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Enjoy the show. Welcome to Soul Decodes. Join
us as we wander off the path to find the ideas
that fascinate. We talk about spirituality, the
mind, the ego, wellness and hidden history with
tips, travels and tales. Charms for a better
life. Hello, everybody, and welcome. You're listening
to Soul Decodes. My name is Dr. Tia Jolie Phillips.
I'm with my co -host, Sarah Tirri, and we have
a special guest today. Yes, we do. She's amazing
in so many ways. And you know why she's amazing?
I do. Because she's British. So true to form,
the Americans are outnumbered here. It's a British
invasion. But I'd like to welcome Sharon Keeble
to the studio. Welcome, Sharon. Thank you, Tia
and Sarah. For having me. It's lovely to have
you. Thank you. So for those of you who love
this beautiful British, those voices, you're
going to really enjoy today's episode. Sarah,
you've known Sharon a couple of times. She's
been to some gatherings here. The first time
we met was here, yeah. Yeah, so we've had some
gatherings. But Sharon, you and I have known
each other for a couple of years through some
of the local networking. Yeah, yes, we have from
the chamber and other networking places, I think
at least a couple of years. Probably a couple
of years, yeah. But the more I learn about you,
the more layers, the more I learn the different
depth to who you are. But for somebody who doesn't
know Sharon Cable, what... Give us some background.
I mean, were you born in America or Britain?
So I was born in England. I grew up just south
of Manchester. Most people have heard of Manchester,
I think, with this soccer team. And then I moved
around a lot with my job. I'm a journalist and
an author. So I moved around a lot, got married,
had children, then visited America when my youngest
was about one years old. Went to the Keys, fell
in love. Totally. Bought a little holiday home
near Orlando that we rented out to other Brits,
and then decided we wanted to live here. And
in 2005, we moved here. I actually came over
thanks to the National Enquirer magazine, who
gave me a job as a features editor. And no matter
what anybody says about the National Enquirer,
I absolutely loved every minute of it. It was
so fun. I bet they had more truth than the regular
news. Well, I will tell you, Tia, you're absolutely
correct there. Because every single story, and
a lot of people might not believe this, but every
story that goes in that magazine is really checked
out. We have to have it passed by lawyers. Really?
Yes. So if somebody was suing you, it costs $250
,000 off the bat to defend yourself. So they
don't want regular $250 ,000 lawsuits. So they
have their own lawyers and everything has to
be passed by them. If you read the National Enquirer.
But there was a headline years ago, and I don't
know whether it actually was quite a long time
ago, and I can't remember what it was, but it
was something like, mermaid gives birth to reptilian
baby off the coast of Seattle or something. So
it was like, holy shit, but they cover that because
that's not liable, is it? They can just say what
they want as a headline. And it's something,
I mean, it was like, wow, it got my attention.
Now, I'm wondering if that was a national examiner.
Oh, okay. Could have been. Yes, because that's
like a sister magazine to the Inquirer. So that
could be that. I think people sometimes get them
mixed up. So, but I can honestly tell you that
everything that goes in that magazine is thoroughly
checked. No matter what politicians say that
I didn't do that or whatever. yeah to get in
it's very yeah we're pretty sure you did here
it is so oh yeah this is fascinating that you're
a journalist and she's a writer sarah's a writer
so that's you have that in common as well yeah
so you say that you say that you loved it i can
just imagine that so you're with a whole load
of people putting content for this that's creative
yeah you've got a mission you've got to get a
story it's got to be well done and you've got
to prove yourself a bit i mean and it's quite
a lot at stake because it's at a weekly or monthly
magazine weekly so i can imagine and was this
So you came to America to work in America for
the National Enquirer. Yeah, they offered me
a job and they paid for me and the girls and
my husband to come over. And they said to me,
you can either work in New York or you can work
at home. So I'm like, well, I think I'll work
at home in Florida so I can be with the kids.
But actually, I was sent out on location a lot.
So I went. all over the place actually that year
it was Hurricane Katrina and one of my first
big jobs was yeah so the National Enquirer had
got together a fundraising so myself and a photographer
went out stayed in Mobile Alabama and we helped
this church put all these care packages together
and then we drove from Mobile into Louisiana
and um so that was um a shocking visual for you
then I mean that wow that was one of your first
jobs it's like I mean you weren't in Kansas anymore
at that point were you wow that's a big no no
it was did you have to interview people that
had suffered I did I did I worked on that story
for a long quite a long time actually because
stories kept coming out of stories you know as
you can imagine um but it was um I remember it
So, so vividly because, you know, I'd never seen
anything like that because we don't get anything
like that in England, do we? No, it was your
first hurricane. I mean, now it's a bit of a
banality, isn't it? But then it would, yeah.
But I remember, so we were with an army convoy
and I was sat in the front with this army guy.
And as we came across into Louisiana. There was
this smell, like, so weird. I'd never, like,
smelled anything like it, honestly. And I said
to the army guy, I'm like, what on earth is that
smell? And he just looked at me and he's like,
it's death. And I was just like, yeah. It still
makes me go shivery. Yeah. And it got so strong
as we... Oh, wow. Because you wouldn't know what
that is unless you were in it because it's not
an everyday thing. No, no. And the devastation,
you know, I've never seen anything like it. We
went to several different towns to deliver. But
there was this lady, I remember, there'd been
a 12 -foot storm surge and it had wiped out this
whole... area and there's about 12 houses i think
that were there and we went in there and um this
lady was in a tent with um her husband every
house was gone and rubble everywhere and i handed
her this uh this care package and she just threw
her arms around me and she was just so grateful
for you know and i was just like oh my gosh you
this woman has lost everything and yet she she
can be so grateful and... be like this you know
in this in all this devastation so it was we
did a podcast we've done a few about gratitude
but that's a very interesting story everything's
been taken away but this is meaningful for her
and that level of gratitude and you were there
you bothered you cared and that is the human
spirit isn't it and it's it's a really good lesson
in gratitude is very very important to the spiritual
life it really is and that was kind of you know
it's probably a lot of profound things that happened
to us As a result of being there. But that's
an interesting one. And I mean this is just.
How long were you there for? So I worked for
them. Let me see. Gosh. Quite a few years. And
did you have lighter hearted stories. To report.
So when you went out there it could be. It wasn't
just that. No. Something like that. No, because
I, so I was the features editor for the real
life stories. So I didn't do a great deal of
celebrity, which of course the National Enquirer
is known for. I did some, but I predominantly
did a lot of real life stories. And I had, I'd
spoke to some incredible people, you know, with
the most amazing stories that we're quite happy
to share. Often if there was a lesson in it,
I find that people want to share their stories
if they want to help other people. Kind of like
why you're here. Yeah. I mean, you agreed, like
you've been through a lot, not just what you're
talking about with the newspaper, but your personal
life. We'll get to that in a minute. But would
you say, I don't really know too much about you
personally, but would you say you're kind of
a spiritual person or do you believe your soul's
having some sort of a journey? Because that's
very central. to what we do on Soul Decodes.
The idea is that the premise is that we each
have a soul, although I might have met some people
that don't. But, you know, the premise is that
we have a soul and we're on this journey through
this earth space. And Soul Decodes is about deciphering
or decoding what's this experience all about.
So based on this newspaper experience with Katrina
and these people, Would you say, how does that
play into this idea that your soul, you personally
are going through this journey? How was that
transformative for you? So I am a very spiritual
person, for sure. I think I learned lessons there.
