There are two types of people that walk into a room.
One of them says, hey, there you are.
The other type of person says, hey, here I am.
And if you come across somebody who says, hey, here I am,
you should avoid that person like the plague.
That person is not for you.
Hello and welcome back to the Once Upon a Trip podcast.
My name is Mary Grace Crawford
and I am the host of this show.
Today's episode is going to be about dating
because this is Valentine's Day week.
Whether you are so over the moon,
la la, every single day is Valentine's love,
or if you couldn't give a flying fuck.
Whatever perspective you have on Valentine's Day,
I still believe this episode will be one of entertainment.
I did another episode very similar
to the one we're diving into today,
except I did Americans.
Well, now it's time to do the Europeans.
This episode will basically feature a number of mistakes,
fails, and lessons of my dating years in Europe
that I had before Marco.
To avoid this being way too long
and to really focus on providing value entertainment
and probably a few laughs,
I have handpicked a few different scenarios
that I think you will either be able to relate to
from your past experience
or you may even be relate to this right now.
Even though I'm happily in a relationship now
and I have found my person
and maybe you have also found your person,
maybe you are married,
maybe you're in a happy relationship,
then this episode today is going to be more
of a memory lane relatable past experience
type of episode,
but if you are single
and you're still looking for the right person for you,
I encourage you to listen to this episode
with an open mind and to take even just one
or two little nuggets away from it
and apply it to your own dating journey
in finding the right person for you
and not being in a rush to do so.
This is actually going to be the last solo episode
for a while.
And there's a very good reason for that,
which I'm about to get into right now.
If you listened to the last very short episode,
you probably have already heard me introduce this concept,
but I'll take just a minute right now
to explain it a little bit more in detail,
just so it's a little more clear.
After a whole lot of thinking and contemplating,
I am going to be rebranding the podcast
to permanently include Marco as a co-host.
So future episodes going forward
are going to be under a completely different name again,
and are also going to be including Marco
in every single episode.
The focus of this podcast is shifting
in a way that we're not going to focus on travel stories
from five, six, 10 years ago in my personal life,
because honestly, it gets hard to talk about events
that happened that long ago,
but also because I know that a number of you
really love Marco on the episodes,
as do I.
I really love having him as part of the current journey,
the life that is happening now,
and I really do enjoy comparing America
and Germany slash Europe in general.
So that is going to be a more permanent shift in the podcast.
It doesn't mean there won't be solo episodes
thrown in every now and then,
but I just wanted to make this clear.
With all of this being said,
enjoy the episode and the ride.
Here we go, dating story number one.
During COVID, I was in Asia for a very short time,
and specifically, I was in Myanmar
when I met this Polish guy on a bus.
I don't remember where I was going,
but I remember I was on this local bus with this Polish guy,
and we were completely surrounded by locals.
None of them spoke English.
We also could not communicate in Burmese.
So by default, we ended up speaking to each other,
and we ended up hitting things off.
He was traveling alone.
I was also traveling alone.
At some point, we exchanged numbers,
and we agreed that we would meet up for a little date.
Not that same day, but the day after,
we met each other on this random bus.
One full day goes by,
and we make plans to meet at his hotel,
because his hotel specifically had this rooftop bar.
I just thought, okay, I'll go and see Polish guy
at his hotel, and I love rooftops, so this is a plus.
Just a few hours before going to Polish guy's hotel,
I decided that I was going to treat myself
and that I was going to get eyelash extensions,
which if you know me, you know that is my thing.
But for some reason, that day,
I don't know if it was just bad luck
or if Myanmar just operates on a slower schedule,
but it took five hours to get my eyelashes done
when it really should have just taken two.
I was getting very impatient and frustrated.
At the same time, there was this Turkish guy in Istanbul
who I liked, but we weren't together,
which that is a long complicated story in itself.
But anyway, earlier that same day,
I think we had also gotten into a fight.
