WEBVTT 00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:03.060 The following Earth Angel Media presentation 00:00:03.060 --> 00:00:06.360 is brought to you commercial free as a gratuity 00:00:06.360 --> 00:00:08.919 from the sponsor producer named after the show. 00:00:09.080 --> 00:00:12.099 Please consider their message. Find other high 00:00:12.099 --> 00:00:15.480 value shows listed at www.EarthAngelProject.com. 00:00:15.599 --> 00:00:38.920 Enjoy the show. Welcome to Soul Decodes. Join 00:00:38.920 --> 00:00:42.039 us as we wander off the path to find the ideas 00:00:42.039 --> 00:00:46.039 that fascinate. We talk about spirituality, the 00:00:46.039 --> 00:00:50.420 mind, the ego, wellness, and hidden history with 00:00:50.420 --> 00:00:54.299 tips, travels, and tales. Charms for a better 00:00:54.299 --> 00:01:02.439 life. Hi there, everybody. My name is Dr. Tia 00:01:02.439 --> 00:01:04.340 Jolie Phillips, and you're listening to Soul 00:01:04.340 --> 00:01:07.260 Decodes. I'm looking at an empty chair today. 00:01:07.319 --> 00:01:11.480 My beautiful co -hostess had some issues and 00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:13.420 I'm going to be making a solo of it today, but 00:01:13.420 --> 00:01:15.959 it's going to be a great show no less. But I 00:01:15.959 --> 00:01:19.900 first want to call out to Sarah. She had a major, 00:01:19.939 --> 00:01:24.579 major past 24 hours. She's going to be fine, 00:01:24.680 --> 00:01:27.159 but she ate at a restaurant yesterday and the 00:01:27.159 --> 00:01:30.620 restaurant, whatever she ate, didn't agree with 00:01:30.620 --> 00:01:33.480 her and it keeps not agreeing with her and she's 00:01:33.480 --> 00:01:36.870 been down and out. Really in a bad spot for pretty 00:01:36.870 --> 00:01:41.239 much almost 24 hours now. Hugs and kisses to 00:01:41.239 --> 00:01:43.799 my girlfriend and my co -hostess, Sarah. We want 00:01:43.799 --> 00:01:45.780 you to be better. And you'll hear from her next 00:01:45.780 --> 00:01:48.819 week. You know, it kind of gives me inspiration. 00:01:49.159 --> 00:01:52.060 I'm going to be talking with you really the same 00:01:52.060 --> 00:01:54.939 as we always do. But Sarah's here in spirit. 00:01:55.239 --> 00:01:57.459 I'm going to be talking off the cuff on just 00:01:57.459 --> 00:01:59.739 a few things. And it might not be as long as 00:01:59.739 --> 00:02:02.120 the usual shows, but I think I'm going to try 00:02:02.120 --> 00:02:05.019 to make it the best I can to give you some value 00:02:05.019 --> 00:02:08.479 because you're tuning in. And we just love having 00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:11.139 you listen to us. wanted to make sure. In fact, 00:02:11.159 --> 00:02:14.879 about early afternoon, Sarah texted me and she 00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:16.460 says, I think I'm going to make it. And then 00:02:16.460 --> 00:02:19.159 about a minute later, she says, I'm not going 00:02:19.159 --> 00:02:21.780 to make it. I just threw up again. So there's 00:02:21.780 --> 00:02:24.879 that. I just want to let you know that Sarah, 00:02:24.979 --> 00:02:28.680 in her heart, she's here. She said, The show 00:02:28.680 --> 00:02:30.560 must go on. So I said, well, I'm going to go 00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:33.680 solo then because we do really want to put something 00:02:33.680 --> 00:02:36.460 out there every week for y 'all because you are 00:02:36.460 --> 00:02:40.159 special to us and Sarah sends her love. So there's 00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:42.300 that. So, you know, as I thought about the situation 00:02:42.300 --> 00:02:45.180 today, I want to just share with you my day today 00:02:45.180 --> 00:02:50.979 because I had eight things on my schedule. When 00:02:50.979 --> 00:02:52.979 I woke up this morning, there was eight things 00:02:52.979 --> 00:02:58.210 and only one of them happened. on schedule. I 00:02:58.210 --> 00:03:02.469 had a 30 -minute Zoom call, and that was the 00:03:02.469 --> 00:03:04.590 only thing out of eight things that went on schedule. 00:03:05.469 --> 00:03:08.210 Everything else either changed or it changed 00:03:08.210 --> 00:03:11.189 character or it didn't happen at all, got rescheduled. 00:03:12.030 --> 00:03:16.169 It was absolutely chaos today. That's not to 00:03:16.169 --> 00:03:18.710 say it's bad, because one of the things I wanted 00:03:18.710 --> 00:03:20.870 to share, and probably this could be a central 00:03:20.870 --> 00:03:26.129 part of my monologue today, is that sometimes 00:03:26.129 --> 00:03:28.689 things don't go the way you want them to. And 00:03:28.689 --> 00:03:30.189 we have to have that conversation, you know, 00:03:30.229 --> 00:03:32.770 what does that mean? And so we're going to go 00:03:32.770 --> 00:03:35.830 into that a little bit. But for now, the two 00:03:35.830 --> 00:03:38.030 things that come to my mind would be, number 00:03:38.030 --> 00:03:44.150 one is, what does it mean to go solo? Hey, Jim. 00:03:45.449 --> 00:03:50.169 Jim, you're on the air because I'm recording 00:03:50.169 --> 00:03:52.150 in the studio and I forgot to mute my phone, 00:03:52.229 --> 00:03:56.530 but I'm solo, so it doesn't even matter. So I'm 00:03:56.530 --> 00:04:01.150 just going to... I'm just going to... And here's 00:04:01.150 --> 00:04:10.349 Jim with the traffic report. So here's my friend 00:04:10.349 --> 00:04:13.090 Jim. Jim, you're on the air with Soul Decodes. 00:04:13.129 --> 00:04:16.829 What do you have to say to our people? Well, 00:04:16.829 --> 00:04:23.730 thanks for not making it a solo show. I appreciate 00:04:23.730 --> 00:04:27.660 you. I know. We're back on the air, Soul Decodes. 00:04:28.360 --> 00:04:30.800 But that would be a really, maybe I'll keep this 00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:33.079 thing in here, man. I need to get your permission 00:04:33.079 --> 00:04:37.040 to do that. No, that's all right. Hey, thanks 00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:39.420 for the call, Jim. All right, take care, bye. 00:04:40.779 --> 00:04:43.860 Okay, y 'all, there was my friend Jim. And now 00:04:43.860 --> 00:04:46.500 you know what my ringtone sounds like. So anyway, 00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:49.300 so we're back. Let's get back on topic here. 00:04:49.699 --> 00:04:52.600 What does it mean to go solo? What does it mean 00:04:52.600 --> 00:04:55.959 in our lives when our life gets disrupted? Now, 00:04:55.980 --> 00:04:59.720 clearly, this is minor stuff. Your co -host gets 00:04:59.720 --> 00:05:03.120 sick. Things don't go as planned. But I think 00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:05.740 there's a bigger discussion we can have here 00:05:05.740 --> 00:05:08.639 today. And that's related to things that happen 00:05:08.639 --> 00:05:11.600 in life, right? We all have these ideas of how 00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:14.480 we want our life to go. We have these ideas of 00:05:14.480 --> 00:05:18.759 pretty much... what our dreams and goals are. 00:05:19.100 --> 00:05:21.199 But then over the years, you know, sometimes 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:24.819 things change and sometimes they don't go the 00:05:24.819 --> 00:05:27.240 way we should. And there's both on the macro 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:30.639 and the micro. So on the macro, you know, those 00:05:30.639 --> 00:05:34.800 are things like, gosh, I really wanted to join 00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:39.899 the military, but my feet were flat or my eyes 00:05:39.899 --> 00:05:41.939 were crossed or something. You know, you have 00:05:41.939 --> 00:05:43.779 these ideas and there's some things are just 00:05:43.779 --> 00:05:46.939 out of your control. Other things are. in your 00:05:46.939 --> 00:05:50.100 control. And I think that that's primarily what 00:05:50.100 --> 00:05:52.500 I wanted to express is, you know, what things 00:05:52.500 --> 00:05:54.199 are within your control, what things are not 