I learned that, you know, even in the most despair,
there is always a shining light. And that has
helped me as I've gone, as I've dealt with stuff
in my own personal life, major events. So, yeah,
I think my job has been an excellent, has been
very good for me because I've been talking to
all these different people and they've kind of
taught me, if you will, that it's good to share
because somebody. somebody is always going through
something and if they can hear how maybe you
get through something or find the um you know
if you I don't know what I'm trying to say. I
just feel it's very helpful for people to know
that they're not alone. Exactly. I was going
to say they don't feel as lonely. Yes. Because
someone else on this planet is dealing with that
and it eases the burden to some degree. I'm not
quite sure why, but it does. Yeah. And I'm not.
And we do go through a lot on this planet. I
mean, and we've all done in our lives. I mean,
your situation, which I think you're going to
talk about, that is. But planet Earth is quite
a difficult. I refer to it as a training ground.
that we're here to learn. And then teach as well.
So sharing, it's not, I mean, I write my book,
The Star Side Prophecy, which is this one. I
talk about the first 20 years, 23 years of my
life. And I share my childhood because it was
very, very troubling and difficult. And I always
wanted, because a lot of people, I don't know
whether you did. I mean, some children do have
difficult childhoods. And I felt that sharing
my story and hope that it would be helpful, that
someone would be able to relate to this. And
maybe not the whole thing, but aspects. of it
so and I didn't I don't have a problem sharing
or writing about myself now some people could
say that's pretty egotistical Sarah but I think
I love it when people share and open up and I
find British people I mean they can be quite
guarded Can't they? But then some Americans can.
But I've never been guarded. I'm quite happy
to talk about things that I've been through.
And now, you know, you can do that. But then
people that have spoken about things that they've
been through have been helpful to you. Right.
So that's really sweet. Absolutely. So this is,
I did not know about your experiences with, you
know, the hurricane in Cortina and the aftermath.
I've been in the back end of a hurricane when
I was flying C -141s. I went to Bermuda. Well,
up in the sky, you mean. No. On the ground? Right,
okay. I was the first airplane in back in the,
what, late 80s when there was a hurricane that
hit Bermuda, a square hit. And we were the first
ones in, myself and my crew. We're on the backsides
of the hurricane, the bands, the back bands.
They had to clear the runway. You couldn't get
around with cars. It was a mess. You literally
had to get a moped. and go around these huge
trees that were uprooted. So my question to you
is, you know, we share that experience. You know,
a lot of people would look at that experience
and say, oh my goodness, how could there be a
God? What kind of God would let this happen?
But my question is, can you see a scenario where
that's evidence that there's a God? Were you
able to see humanity at its very best in that
negative situation? Okay, so I don't. I don't
necessarily believe that there is one God. Okay.
I will be honest. I do believe that there is
definitely something. Just not sure what. Some
creator. Yes. Some source. Yes. Now, whether
that's one, two, I don't know. You know, let's
face it. Nobody really knows. Just you know.
You're in good company because we very much feel
that way. There's this creative force. It's infinite.
We don't understand it. We don't want to make
God look like us because that would limit. We're
born in his image though, aren't we? That's the
story. So you're very safe here. So thank you
for sharing that. Yeah. So so so we believe in
there's a divine intelligence, a creator. We
try and work out what that looks like based on
a lot of things. But yeah, we're not necessarily
the monotheistic Christian God, but there is
something. But we agree with you. None of us
can really know for sure. That's why we have
to compare notes. So please go ahead. So, however,
I do believe that there was something going on.
At that time. And I, and I believe it's, that's
a big question. Um, cause I don't, I don't also
don't believe things happen, happen for a reason.
I don't believe things in our lives are all mapped
out for us either. Do you believe some things
are some things, but not everything. Yeah. I
agree with that. You know, some people. So there's
a degree of autonomy and free will. We're not,
we're not robotons. Like, you know, I must do
this today because it's scripted for me. Yeah.
Yeah. So, um, There was definitely, though, something
spiritual going on there. And I feel like people
who maybe were going through that and were not
spiritual maybe found something out of it. Because
a lot of people had a lot of help, say. There
was a lot of people there trying to give them
support. And I think when you feel that... It's
more than just support. It's more of an internal
thing that you feel. So I do think that there
was definitely something going on. Spiritual
movement of some kind. Yeah, I do. I do. In previous
episodes, I bring that up because I've seen some
of the best parts of humanity come on the backside
of devastation. tragic though that we get together
after a fucking great cataclysm yet in our normal
waking lives we should be a bit more like that
and in the whole world heaven on earth would
be built at that point I mean even I wasn't with
him but I'm told that Ronald Reagan said that
the only way to really unify people is to have
some existential like an like a universal existential
crisis to unify the people. It seems like we
rally for each other when we have to rally for
each other. And you're right. Why don't we just
rally for each other during peacetime, during
a beautiful day like this? Why don't we do that?
If there is a spiritual movement in that, it
could be that you're surviving that and getting
through that for a whole host of spiritual reasons,
each individual to the person participating.
See, I completely forgot where I was going. Well,
I want to share one thing while you're recovering.
So, you know, when I was in Palm Beach, Robin
and I had this experience where we saw this homeless
girl. We were having a picnic. We saw this homeless
girl eating from the trash can. And it's beautiful.
We're looking at the yachts and the beautiful
intercoastal. And we're like, oh, my gosh, we
packed our stuff up to find that lady. We couldn't
find her. So I was like, oh, but I found like
six or eight other homeless people. So we took
the food we had and split it up like eight ways
and took one eighth to all the different people.
And I saw one of the guys, like the first guy
I gave food to was taking his portion of one
eighth and splitting it off. And I'm like, what?
And I went to talk to him. I said, that's all
yours. He says, no, no, my friends need some.
I said, no, no, no, I took care of you. But I
just walked away like totally. I get emotional
every time I tell that story because that's the
best of the best of humanity. These people have
nothing. They're homeless and they don't have
food. And here they are. I give them each what
I have. They took their stuff and split it up.
And here's a guy that didn't know I did that,
splitting up his stuff for the other people.
This is not like a hurricane, but to me, it's
evidence that we are here to serve each other.
We are here to help each other. And even when
you have nothing, there's still that spark, that
spirit within us that wants to help other people.
I agree. So did you think of what you were thinking?
No, I'm kind of loose on that. I think what I
wanted to say about that, there's something happening
spiritual for everyone. And I think it was Douglas
MacArthur who said there are no atheists down
the foxholes in Bataan. So at that point, when
you see all these waters rising, I write science
fiction and fantasy, so my mind can go there.
It's kind of, you know, it's a bit of a burden
sometimes. But you would be praying to a God.
You'd be like, God, deliver me. God help me.
And then if that happens, that could just be
the catalyst to put you into a spiritual realm
that you wouldn't have been in prior to that.
But there would be a number of things, each working
individually on the participant of that. So something
spiritual is going on. But there's no clarity
to me because we each got different things that
we're here to withstand and learn and experience.
But this idea of God help me, you know, it doesn't
have to be the outside God. It could be the God
within you. Yeah. But you would be praying for
your life, though. You'd be like, spare me. But
you'd be summoning it from within you. God help
me means bring forth what I need to survive this.
It's potentiality. But also I think that when
we look at other people that are in really a
bad situation, we see another one of us. We recognize
them as a divine fractal. And we want to help
them because they are another one of us. They
have a soul. They're on the journey. And we want
to help them on their journey. And so I think
it helps both people. That's why I say these
negative things that happen in the world around
us. They're not negative. It's a good, I mean,
my brother, he's an atheist and he's a devout
one. And he has never been able to reconcile
suffering with the existence of God. He's never
been able to get through that. But you can't
if you see God in a certain way. If you expand
your belief system, that actually gets easier.
The more you have this, you have a postage stamp
view. And then when you pull back and start looking
at... what all the world religions say about
God, it can get easier to reconcile suffering,
but it's still a very difficult thing. How could
there be a God and let this happen? I think so.
