Welcome to the Classroom Narratives Healing in
Education podcast, the space where education
meets resilience. I'm Dr. Joey Weisler, and in
each episode, we dive deep into the personal
stories of educators, students, leaders, and
frontline advocates who are navigating the complexities
within modern education. Whether you're just
starting your teaching journey, or are a seasoned
professional looking for inspiration, we'll
explore how to foster meaningful change, prevent
burnout, and build trauma -informed communities
within our schools. Now, let's take a seat at
the front of the classroom as we get started.
Welcome back to the Classroom Narratives podcast,
where we talk about what really happens in schools,
the healing, the harm, and the hope. Today, I'm
honored to be joined by Amber. the voice behind
the social media handle @beautifullyorganizedchaos.
Amber is a passionate advocate for trauma
-informed education, using her online platforms
to challenge toxic systems, support struggling
teachers, and reimagine what safe, inclusive
classrooms can really look like. Her story is
as raw as it is inspiring, and one that our educators
interested in trauma should really hear about.
So Amber, welcome to the show. Thank you again
for being here. Thanks for having me. Oh, my
pleasure. So Amber, in your social media handle,
@beautifullyorganizedchaos, you talk about some
of your own experiences as an educator. So first
of all, tell us your journey as a teacher. What
grades did you teach? What does your classroom
look like? And what got you into the field to
begin with? Oh, so I have been a classroom teacher
in a public education setting for about 14 years
now. And I. Gosh, I was a third grader when I
knew I was going to be a classroom teacher. I
had a teacher who brought learning alive. And
we went on many field trips. We went to her sheep
barn and watched lambs being born. As a third
grade student, I mean, just the things you're
not going to see in a typical public school education.
And she was phenomenal. Absolutely adored her.
So I was hooked at third grade. And every decision
I made from then on in school, it was geared
towards eventually becoming an educator. My classroom
was one of inclusivity. In college, I took some
classes about autism and autism spectrum and
reaching those students. And it absolutely took
my learning to another level. I ended up with
a bachelor's in early childhood education, a
bachelor's in elementary education, both with
autism emphasis and a paraprofessional certificate
with autism. I could reach the most minds and
I could understand how to best bring myself to
a student with autism and bring them with us
along the journey in the classroom. I wanted
to make sure that everybody who stepped foot
in my classroom knew that they were loved, protected,
and that they had the same opportunity to learn
as everyone else. Perfect. Well, thank you so
much for that. And I know that your students
absolutely respected and adored you as their
educator for making them feel like that they
belong. What was the moment that you realized
that something in the system needed to change
for yourself and for others based upon the state
of how classrooms look today? Yeah, so in January.
of 2022 i was teaching fourth grade and I had
a 10 year old student bring a gun into my classroom
now I never laid my eyes on this gun I have no
idea what this gun looked like I have no idea
what caliber I have no idea if it was real I
have no information on that at all but the parents
felt stirred enough that they called the principal
and said, hey, we cannot find his gun at home.
Please go check his backpack. We think that he
might've brought it to school. Fantastic on the
parents. The fact that he has a gun, not so great,
but they were cognizant enough to be like, we
can't find it at home. We think he might have
it with him. It's very important that you go
check his backpack. So my principal at, it was
around noon, came into my classroom, took the
student and his backpack out of my classroom
and left. This was on a Wednesday and he never
returned. I didn't look into it. This was a very
troubled, troublesome child. So I figured whatever
he did, he was still down in the office. He was
still with the principal. The principal knew
where he was. My hands were clean. I was not
worried about him. After school that day, I got
called to the principal's office and he pulled
me into his office and let me know, hey. you've
had a gun in your classroom for three days. This
is what happened. This is who the child was targeting.
And we sent him home. By the way, he's going
to be back tomorrow because nothing actually
happened. There's nothing in our handbook saying
that he couldn't bring a weapon to school. As
long as nothing happened, no harm, no foul. And
I said, no. Unfortunately, at that very moment
in time, that was Wednesday. On Thursday, I was
testing for COVID still. I was like a part of
our process every week. And I tested positive
for COVID. So I had to sit. I absolutely just
had to sit. Thankfully, there were so many students
who tested positive for COVID in my classroom
that same day that they ended up shutting my
classroom down because I had no way of keeping
my students safe. I had no way of keeping...
the person he was targeting safe. And I had no
way of keeping others in the building safe. I
had nothing. I had no information. I was out
of class for five whole days. So the following
Thursday, I went back into my classroom. I went
back to the principal's office and I said, okay,
here's the thing. I'm not safe. My kids are not
safe. We do not know what's coming. And so I
need you to contact the person he's targeting,
I need you to contact their parents and let them
know, hey, this is what happened. Your child
is not safe. They need an alternative way to
go home because they both walked home in the
same direction. That student is not safe if they
were to continue walking home after school. I
need the child who brought a gun into my classroom.
