WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.419 Welcome to the Classroom Narratives Healing in 00:00:02.419 --> 00:00:04.900 Education podcast, the space where education 00:00:04.900 --> 00:00:09.019 meets resilience. I'm Dr. Joey Weisler, and in 00:00:09.019 --> 00:00:11.400 each episode, we dive deep into the personal 00:00:11.400 --> 00:00:15.099 stories of educators, students, leaders, and 00:00:15.099 --> 00:00:18.079 frontline advocates who are navigating the complexities 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:21.260 within modern education. Whether you're just 00:00:21.260 --> 00:00:23.879 starting your teaching journey, Or are we seasoned 00:00:23.879 --> 00:00:26.239 professionals looking for inspiration, we'll 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:29.059 explore how to foster meaningful change, prevent 00:00:29.059 --> 00:00:31.859 burnout, and build trauma -informed communities 00:00:31.859 --> 00:00:34.979 within our schools. Now, let's take a seat at 00:00:34.979 --> 00:00:36.859 the front of the classroom as we get started. 00:00:37.380 --> 00:00:39.619 Welcome to the Classroom Narratives Healing and 00:00:39.619 --> 00:00:42.479 Education Podcast, where today's guest is someone 00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:45.820 whose story, like many in education, begins not 00:00:45.820 --> 00:00:47.880 in the classroom, but from the trenches of reality. 00:00:48.600 --> 00:00:51.679 Jheri South is a certified master coach, a speaker, 00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:54.619 and a mother of seven neurodivergent children. 00:00:54.899 --> 00:00:57.500 After her son's near -complete suicide attempt, 00:00:57.759 --> 00:01:01.039 she became the ADHD coach he needed to survive, 00:01:01.380 --> 00:01:03.740 channeling her lived experience into recalling. 00:01:04.420 --> 00:01:07.939 Diagnosed with ADHD herself at 40, Jheri understands 00:01:07.939 --> 00:01:11.359 rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, masking, 00:01:11.560 --> 00:01:13.799 and the quiet shame that can follow a misunderstood 00:01:13.799 --> 00:01:17.620 mind. Through Headspace Hub, she now leads workshops, 00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:21.000 programs and coaching that bring compassion and 00:01:21.000 --> 00:01:23.739 strategy to both parents and educators whether 00:01:23.739 --> 00:01:25.980 you're a new teacher trying to reach your students 00:01:25.980 --> 00:01:28.780 or a human trying to forgive yourself for what 00:01:28.780 --> 00:01:31.260 you did not know this conversation is for you 00:01:31.260 --> 00:01:34.739 welcome to the show thank you so happy to be 00:01:34.739 --> 00:01:37.340 here it's so wonderful to connect and thank you 00:01:37.340 --> 00:01:40.930 again for finding us and with your work, I wanted 00:01:40.930 --> 00:01:43.969 to start diving into a little bit about the ADHD 00:01:43.969 --> 00:01:47.829 sector. So you described becoming the ADHD coach 00:01:47.829 --> 00:01:50.349 that your son needed to survive. And I wanted 00:01:50.349 --> 00:01:52.349 to know if you can take us back to that moment 00:01:52.349 --> 00:01:55.790 where you felt a sense of transformation in your 00:01:55.790 --> 00:01:58.370 path as both a parent and a professional, and 00:01:58.370 --> 00:01:59.890 a little bit of your background and introduction 00:01:59.890 --> 00:02:02.909 for our listeners. Sure. There's a lot there. 00:02:02.969 --> 00:02:05.290 So I'm going to try to condense it. I was a single 00:02:05.290 --> 00:02:07.569 mother of six children for a long time, but at 00:02:07.569 --> 00:02:10.810 the time I was a single mother and my kids were 00:02:10.810 --> 00:02:12.909 just starting to struggle. So five of my children 00:02:12.909 --> 00:02:15.430 I had in seven and a half years. And I have to 00:02:15.430 --> 00:02:17.530 say when they were young, they were pretty easy. 00:02:17.669 --> 00:02:19.469 They weren't emptying out cupboards and writing 00:02:19.469 --> 00:02:21.129 on the wall. I remember people saying to me, 00:02:21.169 --> 00:02:23.490 you have six kids. And I really said this, I 00:02:23.490 --> 00:02:25.569 said, well, like it's hard. Like I really thought 00:02:25.569 --> 00:02:27.629 that because it wasn't hard. My kids were easy. 00:02:27.889 --> 00:02:30.009 And then they started getting into their preteen 00:02:30.009 --> 00:02:31.990 and teen years. And it's like, you-know-what 00:02:31.990 --> 00:02:35.389 hit the fan. And so I was really struggling with 00:02:35.389 --> 00:02:39.099 my son. I was not aware. that ADHD was in our 00:02:39.099 --> 00:02:41.280 family at that time. I suspected my oldest daughter, 00:02:41.360 --> 00:02:45.219 who's 29, had ADHD. It was a long time ago. I 00:02:45.219 --> 00:02:46.919 didn't believe in medication at the time, but 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:48.819 we didn't really have any diagnoses in our family. 00:02:48.900 --> 00:02:50.740 I just wasn't aware that was going on with most 00:02:50.740 --> 00:02:53.360 of my kids. And my son was really struggling 00:02:53.360 --> 00:02:55.719 and I took him everywhere. I did everything. 00:02:55.819 --> 00:02:58.219 It wasn't working. He didn't like me at all. 00:02:58.439 --> 00:03:01.659 And at the time I was already a coach. I had 00:03:01.659 --> 00:03:03.539 a lot of success in business and reinvention, 00:03:03.599 --> 00:03:05.780 and I was a single mother for a long time. And 00:03:05.780 --> 00:03:07.719 so I was helping other women. And I loved it. 00:03:07.740 --> 00:03:09.419 I never thought I would be doing anything different 00:03:09.419 --> 00:03:12.539 than that. And around that time, the women I 00:03:12.539 --> 00:03:14.639 was working with, they were begging me to do 00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:18.099 a program for teens. And I thought, no way, no 00:03:18.099 --> 00:03:20.400 way. You know, my teenage son, my oldest son, 00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:21.960 he's an adult now and he's thriving and doing 00:03:21.960 --> 00:03:23.919 great. But at the time, I think he was around 00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:26.659 14 years old. He was struggling, but I'm getting 00:03:26.659 --> 00:03:28.800 him help. He ended up in a behavioral health 00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:32.000 facility. And I really had gotten to the point 00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:34.259 where I thought I'm going to lose him. Help is 00:03:34.259 --> 00:03:37.050 not helping. And I didn't know where else to 00:03:37.050 --> 00:03:39.069 go. I'd gone to all of the best referrals I'd 00:03:39.069 --> 00:03:41.030 heard of. And there were some great counselors 00:03:41.030 --> 00:03:44.210 and therapists out there. I now have pretty strong 00:03:44.210 --> 00:03:46.650 feelings about getting help for someone who's 00:03:46.650 --> 00:03:49.969 neurodivergent by someone else who's neurodivergent 00:03:49.969 --> 00:03:52.110 and overcome their debilitating symptoms. But 00:03:52.110 --> 00:03:54.530 at that time, I didn't have the information I 00:03:54.530 --> 00:03:58.150 have now. And so I finally agreed to do a teen 00:03:58.150 --> 00:03:59.990 program. I did a pilot program. I think there 00:03:59.990 --> 00:04:03.039 was 10 or 15 kids in that class. this is not 00:04:03.039 --> 00:04:05.039 a parenting podcast today I bribed him right 00:04:05.039 --> 00:04:07.560 I was not above bribery to go to this class and 00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:10.199 it was the first thing that helped him. I would 00:04:10.199 --> 00:04:13.319 hear him behind closed doors talking to other 00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:15.659 kids that he met at this behavioral health facility 00:04:15.659 --> 00:04:19.339 and teaching them the things that he learned 00:04:19.339 --> 00:04:21.319 from me that you don't want to learn anything 00:04:21.319 --> 00:04:23.540 from me at the time and I was actually pretty 00:04:23.540 --> 00:04:26.540 shocked I knew that these tools were transformational 00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:29.639 And I knew that the way we were integrating all 00:04:29.639 --> 00:04:31.560 the different things that we knew into coaching 00:04:31.560 --> 00:04:34.420 was helpful, but I hadn't even considered that 00:04:34.420 --> 00:04:37.379 at 14, 15 years old, it could be transformational 00:04:37.379 --> 00:04:39.819 the way it was for adults. And so I immediately 00:04:39.819 --> 00:04:42.480 shifted my niche. And then I just committed myself 00:04:42.480 --> 00:04:46.639 to learning everything I could about neurodivergence. 00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:49.100 We were being diagnosed in our family, my sister, 00:04:49.220 --> 00:04:53.220 myself, and it turned out that. Six of my seven 00:04:53.220 --> 00:04:56.000 children have ADHD. Five of those children are 00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:58.459 on the autism spectrum. Everything started to 00:04:58.459 --> 00:05:00.220 make so much sense. Plus when you have ADHD, 00:05:00.459 --> 00:05:02.800 the 60 % likelihood of a comorbid condition. 00:05:03.000 --> 00:05:04.980 So we have debilitating OCD in our family. There 00:05:04.980 --> 00:05:07.779 was just so much. It was some worries many times. 