1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:23,760 Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the very first episode of Cognitive Collage Parking. 2 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:33,920 I'm your host, Quentin Golden, choosing for short. I think the best way to describe what 3 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:43,560 I'm trying to do is, uh, face like a field dream or a nightmare or some shit. It's just 4 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:54,080 gonna be just random. So this isn't a political podcast. This isn't a music podcast per se 5 00:00:54,080 --> 00:01:00,360 or sports podcast. It's truthfully whatever, whatever the fuck is on my mind is pretty 6 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:08,680 much what I'm gonna be speaking of. And I'll say this, it's never my goal to go out my 7 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:15,800 way to offend anybody. But if you're offended by something you hear, that's a personal 8 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:24,080 problem. I'm not trying to be a shock jack. I'm not trying to be this shit ain't for 9 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:30,120 clicks of views or just dumb ass shit. This is like, almost like a mini therapy session, 10 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:38,560 to be honest. It's like a no chance event or just give insight onto what I see during my 11 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:48,720 day to day or things I hear and how I internalize that information or, you know, I guess my 12 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:54,800 perspective on what I'm hearing and seeing and, you know, so we'll have times where like 13 00:01:54,800 --> 00:02:00,120 I'll tell personal stories. I'll have times where I'll tell you where I've just been in 14 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:05,680 the background and just seen some shit that I thought was either devastating or hilarious 15 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:15,800 or anywhere in between those two particular realms. So I'm gonna start this episode off 16 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:25,800 by saying I'm fucking furious. I'm a diehard Ravens and born and raised Bolton Moerlin. 17 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:32,600 And my Ravens just lost a real close game that we should have won, but our fucking offensive 18 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:38,440 line is fucking trash. But at the same time, I got to give them some level of grace. Like 19 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:45,680 they are a young line. They're playing together pretty much, I think like three new guys on 20 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:52,880 the line. And the way that the Ravens run the ball with scheme happened. So offensive 21 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:59,120 linemen got to, you know, have a certain level of footwork and know what's going on right 22 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:04,840 now. I just, I just don't see it. So hopefully things turn around. I used to be one of those 23 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:10,880 fans where when we lose, I would be fucking furious. And then I had to stop and think 24 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:15,200 like all these niggas get to go home to their mansions and their nice cars and shit. And 25 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:21,280 I got to go to work tomorrow. So I think I can't be but so mad. But I will say this. 26 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:27,320 I will not watch Sports Center any sports relative thing for about two or three days. 27 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:35,280 I just, I can't handle the, I can't handle when they talk down with my shit. Like they 28 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:40,120 go out of that way to discredit this man because he's, he broke the mold. He's not your cookie 29 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,760 cut a quarter back. He's not going to stand tall in the pocket and so very to feel he 30 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:48,600 can do that because he has the ability, but you know, he brings a lot of nuance to the 31 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:54,760 game. And I'm seeing a lot of new teams trying to implement that same thing. But I can't 32 00:03:54,760 --> 00:04:00,560 say he's the creative like Michael victim exists prior to him or war moon or even dawn 33 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:09,280 of the mcnad to, to that effect. But it was never, it was never, I guess the game scheme 34 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:13,280 for quarterback plan runs. Like you might have a hand there, but I felt like at times, 35 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:19,400 depending on our opponent, we would, we would actually build our game plan around having 36 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:27,000 design runs for the month. That's all that's. I'll say this. So my sister, maybe about 37 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:31,720 like a week and a half ago, she hits me up and she'll go, you're cute. I'm like, yo, 38 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:38,280 what's up? And she's like, you know, at my job, they having this like this fantasy football 39 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:44,840 type of thing. It's $10 to get in. But if you win the whole thing, it can be anywhere 40 00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:51,360 from 500 to like a couple of thousand dollars. I'm like, $10 for a couple of fucking hundred, 41 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:59,040 potentially a couple thousand. I'm in. So the thing that's unique about this thing is 42 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:08,400 you can only pick a team once during the regular season. And it goes week by week. But the 43 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:15,280 thing is, if your team lose rock, like it's snow, reduce just out. So let's say I'll give 44 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:23,840 you an example. So week one, it was bangles versus, uh, fuck, what are the old patrons, 45 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:29,760 bangles versus the patrons. I'm thinking, all right, back. They got a new head coach. 