1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,900 Welcome to the Once Upon a Trip podcast, 2 00:00:02,900 --> 00:00:05,040 where we dive deep into sharing everything 3 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,840 crazy travel stories, dating adventures, 4 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:11,440 culture fusions, and plenty of takeaways 5 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:15,780 to entertain and feed your inner curiosity and travel bug. 6 00:00:15,780 --> 00:00:18,120 I'm your host, Mary Grace Crawford, 7 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,960 travel enthusiast, content creator, 8 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,920 ex-digital nomad, avid storyteller, 9 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,600 and lover of all things Europe, 10 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,600 based now in Atlanta, Georgia. 11 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:37,000 Today's episode is a kickoff to the December holiday season, 12 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:41,140 and what better way to do this kickoff of this new month 13 00:00:41,140 --> 00:00:45,280 than to dive deep into a friendship breakup story of mine 14 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,380 that happened on my December trip 15 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:51,680 to Seattle and Washington state nearly two years ago now, 16 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:55,360 to the day, with someone I was virtual friends with 17 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,520 for eight years. 18 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,960 I actually filmed a video on this very story 19 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,640 that I never ended up publishing anywhere. 20 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:08,100 So today's episode is going to be more or less 21 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:12,100 a refined, updated audio version 22 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,840 that I believe you will get a kick out of 23 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:18,080 and perhaps even be able to relate to. 24 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,480 Friendships and friendship breakups, 25 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,480 like relationships and relationship breakups, 26 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:26,060 are all part of our lives, and we all go through 27 00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:29,720 at least one somewhat substantial friendship breakup 28 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:30,860 at some point. 29 00:01:30,860 --> 00:01:34,460 This Seattle story that we're going to be diving deeper into 30 00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:38,060 today is mine and is one of the rare moments 31 00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:43,240 that an aggressive, assertive, confrontational Mary Grace 32 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,400 came out, which, if you know me, 33 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,680 you know that I am none of these things normally, 34 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,580 if like ever. 35 00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:54,340 I went to Seattle, Washington with someone 36 00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:58,280 I presumptuously thought was a good friend, 37 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,580 and six days later, at the end of that trip, 38 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:04,720 I came back to Georgia without that friend 39 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:07,420 because I ended this friendship. 40 00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:10,660 I will go ahead and say that I definitely made 41 00:02:10,660 --> 00:02:14,500 my own fair share of wrongful assumptions and mistakes 42 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:18,240 that put myself in a number of these awkward situations 43 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,980 that you're going to be hearing with this friend 44 00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:24,080 who I'm going to be referring to as Arthur. 45 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,240 Name changed. 46 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:27,640 I look back now a couple of years later 47 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:31,280 on this entire Seattle story and series of events 48 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:35,160 that could have been prevented had I not been so naive, 49 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:39,460 and I do feel sorry that things happen the way that they did, 50 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,160 but these sorts of valuable lessons 51 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:45,020 are what make our lives that much more wise and meaningful. 52 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:46,900 I hope that you take some lessons away 53 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,240 from today's episode and story, 54 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,600 and that you don't repeat some of these mistakes 55 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,680 that I made with any online friends that you may have, 56 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:59,680 or even a friend who you've kept in touch with virtually 57 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,740 for a long time and haven't actually seen in person 58 00:03:03,740 --> 00:03:05,480 for a good minute. 59 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,260 Let's go ahead and jump into this Seattle story 60 00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:11,960 with all sorts of mistakes, awkward moments, 61 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:16,100 and ultimately dive deeper into why leaving behind 62 00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,440 and moving on from this specific friendship 63 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:23,100 turned out being the right course of action to take. 64 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:27,580 In December of 2022, I took a six-day trip 65 00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:31,480 to Washington State to finally see Seattle, 66 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,640 gorgeous nature in Washington State 67 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,140 during the start of the Christmas season, 68 00:03:36,140 --> 00:03:38,680 and to visit my friend Arthur, 69 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,520 who lived with his parents in the nearby suburb of Bothell, 70 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,820 right outside of Seattle. 71 00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:47,600 The first day that I arrived, Arthur, 72 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,420 or I should say Arthur's mom, 73 00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:53,360 picked me up by car from the Seattle airport, 74 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,800 and Arthur just rode along in the car 75 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,540 because at the time he didn't have a driver's license 76 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,440 and couldn't drive, 77 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:06,120 therefore couldn't pick me up by himself at the airport. 78 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,320 This is one of the many annoying little things 79 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,460 that will come up again as we go through this episode, 80 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:15,020 and you'll later understand why. 81 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,500 When we got to Arthur's family home, 82 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:18,920 we stayed in their apartment, 83 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:22,060 and he and his family were kind and generous 84 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,460 to go and pick up lunch takeout 85 00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:27,840 from a local Asian place that was really delicious. 86 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,160 We ate our lunch together at home, 87 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:34,580 and afterwards, Arthur and I spent the entire first day 88 00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:36,940 indoors, and we did some fun 89 00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:39,220 and festive Christmas activities together, 90 00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:43,140 since this was right at the beginning of December. 