1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,640 Welcome to the Once Upon a Trip podcast, where we dive deep into sharing everything 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:12,600 crazy travel stories, dating adventures, culture fusions, and plenty of takeaways to entertain 3 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:16,720 and feed your inner curiosity and travel bug. 4 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:23,680 I'm your host, Mary Grace Crawford, travel enthusiast, content creator, ex-Digital Nomad, 5 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:33,400 avid storyteller, and lover of all things Europe, based now in Atlanta, Georgia. 6 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:38,440 Good morning, afternoon, or evening, depending on when you're listening to this. 7 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:43,880 This episode today was inspired by a podcast episode that I actually listened to last week 8 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:50,320 by a girl named Erica Rankin, who has a podcast here on Spotify called You're Not a Bad Person, 9 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:55,560 which you should check out for mindset, self-help, and more if you're interested in that. 10 00:00:55,560 --> 00:01:00,800 She talked about some of her recent dates that she went on since she's in the dating 11 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,880 scene and had some pretty hilarious stories. 12 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:11,800 So I thought I'd take my own spin on some of my own dating fails and journey since I 13 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:18,260 haven't really spoken about that so much for a while up to this point on the podcast. 14 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:25,000 This episode would be way too long if I talked about every single person I ever dated and 15 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,560 crushed on throughout my 20s. 16 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:33,240 So for this week, I'm going to keep it more recent and tell you about some of the dating 17 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:40,320 fails and lessons that I had with four different American guys when I came back from living 18 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:47,880 in Europe, plus the one European jackpot that you all know is the current and hopefully 19 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,000 last one, Marco. 20 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:55,000 All four of these American guys I'm going to be talking about, plus Marco, were all 21 00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:01,000 guys I met on a popular dating app used here in the US called Hinge. 22 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:07,720 When I lived in Europe and abroad, before coming back to the US in late 2021, I never 23 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:11,320 used any dating app ever. 24 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:18,360 I used to be one of those people who was so narrow-minded and so old school about this, 25 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:25,200 thinking I'd only ever use a dating app if I was super desperate in my life and if I 26 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,360 was like 40 and not married. 27 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:36,280 I had always imagined meeting some European somewhere on my travels in Europe or potentially 28 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,720 on a travel meetup website. 29 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:45,400 Well, little did I know that a dating app was going to be my gateway to meeting some 30 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:51,040 of the most interesting guys I had ever had the chance to meet and date. 31 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:57,160 Funnily enough, it was my Aunt Cherise, who is now in her late 50s and who I admire and 32 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:05,440 look up to very much, who sat down over coffee and pastries with me on one cold day in January 33 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:11,880 2022 and convinced me to try using a dating app for the first time. 34 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:18,080 So Aunt Cherise, if by chance you happen to be listening to this, I really thank you to 35 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:23,280 this day for getting me out of my errant ways because it's made all the difference in my 36 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:24,280 life. 37 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:30,280 Now we're going to be jumping into the fun stuff and going person by person, all with 38 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:34,240 a nickname relevant to how I view them when dating. 39 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:40,240 I'm sure that a number of you will be able to relate to at least one or I don't know, 40 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:46,280 maybe even all of these guys to some degree in your own dating life. 41 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:54,760 I hope that you enjoy and take some entertaining lessons away from this yourself. 42 00:03:54,760 --> 00:04:01,020 Guy number one is someone I'm going to be referring to as Mr. Bright and Handsome. 43 00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:06,920 This was the very first American guy I dated when I learned that I wouldn't be returning 44 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:12,280 to Turkey and that I'd have to be settling back here in the U.S. 45 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:18,520 To this day, and all hats still go to Marco and he knows it and I have told him this, 46 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:27,080 Mr. Bright and Handsome, as his nickname indicates, is by far the most physically attractive guy 47 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,660 I ever dated or thought was real. 48 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:37,240 He was literally a dream who walked out of heaven in my eyes, but if he were to ever 49 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:44,200 hear this by any chance, he would probably disagree and freak out, which you'll see 50 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,760 why as we get deeper into this. 51 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:53,840 If you know me already, you'll know that my taste in guys is no secret, but if you're 52 00:04:53,840 --> 00:05:00,560 new here and you don't know, I have always been attracted mainly to guys with light features. 