1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,840 There are two types of people that walk into a room. 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:07,260 One of them says, hey, there you are. 3 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:12,220 The other type of person says, hey, here I am. 4 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:17,220 And if you come across somebody who says, hey, here I am, 5 00:00:17,220 --> 00:00:20,260 you should avoid that person like the plague. 6 00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:22,760 That person is not for you. 7 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:27,760 Hello and welcome back to the Once Upon a Trip podcast. 8 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,320 My name is Mary Grace Crawford 9 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,880 and I am the host of this show. 10 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:36,120 Today's episode is going to be about dating 11 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,160 because this is Valentine's Day week. 12 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:41,080 Whether you are so over the moon, 13 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,920 la la, every single day is Valentine's love, 14 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,880 or if you couldn't give a flying fuck. 15 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,160 Whatever perspective you have on Valentine's Day, 16 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:54,000 I still believe this episode will be one of entertainment. 17 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,920 I did another episode very similar 18 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,480 to the one we're diving into today, 19 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,640 except I did Americans. 20 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,480 Well, now it's time to do the Europeans. 21 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,880 This episode will basically feature a number of mistakes, 22 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:13,880 fails, and lessons of my dating years in Europe 23 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,840 that I had before Marco. 24 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,280 To avoid this being way too long 25 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,780 and to really focus on providing value entertainment 26 00:01:22,780 --> 00:01:25,160 and probably a few laughs, 27 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:28,480 I have handpicked a few different scenarios 28 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,200 that I think you will either be able to relate to 29 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,240 from your past experience 30 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,960 or you may even be relate to this right now. 31 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,080 Even though I'm happily in a relationship now 32 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,200 and I have found my person 33 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,560 and maybe you have also found your person, 34 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:46,620 maybe you are married, 35 00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:48,440 maybe you're in a happy relationship, 36 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,840 then this episode today is going to be more 37 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,700 of a memory lane relatable past experience 38 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:55,640 type of episode, 39 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,000 but if you are single 40 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,040 and you're still looking for the right person for you, 41 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,680 I encourage you to listen to this episode 42 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,000 with an open mind and to take even just one 43 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,000 or two little nuggets away from it 44 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,360 and apply it to your own dating journey 45 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,040 in finding the right person for you 46 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,280 and not being in a rush to do so. 47 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:20,520 This is actually going to be the last solo episode 48 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:21,600 for a while. 49 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,800 And there's a very good reason for that, 50 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,480 which I'm about to get into right now. 51 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,500 If you listened to the last very short episode, 52 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:34,000 you probably have already heard me introduce this concept, 53 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,680 but I'll take just a minute right now 54 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,920 to explain it a little bit more in detail, 55 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,340 just so it's a little more clear. 56 00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:43,360 After a whole lot of thinking and contemplating, 57 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,920 I am going to be rebranding the podcast 58 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:50,720 to permanently include Marco as a co-host. 59 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,480 So future episodes going forward 60 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:57,560 are going to be under a completely different name again, 61 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,040 and are also going to be including Marco 62 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:02,400 in every single episode. 63 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,440 The focus of this podcast is shifting 64 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:09,760 in a way that we're not going to focus on travel stories 65 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:13,460 from five, six, 10 years ago in my personal life, 66 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:16,620 because honestly, it gets hard to talk about events 67 00:03:16,620 --> 00:03:18,080 that happened that long ago, 68 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:20,520 but also because I know that a number of you 69 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,000 really love Marco on the episodes, 70 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,080 as do I. 71 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,600 I really love having him as part of the current journey, 72 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,640 the life that is happening now, 73 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:32,440 and I really do enjoy comparing America 74 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,440 and Germany slash Europe in general. 75 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:39,280 So that is going to be a more permanent shift in the podcast. 76 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,080 It doesn't mean there won't be solo episodes 77 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,220 thrown in every now and then, 78 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:46,080 but I just wanted to make this clear. 79 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,360 With all of this being said, 80 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,240 enjoy the episode and the ride. 81 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,720 Here we go, dating story number one. 82 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:59,160 During COVID, I was in Asia for a very short time, 83 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,080 and specifically, I was in Myanmar 84 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:06,880 when I met this Polish guy on a bus. 85 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,960 I don't remember where I was going, 86 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,400 but I remember I was on this local bus with this Polish guy, 87 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,880 and we were completely surrounded by locals. 