91 00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,920 We built a couple of small gingerbread houses, 92 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,520 like I had mentioned I wanted to do beforehand, 93 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,820 and it was really nice of Arthur and his parents 94 00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:54,100 to go ahead and put up their Christmas tree, 95 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,900 as well as make sure that we had at least two boxes 96 00:04:57,900 --> 00:05:02,700 of gingerbread house parts for us to be able to build houses. 97 00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:06,340 Arthur also prepared a few little candy gifts 98 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,380 and some little touches that really meant 99 00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:11,980 a great deal to me, since I am such a holiday girly. 100 00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:14,480 We also watched a couple of Christmas movies 101 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,620 and just chilled at home. 102 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:20,180 It was a really lovely and normal first day. 103 00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:22,920 Little side note here, one thing I discovered 104 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:25,920 and remember about Seattle and the metro area 105 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,860 around Seattle is how much higher and more expensive 106 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:33,300 the cost of living there is compared to Georgia 107 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:37,840 and the Southeast and many other US states in general. 108 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:40,540 In Europe, I have always known and expected 109 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,380 to see many families living in smaller homes 110 00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:47,780 and apartments, because that's the lifestyle and culture. 111 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:51,220 Going out West and seeing American families 112 00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,820 live in similar style apartments at the time 113 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:57,560 seemed more unusual to me, since I had always grown up 114 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,220 in Georgia with everyone I knew 115 00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:03,600 living in a standalone house of their own. 116 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,860 I'm not sure about now, probably even more so, 117 00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:10,380 to be honest, but at the time, I had learned 118 00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:14,380 that to live in a three bed, two bath house 119 00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:19,380 in the Seattle area easily cost a minimum of $1 million. 120 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,780 Wow. 121 00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:25,360 That same amount of money in Georgia 122 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,660 can get you a three story house. 123 00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,960 Welcome to the West Coast. 124 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,920 But anyway, I digress. 125 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,700 Continuing on now, that first evening 126 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:38,460 of the first night in Bothell, I learned 127 00:06:38,460 --> 00:06:40,660 that I was going to be sharing and sleeping 128 00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:44,300 in the same room and even the same bed, 129 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,600 dare I say, as Arthur. 130 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,180 I actually wasn't really bothered by that, 131 00:06:49,180 --> 00:06:52,520 since I thought and shouldn't have assumed, 132 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,860 as you'll see later, that we were really just friends 133 00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:58,060 and nothing more. 134 00:06:58,060 --> 00:07:00,720 Let me go ahead and tell you that this is where 135 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,920 the beginning of many misunderstandings took place. 136 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,460 That I was not the slightest bit attracted to Arthur, 137 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:11,940 that I never for a second had even seen 138 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:15,380 or imagined any sort of realistic future with him. 139 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:17,940 That I had just seen him as a good friend 140 00:07:17,940 --> 00:07:22,440 who I had met on a pen pal website eight years prior 141 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,980 and I kept in touch with on and off for that span of time. 142 00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:29,180 That first night, and basically for the couple 143 00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:33,280 of next nights after that, I was a bit jet lagged. 144 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,360 Seattle is on Pacific time and was three hours 145 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,420 behind my usual Atlanta time. 146 00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:42,000 And although that's not a huge difference to many people, 147 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,540 it was enough of a difference for my body at the time 148 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:50,540 to wake up wide awake at 2 a.m., which was 5 a.m. 149 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,840 in Georgia when I normally always got up. 150 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,080 Yes, I am a huge early bird. 151 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:59,580 I mention this because this is where some weirdness 152 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:03,380 and invasion of personal space begins with Arthur. 153 00:08:03,380 --> 00:08:06,720 When I wake up wide awake at 2 a.m., 154 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,520 I thought I'd just go and have some peace 155 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,960 in the living room and grab a cup of coffee from the kitchen. 156 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:17,100 The second I got up, he sensed it somehow 157 00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:20,740 and he also got up, turned on the lights 158 00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:24,980 and stayed up with me and just stared at me. 159 00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:27,840 Like, hey? 160 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,740 Good morning? 161 00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:34,740 I was just thinking to myself, okay, this is weird. 162 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,620 But okay, and then I asked Arthur, 163 00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:41,520 why are you not going back to sleep? 164 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,960 Are you not sleepy? 165 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,200 And he responded to that with, oh, 166 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,120 well, I thought we were gonna hang out. 167 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,160 We need time to hang out. 168 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,540 And of course I'm looking at him and I'm like, 169 00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:56,200 it is two in the morning. 170 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,700 Two in the fucking morning. 171 00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:01,840 You think now is a good time to hang out? 172 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,540 I don't understand your logic. 173 00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:06,940 I said I was going to the kitchen for coffee 174 00:09:06,940 --> 00:09:08,980 and what does Arthur do? 175 00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:13,960 He gets up with me and follows me step by step 176 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:18,920 to the kitchen behind me and stares at me making coffee. 177 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,160 And again, I'm thinking, you know, 178 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:26,340 you don't need to follow me to every single place I go. 179 00:09:26,340 --> 00:09:30,540 This isn't necessary. 