53 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:07,960 The blue light colored eyes, white skin, being tall, being skinny, having light hair, being 54 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:14,920 more introverted and nerdy, but also having a fun side and being adventurous to some degree. 55 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:19,380 Mr. Bright and Handsome was all of these things. 56 00:05:19,380 --> 00:05:25,640 He was 6'4", so if you're European and you're listening to this, he was 193 centimeters 57 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:34,400 tall, had a hint of muscle, dressed nicely, had deep, thick eyebrows, baby blues with 58 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:42,700 long eyelashes, and on top of that, was extremely educated, eloquent, and at the time was doing 59 00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:44,640 his PhD in math. 60 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:52,080 He loved traveling, was very international, had a special love for the Spanish language 61 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:59,200 and Latin America, loved big city life, loved cocktails, scented candles, and was extremely 62 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,200 open-minded. 63 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:06,760 However, it was because of a combination of his physical attractiveness, what he was on 64 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:13,920 paper, and me being in a really low and bad emotional place in my life that I got too 65 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:19,640 carried away and I really freaked him out a few times. 66 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:25,000 There was this one day when I was over all day long at his apartment in the middle of 67 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,020 Piedmont Park in Atlanta. 68 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:31,880 We had talked about a lot of things over the span of six hours. 69 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:33,640 Yeah, that's no exaggeration. 70 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,440 It was six hours. 71 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,280 It was the third time we had ever seen each other. 72 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,600 Dating fail number one starts here. 73 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:50,120 As we were talking, I was explaining or trying to explain to him my upbringing and societal 74 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:58,280 views imposed directly and indirectly on me as a kid, but it came out totally wrong and 75 00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,080 not the way I wanted it to sound. 76 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:07,380 I don't remember now exactly word for word what I said, but it went something along the 77 00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:12,520 lines of, you know, I grew up with everyone I knew around me being 78 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,880 white. 79 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,680 Everyone in town was super white. 80 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,680 Everyone on TV was white. 81 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:25,920 And in school, we were indirectly taught the Hitler perspective of white supremacy. 82 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:35,380 And understandably, he just stared at me and blatantly said, that is so racist. 83 00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:41,520 And when he replied like that, I immediately knew that I had said something wrong, that 84 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,160 I didn't say what I was wanting to say. 85 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:49,280 I really wasn't trying to be racist, but it totally sounded like that once I used the 86 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,920 word Hitler in whatever it was I really said. 87 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,140 My bad. 88 00:07:54,140 --> 00:08:00,680 Dating fail number two with Mr. Bright and Handsome was when I came on really too strong, 89 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,840 too fast, at least for him. 90 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:09,900 That same third day together, I told him that I felt like I had never met another guy like 91 00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:13,120 him before in the US. 92 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:21,840 And he also just blatantly stared at me and said, okay, Mary Grace, I am nothing special. 93 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,900 There are tons of fish in the sea. 94 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:27,860 We have seen each other only two other times. 95 00:08:27,860 --> 00:08:34,360 And it really concerns me that you're already saying these sorts of things so fast. 96 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:40,360 I would say this to someone who I loved for a long time or who I was about to get married 97 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,480 to, but not after two dates. 98 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:50,020 You know, I don't mean to compare, but the last girl I dated before you was an engineer. 99 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,800 She lived close to me. 100 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,980 We liked going out to the same places, same restaurants. 101 00:08:55,980 --> 00:09:01,320 I know you're figuring out your life and all, but I'm just saying. 102 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:07,500 To this day, I still think about what he said and I'm still like, ouch. 103 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:13,680 In the end, Mr. Bright and Handsome went on a couple of other future dates with me and 104 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:19,380 finally called things off face to face because he didn't feel that there was a deeper connection 105 00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,040 or future. 106 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,240 And he was right. 107 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:27,620 But his good looks made me sugarcoat that reality. 108 00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:32,500 And I had wanted to drag our time together and preserve the opportunity of being with 109 00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:37,380 this perfect human being in my eyes for as long as I could. 110 00:09:37,380 --> 00:09:44,020 I constantly put him on a pedestal, put in all the work that I could, went through the 111 00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:49,240 trouble of one time going to five different liquor stores to find him a certain tequila 112 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,540 that he had said that he wanted and didn't have. 113 00:09:52,540 --> 00:09:58,480 And when I gave it to him as a present, he barely even looked at what I got and he just 114 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,940 said, oh, thanks. 