I think that's one of the hardest questions to
answer. Why would a little child of two years
old, I did a story on him, he died of a brain
tumour. Why? He was a little boy who had everything
to live for, a beautiful family, everything.
So why does anything terrible happen to anybody?
I don't know. I really don't. But I do have a
problem reconciling that if there is a God. I
must admit, I do. Yeah, it's a very natural thing.
So we left off, you were talking about there's
some sort of God. It might be polytheism or it
might be more than one. It's definitely an infinite
source. There's some sort of energy. It's palpable.
But we just can't put our... Our senses are outed
for now. But continue with your story because
we're talking about you took us with your history
through Katrina, but then pick it up from there
and talk us through it. How old were your children
at this point? So... And you have three girls.
Yep, I have three girls. Emily, she's now 26.
Molly, 24. And Tilly is 18. she wasn't even born
then. Um, so, uh, so Emily would have been like
five, Molly three. Yeah. Um, so after that, I,
we, we worked hard to try and get a green card.
Couldn't, it's very hard. Um, and then she did
get a green card, um, through, through my, uh,
journalism. That was in 2016. And just when we
thought that everything was good, Dave, my husband,
started feeling unwell that summer. And so this
is like 2016. And he used to coach basketball
and soccer with my middle daughter, Molly. And
he came to me one day and he said, you know shares
that's what his nickname for me he said you know
shares he said sometimes i feel like i'm like
my legs are not working i'm running through treacle
after the kids so i was like that's not good
so we you know we were looking it up on google
and everything it said all sorts of terrible
things but um and then it kind of stopped he
was okay okay okay and then um Then we got the
green cards came through like about two months
later and then he he got sick. So, yeah. And
can I ask a couple of questions? Of course. If
I'm was it was it grand? I mean, when he got
sick, was it like he was he was in bed and he
just I mean, no, no. So he it he. was complaining
about his walking still a little bit he said
he had to think almost like really think sometimes
to walk um so uh we in the i think it was this
this october of that year we've gone to this
movie theater And that was at the time when they
had the windows where you paid in Claremont.
And we stood there and he was about to pay for
me, him and Tilly. And he was like, oh my God,
I'm going to pass out. So I caught him. And then,
of course, we rushed him to the hospital. And
while we were there, he was admitted. They thought
it was something wrong with his heart. And he
was admitted. And while he was there, his...
body was like he used to call it body popping
and it was like he his muscles were like twitching
twitching so a lot of times when you have a systemic
issue it's it's something and i don't know anything
about his history this is the first i'm hearing
of this But a lot of times the base of the brain,
anything coordination related has to do with
the base of the brain, the cerebellum. And a
lot of times it could be anything from a stroke
to a clot to a bleed out to inflammation. It
could be a number of different things, a tumor,
a growth. Any sort of bias that's going to influence
that can actually influence everything from the
base of the brain down, which is virtually everything.
It's how your heart beats. how your body responds.
Everything to do with regulating your body is
done from that center core base of the brain.
So I'm listening to you from the viewpoint of
a holistic practitioner saying, this all makes
sense, like what you're sharing. You're going
through this and I'm visualizing, you just finished
talking about Katrina, but here you are with
a hurricane of your own. right figuratively it's
yeah you're going through this hurricane and
there's this did he did he come out of hospital
yes they what did they diagnose it with did they
find out no so they didn't diagnose him with
anything but i said to the nurse i i was like
why is this why is all this and it was really
noticeable here and here and she's like i think
you should see a neurologist so i was like What
do you think it is? She said, I don't know, but
you need to see a neurologist. That was my advice.
So nothing, they could not find anything wrong
with him. So we booked an appointment with a
neurologist in Claremont. Very nice guy. And
he said, I think I know what it is. But he said,
I need to do these tests. And he did these really
awful invasive tests where they basically, Tia,
you might know more about this. I can't remember
what it was called, electro something, whereby
they put needles in all your muscles and they
record what your muscles are doing. I do know
that. I've experienced that because I had spinal
stenosis so bad I could barely walk. Really?
Gosh. It was about 10 years ago. Yeah, it's not
nice to say. In fact, the chiropractor looked
and said, how are you still walking based on
what was going on in the lower part of my spine?
Same thing. So they stuck the needles in. They
were doing these sticking voltage in and making
my leg do stuff. So there was active and passive
work they were doing. But I had lost 80 % of
my sensory. So when you talk about not being
able to walk, I get that because I was usually.
riding my bike 20, 30 miles a morning, and I
could barely... get on the bike. Wow. So I understand
what you're saying here. Yeah. So he's hooked
up and so they're monitoring his muscle movement.
Did that give you the clarity? Did that, was
that what was, I mean, did they tell you what
was causing that? They're looking for conductivity,
like how efficiently the neurons are firing.
That's it. Exactly that. So at the end, the doctor
said to us, he said, okay, I am so sorry to tell
you this, but I think he has ALS, motor neurone
disease. That's what we call it in England. And,
you know, when somebody says that, I'd looked
it up. I knew what it was for sure. I knew what
it was. And so did he. But then the doctor said,
but with a possible diagnosis of this magnitude,
and it's rare. I would like you to see two other
doctors. Specialists. So we went, we saw one
in Gainesville and he was, he said, this was
a couple of months later, actually, because we
were coming up to Christmas. So I think we saw
him. Oh no, we saw him that year, I think. Anyway,
and he was just like, so downbeat. He was just
like. I'm really, you know, I am sorry. It's
ALS. There is no cure. People with ALS normally
pass away within three to five years. And I remember
coming back from Gainesville and Dave could still
drive then. And I just, I think I just cried
like nearly the whole way home because. Oh, it's
so heavy. He'd never, he'd never been sick. It's
so difficult, especially with your spouse. Like
Robin and I always say, you know, whenever the
other one's suffering, it's like, gosh, I wish
it was me. Like, I wish I could carry that for
you. It's so difficult being the other person.
And a lot of times, like we have people in our
world right now where the spouse is sick and
they're taking care of, they're exhausted taking
care of the spouse. So I always take care of
the caretaker. So I move in to support the support
system. That's very needed. Yeah, it's so important.
So if any of you are out there and you know somebody
that's a caretaker, make sure you take care of
them. It's so important because I know where
you were. I know what you're up against. You
have these expectations because I'm married.
I have three children as well. And you've just
assumed you've just got this big, you're going
to be in your 90s in a rocking chair on the porch.
And you're told, well, actually. But I mean,
that's all your expectation. I mean, they're
just everything is off the table at that point.
And that's just a devastating, shocking news.
Well, we had plans like one of our biggest plans
was to buy a motorhome and just go around America.
I want to do that. When the kids are done. Yeah,
when the kids are done. We're going to have to
caravan because we want to do that, too. We're
going to get a caravan of these. Beautiful motorhomes,
right? Yeah, go to Yosemite National Park. Oh,
yeah. Let's get it done. So from a first -person
standpoint, you know, today's episode, we're
talking a little bit about grief and how do you
deal with grief. So from the drive home from
Gainesville, this is a whole journey of what
if, what if, what am I going to do next? I mean,
there's all of this stuff that you have to deal
with. How did you do it? Well, it never really
settled with me, honestly. I didn't, you know,
I didn't want to, I just didn't want to accept
it, I guess. So I threw myself into researching,
research, research, research. In case there's
something you're missing. Yeah, because I didn't
believe. Yeah, same. Yeah, I did not believe
that this was it. I just didn't. I believe there
has to be something. For ALS, at that time, there
was one medication that was like 25, 30, 40 years
old. I can't remember, but it was very old. One
medication and it would give them maybe six months
extra life. That was it. So he took it anyway.
So I think by being really, really proactive,
like I bought him, we had B12 compound. You know,
what's that called, Tia? B12 is, there's four
types of B12. The purest form of it. Methylcobalamin.
