Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the very first episode of Cognitive Collage Parking.
I'm your host, Quentin Golden, choosing for short. I think the best way to describe what
I'm trying to do is, uh, face like a field dream or a nightmare or some shit. It's just
gonna be just random. So this isn't a political podcast. This isn't a music podcast per se
or sports podcast. It's truthfully whatever, whatever the fuck is on my mind is pretty
much what I'm gonna be speaking of. And I'll say this, it's never my goal to go out my
way to offend anybody. But if you're offended by something you hear, that's a personal
problem. I'm not trying to be a shock jack. I'm not trying to be this shit ain't for
clicks of views or just dumb ass shit. This is like, almost like a mini therapy session,
to be honest. It's like a no chance event or just give insight onto what I see during my
day to day or things I hear and how I internalize that information or, you know, I guess my
perspective on what I'm hearing and seeing and, you know, so we'll have times where like
I'll tell personal stories. I'll have times where I'll tell you where I've just been in
the background and just seen some shit that I thought was either devastating or hilarious
or anywhere in between those two particular realms. So I'm gonna start this episode off
by saying I'm fucking furious. I'm a diehard Ravens and born and raised Bolton Moerlin.
And my Ravens just lost a real close game that we should have won, but our fucking offensive
line is fucking trash. But at the same time, I got to give them some level of grace. Like
they are a young line. They're playing together pretty much, I think like three new guys on
the line. And the way that the Ravens run the ball with scheme happened. So offensive
linemen got to, you know, have a certain level of footwork and know what's going on right
now. I just, I just don't see it. So hopefully things turn around. I used to be one of those
fans where when we lose, I would be fucking furious. And then I had to stop and think
like all these niggas get to go home to their mansions and their nice cars and shit. And
I got to go to work tomorrow. So I think I can't be but so mad. But I will say this.
I will not watch Sports Center any sports relative thing for about two or three days.
I just, I can't handle the, I can't handle when they talk down with my shit. Like they
go out of that way to discredit this man because he's, he broke the mold. He's not your cookie
cut a quarter back. He's not going to stand tall in the pocket and so very to feel he
can do that because he has the ability, but you know, he brings a lot of nuance to the
game. And I'm seeing a lot of new teams trying to implement that same thing. But I can't
say he's the creative like Michael victim exists prior to him or war moon or even dawn
of the mcnad to, to that effect. But it was never, it was never, I guess the game scheme
for quarterback plan runs. Like you might have a hand there, but I felt like at times,
depending on our opponent, we would, we would actually build our game plan around having
design runs for the month. That's all that's. I'll say this. So my sister, maybe about
like a week and a half ago, she hits me up and she'll go, you're cute. I'm like, yo,
what's up? And she's like, you know, at my job, they having this like this fantasy football
type of thing. It's $10 to get in. But if you win the whole thing, it can be anywhere
from 500 to like a couple of thousand dollars. I'm like, $10 for a couple of fucking hundred,
potentially a couple thousand. I'm in. So the thing that's unique about this thing is
you can only pick a team once during the regular season. And it goes week by week. But the
thing is, if your team lose rock, like it's snow, reduce just out. So let's say I'll give
you an example. So week one, it was bangles versus, uh, fuck, what are the old patrons,
bangles versus the patrons. I'm thinking, all right, back. They got a new head coach.
Patrons ain't really got a running game like that. The defense is somewhat good, but they
caught it back. I think now it's like Tony Berset. I was still thinking it was like the
young kid from like last year, but I don't know if he's on the bench. Cut him. I don't
keep up with Patriots rafting on that shit from being honest. So I go, all right, I would
go bangles week one, one, you playing at your stadium. Joe Burroughs returned off the injury.
You still got Jamar Chase. Like now they did lose, uh, uh, Joe mixing. Is that his name?