00:05:54.199 --> 00:05:57.759 in your control. The other thing is sometimes 00:05:57.759 --> 00:05:59.959 even those things that are not in your control, 00:06:00.079 --> 00:06:03.139 you can sometimes interpret those as being negative, 00:06:03.199 --> 00:06:05.379 like, oh my God, the world's working against 00:06:05.379 --> 00:06:09.019 me or whatever. But at the same time, I can assure 00:06:09.019 --> 00:06:13.319 you after my... more than six decades through 00:06:13.319 --> 00:06:17.680 this earth space this time around, I can tell 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:20.620 you that when I look back at my life, most of 00:06:20.620 --> 00:06:25.759 the times when things didn't go my way, there 00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:29.339 was almost always the best thing that could have 00:06:29.339 --> 00:06:32.959 happened. So sometimes the things we think are... 00:06:34.780 --> 00:06:38.000 what we want or what we need. And we're so disappointed 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:42.540 when things like that don't happen. Almost immediately, 00:06:42.560 --> 00:06:45.000 if you keep your chin up and you keep your eyes 00:06:45.000 --> 00:06:47.180 open, almost always you're going to see something 00:06:47.180 --> 00:06:49.720 coming your way. I'm going to go ahead and just 00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:54.839 tell you a quick story. And this is, again, I'm 00:06:54.839 --> 00:06:58.879 shooting from the hip, y 'all. So when I went 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:02.459 to... I'm from the Detroit area. If you've been 00:07:02.459 --> 00:07:04.139 listening for a while, you probably knew that. 00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:07.720 But when I was a kid, my family, we did okay. 00:07:07.779 --> 00:07:10.839 We didn't have too much money, but they did okay. 00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:13.459 I honestly don't know how my mom and dad made 00:07:13.459 --> 00:07:16.899 it through, but they did it, five kids. And later 00:07:16.899 --> 00:07:19.800 on, I found out there was a sixth sibling or 00:07:19.800 --> 00:07:24.240 a fifth sibling, a sixth kid. But I was growing 00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:27.079 up and my whole... I knew just a couple things 00:07:27.079 --> 00:07:29.300 from when I was really young. Number one was 00:07:29.300 --> 00:07:30.839 that I was very different than all the other 00:07:30.839 --> 00:07:33.339 kids in the way I looked at things, the way I 00:07:33.339 --> 00:07:37.040 thought, just who I am. The second thing was 00:07:37.040 --> 00:07:41.199 that I knew I needed to fly airplanes, but I 00:07:41.199 --> 00:07:44.600 was also realistic enough to know that if I'm 00:07:44.600 --> 00:07:46.439 going to fly airplanes, I'm going to have to 00:07:46.439 --> 00:07:48.540 do it myself or figure out a way to pay for it 00:07:48.540 --> 00:07:52.199 because it was very expensive and my family didn't 00:07:52.199 --> 00:07:56.389 have that money. Right off the bat, in 1975, 00:07:57.629 --> 00:08:03.610 I turned 12 years old and I was able to have 00:08:03.610 --> 00:08:06.430 my own paper route. So I got my own paper route. 00:08:06.470 --> 00:08:09.930 And the very first money that I got in, I bought 00:08:09.930 --> 00:08:13.709 a magazine called Flying Magazine. It was just 00:08:13.709 --> 00:08:16.250 a little, it was my first ever magazine with 00:08:16.250 --> 00:08:18.529 my own subscription. It came to me at my house. 00:08:18.610 --> 00:08:22.089 It was super exciting. And I just started diving 00:08:22.089 --> 00:08:24.050 in. I knew all these different airplanes. And 00:08:24.050 --> 00:08:27.189 I used to make airplane models and Air Force 00:08:27.189 --> 00:08:30.470 models. And flying was my thing is what I'm getting 00:08:30.470 --> 00:08:34.909 at. Well, come along to middle school, I was 00:08:34.909 --> 00:08:37.649 playing. I was a trumpeter in a jazz band in 00:08:37.649 --> 00:08:40.490 my middle school jazz band. And the bass player 00:08:40.490 --> 00:08:42.870 was right behind me and playing the upright bass. 00:08:43.289 --> 00:08:47.769 And we got to talk in between sets before or 00:08:47.769 --> 00:08:52.019 after practice. He had said that his brother 00:08:52.019 --> 00:08:55.919 went to the Naval Academy. And I asked him, I 00:08:55.919 --> 00:08:58.340 said, what's a Naval Academy? He says, you know, 00:08:58.379 --> 00:09:01.120 like the people that are going to the Navy and 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:06.100 they're going to be officers in the Navy. And 00:09:06.100 --> 00:09:08.000 then, you know, maybe drive boats around and 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:09.500 stuff. I'm like, wait a minute, does the Air 00:09:09.500 --> 00:09:11.620 Force have one of those? Because you remember, 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:13.980 this is before the internet, before cell phones. 00:09:14.179 --> 00:09:18.250 I mean, basically we had... Just junk on TV. 00:09:18.370 --> 00:09:19.789 Like, we didn't know anything about anything. 00:09:20.490 --> 00:09:23.029 So he says, yeah, you know, there's an Air Force 00:09:23.029 --> 00:09:26.330 Academy. And I said, well, how do I find out 00:09:26.330 --> 00:09:27.909 about it? He says, well, just go to the school 00:09:27.909 --> 00:09:30.529 counselor. They should have a catalog. So I go 00:09:30.529 --> 00:09:32.870 to the school counselor. There's no catalog there. 00:09:33.789 --> 00:09:35.990 And so I told the counselor, it's like, how do 00:09:35.990 --> 00:09:38.549 I find out about this Air Force Academy? And 00:09:38.549 --> 00:09:42.210 long and short of it, I had to find a catalog. 00:09:43.710 --> 00:09:46.309 Every step of the way was work. Every step of 00:09:46.309 --> 00:09:50.490 the way, there was an obstacle or something that 00:09:50.490 --> 00:09:53.909 had to be accomplished. So I had to wait like 00:09:53.909 --> 00:09:56.029 three weeks. They finally got a catalog from 00:09:56.029 --> 00:09:58.750 the Air Force. And I read through. They had multiple 00:09:58.750 --> 00:10:01.690 catalogs. And I got one of them. And I read through 00:10:01.690 --> 00:10:04.070 it cover to cover. I knew exactly what I wanted 00:10:04.070 --> 00:10:07.350 to do. And basically from seventh grade forward, 00:10:07.570 --> 00:10:09.250 I knew I was going to go into the Air Force. 00:10:09.950 --> 00:10:12.110 I knew I was going to fly airplanes. I just didn't 00:10:12.110 --> 00:10:15.809 know how I was going to do it. So this is called 00:10:15.809 --> 00:10:18.789 going solo because nobody was helping me. It 00:10:18.789 --> 00:10:20.590 was all up to me if I was going to go and do 00:10:20.590 --> 00:10:23.370 this. Well, along the way, you know, there's 00:10:23.370 --> 00:10:26.429 a lot of people who said to me, you know, basically 00:10:26.429 --> 00:10:30.289 good luck with that because only one out of 20 00:10:30.289 --> 00:10:32.649 ,000 people in the Air Force fly airplanes or 00:10:32.649 --> 00:10:34.429 what, you know, there's always, they're throwing 00:10:34.429 --> 00:10:36.809 these numbers at me like only, oh, I'm sorry. 00:10:37.309 --> 00:10:39.730 one out of 400 people in the Air Force fly airplanes, 00:10:39.889 --> 00:10:43.230 and only one out of 20 ,000 go to the Air Force 00:10:43.230 --> 00:10:46.149 Academy and all this stuff. And the people who 00:10:46.149 --> 00:10:47.970 were saying those things, it wasn't that they 00:10:47.970 --> 00:10:49.529 were bad people. They were actually being very 00:10:49.529 --> 00:10:53.669 truthful. But it would have been very easy to 00:10:53.669 --> 00:10:56.409 get discouraged because those odds, those numbers 00:10:56.409 --> 00:11:00.450 are very, very, you know, for a young kid, it's 00:11:00.450 --> 00:11:02.169 like, oh, I might as well not even try, right? 