So needless to say, I was in a bad mood,
but I still had this plan of seeing
this attractive Polish guy
who I met on the bus the day before.
And this is where I'm going to share takeaway number one
when it comes to dating.
Do not bring baggage to a date.
Do not let your bad mood, your bad emotions,
maybe you had a bad day at work,
maybe you're really stressed out,
maybe your family is making you really upset,
whatever the reason is, do not bring that to your date
because things will not go well.
And I say this now because this night did not go well
because I did that.
I went to the Polish guy's hotel, we went to the rooftop,
I was pissed because first world problems,
my eyelash appointment took way too long,
and I was emotionally a mess
because of this Turkish guy messing with my emotions
back in Istanbul, and I drank way too much.
I wanted a glass of red wine at the bar.
I got my red glass of wine at the bar.
I talked a lot with Polish guy, had a good time,
but I took it too far.
I had one, two, three, five, six glasses of wine.
And if you don't know me, I cannot take a lot of alcohol.
I am pretty lightweight.
It doesn't take too much for me to get drunk.
Well, I definitely was drunk
and I made a fucking fool of myself.
I don't know why Polish guy didn't stop me
from drinking six glasses of wine.
It's not his fault, it's not his responsibility.
He didn't know me, and I gave him
a really, really bad impression.
After six glasses of wine, I stumbled out of my stool,
and at first he didn't notice
that I was really actually that drunk.
So he said, okay, my hotel room is very close by.
How about you sit down?
Spoiler alert, nothing happened.
He took me to his hotel room and I was not good.
And poor sweet guy, he felt the need to take care of me.
And not too long after, I fell asleep on the ground
and I went to the bathroom and I threw up,
fell asleep again on the bathroom ground.
I cannot believe I'm sharing this,
but I'm sharing this to make a point.
He became so concerned that he almost called an ambulance
and he didn't even know how the hell
to call a Burmese ambulance.
He just really didn't know what to do.
And I felt so horrible putting him in that situation
simply because I was a spoiled brat,
upset and taking my baggage and bad emotions
into this little date and ruining it.
He luckily wasn't too upset with me,
but he definitely didn't have a good impression of me.
Regardless of all of that, he did manage to take care of me.
Eventually I started feeling better
and I think I stayed over the night in the hotel.
Again, nothing happened.
And he did try to still get closer to me,
but because I was also still having these very bad emotions
towards this other guy I liked at the time,
I was not able to really fully live in the moment.
Not saying that you would make a mistake
as stupid and as immature, childish and irresponsible as me.
I was 24 years old when this happened.
But regardless of how old you are,
I say this from experience.
If you're in a bad mood, reschedule the date.
If you do go because of limited time,
leave your baggage at the door.
Don't come to a date angry.
And you would be surprised to know that this happens
more often than I think many of us would like to admit.
Don't give negative vibes, negative energy,
and don't give the wrong impression of yourself.
Of course, I still believe the right person will love you
and accept you and understand you,
but you still don't wanna do that.
On a similar note, this wasn't a date,
but something similar actually happened in Amsterdam
one time when I was couch surfing at this Dutch guy's home.
I was traveling over a long weekend
from France to Amsterdam.
Every now and then, I would couch surf.
And if you don't know what couch surfing is,
it's basically just an online service
that allows you to find people who will host you
in their homes for free
in whatever destination you're traveling to.
And for this specific trip, I decided to couch surf.
My friend and I had a horrible time
because this host who had not prefaced
that he had just broken up with his girlfriend
after six years of being together was in a rut.
He was in such a bad mood,
and he was really angry and screaming and crying.
And you wouldn't think that somebody hosting you
would do this.
And so this is not necessarily a first date.
This is any time that you have any other people involved.
I understand that the guy was heartbroken.
I would have been too.
But Dutch guy should not have put himself,
and also my friend and I in a situation
where there was so much negative energy
because of his not so good mood
with breaking up with his girlfriend.
So it goes both ways.
