more orioles type of shit
you're still going to be hungry
as opposed to 500 calories worth of vegetables
might be
fucking plate and a half
so you'll actually get full
so he purposely gain weight
like he gained like
fucking like 50 pounds
over the span of like 3 months
and some shit like that
and then he started a diet of
fast food
snacks and soda and shit
and lost all
he lost the entire 50 he gained
and an additional like 10
and like but
so he would go to McDonald's
he would cut like a triangle shaped
size out of the fucking
out of his burger
or whatever
like 5
like 4 or 5 french fries but he could only have
like 4 sips of the soda
so he reached like his calorie
intake I guess whatever the maximum
was for that meal
but he was fucking hungry all the time
but so when he go
too much of anything is bad so yeah
you can have soda chips all that shit
but too much of it is bad
you know what I mean
so on the flip side of that let's say
oh I want to be super healthy I'm only going to drink water
there's a limitation of that too
I watched the shit where like
the zoo was like yo the only
liquid I'll consume is
like water but he would start
drinking too much water in contrast
of his body weight and damn they killed
himself he was like
slutting his organs
so as important as water is
and as sensual as it is
and it's healthy and it's clean and it's
like too much of that shit
to kill you
that's funny too much
of something to kill you not enough of something
to kill you if you drink too much water
you could die if you don't drink enough water
you could die it's back
to the duality it's back to the
balancing act
which make me think like
that makes me think
about the universe like you know
like even with like the moon and the sun
and earth on this axis
like there's a gravitational
pull between both that keeps us in balance
which makes us rotate
if the moon was to drift away
or if we got off our axis
and drifted away like
we need both
if not like we would
fucking even drift towards the sun and burn up
or we would drift away from the sun
and we would freeze like
our planet is in like
perfect balance so it's like
the axis that it sits on
I don't think y'all get what I'm saying
it's so weird
shit like that as far as the
balancing act like how the universe
is like coded
like
it would seem like
an intelligent design
which would make you believe
that like there's a higher power
there's some kind of
grand being who created everything
and
there may be truth to that
and some people believe that some people build churches
behind that movements and shit
and then on the other side of the spectrum
you got people that's just like
all coincidental
and I kind of find myself in the middle
I don't align with anything specifically
but at the same time
I believe there's something greater than me
I believe there's something that's greater than all of us
I was a divine with 10 commandments
and that's not for me to say
and if I'm being honest
I don't think it's for anybody to say
but even with me saying that
that's not my place to say
so I stay in my own lane
I don't delve too deep into like
those type of conversations
because people are too emotionally invested
and that shit like wars and shit
legit
but you know
friendships can end over just
hey man
I think it's something up there controlling all this shit
somebody else going nah
like that shit can divide
families and shit
so I tend to avoid those
conversations unless like
I have like a deep level of
we have that
that level of understanding where like
we can have a conversation
and you can understand that like what I'm saying
even if it seem like it's combative
that's true aggressive of a word
fuck it
I don't want to say
combative
if my stance is diametrically
opposed to your stance
it doesn't mean that we end this
we just have different levels of understanding
or different views
which I think is a beautiful thing
because if everybody was the same
life would be fucking boring
so embrace your individuality
embrace isolation
embrace growth
don't be your own worst enemy
be your own best friend
so with that being said
I was here for a good time not a long time
if you want to follow me
if you want to react to anything that I said today
you can hit me up on instagram
at QGMusic
it's QGMU
that's I see on instagram
I hope everybody have a
safe and productive week
whatever girl you chasing I hope you get one step closer to it
if not achieve it all together
with that being said
peace
you