180 00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:33,480 I think eventually I did get a little more shut eye 181 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,280 after that quick little weird and awkward moment 182 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:39,440 of Arthur following and staring me down in the room 183 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:43,480 while I got coffee, but I was still weirded out. 184 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,920 And that was just the beginning of it. 185 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:49,060 On the second day, what I loved about the morning 186 00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:51,920 was that it started snowing in Bothell. 187 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,800 And if you know me, you know that I'm a sucker 188 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,300 for any snow day since in Georgia, 189 00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:01,200 we rarely get these beautiful snow days with our climate. 190 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,040 I enjoyed a peaceful morning with some snow, 191 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,640 snow pictures, and coffee. 192 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,280 Before Arthur and I took off later in the morning 193 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,680 to see Arthur's old childhood hometown place 194 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,780 called Mercer Island, which is a middle point place 195 00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:18,080 between Seattle and Bothell. 196 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,180 We went to Mercer Island and walked around for a bit 197 00:10:21,180 --> 00:10:23,520 to no specific place. 198 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,760 And even though it was a childhood home to Arthur, 199 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,400 he apparently didn't know anything that was there 200 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,100 or didn't research again to remember what was there. 201 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:37,540 Arthur just told me, oh yeah, my dad and I 202 00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:41,040 used to just take a walk around here or a hike, 203 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,880 but that's about it. 204 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:48,840 And I'm thinking, okay, was there not a specific favorite 205 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,480 spot that you used to love or cherish? 206 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,280 This is when I started to realize very quickly 207 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,780 that Arthur didn't know a lot of things 208 00:10:57,780 --> 00:11:00,820 about a lot of things, at least in terms of anything 209 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:04,260 outside of his immediate close quarter home. 210 00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:08,040 This was the very beginning sign of me realizing 211 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:12,540 that he was extremely touchy and clingy to me. 212 00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:15,800 He would just randomly grab my hands out of the blue. 213 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,380 And whenever we were sitting down anywhere, 214 00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:22,680 Arthur would touch my hip and start caressing it. 215 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:26,320 And I was just thinking again to myself, what the fuck? 216 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,680 Why is he touching me? 217 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,560 Like, why are you doing this? 218 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,920 Ew, get away from me, ew! 219 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,220 I didn't say that out loud in the moment, 220 00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:37,600 but I definitely should have. 221 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,760 I was just going with the flow, rolling with the punches, 222 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,500 trying to keep the harmony intact. 223 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:47,240 I eventually did start backing away from him 224 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,180 every time he tried to touch or caress me, 225 00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:53,080 and I think he realized it. 226 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,380 I believe that it was also the evening of the second day 227 00:11:56,380 --> 00:11:58,980 that Arthur and his parents were so kind 228 00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:01,980 and took us out to a beautiful, delicious, 229 00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:07,000 kind of fancy dinner place with a cozy fireplace vibe 230 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,660 where we all got dressed up in really nice clothes. 231 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:15,560 Or so, at least that was the expectation. 232 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,940 When it comes to friendship, a true friendship 233 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:21,380 isn't about the superficial things, 234 00:12:21,380 --> 00:12:23,200 like the way someone dresses, 235 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,180 because friendship, when it comes down to it, 236 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,380 goes so much deeper. 237 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:32,820 But you have to admit that you do expect your friends 238 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:36,880 to also care about how they carry themselves in public 239 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,460 and how they dress on certain occasions, 240 00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:41,920 at least to some degree. 241 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:46,200 And Arthur's version of fancy for a nice dinner 242 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:50,560 made me internally and literally raise my eyebrows. 243 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:55,340 It was definitely not my personal taste or personal thing, 244 00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:57,780 but that was his style. 245 00:12:57,780 --> 00:13:01,620 I can't even remember now exactly what he was wearing, 246 00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:03,420 but I do remember that I was wearing 247 00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:07,680 a blue sequin maxi dress with long black boot heels 248 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:09,320 and black stockings. 249 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:14,320 And he must have been wearing something like black jeans 250 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:17,920 with an ugly dress shirt that didn't match well 251 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,760 or go together with his shoes and coat. 252 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,760 I remember when we were sitting at this fancy restaurant, 253 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:28,500 Arthur tried to grab my hand again under the table, 254 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,240 and I evidently also backed away then. 255 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,180 More awkwardness, why? 256 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,880 I think when we got back, 257 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,520 and in a couple of days after this, 258 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,020 Arthur's mom would joke around 259 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,280 about how we were total lovebirds 260 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,120 and how we were so cute together. 261 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,560 And I was just thinking, 262 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,860 oh my God, we are not together, woman. 263 00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:52,420 No, no, no, no, hell no, uh-uh. 264 00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:55,900 When we got back to Arthur's family home that evening, 265 00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,800 he continued to follow me everywhere 266 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,740 in the apartment that I went. 267 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:04,480 And it got to a point where I felt suffocated 268 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:08,440 and really felt like I didn't have personal space at all. 269 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:13,440 Every time I walked into a room, Arthur followed me there. 270 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:15,780 The third day rolls around, 271 00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:18,120 and of course, I wanted to see Seattle. 272 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,760 You don't come to Seattle and stay near it 273 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,000 and not see it anyway, right? 