00:05:07.819 --> 00:05:09.680 I just felt like I was. being hit in the face 00:05:09.680 --> 00:05:12.040 by a truck or something, because there was so 00:05:12.040 --> 00:05:14.600 much going on when they're younger years, things 00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:17.839 had been so easy. And so not to change the subject 00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:19.480 at all, but a lot of times parents will come 00:05:19.480 --> 00:05:21.600 to me and say, Oh, a doctor suspects this, or 00:05:21.600 --> 00:05:23.180 they suspect that, but they said to just wait 00:05:23.180 --> 00:05:25.360 until it becomes a problem. I do not agree with 00:05:25.360 --> 00:05:27.779 that advice at all, because my experience and 00:05:27.779 --> 00:05:30.120 the experience of many of my clients is that 00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:32.879 it will all of a sudden just hit you when hormones 00:05:32.879 --> 00:05:35.800 start raging. And this child that didn't display 00:05:35.800 --> 00:05:38.089 any kind of I don't know, executive function 00:05:38.089 --> 00:05:40.389 deficits or debilitating symptoms. It's been 00:05:40.389 --> 00:05:42.670 going on for so long because we can only see 00:05:42.670 --> 00:05:44.110 what's going on the outside, but there are things 00:05:44.110 --> 00:05:47.209 brewing on the inside. And by then, by the time 00:05:47.209 --> 00:05:49.509 behaviors really start to manifest, there's usually 00:05:49.509 --> 00:05:51.709 already a fragile self -esteem. There's a lot 00:05:51.709 --> 00:05:54.389 of comparing. There's just a lot going on. And 00:05:54.389 --> 00:05:57.069 I dedicated myself. I reached out to experts 00:05:57.069 --> 00:05:59.430 like Dr. William Dodson. I brought a camera crew. 00:05:59.490 --> 00:06:02.029 I sat in his living room for four hours and a 00:06:02.029 --> 00:06:04.610 lot of other experts too. I dedicated myself 00:06:04.610 --> 00:06:08.529 to learning everything. I could about neurodivergence. 00:06:08.610 --> 00:06:11.769 There's no one that I wouldn't call to get information. 00:06:12.110 --> 00:06:15.110 And after years now of working with teenagers 00:06:15.110 --> 00:06:17.689 and young adults and adults too, but I really 00:06:17.689 --> 00:06:21.230 focused for a long time on teenagers. My mission 00:06:21.230 --> 00:06:24.350 has been to be the person that I was looking 00:06:24.350 --> 00:06:28.209 for when I needed help and almost lost my son. 00:06:28.350 --> 00:06:30.790 And unfortunately I have had two children now 00:06:30.790 --> 00:06:32.889 who have struggled to that degree with suicidal 00:06:32.889 --> 00:06:36.240 ideation. It has definitely been. a long journey, 00:06:36.420 --> 00:06:39.379 but has helped me be the person that other families 00:06:39.379 --> 00:06:41.279 are looking for when they are struggling with 00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:44.209 their kids. I volunteer my time and I also will, 00:06:44.329 --> 00:06:46.189 of course, I get paid to go into schools, but 00:06:46.189 --> 00:06:48.750 I don't have as much time as I used to. That's 00:06:48.750 --> 00:06:51.310 why I enjoy doing podcasts is one of my favorite 00:06:51.310 --> 00:06:53.430 things to do was to go into schools and work 00:06:53.430 --> 00:06:55.550 with teachers and administrators and talking 00:06:55.550 --> 00:06:58.709 to them about ADHD and neurodivergence. And I 00:06:58.709 --> 00:07:01.329 was never in a room of administrators and teachers 00:07:01.329 --> 00:07:04.029 where they were even aware of half of the things 00:07:04.029 --> 00:07:06.529 that we were talking about. So it just takes 00:07:06.529 --> 00:07:09.069 a lot of time to do that. set aside almost an 00:07:09.069 --> 00:07:11.110 entire day to go to the schools. And so I'm not 00:07:11.110 --> 00:07:13.550 doing it as much as I used to. And the other 00:07:13.550 --> 00:07:15.430 thing is you have to really like work hard to 00:07:15.430 --> 00:07:16.889 get into schools. It's not like they're seeking 00:07:16.889 --> 00:07:18.970 you out for this information. You have to reach 00:07:18.970 --> 00:07:21.209 out to them and convince them that they need 00:07:21.209 --> 00:07:24.029 it, which that in itself is unfortunate in my 00:07:24.029 --> 00:07:25.889 opinion. So just trying to do as much work as 00:07:25.889 --> 00:07:29.209 I can in educating the educators about what else 00:07:29.209 --> 00:07:31.910 they could be doing to help neurodivergent children. 00:07:32.569 --> 00:07:33.970 Thank you so much for all that you shared with 00:07:33.970 --> 00:07:35.350 that. And it's interesting that you say that 00:07:35.350 --> 00:07:38.129 this is not a parenting podcast in a way it is 00:07:38.129 --> 00:07:41.050 because all of us as educators act in that local 00:07:41.050 --> 00:07:44.490 parenthesis role all the time. And they say statistically 00:07:44.490 --> 00:07:46.910 that our students spend a third of their day 00:07:46.910 --> 00:07:50.610 with us, a third of their day at home or doing 00:07:50.610 --> 00:07:52.889 extracurriculars outside of the classroom. Doesn't 00:07:52.889 --> 00:07:54.189 have to be with their families, but they're away 00:07:54.189 --> 00:07:57.379 from the actual classroom. And then. If all goes 00:07:57.379 --> 00:07:59.240 well, which is probably not the case, a third 00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:01.399 of their day or eight hours sleeping. I certainly 00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:03.639 didn't achieve a full eight hours when I was 00:08:03.639 --> 00:08:05.800 in the classroom as either the student or the 00:08:05.800 --> 00:08:09.600 teacher. This podcast is also dedicated to all 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:12.079 of those educators who ever walked out of their 00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:15.360 classroom at any point, any time of the day, 00:08:15.420 --> 00:08:18.439 and just thought, I wonder if that student's 00:08:18.439 --> 00:08:20.939 going to be okay before I see them again. And 00:08:20.939 --> 00:08:22.939 I speak to all the educators like myself who 00:08:22.939 --> 00:08:25.579 have had many sleepless nights worrying about 00:08:25.579 --> 00:08:29.259 children who... are not our own. I have no biological 00:08:29.259 --> 00:08:32.200 children but I always say no every year I have 00:08:32.200 --> 00:08:35.299 a family of 150. it's our job as educators to 00:08:35.299 --> 00:08:37.139 do all that we can to make sure that those kids 00:08:37.139 --> 00:08:39.600 are happy healthy and safe under our care and navigation. 00:08:40.679 --> 00:08:42.960 So in thinking about that, how many teachers 00:08:42.960 --> 00:08:45.539 meet neurodivergent students without the training 00:08:45.539 --> 00:08:48.000 to recognize what we call rejection sensitivity 00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:51.919 dysphoria, RSD. And Jheri, you spoke about that 00:08:51.919 --> 00:08:53.600 in your work quite a bit. So I wanted to see 00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:56.179 if we can begin by having you define that for 00:08:56.179 --> 00:08:59.080 us and just talk to us about what are some of 00:08:59.080 --> 00:09:02.279 the first things that new educators and those 00:09:02.279 --> 00:09:05.179 seeking further development can understand about 00:09:05.179 --> 00:09:10.029 ADHD, RSD. And things about neurodiversity that 00:09:10.029 --> 00:09:13.129 we're not always taught to do in pre -service 00:09:13.129 --> 00:09:16.629 programs until we actually get to the job. Well, 00:09:16.830 --> 00:09:19.490 yes, I love talking about RSD because here's 00:09:19.490 --> 00:09:23.169 what I wish every teacher knew about ADHD. And 00:09:23.169 --> 00:09:27.090 most weren't taught that ADHD is not just about 00:09:27.090 --> 00:09:30.789 attention or just. distractibility. It's about 00:09:30.789 --> 00:09:35.389 emotional regulation. That is just as much a 00:09:35.389 --> 00:09:37.929 debilitating, if you want to call it a symptom 00:09:37.929 --> 00:09:42.090 as the inability to focus or the hyperactivity 00:09:42.090 --> 00:09:45.649 kids with ADHD adults do, but I'm focusing on 00:09:45.649 --> 00:09:48.710 kids today. They often feel things more intensely 00:09:48.710 --> 00:09:53.129 and they will recover more slowly. So their nervous 00:09:53.129 --> 00:09:55.289 system is always working in fast forward. Their 00:09:55.289 --> 00:09:56.730 self -esteem is going to take a hit probably 00:09:56.730 --> 00:09:59.289 like 12 times before lunch. But one of the most 00:09:59.289 --> 00:10:03.490 misunderstood pieces is rejection sensitivity 00:10:03.490 --> 00:10:08.370 dysphoria, or we call it RSD. And RSD is the 00:10:08.370 --> 00:10:12.370 extreme sensitivity and sometimes external reaction 00:10:12.370 --> 00:10:16.409 to the perception that they are being rejected 00:10:16.409 --> 00:10:19.269 so I say perception because of course sometimes 00:10:19.269 --> 00:10:20.990 there's going to be rejection going on at school 00:10:20.990 --> 00:10:23.789 but the majority of the time it really is perceived 00:10:23.789 --> 00:10:27.629 and it can be triggered by teasing it can be 00:10:27.629 --> 00:10:31.309 triggered by constructive criticism even at times 00:10:31.309 --> 00:10:33.970 when it's delivered kindly kind of fluffy like 00:10:33.970 --> 00:10:36.549 I like to say by their own perceived failure 00:10:36.549 --> 00:10:39.450 or failure to meet their own expectations or 00:10:39.450 --> 00:10:43.639 someone else's disapproval and for most people 00:10:43.639 --> 00:10:45.320 that I've talked to, and this was true for me, 00:10:45.399 --> 00:10:48.100 I did not know what RSD was. I didn't know I 00:10:48.100 --> 00:10:52.620 had ADHD in my 20s. I had debilitating RSD. And 00:10:52.620 --> 00:10:55.480 it felt, I would describe it as being clawed 00:10:55.480 --> 00:10:58.039 from the inside out. It can feel like an