46 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:33,680 Patrons ain't really got a running game like that. The defense is somewhat good, but they 47 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:38,400 caught it back. I think now it's like Tony Berset. I was still thinking it was like the 48 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:42,280 young kid from like last year, but I don't know if he's on the bench. Cut him. I don't 49 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:47,320 keep up with Patriots rafting on that shit from being honest. So I go, all right, I would 50 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:53,800 go bangles week one, one, you playing at your stadium. Joe Burroughs returned off the injury. 51 00:05:53,800 --> 00:06:05,080 You still got Jamar Chase. Like now they did lose, uh, uh, Joe mixing. Is that his name? 52 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:09,400 I think he wants like the Texans or something. But like, uh, I was just like, all right, 53 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:14,000 no disrespect to running backs, but it's kind of like, you got a decent enough line. You 54 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:18,040 could kind of on some Emmett Smith shit run behind your blocks and play. So I was like, 55 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:25,800 I'm going bangles week one. That's it. They can sit a layup. Man, I totally forgot about 56 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:32,840 the fucking game. I turned on the fucking bangles again. Dog walk. I said, how the fuck 57 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:38,400 I'm going to lose a week one. But I did. Well, I was like a motherfucker and my sister called 58 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:45,880 me immediately laughing and crying. And she picked fucking Pittsburgh, uh, week one against 59 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:50,560 I think like Atlanta and they pulled it out. Didn't score touchdown on field goals and 60 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:55,680 shit. But, uh, the beauty of the tournament, well, I'm out the snow, but she's still in 61 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,920 to now this week. I don't know what team she picked, but she can't pick the Steelers against 62 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:06,800 the rest of the season. So at some point, uh, the premises are trying to pick at least 63 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,680 half of the NFL teams, uh, before the entire year is out. Now, when it gets to the playoffs, 64 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:19,120 obviously you can pick the same team type of thing. Yeah, I'm pissed. So Raven's lost 65 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:31,000 today. We are fucking over to like that shit is fucking whatever enough. Oh, uh, I saw, 66 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,920 I saw this homeless dude pull out of pay of scissors the other day and, uh, threatened 67 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:42,440 to cut a crossing guard. I was at the light and, uh, I don't know how I played out. There's 68 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:48,120 a light change, not just left, but the crossing guard didn't seem bothered at all. So either 69 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:53,720 this nigga had a knife on them too, or he acts military, whatever the case was. He didn't 70 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:57,360 seem bothered by those scissors at all. Now granted, they didn't physically engage. Or 71 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:03,120 if they did, I ain't see that part. But like, uh, just when the homeless guy was just like, 72 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:10,280 I'm going to cut you from here to toe. And the person guard guy just was like, all right, 73 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:15,520 and then the light changed. And that's just something at least it'll come to my mind 74 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,520 randomly, probably for like the next year. Like, I wonder what the fuck happened with 75 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:23,440 that person. Cause that's how my brain works. Like, I'll be sitting down chilling. I could 76 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:29,160 be playing a fucking game. Uh, I could be making a beat. I could be writing a song. I 77 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:33,840 could be watching a fucking YouTube on video, or YouTube video, I should say, where they 78 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:39,200 don't like a restoration on like a old fucking microwave or something. And then in my head, 79 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:43,440 it'll really pop in like, I remember that nigga in fourth grade trying to play with 80 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:49,000 me. I wonder what he's doing right now. Hopefully he's still alive and doing well. 81 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:54,800 Goddamn, how they going to get all that rust off the back of that microwave? And that's 82 00:08:54,800 --> 00:09:01,800 how my fucking brain with everything in life. So I want them