My friend and I ended up going to a hostel
somewhere in Amsterdam, super, super last minute
and on a whim, because we didn't wanna deal with that.
So watch yourself.
Dating story number two.
This next story took place in Budapest
with a guy I met from Iceland.
And the takeaway to this story is
don't feel pressured to do something
you really don't feel right doing.
Even if the sequence of events that you are experiencing
tells you that you aren't supposed to do this,
but you really don't feel like you should do this.
This was one year right at the end of summer.
I was in Budapest just for several days
exploring the city for the very first time.
I was staying at a hostel that one night
was advertising tickets to a Budapest boat party
along the Buddha river.
And I remember the ticket or the admission
to going to this boat party was expensive.
It must've been like 200 euros.
But at the time I was just wanting to live in the moment.
I just really wanted to enjoy my time in the city
and I wanted to worry about costs later,
which I'm very glad I did.
And I encourage you to do the same
whenever you travel as well.
Anyway, I almost didn't go to this boat party
because of the costs and also because honestly,
I was kind of lazy and tired that night.
I ended up biting the bullet
and buying the 200 euro ticket or whatever it was.
But I'm really glad that I went
because that is where I met this Icelandic guy.
I had never met anybody from Iceland.
So this was a very interesting experience.
I remember my friends at the time
who traveled with me in Budapest
told me that he looked like a sick chicken
because he was really, really pale
and he got red very easily.
So he looked like he was kind of sick, but he wasn't.
Anyway, to me, he was still very attractive
and he seemed really cool.
Met him at this boat party.
We had a few beers together.
And after the boat party had finished that evening,
we didn't wanna stop seeing each other yet.
So we got off this boat.
We went into Budapest.
We went into a late night pizza or langos place,
which if you don't know what langos is,
it is basically a staple of Hungary.
It is literally like a dough puff pastry.
It is so yummy.
Went to this langos place with Icelandic guy,
shared some langos.
And it was probably about one in the morning at this point.
He wanted to get a hotel.
I really liked him, but I didn't like him enough
to go back to a hotel with him.
He kept trying to convince me.
He kept saying, no, no, I got it.
I'll pay for the whole thing.
No, come on.
You know you want this, come on.
And in that moment, I felt really pressured.
I didn't know if I should continue living in the moment
just because this is how the night is supposed to go.
What you should do if you really like somebody.
He even told me, you know, in Iceland,
you have sex with someone first and then you date them.
I don't know if I have ever heard anybody else from Europe
ever say this, but I have a feeling
he was probably making that up to seduce me.
Anyway, it didn't work.
And I said no.
And he actually took the rejection pretty well,
which I will give him that.
And I think he even joined my friends and I
at the Sitchini baths.
So the very famous hot springs and baths in Budapest
the next day.
After I left Budapest though,
I had very little contact with him
and I never saw him again.
But what I do feel really, really happy about
and proud of is I stood my ground.
I was able to maintain enough respect for myself
and what I wanted in the moment when I felt pressured.
And I'm sure that there's a chance you may have been
in this situation before whether or not
you really like somebody or whether you didn't like them
at all and you had to make a decision
whether to choose yourself or to choose the moment.
I am somebody who is all about living in the moment,
but I do think it is so important to also choose yourself
when your gut instinct is telling you to choose yourself.
Always go with your gut feeling
because it's almost always right.
Another little story of this takeaway being implemented
in action is when I went to Mallorca,
which if you don't know what or where Mallorca is,
it is a Spanish Island off of the coast of Spain.
And that's where a lot of Germans and Austrians go.
Fun fact, I was in Mallorca with my guy friend from France.
We went on a trip together
and we had had a little bit of history,
but nothing really serious.
And at the time that we were in Mallorca,
there was one night when we were dancing in our Airbnb
and we were having drinks and we were having fun
and we got really, really, really close.
And something could have happened,
but I didn't let things happen
because I didn't feel in my gut that this was right.