I need them to... be removed from my classroom
I do not feel safe in that classroom i need the
police involved because I need to know that he
is not a danger to himself or others and he needs
to be seen to make sure like in a counseling
or psychology session that he is no longer a
threat to himself or others and like the school
the other teachers at the school they all need
to be aware of this this isn't something that
can just be left alone. My principal did not
appreciate my boldness. He did not want to do
what I had requested. And I said, okay, well,
it's either you do all of these things or here
is my letter of resignation. Mind you, this was
January. We were midway through the year. And
so he begrudgingly did all of those things, but
he told me to sweep it under the rug. His exact
words, they are burned into my brain, sweep it
under the rug. And I chose not to. And any number
of things could have happened. I am not okay
with that. I chose to make waves. I did not sit
quietly. And I was in a very hostile environment
from January to May. I did still turn in my letter
of resignation. And with that came passive aggressive
marks and being snubbed in the hallway. There
was no conversation. At the end of the school
year, there was no acknowledgement at like the
end of the year assembly saying, hey, good luck
on your next adventure. Nothing like that. All
of the other teachers who were leaving the building
that year received some sort of recognition at
the end of the year assembly. I did not. It was
a very dark time for me. But I advocated for
myself and I advocated for my students and I
advocated for the whole school. I did not want.
What was going to end up happening is if this
student transferred schools, transferred districts,
there was nothing in his permanent file saying
this had happened and it would not have followed
him. Nobody would have known. And I made a big
enough wave that he has something in his permanent
files. There is acknowledgement of something
that had happened and there might be a pause
in his next school. Because if he's doing this
at 10, what's he going to be doing at 16? So,
no, I made waves and I ended up getting myself
blacklisted from teaching in the state that I
lived in at the time. And it was very ugly. But
I did what I needed to do to feel like I protected
everyone I could. Thank you for all that you
shared. And you had me thinking, in terms of
just the fact as to how our profession works,
it bothers me that we tend to see decisions that
are made on a matrix -based judgment. And on
that same pathway, we have a profession where
the educator becomes that sacrificial lamb, if
you will, in order to try and protect our students,
because there seems to be a lack of wanting everybody
to act in the best interests. It's more about
protecting the image. protecting the students
so thank you again for sharing that from your
own perspective and how that also came to unfold
so knowing that part of your story and of course
all of our different educators out there who
are listening who may have had something similar
where they had those wonderful elementary school
teachers and they had been fantasizing that perfect
career start to finish. I always thought that
when I retire, I'd have like a whole Mr. Holland's
Opus performance, right? I would have 30 years
of students on a stage in front of me singing
an anthem and there'll be thousands and thousands.
There won't be. There certainly will not be.
And for educators who are trying to resonate
with navigating burnout and trauma, even if they
haven't experienced it yet, what advice would
you have for new teachers entering the field
who are still pretty wide -eyed about it and
don't even know what survival mode looks like?
Oh, survival mode is rough. I always ask some
very deep questions when I meet a pre -service
educator in the wild. What brought you into the
profession? What are your expectations of your
first five years? I do not know. Personally,
I do not know of many teachers who are making
it to the five -year mark anymore. There are.
There are fabulous educators out there. And there
are fabulous districts and classrooms, administration,
all of those things. There's just not enough
of them. What I would say to a brand new baby
teacher, make sure you have a support system.
Make sure your support system is physically in
front of you, not just your sister or your best
friend on call. Make sure your support system
is on speed dial and that you can absolutely
get away from the classroom on your time off.
It is so important for your mental health to
separate your work life from your personal life.
If you are contracted from 7 .30 in the morning
to 3 .30 in the afternoon, whatever your contract
hours is, make sure, absolute sure, that those
are the only hours that you are giving to your
classroom. Because if you bring work home, you
are working for free. And you are taking time
away from yourself. You're taking time away from
your family. You are taking time away from your
rest. By doing so, you are going to burn yourself
out so quickly. And you are not doing yourself
service. You are just giving yourself freely
to a classroom that you'll never be able to receive
back. It's easily dispensable too, at that matter.
Absolutely. There's some memes out there saying.
Your job description is going to be on Indeed
before your obituary is published in the newspaper.
And there's so much truth to that. You are completely
replaceable in your classroom. You are not replaceable
in your personal life. If you have children at
home, if you have family at home, you are absolutely
irreplaceable in those moments, in those memories.