88 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,820 None of them spoke English. 89 00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:22,240 We also could not communicate in Burmese. 90 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:26,600 So by default, we ended up speaking to each other, 91 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,120 and we ended up hitting things off. 92 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:30,720 He was traveling alone. 93 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,440 I was also traveling alone. 94 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,280 At some point, we exchanged numbers, 95 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:37,900 and we agreed that we would meet up for a little date. 96 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:40,860 Not that same day, but the day after, 97 00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:44,320 we met each other on this random bus. 98 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,120 One full day goes by, 99 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,480 and we make plans to meet at his hotel, 100 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,160 because his hotel specifically had this rooftop bar. 101 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,840 I just thought, okay, I'll go and see Polish guy 102 00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:01,280 at his hotel, and I love rooftops, so this is a plus. 103 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:04,880 Just a few hours before going to Polish guy's hotel, 104 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,440 I decided that I was going to treat myself 105 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,360 and that I was going to get eyelash extensions, 106 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,300 which if you know me, you know that is my thing. 107 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:15,520 But for some reason, that day, 108 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,640 I don't know if it was just bad luck 109 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:22,240 or if Myanmar just operates on a slower schedule, 110 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:26,480 but it took five hours to get my eyelashes done 111 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,000 when it really should have just taken two. 112 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,820 I was getting very impatient and frustrated. 113 00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:35,640 At the same time, there was this Turkish guy in Istanbul 114 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,320 who I liked, but we weren't together, 115 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,420 which that is a long complicated story in itself. 116 00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,560 But anyway, earlier that same day, 117 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,640 I think we had also gotten into a fight. 118 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,260 So needless to say, I was in a bad mood, 119 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:51,400 but I still had this plan of seeing 120 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,560 this attractive Polish guy 121 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,060 who I met on the bus the day before. 122 00:05:56,060 --> 00:06:00,580 And this is where I'm going to share takeaway number one 123 00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:02,660 when it comes to dating. 124 00:06:02,660 --> 00:06:07,120 Do not bring baggage to a date. 125 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,840 Do not let your bad mood, your bad emotions, 126 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,820 maybe you had a bad day at work, 127 00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:14,280 maybe you're really stressed out, 128 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,340 maybe your family is making you really upset, 129 00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:21,240 whatever the reason is, do not bring that to your date 130 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,620 because things will not go well. 131 00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:28,120 And I say this now because this night did not go well 132 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,520 because I did that. 133 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,240 I went to the Polish guy's hotel, we went to the rooftop, 134 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,040 I was pissed because first world problems, 135 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,280 my eyelash appointment took way too long, 136 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,800 and I was emotionally a mess 137 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,240 because of this Turkish guy messing with my emotions 138 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:46,840 back in Istanbul, and I drank way too much. 139 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,440 I wanted a glass of red wine at the bar. 140 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,640 I got my red glass of wine at the bar. 141 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,320 I talked a lot with Polish guy, had a good time, 142 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,400 but I took it too far. 143 00:06:56,400 --> 00:07:01,400 I had one, two, three, five, six glasses of wine. 144 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,960 And if you don't know me, I cannot take a lot of alcohol. 145 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,440 I am pretty lightweight. 146 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,440 It doesn't take too much for me to get drunk. 147 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,960 Well, I definitely was drunk 148 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,480 and I made a fucking fool of myself. 149 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,680 I don't know why Polish guy didn't stop me 150 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,260 from drinking six glasses of wine. 151 00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:24,760 It's not his fault, it's not his responsibility. 152 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,840 He didn't know me, and I gave him 153 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,120 a really, really bad impression. 154 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:33,400 After six glasses of wine, I stumbled out of my stool, 155 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:34,840 and at first he didn't notice 156 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,960 that I was really actually that drunk. 157 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:41,960 So he said, okay, my hotel room is very close by. 158 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:44,480 How about you sit down? 159 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,560 Spoiler alert, nothing happened. 160 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,700 He took me to his hotel room and I was not good. 161 00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:55,120 And poor sweet guy, he felt the need to take care of me. 162 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:59,440 And not too long after, I fell asleep on the ground 163 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,320 and I went to the bathroom and I threw up, 164 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,560 fell asleep again on the bathroom ground. 165 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,320 I cannot believe I'm sharing this, 166 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,560 but I'm sharing this to make a point. 167 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:13,460 He became so concerned that he almost called an ambulance 168 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,500 and he didn't even know how the hell 169 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,920 to call a Burmese ambulance. 