00:11:02.289 --> 00:11:07.819 But thankfully, that's not the way I was. So 00:11:07.819 --> 00:11:11.059 long and short of it is that I ended up going 00:11:11.059 --> 00:11:13.100 to the Air Force. I remember the day I got my 00:11:13.100 --> 00:11:15.120 appointment to the Air Force Academy. I literally, 00:11:15.340 --> 00:11:20.100 I just, I can't even, I can't even describe the 00:11:20.100 --> 00:11:23.460 joy I had because there was only two people out 00:11:23.460 --> 00:11:26.620 of 400, I think, in the state of Michigan that 00:11:26.620 --> 00:11:31.340 received appointments. This is back in 1980, 00:11:31.799 --> 00:11:36.220 but from the senator. So without going all through 00:11:36.220 --> 00:11:40.000 the process, I'm just sharing with you that the 00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:45.480 process was very, very difficult. And the whole 00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:49.600 thing is, you know, the world sometimes, if you 00:11:49.600 --> 00:11:52.539 have a goal or a dream for yourself, the world 00:11:52.539 --> 00:11:56.559 sometimes will challenge you. Maybe there's resources 00:11:56.559 --> 00:11:58.440 that are blocking you. Maybe there's resources 00:11:58.440 --> 00:12:01.000 that are not going to be there for you. Now, 00:12:01.080 --> 00:12:03.399 stick with me because there's a punchline. There's 00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:06.600 a punchline here. I did get the appointment, 00:12:06.799 --> 00:12:11.299 okay? But my personal goal for myself, because 00:12:11.299 --> 00:12:14.159 this is early in the, I hadn't graduated yet. 00:12:14.220 --> 00:12:17.100 I wanted to graduate top in my class. It turns 00:12:17.100 --> 00:12:20.200 out I did not need to graduate top in my class 00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:23.679 because I got the appointment. But it still remained 00:12:23.679 --> 00:12:26.480 a goal that I wanted to be top in my class. Well, 00:12:26.580 --> 00:12:30.639 to do that, I needed to get an A in physics. 00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:36.279 And the physics teacher, was also the coach, 00:12:36.519 --> 00:12:40.279 the baseball coach. It was different coaches 00:12:40.279 --> 00:12:43.759 for different things in the school. And for some 00:12:43.759 --> 00:12:46.659 reason, this guy didn't like me. And I took it 00:12:46.659 --> 00:12:49.960 really personally because I actually, I was the 00:12:49.960 --> 00:12:52.120 best physics student like in the high school. 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:54.299 And I'm not bragging. I'm just saying I was good 00:12:54.299 --> 00:12:57.299 at physics. I even, I'm not proud to say this 00:12:57.299 --> 00:12:59.039 now, but I'm just going to tell you honestly. 00:12:59.710 --> 00:13:03.889 I even helped the physics teacher's son cheat 00:13:03.889 --> 00:13:06.929 on the tests. I mean, I literally helped his 00:13:06.929 --> 00:13:12.169 son cheat. So his son would pass his own tests. 00:13:12.570 --> 00:13:15.149 So, I mean, I'm not proud about that, but I'm 00:13:15.149 --> 00:13:18.409 just telling you that I did everything and anything 00:13:18.409 --> 00:13:23.490 I could do to get all A's. And this guy. gave 00:13:23.490 --> 00:13:27.629 zero A's. He gave me an A minus. Now, that might 00:13:27.629 --> 00:13:29.970 sound like a big deal, like, oh, what the heck, 00:13:30.009 --> 00:13:32.129 it's still an A. But when you're going for the 00:13:32.129 --> 00:13:34.990 top of the top of the top, and you end up getting 00:13:34.990 --> 00:13:40.669 an A minus, and the valedictorian ends up being 00:13:40.669 --> 00:13:44.850 that person that gets the number one position, 00:13:45.070 --> 00:13:48.029 that's a really, really difficult thing to take. 00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:51.860 I didn't know what to think of it. I was like, 00:13:51.940 --> 00:13:54.299 dang, what could I have done better? I took it 00:13:54.299 --> 00:13:56.980 really personally. But then, you know, I went 00:13:56.980 --> 00:13:59.179 and I flew airplanes and I went to the Air Force 00:13:59.179 --> 00:14:02.899 Academy. And it was kind of a distance, a distant 00:14:02.899 --> 00:14:07.220 thing in the past. So years go by, years go by. 00:14:08.279 --> 00:14:13.200 And I ended up getting married, having kids, 00:14:13.419 --> 00:14:16.480 getting a divorce, you know, getting remarried. 00:14:17.950 --> 00:14:20.289 literally, you know, like 20 years later, it 00:14:20.289 --> 00:14:22.669 seems, I forget the numbers, but basically 20 00:14:22.669 --> 00:14:26.029 years later, I was shopping in a place called 00:14:26.029 --> 00:14:28.529 Livonia Mall. For those of you in Southeast Michigan, 00:14:28.690 --> 00:14:31.210 you know Livonia and Livonia Mall was the place 00:14:31.210 --> 00:14:36.350 to be. And I was just shopping with my new spouse 00:14:36.350 --> 00:14:39.649 and we went in to look for some blue jeans. And 00:14:39.649 --> 00:14:44.470 I looked at this kid and I said, man, he looks 00:14:44.470 --> 00:14:48.049 familiar. Well, this was the coach's other son, 00:14:48.269 --> 00:14:52.409 he was the older brother. And I said, oh, you're 00:14:52.409 --> 00:14:55.149 Tommy. Hey, good to see you. And we got caught 00:14:55.149 --> 00:14:57.649 up. And it turned out that he was the travel 00:14:57.649 --> 00:15:00.950 coach, the assistant travel coach. And I was 00:15:00.950 --> 00:15:04.450 on the travel team. So we knew each other. And 00:15:04.450 --> 00:15:06.710 we got caught up and stuff. And he asked me about 00:15:06.710 --> 00:15:08.909 me. And I told him, yeah, I was an Air Force 00:15:08.909 --> 00:15:11.370 pilot. And I went to the Air Force Academy. And 00:15:11.370 --> 00:15:15.960 Tommy says to me, well, you know, I was supposed 00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:19.639 to go to the Air Force Academy. I said, you were? 00:15:19.879 --> 00:15:23.139 What do you mean? Why didn't you go? And he says, 00:15:23.259 --> 00:15:27.559 I didn't pass my medical. And right then it dawned 00:15:27.559 --> 00:15:32.080 upon me, all of those years that I took it personally, 00:15:32.279 --> 00:15:35.850 that this physics teacher... didn't give me an 00:15:35.850 --> 00:15:38.309 A when I deserved it. I actually stayed home 00:15:38.309 --> 00:15:40.870 from a trip to Toronto while my entire family 00:15:40.870 --> 00:15:43.250 went there so I could do an extra credit project 00:15:43.250 --> 00:15:47.549 just to get that A, and I didn't get it. So there's 00:15:47.549 --> 00:15:51.169 a message here. I took that so personally, but 00:15:51.169 --> 00:15:53.409 there was absolutely nothing I could do about 00:15:53.409 --> 00:15:57.149 it. The cards were stacked against me. There 00:15:57.149 --> 00:15:59.570 was nothing I could do about it, and I ended 00:15:59.570 --> 00:16:02.860 up... still going to the academy, still flying 00:16:02.860 --> 00:16:05.679 airplanes, still having a great career. But it 00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:09.600 dawned upon me that for all of those years, I 00:16:09.600 --> 00:16:11.519 was thinking there was something wrong with me, 00:16:11.620 --> 00:16:15.820 that this guy had an ax to grind with me. And 00:16:15.820 --> 00:16:18.379 what I'm sharing with you is that it really had 00:16:18.379 --> 00:16:22.580 nothing to do with me. He was angry. I represented 00:16:22.580 --> 00:16:26.850 something that his son should have had. His son 00:16:26.850 --> 00:16:29.269 should have been an Air Force officer. He should 00:16:29.269 --> 00:16:30.809 have flown airplanes. He should have gone to 00:16:30.809 --> 00:16:35.090 the academy. And he had this physics teacher 00:16:35.090 --> 00:16:38.409 had an ax to grind, and I was the target. So 00:16:38.409 --> 00:16:41.470 I share that with you because as you go out into 00:16:41.470 --> 00:16:44.830 the world, there's going to be, you have to give 00:16:44.830 --> 00:16:48.049 people space. Like, I'm not going to give this 00:16:48.049 --> 00:16:51.429 guy a bye for being a dirtbag to me. I mean, 00:16:51.450 --> 00:16:55.480 it's not okay. It was displaced. misplaced aggression 00:16:55.480 --> 00:16:58.700 towards me. But I'm just here to tell you that 00:16:58.700 --> 00:17:04.640 when you go solo, when you're in West Texas and 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:08.140 you're in a two -engine supersonic airplane and 00:17:08.140 --> 00:17:13.160 you're out there flying solo, it's okay. It's 00:17:13.160 --> 00:17:17.859 okay. Those things... pass by and you don't think 00:17:17.859 --> 00:17:21.299 about what did or did not happen in high school. 