I think he wants like the Texans or something. But like, uh, I was just like, all right,
no disrespect to running backs, but it's kind of like, you got a decent enough line. You
could kind of on some Emmett Smith shit run behind your blocks and play. So I was like,
I'm going bangles week one. That's it. They can sit a layup. Man, I totally forgot about
the fucking game. I turned on the fucking bangles again. Dog walk. I said, how the fuck
I'm going to lose a week one. But I did. Well, I was like a motherfucker and my sister called
me immediately laughing and crying. And she picked fucking Pittsburgh, uh, week one against
I think like Atlanta and they pulled it out. Didn't score touchdown on field goals and
shit. But, uh, the beauty of the tournament, well, I'm out the snow, but she's still in
to now this week. I don't know what team she picked, but she can't pick the Steelers against
the rest of the season. So at some point, uh, the premises are trying to pick at least
half of the NFL teams, uh, before the entire year is out. Now, when it gets to the playoffs,
obviously you can pick the same team type of thing. Yeah, I'm pissed. So Raven's lost
today. We are fucking over to like that shit is fucking whatever enough. Oh, uh, I saw,
I saw this homeless dude pull out of pay of scissors the other day and, uh, threatened
to cut a crossing guard. I was at the light and, uh, I don't know how I played out. There's
a light change, not just left, but the crossing guard didn't seem bothered at all. So either
this nigga had a knife on them too, or he acts military, whatever the case was. He didn't
seem bothered by those scissors at all. Now granted, they didn't physically engage. Or
if they did, I ain't see that part. But like, uh, just when the homeless guy was just like,
I'm going to cut you from here to toe. And the person guard guy just was like, all right,
and then the light changed. And that's just something at least it'll come to my mind
randomly, probably for like the next year. Like, I wonder what the fuck happened with
that person. Cause that's how my brain works. Like, I'll be sitting down chilling. I could
be playing a fucking game. Uh, I could be making a beat. I could be writing a song. I
could be watching a fucking YouTube on video, or YouTube video, I should say, where they
don't like a restoration on like a old fucking microwave or something. And then in my head,
it'll really pop in like, I remember that nigga in fourth grade trying to play with
me. I wonder what he's doing right now. Hopefully he's still alive and doing well.
Goddamn, how they going to get all that rust off the back of that microwave? And that's
how my fucking brain with everything in life. So I want them people where I can engage in
a conversation with anybody from the street is of the street dudes to fucking couch professor,
a director, like finance, like everything in between. Cause I kind of, I take pride in
being able to engage with a multitude of people because like we treat life so one dimensional,
so black and white, like there's no gray areas. So like when you see, I'll say this, I think,
I think everybody's prejudice, regardless of ethnicity, everybody's prejudice. Being
racist, that to me kind of, and I know what you're thinking, how the fuck you talking
about racism? I'm gonna bring it closer. But like being racist is, it requires power.
Being racist is having the ability to prevent somebody from pursuing something in their life
solely based off of ethnicity, whatever. Being prejudiced on the other hand is just a preconceived
notion about individual or group individuals solely based off of their ethnicity. Like,
I'll keep it real. I grew up in the inner city, like West Baltimore, and it was aggressive,
aggressive earlier. But like we didn't have many white people or any race of a race in
our community outside of Black honestly. And if we did see white people in our neighborhood,
they were either drug addicts or police or the Mormons. The niggas who show up were
like, they dressed like a fucking matrix and they'd be having book bags and shit. And they'd
be a pile of us on the corner and the niggas would just hop out and just start talking
about Mormon shit. Not an ounce of shame, it's a shout of them. But yeah, it's like
the preconceived thing. So, oh yeah, so, I bet you what I was saying, like, we treat
everything so black and white, like there's no gray areas. So you'll see like a person
like myself, I have tattoos, brown complexion, sometimes gold teeth, sometimes no gold teeth.
But based off of how I dress, like you can tell that I'm hip hop influenced. I mean,
from the style of sneaker I wear to the high way of the sneaker, that type of shit. So
I've had times in my life where I might be, I don't know, library, Baltimore, Newark,
Pinerburry, Bonsonville, fucking, who knows, fucking Pinerburry, whatever. But I'll have
a random conversation, he might be like an older white gentleman and we'll get to conversing
and he'll bring up a topic and I'm fluid in that topic and I can, they won't say it
as subtle, but you can see it in that face, like that wasn't expected, especially from
a person who looks like me type of shit. So I like those moments, you know, because it
can open the person's eyes up. Or I just like, I just like prove it in my own fucking
form, if I'm to be honest, like, you know, I'm well in my thirties and shit. But like
I said, from time to time, like I, I would wear my gold teeth, like six of the top six
at the bottom. So as I speak, all you can see is gold teeth type of shit. And I've had
people like, man, you're older, man, why are you still working? Cause I fucking want to
make it. And I'm a, there's no rule book for life. There's to the great, but it's not.