Yes. So we had to, I was getting that shipped
down from this compound pharmacy in New York.
Or hydroxycobalamin is one. Those are the two
most bioavailable forms. I think it was the first
one, but methyl. Did that help him? Did you see
anything tangible? No. No. And then there was
another thing came out, which was I had to learn
to put an IV in his arm. And it was it was this
drug from Japan. And after three cycles of that,
we stopped because it was making him worse. It's
crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. But I just never. ever
gave up hope I never thought she was going to
die now maybe that wasn't a good thing honestly
I don't know but I just never ever coped yeah
I don't think I would have been able to do everything
that I did without that Having the hope that
there could be some way through this. Yeah. You
know, because we're watching. It was probably
your maternal instincts as well. Yeah. Because
you've got three kiddies to take care of. Well,
yeah. And for a while we did not tell the girls.
And for a longer time we did not tell Tilly.
But then when he... when he couldn't walk and
then he had to obviously be in a wheelchair and
then he had to have a different wheelchair because
he couldn't move he couldn't move his hands to
work it he had to have one where he had to move
with his head and then he had they had he had
a speech machine because he couldn't speak i
mean this went all the way i mean yeah so sweet
in general you have two two basic categories
of neurons one of them is sensory so i could
you know it's like a feedback loop so the motor
neurons are the ones that do a muscle contraction
or a muscle relaxation. So if you have motor
neurons, those are your neurons that tell your
body to do something or to stop doing something,
right? But you need a feedback loop, and those
are called sensory neurons. So motor neurons
is going to do something, and sensory is going
to say, so if I'm touching a stove, the sensory
neurons are going to go, ooh, hot. The motor
neurons are the ones that are going to move my
arm. In a very basic sense, that's it. With ALS,
we're talking about degradation of the ability
to move. How was he mentally? He was completely
understanding you, you could communicate. Oh,
yeah. So he didn't lose the plot mentally. It
was just his whole body packing up. Not at all.
So you could still reach him. Yeah. Yeah, that
was something. And that's a salient but important,
that's an important point because it's, here's
a person that's completely aware. And it's like,
OK, I can't move my legs. What does this mean?
You know, so he was a very active guy, very active.
So for him, it was it was diabolical. I mean,
it was just it was really, really hard. So another
way another way that we kind of really got through
what was happening was we had a great support
system and we did everything. We went on bucket
list trips. We had parties. We really lived those
five years. So it was how many? How many years?
He did make five. He did. So you had five years
of really making the most of every time. Wow.
Yeah. Yeah, that's very lovely. It's sad, but
it's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. In terms of the,
during that time, was there discussions about
soulfulness or spirituality or the soul's journey
or any, was there any discussion about that or
you just stayed in the moment? No. Well, we stayed,
we definitely stayed in the moment. Couldn't
look past. The next day at all. It was literally
lived day by day because also with his condition,
sometimes it changed, you know, and I had to
get hospice. He was on palliative care and hospice
for three years. They were brilliant, by the
way. But yeah, we did talk about it. You know,
he used to joke, he'd come back and haunt us.
And he does. In fact, the other night he did.
And it was after I'd asked him to as well. Oh,
we're going to have to get to that because we're
on Soul Decodes. We would love to hear that.
That's interesting because, I mean, just from
my superficial... not superficial, that's not
the word, but singular perspective. I do believe
we carry on. I don't think this is the end of
the road. So it doesn't surprise me that you've
say, hey, check in. And he found a way that he
knew that you would recognize. Yeah, I'll tell
you because it was quite, it was one of the best
times. Or unless you want to go now, whatever
pleases you. So keep going because this is fascinating.
So you're, you can tell as much or as little
about. like whatever you want to recount but
i'm interested in your journey i want to know
a little bit about david david's journey but
also your journey did you did you have any conversations
about wrapping things up and like he said to
shaz i'm i think i'm on the way out i mean had
had you had you had those type of practical conversations
so um in the he made it to his 50th birthday
party We had a massive party for him. And then
he got COVID. We'd been so well. And this was
like a year or two after COVID really hit. And
it must have been a year, actually. And we thought
that was it then. And he bounced back. But then
in the May, he was in his hospital bed in our
bedroom till he died in the November. And he
would say to me, it's not going to be long now
and i'm like you don't how do you know that you
can't possibly know that and he said i do know
that speaking through his machine yeah you know
i do know that shez and i would just say listen
i don't want to i really don't want to hear it
because i don't believe it i don't think you
know i said you've come back from several times
that year we thought he was going to die and
he kept coming back i said no But then I think
it was like in the October, he said to me, I'm
not going to be here for much longer. And I said,
how do you know this? He said, I just know this.
And sometimes he would see like black, like shadows
in our room. And he was seeing them more and
more. i don't know because he could he could
see fine he was completely compass mentis but
he had a good he had a broad but what he was
seeing might have been in the spiritual realm
that he was heading to and you're not capable
of seeing that with your senses but he was seeing
something transitional maybe that we're not really
capable of yeah but he was seeing something it
could also have been physiological because you
know when you're in a immunocompromised state
especially on medications the your ability your
vision actually narrows like you your field of
vision can narrow and you can have the similar
perceptions but he was saying to you i don't
think it's long something he felt that he that
the end was nigh yeah he said he knew it he knew
it so so was your hope at that point that you
would be this cheerleader encouragement were
you just in flat -out denial Or hope or hope.
Okay. There's still, there's always hope. That's
what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. The
hope is the expression of hope. It's like, no,
no, no, we've got this. Right. So was she being
a cheerleader saying, no, no, no, don't go yet.
We've got this. Well, I said to him, I don't
want you to go. Even in this state, even knowing
that he hated his life, I was, I said to her,
I don't want you to go. It's a relationship with
his consciousness, right? You're engaged with
your best friend, even though your best friend
is in a different state than when you found him.
He's still your best friend and you're engaging
his consciousness. Yeah. So do you believe his
consciousness goes on after he leaves here? Oh,
yeah. So there's nothing. So even though his
body is not here, it doesn't mean you can't.
have a relationship with him in a different way.
Right. I totally agree with that. But the proximity
is just, I mean, you're going to have to go on
without him. So he passed on and I'm absolutely
certain that you're going to see him again. I
mean, I'm really certain. I mean, that's just
because I don't think God, if there is a God,
would have it any other way. He's not going to
give you someone for all that time, snap him
out of your life and you'll never see him again
because no considerate God would do that. So
I'm OK with a larger picture. But now you've
got three girls and a life without him. just
the practical side of having a husband I mean
you're there raising them together you've got
the bits that you do he's got what he does you've
had a transition where he's not practically that
much help because now he's in bed and then he
passes on to where and then you're just left
just with everything how in terms of a burden
did you ever feel this burden um Do you mean
a burden of him? No, to now the burden is that
you've got to do both jobs. You've got to be
mum, dad, provider. You've got everything that
was being shared is now just falling onto your
shoulders, isn't it? Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
It's really hard and it still is because the
dynamics of our relationship were we shared everything.
all the you know all the choice he would he would
do the outside of the house i would do the inside
and then but the most the biggest thing for me
and it still is i am one of those people i find
it very hard to make a decision i was happy and
we would talk about things and we taught them
through but very often he would be the one that
would make the life life potentially life -altering
decisions or the decisions about the girls and
or whatever it was the important things and now
it's just me and i can't bear it wow that's i
can't bear it so it's been a few years now that
just you just went over here three years was
it all right so first of all i want to thank
you for having the courage Hopefully somebody
listening to this can find inspiration from you
and your message. We haven't even gotten to some
of the messages, but I just want to personally
thank you for sharing. I think all three of us
share the idea that we would like to make the
world a better place, even if it's just in our
little way of doing a podcast or sharing stories.