115 00:10:00,940 --> 00:10:07,400 I was constantly the one reaching out and texting him asking if we could hang out. 116 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:15,200 It was all a one-sided operation and I wasn't being chased almost at all. 117 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:20,760 He was interested in me, as he said, but he wasn't that interested. 118 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:26,880 All of these were signs that Mr. Bright and Handsome, as bright and handsome as he was 119 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:30,960 in my eyes, was not the Mr. Right for me. 120 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:36,980 Guy number two is someone we're going to call Mr. Southern Christian Poi, originally 121 00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:38,540 from Alabama. 122 00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:46,480 Honestly, this guy had the most similar, most wholesome values and was by far the most polite 123 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,760 gentleman I ever dated. 124 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:53,120 He would open the car door for me whenever I got inside. 125 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:59,440 He always insisted that we go into a restaurant and he would fully expect to pay every single 126 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:00,440 time. 127 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,280 He was a more traditional kind of guy. 128 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:09,200 I am calling him Southern Christian Poi, but he never actually imposed a diehard Christian 129 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,500 attitude in day-to-day life and conversation with me. 130 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:17,960 That was until about five dates in, but we'll get to that in a minute. 131 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:23,720 Mr. Southern Christian Poi was the type of guy who was excellent and perfect to take 132 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:31,760 home to your parents and family, was trustworthy, hardworking, not flashy, not selfish, and 133 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:32,960 reliable. 134 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,920 We would send voice messages back and forth to each other every day. 135 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:43,060 He rambled on and on just as much as I rambled on and on. 136 00:11:43,060 --> 00:11:54,040 He once sent me a 50-minute voice message in the middle of the night since he worked 137 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:58,440 in sports PR and worked really late sometimes. 138 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:02,600 I never ended up actually opening and listening to that. 139 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:08,560 It was apparently about a psychotic ex-girlfriend that he had at some point. 140 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:14,560 Maybe I should go back and actually listen to that since I think I still have it somewhere. 141 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:20,920 Mr. Southern Christian Poi didn't end up meeting my parents, but he did meet my grandma 142 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:27,400 at some point, and he also did meet my aunt and uncle by marriage on this one sunny summer 143 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:33,400 afternoon in Atlanta when he picked me up from their house since I was visiting, and 144 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,440 we met in person there for the very first time. 145 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:42,840 We were all getting a little bit day, not drunk, but day tipsy on white wine, and he 146 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,860 got a kick out of the whole big welcome, nice to meet you. 147 00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:49,320 He absolutely loved sports. 148 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,560 He lived for sports. 149 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:59,000 Our dates consisted of going to some sort of sporting event like a Braves baseball games, 150 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:06,600 Atlanta United soccer games, a Falcons game, and a super random spontaneous Wiz Khalifa 151 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,600 concert. 152 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:12,640 He loved going out and having a really good time, and I also loved that too. 153 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:19,520 So we have this very polite southern sweetheart of a guy who loves sports, cares about family, 154 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:25,680 takes care of the girl he's with, has good traditional values, is fun to be around, sends 155 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,640 voice messages as much as I do. 156 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,440 So what could have gone wrong here? 157 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:38,120 I am now taking us on a U-turn, and I'm going to explain why we didn't work out. 158 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:44,480 We went out about six times together over the course of about a month and a half. 159 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:51,640 After about the fourth time, I started asking myself if I really could see myself long term 160 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:58,600 with Mr. Christian Southern Boy based on our interactions and based on what he said he 161 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,180 envisioned in his future. 162 00:14:01,180 --> 00:14:07,320 He told me at some point, you know, I see myself living out in the suburbs somewhere 163 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:14,000 close to a football stadium and getting back into going to church every single Sunday. 164 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:20,440 I on the other hand did not see myself doing that at all. 165 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,480 But I think it was icing on the cake. 166 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:30,460 And what really was, I think, the top ultimate deal breaker was when he told me, I know it 167 00:14:30,460 --> 00:14:36,280 sounds hypocritical, but whoever I'm with, I want to go back and gradually revert to 168 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:40,760 the no sex before marriage approach to our relationship. 