1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,240 Hello and welcome to the CRS podcast. In this episode, a fan of professional wrestling accidentally 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:11,360 signs up for a wrestling class after clicking on an online ad. With no prior experience, 3 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:16,560 he gets thrown into his first match where he miraculously wins by sheer luck pinning his 4 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:21,680 opponent after an accidental move. He's then invited to participate in a local amateur wrestling 5 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:26,400 event against a professional wrestler. So this is one of those stories that you just can't make up 6 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:31,360 and I have no idea how it happened, but it did. Buckle up because this is a wild ride. It all 7 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:36,720 started on a lazy Sunday afternoon when I was scrolling through Instagram like a champion of 8 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:42,080 procrastination. I was aimlessly scrolling, double tapping pictures of puppies and food because 9 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:46,160 that's what people do when I stumbled upon an ad. It wasn't one of those by this thing, 10 00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:52,800 no Wurrile Bemasingout ads. No, this one caught my eye because it was something far more mysterious. 11 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,880 Want to try professional wrestling? Sign up today. Now before you call me crazy, 12 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:02,160 which you should, I've always been a huge fan of wrestling. Like I've watched every WWE pay 13 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:07,200 preview for the last 10 years, so I'm basically an expert at fake fighting. I thought, why not? 14 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:13,200 It'll be fun to see if I can actually do a suplex. So in my infinite wisdom, I clicked the ad. The 15 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:18,960 page was all flashy. Lots of bold text like become a wrestling legend and live while you are the 16 00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:24,640 RMS. It didn't seem too legit, but it had an online form and that was enough to convince me to sign 17 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:30,000 up. I quickly filled out my details, which included my name, age, and a bizarre question about my 18 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:35,040 finishing move. I wrote down the spaghetti slam because why not? Then came the payment section. 19 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:40,240 It was $50 for a beginner's wrestling session. Seemed reasonable, so I clicked pay now. Didn't 20 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:45,040 think much about it for the next few days until I received an email confirmation with the subject 21 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:50,480 line. Your book for your first wrestling match. My first thought was cool. They're giving me an 22 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:56,080 actual match to wrestle in after a single session. That's confidence in my skills. But the email 23 00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:00,400 also said to wear athletic gear and bring a mouth guard. Now I started to get a little worried. 24 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:05,360 Arrived at the wrestling gym, which looked like a mix between a warehouse and a basement. There 25 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:11,680 were no windows, just a ring in the middle surrounded by sweaty dudes and women in tights. The smell? 26 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:17,360 Oh, it was like a locker room mixed with regret. My stomach did a flip and I began questioning my 27 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:22,400 life choices. The instructor, a guy who looked like he'd been body slamming people since he was 28 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:28,000 born, saw me walk in and shouted, you the newbie, we got a full roster today. Get in the ring, kid. 29 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:33,200 Before I could process what was happening, I was handed a pair of neon green wrestling shorts 30 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:38,320 and shoved into the ring. I was about to face my first match. Here's the thing. I had no idea 31 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:42,160 what I was doing. I thought I would learn some moves, but nope. They just threw me in there with 32 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:47,120 another guy who was probably a local hero and we were supposed to fight in front of an audience of 33 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:52,400 six other trainees. He was twice my size, had the body of a Greek god and looked like he was made 34 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:57,920 of pure muscle. Meanwhile, I was wearing bright green shorts and praying that I didn't poop myself 35 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:04,160 out of fear. The bell rang. The guy immediately body slammed me to the mat and I felt every single 36 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:08,560 muscle in my body scream for mercy. I managed to get up with some help from the ropes and through 37 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:13,440 what I thought was a punch. It was more of a gentle tap. He looked at me, confused, and then 38 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:18,560 launched me into the corner. My neck snapped back and I started to see stars. It wasn't fun anymore, 39 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:24,080 but then something miraculous happened in the chaos. I tripped over my own feet and fell into a 40 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:29,360 perfect position. Without thinking, I wrapped my legs around his neck and started rolling. Next thing 41 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:36,320 I knew, I was pinning him down and the ref counted one, two, three, one. I have no idea how. It was 42 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:42,400 like the universe decided I needed an ego boost for doing something so absurd. To this day, I have no 43 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:47,200 idea if I accidentally stumbled into being a wrestling champion or if the whole thing was a joke, 44 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:51,600 but I walked out of that ring with my head held high. I signed up for a beginners class, but my 45 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:57,360 body is still recovering. So if you ever get an ad saying, want to try professional wrestling, maybe 46 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:02,720 think twice. But if you do sign up, at least have a finishing move in mind. The spaghetti slam lives 47 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:08,240 on. After my completely accidental victory in the ring, I figured, hey, maybe