Hey, hey are you there?
Hello?
Me?
Yes.
Did you add music and sound effects to my last recording?
Oh I did, glad you noticed.
Pretty nice right?
Yes, it fits well.
I'm glad.
Alright anyway see ya.
Wait, we're getting started.
Oh is it time?
Not yet, but I'm going to explain the plan to you.
Explain away.
The Gross Monster Relics.
They have an interesting story behind them.
At some point in the late third century, Saints Felix and Regula, along with their servant, fled to a city in Switzerland that's now known as Zurich.
They fled because of the intense prosecution of Christians at the time.
Unfortunately for them, Roman authorities in Zurich found out about their Christian beliefs.
When the governor found out, he had them tried and executed.
However, there is a local legend that something very strange happened that day.
After they were beheaded, it is said that the Saints picked up their own heads and began to walk.
They walked forty paces uphill, then prayed before lying down, finally dead.
They were buried where they stopped.
And that site is now the Gross Monster Cathedral, where the Saints still lay.
And with them, their relics.
The Gross Monster Relics.
After the dissolution of the monasteries in 1524, graves were opened.
Some say they were empty, apart from some bone fragments.
Now, the Catholics claim the Reformers were planning to throw the relics into the river.
Not sure.
They say a courageous man of Uri stole the relics first and took them away to Andermatt,
where the two skulls of Felix and Regula can be seen to this very day.
The remaining relics were brought back and put inside the new Saint Felix and Regula Catholic Church.
Let's steal them. That's the plan.
I don't want to involve anyone from my travel group in this, so we're doing it like in Italy.
We sneak out.
What happens if you get caught by police?
I don't. I won't.
Right. Hence the what if.
It will be fine. I promise.
Sure. Can't really do much from here, so I guess I'm on board.
Couldn't you leave the recorder?
What?
If you wanted to stop me or leave, you could just possess me or possess something that's not the recorder.
Right. Well, not really.
What?
Look, I'm old, even for a haunt. I'm not a very strong presence to begin with, right?
I was bluffing back in the catacombs. I can barely possess a recorder, let alone a person.
If I leave this, I might not have the energy to go back. I'm reaching my end here.
Your end? You're a haunt, a ghost. What do you mean, end?
Thought you were an expert.
As much as I can be without ever speaking to a haunt before.
The dead aren't forever. Those who don't pass on, like myself, have a limited time here.
Eventually, our energy runs out.
What happens then?
I don't know. Maybe some afterlife. Maybe not. It might be nothing. I'll stop existing.
And no mind can comprehend that. Of all this fear-mongering you've been doing, that might be the scariest.
The thought of just...nothing.
Anyways, heist?
Well, I'm sorry. Whatever it is, I hope it's peaceful.
Whatever it is, it'll be nice to have a change of pace after nearly three centuries.
Tell me why.
What?
Tell me why you're doing this.
I can't. I'm sorry. It defeats the purpose if I speak it out loud.
Really? Interesting. Fine. What are we expecting to run into tonight?
I have reason to believe. The entire building is an anomaly.
Oh, alright then. Not the one that's been chasing you?
No. There are different types of anomaly, just as there are different types of phantom spirits and haunts.
The anomaly that's chasing me is powerful. It can follow me, like the shade at sunset.
Slowly but surely, it scrapes across the land as I run.
Colorful.
The building would be a less powerful anomaly. Just the building is the anomaly.
How come no one's torn it down since it's so haunted?
Most likely it's dormant. It will only attack once someone tries to take the relics.
Oh, that's us. Fun.
Yeah.
It's beautiful. And still dormant. Time to get to work.
Is that a bird?
Yes. There's a bird in here. Odd. It must have flown through the window I used.
Did it?
Good point. It might be a guardian or something. Well, I can't do anything about it now.
This. This is it. This is the relic I need.
What is it? I'm running blind here, remember? Adjectives, please.
This is the broach of the third patron saint. The one nearly forgotten by history. Exuperantius.
He was the servant to Felix and Regula. And the same miracle happened to him.
His story is told, but his name is forgotten. It's perfect.
He's here.
Who?
Exuperantius. It's his spirit.
Hello. Please, patron saint, allow me to use this relic just for a moment.
He doesn't like that I'm here.
Figures. You... you broke in.
He wants something. You do. You want something.
You want. You want to be known.
I know your story.
You were there. You studied along with the other saints. You worshipped along with them. You were killed along with them.
You watched as they were killed. One movement of the guillotine and their work was gone. Persecuted for who they were and what they believed.
Then it was your turn. There was nothing you could do. They laid you down into your machine.
The basket below your head was empty. Ready for you. Someone called out. The blade fell, scraping along the wood as it did.
But you did not die. None of you did.
You all stood back up, lifted your own head off the ground, out of the bucket, into your own arms, and marched up the hill, praying, before finally dying as everything went dark.
Okay. He's gone. Let's do this. Be ready. Once I take the broach, I don't know what will happen.
Go. Leave the recorder. Possess the broach.
Okay. Good. The broach is imbued with afterlife. With stories, with energy.
Come back. You've done what you need to do.
Hello? Come back into the recorder.
You have to leave the brooch for this to work. Hurry. You have to come back. Jump one more time. You still have the energy.
Hurry. I'm back. Let's get out of here.
Finally. I feel the brooch. I feel the relic. It's powerful.
Good. Let's go. This place feels like it's coming down.
It's harmless. Just a scare. Ignore it. It has no power. That lies here with me.
Uh, yes, but we should go.
Well done today. You have filled your end of the bargain. I will fulfill mine.
Are we headed to Prague next?
Munich next. Then Prague.
Good. Good. Maybe I can finally rest.
Maybe.
Something is wrong. Something is hidden. Someone is listening.