people where I can engage in 83 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:10,520 a conversation with anybody from the street is of the street dudes to fucking couch professor, 84 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:19,360 a director, like finance, like everything in between. Cause I kind of, I take pride in 85 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:26,360 being able to engage with a multitude of people because like we treat life so one dimensional, 86 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:35,800 so black and white, like there's no gray areas. So like when you see, I'll say this, I think, 87 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:42,800 I think everybody's prejudice, regardless of ethnicity, everybody's prejudice. Being 88 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:47,560 racist, that to me kind of, and I know what you're thinking, how the fuck you talking 89 00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:54,560 about racism? I'm gonna bring it closer. But like being racist is, it requires power. 90 00:09:54,560 --> 00:10:00,040 Being racist is having the ability to prevent somebody from pursuing something in their life 91 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:07,040 solely based off of ethnicity, whatever. Being prejudiced on the other hand is just a preconceived 92 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:14,880 notion about individual or group individuals solely based off of their ethnicity. Like, 93 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:21,880 I'll keep it real. I grew up in the inner city, like West Baltimore, and it was aggressive, 94 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:31,200 aggressive earlier. But like we didn't have many white people or any race of a race in 95 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:36,240 our community outside of Black honestly. And if we did see white people in our neighborhood, 96 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:42,240 they were either drug addicts or police or the Mormons. The niggas who show up were 97 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:47,360 like, they dressed like a fucking matrix and they'd be having book bags and shit. And they'd 98 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,600 be a pile of us on the corner and the niggas would just hop out and just start talking 99 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:57,600 about Mormon shit. Not an ounce of shame, it's a shout of them. But yeah, it's like 100 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:04,160 the preconceived thing. So, oh yeah, so, I bet you what I was saying, like, we treat 101 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:09,400 everything so black and white, like there's no gray areas. So you'll see like a person 102 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:16,400 like myself, I have tattoos, brown complexion, sometimes gold teeth, sometimes no gold teeth. 103 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:21,600 But based off of how I dress, like you can tell that I'm hip hop influenced. I mean, 104 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,920 from the style of sneaker I wear to the high way of the sneaker, that type of shit. So 105 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:32,920 I've had times in my life where I might be, I don't know, library, Baltimore, Newark, 106 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:38,920 Pinerburry, Bonsonville, fucking, who knows, fucking Pinerburry, whatever. But I'll have 107 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:43,840 a random conversation, he might be like an older white gentleman and we'll get to conversing 108 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:49,840 and he'll bring up a topic and I'm fluid in that topic and I can, they won't say it 109 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:54,880 as subtle, but you can see it in that face, like that wasn't expected, especially from 110 00:11:54,880 --> 00:12:01,480 a person who looks like me type of shit. So I like those moments, you know, because it 111 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:06,000 can open the person's eyes up. Or I just like, I just like prove it in my own fucking 112 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:11,920 form, if I'm to be honest, like, you know, I'm well in my thirties and shit. But like 113 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:16,920 I said, from time to time, like I, I would wear my gold teeth, like six of the top six 114 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:20,920 at the bottom. So as I speak, all you can see is gold teeth type of shit. And I've had 115 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:23,920 people like, man, you're older, man, why are you still working? Cause I fucking want to 116 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:29,920 make it. And I'm a, there's no rule book for life. There's to the great, but it's not. 117 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:34,520 It's just like, if you're not hurting anybody else, you know what I'm saying? Like, yo, 118 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:39,480 live your fucking life. Do whatever the fuck you want. If you're gay, straight, if you're 119 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:45,000 fucking, identify as a fucking kangaroo, I don't give a fuck. If it don't directly 120 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:50,480 affect me, I could kill us. Have a fucking black. You know what I'm saying? Because one 121 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:54,320 day we're going to find ourselves, we're going to be on our death bed and we're going to 122 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:59,000 look back on your life and go fuck who likes it. I mean, I wanted to do this, but the 123 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,120 mother was like, yo, if