169 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:45,440 I want us to be more clean before getting married. 170 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:50,120 And of course I was listening to this and I was like, this is so hypocritical. 171 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,320 Like what is this? 172 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,520 This is bullshit, but okay, I respect your opinion. 173 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:02,960 On top of that, Mr. Christian Southern Boy was the only guy I ever dated who I actually 174 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:07,120 made and kept a list of things about on my phone. 175 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:11,400 A list of things that either bothered me or that I didn't like. 176 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:20,640 I think that list had literally about 25 different items ranging from not clipping his fingernails 177 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:24,280 regularly, which that really, really irked me. 178 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,040 Worrying constantly about money and being cheap. 179 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:32,720 Ordering water everywhere and almost never having a drink with me. 180 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:39,080 Not saying any cuss or bad words since his family conditioned him not to use bad language, 181 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,120 even when driving and getting angry. 182 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,040 Had reciprocity, not showing passion. 183 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:49,760 He was too casual for my, I guess, ideal clothing style. 184 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:55,720 Didn't own a passport ever and didn't show an interest in traveling abroad ever. 185 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:59,240 I think I just started finding reasons to add to that list. 186 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,920 For example, I don't like how he wears a hat. 187 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:08,120 Like I was just going on a whole tangent, but very clearly that alone was a sign that 188 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,760 this probably wouldn't have worked anyway. 189 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:18,020 Even if he was the wholesome type of guy who my family would have really liked. 190 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:23,160 We ended things very cordially and I still to this day believe and hope that he finds 191 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:28,360 a girl who is better aligned with his values and priorities than I was. 192 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:34,000 That goes without saying that just because you aren't romantically compatible with someone 193 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:41,800 doesn't mean they're not wonderful people because many, at least for me, are and were. 194 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:47,760 Guy number three and four are both similar in a lot of ways when it comes to superficiality 195 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:54,260 and being selfish, but I'll start with someone I'll refer to as Mr. Superficial. 196 00:16:54,260 --> 00:17:00,520 There actually isn't too much to say about Mr. Superficial, but he was in his early thirties 197 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:05,560 and made a career for himself in real estate development and had his own business on the 198 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:06,560 side. 199 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:12,720 I also honestly felt insecure about telling him about my own career and job because I 200 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:18,800 wasn't and still am not a big shot like this guy was coming off as. 201 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:23,840 He was the son of a dermatologist and his mom, I believe, was a lawyer and he was raised 202 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:24,840 Jewish. 203 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:30,520 I felt like it was a shame for me to turn up to his parents with someone less esteemed 204 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:36,320 than they all were, but that's a whole other conversation for another day. 205 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:43,700 Anyway, there was this one date with Mr. Superficial when I was over at his condo in Atlanta. 206 00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:49,520 We were sitting around and talking about some of our past dates and dating history. 207 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:55,040 He told me that there was this one girl not too long before me who he had dated for two 208 00:17:55,040 --> 00:18:01,980 months and he broke things off with her because as he said, I don't know, I got tired of her 209 00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:06,480 body after some time, so I just broke up with her. 210 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:10,800 And if you follow me on Instagram, you may have heard this story, but yeah, here we are 211 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,800 again. 212 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:18,840 That alone raised a lot of red flags and made me feel so uncomfortable and even more insecure 213 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:22,720 about my own body than I already was feeling at the time. 214 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:30,600 I even thought for a second that he was maybe kidding, but no, he was really serious. 215 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:36,980 On top of not being as work flexible as he was and me being insecure about my career 216 00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:43,160 and job situation, he had wanted us to go and work out together at his gym on one work 217 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:50,440 day, but I didn't feel comfortable enough with him to say that I was flexible, but I 218 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,440 wasn't that flexible because of work. 219 00:18:53,440 --> 00:19:00,640 He also didn't ask too much about me and after a while, he didn't seem really interested 220 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:05,680 or to respond to my suggestions to seeing me again. 221 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:12,600 So this is bad to say, but we more or less ghosted each other, but still have each other 222 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,280 on Instagram. 