170 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,800 He just really didn't know what to do. 171 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:23,200 And I felt so horrible putting him in that situation 172 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,480 simply because I was a spoiled brat, 173 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,080 upset and taking my baggage and bad emotions 174 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,000 into this little date and ruining it. 175 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,660 He luckily wasn't too upset with me, 176 00:08:34,660 --> 00:08:37,960 but he definitely didn't have a good impression of me. 177 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,920 Regardless of all of that, he did manage to take care of me. 178 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,280 Eventually I started feeling better 179 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,080 and I think I stayed over the night in the hotel. 180 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,400 Again, nothing happened. 181 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,320 And he did try to still get closer to me, 182 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,420 but because I was also still having these very bad emotions 183 00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:58,480 towards this other guy I liked at the time, 184 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,520 I was not able to really fully live in the moment. 185 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,360 Not saying that you would make a mistake 186 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:08,360 as stupid and as immature, childish and irresponsible as me. 187 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,440 I was 24 years old when this happened. 188 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,320 But regardless of how old you are, 189 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,960 I say this from experience. 190 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:20,200 If you're in a bad mood, reschedule the date. 191 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,780 If you do go because of limited time, 192 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,720 leave your baggage at the door. 193 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:28,960 Don't come to a date angry. 194 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:32,340 And you would be surprised to know that this happens 195 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:36,000 more often than I think many of us would like to admit. 196 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,720 Don't give negative vibes, negative energy, 197 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:41,440 and don't give the wrong impression of yourself. 198 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:45,240 Of course, I still believe the right person will love you 199 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,340 and accept you and understand you, 200 00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:48,680 but you still don't wanna do that. 201 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:51,080 On a similar note, this wasn't a date, 202 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,480 but something similar actually happened in Amsterdam 203 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:59,040 one time when I was couch surfing at this Dutch guy's home. 204 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,720 I was traveling over a long weekend 205 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,840 from France to Amsterdam. 206 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:06,000 Every now and then, I would couch surf. 207 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,880 And if you don't know what couch surfing is, 208 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,680 it's basically just an online service 209 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,740 that allows you to find people who will host you 210 00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:15,560 in their homes for free 211 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:18,480 in whatever destination you're traveling to. 212 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,560 And for this specific trip, I decided to couch surf. 213 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,920 My friend and I had a horrible time 214 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:27,300 because this host who had not prefaced 215 00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:30,360 that he had just broken up with his girlfriend 216 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,240 after six years of being together was in a rut. 217 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,680 He was in such a bad mood, 218 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:39,480 and he was really angry and screaming and crying. 219 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,920 And you wouldn't think that somebody hosting you 220 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,080 would do this. 221 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,600 And so this is not necessarily a first date. 222 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:51,080 This is any time that you have any other people involved. 223 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,440 I understand that the guy was heartbroken. 224 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:54,840 I would have been too. 225 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,920 But Dutch guy should not have put himself, 226 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:01,960 and also my friend and I in a situation 227 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,040 where there was so much negative energy 228 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,560 because of his not so good mood 229 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,920 with breaking up with his girlfriend. 230 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:11,400 So it goes both ways. 231 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,440 My friend and I ended up going to a hostel 232 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:18,260 somewhere in Amsterdam, super, super last minute 233 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,000 and on a whim, because we didn't wanna deal with that. 234 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,620 So watch yourself. 235 00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:24,500 Dating story number two. 236 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,560 This next story took place in Budapest 237 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,160 with a guy I met from Iceland. 238 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,680 And the takeaway to this story is 239 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,940 don't feel pressured to do something 240 00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:37,200 you really don't feel right doing. 241 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:41,440 Even if the sequence of events that you are experiencing 242 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,700 tells you that you aren't supposed to do this, 243 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:48,840 but you really don't feel like you should do this. 244 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,760 This was one year right at the end of summer. 245 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:54,040 I was in Budapest just for several days 246 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:56,960 exploring the city for the very first time. 247 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,840 I was staying at a hostel that one night 248 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:04,080 was advertising tickets to a Budapest boat party 249 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,000 along the Buddha river. 250 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,440 And I remember the ticket or the admission 251 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,480 to going to this boat party was expensive. 252 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,920 It must've been like 200 euros. 253 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,520 But at the time I was just wanting to live in the moment. 