you do that, I can't fuck with you. Yo, I wanted to do this, but 124 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:07,200 my brothers was like, ah, maybe if you do that, I ain't, everybody is living for everybody 125 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:12,880 else. And it's commendable, you know what I mean? To a degree, but at the same time, 126 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:20,360 it's like, who do you want to be as a person? Yeah, man, like this, I don't know. Like I 127 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:27,920 said, this podcast ain't going to be, it has no structure to it. This shit is, it's Charles 128 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:32,960 Manson at Disneyland. It's just, it doesn't make sense. But for some, some people here, 129 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:37,760 this shit go, I can identify with that shit. I get where you're coming from. And other 130 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:41,640 people listen to this shit go, this shit is bullshit. I'm never listening to it again. 131 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:46,200 And y'all both equally right. You know what I mean? Like I said, like, I'm not here to 132 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:52,280 push no agendas. I don't represent any type of fucking corporate interest. I wish I did. 133 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,360 I want some fucking sponsorship. I'm tired of getting up at fucking four in the morning 134 00:13:56,360 --> 00:14:02,760 working 12 hours to go home and then work another 12 hours. Like, you know, life is 135 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:08,360 meant to live. And like I find myself often just thinking about if I was to hit a lot, 136 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:15,720 hit the ladder. Like what would I, what would I do? You know what I mean? Like for me, it's, 137 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:19,880 I'm not looking for anything strapped. Now I'm saying that like I live some type of extravagant 138 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:26,320 lifestyle now because I don't. I'm a regular ass nigga. But if I'm being honest, I just 139 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:32,600 can't say I'm, I feel like I'm doing better than most. You know, like I got a roof over 140 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:37,040 my head. I got the job to go to. I got a car to drive to get to that job. You know what 141 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:43,280 I'm saying? Like I got clean clothes the way I got food to eat. Like, you know, essential 142 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:48,280 shit. So I think for me, if I was to hit the lottery, like I'm not trying to go buy like 143 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:53,640 a fucking solid gold Tesla truck, cyber truck or some shit. Like that ain't, that ain't 144 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:57,960 what I'm looking for. You know what I mean? And I'm going to be honest to it. I ain't 145 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:01,840 going to be no fucking super turtle nigga. He was like, I ain't opening up like no fucking 146 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:08,080 rescue spots for animals and shit. Respectfully. It's just like, oh nigga, I'm going to take 147 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:14,640 care of the ones that I love and I know love me back. And I'm going to, I'm going to spend 148 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:20,120 my time actually living life because I feel like most of us, we're not even really living 149 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:27,920 life. We, we existed. You know what I mean? Like, and again, like I'm super thankful to 150 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:31,560 have a fucking job because most people don't. You know what I mean? Like it's, it's hard 151 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:37,880 or have a job where like I have the ability to, you know, maintain bills best I can. But 152 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:46,040 like time is valuable. It's the one thing that we spend that there's no receipt for. 153 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:51,560 There's no return policy. Once it's done, it's done. And I don't want to spend my whole 154 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:57,120 life building somebody else's dreams. You know what I mean? Like I don't even know what 155 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:01,840 the fuck my dreams are, but I know it's not punching the fucking clock every fucking day. 156 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:08,920 I know it's not that. Like I, I want the ability to be able to control my time because I mean 157 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:16,440 ever since like fucking, you know, grammar school, elementary school, like they, we've 158 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:21,600 been programmed. Like there is no difference between a fucking job and going to school 159 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:27,480 when you're a kid. The school was training you to fucking be a worker. Yo, here's your 160 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:32,000 uniform. It's the time you got to be here. It's the time you get a break. It's the time 161 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:38,480 you lunch. You get two days off for your weekend and then you get a summer vacation. Mega, 162 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:42,920 get up for work. You got to be there by a certain time. You might have to wear uniform. 