00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:25.059 It really doesn't matter. You stay in the moment 00:17:25.059 --> 00:17:28.460 and you enjoy what's going on. So a few hours 00:17:28.460 --> 00:17:29.799 ago, I was thinking, man, what am I going to 00:17:29.799 --> 00:17:32.440 say? What am I going to talk about when I'm going 00:17:32.440 --> 00:17:36.339 solo? I'm here to tell you that it's okay to 00:17:36.339 --> 00:17:40.660 go solo. It's okay. In fact, there's a lot of 00:17:40.660 --> 00:17:44.539 really cool marriages and really any relationship. 00:17:45.390 --> 00:17:49.890 that I've run into. And what happens is the couple, 00:17:50.009 --> 00:17:52.990 they're happily married. And it doesn't matter 00:17:52.990 --> 00:17:56.410 if it's, you know, husband, wife, guy, guy, girl, 00:17:56.509 --> 00:17:58.410 girl. It doesn't even matter if they're married. 00:17:58.490 --> 00:18:02.789 They can just be a partnership. But the best 00:18:02.789 --> 00:18:08.970 couples I've run into in my years are the ones 00:18:08.970 --> 00:18:12.529 that are together because they want to be together. 00:18:12.769 --> 00:18:16.329 They're okay being alone. They're fine being 00:18:16.329 --> 00:18:21.349 alone. In some cases, even in my marriage, you 00:18:21.349 --> 00:18:25.009 just need some quiet time. You need to learn 00:18:25.009 --> 00:18:28.009 to be alone and have that special spot with your 00:18:28.009 --> 00:18:30.529 own thoughts, your own feelings. So I guess what 00:18:30.529 --> 00:18:33.869 I'm saying is that sometimes it's okay to go 00:18:33.869 --> 00:18:37.250 solo. I'm going to further go on and say, if 00:18:37.250 --> 00:18:41.089 you really, really, really want to learn about 00:18:41.089 --> 00:18:45.730 yourself, you must go solo. You must. When I 00:18:45.730 --> 00:18:49.490 first soloed in the T -38, which is, take a look 00:18:49.490 --> 00:18:51.410 at it. I might even put a picture of it on, you 00:18:51.410 --> 00:18:52.970 know what, I'm just going to put a picture of 00:18:52.970 --> 00:18:55.349 it up on this podcast. I didn't know what I was 00:18:55.349 --> 00:18:57.750 going to talk about. So I'm going to put a picture 00:18:57.750 --> 00:19:02.029 of the T -38. This, when you're going solo in 00:19:02.029 --> 00:19:06.589 an Air Force airplane for the first time, it's 00:19:06.589 --> 00:19:10.569 scary. I'm not going to lie. I mean, anything 00:19:10.569 --> 00:19:14.180 can happen. And we're taught really well all 00:19:14.180 --> 00:19:16.319 the emergency procedures, all the operations 00:19:16.319 --> 00:19:19.400 limits, how the airplane performs, where are 00:19:19.400 --> 00:19:21.240 the treacherous places where the airplane performs. 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:24.819 We're taught all of those things. And we know 00:19:24.819 --> 00:19:26.859 that inside and out. And you can wake us up in 00:19:26.859 --> 00:19:29.220 the sleep and say, what's the bull face item 00:19:29.220 --> 00:19:31.700 for, you know, fire in the cockpit, right? Or 00:19:31.700 --> 00:19:35.400 engine fire or whatever it is. You know those 00:19:35.400 --> 00:19:38.650 things bulletproof. right? You know it and you 00:19:38.650 --> 00:19:41.910 know that you know it, but even so you don't 00:19:41.910 --> 00:19:45.369 really, really know it until you solo, till you 00:19:45.369 --> 00:19:47.750 go out there and you just do it yourself. So 00:19:47.750 --> 00:19:49.650 I'm not expecting that most of you are going 00:19:49.650 --> 00:19:51.950 to go fly airplanes. And I really hope you do, 00:19:52.029 --> 00:19:54.269 because I think everybody needs to fly. But I 00:19:54.269 --> 00:19:56.890 will say that, you know, there's going to be 00:19:56.890 --> 00:19:58.710 times in your life where things don't go the 00:19:58.710 --> 00:20:01.470 way that you think they should. There's going 00:20:01.470 --> 00:20:04.329 to be times where people jack you over and it's 00:20:04.329 --> 00:20:06.809 not even your fault. and you're going to take 00:20:06.809 --> 00:20:09.630 it personally, there's going to be times where 00:20:09.630 --> 00:20:12.230 you have to go solo and you have to carry the 00:20:12.230 --> 00:20:14.950 ball by yourself. And there's going to be times 00:20:14.950 --> 00:20:19.069 where you have relationships that, you know, 00:20:19.089 --> 00:20:20.930 you just got to give the other person some space 00:20:20.930 --> 00:20:24.109 and permit them to go solo. Give them the time 00:20:24.109 --> 00:20:30.230 and space. I learned in college, I went to the 00:20:30.230 --> 00:20:32.769 Air Force Academy, and when I was in college, 00:20:32.789 --> 00:20:36.769 I used to go to a thing called the... The Officers 00:20:36.769 --> 00:20:40.049 Christian Fellowship. And some really cool people 00:20:40.049 --> 00:20:42.349 I hung out with there. And even to this day, 00:20:42.369 --> 00:20:43.930 I think they're some of the most wonderful people. 00:20:44.809 --> 00:20:49.769 I wasn't too much into the scripture stuff. I 00:20:49.769 --> 00:20:51.910 thought it was interesting, but I was very interested 00:20:51.910 --> 00:20:56.750 in the friendships. And we talked a lot of times 00:20:56.750 --> 00:21:00.490 about relationships. I think that one of the 00:21:00.490 --> 00:21:03.190 best things I got from that experience was these 00:21:03.190 --> 00:21:06.130 discussions. Or were these discussions about 00:21:06.130 --> 00:21:09.990 these relationships? Because I was not yet engaged. 00:21:10.170 --> 00:21:12.869 I was not yet married. I was just kind of dating 00:21:12.869 --> 00:21:17.210 seriously. But what I learned is that there's 00:21:17.210 --> 00:21:20.410 this dance. It's called a relationship dance. 00:21:21.089 --> 00:21:24.430 And I think all of us have experienced it. Where 00:21:24.430 --> 00:21:28.210 what happens is you, let's just say you have 00:21:28.210 --> 00:21:31.130 a desire to be close to this person. But this 00:21:31.130 --> 00:21:34.789 person has not yet warmed up to you. Or it could 00:21:34.789 --> 00:21:37.309 go the other way around. Maybe this person has 00:21:37.309 --> 00:21:39.930 a desire to be close to you and you're just not 00:21:39.930 --> 00:21:43.869 in a place or a space where you want them to 00:21:43.869 --> 00:21:46.190 be close to you. And you've probably been on 00:21:46.190 --> 00:21:50.509 both sides of this. And there's this, think about 00:21:50.509 --> 00:21:55.509 concentric circles surrounding you. Think about 00:21:55.509 --> 00:21:59.069 who you would have in your innermost circle, 00:21:59.269 --> 00:22:01.329 right? That would be like probably your spouse, 00:22:01.410 --> 00:22:04.420 your boyfriend, girlfriend. The people in your 00:22:04.420 --> 00:22:06.299 closest circle, well, they can actually touch 00:22:06.299 --> 00:22:08.539 you and be intimate with you. But then the next 00:22:08.539 --> 00:22:11.859 circle out would be the close friends where you 00:22:11.859 --> 00:22:14.299 don't mind, you know, slapping each other on 00:22:14.299 --> 00:22:16.420 the back and, you know, grabbing each other's 00:22:16.420 --> 00:22:19.140 shoulders or, you know, giving each other noogies 00:22:19.140 --> 00:22:22.839 or whatever. For the Gen Xers, look up noogie, 00:22:22.980 --> 00:22:24.960 you'll figure it out what it is. But basically, 00:22:25.220 --> 00:22:27.359 you know, when you feel comfortable touching 00:22:27.359 --> 00:22:30.599 or, you know, slapping or punching in a playful 00:22:30.599 --> 00:22:34.539 way, other people. But then there's concentric 00:22:34.539 --> 00:22:38.339 circles going outward. So if you just met somebody 00:22:38.339 --> 00:22:40.759 for the first time