internal 00:10:58.039 --> 00:11:01.879 wound because the pain is so intense. trigger, 00:11:01.980 --> 00:11:04.940 instant shutdown, outbursts, complete withdrawal 00:11:04.940 --> 00:11:07.860 from the situation. And so when this happens, 00:11:07.980 --> 00:11:10.919 we call it an episode. And what's important to 00:11:10.919 --> 00:11:14.500 highlight here is an RSD episode. Our goal is 00:11:14.500 --> 00:11:16.700 to try not to trigger an episode. Obviously, 00:11:16.740 --> 00:11:19.340 we can't control somebody else's emotions, but 00:11:19.340 --> 00:11:24.139 we can be aware of what just general triggers 00:11:24.139 --> 00:11:26.700 are and try to avoid those at all costs because 00:11:26.700 --> 00:11:30.019 once an episode has begun, You cannot get that 00:11:30.019 --> 00:11:32.779 child out of an episode on your own. It is not 00:11:32.779 --> 00:11:35.419 the time that many times, usually because we 00:11:35.419 --> 00:11:36.960 don't understand what's going on. We're trying 00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:39.240 to get that child to talk. We're trying to reason 00:11:39.240 --> 00:11:42.240 with them or even get them to apologize. This 00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:43.779 is not a good time when they're in the middle 00:11:43.779 --> 00:11:46.019 of an episode. They need to be able to remove 00:11:46.019 --> 00:11:48.620 themselves and calm their own nervous system 00:11:48.620 --> 00:11:53.059 down. Usually the more we try to calm them down 00:11:53.059 --> 00:11:55.559 or deescalate the situation in a way that we 00:11:55.559 --> 00:11:58.879 see fit, it will. cause the episode to be bigger. 00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:01.320 And the other thing is the more that's going 00:12:01.320 --> 00:12:03.940 on for a child. So for example, if they've experienced 00:12:03.940 --> 00:12:07.480 trauma in their life outside of ADHD, or like 00:12:07.480 --> 00:12:10.919 for me, I know in my twenties, I had some abandonment 00:12:10.919 --> 00:12:13.279 issues. My parents were divorced and some different 00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:15.379 things happened. So when I had an RSD episode, 00:12:15.500 --> 00:12:17.620 it could have nothing to do with any of that. 00:12:17.659 --> 00:12:19.240 It might be something a girlfriend said to me, 00:12:19.320 --> 00:12:22.120 the episodes would be bigger and last longer. 00:12:22.279 --> 00:12:25.379 So really the healthier that child is, the better 00:12:25.379 --> 00:12:27.240 they're doing mentally. potentially probably 00:12:27.240 --> 00:12:29.100 the easier they can get through these episodes. 00:12:29.320 --> 00:12:32.159 If they're really in a phase of struggling, you're 00:12:32.159 --> 00:12:35.059 going to see episodes happening more often. And 00:12:35.059 --> 00:12:38.240 so deescalation is not about getting to the bottom 00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:40.000 of what happened or trying to reason with that 00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:42.519 child at the time. It's about helping them calm 00:12:42.519 --> 00:12:45.779 their nervous system down. And I have a really 00:12:46.350 --> 00:12:48.409 great story if you'd like me to share it. There 00:12:48.409 --> 00:12:50.529 was a boy that I had been working with for a 00:12:50.529 --> 00:12:52.950 while because he struggled with some different 00:12:52.950 --> 00:12:56.110 things. ODD, ADHD, and his RSD was pretty extreme 00:12:56.110 --> 00:12:59.159 and he was very impulsive. So this young man 00:12:59.159 --> 00:13:01.759 had been kicked out of an elementary school already. 00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:04.919 He was doing a summer program and his history 00:13:04.919 --> 00:13:07.320 was that he really never had any friends. He 00:13:07.320 --> 00:13:09.580 was bringing chips and money to the playground, 00:13:09.759 --> 00:13:12.200 trying to bribe people to be his friend. So he 00:13:12.200 --> 00:13:14.179 really struggled internally. Anyone who wanted 00:13:14.179 --> 00:13:16.120 to be his friend, he would immediately just cling 00:13:16.120 --> 00:13:18.580 to that person. So he's doing a summer program. 00:13:19.100 --> 00:13:21.360 And this is now at a new school. And the teacher 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:23.220 doesn't know him. So usually when he starts a 00:13:23.220 --> 00:13:25.620 new school, I get involved. We're briefing the 00:13:25.620 --> 00:13:27.279 teacher and the administration on what's going 00:13:27.279 --> 00:13:28.960 on. But it's a summer program. So we didn't have 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:31.799 time to do that. So he's in this class. And the 00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:34.080 teacher really knows nothing about him. So she's 00:13:34.080 --> 00:13:36.179 managing the class, I think, as any teacher would. 00:13:36.440 --> 00:13:37.879 She's trying to keep control of the classroom. 00:13:38.059 --> 00:13:40.000 And she notices that in the back of the room, 00:13:40.120 --> 00:13:42.480 he has taken a pencil off of her desk. And he 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:45.259 looks like he's going to break it. And she tells 00:13:45.259 --> 00:13:47.200 him, hey, put my pencil back. Don't break my 00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:49.990 pencil. Put that back. What she didn't know was 00:13:49.990 --> 00:13:53.309 his history and also that he has RSD. And this 00:13:53.309 --> 00:13:55.690 kid next to him, this boy next to him is daring 00:13:55.690 --> 00:13:57.529 him to do it. He's calling him a chicken and 00:13:57.529 --> 00:13:59.470 he's triggered by that. It's like back to the 00:13:59.470 --> 00:14:02.590 future. It's like chicken. And so he's telling 00:14:02.590 --> 00:14:04.029 him, oh, you're a chicken. You're not going to 00:14:04.029 --> 00:14:06.529 break the pencil. Okay. And so for that reason 00:14:06.529 --> 00:14:10.269 alone, he breaks the pencil. Well, what the teacher 00:14:10.269 --> 00:14:12.629 did in that moment was she called him out in 00:14:12.629 --> 00:14:14.950 front of the class. I told you not to do that. 00:14:15.029 --> 00:14:17.289 What did you do? Okay, that's it. I gave you 00:14:17.289 --> 00:14:20.549 enough warning. And that triggered his RSD to 00:14:20.549 --> 00:14:23.629 a complete meltdown. Unfortunately, he was cussing 00:14:23.629 --> 00:14:26.629 at the teacher and he was yelling. So anyways, 00:14:26.789 --> 00:14:29.450 he goes to the office. He gets kicked out of 00:14:29.450 --> 00:14:32.070 the summer program. His dad is extremely upset. 00:14:32.230 --> 00:14:33.750 He tells him he's grounding him from the summer 00:14:33.750 --> 00:14:35.470 for, from video games. It's the beginning of 00:14:35.470 --> 00:14:37.470 the summer. He ends up in my office that day 00:14:37.470 --> 00:14:40.269 and he's crying. I mean, I think at the time 00:14:40.269 --> 00:14:43.070 he's in fourth grade and from his perspective, 00:14:43.190 --> 00:14:46.519 he said it was a pencil. It was a pencil. What 00:14:46.519 --> 00:14:49.919 was the big deal? And what he said was, if she 00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:51.860 would have just pulled me aside and talked to 00:14:51.860 --> 00:14:54.919 me, I would have apologized. But she purposely 00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:58.740 humiliated me in front of the entire class. She 00:14:58.740 --> 00:15:01.759 targeted me is what he kept saying. Now, I'm 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:04.440 sure the teacher didn't see it that way. But 00:15:04.440 --> 00:15:09.480 she had no experience with ADHD or RSD. She doesn't 00:15:09.480 --> 00:15:12.539 know. And a simple fix like that. So she ended 00:15:12.539 --> 00:15:14.740 up having him for the rest of the following school 00:15:14.740 --> 00:15:17.179 year. And she did not have problems like that 00:15:17.179 --> 00:15:20.019 with him anymore. To that school's credit, I 00:15:20.019 --> 00:15:21.820 talked to the principal and explained this to 00:15:21.820 --> 00:15:24.259 him. He brought me in to talk to all the teachers 00:15:24.259 --> 00:15:27.500 and administrators. And just that understanding 00:15:27.500 --> 00:15:30.779 RSD and how episodes are triggered. They just 00:15:30.779 --> 00:15:33.240 didn't call him out in public anymore. And that 00:15:33.240 --> 00:15:35.659 kept, we're trying to prevent these episodes 00:15:35.659 --> 00:15:38.019 because when these episodes come on, I mean, 00:15:38.019 --> 00:15:40.399 he's in here crying. He feels so much shame for 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:43.019 the way he behaves. And that's very common with 00:15:43.019 --> 00:15:45.340 an RSD episode. Sometimes the clients I work 00:15:45.340 --> 00:15:47.600 with, they can't even remember what they say 00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:49.919 in the middle of an episode because they just 00:15:49.919 --> 00:15:52.960 see red. Many of them can, but they do not have 00:15:52.960 --> 00:15:56.279 control over themselves. Someone with ADHD or 00:15:56.279 --> 00:15:58.759 neurodivergent, they're already three years behind 00:15:58.759 --> 00:16:01.889 in executive. function deficits or skills. So 00:16:01.889 --> 00:16:04.570 somebody who is 10 years old is really at a seven 00:16:04.570 --> 00:16:06.970 -year -old level with executive functioning. 00:16:07.309 --> 00:16:09.110 So you've got to take that into consideration. 