163 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,960 This is your lunch break. This is your 15 minute break. You get your few days off and 164 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:55,840 you might get a vacation. What the fuck is the difference? I mean, like, I don't know, 165 00:16:55,840 --> 00:17:01,360 man. Like, I guess that's just society, I guess. So like I said, if I was to hit the 166 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:06,480 lottery, like I'm not looking for no super extravagant shit. Like I would want a bigger 167 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:14,360 house than I currently have in a different neighborhood. A reliable vehicle, you know, 168 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:23,480 and just the ability to, no alarms, no alarms. I get up whenever I get up. You know what 169 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:30,200 I mean? If, if I decide, you know what, I want some fucking pizza. I'm going to take 170 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:34,200 the bus to New York and get some pizza, they fucking. Because I can. One, because I have 171 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:39,200 the financial means and two, I got the time, which is most important. You know what I mean? 172 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:52,360 Like time is so, time is so valuable. This is how important time is. Time is important 173 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:58,880 because death exists. And that's what also in turn makes death important because everything 174 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:06,440 was everlasting. There's no sense of urgency with anything. I mean, like if, if you knew 175 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:11,880 that nobody would ever die, you're not concerned with going to birthday parties. You're not 176 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:17,360 concerned with, you know, counseling plans that you have scheduled with somebody because, 177 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:21,720 you know, I can always see them. But the fact that we do know that time is finite and at 178 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:27,680 some point this shit is not going to be here. Well, time will be here. You won't be here 179 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:32,400 in a row as far as like time is concerned. That's why that stress is the importance of 180 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:37,200 fuck, I'm tired of shit, but you know what, I'm a go. Like for example, like my mother 181 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:43,120 lives on like the other side of town from me. And I have siblings who live on the side 182 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:46,640 of town. My mom might call me go, hey, can you run me to the store? And I can usually 183 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:53,120 be like, well, yo, ain't you over there? Ain't she over there type of thing? But I'm going 184 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:57,920 to get my ass up and I'm going to go take it one because I love my mother. Like that's 185 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:02,800 my nigga. I love my mother. But most importantly, there's going to be a day where I don't get 186 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:07,800 that phone call and I'm a wish that I went every time she called. So I could just get 187 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:12,000 off work. I could just be waking up if she called and I try to do the same for all my 188 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:17,560 siblings honestly. And I have times where like I fall short because I feel like I'd be pulled 189 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:23,840 in so many different directions. Like I'm well into my 30s and shit. I'm damning almost 190 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:32,880 out my 30s, being honest. And I'm kind of sort of just starting to figure out life. 191 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:41,320 I felt myself recently just really just reflecting, you know what I mean? Like trying to gain 192 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:47,560 understanding. But I'm trying not to fall in the trap of trying to understand everything 193 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:52,760 because everything's not meant to be understood. Some situations just got to accept those 194 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:57,960 situations for what they are. You know what I mean? And you don't have to have hard feelings 195 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:02,680 at bottom. You don't have to have any level of like hatred or vitriol or that type of 196 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:10,240 shit. It's just like, oh, except just for what it is. You know what I mean? So I've been 197 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:16,440 on a journey man. We all have. You know what I mean? Like I try to show certain levels 198 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:22,560 of like empathy in my day to day shit. Like, you know, because who the fuck knows what 199 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:27,280 anybody else is going through. Everybody's fighting their own like silent battles. You 200 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:33,800 know what I mean? And some people are more like outward with it. Like they'll get on 201 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:38,040 like social media and make a post and then about what they're going through. And you 202 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:43,160 know, based on that friend group or whoever, they might chime in and they might feel a sense 203 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:47,840 of comfort from that community and get that advice. And that's never really been my thing. 