And you're not in your work life. Gosh. What
I needed in my first five years of teaching,
I needed to not spend my money in my classroom.
It is not your job to fund your classroom. So
I needed somebody to give me a budget and say,
hey, this is what you have. This is what you
should be spending. This is what you need to
be spending. You have $250 that you can write
off on your taxes per year on education expenses.
If you go above that, you are giving freely and
you're not going to be receiving it back. I also
would have advocated for myself to have a counselor
or a therapist, somebody who I could get feedback
from. These are the things happening in my classroom.
Yes, I had a classroom mentor, but I don't feel
like it was the same because they're getting
paid from the district to tell me all of the
bubbly. fun, perfect, utopian things, not the
realistic things. So brand new baby teachers,
make sure you have a support system. Make sure
that you have personal time and you're not giving
away freely to your classroom or your district.
Make sure you have a counselor or a therapist,
somebody who you can talk to about the things
happening in your classroom, even within confidentiality,
because there is a lot. As an educator, you have
to have a very confidential veil for counselor,
you are working with incompetentiality. So that
shouldn't be a problem. Yeah. Make sure that
you are taking time every single day, every weekend
to absolutely get away from your classroom. You
will not get that time back. Definitely. Some
of the things that I've noticed that have really
helped. new educators succeed are just having
a really supportive leadership. And I call it
the fire department. If the house is ever on
fire, you want to know that you have a fire department
that will really back it up and protect it. And
the leadership is among those who can really
make that happen. So great leadership, supportive
colleagues. And when we talk about mentors, I
feel like mentors should be sought out. They
shouldn't be assigned. In my first year of teaching,
I was assigned a mentor and I was pretty much
mentored or guided by being told everything I
was doing wrong. I was never once told what I
should fix, but I was just told, this is what
you're doing wrong. Now figure it out. What I'm
hearing is you were in front of the fire hydrant.
Yes. Exactly. Not actually told, hey, this is
what's happening and this is how we're going
to navigate you through fixing it. Yeah, exactly.
It's just like the leaking hydrogen to other
fire is still in full blaze, not knowing how
to plug in the hose. So mentors should be ones
that we seek out as the mentee. They shouldn't
be given to us because that's not a relationship
that can always work out. And then if it can
be done, which is not always the case, but really
just trying to get good students. And in the
case that you have students that really burn
you out under the classroom, culture issues can
be really extreme at times. I have a lot of behavioral
issues in my classes as well. Then at least having
the leadership and the mentors to support the
choices you make to get the best out of the students
should at least be available to you because of
all of those factors in that present that is
on the road to quick burnout. And thinking about
what that looks like, your link tree includes
a lot of resources on trauma support and even
suicide intervention, which I'm so glad you brought
that up in your own classroom experiences as
well, because it's a crisis that we've seen in
our students who are a danger, like you said,
a danger to themselves or to others. And even
educators who are on the road to burnout can
use that training for just understanding their
own emotions as well. So why is it so crucial
for educators to understand these tools? Are
there specific points or resources from your
lean tree that we can start looking at today?
Yeah, so there are. Unfortunately, there are
a lot of teachers who hit that burnout and suicide
is the route that they take. I've known three
educators in 14 years, which on the grand scheme
of things is not a lot, but in very small rural
communities that I've always been a part of.
That's a lot. I'm positive there are things happening
in personal life that were trickling into their
professional life. There are teachers who are
opting for completion of suicide. There are students
who are opting for completion of suicide. So
I feel there's not a moment to talk about it.
There might not be the resource needed for it.
In my link tree on any of my social media platforms,
again, it's @beautifullyorganizedchaos. I do
have some suicide prevention links. I also have
some classes pinned that are, it's called the
ASIST program. Suicide Intervention Skills Training.
Thank you. It's classes that you can take to
help spot some things happening in students,
adults, where you can intervene and just say,
hey. I see you. Your reasoning is valid. And
that is so important to validate emotions and
validate experiences. And so the ASIST program
helps with all of those things. It helps you
as a layperson, educators, to be able to come
in, intervene, and just say, hey, I see you.
And I'm going to get you the help that I can.
It gives you resources. It gives you things like
that. Within my link tree as well, I have links
to resources and I'm working to get links in
all 50 states for resources for educators, resources
for students, and resources for parents. Now,
these resources are mental health resources.
These resources are classroom interventions and
things like that where you can go to find information.
If you are in the thick of it in a classroom
and you are... absolutely swimming just to keep
your head above water. The last thing you need
to do is to Google, what can I do to help my
classroom? Where can I go to help my classroom?