So it's been a few years. About a month or two
ago, I brought up the idea of you doing this
podcast and you didn't really respond. But then
at some point you said, I think I'm at a place
where I can talk about this now. What would you
like to share? What experiences would you like
to share with the people listening to this? So
when Dave died, I got a job. I had a job before,
sorry, I was freelancing before. Just tell me,
refresh my, how old were your girls at this point?
So Emily was 23, Molly was 22 until he was 16.
Right, so she was still a teenager. Yeah, yeah.
So my job had been freelancing and I'd done that
for years and that was the only way I could possibly
have, you know, had him at home and looked after
him and looked after the girls so I completely
threw myself into my job I got I was offered
this job at the local newspaper where I work
now totally threw myself into it concentrated
on the girls because it was it was awful um particularly
the youngest two and um and then I so I didn't
deal with my grief at all But then in summer,
this summer, I was finding that I was just like
in the car. I was very angry for one. And I talked
to Dave. So I was in the car talking to him.
Like, why the fuck? Yeah. Why the fuck did this
have to happen to you? Why the fuck did you have
to leave me? And I would get really freaking
angry. And then I would get home and I would,
it would. just speak because my I'm a very um
I'm normally a very positive person you know
yeah yeah you know and I was just feeling that
it just was really affecting every part of my
life and so a very um very close friend of mine
said why don't you go and get therapy so I was
like I don't know. But you recognize that you
had this anger. Yeah. You know, you weren't just
in it. You were watching yourself be in that.
So you had a little bit of a resistance to therapy.
Like you thought that was, was it because that's
a bad thing or was that something? I think it's
English. I think you have a stiff upper lip and
you keep calm and carry on. Is that right? I
feel like that. Well, it's not just English because
I, you know, I went to marriage counseling. Prior
to my divorce, I went to marriage counseling
by myself for a year. I just don't remember.
And I felt really bad about it. In England, it'd
be a thing. I didn't want to be broken. I didn't
tell anybody I was doing that because there's
a stigma. associated with going to a therapist.
I don't know now because I've been over here
for 30 years, but I always felt there was more
of an American thing and very enlightened, actually.
I mean, why keep calm and carry on? Why not talk
to someone? Why not express yourself? Why not
get the wisdom that someone else could give you
to help you get through it? But you could do
that. You could do that without a psychologist
or psychiatrist. I think that's what girlfriends
are for. That's what good siblings would do.
Right. If you had a sibling or somebody that
cared about you or even a neighbor that gave
a shit. Right. You would just be able to go and
talk and just go, oh, man, can we just have a
cup of coffee? I think I think that there's venting,
which is very necessary. But I also think it
would be very useful. So was this a grief counselor?
Was she trained in helping you overcome this
loss? That was her background. Yeah. Or his.
I don't know. Yeah. So it was a lady. I am absolutely
not against therapy whatsoever. I went to grief
share for a little bit after he died. I didn't
like it. What was that? Grief share. What is
that? So it's like a church, a religious base.
So if somebody's been through stuff, they go
to this church. Yeah, but it was like a group
within the church. And I think it's like a national
thing. Personally, I didn't find it very helpful.
So then I was just like, you know what, I don't
want anything else. But I'm definitely not against
it. So when my friend was like, I really think
that it would help you because you've obviously
got like unresolved grief and you need to do
something because it's now, it's like really
permeating my life. my relationship with my girls,
you know, I just wasn't happy at all. I think
it was Elizabeth Kubler -Ross wrote a book called
On Death and Dying. I read it after my mum passed
away. And there are, I think it's four, I think
it's five stages of grief. And I don't remember
what they were. Denial was one, but anger was
another one. This is absolutely known to be something
that you'll experience. Yeah. Quite, I mean,
and quite, I mean, like you just get dumped with
all this, don't you? Yeah. So you found this
therapy to be quite transformative? I did. I
did. I think I got lucky in that I found a lady
who was very much on my wavelength, you know,
very open minded, very much. And I just I start
I definitely started to feel better. But of course,
with anything, it is a journey. I'll probably
be on this journey forever. Well, you still might
have good and bad days for the rest of your life.
It might always be like that. It's just how you
can filter through those. Do you find that now
that some days you can have that heavy feeling?
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, nowadays you feel a bit
easier. Yeah. Because it's still, what, only
three years? I mean, it's not that long ago.
Yeah, and I mean, there's constant reminders
for one. Everywhere I go, I feel like there's
a reminder. And then when some of them, like
a song will come on and I'm like, oh my gosh,
that was that song whenever. You know, that's...
Just triggering a past memory. Yeah. Oh, you'll
talk to somebody and they'll... bring him up
bring something up and it and it hurt it hurts
my heart I'm not gonna lie it's like um like
I honestly feel like when he died part of my
heart broke off that's the pain I felt and I
still do but having therapy and having close
friends who I do talk to it's just how you deal
with it so so now Whenever I feel like that,
yeah, I still yell in the car at him and have
a go at him. You son of a bitch. He's up there
partying and you've got to get home and cook
dinner. Exactly. My thoughts exactly. Bastard.
You like me. But now I can look at those memories
and be grateful. And I tell you, that is the,
that is the key. I am grateful for all the, you
know, we were like any other married couple.
We had ups and downs all the time, but all of
it, I can now look back and I am grateful that
I was his person for 20, I think it was 25 years.
And I am good with that. And that gratitude is
making you lighter. It's just lifting you enough
where this is now easier to cope with. And that's
another thing about gratitude. We were going
to be talking about grief, but this is fascinating.
This is back -to -back episodes about gratitude.
Grief, gratitude. They almost go together. It's
interesting. We talk about loss of a loved one.
I struggled when my mom passed. I was at the
time I was a captain for JetBlue. I was in Boston
and my sister calls me. It's like, mom, mommy
has a routine thing. She had like a stint already
and she was going to go in and she's feeling
weak. And she just she was asking if you could.
So I finished a four day trip, jumped on an empty
airplane and went on an empty seat and went to
Detroit at the end of a trip. Just thinking I
was going to help my mom, I ended up spending
the next 72 hours in an ICU with her and she
passed. So in one regard, you had five years
run time. I had the end of a trip with three
days and my mom's gone. So it's like all those
feelings compressed into, you know, in this short
period of time. But it's interesting because...
You get out the back end and you have time to
sort it out and figure out like, okay, I just
lost this really cool lady. What's it mean? How
do I deal with that? And it took me weeks, but
ultimately it was gratitude. I thought out of
all the people I could have selected for a mom.
Yeah. I chose the right one. Yeah. I lost my
mom when she was 59 and I had five weeks and
then we didn't know she was dying and then she
did. And I'm not diminishing your loss or mine,
but your mum is supposed to go first. And although
I was very young with my mum. Yeah, fair. But
the husband, I mean, you'll think you're going
to be with each other right until you're in your
80s or 90s and raising these children that you
have produced together. And that's a different
order and different magnitude, isn't it? Because
you feel that they've just been, there's no orderliness
about that. I mean, I knew my mum was going to
die first at some point, but now you're at 50
and he's just gone and you've got the rest of
your life. I mean, it's not like this happened
when you're in your 70s. I mean, you're still
young and vibrant with these young children.
Do you, so you mentioned that you talk to him,
which I love because I have these crazy conversations
with my mum and she'll come to me sometimes,
like I'm not even thinking about her. And then
I'll hear like a Neil Diamond song play. I'm
transported back to where we were in England,
in Dorking in the seventies. And now I've got
this dialogue and I don't really share, well,
I'm sharing it now on Soul Deep Coast, but it's
very personal. And I say, am I losing the plot?