204 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:55,960 Like I'm more of a person who like I internalized shit, which isn't always the best shit even. 205 00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,880 But like for me to like really open up to a person, I had to have a certain level of 206 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:06,960 like trustful and respect for me to go. I know this shit going to stay between us. If 207 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:11,800 it's something like super personal or that I ain't going to be judged for saying it. 208 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:15,920 But at the same time, that's shit is outside of my control too. So if what I'm saying 209 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:20,840 isn't overtly disrespecting somebody, whatever, I feel free like to speak my mind and shit. 210 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:26,560 And I try to have that same I try to have that same type of understanding for other 211 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,320 people like you come to me and tell me shit. I'm not going to turn my nose up that you 212 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:34,520 ain't going to judge you. I'll tell you if I don't agree with it, but that's not to 213 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:39,160 say nigga, you don't it wrong. Or you should be doing it this way. Cause who the fuck am 214 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:44,280 I? How the fuck would I know? I'm out here trying to figure this shit out just like everybody 215 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:55,680 else. But damn, something that just popped in my head and as quick as it popped in, 216 00:21:55,680 --> 00:22:00,280 it's fucking popped right back outside of my head. I'm trying to remember it, but if 217 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:05,480 it's important, it'll come back to me. Yeah. Well, the fuck is listening right now? I'm 218 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:10,960 talking to y'all like know who the fuck I am. Like they give a little backstory, man. 219 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:16,200 Like I said, I'm from Baltimore, Maryland. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, 220 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:25,680 I'm in my late thirties and I'm one of five children. So I'm the second to the youngest. 221 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:29,680 It goes my older brother, my two older sisters, it's myself and then I have a brother who's 222 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:37,280 like a year younger than me and shit. And I had a pretty normal childhood, I would say. 223 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:41,680 At least what I consider to be normal, like I said, we grew up in like West Baltimore, 224 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:48,400 like specifically like the 21215, like earlier code. I didn't live on Marlboro, I didn't 225 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:57,240 live on Rysers Town Road, Virginia Avenue, Tawanda, fucking Baylor, Cold Spring, Angleside, 226 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:05,840 Winners F. I didn't live all up and down like the 21215 area. And you know, it's as a kid, 227 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:11,520 you don't even, you don't even notice that like poor shit like that because everybody 228 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:19,080 around you is like poor. Now we had, we had food, we had a house, we had a crackhead hookup 229 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,920 out cable and our cable got turned off and shit, so you know, regular shit. Niggas play 230 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:27,440 with action figures and play football, road bikes, regular kid shit, watch wrestling, 231 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:33,520 you know what I mean? Like I remember being younger and being in such a hurry to grow 232 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:39,240 up and now that I'm older, on my days off, I watch Saturday morning cartoons and shit 233 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:43,320 on YouTube with the commercials in it, they give you that feel of nostalgia. It's just 234 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:49,000 like, you know, everybody's chasing some shit and then once you get it, you realize 235 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:57,280 what you already had was, if not better, but at least like, you know, I don't know, man. 236 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:02,320 I mean, the weird, weird space, but not weird with the negative connotation, like weird and 237 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:10,040 like, it's nuanced to it. Like I'm trying to understand my place and my family lives. 238 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:15,720 I'm trying to understand my place in the universe. I'm trying to understand my place in general. 