at, say, the Rotary Club or 00:22:40.759 --> 00:22:45.980 the school function, you're not going to go up 00:22:45.980 --> 00:22:48.920 and hug them and punch them. So there's this 00:22:48.920 --> 00:22:52.140 degree of feeling comfortable letting people 00:22:52.140 --> 00:22:54.920 closer and closer and closer to you. The thing 00:22:54.920 --> 00:22:57.759 is, what we all have to do is be aware of when 00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:02.009 is it appropriate to... let those people come 00:23:02.009 --> 00:23:04.289 in. And as you develop those friendships, you 00:23:04.289 --> 00:23:07.690 also have to be aware how close, what are the 00:23:07.690 --> 00:23:09.170 terms, what are the conditions, what are the 00:23:09.170 --> 00:23:12.470 boundaries? But then even when they're in those 00:23:12.470 --> 00:23:16.250 circles, you have to have this awareness that 00:23:16.250 --> 00:23:18.809 sometimes they need to be alone and sometimes 00:23:18.809 --> 00:23:21.809 you need to be alone. So even with the closest 00:23:21.809 --> 00:23:26.109 of the closest friendships, sometimes people 00:23:26.109 --> 00:23:28.630 need to be alone. So that's kind of where I'm 00:23:28.630 --> 00:23:31.289 getting at with this. Number one, is let's be 00:23:31.289 --> 00:23:34.170 flexible. Let's understand that life's going 00:23:34.170 --> 00:23:38.549 to give you some things. People in my circle, 00:23:38.609 --> 00:23:40.789 they know I call it a shit sandwich, right? So, 00:23:40.849 --> 00:23:44.990 you know, two things. When life offers you a 00:23:44.990 --> 00:23:47.690 shit sandwich, you don't have to eat it, all 00:23:47.690 --> 00:23:49.690 right? You don't have to eat it. So let it go. 00:23:49.950 --> 00:23:53.329 Let it pass you by. If you do decide you're going 00:23:53.329 --> 00:23:55.690 to eat this shit sandwich, just make it full 00:23:55.690 --> 00:23:57.490 of condiments. Get your favorite condiments. 00:23:57.670 --> 00:24:02.460 But ultimately... Um, what you want to do is 00:24:02.460 --> 00:24:06.319 just, um, when it comes to relationships, give, 00:24:06.460 --> 00:24:09.220 give people that space, give them the honor and 00:24:09.220 --> 00:24:13.819 give them, um, the, the chance to be alone probably 00:24:13.819 --> 00:24:16.960 above all else, uh, with relationships. I want 00:24:16.960 --> 00:24:18.799 to just share one more thing on, on this and 00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:21.079 then I'll move on to something else. Uh, these 00:24:21.079 --> 00:24:24.579 relationships out of all the relationships you 00:24:24.579 --> 00:24:28.779 have, I really want you to get, um, really up 00:24:28.779 --> 00:24:31.220 close and personal with the relationship you 00:24:31.220 --> 00:24:38.500 have with yourself, okay? I cannot overemphasize 00:24:38.500 --> 00:24:43.819 the need to spend some quiet time with yourself. 00:24:44.039 --> 00:24:48.279 Go solo with yourself. Even if you love all of 00:24:48.279 --> 00:24:50.019 the other people in your life and you want to 00:24:50.019 --> 00:24:53.779 have them in your inner circle, I think it's 00:24:53.779 --> 00:24:56.970 necessary that you go solo sometimes. Hang out 00:24:56.970 --> 00:25:01.130 by yourself. Sit on a park bench. Go in your 00:25:01.130 --> 00:25:05.990 backyard. Sit in a hot tub by yourself. Get yourself 00:25:05.990 --> 00:25:09.309 a hobby. I even go and play my bass guitar. Just 00:25:09.309 --> 00:25:11.609 go play stuff. Doesn't even have to be with another 00:25:11.609 --> 00:25:15.130 band. Just go hit some strings. Just be quiet. 00:25:15.269 --> 00:25:18.089 Be thoughtful. Be reflective. I think that if 00:25:18.089 --> 00:25:20.250 you each do that, I would love to hear your feedback. 00:25:20.329 --> 00:25:22.809 If you're not that person that can do that, and 00:25:22.809 --> 00:25:26.119 you've never done that, just being... peaceful 00:25:26.119 --> 00:25:29.319 and quiet, even sitting in a dark room and doing 00:25:29.319 --> 00:25:32.319 nothing. I would love to get your feedback if 00:25:32.319 --> 00:25:34.779 you're able and willing to do that. So, okay. 00:25:35.099 --> 00:25:37.680 I just word vomited a whole bunch of stuff on 00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:39.759 you. I hope this is beneficial to some people. 00:25:40.279 --> 00:25:47.160 So, I want to talk about a couple of things going 00:25:47.160 --> 00:25:51.319 on in the world around us, and then it'll dovetail 00:25:51.319 --> 00:25:53.859 a little bit with what I just shared, but I also 00:25:53.859 --> 00:25:59.200 want to... let people know that things are not 00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:04.359 always as they should be, and they're certainly 00:26:04.359 --> 00:26:07.740 not as they always appear, as they appear. And 00:26:07.740 --> 00:26:10.359 I'm only going to say that because everything's 00:26:10.359 --> 00:26:13.140 a relationship. We have relationships with ourselves, 00:26:13.460 --> 00:26:15.400 with our best friends, with our close friends. 00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:17.859 Truthfully, I mean, we even have relationships 00:26:17.859 --> 00:26:22.069 with people who hate us. right? People who despise 00:26:22.069 --> 00:26:25.210 us, we still have a relationship with them. So 00:26:25.210 --> 00:26:27.849 it's really important that we get to a point 00:26:27.849 --> 00:26:30.809 in our lives where we understand that everything's 00:26:30.809 --> 00:26:36.589 a relationship. I will say this, you even have 00:26:36.589 --> 00:26:40.250 relationships with your past self and your future 00:26:40.250 --> 00:26:43.450 self. So these relationships, you have to kind 00:26:43.450 --> 00:26:45.910 of get your head around, what do they mean? What 00:26:45.910 --> 00:26:48.410 does my relationship with my future self mean? 00:26:49.319 --> 00:26:52.819 Is the future Tia Jolie pulling me to her? What 00:26:52.819 --> 00:26:55.500 is she trying to tell me? What is my relationship 00:26:55.500 --> 00:26:58.720 with my future self? Those are important things. 00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:02.220 I wanted to let you know that there's a lot of 00:27:02.220 --> 00:27:04.039 squirrely things going on in the world around 00:27:04.039 --> 00:27:07.319 us, and some of them can be outright scary. I've 00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:09.700 had a lot of people come up to me and say, Tia 00:27:09.700 --> 00:27:12.779 Jolie, what do you think about this thing that's 00:27:12.779 --> 00:27:17.319 happening? And my answer is almost always the 00:27:17.319 --> 00:27:21.279 same. It's like, well, what do you think is happening 00:27:21.279 --> 00:27:24.119 around you? What is it that you're perceiving? 00:27:25.400 --> 00:27:28.940 And they'll say, well, the TV said this and the 00:27:28.940 --> 00:27:30.940 news said this and the people say this and the 00:27:30.940 --> 00:27:34.180 Internet says this. And my answer is always, 00:27:34.339 --> 00:27:36.740 well, what do you think is going on? What do 00:27:36.740 --> 00:27:40.180 you perceive? Right. So what I wanted to share 00:27:40.180 --> 00:27:42.019 with you just I'm going to probably wrap this 00:27:42.019 --> 00:27:46.890 up here is, you know, I would try to. I would 00:27:46.890 --> 00:27:50.490 encourage you to adopt or start studying philosophy, 00:27:50.549 --> 00:27:54.430 start thinking about all of the different other 00:27:54.430 --> 00:27:57.269 ways that people think of things, and then pick 00:27:57.269 --> 00:28:01.069 and choose which ones of those things apply to 00:28:01.069 --> 00:28:04.329 you, which ones of those things make sense to 00:28:04.329 --> 00:28:07.210 you. And even if it's, don't put a judgment on 00:28:07.210 --> 00:28:09.569 it, there's no right or wrong answer, but just 00:28:09.569 --> 00:28:15.460 think. Like I personally, I... I resonate a lot 00:28:15.460 --> 00:28:18.960 with stories I hear of the emperor Marcus Aurelius. 