274 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,360 People of course go to Washington State 275 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,460 for the outrageously stunning nature, 276 00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:32,500 but they also go to experience city life 277 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:35,700 and more in Seattle, me included. 278 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:39,580 And although Arthur lived less than half an hour 279 00:14:39,580 --> 00:14:44,120 away from Seattle, like his childhood town of Mercer Island, 280 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:47,340 he didn't know anything either about Seattle 281 00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:49,760 and hadn't researched anything. 282 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:53,980 To add insult to injury, he was super, super scared 283 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,920 of crowds and had a crowd phobia, 284 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,400 anachlophobia, I think is what it's called. 285 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,400 Arthur told me that he didn't remember the last time 286 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,460 that he had actually been in Seattle himself. 287 00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:07,900 He didn't know anything about the space needle. 288 00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:11,800 I asked him questions and he couldn't tell me answers. 289 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:16,120 He didn't know anything about any place anywhere in Seattle. 290 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:17,940 He didn't know the best kind of fish 291 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:20,920 at the Pike Place Market where people buy fish 292 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,220 and all sorts of yummy other goodies. 293 00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:26,820 He maybe knew that Starbucks 294 00:15:26,820 --> 00:15:29,160 and the first ever Starbucks coffee shop 295 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,460 was from and is in Seattle, 296 00:15:32,460 --> 00:15:35,120 but he wasn't a coffee drinker either 297 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:39,700 and probably didn't know much else about Starbucks. 298 00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:42,000 When we went into Pike Place Market, 299 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:46,140 Arthur had to ask his dad what the best kind of fish was, 300 00:15:46,140 --> 00:15:48,880 especially salmon-wise, which I learned 301 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,120 was king salmon, by the way. 302 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,080 We had to use my phone navigation 303 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,360 to get around Seattle, not his. 304 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,560 I would have been fine going around Seattle 305 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,560 all by myself without him, 306 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,460 especially since Arthur's arm was constantly clinging 307 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:08,020 onto mine and rubbing up against me, 308 00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:11,400 since, again, he was uber, uber, uber scared 309 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,340 of crowds wherever we went. 310 00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:16,860 I didn't personally think Seattle was, 311 00:16:16,860 --> 00:16:21,040 on that specific day, that crowded, but to each his own. 312 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:24,000 I got really annoyed with the clinginess, 313 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,740 so I purposely tried to speed up 314 00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:30,320 and walk really, really fast down the streets of Seattle, 315 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:33,280 way ahead of him, so that he couldn't keep up with me. 316 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:36,060 Arthur was practically running to keep up 317 00:16:36,060 --> 00:16:39,860 with my speed walking up hills and down the streets, 318 00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:41,860 and he was practically sweating 319 00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:43,720 and trying to catch his breath. 320 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,260 That's also when I realized that Arthur 321 00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:49,000 wasn't as fit as me either. 322 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,140 At the time of this Seattle story, 323 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,640 I was really into a fitness phase, 324 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:57,600 and I would run about five miles most days of the week 325 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,740 and had reasonable endurance. 326 00:16:59,740 --> 00:17:02,040 So I was really in better shape 327 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:05,940 than I am now at the end of 2024. 328 00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,360 That's another thing. 329 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:11,020 Arthur and I worked out together earlier that morning 330 00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:13,160 at his apartment complex gym 331 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,520 before we went into Seattle later in the day. 332 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,800 I just happened to have a really good day that day 333 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,600 and had the stamina to go six miles 334 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,860 with ongoing energy afterwards. 335 00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:30,700 On the other hand, Arthur went barely three miles 336 00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,740 and was walking most of it, if I remember correctly, 337 00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:38,740 and he was just winded and done the rest of the entire day. 338 00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:43,660 Granted, I do and did understand at the time 339 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:47,280 that he said he hadn't done cardio in a long time 340 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,500 and wasn't used to it. 341 00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,860 And I again just had really gotten lucky 342 00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:53,560 and had a really good day. 343 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,240 But again, Arthur didn't even run the three miles. 344 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:01,240 He walked most of it and was worn out. 345 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,280 Arthur did manage to bite the bullet 346 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,400 with his remaining energy for the day 347 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,880 and do what he could to get around Seattle. 348 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,960 So I do have to give him that. 349 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:14,840 There were so many unattractive turnoffs about Arthur 350 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,200 that were all slowly culminating and accumulating 351 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,940 as the time with him went on. 352 00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:23,880 Arthur didn't seem to have done any research 353 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,280 on his home state or on Seattle 354 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,320 before I traveled a long way there from Georgia. 355 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,240 If I'm hosting someone in Atlanta or in Georgia, 356 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,760 I make sure to plan as much as I can 357 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,160 to have places readily available 358 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,840 to recommend doing or foods to try, 359 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,200 places not to miss, day trips, et cetera, 360 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,960 because I want my guests to have a truly wonderful time 361 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,360 and experience here. 362 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,680 Going back to this point that I mentioned 363 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,480 at the beginning of this story, 364 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,100 Arthur couldn't drive and didn't have a driver's license. 