254 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,480 I just really wanted to enjoy my time in the city 255 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,160 and I wanted to worry about costs later, 256 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,920 which I'm very glad I did. 257 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,520 And I encourage you to do the same 258 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,120 whenever you travel as well. 259 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:32,000 Anyway, I almost didn't go to this boat party 260 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,760 because of the costs and also because honestly, 261 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:38,120 I was kind of lazy and tired that night. 262 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,520 I ended up biting the bullet 263 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:43,880 and buying the 200 euro ticket or whatever it was. 264 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,400 But I'm really glad that I went 265 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,480 because that is where I met this Icelandic guy. 266 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,640 I had never met anybody from Iceland. 267 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,080 So this was a very interesting experience. 268 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,680 I remember my friends at the time 269 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,800 who traveled with me in Budapest 270 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,920 told me that he looked like a sick chicken 271 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,080 because he was really, really pale 272 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,480 and he got red very easily. 273 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,720 So he looked like he was kind of sick, but he wasn't. 274 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,280 Anyway, to me, he was still very attractive 275 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,640 and he seemed really cool. 276 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:14,960 Met him at this boat party. 277 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,960 We had a few beers together. 278 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,000 And after the boat party had finished that evening, 279 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,200 we didn't wanna stop seeing each other yet. 280 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,720 So we got off this boat. 281 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,480 We went into Budapest. 282 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:30,360 We went into a late night pizza or langos place, 283 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,560 which if you don't know what langos is, 284 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,760 it is basically a staple of Hungary. 285 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,000 It is literally like a dough puff pastry. 286 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,040 It is so yummy. 287 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:43,280 Went to this langos place with Icelandic guy, 288 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,920 shared some langos. 289 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:48,000 And it was probably about one in the morning at this point. 290 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,920 He wanted to get a hotel. 291 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,880 I really liked him, but I didn't like him enough 292 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,960 to go back to a hotel with him. 293 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,840 He kept trying to convince me. 294 00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,880 He kept saying, no, no, I got it. 295 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,240 I'll pay for the whole thing. 296 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,280 No, come on. 297 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,640 You know you want this, come on. 298 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,000 And in that moment, I felt really pressured. 299 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,600 I didn't know if I should continue living in the moment 300 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,480 just because this is how the night is supposed to go. 301 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:18,160 What you should do if you really like somebody. 302 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,360 He even told me, you know, in Iceland, 303 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:25,000 you have sex with someone first and then you date them. 304 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,840 I don't know if I have ever heard anybody else from Europe 305 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,960 ever say this, but I have a feeling 306 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,360 he was probably making that up to seduce me. 307 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:36,720 Anyway, it didn't work. 308 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,000 And I said no. 309 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,080 And he actually took the rejection pretty well, 310 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,920 which I will give him that. 311 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,840 And I think he even joined my friends and I 312 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,840 at the Sitchini baths. 313 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:52,400 So the very famous hot springs and baths in Budapest 314 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:53,440 the next day. 315 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,160 After I left Budapest though, 316 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,320 I had very little contact with him 317 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,960 and I never saw him again. 318 00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,680 But what I do feel really, really happy about 319 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,800 and proud of is I stood my ground. 320 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,680 I was able to maintain enough respect for myself 321 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:14,280 and what I wanted in the moment when I felt pressured. 322 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,480 And I'm sure that there's a chance you may have been 323 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,800 in this situation before whether or not 324 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,800 you really like somebody or whether you didn't like them 325 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,320 at all and you had to make a decision 326 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:30,640 whether to choose yourself or to choose the moment. 327 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,800 I am somebody who is all about living in the moment, 328 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,680 but I do think it is so important to also choose yourself 329 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:42,160 when your gut instinct is telling you to choose yourself. 330 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,680 Always go with your gut feeling 331 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,840 because it's almost always right. 332 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:53,840 Another little story of this takeaway being implemented 333 00:15:53,980 --> 00:15:57,220 in action is when I went to Mallorca, 334 00:15:57,220 --> 00:16:01,360 which if you don't know what or where Mallorca is, 335 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,680 it is a Spanish Island off of the coast of Spain. 336 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,300 And that's where a lot of Germans and Austrians go. 337 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,920 Fun fact, I was in Mallorca with my guy friend from France. 338 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,640 We went on a trip together 339 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,740 and we had had a little bit of history, 340 00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:17,840 but nothing really serious. 