It's just like, if you're not hurting anybody else, you know what I'm saying? Like, yo,
live your fucking life. Do whatever the fuck you want. If you're gay, straight, if you're
fucking, identify as a fucking kangaroo, I don't give a fuck. If it don't directly
affect me, I could kill us. Have a fucking black. You know what I'm saying? Because one
day we're going to find ourselves, we're going to be on our death bed and we're going to
look back on your life and go fuck who likes it. I mean, I wanted to do this, but the
mother was like, yo, if you do that, I can't fuck with you. Yo, I wanted to do this, but
my brothers was like, ah, maybe if you do that, I ain't, everybody is living for everybody
else. And it's commendable, you know what I mean? To a degree, but at the same time,
it's like, who do you want to be as a person? Yeah, man, like this, I don't know. Like I
said, this podcast ain't going to be, it has no structure to it. This shit is, it's Charles
Manson at Disneyland. It's just, it doesn't make sense. But for some, some people here,
this shit go, I can identify with that shit. I get where you're coming from. And other
people listen to this shit go, this shit is bullshit. I'm never listening to it again.
And y'all both equally right. You know what I mean? Like I said, like, I'm not here to
push no agendas. I don't represent any type of fucking corporate interest. I wish I did.
I want some fucking sponsorship. I'm tired of getting up at fucking four in the morning
working 12 hours to go home and then work another 12 hours. Like, you know, life is
meant to live. And like I find myself often just thinking about if I was to hit a lot,
hit the ladder. Like what would I, what would I do? You know what I mean? Like for me, it's,
I'm not looking for anything strapped. Now I'm saying that like I live some type of extravagant
lifestyle now because I don't. I'm a regular ass nigga. But if I'm being honest, I just
can't say I'm, I feel like I'm doing better than most. You know, like I got a roof over
my head. I got the job to go to. I got a car to drive to get to that job. You know what
I'm saying? Like I got clean clothes the way I got food to eat. Like, you know, essential
shit. So I think for me, if I was to hit the lottery, like I'm not trying to go buy like
a fucking solid gold Tesla truck, cyber truck or some shit. Like that ain't, that ain't
what I'm looking for. You know what I mean? And I'm going to be honest to it. I ain't
going to be no fucking super turtle nigga. He was like, I ain't opening up like no fucking
rescue spots for animals and shit. Respectfully. It's just like, oh nigga, I'm going to take
care of the ones that I love and I know love me back. And I'm going to, I'm going to spend
my time actually living life because I feel like most of us, we're not even really living
life. We, we existed. You know what I mean? Like, and again, like I'm super thankful to
have a fucking job because most people don't. You know what I mean? Like it's, it's hard
or have a job where like I have the ability to, you know, maintain bills best I can. But
like time is valuable. It's the one thing that we spend that there's no receipt for.
There's no return policy. Once it's done, it's done. And I don't want to spend my whole
life building somebody else's dreams. You know what I mean? Like I don't even know what
the fuck my dreams are, but I know it's not punching the fucking clock every fucking day.
I know it's not that. Like I, I want the ability to be able to control my time because I mean
ever since like fucking, you know, grammar school, elementary school, like they, we've
been programmed. Like there is no difference between a fucking job and going to school
when you're a kid. The school was training you to fucking be a worker. Yo, here's your
uniform. It's the time you got to be here. It's the time you get a break. It's the time
you lunch. You get two days off for your weekend and then you get a summer vacation. Mega,
get up for work. You got to be there by a certain time. You might have to wear uniform.
This is your lunch break. This is your 15 minute break. You get your few days off and
you might get a vacation. What the fuck is the difference? I mean, like, I don't know,
man. Like, I guess that's just society, I guess. So like I said, if I was to hit the
lottery, like I'm not looking for no super extravagant shit. Like I would want a bigger
house than I currently have in a different neighborhood. A reliable vehicle, you know,
and just the ability to, no alarms, no alarms. I get up whenever I get up. You know what
I mean? If, if I decide, you know what, I want some fucking pizza. I'm going to take
the bus to New York and get some pizza, they fucking. Because I can. One, because I have
the financial means and two, I got the time, which is most important. You know what I mean?