00:16:09.250 --> 00:16:12.210 And then when RSD comes on, they don't have control 00:16:12.210 --> 00:16:14.129 over their impulses if they really struggle with 00:16:14.129 --> 00:16:16.909 impulse control. So he's just crying. He feels 00:16:16.909 --> 00:16:19.909 terrible. He's humiliated. Just the teacher making 00:16:19.909 --> 00:16:22.909 those small adjustments of understanding RSD 00:16:22.909 --> 00:16:26.990 gave him a completely different school and learning 00:16:26.990 --> 00:16:29.129 experience for the rest of the year because she 00:16:29.129 --> 00:16:33.129 took the time to understand this child. Thank 00:16:33.129 --> 00:16:36.210 you so much for what a powerful anecdote. What 00:16:36.210 --> 00:16:38.750 are some ways that we can continue to include 00:16:38.750 --> 00:16:40.429 all different types of learners and learning 00:16:40.429 --> 00:16:43.210 styles as a way that nobody gets shut out of 00:16:43.210 --> 00:16:46.139 their ability to learn? There's so many things, 00:16:46.220 --> 00:16:49.159 right? Because even just thinking of ADHD versus 00:16:49.159 --> 00:16:52.039 autism and triggers and what their needs are, 00:16:52.139 --> 00:16:54.679 even though I feel like both are technically 00:16:54.679 --> 00:16:56.860 on a spectrum because it looks so different. 00:16:56.980 --> 00:17:01.029 I think that. first of all, learning about these 00:17:01.029 --> 00:17:03.169 things. I know here in Arizona, and I think it's 00:17:03.169 --> 00:17:04.930 this way in a lot of the states across the US, 00:17:05.029 --> 00:17:09.529 there is no required training at all for any 00:17:09.529 --> 00:17:12.269 of the administrators or the teachers in neurodivergence, 00:17:12.269 --> 00:17:14.430 which is not a good thing for the schools. There 00:17:14.430 --> 00:17:16.950 have been times I've ended up in meetings where 00:17:16.950 --> 00:17:18.950 they're trying to expel a child and the teacher 00:17:18.950 --> 00:17:21.430 has all the documentation and then... She finds 00:17:21.430 --> 00:17:23.730 out that she didn't do any of the things that 00:17:23.730 --> 00:17:25.750 were required of her and they didn't offer additional 00:17:25.750 --> 00:17:28.829 testing. And so there really is a liability for 00:17:28.829 --> 00:17:31.109 teachers today who don't have the training. That 00:17:31.109 --> 00:17:32.930 teacher ended up getting fired. It wasn't even 00:17:32.930 --> 00:17:34.349 the school's decision. It went all the way up 00:17:34.349 --> 00:17:37.309 to the top because she came in. She was told 00:17:37.309 --> 00:17:39.230 you have this challenging class. Don't let them 00:17:39.230 --> 00:17:40.970 take advantage of you. So she just came in and 00:17:40.970 --> 00:17:43.109 decided to strong arm them. I don't blame her. 00:17:43.170 --> 00:17:45.009 She just had such a lack of knowledge when it 00:17:45.009 --> 00:17:47.289 came to neurodivergence. You can't do that with 00:17:47.289 --> 00:17:49.910 a kid with ODD. Oh man, he dug in his heels. 00:17:49.950 --> 00:17:52.000 It turned. into a huge battle. So I think the 00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:55.480 first step would just be become more aware of 00:17:55.480 --> 00:17:59.119 just like general information about autism and 00:17:59.119 --> 00:18:01.619 ADHD, because it's interesting. I specialize 00:18:01.619 --> 00:18:04.680 in ADHD. I probably have more kids on the spectrum 00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:07.089 right now that I'm coaching than not. because 00:18:07.089 --> 00:18:10.069 the ADHD comorbidity is so high. So a lot of 00:18:10.069 --> 00:18:12.130 teachers can see a child kind of struggling and 00:18:12.130 --> 00:18:13.730 they think, okay, I'm just going to push them 00:18:13.730 --> 00:18:16.089 and get them over this hump. Even though their 00:18:16.089 --> 00:18:18.710 504 might say that they have anxiety, don't call 00:18:18.710 --> 00:18:20.269 them out. And they'll call them up into the front 00:18:20.269 --> 00:18:22.190 of the classroom to get them out of their shell. 00:18:22.309 --> 00:18:23.690 It's like, we can't be the ones that are, we 00:18:23.690 --> 00:18:26.390 have to follow these plans. And so understanding, 00:18:26.490 --> 00:18:28.589 first of all, what the signs are, what are some 00:18:28.589 --> 00:18:29.970 different things that kids are struggling with 00:18:29.970 --> 00:18:31.769 today? There's just an extreme amount of anxiety 00:18:31.769 --> 00:18:34.990 that kids have today. But I think also whether 00:18:34.990 --> 00:18:38.930 it's OCD, or autism or ODD or ADHD. I don't know 00:18:38.930 --> 00:18:41.849 any child that benefits from being isolated from 00:18:41.849 --> 00:18:44.769 the group, being publicly shamed, being sent 00:18:44.769 --> 00:18:47.490 to the back of the classroom. This same boy that 00:18:47.490 --> 00:18:49.849 I told a story about when he was in third grade, 00:18:49.930 --> 00:18:52.230 he was just very hyper and they all had laptops. 00:18:52.349 --> 00:18:55.410 And so he had damaged his, he did, but for the 00:18:55.410 --> 00:18:58.109 rest of the year, they wouldn't give him a laptop. 00:18:58.170 --> 00:19:00.450 He had a paper every time everyone else had to 00:19:00.450 --> 00:19:02.259 get out their laptop, which was every day. His 00:19:02.259 --> 00:19:05.519 RSD was triggered every single day. We want to 00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:08.859 understand instead of trying to control a child's 00:19:08.859 --> 00:19:10.720 behavior, you're never going to win with that. 00:19:10.859 --> 00:19:13.740 We want to ask ourselves, okay, what does this 00:19:13.740 --> 00:19:17.259 child need to feel safe? Behavior is communication. 00:19:18.119 --> 00:19:20.940 These kids, at least ADHD kids, they come home 00:19:20.940 --> 00:19:23.720 feeling a large amount of shame that they're 00:19:23.720 --> 00:19:27.279 not good enough, that they receive 20 ,000 additional 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:30.400 corrective messages by age 10 compared to the 00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:34.019 average or neurotypical child. Fragile self -esteem, 00:19:34.039 --> 00:19:36.519 they're just walking around, masking, trying 00:19:36.519 --> 00:19:39.519 to fit in. I commend teachers for the hard work 00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:41.140 that they do. It's very difficult, especially 00:19:41.140 --> 00:19:42.539 when you get into junior high and high school. 00:19:42.700 --> 00:19:45.299 I get it. Some of the clients I work with, I 00:19:45.299 --> 00:19:46.740 think, oh, it'd be their teacher. They're coming 00:19:46.740 --> 00:19:49.039 in every day, just causing problems, but they 00:19:49.039 --> 00:19:51.059 can't control their impulses. We need to understand 00:19:51.059 --> 00:19:53.599 that because it seems like they can control it. 00:19:53.619 --> 00:19:56.019 Sometimes we expect them to control it all the 00:19:56.019 --> 00:19:58.599 time. If you don't understand ADHD, this is another 00:19:58.599 --> 00:20:02.089 thing I see. You might have a child who let's 00:20:02.089 --> 00:20:03.730 say they have ADHD and they struggle on math 00:20:03.730 --> 00:20:05.750 and they're failing, failing, failing. And then 00:20:05.750 --> 00:20:07.789 all of a sudden they do great on a math test. 00:20:07.849 --> 00:20:10.150 They get an 80 % and everybody, the teachers, 00:20:10.250 --> 00:20:13.390 the parents say, see, see, you just weren't trying 00:20:13.390 --> 00:20:16.029 hard enough. And that's so damaging for the child. 00:20:16.450 --> 00:20:18.849 ADHDers don't understand why sometimes they can 00:20:18.849 --> 00:20:20.549 get their brain into hyper -focus and sometimes 00:20:20.549 --> 00:20:23.900 they can't. And so. For whatever reason, the 00:20:23.900 --> 00:20:26.400 ADHD brain, when something's urgent, when they're 00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:28.740 worried they're going to fail, like it's final 00:20:28.740 --> 00:20:30.960 grade, or this is going to make a huge impact 00:20:30.960 --> 00:20:34.420 in some way, they can force their brain to focus 00:20:34.420 --> 00:20:36.279 on something that they have not been able to 00:20:36.279 --> 00:20:39.019 focus on for the last two weeks. They don't know 00:20:39.019 --> 00:20:41.640 how to turn their abilities on naturally. Most 00:20:41.640 --> 00:20:45.099 adults don't. So when we as adults don't understand 00:20:45.099 --> 00:20:47.660 these disorders, that's what they are, right? 00:20:47.799 --> 00:20:50.420 Medically speaking, if we don't understand them 00:20:50.420 --> 00:20:53.190 and we are just deciding because we don't like 00:20:53.190 --> 00:20:55.690 their behavior or because it seems like they're 00:20:55.690 --> 00:20:58.089 being lazy or they did good yesterday, but they're 00:20:58.089 --> 00:21:00.269 not doing good today, that they do have control 00:21:00.269 --> 00:21:03.569 over this. I really do think that can be when 00:21:03.569 --> 00:21:06.230 we talk about trauma, big T, little t. Trauma 00:21:06.230 --> 00:21:08.839 isn't just... big things like violence, and it 00:21:08.839 --> 00:21:11.400 can also be the little things at school, being 00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:14.420 isolated, feeling rejected, being misunderstood. 