365 00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:00,320 In many places in Europe or Canada or elsewhere, 366 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,200 especially in a bigger city, 367 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:06,520 it's actually okay for people to not necessarily have a car, 368 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,320 let alone drive. 369 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,720 Arthur's parents had a car, 370 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,520 but his dad had to use the car most of the time 371 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,160 to go to work, completely understandable. 372 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,360 What I didn't mention up to now 373 00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:20,880 is that Arthur wasn't working and didn't have a job, 374 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:24,240 so he couldn't rent a car himself for us to use, 375 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,880 but I wanted a car, 376 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:30,000 so I went out and rented one myself for us to use. 377 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,260 I just started eventually making a list 378 00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:35,120 of all the things that annoyed me. 379 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:38,080 He doesn't know anything, he's less fit than me, 380 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,320 he doesn't take an interest in any sort of outdoorsy 381 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,960 or going out kind of thing, he's truly a homebody, 382 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,240 he just likes to quote unquote chill at home. 383 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,280 Literally, every time I asked him at the apartment, 384 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,280 oh, what are you doing? 385 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,960 I would be watching the World Cup on my computer 386 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,040 or I'd be working on a gingerbread house 387 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,120 or I'd be actively doing something, 388 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:04,640 and Arthur's response to this question was always, 389 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:08,880 oh, I'm just chilling, no, I'm just chilling, 390 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,380 just chilling, I'm just chilling, oh my God, 391 00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:15,120 you are so boring. 392 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:17,760 There was this one afternoon on another day 393 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,880 when he didn't quote unquote just chill 394 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,880 and did quote unquote work out at home, 395 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,280 carrying heavy jugs of water back and forth 396 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,360 from his room to the living room and back, 397 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:31,820 breathing in and out heavily. 398 00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:33,880 I was just sitting in the living room 399 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,800 trying not to watch this. 400 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,080 By the fourth day, I was really over it 401 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,400 and I was really losing my shit. 402 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,360 I really couldn't take the clinginess, friendship 403 00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:48,880 incompatibility, awkwardness, misconceptions, 404 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,400 and discomfort any longer. 405 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,420 But I didn't wanna spoil the rest of the trip 406 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:57,360 as much as I could because Arthur and I 407 00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,520 were still going to be spending a couple of days together 408 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:04,120 in a German-style village in Washington called Leavenworth 409 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:07,200 that I really wanted to see for the Christmas season. 410 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,700 So I held in my bottled emotions 411 00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:14,600 and I tried my best to hide them, which spoiler alert, 412 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:18,960 I totally failed at that on the morning of the fourth day. 413 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,440 I tried to suppress the annoyance that I had. 414 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,720 I remember Arthur had told me on the very first day 415 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,180 that he had taken his mom's bottle of red wine 416 00:21:28,180 --> 00:21:32,160 from the kitchen somewhere and hid it in his closet 417 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,280 before I arrived in Washington, 418 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:39,280 which, okay, taking your mom's wine and not telling her 419 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,160 is smooth. 420 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,840 Since Arthur knew that I liked to drink wine, 421 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,360 but he didn't personally drink any alcohol 422 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,240 because of a family history of alcoholism, 423 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:51,840 so I couldn't drink with him. 424 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,560 It was 10 in the morning on this fourth day 425 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,740 and we had to prepare for this drive to Leavenworth. 426 00:21:57,740 --> 00:22:00,380 With me driving, again, noted, 427 00:22:00,380 --> 00:22:03,800 I tried to avoid making direct contact with Arthur 428 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,840 that morning as much as I could. 429 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:09,360 And I managed to sneak that bottle of red wine 430 00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,560 out from the closet, took a glass from the kitchen, 431 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,920 went into the bathroom with the door closed 432 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,680 to start putting on makeup and start getting ready, 433 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:23,280 and I started drinking that wine just so I could calm down. 434 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,820 And after I had to open the door, 435 00:22:25,820 --> 00:22:29,600 Arthur soon realized that something was up. 436 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:33,280 I had gotten two glasses of wine in my system by that point 437 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,000 that he had approached me and asked to talk to me. 438 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,600 We went into his bedroom and we talked. 439 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:43,340 I was pissed and the wine helped me just let everything out. 440 00:22:43,340 --> 00:22:44,560 I exploded. 441 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,920 The very first thing I did was point my finger at him, 442 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:52,840 cornered him, and I said in the coldest, most serious, 443 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,880 pissiest tone that I ever had in a while, 444 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,840 Arthur, do not fucking touch me. 445 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,240 You get away from me now. 446 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,240 And that's a side of me 447 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,280 that I know most people have never witnessed 448 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,700 because it's very rare that someone pushes me to that limit, 449 00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:11,480 but this occasion was one of those. 450 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,200 I was not playing and I was so done. 451 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,080 I really felt so mean. 452 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,600 I said so many things that I can't repeat 453 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,200 because I don't remember now, 454 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,880 but they were not nice things. 