Like time is so, time is so valuable. This is how important time is. Time is important
because death exists. And that's what also in turn makes death important because everything
was everlasting. There's no sense of urgency with anything. I mean, like if, if you knew
that nobody would ever die, you're not concerned with going to birthday parties. You're not
concerned with, you know, counseling plans that you have scheduled with somebody because,
you know, I can always see them. But the fact that we do know that time is finite and at
some point this shit is not going to be here. Well, time will be here. You won't be here
in a row as far as like time is concerned. That's why that stress is the importance of
fuck, I'm tired of shit, but you know what, I'm a go. Like for example, like my mother
lives on like the other side of town from me. And I have siblings who live on the side
of town. My mom might call me go, hey, can you run me to the store? And I can usually
be like, well, yo, ain't you over there? Ain't she over there type of thing? But I'm going
to get my ass up and I'm going to go take it one because I love my mother. Like that's
my nigga. I love my mother. But most importantly, there's going to be a day where I don't get
that phone call and I'm a wish that I went every time she called. So I could just get
off work. I could just be waking up if she called and I try to do the same for all my
siblings honestly. And I have times where like I fall short because I feel like I'd be pulled
in so many different directions. Like I'm well into my 30s and shit. I'm damning almost
out my 30s, being honest. And I'm kind of sort of just starting to figure out life.
I felt myself recently just really just reflecting, you know what I mean? Like trying to gain
understanding. But I'm trying not to fall in the trap of trying to understand everything
because everything's not meant to be understood. Some situations just got to accept those
situations for what they are. You know what I mean? And you don't have to have hard feelings
at bottom. You don't have to have any level of like hatred or vitriol or that type of
shit. It's just like, oh, except just for what it is. You know what I mean? So I've been
on a journey man. We all have. You know what I mean? Like I try to show certain levels
of like empathy in my day to day shit. Like, you know, because who the fuck knows what
anybody else is going through. Everybody's fighting their own like silent battles. You
know what I mean? And some people are more like outward with it. Like they'll get on
like social media and make a post and then about what they're going through. And you
know, based on that friend group or whoever, they might chime in and they might feel a sense
of comfort from that community and get that advice. And that's never really been my thing.
Like I'm more of a person who like I internalized shit, which isn't always the best shit even.
But like for me to like really open up to a person, I had to have a certain level of
like trustful and respect for me to go. I know this shit going to stay between us. If
it's something like super personal or that I ain't going to be judged for saying it.
But at the same time, that's shit is outside of my control too. So if what I'm saying
isn't overtly disrespecting somebody, whatever, I feel free like to speak my mind and shit.
And I try to have that same I try to have that same type of understanding for other
people like you come to me and tell me shit. I'm not going to turn my nose up that you
ain't going to judge you. I'll tell you if I don't agree with it, but that's not to
say nigga, you don't it wrong. Or you should be doing it this way. Cause who the fuck am
I? How the fuck would I know? I'm out here trying to figure this shit out just like everybody
else. But damn, something that just popped in my head and as quick as it popped in,
it's fucking popped right back outside of my head. I'm trying to remember it, but if
it's important, it'll come back to me. Yeah. Well, the fuck is listening right now? I'm
talking to y'all like know who the fuck I am. Like they give a little backstory, man.
Like I said, I'm from Baltimore, Maryland. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know,
I'm in my late thirties and I'm one of five children. So I'm the second to the youngest.
It goes my older brother, my two older sisters, it's myself and then I have a brother who's
like a year younger than me and shit. And I had a pretty normal childhood, I would say.