00:28:19.259 --> 00:28:23.559 If you've not studied stoicism, Marcus Aurelius, 00:28:23.559 --> 00:28:27.619 his life, it resonates with me. Interestingly, 00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:30.599 one of the reasons it resonates with me is because 00:28:30.599 --> 00:28:33.660 his philosophy was to do the right things for 00:28:33.660 --> 00:28:36.079 the right reason just because they're the right 00:28:36.079 --> 00:28:40.000 things to do. But that left him in a very, very 00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:42.759 lonely place. He was the richest, most powerful 00:28:42.759 --> 00:28:45.680 person in the world at the time. The Roman Empire, 00:28:46.039 --> 00:28:49.740 the whole Roman Empire knelt down to him. But 00:28:49.740 --> 00:28:52.859 if you're at the top of that apex of the world, 00:28:52.940 --> 00:28:55.660 who do you go to? It was a very lonely place. 00:28:55.779 --> 00:28:58.539 And I think for that reason, that resonates with 00:28:58.539 --> 00:29:01.440 me. Because even in his loneliness, he still 00:29:01.440 --> 00:29:04.759 did the right things for the right reasons. I 00:29:04.759 --> 00:29:08.460 want to share one more story. I asked Sarah. 00:29:09.519 --> 00:29:15.140 to consider listening to the Gospel of Mary and 00:29:15.140 --> 00:29:17.519 just kind of reviewing the Gospel of Mary Magdalene. 00:29:17.640 --> 00:29:21.859 And I hope you all will do that too. But in her 00:29:21.859 --> 00:29:24.539 scenario, that was also a very lonely place. 00:29:24.579 --> 00:29:26.859 When you really look at the Gospel of Mary, at 00:29:26.859 --> 00:29:29.299 least the pieces, the scraps and shards of the 00:29:29.299 --> 00:29:32.579 Gospel of Mary that we can gather, because many 00:29:32.579 --> 00:29:37.680 parts of it were destroyed. But I think... There's 00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:40.059 six chapters or so, five or six chapters that 00:29:40.059 --> 00:29:42.559 we get enough so we can get the flavor of it. 00:29:42.980 --> 00:29:46.259 But what a very lonely place to be. She was given 00:29:46.259 --> 00:29:51.279 truths about our existence, about our reality, 00:29:51.400 --> 00:29:55.539 about the world around us that the other apostles 00:29:55.539 --> 00:29:58.920 were not given privy to. So when the other apostles 00:29:58.920 --> 00:30:03.279 asked her, Well, what did Jesus share with you? 00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:06.259 What was this story? What's all this secret information? 00:30:07.539 --> 00:30:10.400 And she shared it with them. They denied her. 00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:13.259 They actually ostracized her and marginalized 00:30:13.259 --> 00:30:17.200 her. So here's another scenario where she actually 00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:21.359 had to go alone, like proceed alone. Even when 00:30:21.359 --> 00:30:24.200 your closest, best friends, people you call brother, 00:30:24.380 --> 00:30:27.299 right? She literally called those people brother. 00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:31.900 really pretty much discarded her and cast her 00:30:31.900 --> 00:30:35.079 off as a, well, no, there's no way that that 00:30:35.079 --> 00:30:38.539 would be the case. You must be mistaken, you 00:30:38.539 --> 00:30:42.299 know. That's a very lonely place to be. So just 00:30:42.299 --> 00:30:44.500 understand, sometimes the people closest to you, 00:30:44.740 --> 00:30:48.559 even though you have the correct, the right information 00:30:48.559 --> 00:30:53.660 directly from the source, it's bulletproof. Even 00:30:53.660 --> 00:30:55.400 though you have that information and you know 00:30:55.400 --> 00:30:57.119 you're right and you're saying the right things 00:30:57.119 --> 00:30:59.240 and you're doing it for the right reasons, you 00:30:59.240 --> 00:31:03.059 can still be pretty darn lonely. So, you know, 00:31:03.079 --> 00:31:05.779 I'm going to say one more thing. I didn't know 00:31:05.779 --> 00:31:08.019 where I was going to go with this. I know it's 00:31:08.019 --> 00:31:10.819 kind of a diatribe at this point, but I want 00:31:10.819 --> 00:31:13.740 to share one thing. You know, I did not retire 00:31:13.740 --> 00:31:15.779 from the military. I stayed in a little over 00:31:15.779 --> 00:31:18.440 12 years. I want to tell you one more thing, 00:31:18.500 --> 00:31:20.519 and this is about leadership and it's about telling 00:31:20.519 --> 00:31:24.119 the truth. One of the things I loved the most 00:31:24.119 --> 00:31:26.240 about the Air Force Academy was that it had what 00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:30.220 was called the Honor Code. And the Honor Code 00:31:30.220 --> 00:31:33.339 was really simple. It said, I won't lie, cheat, 00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:38.960 or steal, nor will I tolerate somebody who does, 00:31:39.119 --> 00:31:43.079 right? So in other words, I'm going to just live 00:31:43.079 --> 00:31:45.259 an honorable life, and I'm not going to let people 00:31:45.259 --> 00:31:53.220 around me lie, cheat, or steal. When I was a 00:31:53.220 --> 00:31:56.599 senior at the Air Force Academy, I was in an 00:31:56.599 --> 00:32:00.099 elective course. It was a management class. And 00:32:00.099 --> 00:32:02.920 it was finals. I think this was the end of my 00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:05.440 seventh semester, so it would have been wintertime 00:32:05.440 --> 00:32:11.880 in Colorado. And I was taking an exam. And, you 00:32:11.880 --> 00:32:14.380 know, it was about finance. I like finance. I 00:32:14.380 --> 00:32:15.920 was blitzing through it pretty easily. It was 00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:24.059 the time value of money. figuring out how much 00:32:24.059 --> 00:32:26.559 an annuity would be and all this stuff. It was 00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:30.460 a really fun class. I really enjoyed it. But 00:32:30.460 --> 00:32:34.680 you're just doing a test. You break. You stretch. 00:32:34.900 --> 00:32:38.279 You look at the clock. You just roll your shoulders 00:32:38.279 --> 00:32:40.299 back, and you just stretch, right? Well, I looked 00:32:40.299 --> 00:32:43.579 across the room, and there was another cadet 00:32:43.579 --> 00:32:49.269 that was literally cheating, like looking. obviously 00:32:49.269 --> 00:32:53.890 very overtly, non -discriminately at the paper 00:32:53.890 --> 00:32:57.130 next to him. And I was like, oh my goodness. 00:32:57.289 --> 00:32:59.210 I didn't, I looked down at my paper. I'm like, 00:32:59.269 --> 00:33:01.789 oh my goodness. I didn't just see that, did I? 00:33:01.950 --> 00:33:04.750 It was excruciating because now I'm like, I'm 00:33:04.750 --> 00:33:09.049 in a tough spot because I saw something, I saw 00:33:09.049 --> 00:33:13.210 somebody cheating. My honor code says I'm not 00:33:13.210 --> 00:33:16.609 allowed to tolerate that. That means I must take 00:33:16.609 --> 00:33:19.119 action. It's not optional. They don't give you 00:33:19.119 --> 00:33:23.759 a choice because if I saw him cheating and later 00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:26.480 on somebody finds out that I saw him cheating 00:33:26.480 --> 00:33:29.299 and I didn't say anything, I'm the one that can 00:33:29.299 --> 00:33:32.880 get kicked out. So on the way out the door after 00:33:32.880 --> 00:33:36.200 the test, I pulled this guy aside and I said, 00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:41.319 hey, I just need some explanation for what I 00:33:41.319 --> 00:33:43.759 think I saw, but I just wanted to share with 00:33:43.759 --> 00:33:48.359 you. It looked like to me, it seemed like. I 00:33:48.359 --> 00:33:51.299 saw you cheating on this exam and you were looking 00:33:51.299 --> 00:33:54.519 at this other guy's paper and maybe I saw the 00:33:54.519 --> 00:33:56.339 wrong thing. Maybe there's an explanation. I 00:33:56.339 --> 00:33:58.579 gave this guy all of the outs, right? I gave 00:33:58.579 --> 00:34:00.819 him, just tell me something, tell me anything 00:34:00.819 --> 00:34:05.720 that will permit me to, for this cup to pass, 00:34:05.819 --> 00:34:09.159 right? Just tell me some reason that I can let 00:34:09.159 --> 00:34:13.960 you off the hook, right? And there was no explanation. 