1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,400 Hello and welcome to the CRS podcast. In this episode, we dive into one of the most cringe-worthy 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:11,680 and unexpected stories you'll ever hear. Our guest recounts the time he celebrated his 18th 3 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:16,960 birthday with his mates at a sketchy strip club ready for a night of laughs and adulting. 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:22,400 What started as a hilarious, carefree evening took a jaw-dropping turn when the next dancer 5 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:27,200 under the spotlight turned out to be his mom. Alright, buckle up because this story still 6 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,600 haunts me to this day. It's been years since it happened, and my mates still bring it up 7 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:37,040 whenever they want to roast me. At this point, I can laugh about it, kind of, so I turn 18, 8 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:41,920 and like every other freshly legal idiot, my friends and I wanted to celebrate by doing something 9 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:47,920 adult. After brainstorming a bunch of ideas and rejecting anything too boring, like just go to 10 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:52,640 the pub, someone suggested we hit up a strip club. The ideas seemed ridiculous at first, 11 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:57,040 but the more we joked about it, the more it made sense. We were all hyped about crossing that 12 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:02,080 weird threshold into adulthood, so we thought, why not go all in? We chose this sketchy little 13 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:07,200 strip club a few towns over because we figured there'd be less chance of running into anyone we 14 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:12,880 know. A buddy of mine said it was cheap but decent, which in hindsight should have been a red flag. 15 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:17,600 But I didn't care. I was 18 with some cash in my pocket, and my only goal was to have a laugh with 16 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:23,360 my mates and maybe get my first lap dance. We're all up to the place, and it's exactly as dodgy 17 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:28,960 as you'd imagine. Neon signs flickering, bouncers who looked like they'd rather be anywhere else, 18 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:33,600 and a clientele that was a mix of drunk college kids and middle-aged dudes who'd clearly been 19 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:38,560 there too long. Perfect. The night started out pretty fun. We grabbed a table near the stage, 20 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:43,600 ordered overpriced beers, and cheered like idiots for every dancer who came out. Honestly, 21 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:48,640 it felt more like a comedy show than anything sexy. My mates were cracking jokes and egging 22 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:53,520 each other on to go up to the stage and throw singles. For a while it was all good vibes. 23 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:58,560 Then it happened. The DJ gets on the mic and announces the next dancer. Alright gentlemen, 24 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:04,720 get ready for the one and only candy. The light's dim, the music changes, and out walks the next 25 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:10,720 dancer. I'm sitting there casually sipping my beer when I glance up at the stage and almost choke. 26 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:17,040 There under the spotlight was my mom, my actual mom, in a sparkly bikini strutting across the stage 27 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:22,960 like she owned a place. Froze, my brain completely shut down. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. 28 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:28,320 At first I thought no way. That can't be her. But the more I stared, the more I realized that no 29 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:34,800 was 100% my mom. Same face, same haircut, same freaking tattoo on her ankle. My mates, of course, 30 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:39,520 hadn't caught on yet. They were busy whooping and hollering like the idiots they were. One of them 31 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:45,680 even yelled, oh damn, she's hot. Wanted to die. As she started dancing, I ducked down in my seat 32 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:50,720 and tried to make myself invisible. I was praying she wouldn't see me, but the universe wasn't on 33 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:56,080 my side. About halfway through her routine, our eyes met. Her face went pale. I think she was 34 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:01,680 just as horrified as I was, if not more. She stumbled a bit, like she was deciding whether to run off 35 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:06,720 stage or finish the dance. I don't even remember what she did, because I was too busy trying to 36 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:11,280 figure out how to leave without anyone noticing. But of course, my mates noticed. One of them leaned 37 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:15,920 over and said, dude, why do you look like you've seen a ghost? I didn't know what to say. So I 38 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:21,040 just mumbled something about feeling sick. Then another mate, let's call him Tom, starts squinting 39 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:26,160 at the stage. Wait a second, he says. She looks kind of familiar. Before I could stop him, Tom's 40 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:32,320 eyes go wide and he shouts, holy shit, that's your mom. The whole table erupted and laughed her. 41 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:36,640 I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole. My other friends started losing it, 42 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:42,960 shouting, no way. And is he serious? Meanwhile, I was sitting there completely dead inside, 43 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,040 wishing I'd never been born. Don't remember much of what happened after that. I think I mumbled 44 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:52,720 something about needing air and bolted out of there. My mates followed me outside, still laughing 45 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:56,480 their asses off, while I stood there trying to process what the hell had just happened. 46 00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:01,040 Eventually, my mom came out through the back entrance. She didn't say anything at first, 47 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:05,760 just gave me this look like she was waiting for me to explode. But I didn't. I think I was too shocked 48 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:10,880 to even be mad. We had the most awkward conversation of my life right there in the alley behind a strip 49 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:15,360 club. She explained that she'd been dancing there for a few months to make extra money after the 50 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:20,240 divorce. She swore up and down that she didn't plan on doing it forever and that she'd been 51 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:25,600 trying to keep it a secret from everyone, especially me. Didn't yell or freak out. I just said, 52 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:30,880 I wish I didn't know. Then I turned around and walked back to the car. My mates, thankfully, 53 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:36,240 gave me a bit of space after that. The ride home was dead silent. No one dared to crack a joke 54 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:40,240 because I think they could tell I was on the verge of losing it. When I got home, I just went to my 55 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:46,240 room and stared at the ceiling for hours, trying to erase the memory from my brain. Spoiler, 56 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:51,280 it didn't work. To this day, my mates love to bring it up whenever they can. If we're out drinking, 57 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:56,320 someone will inevitably say, hey, remember when we went to the strip club and saw your mom? It's 58 00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:01,680 their favorite story to tell at parties. And every time I just sit there facing my hands, 59 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:06,800 praying for it to end. Moral of the story, don't go to sketchy strip clubs to celebrate your birthday. 60 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:12,240 Or maybe just be prepared for the worst because life is a way of blindsiding you when you least 61 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:28,320 expect it.