455 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,680 I criticized how boring Arthur was 456 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,240 and how he didn't know anything about anything, 457 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,880 all of the reasons I never liked him and why I never would, 458 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,980 that it was ridiculous how he didn't have 459 00:23:35,980 --> 00:23:38,400 his driver's license and didn't have an interest 460 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,000 in getting it whatsoever, 461 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:43,640 and how there were so many misunderstandings between us. 462 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,480 Matters only became worse 463 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:49,800 and he didn't help his case at all whatsoever. 464 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,980 When I learned more about his living situation 465 00:23:52,980 --> 00:23:57,400 with his parents early on, and I never tried to judge, 466 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,040 I really tried to understand, 467 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,740 but after I learned what I'm about to share, 468 00:24:02,740 --> 00:24:05,440 I totally did judge. 469 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,140 I had known before coming to Washington 470 00:24:08,140 --> 00:24:10,440 that Arthur didn't have a job. 471 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,100 I didn't know the reason. 472 00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:16,040 I thought his parents have health problems, which they did, 473 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,840 and that he didn't work 474 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,480 because he served as their primary caretaker, 475 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,300 but actually, no, that's not the reason 476 00:24:24,300 --> 00:24:26,000 why he didn't have a job. 477 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:30,680 Arthur told me, oh, I had a job before COVID, 478 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,900 and then I couldn't work after COVID because I got laid off, 479 00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:38,080 and then I just got lazy and I didn't get another job. 480 00:24:39,140 --> 00:24:40,680 Oh, yikes. 481 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:45,200 That was probably one of the most unattractive, 482 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,540 frustrating things of everything that he said 483 00:24:48,540 --> 00:24:49,600 during that whole trip. 484 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:54,180 That infuriated me more than this podcast episode 485 00:24:54,180 --> 00:24:56,440 can truly encompass. 486 00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:00,780 This characteristic of laziness and lack of ambition 487 00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:05,600 were not and are not what I needed from people in my life. 488 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:09,240 Again, no driver's license or desire to even learn 489 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,700 how to drive a car for any emergency, 490 00:25:11,700 --> 00:25:13,640 especially in his parents' case 491 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,380 when he couldn't drive them to the ER. 492 00:25:16,380 --> 00:25:17,640 He can't help them. 493 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:18,780 No passport. 494 00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:20,400 You live very close to Canada, 495 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:21,840 and you can't even go to Vancouver 496 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,440 because you don't have a passport. 497 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,380 You aren't actively seeking out employment 498 00:25:26,380 --> 00:25:30,080 because you got comfortable and you are lazy. 499 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,180 At the time that this story happened, 500 00:25:32,180 --> 00:25:36,200 I also was living at home temporarily with my grandparents, 501 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,540 but the difference was that I was actively trying 502 00:25:39,540 --> 00:25:40,940 to get out of there, 503 00:25:40,940 --> 00:25:44,140 and I was working towards doing that purposefully 504 00:25:44,140 --> 00:25:47,500 with the full intention to move out that following year. 505 00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:49,380 And what is Arthur doing, 506 00:25:49,380 --> 00:25:52,580 not aiming higher and just sitting on his ass? 507 00:25:52,580 --> 00:25:54,500 It became even more apparent 508 00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:58,000 that this was just not my kind of person friend-wise 509 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,400 or acquaintance-wise, 510 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:02,380 and partner-wise was already way out of the question. 511 00:26:02,380 --> 00:26:05,740 I don't wanna surround myself with people like you 512 00:26:05,740 --> 00:26:08,040 who don't want more in life, 513 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,680 who don't wanna constantly strive to be better, 514 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,500 and I told Arthur all of this. 515 00:26:13,500 --> 00:26:16,000 Arthur had the wrong idea all along, 516 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,680 but in his defense, I am very much to blame. 517 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,700 I wasn't transparent or explicit enough 518 00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:24,840 in making sure that he understood 519 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,300 that we were only just friends 520 00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:30,500 and all we ever would be was friends. 521 00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:33,280 It does sound unusual for a girl 522 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,980 to fly across the entire country 523 00:26:35,980 --> 00:26:39,540 to visit a guy who is only a friend, 524 00:26:39,540 --> 00:26:41,700 but the thing is, I saw the whole trip 525 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:44,500 as an opportunity to see Seattle anyway 526 00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:46,540 since I had always wanted to go, 527 00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:47,980 and I thought, well, 528 00:26:47,980 --> 00:26:50,140 it's a good opportunity to see it now 529 00:26:50,140 --> 00:26:53,780 if I also know someone who lives close to there 530 00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:56,780 and who is a good friend who I can see it with, 531 00:26:56,780 --> 00:26:59,980 or so I thought was a good friend. 532 00:26:59,980 --> 00:27:01,940 I mean, in my past life, 533 00:27:01,940 --> 00:27:05,040 I used to travel to other countries for the weekend alone, 534 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,880 so to me, it's not that unusual. 535 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,340 Arthur started a trend where we would message each other 536 00:27:11,340 --> 00:27:13,480 and call each other lovey, 537 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,400 and I would call it back to him 538 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,740 since I didn't think much of it at the time, 539 00:27:17,740 --> 00:27:21,980 and thought, oh, it's just a silly pet name, whatever, 540 00:27:21,980 --> 00:27:24,640 but Arthur thought it was more than that. 541 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,300 I should have watched my words more carefully 542 00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:30,600 and been more vividly clear that it means nothing 543 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,140 and that there is nothing between us. 544 00:27:33,140 --> 00:27:36,680 He misinterpreted my other messages to him in the past 545 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,600 since at the time, I was in my dating season 546 00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:43,100 and was seeing a number of guys who I would tell him about, 547 00:27:43,100 --> 00:27:45,200 and whenever a guy didn't work out, 548 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,600 I would tell Arthur, 549 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,400 yeah, so-and-so didn't work out, 550 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,440 I can't wait for our time together, 551 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,900 but I meant as friends. 552 00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:58,440 Arthur interpreted that statement as not friends. 553 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,100 If I like someone, 554 00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:03,340 I make it damn obvious that I like that person. 555 00:28:03,340 --> 00:28:05,600 I make it known that I really like you 556 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,180 and that I'm interested in you, 557 00:28:07,180 --> 00:28:10,900 and I never once did that for a second with Arthur. 