223 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:20,760 Like what a modern world we live in to say the least, nothing hostile, but I wouldn't 224 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:26,560 have felt like I could be myself or like I could relax around this guy if he really did 225 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:33,120 want someone with a great body all the time and wanted someone super high up the corporate 226 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:36,320 ladder on top of that. 227 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:43,760 Guy number four who we're calling Mr. Oblivious and Selfish is someone I started dating immediately 228 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:47,600 after things flared out with Mr. Superficial. 229 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:53,600 He was also in his early thirties and was established in his career as a financial analyst 230 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:59,640 and had actually moved from his native Chicago to Atlanta for that very job opportunity and 231 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:00,640 promotion. 232 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:09,680 Mr. Oblivious and Selfish had actually swiped right on me on Hinge about five times before 233 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,400 I actually decided to give him a shot. 234 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:18,640 I did find him and his profile attractive, but the reason I didn't respond to his previous 235 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:24,560 swipes was because there was no written message or extra thought that I could see that was 236 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:30,300 put into it and I had always wanted to look for guys on dating apps who looked like they 237 00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:36,440 were genuinely interested and showed it by adding a message to their swipe. 238 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:44,840 Mr. Oblivious and Selfish never left any sort of message even with the fifth time he swiped, 239 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:52,200 but because he was so persistent and because I had thought to myself, okay, he is being 240 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:58,760 persistent maybe I'll just be surprised and I just need to give him a try and I decided 241 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,560 to do just that. 242 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:08,000 Mr. Oblivious and Selfish gets his name because in his defense, I do believe that he was nervous 243 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:13,600 on the two occasions we did meet up and was oblivious to the fact that he had horrible 244 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:20,320 eye contact, never looked at me and was both oblivious and selfish when he barely asked 245 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:24,280 me anything about myself at all. 246 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:31,560 It was mainly me asking him so many questions and he was an open book talking especially 247 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:35,400 about his job and what he was doing and himself. 248 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:40,840 I would ask him, so I know you moved down to Atlanta from Chicago for work. 249 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,320 How do you feel about being here in Atlanta? 250 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:49,320 And he'd say something like, oh yeah, I like the weather down here. 251 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,360 It's really nice. 252 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:53,640 Okay. 253 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,320 So what about your hobbies? 254 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,960 What do you like to do outside of work? 255 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,040 Oh, I like to play golf sometimes. 256 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,600 I like to run. 257 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:10,200 I like to try new breweries and restaurants and more crickets. 258 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:15,880 And I'm sitting here and I'm thinking, when the hell are you going to ask me something 259 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,120 about anything about me? 260 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,480 Are you even curious? 261 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:28,880 The only thing he did ask me on the first date was why I lived in Turkey and why I moved 262 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,680 back, which I'll get to that in a future episode. 263 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,620 But that's about as far as his curiosity went. 264 00:22:35,620 --> 00:22:42,000 He didn't ask me about my interests, my goals in life, my travels. 265 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,160 He didn't ask anything else. 266 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:50,880 He said at the end of our first date, let me know if you want to see me again. 267 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:58,940 And I'm just thinking, yeah, I do want to see you again, but do you want to see me again? 268 00:22:58,940 --> 00:23:04,520 And I think at the time I did like him enough to see him again. 269 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,080 And I did ask him that same thing. 270 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,480 Do you want to see me again? 271 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,360 And he did say yes. 272 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:15,640 The second time we met, we walked around the Atlanta Beltline on this beautiful Sunday 273 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:21,720 early afternoon drinking beer and strolling around the path and he would just blab away 274 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:28,040 about his job, what all he was doing, what all he liked about his clients. 275 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:35,360 I'm all about learning about someone and being the overly curious person that I am. 276 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:41,900 But I also expect some decent amount of curiosity in return from the person I'm with. 277 00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:48,880 And I was not getting that from Mr. Oblivious and Selfish in person or over text. 278 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:54,560 There was this one brewery called Brew Dog that we went to along the Beltline and we 279 00:23:54,560 --> 00:24:00,720 were again sitting at the bar drinking beers and talking, him more about himself. 