239 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:22,960 So, like I said, man, I just been doing a lot of soul search, man. I'm just, I'm happy 240 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:30,080 to be able to exist. You know, I'm not perfect. That's not what I'm shooting for. None of 241 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:35,600 that shit. And I just want to be happy, you know, have a clear mind over the people who 242 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:46,520 love me in return. Like, I don't know. So, I've been, not to be redundant, but like I 243 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:51,400 said, I just been on the journey, man. Like, I'm an avid reader. I'll tell you that. I 244 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:57,280 read everything from the fucking novel, the nonfiction shit to fictional shit to medical 245 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:07,800 journals. I try to read at least one chapter a day, at least one article a day, no matter 246 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:12,400 what it is. It could be about some Marvel Cinematic Universe shit, but I'm going to 247 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:18,920 read up on it. Or it might be some shit about how there's a new medicine that's fucking 248 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:24,120 causing bacteria in your stomachs. I'm going to read something because, you know, every 249 00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:28,560 day's an opportunity to learn something new. And when you learn something new, you don't 250 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:34,000 have to be the fucking, oh man, I need to learn more about science. No, man, it can 251 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:38,960 be like you learn the fucking recipe. Or you, you know, you decide, man, I'm going 252 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:43,840 to learn how to paint, whatever. Like, learn something, man. Like, keep growing. The beauty 253 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:51,800 of life is nobody knows everything. So, I think people imagine intelligence and, oh 254 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:56,360 man, I can give you the exact date of declaration of independence. I don't make you fucking 255 00:25:56,360 --> 00:26:01,200 smart. It just means you remember. You remember the date. I think intelligence lies more 256 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:08,640 in the space of creativity. Looking at some shit from like a different angle. Like, that's 257 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:15,680 why I'm such a fan of like Dave Chappelle. Like, his perspective on shit is it'll ruffle 258 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,320 people's feathers, but it's because they're looking at it like surface level. Like, he's 259 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:25,400 always trying to draw like a correlation between some other shit that wouldn't be accepted 260 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:30,200 with something that society generally like accepts. You know what I'm saying? It's like, 261 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:34,920 well, why that and not that? And that's kind of the root of this comment. But you know, 262 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,600 I'm certain it's low people will hear it and go, oh man, that's motherfucking homophobia. 263 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:43,720 And you know, and if that's the, if that's the, that particular audience member level 264 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,120 of understanding who the fuck, who the fuck am I to say they wrong? Like, feel how you 265 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:53,320 want to feel as your life. But like, I enjoy people like Dave Chappelle or like George Carlin 266 00:26:53,320 --> 00:27:00,840 or a Bill Burr or like a Louis C.K. You know, regardless of whatever personal shit they 267 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:06,280 do or don't do, like I can compartmentalize. I can still see the genius and the way they 268 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:11,600 think. But like a Shangela's like, I can still see the genius and they approach the things 269 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:16,440 like how they can take some shit and turn it on his head and make me go, God, I never, 270 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:26,040 I never thought about it like that. So this has been episode one. If you made it all the 271 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:30,560 way through to this point, price and that going, what the fuck is that? I get it. And 272 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:35,600 it makes sense. Also, let me see this. The little beat in the background that you listen 273 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:42,600 to, I personally made because I'm a bit of a musician, songwriter. I rap because I can't 274 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:46,720 sing the fucking lick I wish I could. If I could sing, I would let it off. That's the 275 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:53,760 type of that shit every time. But yeah, man, and even with the producing shit, like that 276 00:27:53,760 --> 00:28:02,720 shit came off of just me going, why can't I do it? Anything that can be taught can be 277 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:07,320 learned. You know what I'm saying? And if you see the next person do it, don't mean 278 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,920 you can do it as well as they can do it. But seeing them do it, let you know that it's 279 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:17,040 possible to be done. So even with this podcast shit. So I don't know, man. I'm not looking 280 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:22,360 for fame out of this shit. I'm not looking for, I don't know. I guess I'm venting more 281 00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:29,600 than anything else. Just giving insight to how my mind works. So well, if you're up to 282 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:37,280 this point again, thank you for listening. This is episode one of the cognitive collage 283 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:43,480 by Quentin Golden. I don't have Facebook and that shit. I had a Twitter or X. I still 284 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:47,640 might. I don't know what the fuck the password is, but you can follow me on Instagram at 285 00:28:47,640 --> 00:29:07,320 QG music. That's QG. M. U. S. I. C. Thanks for listening, man. See you later.