341 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,020 And at the time that we were in Mallorca, 342 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:24,080 there was one night when we were dancing in our Airbnb 343 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,640 and we were having drinks and we were having fun 344 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,680 and we got really, really, really close. 345 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,340 And something could have happened, 346 00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:34,840 but I didn't let things happen 347 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:38,480 because I didn't feel in my gut that this was right. 348 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,380 Me being single at the time, 349 00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:43,800 I really liked somebody else. 350 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:47,440 I was really into this guy in Vienna, Austria, 351 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,580 and I'd actually wanted to see him after this Mallorca trip, 352 00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:52,680 which there's another takeaway with that. 353 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,300 And I will get to this in a second, 354 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,760 but just to stick to this part of the story, 355 00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,560 there was a short period of time with my French guy friend 356 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,960 when I felt pressured to go further in the moment, 357 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,520 but something inside of me said, 358 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:10,680 no, you don't like him enough, don't do it. 359 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,080 And we didn't do it. 360 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:15,620 So keep a high enough level of self-respect 361 00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:19,040 and confidence in who you are, what you are, 362 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,520 and what you stand for. 363 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:24,120 And if the other person is not okay with that, 364 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:27,660 then that person is not for you. 365 00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:32,600 Now, going back to the Austrian guy and the takeaway there, 366 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,720 what's really unfortunate about this situation with him 367 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,800 is I never actually went to go and see him 368 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:43,040 after the Mallorca trip with my guy friend, 369 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,900 because literally the day or two 370 00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:49,720 before I was supposed to go to Vienna after Mallorca, 371 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,040 he got COVID. 372 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,360 And this all happened back when COVID 373 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,720 was still really a bigger deal when it was much more serious 374 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,840 and you could be punished or fined 375 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,840 if you violated this rule. 376 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:05,160 So I remember this one or these two days 377 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,960 before going to Austria, he had to tell me, 378 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:13,960 I'm so sorry, I got COVID, you can't come. 379 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,240 I feel so horrible. 380 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,040 I wish there was something I could do, Mary Grace, 381 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:24,320 but I got COVID, I have to self-isolate for two weeks. 382 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,540 So I was of course very crushed. 383 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,980 I was very disappointed because during this Mallorca time, 384 00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:33,960 I was just thinking of this guy in Austria 385 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,320 and in the end, we didn't see each other. 386 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,400 So if you have ever been in a situation 387 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:43,380 where something or someone didn't work out 388 00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:46,120 or couldn't work out for whatever reason, 389 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:51,120 the takeaway here is everything happens truly for a reason. 390 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,080 And I know that that is so cliche, that is not very helpful, 391 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,240 but I really mean it in the truest sense. 392 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,080 Don't dwell on what could have been, 393 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,080 what would have been, what you should have done differently, 394 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,000 what you could have done differently, 395 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,900 because it doesn't make a difference to your life now 396 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:10,880 or to your future life. 397 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,480 As really disappointed as I was 398 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,560 if that situation didn't work out in my favor, 399 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,000 I really do think that there must have been some 400 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:26,500 bigger reason why that event never took place 401 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,800 or why it was never meant to take place. 402 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,840 And there have been times when I have wondered, 403 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:36,840 oh, well, what would have happened if I had gone to Austria? 404 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,520 What could have happened if I went to Austria? 405 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,760 I have really found myself thinking of these thoughts 406 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:48,760 and really wondering if something would have happened. 407 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:53,960 I will never know and my Austrian guy friend also 408 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,620 will never know. 409 00:19:55,620 --> 00:19:58,960 But what I like to believe is there was a reason 410 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,360 why it didn't happen. 411 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,440 Maybe I would have gone to Austria 412 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,360 and maybe we would have left never speaking 413 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:06,400 to each other again. 414 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,160 Maybe something else would have happened 415 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,000 that I wouldn't have been very proud of 416 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,400 or that I would have really regretted. 417 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,440 I don't know. 418 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,000 But I mentioned this because I think a number of us 419 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,160 have been in situations where we really liked somebody 420 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,320 and things didn't work out the way we wanted 421 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,880 and we really just kick ourselves and really wonder 422 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,760 what we could have done differently. 423 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,540 But the truth is I don't believe there's anything 424 00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:32,560 that you could have done differently. 425 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,700 Just like I couldn't have done anything differently. 