But it does feel that I'm communicating with
him. her and it does give me solace and I do
think that she's around in and I don't know what
that looks like but I do feel her around and
then for weeks sometimes I don't and then I'll
hear from her but you've still got your husband
somewhere in your life although it's not where
he was at home is that is that right absolutely
absolutely yeah I um when I'm talking to him
I definitely feel that he's listening And he
can't always communicate back. But I just feel
like he is there. Well, tell us this episode
where you asked to hear from him. How did he
get your attention? You don't have to tell me.
No, I'll tell you. If it's personal. He's X -rated,
darling. This is from family audience. And this
was recently? This was on Thanksgiving. Oh, okay.
Oh, good. Wow. So I had not felt him for ages
and I'd gotten really cross. You know, I was
talking to him and I'm like, can you please just
let me know you're here? Because it's really
upsetting me. And I just need to know that you're
around and nothing. So on that Tuesday of, no,
Wednesday, actually, the day before Thanksgiving,
I was with my therapist and she's like, how are
you doing? Because she knew it was the anniversary.
it's just been the anniversary he died on november
22nd and uh i'm like i'm okay i said but honestly
i really thought i'd hear from him particularly
because it's the time of the year and i don't
feel anything and i said that's really been upsetting
me she's like listen we don't know we don't know
how it works or anything like that she said but
just let's just keep practicing our gratitude
and you know so I'm like okay I'm okay so we
went to Thanksgiving at my daughter's boyfriend's
family and that night um we heard this massive
bang outside and Dave my Saint Bernard went was
going berserk so we're like let's let's because
there's me and the two girls living in the house
so we're like let's check every room so we went
in my daughter's room Open the door. That light
was just like this, like flashing, flashing,
flashing, flashing, flashing so fast. So I turned
it off. I'm like, what on earth is going on here?
Turned it back on. Flash, flash, flash, flash,
flash again. So I'm like, what on earth? So we
go out and I joked. I said, hey, I said about
your dad telling us, you know, don't worry about
the bang. Everything's fine. I went to go to
bed. put my phone, my phone had been next to
my bedside. I went to go to bed, got in bed,
picked my phone up, and his contact page was
there. So it said, Dave, phone number. Wow. He
had, I hadn't seen that since before he died.
Why would you? Yeah. Why would you, right? Yeah,
just there, and I, oh my God. God! I called the
guard. i'm like your daddy's definitely here
because i haven't seen that since before like
probably two years before he died because of
course he didn't have a phone for that time because
he couldn't use it so holy shit and then you've
correlated it to this light flashing yeah because
i mean i'm not really big into that there's a
lot of shows about the paranormal and i'm a little
bit into it i'm definitely curious but apparently
electricity is And you might know more about
electromagnetic frequencies or something, but
electricity is how the other side can communicate.
It's a known method, apparently. Yeah, yeah.
And before, if we've been having a big argument,
which me and my girls have gone through a lot
since he died, and the lights would flash when
we were screaming at each other, and it would
stop us. And we were like... I think that or
Tilly would be, or whoever it was, would be like,
that's telling us to stop. Right. So it's reaching
you. Yeah. So that was that. And then the next
morning we got up and there was a big white feather
in the lounge. What? Was white feather, was that
significant for something? Where was it? Like
just a big white, the doors were closed? Yeah.
Yeah. It was just there in the dining room on
the floor. So I picked it up and I'm like, it
has to be... Well, how else would it get? I mean,
a white feather, that's... Yeah. I think that's
cool. Yeah. Yeah, so nothing crazy, but... Well,
he found a way of reaching you and that was confirmation
because you'd been asking for that. Yeah. So
he'd used the phone, a feather and the electricity.
I mean, he'd somehow got your attention. Did
it give you the comfort that you were hoping
for as a result of asking? It did. It did. Because
there was absolutely no way on this earth. Because
my phone had been in my room since I'd got home.
I'd left it there. you know obviously I hadn't
like picked his number up well you'd have to
go into your phone you'd have to go to messages
you'd have to put you'd have to scroll then you'd
have to I mean there's lots of steps to get yeah
to come up yeah and I picked it up and there
it was that's so and the dog comes running in
so a lot of times when we spend so many years
with somebody we we tend to almost emulate or
replicate their thought processes and their mannerisms.
To what degree or to what extent do you find
yourself thinking the way he did or using his
little speech, little characteristics and things?
Do you find on your day -to -day -to -day basis
that there's a gift that he gave you? Like you
said initially that... I'm not good at making
decisions. But then at the flip side, you're
making all the decisions. Do you find his voice
in your brain walking you through the decision
process? So I, yeah, not, not always, but. What
I try and do now is I try and think like he thought.
That's what I'm saying. What would Dave do? Because
it's almost like you're having the same conversation.
It's like, okay, I'm going to say this to Dave.
Dave's going to say this. And we're going to
go back and forth. What would Dave come to? What
would he suggest? And then you put it out there.
To me, that's still a gift. And that's, even
though he's not here in the three -dimensional
space. That to me is a very real communication.
Yeah. Yeah. I definitely go through something
and be like, well, he would have, he would have
probably said this and he would have wanted this.
So yeah. Or he wouldn't have wanted this. Or
he wouldn't have wanted this. Yeah. Yeah. And
it, it definitely helps me to make a decision.
Yeah. So when I was in my early forties, my best
friend had committed suicide. Sorry. And we had
not been in touch for a while. He got involved
with drugs and such, alcohol and all. But there
was part of me that was like, what could I have
done differently? And you went through all of
that. But I made a decision because I had a hard
time dealing with the grief. For weeks, I was
like, how could I have stopped this? And knowing
what I know now, it's like, well, I shouldn't
have stopped this. I couldn't have. I can only
do my best and be there. But if that's part of
his contract or his journey or that was his sovereign
divine decision, then it's not my place to stop
that, right? But from a first -person standpoint,
what I decided to do is whenever I lost somebody
that was close to me, I would just be reflective
and peaceful and find out, just discover, what
was it about my experience with that person that
was just amazing? And it doesn't have to be a
person. It could be a pet. It could be really
any experience. But people are special. And so
what is it that about, like for my friend's name
was PJ and then my mom, you know, what was special
about them? Like with my mom, she was a good
teacher. She was not a formal teacher in school,
but a life teacher. And she was also a great
hostess. So every time I do something, I want
to do it to the next level to honor my mom. And
just say, okay, how would my mom do this event?
How can I be a better hostess when I do this?
How can I teach this better? So I take the best
of the person I lost and I keep it alive within
me. PJ was a very freaking awesome inventor,
innovator, tangential thinker. So whenever I'm
inventing, I'm thinking, okay, I got the spirit
of PJ kind of going in my brain. How can we make
this work better or different? Or what am I missing,
right? With that as a backdrop, what are some
of the special characteristics of Dave that you
find yourself keeping alive? Like Sarah was talking
this morning, when you came into the studio before
the show, You were talking about doing donuts.
My daughter was doing donuts on my front. But
you brought that up, and I immediately thought
of PJ because PJ brought out of me, because I
was a very reserved person. My family had this
strict set of behaviors, the church, this, that,
blah, blah. Everything was strict and standardized,
and you had to comply. But PJ brought this wildness,
you know, jump off the roof of the garage and,
you know, do every sort of wildness, including
doing donuts, going freaking crazy, just taking
the snowmobile and opening it up, flooring it
full on, you know, just this crazy ass stuff.
That's why I tell people, it's like, I don't
even know how I'm still alive. Cause we would
do, if my mom and dad knew what I was doing,
I'd be like. murdered and they were just like
what so but there's this do you find that with
dave that there's certain things that he did
that brought you joy and happiness that represented
his character that you find yourself keeping
alive were you alike or were you opposites we're
actually complete opposites right total opposite
that's interesting that's even better yeah it
is because now you're missing you're missing
that that's gone so That might make it more of
a struggle because you were opposite because
you were now blending as well. Well, struggle,
but also a gift. A gift as well, yeah. But getting
over it would be harder. Getting over it, right,
because that's a loss of a piece. Yes, exactly.