558 00:28:10,900 --> 00:28:13,580 All of these are my bad, my mistakes, 559 00:28:13,580 --> 00:28:18,140 my reasons for getting into this mess in the first place. 560 00:28:18,140 --> 00:28:20,240 I was, of course, angry at Arthur, 561 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,400 but I was also especially angry at myself, 562 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,040 thinking, how could I allow myself 563 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,740 to have had and kept a friend like this? 564 00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:31,380 I thought I knew who this person was. 565 00:28:31,380 --> 00:28:33,900 I thought Arthur would have been as sweet 566 00:28:33,900 --> 00:28:38,300 and supportive of a person as he was online. 567 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:40,240 In terms of his personality, 568 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,880 Arthur was perfect in terms of listening, 569 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,200 being emotionally available, 570 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,480 and being a good support system, 571 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:50,600 but I realized that that's about where it ended. 572 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,180 In terms of interest, how to spend time, 573 00:28:53,180 --> 00:28:55,740 what to do, clothing style, ambition, 574 00:28:55,740 --> 00:28:58,540 zest for life, zest for travel, fulfillment, 575 00:28:58,540 --> 00:29:01,240 none of those other things were there. 576 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,480 That fourth day, that conversation slash confrontation 577 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:08,480 in Arthur's bedroom went on for about two hours, 578 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,940 and I really felt sorry for his dad 579 00:29:10,940 --> 00:29:13,280 having to hear all of this from the other room, 580 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,800 thinking that I must be some crazy whack job girl, 581 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,540 and it was basically just me bitching at 582 00:29:18,540 --> 00:29:21,440 and criticizing him, and unsurprisingly, 583 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:25,800 the rest of the trip was really awkward after that. 584 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,540 We went to Leavenworth, the German-style village, 585 00:29:28,540 --> 00:29:31,380 and it was a bust. 586 00:29:31,380 --> 00:29:33,040 It was really bad. 587 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,700 I would have been much better going there on my own. 588 00:29:36,700 --> 00:29:40,540 Arthur was just this constant cloud of darkness, 589 00:29:40,540 --> 00:29:43,240 negativity, like this cloud of depressiveness 590 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,840 that constantly held me down like chains around my neck 591 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,740 everywhere I walked around in this beautiful village. 592 00:29:50,740 --> 00:29:53,480 I was just thinking, I can't have fun here. 593 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:58,280 You're so mopey, so black, so, ah, I hate it. 594 00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,240 We walked around the town of Leavenworth, 595 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:03,540 and I drove us into there with my rental car that I got. 596 00:30:03,540 --> 00:30:06,780 We went around and barely said anything to each other. 597 00:30:06,780 --> 00:30:09,540 We walked into whatever bar was open, 598 00:30:09,540 --> 00:30:11,380 and because he didn't drink, 599 00:30:11,380 --> 00:30:13,280 he couldn't drink anything with me. 600 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,000 So I ordered myself something, 601 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,680 and he just sat next to me 602 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,580 with this mopey, depressive expression 603 00:30:19,580 --> 00:30:22,900 looking down at the ground the entire time. 604 00:30:22,900 --> 00:30:25,940 We had to stay in this beautiful place that I booked 605 00:30:25,940 --> 00:30:28,280 because I couldn't get a refund at that point, 606 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,440 and he had to join me since that was the plan all along. 607 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:35,200 So having to share another room with Arthur 608 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,580 was just so uncomfortable every second, 609 00:30:38,580 --> 00:30:42,180 and it was just worse and worse with every passing minute. 610 00:30:42,180 --> 00:30:43,780 Then by the fifth day, 611 00:30:43,780 --> 00:30:47,640 the awkwardness and unhappiness got even worse. 612 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:49,480 Arthur and I left Leavenworth. 613 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:50,640 We got in the car. 614 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,380 I drove us to see Snoqualmie Falls, 615 00:30:53,380 --> 00:30:56,340 which is the biggest waterfall in Washington state, 616 00:30:56,340 --> 00:30:58,900 and therefore is very popular to see. 617 00:30:58,900 --> 00:31:03,140 I was just really pissed, and I'm thinking, what the hell? 618 00:31:03,140 --> 00:31:05,700 I rented a car, I'm driving us around. 619 00:31:05,700 --> 00:31:08,740 To be honest, this should be you driving. 620 00:31:08,740 --> 00:31:10,740 This should be you recommending places. 621 00:31:10,740 --> 00:31:13,900 This should be you taking more initiative and interest. 622 00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:16,900 You came so fucking unprepared as a host. 623 00:31:16,900 --> 00:31:20,940 You did other things right, and I appreciate those things, 624 00:31:20,940 --> 00:31:23,380 but this one, you failed at, 625 00:31:23,380 --> 00:31:27,980 and this was the more important thing, at least to me. 626 00:31:27,980 --> 00:31:32,000 Arthur attempted to break the ice and awkwardness in the car 627 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,260 by asking would-you-rather questions, 628 00:31:34,260 --> 00:31:36,500 and I was just not having it. 629 00:31:36,500 --> 00:31:40,200 So I just answered in the most bland way I could 630 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,300 and turned up the volume of my music, 631 00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:44,540 and I just did not care. 632 00:31:44,540 --> 00:31:47,180 Even at the falls, it was so awkward 633 00:31:47,180 --> 00:31:49,660 because we were literally not speaking to each other. 634 00:31:49,660 --> 00:31:53,340 We were literally standing on two sides of the falls alone, 635 00:31:53,340 --> 00:31:55,380 looking at this beautiful waterfall, 636 00:31:55,380 --> 00:31:58,500 but feeling the tension and awkwardness in the air, 637 00:31:58,500 --> 00:31:59,960 and that sucked. 638 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:02,980 We went into a random Starbucks after seeing the falls, 639 00:32:02,980 --> 00:32:06,580 sat down, and I didn't hold back and said, 640 00:32:06,580 --> 00:32:08,100 I am so pissed at you. 641 00:32:08,100 --> 00:32:09,840 I wanna end this friendship. 642 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:13,140 I am getting a hotel tonight in Seattle, and I'm leaving. 643 00:32:13,140 --> 00:32:15,560 I never wanna see you again. 644 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,960 And yes, I really said this to his face. 645 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,740 I didn't know and still don't know 646 00:32:20,740 --> 00:32:25,620 that Mary Grace can be mean either until this trip happened, 647 00:32:25,620 --> 00:32:27,740 and that is exactly what I did. 648 00:32:27,740 --> 00:32:30,860 I booked a random hotel in Seattle on short notice 649 00:32:30,860 --> 00:32:33,660 for my last night there since I couldn't rebook 650 00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,660 an earlier flight back home to Georgia 651 00:32:35,660 --> 00:32:38,940 with the change fee being $300 652 00:32:38,940 --> 00:32:42,380 and just not being worth it, frankly. 653 00:32:42,380 --> 00:32:44,660 When Arthur and I got back to Bothell, 654 00:32:44,660 --> 00:32:46,060 we returned the rental car, 655 00:32:46,060 --> 00:32:48,540 and I tried to be friendly with Arthur 656 00:32:48,540 --> 00:32:50,220 in front of the rental car reps 657 00:32:50,220 --> 00:32:53,180 to not publicize these negative feelings 658 00:32:53,180 --> 00:32:55,400 and make it seem like something was wrong. 659 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,660 But once we got back to the apartment, 660 00:32:57,660 --> 00:33:00,140 we had one other long conversation. 