00:34:13.960 --> 00:34:18.150 In fact, he got up in my face. in a very belligerent 00:34:18.150 --> 00:34:20.809 way and said, I don't know what I'm talking about 00:34:20.809 --> 00:34:26.909 and basically F off. Okay. So this was, this 00:34:26.909 --> 00:34:29.869 was a problem because now I'm in a position where 00:34:29.869 --> 00:34:32.630 it's like, I tried to do the right thing. So 00:34:32.630 --> 00:34:34.989 I went, we, in the squadron, I go back to the 00:34:34.989 --> 00:34:38.909 cadet squadron and there's this individual that's 00:34:38.909 --> 00:34:43.780 called the squadron. Cadet Honor Code. I think 00:34:43.780 --> 00:34:46.559 it's called the Honor Officer or something. Forgive 00:34:46.559 --> 00:34:49.539 me, it's been like 40 years. But there's this 00:34:49.539 --> 00:34:52.539 honor representative that's the person that is 00:34:52.539 --> 00:34:54.619 the specialist for the Honor Code and how we 00:34:54.619 --> 00:34:57.099 interpret it and how to do the right things and 00:34:57.099 --> 00:34:59.880 everything. And the honor person said to me, 00:34:59.940 --> 00:35:03.760 well, we need to file a report. So I'm like, 00:35:03.820 --> 00:35:05.760 oh man, it's like the last thing you want to 00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:08.300 do during finals is do some stupid report. I 00:35:08.300 --> 00:35:11.670 hate reports anyway. So I fill out this report. 00:35:11.949 --> 00:35:14.230 Almost immediately, I was pulled into the commanding 00:35:14.230 --> 00:35:18.949 officer. I was interviewed to explain the report, 00:35:19.130 --> 00:35:21.670 what I saw. Almost immediately after that, I 00:35:21.670 --> 00:35:24.289 was shuffled off to the group commander's office, 00:35:24.510 --> 00:35:28.409 talked to the group commander about what I saw, 00:35:28.530 --> 00:35:31.269 talked to the group. They interviewed me. They 00:35:31.269 --> 00:35:34.170 got a hold of the manager department. They talked 00:35:34.170 --> 00:35:36.510 to the honor. This thing blew up in about a matter 00:35:36.510 --> 00:35:39.570 of like three or four hours. It totally blew 00:35:39.570 --> 00:35:43.650 up. Well, I was upset because I really liked 00:35:43.650 --> 00:35:47.429 this guy. I just liked the guy. He was a good 00:35:47.429 --> 00:35:51.389 guy. I had him in some other classes. And long 00:35:51.389 --> 00:35:56.210 and short of it is I was pulled by a full bird 00:35:56.210 --> 00:35:59.070 colonel. A full bird means that he's the sixth 00:35:59.070 --> 00:36:01.849 level of officer in the Air Force. And I'm not 00:36:01.849 --> 00:36:03.969 even the first level of officer, so I was scared 00:36:03.969 --> 00:36:07.940 out of my boots. But I was invited to this private 00:36:07.940 --> 00:36:11.340 room. This Fulberg colonel explained to me that 00:36:11.340 --> 00:36:13.480 I did the right thing. And I mean, I'm not going 00:36:13.480 --> 00:36:15.699 to lie to y 'all. I was crying. I was really, 00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:21.000 really, really upset. And this colonel said, 00:36:21.159 --> 00:36:24.380 you did the right thing. He said, we pulled the 00:36:24.380 --> 00:36:29.380 papers from him and the person next to him. And 00:36:29.380 --> 00:36:32.579 the papers were identical in every way, including. 00:36:33.900 --> 00:36:36.360 The calculations in the margin next to it, like 00:36:36.360 --> 00:36:42.539 every single thing, it was a perfect match. They 00:36:42.539 --> 00:36:45.559 talked to him. Long and short, he got dismissed 00:36:45.559 --> 00:36:49.199 from the Air Force with one semester to go. It 00:36:49.199 --> 00:36:54.059 took me a long time to get over that, but repeatedly 00:36:54.059 --> 00:36:56.639 people told me I did the right thing. It doesn't 00:36:56.639 --> 00:36:58.260 always feel like it's the right thing because 00:36:58.260 --> 00:37:00.000 you're feeling like you're betraying somebody, 00:37:00.239 --> 00:37:03.360 but the fact is they betrayed themselves. And 00:37:03.360 --> 00:37:05.219 so this is a very difficult thing. I'm sharing 00:37:05.219 --> 00:37:08.679 this with you because it's tough to do leadership. 00:37:09.320 --> 00:37:12.139 It's tough to do the right thing. It's tough 00:37:12.139 --> 00:37:15.460 to do what's right just because it's the right 00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:19.360 thing to do. And I'll wrap it up, wrap up this 00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:23.090 solo thing with one more thing. I intended to 00:37:23.090 --> 00:37:26.289 stay in the Air Force. I flew honorably. I flew. 00:37:27.070 --> 00:37:30.250 I supported the 89th Air Force. We flew the president's 00:37:30.250 --> 00:37:32.750 limousine, Secret Service people. I've been to 00:37:32.750 --> 00:37:35.889 50 countries. I had my bags, plus I had a bag 00:37:35.889 --> 00:37:39.929 for Arctic, a bag for desert. Pretty much I was 00:37:39.929 --> 00:37:42.989 one of three crews could fly worldwide. We didn't 00:37:42.989 --> 00:37:45.570 have the Internet, so we just turn on the news 00:37:45.570 --> 00:37:47.570 and see what's happening in the world, and that's 00:37:47.570 --> 00:37:51.489 probably where we're going. I loved my career. 00:37:51.630 --> 00:37:54.010 I wanted my career. I wanted to stay with my 00:37:54.010 --> 00:37:56.690 career. But you can't stay on the flight deck, 00:37:56.710 --> 00:37:59.710 so sometimes you have to take a not -flying job. 00:37:59.869 --> 00:38:03.530 You have to take what they call a desk job. So 00:38:03.530 --> 00:38:05.869 I took a desk job up in Detroit because that's 00:38:05.869 --> 00:38:08.050 where my family was, and it was a promotions 00:38:08.050 --> 00:38:11.510 job. I won't go into the details, but there was 00:38:11.510 --> 00:38:15.909 about two -thirds through that tour, I had a 00:38:15.909 --> 00:38:22.530 colonel. a fifth -level lieutenant colonel, basically 00:38:22.530 --> 00:38:26.289 a fifth -level officer, and I was a captain at 00:38:26.289 --> 00:38:29.929 the time, come into my office. I was in charge 00:38:29.929 --> 00:38:33.010 of advertising and promotions. I had a budget. 00:38:33.210 --> 00:38:35.989 It wasn't a huge budget, maybe a million. I don't 00:38:35.989 --> 00:38:37.809 even think it was a million dollars. It was just 00:38:37.809 --> 00:38:40.309 a long time ago. But basically, I had a budget 00:38:40.309 --> 00:38:43.570 for promotions for the squadron, and I was in 00:38:43.570 --> 00:38:46.190 charge of that budget. And the commander came 00:38:46.190 --> 00:38:52.539 in and asked me to... modify some squadron notes 00:38:52.539 --> 00:38:55.460 from a squadron meeting, a staff meeting that 00:38:55.460 --> 00:39:00.039 we had 90 days prior. So in other words, Captain, 00:39:00.219 --> 00:39:03.599 I'm the colonel. I want you to go and go back 00:39:03.599 --> 00:39:07.940 90 days. I want you to change the information, 00:39:08.139 --> 00:39:12.079 change the numbers on this report to reflect 00:39:12.079 --> 00:39:14.880 this. So he wanted me to change official numbers 00:39:14.880 --> 00:39:18.079 on an official document. And I told him, I said, 00:39:18.199 --> 00:39:22.219 sir, no disrespect, but that's not the way it 00:39:22.219 --> 00:39:26.340 happened. That's not accurate information. He 00:39:26.340 --> 00:39:27.920 says, I know, but this is what we need to make 00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:30.659 the numbers look right. And I said, but you're 00:39:30.659 --> 00:39:34.139 not hearing what I'm saying. This is not accurate. 00:39:34.280 --> 00:39:37.699 We're putting forth false information on an official 00:39:37.699 --> 00:39:43.679 document. Well, he basically ordered me to, ordered 00:39:43.679 --> 00:39:46.610 me. to change it and to sign the revised documents. 