Yeah, I get what you're saying. So do you find
that there were certain aspects of Dave that
you're able to keep alive in terms of his character
living within you? Yeah, I mean, he was very
adventurous. He was very much live no matter
what. If we want to do something like this big
family holiday, this whatever, let's do it. He
was very much live, I think. And I still try
to be like that, even though he's not here. I
definitely still try to be like that. But I can't
help thinking we did everything we wanted. We
were lucky. We both had really good jobs. So
financially, we could. We moved here. We did
that adventure. We had many, many adventures.
And I can't help thinking that sometimes that
maybe that's how we were supposed to live our
lives together. But I'd also try to carry that
on. That would be the acceptance part. You've
accepted that. Yeah. Maybe we were supposed to
do, cram all that life together in that short
space of time. Well, it wasn't that short, but
you know, all of it. comparatively yeah so you
can look back with gratitude instead of regret
yeah because if you were if you're just couch
potatoes surfing you know cooking channel or
something and And then this happens, you're like,
holy crap, now we've got to catch up. But you
didn't have to do that. You were actually actively
living. We lived. I can honestly say that we
really lived. I mean, I believe, and I write
about this, that we have a life plan, but I don't
believe everything is predetermined. Some things
are. Now, for me, the death of your husband could
be, could be predetermined, or it could be. But
I would go in my belief system, which is reincarnation,
that we're coming and cycling on and off this
planet over and over again. That would feel...
Okay, this and you're going to learn something.
He's not gone. You're going to see him again.
And you're almost having two lifetimes in one,
aren't you? You've had the one with him and your
kids. Now, this is another whole part of your
life without him. So you've got these two things
going on in your life. And that could have been
something that you chose prior to coming here.
And you don't know what's in store in the future.
You're just going to live your life the best
you can and be with your family. Now, you've
got three girls. you're close to them does that
bridge the loneliness gap at all because I think
it would be I know that I would be lonely with
my husband was gone yeah does that help having
a larger family yeah for sure it definitely has
and we've got animals as well and um yeah but
I think having the girls because for the first
Two years he was gone, they were my complete,
I focused on them, which is probably why I did
not go through my own grieving. But I feel like
that's how it should have been. Good for you.
Yeah, I do. I feel like that's exactly how it
should have been. And now I'm kind of, I'm more
equipped to deal with myself. Right. You know.
Do you still live in the same house you shared?
We do. And is that a comfort? Yes, it is. It
is, you know, because he died in my bedroom.
and um it's it's nice to see you know stuff that
he did to the house the familiarity yeah i think
but i don't think i want to stay in there forever
I don't. Well, if you're having a hard time making
decisions, that would actually be the biggest
one of your life, wouldn't it? It would. To get
rid of that. I wish you well on that one. You'll
have to pray for the strength and you'll have
to say to Dave, OK, I need to see this, this,
this and this. Yeah, just give me these two signs
that I have to move and it's a good decision.
I want two and a confirmation three days later.
Would you always stay in Florida? Have you thought
about it? Yes. Yes. I would. I would. When he
was alive, we thought about going to Georgia,
but I don't think I'm going to go anywhere like
that. No. No, I think this is it now for me.
Well, selfishly, I'm glad to hear that. Because
you're always a light, like even in the networking.
You've been to my house for some gatherings.
We just love to see you. And, you know, I'm always,
I was that person growing up where I was always
happy, but there was so much darkness within
me. And so I'm always when I see somebody as
happy as you and I'm always aware that there's
there might be something else going on. So I
just want to tell you that you're always safe
here. I know. And Tia is so kind to me. She always
asked me to come over like on holidays or or
whatever. So I'm grateful for your friendship.
I really am. It doesn't have to be a holiday.
You can just pound on my door. I know. Hey, can
we talk? I know. So as we look forward, you know,
this is going to air probably between the holidays.
What guidance, and Sarah, chime in, you know,
what guidance would you have for people that
have experienced loss? Or maybe they're, I know
a personal friend of mine whose husband is really
going through some difficulty right now. You
probably know who that is. But, you know, what
guidance can you give them? Would you like to
share? I think you definitely fall on your friends,
for one. If you are invited somewhere, try and
go. Because there's been many times that I've
been invited somewhere and I've just been like,
I don't know whether I should go or I go. And
ultimately, I'm glad I went. So rely on your
friends. And give yourself time also. You have
to. If you're having a bad day, let yourself
have that bad day. I know people say that all
the time, and it's hard. But I always think,
if I'm having a bad day, you know what? I'm going
to go to bed, and the sun will come up. The sun
always comes up the next day. And very often,
I feel better. I have gone through whatever feelings
I had to go through in that awful day. But now
I don't want that. That's gold. I struggled with
depression growing up. They didn't label it that,
but I know I was always dancing with darkness.
And the one decision I made thousands of times
was to just wait one more day. Just wait. It
works. And it works. It absolutely works. I love
that. Yeah. And I had to learn that. There was
a song by Daniel Powder. Bad day. I had a bad
day. It was a big hit. Oh, I know. That's an
anthem for me. Not that I have that many bad
days, but sometimes I'm aware that my day isn't
like it was yesterday. Yeah. And it's like, it's
just, it's the rhythm of life. It's not personal.
It's not anything you're doing, but you have
to accept the rough with the smooth. And it's
quite extreme in your cases because of your loss,
but everyone is going to have a bad day and it's
just a bad day. You're going to be tomorrow.
you're going to wake up and then you're going
to have that smile again. It is. It's definitely
exactly that. It is just a bad day. Yeah. The
majority of them are just a bad day. And the
sun, the light, it's there the next morning.
And it's up to you, of course, whether you decide
to have a good day. Is that kind of a choice
for you now? You can say, you know what, I'm
going to try and have a good day. You're choosing.
I'm not going to fall into the darkness of what
that is. Can you make it a choice? Sometimes
it is a choice. But I feel like I'm in a situation
now, a mindset maybe, that... I just do enjoy
my life. I love my friends. I love my job. So
it's not as much of a choice. It's already set.
You have a good life and you recognize that.
Yeah. I do definitely want people to know, though,
that nothing is forever. Just like being married
to your husband may not be forever. In my case,
it wasn't. A bad day isn't forever. And I have
to really come to terms with that as well. A
relationship might not be forever. Nothing is
forever. The impermanence, the Buddhists talk
about impermanence. It's all subject to change
at any given moment. Yeah. And that's a hard
thing to accept, I think. It is. It's scary,
isn't it? It is scary. It also could be exhilarating
because... anything could change at any moment
and there's a certain talk that puts on life
there's a certain edginess that that gives you
yeah it is quite and it could it could just be
here today gone tomorrow I loved it when you
talked about putting so much into your five years
together and you did your bucket list stuff and
then we should do that anyway yeah you just do
that anyway live life to the fullest yeah we
hear that a lot we think oh yeah but it's absolutely
don't get complacent and don't take each other
for granted and just live. And Dave sounds like
someone that was press enter, let's just do it.
Yeah, he was, he was. And even when he was like
terribly sick, we'd take, his big joy was going
to watch my daughter Tilly at the barn with her
horse. And we made that happen every time. And
it was, you know, you can imagine trying to make
all this stuff happen. It was hard, you know,
but we did it. And sometimes he'd say to me,
gosh, he'd be like, oh, I don't want to go out
today. And I'd be like, tough, we're going out.