At least what I consider to be normal, like I said, we grew up in like West Baltimore,
like specifically like the 21215, like earlier code. I didn't live on Marlboro, I didn't
live on Rysers Town Road, Virginia Avenue, Tawanda, fucking Baylor, Cold Spring, Angleside,
Winners F. I didn't live all up and down like the 21215 area. And you know, it's as a kid,
you don't even, you don't even notice that like poor shit like that because everybody
around you is like poor. Now we had, we had food, we had a house, we had a crackhead hookup
out cable and our cable got turned off and shit, so you know, regular shit. Niggas play
with action figures and play football, road bikes, regular kid shit, watch wrestling,
you know what I mean? Like I remember being younger and being in such a hurry to grow
up and now that I'm older, on my days off, I watch Saturday morning cartoons and shit
on YouTube with the commercials in it, they give you that feel of nostalgia. It's just
like, you know, everybody's chasing some shit and then once you get it, you realize
what you already had was, if not better, but at least like, you know, I don't know, man.
I mean, the weird, weird space, but not weird with the negative connotation, like weird and
like, it's nuanced to it. Like I'm trying to understand my place and my family lives.
I'm trying to understand my place in the universe. I'm trying to understand my place in general.
So, like I said, man, I just been doing a lot of soul search, man. I'm just, I'm happy
to be able to exist. You know, I'm not perfect. That's not what I'm shooting for. None of
that shit. And I just want to be happy, you know, have a clear mind over the people who
love me in return. Like, I don't know. So, I've been, not to be redundant, but like I
said, I just been on the journey, man. Like, I'm an avid reader. I'll tell you that. I
read everything from the fucking novel, the nonfiction shit to fictional shit to medical
journals. I try to read at least one chapter a day, at least one article a day, no matter
what it is. It could be about some Marvel Cinematic Universe shit, but I'm going to
read up on it. Or it might be some shit about how there's a new medicine that's fucking
causing bacteria in your stomachs. I'm going to read something because, you know, every
day's an opportunity to learn something new. And when you learn something new, you don't
have to be the fucking, oh man, I need to learn more about science. No, man, it can
be like you learn the fucking recipe. Or you, you know, you decide, man, I'm going
to learn how to paint, whatever. Like, learn something, man. Like, keep growing. The beauty
of life is nobody knows everything. So, I think people imagine intelligence and, oh
man, I can give you the exact date of declaration of independence. I don't make you fucking
smart. It just means you remember. You remember the date. I think intelligence lies more
in the space of creativity. Looking at some shit from like a different angle. Like, that's
why I'm such a fan of like Dave Chappelle. Like, his perspective on shit is it'll ruffle
people's feathers, but it's because they're looking at it like surface level. Like, he's
always trying to draw like a correlation between some other shit that wouldn't be accepted
with something that society generally like accepts. You know what I'm saying? It's like,
well, why that and not that? And that's kind of the root of this comment. But you know,
I'm certain it's low people will hear it and go, oh man, that's motherfucking homophobia.
And you know, and if that's the, if that's the, that particular audience member level
of understanding who the fuck, who the fuck am I to say they wrong? Like, feel how you
want to feel as your life. But like, I enjoy people like Dave Chappelle or like George Carlin
or a Bill Burr or like a Louis C.K. You know, regardless of whatever personal shit they
do or don't do, like I can compartmentalize. I can still see the genius and the way they
think. But like a Shangela's like, I can still see the genius and they approach the things
like how they can take some shit and turn it on his head and make me go, God, I never,
I never thought about it like that. So this has been episode one. If you made it all the
way through to this point, price and that going, what the fuck is that? I get it. And
it makes sense. Also, let me see this. The little beat in the background that you listen
to, I personally made because I'm a bit of a musician, songwriter. I rap because I can't
sing the fucking lick I wish I could. If I could sing, I would let it off. That's the
type of that shit every time. But yeah, man, and even with the producing shit, like that
shit came off of just me going, why can't I do it? Anything that can be taught can be
learned. You know what I'm saying? And if you see the next person do it, don't mean
you can do it as well as they can do it. But seeing them do it, let you know that it's
possible to be done. So even with this podcast shit. So I don't know, man. I'm not looking
for fame out of this shit. I'm not looking for, I don't know. I guess I'm venting more
than anything else. Just giving insight to how my mind works. So well, if you're up to
this point again, thank you for listening. This is episode one of the cognitive collage
by Quentin Golden. I don't have Facebook and that shit. I had a Twitter or X. I still
might. I don't know what the fuck the password is, but you can follow me on Instagram at
QG music. That's QG. M. U. S. I. C. Thanks for listening, man. See you later.