00:21:14.819 --> 00:21:17.779 Every ADHD -er feels misunderstood, whether they're 00:21:17.779 --> 00:21:20.500 a child or an adult. That can have, over time, 00:21:20.579 --> 00:21:23.319 the same effect on the nervous system. So if 00:21:23.319 --> 00:21:26.299 we don't understand it, go understand it. Go 00:21:26.299 --> 00:21:28.119 read. There's a lot of information out there 00:21:28.119 --> 00:21:30.660 so that we can help these children. If someone's 00:21:30.660 --> 00:21:33.220 being disruptive, instead of isolating them, 00:21:33.400 --> 00:21:35.099 put a little note in the envelope and let them 00:21:35.099 --> 00:21:38.970 be your errand. person for a few minutes. ADHDers 00:21:38.970 --> 00:21:42.049 actually learn better when they're walking around, 00:21:42.190 --> 00:21:43.549 they're touching things, they're using their 00:21:43.549 --> 00:21:45.569 body, they're in groups, they're in partners, 00:21:45.710 --> 00:21:48.009 they're able to talk and we're asking them to 00:21:48.009 --> 00:21:51.470 sit still and not fidget. So it's hard for them 00:21:51.470 --> 00:21:53.309 and they're bored and they're checking out. So 00:21:53.309 --> 00:21:56.130 give them more breaks, let them be the leader. 00:21:56.250 --> 00:21:58.690 I've never met an ADHDer that doesn't just rise 00:21:58.690 --> 00:22:01.190 to the occasion. As soon as they're given a leadership 00:22:01.190 --> 00:22:03.150 responsibility, they're in charge of something, 00:22:03.230 --> 00:22:05.089 they're watching the time, they're going to be 00:22:05.089 --> 00:22:08.130 the one. leader. We need them to keep track or 00:22:08.130 --> 00:22:10.690 sit at the teacher's desk or take notes, be in 00:22:10.690 --> 00:22:12.950 charge of the whistle, be creative. When we're 00:22:12.950 --> 00:22:15.369 creative, we can find solutions to help these 00:22:15.369 --> 00:22:17.950 children thrive. And it can be the difference 00:22:17.950 --> 00:22:21.130 between school being the place where they're 00:22:21.130 --> 00:22:23.930 experiencing trauma and school being the place 00:22:23.930 --> 00:22:26.210 that they're thriving. I've actually had students 00:22:26.210 --> 00:22:28.829 come to me at the very end of the term, and they 00:22:28.829 --> 00:22:32.009 said to me, four months of me knowing them. They 00:22:32.009 --> 00:22:34.829 would be like my top of the top performers. They 00:22:34.829 --> 00:22:36.589 would be like, hey, your class helped me because 00:22:36.589 --> 00:22:39.650 I'm a neurodivergent learner. And the reason 00:22:39.650 --> 00:22:41.789 why they would say that is because I value flexibility 00:22:41.789 --> 00:22:45.049 and creativity. What are some ways that we can 00:22:45.049 --> 00:22:49.890 allow the hyper -focused brain to maximally function 00:22:49.890 --> 00:22:54.500 in a standards -based classroom? Well, I think 00:22:54.500 --> 00:22:56.900 the word you just used is very appropriate, being 00:22:56.900 --> 00:22:59.660 flexible, especially when I'm talking to parents. 00:22:59.740 --> 00:23:01.700 I'm usually working with parents and I go to 00:23:01.700 --> 00:23:04.619 IEP and 504 meetings to make sure all the accommodations 00:23:04.619 --> 00:23:07.009 are there. And what are accommodations for? It's 00:23:07.009 --> 00:23:09.150 just to help this child succeed that does not 00:23:09.150 --> 00:23:11.230 learn well in a traditional learning environment. 00:23:11.369 --> 00:23:13.250 And by the way, school, I'm not a huge fan of 00:23:13.250 --> 00:23:14.789 the way we do school. We haven't changed it for 00:23:14.789 --> 00:23:17.289 how many years. I mean, these kids are bored 00:23:17.289 --> 00:23:19.289 out of their mind. Unfortunately, that's just 00:23:19.289 --> 00:23:21.690 the truth. I'm meeting with teenagers and young 00:23:21.690 --> 00:23:23.890 adults all day, every day. And that's the first 00:23:23.890 --> 00:23:26.710 thing I hear. I'm so bored in school. And so 00:23:26.710 --> 00:23:29.289 we have these kids who are writing papers that 00:23:29.289 --> 00:23:31.529 they don't care anything about. They're learning 00:23:31.529 --> 00:23:33.430 about things that they believe they'll never 00:23:33.430 --> 00:23:35.470 have to use again, whether they will or not. 00:23:35.849 --> 00:23:38.009 is yet to be seen. One thing that I see schools 00:23:38.009 --> 00:23:39.910 get really caught up in is this is the way we 00:23:39.910 --> 00:23:41.609 do things. And we have to treat everyone the 00:23:41.609 --> 00:23:43.890 same. And especially for neurodivergent kids, 00:23:44.009 --> 00:23:45.869 some of the punishments, if you will, are just 00:23:45.869 --> 00:23:47.609 totally the wrong way to go about things. But 00:23:47.609 --> 00:23:49.569 it's like, this is how we do it. Or a teacher 00:23:49.569 --> 00:23:51.150 will have an assignment. It's like, this is what 00:23:51.150 --> 00:23:54.589 we're riding on. ADHDers, it's not like they 00:23:54.589 --> 00:23:56.190 should just be able to go out and pick all of 00:23:56.190 --> 00:23:58.029 their assignments and choose what they're learning 00:23:58.029 --> 00:24:00.109 about all the time, but give them a choice. Too 00:24:00.109 --> 00:24:02.269 many choices causes them to shut down. They can't 00:24:02.269 --> 00:24:05.420 make a decision, but give them two choices. Or 00:24:05.420 --> 00:24:09.039 have kind of a theme and let them come to you 00:24:09.039 --> 00:24:11.299 and say, hey, I think this falls under the umbrella 00:24:11.299 --> 00:24:14.000 of what we're trying to accomplish here. Can 00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:17.660 I write about this person? So with the ADHD brain, 00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:19.720 what we know about the neurotypical brain is 00:24:19.720 --> 00:24:22.200 that if something is important or there's going 00:24:22.200 --> 00:24:24.500 to be a reward at the end, someone who's neurotypical 00:24:24.500 --> 00:24:26.420 can get their brain engaged and just get it done. 00:24:26.779 --> 00:24:29.140 Those two things are utterly useless for the 00:24:29.140 --> 00:24:32.960 ADHD brain. The ADHD brain will only work if 00:24:32.960 --> 00:24:35.359 there's something that's novelty. something that 00:24:35.359 --> 00:24:37.799 interests them, something that's a challenge 00:24:37.799 --> 00:24:40.599 or competition, something that's urgent, and 00:24:40.599 --> 00:24:42.140 something that they're passionate about. If one 00:24:42.140 --> 00:24:43.819 of those five things is not present, they will 00:24:43.819 --> 00:24:46.819 sit there in ADHD paralysis. So the difference 00:24:46.819 --> 00:24:49.619 between them writing an awesome paper and failing 00:24:49.619 --> 00:24:51.660 that assignment or even being able to get started 00:24:51.660 --> 00:24:53.500 is just writing about something that they're 00:24:53.500 --> 00:24:55.500 interested in. I know we can't accomplish that 00:24:55.500 --> 00:24:57.920 100 % of the time, but if we can be flexible, 00:24:58.079 --> 00:25:00.859 if we can, we're not. just giving homework and 00:25:00.859 --> 00:25:02.299 assignments just to give work, right? We're looking 00:25:02.299 --> 00:25:05.559 for competency. So adjusting assignments, recognizing 00:25:05.559 --> 00:25:08.539 what that child needs. ADHDers work better in 00:25:08.539 --> 00:25:10.680 partners. The body doubling is a thing. They 00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:12.380 work better in groups. They work better if they 00:25:12.380 --> 00:25:14.579 can stand up and they can touch things. The other 00:25:14.579 --> 00:25:17.519 thing about ADHDers is they really need a visual. 00:25:17.619 --> 00:25:20.140 If you can show this is what an A -plus project 00:25:20.140 --> 00:25:23.519 looked like last year, now they can do it because 00:25:23.519 --> 00:25:26.579 ADHDers start at the end and work their way backwards 00:25:26.579 --> 00:25:29.420 to the beginning. It's just the way they learn 00:25:29.420 --> 00:25:31.859 is so different than the neurotypical brain. 00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:34.279 So sometimes even these kids are being labeled 00:25:34.279 --> 00:25:37.359 as not very smart, right? And that's actually 00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:40.339 not true. They're incredibly creative. They just 00:25:40.339 --> 00:25:43.299 learn differently. So as teachers, I think we're 00:25:43.299 --> 00:25:46.700 challenged with how do we help them get their 00:25:46.700 --> 00:25:49.500 brain engaged? What is it they need? And so they 00:25:49.500 --> 00:25:51.640 know they're teachers. They know if it's a teacher 00:25:51.640 --> 00:25:54.480 they can approach. Half of the problem with the 00:25:54.480 --> 00:25:56.900 kids I'm talking to, young adults and teenagers, 00:25:57.099 --> 00:25:58.720 is they don't feel that they can approach their 00:25:58.720 --> 00:26:01.319 teacher or even their professor. That is no way 00:26:01.319 --> 00:26:04.579 I would never do that. So we want to be approachable. 00:26:04.660 --> 00:26:07.859 We want to be flexible. We're there to help them 00:26:07.859 --> 00:26:10.180 learn. And if the traditional learning system 00:26:10.180 --> 00:26:12.500 is not working for them, then we want to get 00:26:12.500 --> 00:26:16.299 creative about what is it that they need so that 00:26:16.299 --> 00:26:18.359 they can shine, so they can show off what they 00:26:18.359 --> 00:26:22.380 really can do. ADHDers love visualization. They 00:26:22.380 --> 00:26:24.920 love storytelling. They love anything that's 00:26:24.920 --> 00:26:26.640 going to provide any kind of entertainment that 00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:28.779 provides a huge task in front of the teacher 00:26:28.779 --> 00:26:31.460 or the educator to get these kids engaged. But 00:26:31.460 --> 00:26:33.579 it's not just ADHDers anymore. We're competing 00:26:33.579 --> 00:26:36.039 with video games now and all kinds of technology. 