426 00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:39,360 In the universe, in God, whatever you believe in, 427 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:43,600 at the end of the day, if something is meant to happen, 428 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,760 even if it's not in that moment, it will happen. 429 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,600 And if it doesn't happen, 430 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,340 that means there's something bigger and greater, 431 00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:56,400 more wholesome and valuable to you waiting 432 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,760 with open arms in your future. 433 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,720 I do, of course, wish him the best 434 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,160 and I do hope that he finds the perfect person for him. 435 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:06,960 Dating story number three. 436 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,520 This next segment actually isn't just about one person, 437 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,640 but it's about multiple people 438 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:17,640 that I made the same mistake with over and over again. 439 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,400 And I never really knew that I would be able 440 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:25,200 to stop making this mistake until I met Marco. 441 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,300 We have all been guilty of this. 442 00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:31,760 One of the biggest lessons and takeaways 443 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:36,280 that I have learned in dating throughout my twenties, 444 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:40,140 both with Americans and with Europeans for that matter, 445 00:21:40,140 --> 00:21:44,720 is do not put people on a fucking pedestal. 446 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:49,560 Don't chase people who don't chase you the same way 447 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,120 in return. 448 00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:55,720 Don't keep giving people second, third, fifth, 449 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,040 10th chances to get something right 450 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,880 because these people will not change. 451 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,080 You do not deserve that 452 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:08,480 and you are worthy of so much more. 453 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,760 I made this mistake over and over again, 454 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:17,240 more times than I can count in nearly my entire twenties. 455 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,600 And there are so many examples. 456 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,080 When I lived in France, 457 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,880 there was a Belgian guy who was in Ghent. 458 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,360 And I've made a reel about this, 459 00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:27,080 if you have seen on Instagram. 460 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,200 I crushed really hard on this Belgian guy 461 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,700 and I literally chased him to the end of the earth 462 00:22:33,700 --> 00:22:35,200 from what it felt like. 463 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,680 And he couldn't give a flying fuck and I wouldn't give up. 464 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:43,080 I took a day trip from the North of France to Ghent, 465 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,900 just for one day, just to see him, 466 00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:47,640 just to get him to meet me, 467 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,000 to have it be convenient for him to see me 468 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,640 and just to convince him to give me any sort of chance. 469 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,180 I should not have done that. 470 00:22:55,180 --> 00:22:58,720 Just to be left at a freaking closed, 471 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:02,800 frozen bus station with nowhere to go 472 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:05,120 and nearly getting stranded for the night. 473 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:08,340 That was my reward for chasing somebody not worth it. 474 00:23:08,340 --> 00:23:10,720 There was a French guy in the North of France 475 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:13,960 who I really had a crush on as well. 476 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,500 But to be honest, this was my bad. 477 00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:19,000 I got a little bit too over eager. 478 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,520 I met him once in person and immediately 479 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:24,880 after we went our separate ways, 480 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,920 I texted him and I said, 481 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,840 to be honest, I really wanted to kiss you 482 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:32,640 after this one time of meeting you. 483 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,400 And understandably, he did not respond to me. 484 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:36,880 There was a Romanian guy, 485 00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,320 which I have made an episode about him too, 486 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:43,060 who let me down over and over again, 487 00:23:43,060 --> 00:23:45,400 who I kept giving multiple chances to, 488 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:46,960 who I kept chasing, 489 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,960 but who wasn't chasing me in the same way back. 490 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,200 There was a Czech guy in Prague 491 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,080 who this is probably the biggest one. 492 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,760 I crushed on and chased him for years 493 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:02,380 and I never got that same chasing back. 494 00:24:02,380 --> 00:24:04,040 And those are not the only examples, 495 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,720 but just to keep this a little bit shorter, 496 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,680 that's a good handful of examples. 497 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,240 And if you have ever found yourself in this situation, 498 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,600 giving the same person chance after chance 499 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,540 and hoping that they will change, 500 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:19,680 hoping that they will come to their senses, 501 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,480 hoping that they will grow up, 502 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,560 hoping that one day they will just wake up 503 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:29,280 and be crazy about you and chase you back in the same way. 504 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,120 That is not going to happen. 505 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,840 And the faster you realize that, 506 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,280 the happier you will be. 507 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,900 The right person will not make you feel 508 00:24:39,900 --> 00:24:41,500 like you are chasing them. 509 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:43,160 I know when I met Marco, 510 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,480 I didn't feel like I was chasing him. 511 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,600 I felt like I was being chased 512 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:51,320 in the same way that I was chasing him. 513 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,880 There really wasn't even chasing at all 514 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,160 because it just felt so natural 515 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,940 and it didn't feel like anything was forced. 