And so having a resource tree where educators
can just log in and be like, I need help with
this specific thing. They can find that link.
And again, I'm just starting this. It's been
less than probably three or four months. So it
is not... complete yet, but I'm working towards
it. And we're recording this segment in May 2025
for those looking for a little bit of a time
gap there. And we'll have that link tree available
in our show notes for today. So when we hear
the segment in times to come, we can see its
evolution and how it's grown since then. Thank
you. So Amber, is there anything that we haven't
mentioned today in our conversation that we wanted
to talk a bit more about based upon you and your
story and what our listeners can be inspired
from and benefit from? Yeah. So when things happen,
traumatic things happen in your life, you have
a moment, a chapter of your life where the pages
are not written and you have what is called post
-traumatic growth. Lean into it. If you have
something traumatic happen in your life, in your
classroom, in your job, walking down the street,
you have epiphany. moments in your brain in your
psyche and you are open to a world of possibilities
because you might not have had a tomorrow absolutely
lean into it lean into it in a structured setting
if you will for me it took two years along with
The traumatic event happening in my classroom,
I also lost my brother to a completed suicide.
And I almost lost a foster daughter to a attempted
suicide. All within a month and a half time frame.
To say my mental health was not well is the understatement
of the century. It took me two years to come
out of that fog where... I was just starting.
I stepped away from the classroom. My life changed.
My expectation of my future changed. And I blew
with the wind. And I said, I know what's coming
next, but I'm terrified to voice it out into
the world. I'm terrified to speak it into existence.
And I started making one small step every single
day towards that growth that I was going for.
At this point, we are three years out. At this
point, I am in my graduate program for clinical
mental health counseling. My goal with my counseling
licensure is to help create the curriculum for
pre -service educators and administrators to
see and implement things into their classrooms
for mental health awareness for students. and
her faculty staff. Within that post -traumatic
growth, there is a lot of things that can happen,
and there's a lot of things that become very
clear, and I tell you, absolutely lean into it.
Your life, your experience is important, and
leaning into it will change, it will change your
next chapter, and having a next chapter is the
most important thing. And I have another question
I wanted to ask as well, now that I'm listening
to your story a little bit deeper as well. So
three months before I also began my first year
of teaching, I began teaching in August 2018.
And in May 2018, seven years ago last week, I
lost a very close friend to suicide. And this
is like the one person who was like a really
good friend in high school. And I didn't have
many, trust me, who would say to me, oh, you'll
still teach. You'll change the world. Everyone's
going to love you. You'll be a great writer one
day. So I got my PhD kind of in his memory. Congratulations,
by the way. And first of all, my condolences
on behalf of your brother. And my question to
you is, based upon your research as well as your
lived experiences, How can those seeking their
post -traumatic growth in the aftermath of another
person's completed suicide take place? Oh, like
I said, mine was a two -year -long muddle through
the thickest mental just minefield. There were
days that I could not get out of bed. There were
days where I was a puddle of soup on my bedroom
floor. Grief looked pretty ugly. But I knew that
I had something to say. I knew that there was
going to be something positive that came out
of the biggest grief you could ever have. And
I put myself into counseling. And I'm not trying
to like shove therapy down people's throats.
But there's something so important about unleashing
what you have on the inside. A therapist's job
is not to give you advice. And I think that's
a lot of people's conception of, hey, how are
you doing? Here's my advice. Here's your homework.
Do this before our next session. And that's really
not what therapy is. Therapy is meant to verbalize
what's happening on the inside of your brain
and then help you navigate your emotions through
it, help you navigate your expectations, help
you navigate what you've experienced. and help
you get to a point of understanding and acceptance
and growth from whatever in your life is taking
you to therapy. So I have two things. One of
them is going to be a trigger warning, and I'll
talk about that second. Again, make sure you
have a support system. If you are going through
the grief, if you are going through somebody
around you, close to you, part of your life has
completed suicide, make sure you have... a support
system in place. I would also say one of the
biggest things that I did for myself was I took
control of my health and not in a diet, crazy,
whatever. I went for walks without my technology.