00:26:36.279 --> 00:26:38.859 The days of just sitting there in a lecture, 00:26:39.019 --> 00:26:41.359 in my opinion, for anyone who has a brain like 00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:44.839 mine are gone. It doesn't matter how much, like 00:26:44.839 --> 00:26:47.259 maybe I just need that credit and I want to do 00:26:47.259 --> 00:26:50.019 a good job. It doesn't matter how much. I want 00:26:50.019 --> 00:26:52.759 to succeed. That's going to be nearly impossible 00:26:52.759 --> 00:26:55.200 for me to just sit in a long lecture about something 00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:57.500 that I don't care about at all. So find a way 00:26:57.500 --> 00:26:59.880 to get them to care. Like you said, culture has 00:26:59.880 --> 00:27:02.059 now been competing against us for quite some 00:27:02.059 --> 00:27:04.579 time. And one thing that I've learned in my studies 00:27:04.579 --> 00:27:07.000 is that it's becoming less about just as important, 00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:09.809 but it's less of now. Yes, teachers still need 00:27:09.809 --> 00:27:12.170 to build relationships with students. But what 00:27:12.170 --> 00:27:14.069 I found more important is that students build 00:27:14.069 --> 00:27:17.289 partnerships with each other. I think once the 00:27:17.289 --> 00:27:19.430 students work together as a collective community, 00:27:19.769 --> 00:27:23.529 that's what lets the environment thrive. I get 00:27:23.529 --> 00:27:25.730 the students to know who's around them and students 00:27:25.730 --> 00:27:28.210 like, this is the college class. Why do I need 00:27:28.210 --> 00:27:30.329 to know the 27 bodies that are here to learn? 00:27:30.410 --> 00:27:33.470 Yeah, you absolutely do. Because if you can validate 00:27:33.470 --> 00:27:36.670 in the conversational environment what that person 00:27:36.670 --> 00:27:39.670 sees and they're beyond just a face to you, they're 00:27:39.670 --> 00:27:42.430 a story sitting next to you, then that actually 00:27:42.430 --> 00:27:44.769 allows the whole entire climate to transform 00:27:44.769 --> 00:27:47.369 in a way that really maximizes everyone with 00:27:47.369 --> 00:27:49.529 their outcomes in that room. And as a teacher, 00:27:49.569 --> 00:27:51.410 you're building relationships by having those 00:27:51.410 --> 00:27:54.160 students get to learn about each other. I am 00:27:54.160 --> 00:27:55.740 so impressed listening to this because you just 00:27:55.740 --> 00:27:58.039 don't hear this very often, even at just the 00:27:58.039 --> 00:28:00.660 lower level. I think that what you'll probably 00:28:00.660 --> 00:28:03.240 find and what I found when I'm doing different 00:28:03.240 --> 00:28:05.819 workshops and things like that is that in the 00:28:05.819 --> 00:28:08.519 beginning, they might object. Definitely resistance 00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:11.279 sometimes. Yes, exactly. They're just sitting 00:28:11.279 --> 00:28:13.759 there. This is what they're used to doing. They're 00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:15.539 not going to have to be involved if they don't 00:28:15.539 --> 00:28:18.960 want to be, but very rarely. If you're good at 00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:20.759 doing this and it sounds like you are and getting 00:28:20.759 --> 00:28:23.180 them to engage with each other, getting them 00:28:23.180 --> 00:28:26.839 to connect on some level, they'll walk away glad 00:28:26.839 --> 00:28:29.700 that it happened because social connection and 00:28:29.700 --> 00:28:31.660 interaction is always better than isolation. 00:28:32.079 --> 00:28:33.960 And even for the ones that are uncomfortable, 00:28:34.220 --> 00:28:36.079 especially the ones that have social anxiety, 00:28:36.299 --> 00:28:38.779 that happens a lot with neurodivergence, especially 00:28:38.779 --> 00:28:40.819 for those that are on the spectrum, they do not 00:28:40.819 --> 00:28:43.460 want that. But then because the teacher asked 00:28:43.460 --> 00:28:44.980 them to do it, it feels more like an assignment. 00:28:45.119 --> 00:28:47.160 They actually make a friend that they might be. 00:28:47.180 --> 00:28:49.259 for the last six months, we're dying to make. 00:28:49.380 --> 00:28:52.400 In my opinion, very rarely will anything negative 00:28:52.400 --> 00:28:55.000 come from this situation that you are outlining 00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:57.539 here. I think it is mostly positive. So I think 00:28:57.539 --> 00:28:59.700 the advice, and this is really your idea, not 00:28:59.700 --> 00:29:02.079 mine, but the advice from this for me would be, 00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:04.920 even if it seems as though the students are resistant 00:29:04.920 --> 00:29:07.559 or they have a bad attitude about it, I can almost 00:29:07.559 --> 00:29:09.880 guarantee that even if you never know about it, 00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:11.319 there's going to be a lot of positive outcomes 00:29:11.319 --> 00:29:13.920 that come from this style of learning more than 00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:15.799 just that they were paying attention. They're 00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:18.160 going to gain a lot more than that. Again, we 00:29:18.160 --> 00:29:20.220 only see what's going on on the outside. We don't 00:29:20.220 --> 00:29:21.960 understand what's going on on the inside. That's 00:29:21.960 --> 00:29:25.140 especially true for neurodivergence. And so we 00:29:25.140 --> 00:29:27.759 don't ever want to assume anything that these 00:29:27.759 --> 00:29:32.240 kids are dying for connection, for new relationships 00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:35.680 in their lives. And for so many reasons that 00:29:35.680 --> 00:29:37.460 we don't have to dive into, but we all know they're 00:29:37.460 --> 00:29:39.500 struggling with that. We're struggling with communicating. 00:29:39.599 --> 00:29:42.380 We're struggling with interaction. And some of 00:29:42.380 --> 00:29:44.349 them don't know how to do it at all. Thinking 00:29:44.349 --> 00:29:46.250 about a question that you kind of mentioned earlier 00:29:46.250 --> 00:29:48.369 with this, I want to bring it back to that. You 00:29:48.369 --> 00:29:50.490 asked the question when it comes to being in 00:29:50.490 --> 00:29:52.670 classrooms, what does this child need to feel 00:29:52.670 --> 00:29:55.230 safe? And I think about that from a physical 00:29:55.230 --> 00:29:58.250 standpoint after Stoneman Douglas, but also an 00:29:58.250 --> 00:30:00.630 emotional standpoint after seeing my friend lose 00:30:00.630 --> 00:30:04.930 his life to suicide. And if ADHD behaviors mirror 00:30:04.930 --> 00:30:08.069 trauma and vice versa, can you help us unpack 00:30:08.069 --> 00:30:11.089 how schools might be amplifying that cycle and 00:30:11.089 --> 00:30:13.250 what we can do to acknowledge and reduce it? 00:30:14.220 --> 00:30:17.220 Well, I do think that there is a huge overlap 00:30:17.220 --> 00:30:19.880 between ADHD and trauma. And it's really, in 00:30:19.880 --> 00:30:21.700 my opinion, one of the most misunderstood areas 00:30:21.700 --> 00:30:24.680 in education. ADHD and trauma share symptoms 00:30:24.680 --> 00:30:28.240 like impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, zoning 00:30:28.240 --> 00:30:31.339 out, restlessness. So both can cause emotional 00:30:31.339 --> 00:30:34.700 outbursts, shutdowns, or forgetfulness, even 00:30:34.700 --> 00:30:37.299 like difficulty following directions. So the 00:30:37.299 --> 00:30:40.579 behaviors look the same, but the reasons behind 00:30:40.579 --> 00:30:44.519 them. are usually very different. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental 00:30:44.519 --> 00:30:47.180 issue and trauma is situational, but both affect 00:30:47.180 --> 00:30:50.480 the nervous system. And schools, many times at 00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:52.460 no fault of their own, they don't understand 00:30:52.460 --> 00:30:54.859 the why. And so when schools only look at the 00:30:54.859 --> 00:30:58.259 behavior without asking what's underneath, they 00:30:58.259 --> 00:31:01.640 really do risk amplifying that trauma loop. And 00:31:01.640 --> 00:31:03.799 I think I mentioned earlier, a lot of times we 00:31:03.799 --> 00:31:06.900 think of trauma as abuse or neglect or violence, 00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:10.079 but really it's that. all the other little things 00:31:10.079 --> 00:31:12.420 that happening at school, the isolation, the 00:31:12.420 --> 00:31:14.700 public shaming, the being called out that have 00:31:14.700 --> 00:31:16.839 a very powerful effect on the nervous system 00:31:16.839 --> 00:31:21.819 as well. I think that recognizing that when it 00:31:21.819 --> 00:31:26.369 comes to. the school system and the way that 00:31:26.369 --> 00:31:29.670 we are looking at neurodivergence, the way that 00:31:29.670 --> 00:31:32.970 we are reacting to these kids. I think about 00:31:32.970 --> 00:31:36.410 like just stereotypical ADHD, or a lot of times 00:31:36.410 --> 00:31:38.089 it's with boys, they're just hyper and they're 00:31:38.089 --> 00:31:40.710 causing problems and they're impulsive. And the 00:31:40.710 --> 00:31:43.950 way that we are. reacting to them. If I was a 00:31:43.950 --> 00:31:45.930 teacher, I could see myself getting frustrated 00:31:45.930 --> 00:31:49.170 or tired of their behavior, but recognizing that 00:31:49.170 --> 00:31:51.130 the way we respond to them will make all the 00:31:51.130 --> 00:31:53.210 difference in their lives. And I referenced Dr. 00:31:53.309 --> 00:31:55.609 William Dodson quite a bit because I have so 00:31:55.609 --> 00:31:57.809 much respect for him and the work that he does. 