280 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:06,920 Of course, I was going to be nice as a good gesture to him at the time and pay for his 281 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:12,920 drinks since he had paid for dinner the previous date we were together and I didn't want to 282 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:20,080 come off as this girl who didn't reciprocate and appreciate someone for paying for me. 283 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:26,420 The second I got out my credit card and was about to pay the bartender for both my drinks 284 00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:33,240 and his, he was so oblivious again and didn't look at me and said to the bartender, oh no, 285 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,840 I've got my own. 286 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:42,720 Oh my gosh, dude, I was just about to do you something nice and you didn't even bother 287 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,520 to look and check. 288 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,460 My God. 289 00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:52,800 After that Sunday afternoon, I continued to text and talk to Mr. Oblivious and Selfish 290 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:59,280 and I thought that maybe he just didn't realize or doesn't know that he is being selfish 291 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:03,100 and oblivious to not showing more interest. 292 00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:09,320 I really didn't think he was interested, so I kind of pulled back and didn't talk to him 293 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:10,440 as much. 294 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:17,120 I was going on this long weekend trip to Toronto, Canada to visit my friend who lives there 295 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:24,580 and I had told him about that trip and he texted me on the day I was leaving and told 296 00:25:24,580 --> 00:25:29,320 me have a good trip and have fun in Canada. 297 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:36,280 So he wasn't completely clueless and he did write proper full paragraph texts, which I 298 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:43,120 like and not just one worders, but I didn't understand why I didn't feel he was putting 299 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,760 in the same effort because he really wasn't. 300 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,800 It was then that I told him, thanks so much. 301 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:56,640 You know, I didn't think you would have cared or would remember that because I have felt 302 00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:02,360 recently you have not been as interested in me and have not texted me and asked me about 303 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:09,440 me and he responded with something like, I'm just really introverted and nervous and I 304 00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:16,800 am interested, but at that point I had dated some other guys before him who were even more 305 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:23,160 introverted than he was, who had put in more effort and who were definitely more curious 306 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,920 and showing it than he was. 307 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:33,520 So after that, I basically let Mr. Oblivious and Selfish slide away and we more or less 308 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,960 also ghosted each other. 309 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:41,360 But what I should have done was have more courtesy to at least send him a text and tell 310 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:46,540 him what he should do differently with other girls in the future and about his oblivion 311 00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:51,220 and more selfless approach to talking only about himself. 312 00:26:51,220 --> 00:26:58,800 That leads us now to our final and last person, a guy you all know and have heard on the podcast 313 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:05,520 who we're going to call Mr. One European in a haystack, or actually, no, not really. 314 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:10,560 We're just going to call him Marco, the only guy in this episode who is going by his real 315 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,080 name. 316 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:17,740 By now, if you've listened this far into the podcast in general, and if you've listened 317 00:27:17,740 --> 00:27:24,760 to other episodes, you'll already be very familiar with Marco, aka Mr. One European 318 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,560 in a haystack. 319 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:32,360 When I told Marco that this was going to be his nickname for this episode, he replied 320 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:40,480 with, Oh God, but I told him you should be happy that you have a positive nickname with 321 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:47,440 good connotations and not bad ones like the previous four you've just listened to here. 322 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:55,680 I met Marco back in March 2023, just a few short weeks after I had more or less written 323 00:27:55,680 --> 00:28:02,480 off Mr. Oblivious and Selfish and was in a major dating slump. 324 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,040 I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. 325 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:09,320 I didn't feel happy even about the little things in my life. 326 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:16,120 I felt like I had reached a dead end that I didn't understand why every guy I was meeting 327 00:28:16,120 --> 00:28:22,440 wasn't working out, not showing interest, not wanting to have what I wanted. 328 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:28,360 I remember at the beginning of March, feeling so hopeless and even saying a little prayer 329 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:34,600 to God while driving home one day from work, which if you know me, you know I'm not a very 330 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:42,840 religious person, but I do have my little rare moments like this where I said to God, 331 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:51,680 God, I don't know what plan you have for me or when my time will come to meet my person, 332 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:58,300 but I really can't wait until the day you do introduce me to my person because this 333 00:28:58,300 --> 00:29:01,120 all really, really sucks. 