I completely distanced myself from my phone and
I reconnected with nature, the sounds, the smells,
foot to pavement. And that does a lot of good.
for your mental health, whether you're ready
for it or not, but definitely make sure you have
a support system. It's really important to get
all of those negative thoughts and even intentions
out of your brain because stewing on them moves
you into dangerous territory, getting them out,
speaking them. And I'm not saying create a vlog
or anything like that. And there's premeditation
in some things like that, but make sure that
you are speaking to somebody. that you trust
about the way that the suicide has impacted you
and harmed you and what you're going to do in
their honor, in their memory to make it have
meaning for you. The second thing I was going
to touch on, and I'm so sorry, trigger warning
with this. I don't know what that looks like
for a podcast, but my brother's death by suicide
was very, very hard. The second hardest suicide
that affected me personally was an eight -year
-old student. It was March of 2020 when the world
shut down due to COVID. And a student in the
school that I was teaching at that year, an eight
-year -old student committed suicide because
her safe haven was school. and nobody knew. Her
place of refuge was school, where they received
food regularly was school, and nobody knew. That
was one of the most difficult things. I had received
a phone call from the school and said, hey, I
need you to go check in on this teacher. With
no warning whatsoever of what was happening,
I went to a fellow educator's house, and I said,
hey. I'm just checking in on you. And she was
a mess. I had no idea what had happened. She
had to explain to me what had happened. I was
distraught for her and she was distraught. She
had stated in her, I think she had already retired
from teaching and had come back. So in her 30
years of education, that was the hardest thing
she ever had to do was go and speak at this little
girl's funeral. If you see something, say something.
I cannot give enough. validation to that. If
you see something, say something. Because nowhere
in, I mean, this little girl was eight. And I
think about that my daughter is seven, almost
eight. So she was second grade. The child had
been through kindergarten first and partially
through her second grade year. And nobody knew
that she was being abused at home, that she was
not being fed at home. But there had to have
been somebody who knew. Whether it was a relative
that had come to the house and saw something.
Whether it was other friends. And I'm not saying
that the eight -year -old girl's friends needed
to step out and be like, yeah, this is happening
at so -and -so's house. That's not what I'm saying.
But if other parents saw something, they needed
to say something. Be brave enough to be the villain
in somebody else's story. Absolutely. Be brave
enough. to call somebody out on their bullshit.
Be brave enough to be the villain by calling
CPS, by alerting somebody. Because there was
nobody that stepped in and said, she's not being
fed. There's nobody that stepped in and said,
I think she's in a dangerous situation. And at
eight years old, took her own life because she
couldn't fathom. but going another day without
her safe haven of school. And it's not okay.
I really appreciate that validation of being
the villain in someone's story because it echoes
the sentiment of, if as an educator, if you are
going to fail by trying to overcome the atrocities
of the system, at least fail with some level
of grace in knowing that you made that attempt
to save it for somebody. Absolutely. I threw
my career away. I threw my career away to make
sure that my 24 students could walk into their
classroom safely and I would do it again tomorrow.
What would you say is the secret sauce to education?
I think that's a double -edged sword. Quality
educators are so important. Quality education
is so important. But I feel like the students
that we are receiving in... 2025 are not the
students that we went to school to teach. How
many of your years ago? In 2019. Yeah. Yeah.
I graduated in 2012 and I went in just gung ho.
I'm going to change the world. And no, no, these
children are going to change me. I feel like
the students that we have today are not the caliber
of students that we. anticipate i say expectations
a lot because as a person who has very high expectations
of others my expectations were constantly not
being met um but it's it's a double -edged sword
unfortunately the children that we need are being
raised by competent and emotionally safe parents
And in a lot of cases, I'm not saying all, but
in a lot of cases, parents are not home because
they can no longer afford to live their life
on a single income. And that is just the nature
of the beast in today's day. So students are
being raised, children are being raised by tablets,
by television, and by others. And I'm not saying
all, this is not a blanket statement, but the
caliber of students that we are receiving in
education, is lacking in a lot of areas. So what
is the secret sauce? Presence. Being present
with your children is a secret sauce for emotionally
intelligent students. And I personally, I am
in grad school. I work full -time and I'm in
grad school full -time and I am not able to be
there. a significant amount of time with my children.
But when I am with my children, I am not on my
cell phone. I am not just sitting in front of
a TV. I am making sure that my children's emotional
needs are met. I am making sure that my children
have a safe place to come. And I feel like there
would be a lot of positive movement forward.
if there was an ability for the emotional intelligence
of adults raising emotional intelligent humans.
Amber, thank you so much today for your honesty,
your courage, and the way that you hold space
for others in this work. Your words today haven't
just been reminders, they've also served to become
rallying cries for change in how we treat teachers,
students, and ourselves when, as you hint at,
being present for emotionally intelligent students.
And for those of you listening today, be sure
to check out Amber's work at the handle at @beautifullyorganizedchaos
And remember, you don't have
to choose between caring deeply and surviving
the system. There is a way forward. Stay grounded,
stay human, and we'll see you next time on the
Classroom Narratives podcast. Thank you for joining
us on the Classroom Narratives. Healing and Education
podcast. If today's episode inspired you or made
you think differently, I'd love to hear from
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