Me being single at the time,
I really liked somebody else.
I was really into this guy in Vienna, Austria,
and I'd actually wanted to see him after this Mallorca trip,
which there's another takeaway with that.
And I will get to this in a second,
but just to stick to this part of the story,
there was a short period of time with my French guy friend
when I felt pressured to go further in the moment,
but something inside of me said,
no, you don't like him enough, don't do it.
And we didn't do it.
So keep a high enough level of self-respect
and confidence in who you are, what you are,
and what you stand for.
And if the other person is not okay with that,
then that person is not for you.
Now, going back to the Austrian guy and the takeaway there,
what's really unfortunate about this situation with him
is I never actually went to go and see him
after the Mallorca trip with my guy friend,
because literally the day or two
before I was supposed to go to Vienna after Mallorca,
he got COVID.
And this all happened back when COVID
was still really a bigger deal when it was much more serious
and you could be punished or fined
if you violated this rule.
So I remember this one or these two days
before going to Austria, he had to tell me,
I'm so sorry, I got COVID, you can't come.
I feel so horrible.
I wish there was something I could do, Mary Grace,
but I got COVID, I have to self-isolate for two weeks.
So I was of course very crushed.
I was very disappointed because during this Mallorca time,
I was just thinking of this guy in Austria
and in the end, we didn't see each other.
So if you have ever been in a situation
where something or someone didn't work out
or couldn't work out for whatever reason,
the takeaway here is everything happens truly for a reason.
And I know that that is so cliche, that is not very helpful,
but I really mean it in the truest sense.
Don't dwell on what could have been,
what would have been, what you should have done differently,
what you could have done differently,
because it doesn't make a difference to your life now
or to your future life.
As really disappointed as I was
if that situation didn't work out in my favor,
I really do think that there must have been some
bigger reason why that event never took place
or why it was never meant to take place.
And there have been times when I have wondered,
oh, well, what would have happened if I had gone to Austria?
What could have happened if I went to Austria?
I have really found myself thinking of these thoughts
and really wondering if something would have happened.
I will never know and my Austrian guy friend also
will never know.
But what I like to believe is there was a reason
why it didn't happen.
Maybe I would have gone to Austria
and maybe we would have left never speaking
to each other again.
Maybe something else would have happened
that I wouldn't have been very proud of
or that I would have really regretted.
I don't know.
But I mentioned this because I think a number of us
have been in situations where we really liked somebody
and things didn't work out the way we wanted
and we really just kick ourselves and really wonder
what we could have done differently.
But the truth is I don't believe there's anything
that you could have done differently.
Just like I couldn't have done anything differently.
In the universe, in God, whatever you believe in,
at the end of the day, if something is meant to happen,
even if it's not in that moment, it will happen.
And if it doesn't happen,
that means there's something bigger and greater,
more wholesome and valuable to you waiting
with open arms in your future.
I do, of course, wish him the best
and I do hope that he finds the perfect person for him.
Dating story number three.
This next segment actually isn't just about one person,
but it's about multiple people
that I made the same mistake with over and over again.
And I never really knew that I would be able
to stop making this mistake until I met Marco.
We have all been guilty of this.
One of the biggest lessons and takeaways
that I have learned in dating throughout my twenties,
both with Americans and with Europeans for that matter,
is do not put people on a fucking pedestal.
Don't chase people who don't chase you the same way
in return.
Don't keep giving people second, third, fifth,
10th chances to get something right
because these people will not change.
You do not deserve that
and you are worthy of so much more.
I made this mistake over and over again,
more times than I can count in nearly my entire twenties.
And there are so many examples.
When I lived in France,
there was a Belgian guy who was in Ghent.
And I've made a reel about this,
if you have seen on Instagram.
I crushed really hard on this Belgian guy
and I literally chased him to the end of the earth
from what it felt like.
And he couldn't give a flying fuck and I wouldn't give up.