00:39:47.050 --> 00:39:51.070 And I didn't do it. I said, sir, if you want 00:39:51.070 --> 00:39:53.969 to change these documents, you change them and 00:39:53.969 --> 00:39:55.889 you sign them. I'm not signing something that's 00:39:55.889 --> 00:39:59.190 wrong. Now, some of you might say that I'm an 00:39:59.190 --> 00:40:02.730 idiot for doing that, because that's your commanding 00:40:02.730 --> 00:40:04.989 officer and things like that. Well, I'll also 00:40:04.989 --> 00:40:08.949 tell you that we know, based on our training 00:40:08.949 --> 00:40:12.190 as cadets, that there are things that are honorable. 00:40:12.840 --> 00:40:15.199 And there are things that are dishonorable. And 00:40:15.199 --> 00:40:18.079 in the military, as a pilot, we always had this 00:40:18.079 --> 00:40:22.260 thing, how is this going to sound if I'm called 00:40:22.260 --> 00:40:25.320 on the carpet to explain myself? If I get called 00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:29.179 out for doing this, am I on the right side of 00:40:29.179 --> 00:40:32.599 this deal, of what we're putting out there? Well, 00:40:32.699 --> 00:40:36.159 fast forward, that commander was relieved of 00:40:36.159 --> 00:40:39.400 duty, not because of anything I did, but because 00:40:39.400 --> 00:40:41.619 the investigation, there was some investigation. 00:40:42.409 --> 00:40:46.789 into the squadron, and he was relieved. There 00:40:46.789 --> 00:40:48.949 were also two other captains in the squadron 00:40:48.949 --> 00:40:51.570 that were relieved because they didn't stand 00:40:51.570 --> 00:40:53.809 up and do the right thing. They were relieved. 00:40:54.170 --> 00:40:58.429 So going solo, I did the right thing, and the 00:40:58.429 --> 00:41:02.210 next commander that came in made my life hell 00:41:02.210 --> 00:41:08.929 and basically made sure that I was not going 00:41:08.929 --> 00:41:11.050 to be promoted to major, even though I was up 00:41:11.050 --> 00:41:15.260 for major. I share that with you because my Air 00:41:15.260 --> 00:41:19.659 Force career was literally tanked. It was destroyed 00:41:19.659 --> 00:41:24.840 because I went solo. I took the high road. I 00:41:24.840 --> 00:41:28.800 did the right thing. And as a result, I should 00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:31.800 have a retirement from the Air Force, and I don't. 00:41:31.940 --> 00:41:36.119 So why do I say these things? Again, sometimes 00:41:36.119 --> 00:41:38.420 you have to go solo. Sometimes you have to do 00:41:38.420 --> 00:41:40.500 the right thing just because it's the right thing 00:41:40.500 --> 00:41:44.059 to do and let the cards fall as they will. Well, 00:41:44.099 --> 00:41:46.179 I'm here to tell you that I wouldn't change a 00:41:46.179 --> 00:41:48.639 thing. Looking back at all of those scenarios, 00:41:49.079 --> 00:41:51.739 I wouldn't change a thing. And I think at the 00:41:51.739 --> 00:41:54.320 end of the day, you know, each of us came into 00:41:54.320 --> 00:41:57.340 this world solo. Maybe some of you came in with 00:41:57.340 --> 00:41:59.960 a twin or something, but essentially you did 00:41:59.960 --> 00:42:03.139 come in solo. You came in solo. You're going 00:42:03.139 --> 00:42:06.880 to leave solo. This is all about you. It's all 00:42:06.880 --> 00:42:10.039 about your journey. Sarah and I do this Soul 00:42:10.039 --> 00:42:13.679 Decodes for you to figure out what is your soul's 00:42:13.679 --> 00:42:17.239 journey? Who are you? Why are you here? How do 00:42:17.239 --> 00:42:19.480 you interpret the world around you? And how do 00:42:19.480 --> 00:42:22.440 you make it the best solo journey you can make 00:42:22.440 --> 00:42:26.139 it? Yes, there's other people around you, but 00:42:26.139 --> 00:42:30.699 they're on their solo journeys too, right? The 00:42:30.699 --> 00:42:32.980 best thing we can do is help other people on 00:42:32.980 --> 00:42:35.619 their solo journeys. But all of us are leaving. 00:42:35.699 --> 00:42:38.139 We came alone and naked. We're leaving alone 00:42:38.139 --> 00:42:41.099 and naked. So the best thing we can do is decide 00:42:41.099 --> 00:42:44.039 what are we going to do? How do we make it the 00:42:44.039 --> 00:42:47.699 best experience we can make it? And yes, there 00:42:47.699 --> 00:42:49.420 will be some times we have to make tough decisions 00:42:49.420 --> 00:42:53.039 solo. But let's try to make the relationships 00:42:53.039 --> 00:42:57.199 that we have when we're not solo the best possible 00:42:57.199 --> 00:43:01.000 relationships. And the relationship that you 00:43:01.000 --> 00:43:04.579 have when you are solo, which is the relationship 00:43:04.579 --> 00:43:08.019 you have with yourself, the one where you look 00:43:08.019 --> 00:43:10.920 in the mirror and say, hell yeah, you did the 00:43:10.920 --> 00:43:13.579 right thing for the right reason. Even if the 00:43:13.579 --> 00:43:16.260 whole world disagrees with what you did, you 00:43:16.260 --> 00:43:18.099 can stand, you can look at yourself in the eye 00:43:18.099 --> 00:43:21.960 and say, hell yeah, you did it. So when we look 00:43:21.960 --> 00:43:25.380 at the world around us, there's a bunch of stuff 00:43:25.380 --> 00:43:28.610 going on. I'm encouraging you to just dive into 00:43:28.610 --> 00:43:31.070 philosophy, study some of these philosophers, 00:43:31.369 --> 00:43:34.289 study the scriptures that are not the canonized 00:43:34.289 --> 00:43:37.230 ones. Look at the ones that are the Apocrypha, 00:43:37.389 --> 00:43:42.269 the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Gospel of Thomas. Study 00:43:42.269 --> 00:43:45.190 these other ones, these other scriptures. Find 00:43:45.190 --> 00:43:48.269 out what other people observed. Find out what 00:43:48.269 --> 00:43:50.750 they did, what they were thinking, what they 00:43:50.750 --> 00:43:52.989 were doing, because they were on a solo journey 00:43:52.989 --> 00:43:55.650 too. Each one of those was trying to find out 00:43:56.269 --> 00:43:59.269 their life purpose, how do I navigate this life 00:43:59.269 --> 00:44:01.949 that I've got, right? So I just want to say that 00:44:01.949 --> 00:44:04.789 whatever you think is the real world around you, 00:44:04.869 --> 00:44:07.389 as you look around and there's chaos, there's 00:44:07.389 --> 00:44:10.030 stupidity, there's some things go your way, some 00:44:10.030 --> 00:44:13.289 things don't go your way, whatever it is that's 00:44:13.289 --> 00:44:19.489 going on around you, ultimately, the so -called 00:44:19.489 --> 00:44:23.250 real world is not the one that's around you. 00:44:23.489 --> 00:44:26.739 The real world is not what's going on on TV. 00:44:27.300 --> 00:44:31.320 It's not the thing. It's not what's going on 00:44:31.320 --> 00:44:34.519 at the pub or the ball field or the bowling alley. 00:44:34.619 --> 00:44:36.699 It's none of that. That's not the real world. 00:44:37.079 --> 00:44:42.000 The real world is you versus you. And it's a 00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:46.739 solo journey. And we're here to help you. So 00:44:46.739 --> 00:44:49.079 anyway, I wish Sarah was here to chime in on 00:44:49.079 --> 00:44:51.679 this. She sends her love. I want to let you all 00:44:51.679 --> 00:44:54.320 know that. This was excruciatingly difficult 00:44:54.320 --> 00:44:56.940 for me to talk for whatever number of minutes 00:44:56.940 --> 00:44:59.780 I did. I won't know until I actually look at 00:44:59.780 --> 00:45:03.320 the tape or look at the recording. But thank 00:45:03.320 --> 00:45:05.340 you for listening to me if you're still hanging 00:45:05.340 --> 00:45:08.900 in there. I love you dearly. Even though you're 00:45:08.900 --> 00:45:11.940 on a solo journey, you're not alone. I want you 00:45:11.940 --> 00:45:14.960 to know, yes, you're solo. But no, you're not 00:45:14.960 --> 00:45:17.460 alone, okay? Love you dearly. Thanks for tuning 00:45:17.460 --> 00:45:19.880 in, Soul Decodes. I'm looking forward to talking 00:45:19.880 --> 00:45:22.099 to you next week. And I promise you, I'm going 00:45:22.099 --> 00:45:24.059 to make sure that Sarah does most of the talking, 00:45:24.119 --> 00:45:39.739 okay? Be well. 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