661 00:33:00,140 --> 00:33:04,300 Basically, the same one again saying what he did wrong, 662 00:33:04,300 --> 00:33:07,580 what he should improve on, why I will never like him, 663 00:33:07,580 --> 00:33:09,500 and that I'm extremely sorry 664 00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:11,480 for being this rude-ass mean bitch 665 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:15,260 for saying all that I'm saying, but that I need to say it. 666 00:33:15,260 --> 00:33:18,560 I told him that I understood truly what it was like 667 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:20,380 to be on the receiving end of this, 668 00:33:20,380 --> 00:33:22,860 to feel so bad for not living up 669 00:33:22,860 --> 00:33:24,740 to someone else's expectations 670 00:33:24,740 --> 00:33:28,060 and being rejected by a crush for not being better. 671 00:33:28,060 --> 00:33:29,340 If you're listening to this 672 00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:30,980 and you've heard the dating episode, 673 00:33:30,980 --> 00:33:33,960 I'm referring here to Mr. Bright and Handsome. 674 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,940 Arthur pretty much took all of my anger and honesty 675 00:33:36,940 --> 00:33:40,700 and said that this was just what he needed to hear, 676 00:33:40,700 --> 00:33:43,180 that he needed this sort of reality check 677 00:33:43,180 --> 00:33:46,420 and pushback from someone who wasn't family. 678 00:33:46,420 --> 00:33:48,460 And the fact that I would go back to Georgia 679 00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:51,060 and we wouldn't cross paths again 680 00:33:51,060 --> 00:33:53,080 made this a stepping stone for him 681 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:54,760 to get his life more together 682 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:58,180 and to start striving for something in baby steps. 683 00:33:58,180 --> 00:33:59,620 I got all of my shit, 684 00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:03,540 packed up my suitcases after that last conversation, 685 00:34:03,540 --> 00:34:04,660 and I left. 686 00:34:04,660 --> 00:34:09,660 I took a 40-minute, $75 Uber to my hotel in Seattle, 687 00:34:10,540 --> 00:34:14,460 which was ridiculous, but gosh, I had to do it. 688 00:34:14,460 --> 00:34:18,180 I got to this mediocre hotel, which was super random 689 00:34:18,180 --> 00:34:22,180 and kinda even run down a little bit, but I didn't care. 690 00:34:22,180 --> 00:34:25,820 I felt so happy and so free again. 691 00:34:25,820 --> 00:34:27,720 I just spent the rest of my day 692 00:34:27,720 --> 00:34:29,620 watching episodes of The Office, 693 00:34:29,620 --> 00:34:31,180 filmed a couple of videos, 694 00:34:31,180 --> 00:34:34,900 and went to a 7-Eleven down the street for food and coffee, 695 00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:37,060 and that was that. 696 00:34:37,060 --> 00:34:40,480 I left Seattle on that sixth and very next day. 697 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:43,540 The moral of this story is that I ended 698 00:34:43,540 --> 00:34:46,020 this eight-year virtual friendship. 699 00:34:46,020 --> 00:34:48,420 Arthur and I deleted each other's numbers 700 00:34:48,420 --> 00:34:50,580 and social media access. 701 00:34:50,580 --> 00:34:53,740 I let Arthur know that I got to the Seattle hotel safely 702 00:34:53,740 --> 00:34:56,980 since he asked me to do that, and I did. 703 00:34:56,980 --> 00:35:00,100 That was the end of us ever speaking, 704 00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:01,780 and I wasn't sad in the sense 705 00:35:01,780 --> 00:35:04,900 that I knew what I did was right 706 00:35:04,900 --> 00:35:08,300 in recognizing how this person didn't serve me anymore 707 00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:11,580 like he did when we were teenagers talking on the internet, 708 00:35:11,580 --> 00:35:14,940 but I did admittedly feel that pinch of sadness 709 00:35:14,940 --> 00:35:18,860 in that things had to end so bitterly and awkwardly 710 00:35:18,860 --> 00:35:22,060 because to this day, I don't and never did think 711 00:35:22,060 --> 00:35:23,860 that he is a bad person. 712 00:35:23,860 --> 00:35:27,340 Everyone has their seasons of weakness, of being low, 713 00:35:27,340 --> 00:35:28,820 myself included. 714 00:35:28,820 --> 00:35:32,020 I was unbelievably harsh with him. 715 00:35:32,020 --> 00:35:35,740 I did tell him out of anger and frustration at the time 716 00:35:35,740 --> 00:35:38,060 that although I wished him the best, 717 00:35:38,060 --> 00:35:39,860 no matter how he changed, 718 00:35:39,860 --> 00:35:43,180 no matter if he became successful, richer, more generous, 719 00:35:43,180 --> 00:35:45,000 more attractive, more whatever, 720 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,460 that I still wouldn't change my opinion about him. 721 00:35:48,460 --> 00:35:50,740 I think that on my part, 722 00:35:50,740 --> 00:35:54,300 I was definitely much too hateful and consumed 723 00:35:54,300 --> 00:35:56,540 in my own ego when I said that. 724 00:35:56,540 --> 00:35:58,480 Wherever Arthur is now, 725 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,260 I do hope that he did use my words wisely 726 00:36:01,260 --> 00:36:04,220 and started looking for employment opportunities 727 00:36:04,220 --> 00:36:05,900 and started creating goals 728 00:36:05,900 --> 00:36:08,060 to be a better version of himself 729 00:36:08,060 --> 00:36:12,500 and maybe even found someone better suited for him than me. 730 00:36:12,500 --> 00:36:15,700 I wish that I would have been more transparent with Arthur 731 00:36:15,700 --> 00:36:20,000 about what I expect in a friend and friendship back then. 732 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,460 I should have reminded him 733 00:36:21,460 --> 00:36:25,160 that we were only friends, nothing more. 734 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:26,940 Because in those eight years 735 00:36:26,940 --> 00:36:28,860 that we knew and spoke to each other, 736 00:36:28,860 --> 00:36:32,180 there was another time or two years ago 737 00:36:32,180 --> 00:36:33,640 when he crushed on me 738 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,420 and when I told him that I don't like you, 739 00:36:36,420 --> 00:36:39,620 but he had had the hope that things would change 740 00:36:39,620 --> 00:36:42,280 after a certain amount of time passed. 741 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:45,100 I should have read deeper into that possibility 742 00:36:45,100 --> 00:36:47,380 and that previous history. 743 00:36:47,380 --> 00:36:49,260 You can never truly know someone 744 00:36:49,260 --> 00:36:52,340 until you see them in person and even FaceTime, 745 00:36:52,340 --> 00:36:55,380 which Arthur and I had many FaceTime calls, 746 00:36:55,380 --> 00:36:58,700 never could help us truly see or realize 747 00:36:58,700 --> 00:37:03,100 who we really were as people in reality off the internet. 748 00:37:03,100 --> 00:37:05,940 The end of 2022, looking back, 749 00:37:05,940 --> 00:37:07,940 was the right time to call things off 750 00:37:07,940 --> 00:37:10,340 on this friendship with Arthur anyway, 751 00:37:10,340 --> 00:37:15,340 because not too long afterwards into 2023, I met Marco. 752 00:37:15,420 --> 00:37:18,660 Even if I had continued to remain friends with Arthur, 753 00:37:18,660 --> 00:37:21,900 that whole dynamic of having Marco more permanently 754 00:37:21,900 --> 00:37:25,860 in the picture would have eventually exacerbated 755 00:37:25,860 --> 00:37:28,420 a neutral friendship with Arthur anyway. 756 00:37:28,420 --> 00:37:30,920 All worked out for the best. 757 00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:32,920 I hope that you enjoyed today's episode 758 00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:36,340 of the Seattle and Washington friendship breakup story 759 00:37:36,340 --> 00:37:38,980 and that you feel more encouraged to revisit 760 00:37:38,980 --> 00:37:42,660 and evaluate your own friendships, situationships, 761 00:37:42,660 --> 00:37:45,260 or whatever in your life that don't serve you 762 00:37:45,260 --> 00:37:47,960 or that you feel you could thrive better without 763 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,540 and make an effort to resolve 764 00:37:49,540 --> 00:37:52,500 during these last few weeks of 2024. 765 00:37:52,500 --> 00:37:54,840 If you'd like to share your thoughts or comments 766 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:58,340 about your own friendship breakup experiences with me, 767 00:37:58,340 --> 00:38:00,700 please send me a message on Instagram 768 00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:03,120 at either Mary Grace Crawford 769 00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:08,120 or on the podcast account at onceuponatrip.pc. 770 00:38:08,340 --> 00:38:10,780 And of course, please share this episode 771 00:38:10,780 --> 00:38:13,340 with any friends or family who you think 772 00:38:13,340 --> 00:38:15,980 could use a little more travel story entertainment 773 00:38:15,980 --> 00:38:19,220 in their busy days leading up to this holiday season. 774 00:38:19,220 --> 00:38:21,380 Thank you really so much for tuning in 775 00:38:21,380 --> 00:38:24,820 and for sticking all the way through if you're still here. 776 00:38:24,820 --> 00:38:28,180 I look forward to being back here with you next Tuesday 777 00:38:28,180 --> 00:38:32,380 for another fun, adventurous trip of an episode. 778 00:38:32,380 --> 00:38:52,440 설기감사 하세영