I'm a natural at this 48 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:13,760 whole wrestling thing. But as I limped out of the gym, I realized my victory was less about skill and 49 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:19,040 more about the universe laughing at me while giving me an outlandishly lucky break. I had absolutely no 50 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:24,720 idea how to replicate what just happened. Got home, threw myself on the couch, and immediately went on 51 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:30,800 YouTube to look up wrestling 101. The next few days were a blur of me practicing moves in my living 52 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:35,760 room. I tried to do a suplex by lifting a pillow, but it kept getting stuck on my ceiling fan. I 53 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:41,040 also tried a body slam with my laundry basket, but it turned out that body slamming laundry is far 54 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:45,680 less glamorous than it looks on TV. My neighbors were probably concerned about the weird noises 55 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:50,720 they kept hearing, like someone was being thrown into walls, followed by my desperate shouts of, 56 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:55,520 yeah, I'm the champ. Week later, I got another email from the wrestling gym. The subject line 57 00:04:55,520 --> 00:05:00,480 read, are you ready for the big leagues? I stared at it for a moment, half expecting it to be some 58 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:06,080 elaborate prank. But no, it was legit. The gym was inviting me to a local amateur wrestling event. 59 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:11,040 Apparently, they were running a rookie night where beginners like me would face off in front of a 60 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:16,000 small crowd. The catch, it was happening in two days. In The Real Kicker, I was booked against 61 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:22,000 the destroyer, an actual pro wrestler who'd been in the game for over a decade. Now, I had two options. 62 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:26,560 I could back out and live with the humiliation of being an internet troll who tried to wrestle, 63 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:31,440 or I could show up and become the biggest joke in local wrestling history. I chose the latter, 64 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:36,720 because who doesn't love a good train wreck? Spent the next 48 hours preparing the only way I knew 65 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:42,320 how by rewatching every wrestling match I'd ever seen and then calling my mom to tell her I might 66 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:46,480 not make it out of the ring alive. She said, don't get yourself hurt, which was, of course, 67 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:50,720 the most parental advice I could have gotten. The big night arrived. The wrestling venue looked like 68 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:55,840 a high school gymnasium, except it was filled with people who were way too excited to see two 69 00:05:55,840 --> 00:06:00,640 strangers throw each other around. I arrived, and the moment I stepped into the backstage area, 70 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:05,920 I realized I had no idea what I was doing. The destroyer was already there, a literal mountain 71 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:10,640 of a man stretching like it was just another day at the office. He looked at me and said, 72 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:15,200 kid, just try not to get yourself killed out there. Great advice. Thanks, man. Was given some 73 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,600 last minute advice by the coach who seemed to take me a little too seriously. If you're going to win, 74 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:24,320 kid, you got to sell the moves, he said. I was like, sell the moves? I'm just trying to survive out 75 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:29,600 there. But I nodded and pretended like I understood what he meant. Finally, it was my turn. The crowd 76 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:35,440 went wild as the announcer introduced me as the spaghetti slammer. Apparently, my finishing move 77 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,760 had already gained a reputation, and I was too embarrassed to tell them it was just something 78 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:44,240 I made up on the spot. When the bell rang, I did what any person who has zero clue what they're 79 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:49,360 doing would do. I immediately ran at the destroyer like a man possessed. Here's where it gets funny. 80 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:53,760 I don't remember much after that. There was a lot of flying through the air, being thrown into the 81 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:59,920 ropes, and an overwhelming sense of, oh, God, I'm going to die. Somehow, in the chaos, I managed to 82 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:04,880 trip the destroyer unintentionally and put him in a headlock. This caused the crowd to go wild, 83 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:09,520 which only made me panic more because I had absolutely no idea how to make it look like I 84 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:14,320 was doing anything on purpose. Then, by some stroke of sheer luck, I did the most graceful 85 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:19,360 accidental move I could have possibly done. I jumped off the ropes, twisted in midair, 86 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:25,600 and landed on top of the destroyer. The crowd went wild, and the referee counted one, two, 87 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:30,480 three, had just beaten the professional wrestler. I couldn't believe it. I stood there, completely 88 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:36,960 stunned as the referee raised my hand in victory. As I left the ring, the real champion, the destroyer, 89 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:41,440 gave me a pat on the back and said, you did good, kid. You got heart. I don't know if he was being 90 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:46,320 sarcastic or if he was actually impressed by my accidental luck, but I'll take it. As it turns 91 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:51,200 out, I'm now a local legend in the wrestling community. They invited me back for more matches, 92 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:55,760 and I'm seriously considering it. But maybe next time I'll try to learn something about wrestling 93 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,840 before I end up on the ground again, praying that I don't get hurt. Until then, I'll keep 94 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:07,120 practicing my spaghetti slam. And who knows? Maybe one day, I'll actually make it look intentional.