00:31:57.890 --> 00:32:00.769 I feel that he's not well known enough. So if 00:32:00.769 --> 00:32:02.329 you haven't heard of him, I would strongly recommend 00:32:02.329 --> 00:32:04.269 looking him up because he just came out with 00:32:04.269 --> 00:32:07.390 his book and he's fantastic. I consider him to 00:32:07.390 --> 00:32:09.890 be one of the top ADHD doctors in the United 00:32:09.890 --> 00:32:13.019 States, but he talked about about that specialists 00:32:13.019 --> 00:32:17.519 look back at ADHD cases from years ago, adults 00:32:17.519 --> 00:32:20.039 that are much older adults now who had really 00:32:20.039 --> 00:32:23.160 survived their ADHD without really any treatment 00:32:23.160 --> 00:32:25.079 because they were lacking so much years ago. 00:32:25.180 --> 00:32:28.039 And they interviewed those and found that those 00:32:28.039 --> 00:32:30.160 that were thriving, that were able to be successful 00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:32.960 in life and overcome their executive function 00:32:32.960 --> 00:32:35.900 deficits or any self -confidence issues, they 00:32:35.900 --> 00:32:38.380 all had one thing in common. And that was that 00:32:38.380 --> 00:32:41.319 they had a cheerleader in their life. They had 00:32:41.319 --> 00:32:43.380 someone who told them, Hey, whatever is going 00:32:43.380 --> 00:32:47.039 on with you, it is not your fault. You are doing 00:32:47.039 --> 00:32:51.059 the best that you can. And if you are still struggling, 00:32:51.200 --> 00:32:54.619 then it's not for your lack of trying. We must 00:32:54.619 --> 00:32:56.970 have missed something. It's not your fault. And 00:32:56.970 --> 00:32:59.250 we will figure this out together. We haven't 00:32:59.250 --> 00:33:01.369 given you the help or the support that you need 00:33:01.369 --> 00:33:04.329 fully. And so I'm in this with you. We will figure 00:33:04.329 --> 00:33:07.430 out together how to get you what you need. And 00:33:07.430 --> 00:33:10.869 so I think feeling safe, especially at school 00:33:10.869 --> 00:33:14.049 where there's so much comparing going on, we 00:33:14.049 --> 00:33:16.930 talk about fight, flight, freeze, or, and usually 00:33:16.930 --> 00:33:19.609 we use the word fawn, which I do think that kids 00:33:19.609 --> 00:33:22.250 with ADHD, they fawn, they mask, they become 00:33:22.250 --> 00:33:23.950 people pleasers. They're comparing themselves 00:33:23.950 --> 00:33:25.849 to everyone they're used to. being left out. 00:33:25.950 --> 00:33:28.609 I think it was something like a really high number, 00:33:28.690 --> 00:33:31.970 like 60 or 70 % of kids by age 10 who have ADHD 00:33:31.970 --> 00:33:34.269 haven't been invited to a single birthday party. 00:33:34.349 --> 00:33:36.509 They're in people's faces and they're loud and 00:33:36.509 --> 00:33:38.509 they're interrupting and they can be labeled 00:33:38.509 --> 00:33:41.450 as obnoxious. And so these kids are struggling 00:33:41.450 --> 00:33:45.589 to fit in and to be accepted. But I also like 00:33:45.589 --> 00:33:47.950 to, instead of the word fun, use the word fib. 00:33:48.009 --> 00:33:51.269 We also find the ADHD years. don't tell the truth 00:33:51.269 --> 00:33:54.609 a lot of the time, but it's not usually because 00:33:54.609 --> 00:33:57.130 they are trying to express any kind of defiance. 00:33:57.289 --> 00:33:59.609 It's for one, they're trying self -preservation. 00:33:59.849 --> 00:34:02.549 It's like, they don't want to have to admit one 00:34:02.549 --> 00:34:04.710 more time that they disappointed somebody. They're 00:34:04.710 --> 00:34:06.589 not prepared for the punishment that's coming. 00:34:06.730 --> 00:34:08.269 They don't know how the other person's going 00:34:08.269 --> 00:34:11.170 to react. And also sometimes they just need more 00:34:11.170 --> 00:34:13.230 time to process what happened. They're impulsive. 00:34:13.329 --> 00:34:15.070 They don't think things through. They're not 00:34:15.070 --> 00:34:16.829 even sure what they're supposed to say or how 00:34:16.829 --> 00:34:19.329 much responsibility to take. So we see these 00:34:19.329 --> 00:34:22.380 things. happening. And then immediately labeled 00:34:22.380 --> 00:34:25.519 as intentionally causing problems, not being 00:34:25.519 --> 00:34:28.300 willing to behave or participate, not being willing 00:34:28.300 --> 00:34:31.300 to do their work. And so many of these things 00:34:31.300 --> 00:34:33.539 are at no fault of their own. So I'm not someone 00:34:33.539 --> 00:34:36.500 who goes around using ADHD as a crutch. Definitely 00:34:36.500 --> 00:34:39.579 not. My whole coaching platform revolves around 00:34:39.579 --> 00:34:41.679 taking responsibility and overcoming anything 00:34:41.679 --> 00:34:44.239 that's holding you back. But as educators and 00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:46.860 adults working with those with ADHD, we want 00:34:46.860 --> 00:34:48.840 to have awareness to what they have control of. 00:34:48.880 --> 00:34:50.719 and what they don't and what's going to cause 00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:53.179 triggers and what helps them to feel safe. They 00:34:53.179 --> 00:34:55.659 feel safe when they're not constantly worried 00:34:55.659 --> 00:34:59.219 about the reaction of the adult who has charge 00:34:59.219 --> 00:35:01.239 over them, that they're not going to be yelled 00:35:01.239 --> 00:35:03.500 at for their behavior. They're not going to, 00:35:03.519 --> 00:35:05.920 I don't even like the word disappointed. I don't 00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:08.360 use that with my children or any kids that I 00:35:08.360 --> 00:35:10.619 work with because disappointment is about me. 00:35:11.019 --> 00:35:13.739 Someone failed to meet my own expectations. And 00:35:13.739 --> 00:35:15.739 I don't want to teach my children that the reason 00:35:15.739 --> 00:35:18.739 they are achieving whatever their goals are in 00:35:18.739 --> 00:35:20.800 front of them is because I will be happy or not 00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:23.760 happy. I like to figure out what do they need? 00:35:23.880 --> 00:35:28.119 What is this behavior trying to tell me? So we're 00:35:28.119 --> 00:35:30.699 constantly trying to provide an environment where 00:35:30.699 --> 00:35:33.300 we don't want the child to believe that we think 00:35:33.300 --> 00:35:36.460 that something's wrong with them, that there's 00:35:36.460 --> 00:35:38.809 nothing wrong with them. There is a wiring issue 00:35:38.809 --> 00:35:41.889 that they have not learned how to control. And 00:35:41.889 --> 00:35:45.849 we are there, in my opinion, to help them learn 00:35:45.849 --> 00:35:49.329 to control it. And nobody, an adult or child, 00:35:49.610 --> 00:35:52.929 can get out of that place when they're in shame. 00:35:53.230 --> 00:35:56.630 We want to be curious. We don't want adults or 00:35:56.630 --> 00:35:58.650 children. I do not believe in shame. I believe 00:35:58.650 --> 00:36:01.449 in being curious about what happened. Why did 00:36:01.449 --> 00:36:03.449 I make that decision? What didn't I know then 00:36:03.449 --> 00:36:06.980 that I know now? And then... Thank the past for 00:36:06.980 --> 00:36:08.880 what it taught us. I don't believe in putting 00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:11.820 kids in shame for anything that happened, especially 00:36:11.820 --> 00:36:14.760 at school. Everything can be a teaching moment 00:36:14.760 --> 00:36:17.460 and an opportunity for growth. After the Parkland 00:36:17.460 --> 00:36:19.840 tragedy, along with my friends lost to suicide, 00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:22.980 I felt it became necessary to advocate for my 00:36:22.980 --> 00:36:25.239 students, both physical and emotional safety. 00:36:25.480 --> 00:36:28.539 And I'm speaking here in solidarity for teachers 00:36:28.539 --> 00:36:30.659 everywhere who have faced tragedies of their 00:36:30.659 --> 00:36:32.840 own and have thought, what could I have done? 00:36:33.320 --> 00:36:35.730 And I wanted to ask. What are some ways that 00:36:35.730 --> 00:36:37.969 we can reframe guilt into something either more 00:36:37.969 --> 00:36:41.610 helpful, more healing, or even more useful? And 00:36:41.610 --> 00:36:43.469 what would you also mention in addition to that? 00:36:43.550 --> 00:36:45.690 Just some final takeaway points that our audience 00:36:45.690 --> 00:36:48.409 should walk away with today. Well. First of all, 00:36:48.409 --> 00:36:50.650 I just want to put out there that guilt is incredibly 00:36:50.650 --> 00:36:53.989 common when someone finally gets clarity on ADHD 00:36:53.989 --> 00:36:56.610 or neurodivergence, especially in school. Parents 00:36:56.610 --> 00:36:58.030 will think, oh my goodness, I wish I would have 00:36:58.030 --> 00:37:00.750 known sooner. Teachers will think, oh no, did 00:37:00.750 --> 00:37:03.849 I make things worse because I didn't know? But 00:37:03.849 --> 00:37:06.989 we can't diagnose what we don't understand yet. 00:37:07.050 --> 00:37:09.750 We just can't do that. And so I think that our 00:37:09.750 --> 00:37:12.739 brains love hindsight. It's once we have a name 00:37:12.739 --> 00:37:15.960 for something, ADHD, trauma, executive function, 00:37:16.059 --> 00:37:18.559 or dysfunction, it's easy to look back and see 00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:22.780 all the red flags now. But clarity now does not 00:37:22.780 --> 00:37:26.219 mean that you failed then. It means you finally 00:37:26.219 --> 00:37:29.780 have language that you didn't have before. That's 00:37:29.780 --> 00:37:31.699 all. And as I was mentioning