And then he'd come home and I'd say... It was
good, wasn't it? And he'd be like, yes, I was
ready to go. You're welcome. Exactly. You're
welcome. So, Sharon, anything else you want to
share with the people before we wrap up? I think
that's probably most of my thoughts, my thinking.
Just, it's not easy. Grief is not easy. But there
are people out there to help. And it's just a
journey, I guess. It's a journey. You're going
to have good days, you're going to have really
bad days. I think the journey might be, and I
don't know because I'm just speculating, but
it might be easier to recognise when we get back
to where we came from because you'll look at
the whole bigger picture in reverse. Yes. But
when you're in it, it's just inexplicable sometimes
and you just have to accept that. I don't know.
And it's just this big mystery. I'm absolutely
certain that you'll see him again. Yeah. Absolutely
certain. I'd lay my life on it. So, and time,
we don't know what time is. I mean, when you
see him again, it might feel like it did five
minutes ago. So I have faith in that. That's
so true. Well, just after one last thing, I think
just after he died. So he died in the November
and in the January, I had this very vivid dream
and he was in this wheelchair. We were friends.
He was in this wheelchair and he got up and he
walked towards me. And he came over to me and
he said, look, he said, I can walk again. I'm
fine. And he gave me this hug and I woke up and
I was just, it was so vivid. I've never forgotten.
I can still see it now. So going back to what
you said, Sarah. I do think he's up there and
he's walking around and he's just waiting. He's
doing absolutely fine. What if that's reality
and this is the dream? Yeah. Well, I have thought
about that, Tia. What if I don't exist? I'm just
like this. make -believe puppet that's that's
our real that's your home and everything and
this is just something we come in and out of
yeah for whatever reason we might not understand
it and he's doing just fine your goal and you're
all in eternity specific in the bigger picture
you're all going to be reunited and it won't
feel then like it does now so um some of our
past episodes i've talked about lucidity and
i really would like to have you dive into that
a little bit in the future i'll teach you a little
bit about it some tech It's lucid dreaming where
you can summon the dream. You're actually in
the dream. You're midway between this reality
and the alternative realities, or that reality
and this fake reality, whatever this is. But
you're able to still be semi -conscious and semi
-control your involvement in your dream. In your
dream. You can direct it. You kind of direct
it. Now, it's taken me years to do, but I do
it almost every night now. Really? It's really
fun. Oh, I've been very interested. And I learn,
like, Sarah gets downloads from her dreams. I
actually... I had a dream about you this morning.
Do you want me to tell you real quick? It's very
brief. Go ahead. So it was just a scene. And
my family was there and you'd climbed up quite
high and then you had to climb back down again.
And I can't remember, it was like boxes or it
might have been a barn. It might have been bales
of hay, but you were climbed up. It's about 12
feet. I was waiting for you to come back down.
And then you just did this backflip, two circles
and landed next to me. Stuck the landing. Holy
shit. I just stuck the landing. And then I went
on to the next sequence in my dream. You were
like... I just wanted to show off. That was this
morning. I was really hoping you'd say I was
in a helicopter. No, you were just like an acrobat.
That sounds like me, totally. So it's going to
be such a celebration. But I like the idea of
us convening or coming to agreement that, hey,
tonight let's meet in our dreams. Wouldn't that
be kind of cool? Wow, that would be. I say this
because sometimes Robert and I, we have... dreams
that are so complimentary it's like wait wait
what you did what where and i said well i was
here doing this and like so was i like it was
freaking weird My friend Charlene, she's from
South Africa. I've apparently visited her in
her bedroom over the years, maybe like five or
six times. And she said, Sarah, you were sitting
here, you were on the bed and we were talking.
I have no recollection of that. But she said
that your soul has come to like, wow. So I think
we need to be open. We need to be open to those
conversations, you know, so. But Sharon, again,
I want to thank you for Sharon Keeble for being
our guest in Treehouse Studio. I admire you for
what you're going through. Your friendship's
a gift to a lot of people, including me. Sarah,
any closing thoughts about our visit with Sharon?
I've got a little funny story after my mum died,
talking about other side communication. And I
wrote about this in my first book, because it's
the best God could do. So my mum had been dead,
and I was having conversations with God at that
point, and I was being really demanding. And
I say, you need to give me a sign that my mum
is okay, because I was really worried about her
soul. And this was a whole big... journey that
I went on and I was quite demanding that's putting
it mildly and I had taken my daughter to the
doctors this is about six weeks after she died
and I was coming back on 474 which is a country
road down near me it goes on for about 13 miles
and it's just through I know it's through through
the swamp basically to the 33 right yeah 33 to
27 sorry yes and so I'm down there and um I'm
coming back from the doctors and then I see this
dog wandering in front of me. It's this big old
tick hound. And then I pulled over. And then
a police car came up behind me. And I thought,
well, that's good. At least he can take care
of this dog. And he said to me, he said, this
dog's got to go to animal control. And I already
had, at that point, I had four dogs. And he said,
would you be willing to keep it tonight and then
call animal control in the morning? And then
I'm kind of like, well, isn't that your job?
You're a police officer. But my daughter, who's
three, she's like, yeah, mummy, yeah, mummy.
So we get the dog back and he was probably weighed
about 100 pounds. He was old. He had this big
cancerous growth hanging from his throat and
all the rest of it. So I get these blankets and
I put him in the garage. I put a bucket of water
and a big thing of food and then he's lying there.
And then I went to bed and then I woke up about
midnight and I just hear in my spirit, go and
look at that dog. And so he's lying down. And
he'd been branded because he was a hunting dog.
So someone had branded initials and they had
branded LD. Right. It was black. So it was kind
of. Actually, it was white. And then you could
see the LD in black. And they're my mum's initials,
Linda Durham. And so that was the sign. That's
incredible. It was mind -blowing. I've been keeping
this dog for a year and a half. Of course you
did. And he had my mum's eyes. I'd look at his
eyes and they were exactly the same as mine.
These brown, hazel eyes. Oh, I love that. And
he was such a pig, this dog. He would piss and
shit everywhere next to me. His food bowl. But
I loved him so much. And that was the comfort
that I got after my mum died for that year and
a half. And I called him Swiper because my daughter
was into Dora the Explorer. Swiper, not swiping.
Swiper, not swiping. And so that was my encounter
with demanding something from, give me a sign.
And he's like, well, here you go, Sarah. Careful
what you ask for. I'm giving you a damn sign.
Okay. I want to thank everybody for listening.
Month over month, we're growing. We'd like to
have our numbers much bigger, but we're just
grateful for those of you sharing our show with
others. If this brought you benefit and you feel
like it can benefit somebody, please share. I
do want to give a heads up for those of you loyal
listeners that the character of Soul Decode is
moving forward. We're going to change up a couple
things with the new year. Sarah's really getting
deep into some of her creative work. I'm getting
deep into my creative work. So we still want
to keep Soul Decodes going. We just haven't navigated
what the next, what version 3 .0 is going to
look like. But we've left it up to the universe
for inspiration. So we don't know if we're going
to go less frequently or if we're going to bring
in some other hosts or hostesses. But the one
thing we can guarantee is that the messages will,
it'll be about the message. of soul decodes we
we know where the essence of this show will always
be about your soul's journey and what's it mean
and what what does it not mean right so any thoughts
on that sarah um i've left it up to the universe
and i have absolute faith that the way forward
is going to be magnificent and i try and live
like that and it's exciting it's a new revamp
and that's always good and i am interviewing
not interviewing having a meaningful discussion
with somebody, all three of us know, and she
seems very amenable to the idea of being a fill
in host. So even if it's just for a couple months,
we're going to have, we're going to always keep
the show going. So anyway, thanks for joining
us and please share and have a great holiday
season. We love you all. Thank you. Soul Decodes,
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