334 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:07,140 I'm not sure if the timing of that little prayer was a coincidence to meeting Marco 335 00:29:07,140 --> 00:29:13,920 just a few short weeks later, but I like to look back on that and see it as a sign that 336 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,200 it was not a coincidence. 337 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:23,840 Marco sent me a rose on Hinge, which if you're familiar with Hinge, you know that this is 338 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:31,800 like a super like, and he did leave me a written thoughtful message with his swipe just as 339 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,520 I had wanted a guy to do. 340 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:41,720 I had had a written prompt on my profile with two truths and one lie, and I said something 341 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:48,480 about not having been to a hair salon in at the time over 15 years, which that actually 342 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:49,480 is true. 343 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:54,680 And Marco replied to the prompt and said, that's tougher than one might think. 344 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,960 All I can say is your hair looks great. 345 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:02,920 And little did either of us know that that was just the beginning of a whole lot of talking, 346 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:09,720 a lot of chemistry building, and nearly two years later of now being and living together. 347 00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:16,040 What prompted me to respond to Marco's swipe even more was looking at his profile and seeing 348 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:22,240 that he was from Europe somewhere since he wrote that, and a connection to Europe was 349 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,480 immediately established. 350 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:31,680 Marco put in the same amount of effort that I did when it came to asking questions, being 351 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:39,840 curious, being interested, being involved, and wanted the same things that I did mostly. 352 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:45,480 We would text every single day and eventually video called almost every day the first week 353 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:51,380 we started talking and getting to know each other before we actually did meet in person. 354 00:30:51,380 --> 00:30:57,180 And even on our first date, we ended up talking for almost four hours, and it probably would 355 00:30:57,180 --> 00:31:01,880 have been even longer than that had we not been kicked out of the restaurant we were 356 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:05,960 at since it was nighttime and the restaurant was closing. 357 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:12,100 There's a whole lot more I can say about the journey alone with Marco, but what I can say 358 00:31:12,100 --> 00:31:15,020 is that he isn't superficial. 359 00:31:15,020 --> 00:31:16,640 He isn't oblivious. 360 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:18,260 He isn't selfish. 361 00:31:18,260 --> 00:31:24,400 He isn't a diehard Christian guy who wants to center life only around church and is okay 362 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,500 with not having a passport. 363 00:31:26,500 --> 00:31:27,800 That is not okay. 364 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:33,680 And he isn't so bright and handsome that he isn't reachable or connectable. 365 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:40,320 Marco is the perfect balance of everything that a super emotional, sensitive, travel 366 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:49,060 enthusiast and vulnerable girl like me needs in terms of thriving and being stable. 367 00:31:49,060 --> 00:31:55,360 Like I said at the beginning of this episode, I had stated that I had always imagined meeting 368 00:31:55,360 --> 00:32:02,680 and being with a European and meeting organically on my travel somewhere or on a travel meetup 369 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:03,680 website. 370 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:10,560 But the way that I found and have kept Marco is more special of a gift than I ever could 371 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:14,000 have imagined or predicted back then. 372 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:18,980 It's important to kiss many frogs and utilize the lessons that come from saying goodbye 373 00:32:18,980 --> 00:32:22,800 to them in order to find your prince or princess. 374 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:30,720 Meeting when coming back from Europe and Turkey was such a valuable, albeit at times emotionally 375 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,180 painful and draining process. 376 00:32:34,180 --> 00:32:40,720 And I wouldn't take any of my weird dating fails or experiences or any of these four 377 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:44,640 American guys and their quirks for nothing. 378 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:51,240 So if you're listening to this and you are single and wanting to find your person, the 379 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,560 moral of this story is not to give up. 380 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,400 Keep putting yourself in situations where you can meet people. 381 00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:04,720 And with every single person you meet, you do come one person and opportunity closer 382 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,100 to meeting the one for you. 383 00:33:07,100 --> 00:33:11,340 Good things always tend to come when you're thinking and expecting them the least. 384 00:33:11,340 --> 00:33:14,940 That's no secret, but I think it's relevant to mention that. 385 00:33:14,940 --> 00:33:21,020 And it's with these lessons that I leave and wrap up today's episode on my post Europe 386 00:33:21,020 --> 00:33:23,120 dating journey here in America. 387 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:29,600 I hope that you enjoyed and could relate to at least one of these types of guys in your 388 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:35,680 own dating journey and that you remember to embrace the dating process, celebrate the 389 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:40,680 wins, laugh at the fails, learn from the fails and keep on walking. 390 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:47,400 I look forward to tuning in with you again next Tuesday for another fun, adventurous 391 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:51,720 trip of an episode.