earlier, I am just 00:37:31.699 --> 00:37:33.679 not an advocate for shame. I think it doesn't 00:37:33.679 --> 00:37:36.239 matter if we did know or we didn't know, shame 00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:38.940 is still going to keep us stuck and prevent us 00:37:38.940 --> 00:37:41.880 from doing the work that really needs to be done. 00:37:42.039 --> 00:37:45.400 So being curious about our behaviors, about other 00:37:45.400 --> 00:37:48.380 people's behaviors, about our experiences. Unfortunately, 00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:52.219 it's true that it's through our mistakes. And 00:37:52.219 --> 00:37:54.059 I don't really like that word mistakes. I don't 00:37:54.059 --> 00:37:56.119 really use it very often, but the audience will 00:37:56.119 --> 00:37:58.039 - Trials and errors. Right. I mean, I kind of 00:37:58.039 --> 00:37:59.500 think there's - Decisions we make that propel 00:37:59.500 --> 00:38:01.280 us forward and decisions we make that we learn 00:38:01.280 --> 00:38:03.619 from. That's the way I define it. But the things 00:38:03.619 --> 00:38:06.400 that didn't go the way we wanted them to, that's 00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:09.639 when we usually take the time to study and research 00:38:09.639 --> 00:38:12.079 and reflect. And that's where we usually experience 00:38:12.079 --> 00:38:15.300 the most growth. So again, I like the idea of 00:38:15.300 --> 00:38:17.139 looking at what happened, being curious about 00:38:17.139 --> 00:38:19.619 it, and then dedicating ourselves to doing it 00:38:19.619 --> 00:38:22.300 differently in the future. You can start to write 00:38:22.300 --> 00:38:26.309 a new story. And I think that's incredibly powerful. 00:38:26.489 --> 00:38:28.230 Just having the knowledge that you have moving 00:38:28.230 --> 00:38:31.010 forward. Shame is never going to help you. And 00:38:31.010 --> 00:38:33.690 when we're in shame, we become a victim. We do. 00:38:33.809 --> 00:38:35.730 And so we're not going to help ourselves or anybody 00:38:35.730 --> 00:38:39.449 else when we're a victim. It's really easy to 00:38:39.449 --> 00:38:41.570 put blame on ourselves for not knowing things 00:38:41.570 --> 00:38:44.429 that at the time we had no way of knowing. So 00:38:44.429 --> 00:38:47.170 I've learned to not do that. And what a waste 00:38:47.170 --> 00:38:50.489 of energy that is. What I really like to do is 00:38:50.489 --> 00:38:53.679 look at. where I was so that we can show up for 00:38:53.679 --> 00:38:55.280 the people that really need us and show up for 00:38:55.280 --> 00:38:59.500 ourselves as well. My work revolves around, I've 00:38:59.500 --> 00:39:02.119 had a lot of struggles with my own family, with 00:39:02.119 --> 00:39:05.300 my kids, especially a couple of my kids really 00:39:05.300 --> 00:39:08.360 struggled in school. And when I look back, I 00:39:08.360 --> 00:39:10.480 could name all of the individual stories, the 00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:12.659 basketball coach, the teacher, the thing that 00:39:12.659 --> 00:39:15.559 happened, the misunderstandings at school. But 00:39:15.559 --> 00:39:18.239 if I were to sum it up, it would be the people 00:39:18.239 --> 00:39:21.579 that they struggled with. Because they were neurodivergent, 00:39:21.639 --> 00:39:24.199 many times they didn't have the language, especially 00:39:24.199 --> 00:39:26.099 if you're on the spectrum, you don't always even 00:39:26.099 --> 00:39:27.860 know how you're feeling. You don't know how to 00:39:27.860 --> 00:39:31.320 advocate for yourself or express yourself. The 00:39:31.320 --> 00:39:34.780 times that they were really stuck and really 00:39:34.780 --> 00:39:37.260 struggled the most at school was when they had 00:39:37.260 --> 00:39:41.699 teachers or administrators. that were not flexible 00:39:41.699 --> 00:39:44.239 in their thinking. They had a way of doing things 00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:45.880 and that's the way they were going to do it. 00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:48.119 And everyone's held to the same standard. There 00:39:48.119 --> 00:39:51.159 was no room for growth in that situation. And 00:39:51.159 --> 00:39:55.420 it was... very damaging to my children when I 00:39:55.420 --> 00:39:57.980 can think about the injustices and the things 00:39:57.980 --> 00:40:00.440 that my clients have been through, like not graduating 00:40:00.440 --> 00:40:02.800 because they got a D minus and a huge lecture 00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:04.420 from their teacher that's their fault and they 00:40:04.420 --> 00:40:06.860 should have studied harder. I mean, these kids, 00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:10.300 one of the reasons that ADHD is missed so often 00:40:10.300 --> 00:40:14.190 is because kids are really good at masking. ADHD 00:40:14.190 --> 00:40:16.750 now is the term we don't use ADD anymore because 00:40:16.750 --> 00:40:19.150 you're either hyperactive or hyper arousal and 00:40:19.150 --> 00:40:21.550 hyper arousal comes with a lot of overthinking, 00:40:21.550 --> 00:40:24.989 a lot of comparing. And these kids are struggling 00:40:24.989 --> 00:40:28.570 to succeed in the school system. And so when 00:40:28.570 --> 00:40:32.050 they're met with compassion, when we are working 00:40:32.050 --> 00:40:35.309 to understand them and want to help them, it 00:40:35.309 --> 00:40:38.469 can be the difference between a child going home 00:40:38.469 --> 00:40:41.550 and feeling motivated to make something of themselves. 00:40:43.210 --> 00:40:45.530 and going home and thinking about ending their 00:40:45.530 --> 00:40:48.429 lives. And I know that's really dramatic, but 00:40:48.429 --> 00:40:50.670 I'm doing this every day. And that is the truth. 00:40:50.829 --> 00:40:53.349 This is where we're at with these kids. They 00:40:53.349 --> 00:40:56.909 feel so much pressure today between social media 00:40:56.909 --> 00:41:00.030 and the expectations of parents and schools. 00:41:00.110 --> 00:41:02.940 Every child I talk to. School is so overwhelming. 00:41:03.079 --> 00:41:04.639 There's so much that needs to be done. And then 00:41:04.639 --> 00:41:07.699 you put executive function deficits that come 00:41:07.699 --> 00:41:09.780 in junior high and high schools when these kids 00:41:09.780 --> 00:41:11.679 really start to flounder because they can't keep 00:41:11.679 --> 00:41:14.260 track of everything. They can't remember. We 00:41:14.260 --> 00:41:16.920 need more compassion and more understanding. 00:41:17.619 --> 00:41:20.460 Once we get to know these kids, that's all it 00:41:20.460 --> 00:41:22.500 takes. When we hear their story or we hear what 00:41:22.500 --> 00:41:24.320 happened to them yesterday or that they ate lunch 00:41:24.320 --> 00:41:26.420 alone or even though they were so disruptive 00:41:26.420 --> 00:41:28.340 at school, they went home and they have no friends. 00:41:28.420 --> 00:41:31.570 When we get to know them. Then we have compassion. 00:41:31.670 --> 00:41:34.510 Then we want to help. But the problem is most 00:41:34.510 --> 00:41:36.610 of these teachers don't get to know their kids 00:41:36.610 --> 00:41:39.730 very well. They're teaching. And so there is 00:41:39.730 --> 00:41:41.489 no compassion because there's no connection. 00:41:41.889 --> 00:41:46.210 If we see a child struggling, be the one that 00:41:46.210 --> 00:41:49.530 wants to investigate why and be their cheerleader. 00:41:49.650 --> 00:41:54.340 Every child needs that. Like Rita Pearson says, 00:41:54.519 --> 00:41:57.219 every child needs a champion. Jheri, thank you 00:41:57.219 --> 00:41:59.360 so much for reminding us that healing isn't just 00:41:59.360 --> 00:42:01.800 about strategies. It goes beyond what we do in 00:42:01.800 --> 00:42:03.539 the classroom and it goes to making sure that 00:42:03.539 --> 00:42:06.880 everyone has a chance to feel seen. Whether you're 00:42:06.880 --> 00:42:10.019 a parent, a teacher, or even a friend trying 00:42:10.019 --> 00:42:12.679 to understand someone with either ADHD or trauma, 00:42:13.199 --> 00:42:15.679 Jheri's insights today have offered us something 00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:19.280 rare, which is honesty and hope. You can explore 00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:21.840 her ADHD simplified course and book a free discovery 00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:24.900 call at jherisouth.com found in our show notes. 00:42:25.059 --> 00:42:27.579 And please, if someone you know is struggling 00:42:27.579 --> 00:42:30.619 in silence, let this episode be the way to start 00:42:30.619 --> 00:42:33.179 a new conversation. Like we said, we can't go 00:42:33.179 --> 00:42:35.159 back on what we didn't know, but we can move 00:42:35.159 --> 00:42:37.840 forward with awareness, grace, and connection. 00:42:38.179 --> 00:42:40.579 Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for joining 00:42:40.579 --> 00:42:42.949 us on the Classroom Narratives. Healing and Education 00:42:42.949 --> 00:42:46.250 podcast. If today's episode inspired you or made 00:42:46.250 --> 00:42:48.250 you think differently, I'd love to hear from 00:42:48.250 --> 00:42:51.110 you. Drop a comment or review wherever you listen 00:42:51.110 --> 00:42:53.909 to podcasts and stay connected with us on the 00:42:53.909 --> 00:42:56.289 At Classroom Narratives podcast over Instagram 00:42:56.289 --> 00:42:59.769 and Facebook. Remember, together we can transform 00:42:59.769 --> 00:43:03.409 our scars into stars in education, one conversation 00:43:03.409 --> 00:43:04.530 at a time.