516 00:24:58,940 --> 00:25:02,520 So if you ever feel like something is forced, 517 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,320 there is a good chance that that probably 518 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,200 is not something you need to keep pursuing, 519 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:09,980 not only for your happiness, 520 00:25:09,980 --> 00:25:13,160 but for your mental health, for your life, 521 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,320 for the limited time on earth that you have. 522 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:18,960 Use your energy and resources 523 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:23,240 in ways that are valuable to you and your wellbeing. 524 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:27,800 Another huge takeaway and lesson that I have learned 525 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:32,800 is you need to be able to be 100,000% yourself, 526 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,880 just the way you are around anybody you are pursuing. 527 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,640 And that might sound easy, 528 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,020 but I really do think that it is easier said than done, 529 00:25:44,020 --> 00:25:47,000 especially if there are parts of yourself 530 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:51,280 that you are not so thrilled about or proud of. 531 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,720 If you cannot be yourself, 532 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,660 you are not with the right person. 533 00:25:55,660 --> 00:25:58,440 I mentioned this specific lesson and takeaway 534 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,160 because there was this one time 535 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:05,000 when an English guy from London had a crush on me. 536 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,120 I unfortunately did not like him back. 537 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,120 So this example is kind of flipped. 538 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:12,120 Anyway, there was this English guy who liked me. 539 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:14,840 We met virtually on a pen pal website. 540 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:18,040 We would just talk back and forth on WhatsApp. 541 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,840 And I had no clue that he even liked me 542 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:24,760 until one day I told him something very heartbreaking 543 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,700 and he came out and said, I like you. 544 00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:30,880 Just like the majority of English people, 545 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:35,880 he had a very sarcastic, witty sense of humor, 546 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:39,340 but he was so sarcastic and witty in a way 547 00:26:39,340 --> 00:26:42,820 that I was not able to tell that he actually ever 548 00:26:42,820 --> 00:26:45,700 had any hint of liking me until he said it. 549 00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:48,020 And when he started expressing these feelings to me 550 00:26:48,020 --> 00:26:51,860 and we started talking more, I thought he was so fun. 551 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:53,560 I thought he was so cool, 552 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,740 but I couldn't be myself around him. 553 00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:58,900 I am not super, super witty. 554 00:26:58,900 --> 00:27:00,620 I'm not super sarcastic. 555 00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:04,260 I often don't get a lot of jokes and I didn't like him, 556 00:27:04,260 --> 00:27:07,320 but I felt that if I was going to be with him 557 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,820 in whatever second world scenario, 558 00:27:09,820 --> 00:27:13,400 I would not have been able to be myself. 559 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,720 I felt like I had to bark something witty back at him 560 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:17,700 all the time. 561 00:27:17,700 --> 00:27:20,860 And I couldn't do that because that's not my personality. 562 00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:23,780 And I think that when many of us really like somebody, 563 00:27:23,780 --> 00:27:27,460 we can really get caught up in wanting to impress them. 564 00:27:27,460 --> 00:27:30,340 We don't want them to see our flaws. 565 00:27:30,340 --> 00:27:33,660 We don't want them to have any sort of negative impressions 566 00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:34,500 of us. 567 00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:36,500 We want them to think highly of us. 568 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:41,500 And if that means kind of altering your normal natural self, 569 00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:45,460 then oftentimes we inadvertently revert to that. 570 00:27:45,460 --> 00:27:48,740 I have been very guilty of this in my past, 571 00:27:48,740 --> 00:27:52,100 but I can say in the end that it will not get you anywhere 572 00:27:52,100 --> 00:27:53,700 far long-term. 573 00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:56,900 So just do a little bit of an emotional check. 574 00:27:56,900 --> 00:28:00,000 Make sure that you feel like you're being yourself. 575 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:01,740 Make sure you feel comfortable. 576 00:28:01,740 --> 00:28:04,280 And again, it sounds simple, 577 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,860 but this is just one of those things that you really need 578 00:28:06,860 --> 00:28:10,420 to be absolutely certain of if you're going to pursue 579 00:28:10,420 --> 00:28:12,380 anything longer term. 580 00:28:12,380 --> 00:28:14,000 Dating story number four. 581 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:18,440 So this example is actually not a European one. 582 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:21,940 And I know the point of this episode is to emphasize more 583 00:28:21,940 --> 00:28:25,700 of the European examples, the European mistakes, fails, 584 00:28:25,700 --> 00:28:28,020 lessons, observations, all of that. 585 00:28:28,020 --> 00:28:30,320 But I'm including this example for a reason 586 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,940 because it has a very good takeaway that I think a lot of us 587 00:28:33,940 --> 00:28:36,500 are going to be able to relate to. 588 00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:37,860 And it involves an American. 589 00:28:37,860 --> 00:28:42,860 The worst date I ever went on is actually a date 590 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:45,940 that I never went on. 591 00:28:45,940 --> 00:28:49,600 And I know it sounds weird, but hear me out. 592 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,900 When I started living in the US about three years ago, 593 00:28:52,900 --> 00:28:54,540 I was on dating apps. 594 00:28:54,540 --> 00:28:58,560 And I met this one American guy from Florida 595 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,580 who spent half of his time in Atlanta 596 00:29:01,580 --> 00:29:04,660 and the other half in his native Florida. 597 00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:07,660 We met on hinge, we started talking 598 00:29:07,660 --> 00:29:09,620 and he seemed really cool. 599 00:29:09,620 --> 00:29:11,980 We would send voice messages to each other. 600 00:29:11,980 --> 00:29:14,780 He had said that he had studied in Argentina 601 00:29:14,780 --> 00:29:16,740 and he really loved traveling. 602 00:29:16,740 --> 00:29:20,740 He really seemed awesome, at least at first. 603 00:29:20,740 --> 00:29:25,320 The takeaway here is red flags are real. 604 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,140 Do not ignore red flags. 605 00:29:28,140 --> 00:29:33,140 Don't be so trusting and too revealing too fast. 606 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,740 This goes back to really trusting your gut feeling. 