I took a day trip from the North of France to Ghent,
just for one day, just to see him,
just to get him to meet me,
to have it be convenient for him to see me
and just to convince him to give me any sort of chance.
I should not have done that.
Just to be left at a freaking closed,
frozen bus station with nowhere to go
and nearly getting stranded for the night.
That was my reward for chasing somebody not worth it.
There was a French guy in the North of France
who I really had a crush on as well.
But to be honest, this was my bad.
I got a little bit too over eager.
I met him once in person and immediately
after we went our separate ways,
I texted him and I said,
to be honest, I really wanted to kiss you
after this one time of meeting you.
And understandably, he did not respond to me.
There was a Romanian guy,
which I have made an episode about him too,
who let me down over and over again,
who I kept giving multiple chances to,
who I kept chasing,
but who wasn't chasing me in the same way back.
There was a Czech guy in Prague
who this is probably the biggest one.
I crushed on and chased him for years
and I never got that same chasing back.
And those are not the only examples,
but just to keep this a little bit shorter,
that's a good handful of examples.
And if you have ever found yourself in this situation,
giving the same person chance after chance
and hoping that they will change,
hoping that they will come to their senses,
hoping that they will grow up,
hoping that one day they will just wake up
and be crazy about you and chase you back in the same way.
That is not going to happen.
And the faster you realize that,
the happier you will be.
The right person will not make you feel
like you are chasing them.
I know when I met Marco,
I didn't feel like I was chasing him.
I felt like I was being chased
in the same way that I was chasing him.
There really wasn't even chasing at all
because it just felt so natural
and it didn't feel like anything was forced.
So if you ever feel like something is forced,
there is a good chance that that probably
is not something you need to keep pursuing,
not only for your happiness,
but for your mental health, for your life,
for the limited time on earth that you have.
Use your energy and resources
in ways that are valuable to you and your wellbeing.
Another huge takeaway and lesson that I have learned
is you need to be able to be 100,000% yourself,
just the way you are around anybody you are pursuing.
And that might sound easy,
but I really do think that it is easier said than done,
especially if there are parts of yourself
that you are not so thrilled about or proud of.
If you cannot be yourself,
you are not with the right person.
I mentioned this specific lesson and takeaway
because there was this one time
when an English guy from London had a crush on me.
I unfortunately did not like him back.
So this example is kind of flipped.
Anyway, there was this English guy who liked me.
We met virtually on a pen pal website.
We would just talk back and forth on WhatsApp.
And I had no clue that he even liked me
until one day I told him something very heartbreaking
and he came out and said, I like you.
Just like the majority of English people,
he had a very sarcastic, witty sense of humor,
but he was so sarcastic and witty in a way
that I was not able to tell that he actually ever
had any hint of liking me until he said it.
And when he started expressing these feelings to me
and we started talking more, I thought he was so fun.
I thought he was so cool,
but I couldn't be myself around him.
I am not super, super witty.
I'm not super sarcastic.
I often don't get a lot of jokes and I didn't like him,
but I felt that if I was going to be with him
in whatever second world scenario,
I would not have been able to be myself.
I felt like I had to bark something witty back at him
all the time.
And I couldn't do that because that's not my personality.
And I think that when many of us really like somebody,
we can really get caught up in wanting to impress them.
We don't want them to see our flaws.
We don't want them to have any sort of negative impressions
of us.
We want them to think highly of us.
And if that means kind of altering your normal natural self,
then oftentimes we inadvertently revert to that.
I have been very guilty of this in my past,
but I can say in the end that it will not get you anywhere
far long-term.
So just do a little bit of an emotional check.
Make sure that you feel like you're being yourself.
Make sure you feel comfortable.
And again, it sounds simple,
but this is just one of those things that you really need
to be absolutely certain of if you're going to pursue
anything longer term.
Dating story number four.
So this example is actually not a European one.
And I know the point of this episode is to emphasize more
of the European examples, the European mistakes, fails,
lessons, observations, all of that.