607 00:29:36,740 --> 00:29:40,540 Like I said, this guy seemed really cool. 608 00:29:40,540 --> 00:29:44,800 So we planned a meetup date to go on a first date. 609 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,500 I remember at the time we were trying to plan 610 00:29:47,500 --> 00:29:52,220 this first date, I genuinely was very busy. 611 00:29:52,220 --> 00:29:55,040 I really wasn't trying to blow him off. 612 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,620 I had one of my cousin's weddings to attend. 613 00:29:57,620 --> 00:30:02,340 I had a luncheon at my company that I had to also attend. 614 00:30:02,340 --> 00:30:04,460 I also had a really important birthday 615 00:30:04,460 --> 00:30:05,500 that I didn't wanna miss. 616 00:30:05,500 --> 00:30:07,820 It was all literally in one week. 617 00:30:07,820 --> 00:30:10,580 He really thought I was kidding, but I was not kidding. 618 00:30:10,580 --> 00:30:15,020 We schedule a date and he needs to reschedule. 619 00:30:15,020 --> 00:30:17,060 He says, no, I can't make it. 620 00:30:17,060 --> 00:30:19,500 Okay, we reschedule. 621 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,660 And because of these different events 622 00:30:21,660 --> 00:30:24,300 during this crazy week that I just said, 623 00:30:24,300 --> 00:30:26,500 I then had to reschedule. 624 00:30:26,500 --> 00:30:29,700 He had to postpone, then I had to postpone. 625 00:30:29,700 --> 00:30:34,140 And then we decide on this one Saturday. 626 00:30:34,140 --> 00:30:37,700 This one Saturday evening, I made the mistake 627 00:30:37,700 --> 00:30:42,620 of telling this guy who I hadn't even met yet that, 628 00:30:42,620 --> 00:30:45,900 oh yeah, so after our date, I'm going to go 629 00:30:45,900 --> 00:30:49,300 and see one of my guy friends at his place 630 00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:51,700 who I haven't seen in a long time. 631 00:30:51,700 --> 00:30:53,880 We went to university together. 632 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,680 There is absolutely nothing between us. 633 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,120 And that's where his attitude 634 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,740 started to change a little bit. 635 00:31:00,740 --> 00:31:03,000 Judging by how cool he seemed, 636 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,840 I didn't think this would have been a problem. 637 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,820 Well, I clearly didn't know him 638 00:31:07,820 --> 00:31:09,300 because he was very pissed. 639 00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:14,300 He got very bossy and controlling and said, no, 640 00:31:14,780 --> 00:31:16,780 you're gonna go see your friend first 641 00:31:16,780 --> 00:31:20,540 and then you're gonna come afterwards and see me at night. 642 00:31:20,540 --> 00:31:25,480 And of course I'm thinking, this is not a good idea. 643 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:28,080 I have not met you in person yet. 644 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,440 He tried telling me what to do, not a good sign. 645 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:36,160 So I repeated this again and I said, no, I'm sorry. 646 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:37,720 I really can't do that. 647 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,800 I really wanna go see my friend. 648 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,160 And he wasn't taking no for an answer. 649 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:45,320 So then he started sending these angry voice messages 650 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,420 and said, no, you're gonna do this. 651 00:31:47,420 --> 00:31:48,480 No, you're gonna do that. 652 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,400 And then what I wouldn't respond immediately 653 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,400 to those messages, he would text in this passive, 654 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:58,160 aggressive tone and would say, yo, anybody home? 655 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,800 Question mark, question mark, question mark. 656 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:05,160 And I just really didn't have a good feeling after this. 657 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,800 And then I remembered that this guy had told me 658 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,040 a few days before that he once had a girlfriend 659 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:12,560 who cheated on him. 660 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,440 And then the whole scenario started making 661 00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,040 a whole lot more sense. 662 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,400 Oh, he has trust issues. 663 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,080 He has major trust issues. 664 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:25,280 I don't like saying bad things about people, 665 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:30,280 but I will say if he was this controlling, bossy, 666 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:35,960 fiery, angry personality who I was speaking to, 667 00:32:37,220 --> 00:32:39,080 I can kind of see why. 668 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:43,020 So I just thought to myself, if this is how you are speaking 669 00:32:43,020 --> 00:32:46,680 to me before even meeting me in person, 670 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,680 what are you gonna be like when we meet in person 671 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,880 and anything further happens? 672 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:55,720 The red flags were real. 673 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,400 I called it off immediately. 674 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:01,080 He got really, really upset and said, no, 675 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:02,960 you're the one being childish. 676 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,240 No, we're adults. 677 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:05,200 We can work this out. 678 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,840 You're the one being childish. 679 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,280 And it was, oh, it was so ridiculous. 680 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,840 So now I'm sure it makes sense when I say 681 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,240 that the worst date I ever went on 682 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,640 was one I didn't actually go on. 683 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:21,100 Trust the red flags, because they're there. 684 00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:23,620 That's all for the episode today. 685 00:33:23,620 --> 00:33:25,120 Like I said at the beginning, 686 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:29,480 I hope that you took at least one or two little nuggets away 687 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,380 and that you can relate to many of these mistakes, 688 00:33:32,380 --> 00:33:36,160 fails, lessons, and takeaways from your own experiences. 689 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,180 Feel free to share your own experiences and thoughts 690 00:33:39,180 --> 00:33:42,400 on Instagram at MaryGraceCrofford. 691 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:46,080 I wish you a wonderful week, a happy Valentine's Day, 692 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:49,240 and of course, all of the love for the rest of the year. 693 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,320 I look forward to being back here with you very soon 694 00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:56,040 with the rebranded podcast episodes to come. 695 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,120 I am so grateful for your support and I thank you. 696 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,960 If you haven't done so already, 697 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:04,320 please go ahead and subscribe to the podcast 698 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:05,800 so that you can be notified 699 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,440 whenever a new episode is published. 700 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:13,440 I will see you very soon.