But I'm including this example for a reason
because it has a very good takeaway that I think a lot of us
are going to be able to relate to.
And it involves an American.
The worst date I ever went on is actually a date
that I never went on.
And I know it sounds weird, but hear me out.
When I started living in the US about three years ago,
I was on dating apps.
And I met this one American guy from Florida
who spent half of his time in Atlanta
and the other half in his native Florida.
We met on hinge, we started talking
and he seemed really cool.
We would send voice messages to each other.
He had said that he had studied in Argentina
and he really loved traveling.
He really seemed awesome, at least at first.
The takeaway here is red flags are real.
Do not ignore red flags.
Don't be so trusting and too revealing too fast.
This goes back to really trusting your gut feeling.
Like I said, this guy seemed really cool.
So we planned a meetup date to go on a first date.
I remember at the time we were trying to plan
this first date, I genuinely was very busy.
I really wasn't trying to blow him off.
I had one of my cousin's weddings to attend.
I had a luncheon at my company that I had to also attend.
I also had a really important birthday
that I didn't wanna miss.
It was all literally in one week.
He really thought I was kidding, but I was not kidding.
We schedule a date and he needs to reschedule.
He says, no, I can't make it.
Okay, we reschedule.
And because of these different events
during this crazy week that I just said,
I then had to reschedule.
He had to postpone, then I had to postpone.
And then we decide on this one Saturday.
This one Saturday evening, I made the mistake
of telling this guy who I hadn't even met yet that,
oh yeah, so after our date, I'm going to go
and see one of my guy friends at his place
who I haven't seen in a long time.
We went to university together.
There is absolutely nothing between us.
And that's where his attitude
started to change a little bit.
Judging by how cool he seemed,
I didn't think this would have been a problem.
Well, I clearly didn't know him
because he was very pissed.
He got very bossy and controlling and said, no,
you're gonna go see your friend first
and then you're gonna come afterwards and see me at night.
And of course I'm thinking, this is not a good idea.
I have not met you in person yet.
He tried telling me what to do, not a good sign.
So I repeated this again and I said, no, I'm sorry.
I really can't do that.
I really wanna go see my friend.
And he wasn't taking no for an answer.
So then he started sending these angry voice messages
and said, no, you're gonna do this.
No, you're gonna do that.
And then what I wouldn't respond immediately
to those messages, he would text in this passive,
aggressive tone and would say, yo, anybody home?
Question mark, question mark, question mark.
And I just really didn't have a good feeling after this.
And then I remembered that this guy had told me
a few days before that he once had a girlfriend
who cheated on him.
And then the whole scenario started making
a whole lot more sense.
Oh, he has trust issues.
He has major trust issues.
I don't like saying bad things about people,
but I will say if he was this controlling, bossy,
fiery, angry personality who I was speaking to,
I can kind of see why.
So I just thought to myself, if this is how you are speaking
to me before even meeting me in person,
what are you gonna be like when we meet in person
and anything further happens?
The red flags were real.
I called it off immediately.
He got really, really upset and said, no,
you're the one being childish.
No, we're adults.
We can work this out.
You're the one being childish.
And it was, oh, it was so ridiculous.
So now I'm sure it makes sense when I say
that the worst date I ever went on
was one I didn't actually go on.
Trust the red flags, because they're there.
That's all for the episode today.
Like I said at the beginning,
I hope that you took at least one or two little nuggets away
and that you can relate to many of these mistakes,
fails, lessons, and takeaways from your own experiences.
Feel free to share your own experiences and thoughts
on Instagram at MaryGraceCrofford.
I wish you a wonderful week, a happy Valentine's Day,
and of course, all of the love for the rest of the year.
I look forward to being back here with you very soon
with the rebranded podcast episodes to come.
I am so grateful for your support and I thank you.
If you haven't done so already,
please go ahead and subscribe to the podcast
so that you can be notified
whenever a new episode is published.
I will see you very soon.