WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.419 Welcome to the Classroom Narratives Healing in 00:00:02.419 --> 00:00:04.900 Education podcast, the space where education 00:00:04.900 --> 00:00:09.019 meets resilience. I'm Dr. Joey Weisler, and in 00:00:09.019 --> 00:00:11.400 each episode, we dive deep into the personal 00:00:11.400 --> 00:00:15.099 stories of educators, students, leaders, and 00:00:15.099 --> 00:00:18.079 frontline advocates who are navigating the complexities 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:21.260 within modern education. Whether you're just 00:00:21.260 --> 00:00:23.879 starting your teaching journey, or are we seasoned 00:00:23.879 --> 00:00:26.239 professional looking for inspiration, we'll 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:29.059 explore how to foster meaningful change, prevent 00:00:29.059 --> 00:00:31.859 burnout, and build trauma -informed communities 00:00:31.859 --> 00:00:34.979 within our schools. Now, let's take a seat at 00:00:34.979 --> 00:00:36.859 the front of the classroom as we get started. 00:00:37.399 --> 00:00:40.079 Welcome back to the show. And today on the Classroom 00:00:40.079 --> 00:00:43.299 Narratives podcast, I welcome Dr. Andrea Mata, 00:00:43.439 --> 00:00:46.299 otherwise known as Dr. Dre, a clinical child 00:00:46.299 --> 00:00:48.979 psychologist. parenting expert, and the founder 00:00:48.979 --> 00:00:51.759 of Bright Spot Families. With years of experience 00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:55.119 in both academia and in the field, Dr. Mata is 00:00:55.119 --> 00:00:57.380 on a mission to help parents raise adaptable, 00:00:57.439 --> 00:00:59.939 emotionally healthy children amidst a growing 00:00:59.939 --> 00:01:03.140 youth mental health crisis. She's also the author 00:01:03.140 --> 00:01:05.859 of the "No 2 Parenting Book: Practical Tips 00:01:05.859 --> 00:01:07.980 for the Pooped Out Parents", which I just read 00:01:07.980 --> 00:01:10.560 cover to cover this week. And as she says, it 00:01:10.560 --> 00:01:14.159 is a text that you can read within a very quick 00:01:14.569 --> 00:01:16.709 couple of sittings, if you will. And Dr. Dre 00:01:16.709 --> 00:01:19.250 will talk to us more about that. And whether 00:01:19.250 --> 00:01:21.670 you're a new teacher, a future parent, or just 00:01:21.670 --> 00:01:24.109 trying to understand young minds, adapt and grow, 00:01:24.250 --> 00:01:26.510 this conversation is going to serve itself to 00:01:26.510 --> 00:01:29.129 be filled with impact and insight. So Dr. Dre, 00:01:29.230 --> 00:01:32.150 welcome. Thank you for joining us today. Hello, 00:01:32.209 --> 00:01:33.989 hello. Thank you for having me. I'm looking forward 00:01:33.989 --> 00:01:36.069 to this conversation, Joey. This is going to 00:01:36.069 --> 00:01:38.780 be wonderful. And My first question is because 00:01:38.780 --> 00:01:41.900 when we met through Phil Januszewski's Positive 00:01:41.900 --> 00:01:44.099 Growth Lounge, so another shout out to Phil, who 00:01:44.099 --> 00:01:46.780 has pretty much networked me with about a month's 00:01:46.780 --> 00:01:50.019 worth of podcast guests in itself. You mentioned 00:01:50.019 --> 00:01:54.340 your transition from a professor into a psychologist. 00:01:54.420 --> 00:01:57.099 So I call it from the P to the P, professor to 00:01:57.099 --> 00:02:00.060 psychologist, running their practice. And as 00:02:00.060 --> 00:02:02.799 one professor myself, tell us about that switch 00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:05.959 and what was it like making that career transition? 00:02:06.469 --> 00:02:09.030 Yeah. So it was interesting because I had been 00:02:09.030 --> 00:02:13.030 a college professor for nine years. I was tenured 00:02:13.030 --> 00:02:15.870 and promoted. And if you don't know what that 00:02:15.870 --> 00:02:18.370 means, it's a job that you could never be fired 00:02:18.370 --> 00:02:20.650 from unless you did something like really, really 00:02:20.650 --> 00:02:24.409 dumb. I was like super well liked. So college 00:02:24.409 --> 00:02:26.710 professor for nine years. You're like, why would 00:02:26.710 --> 00:02:28.650 you ever leave if you could never be fired? And 00:02:28.650 --> 00:02:31.289 you were well, seriously. Like most people, like 00:02:31.289 --> 00:02:32.569 when they know what tenure is, they're like, 00:02:32.669 --> 00:02:34.569 wait, you quit? Like you resigned? Yeah, I'm 00:02:34.569 --> 00:02:36.129 sitting here thinking that my mouth is like to 00:02:36.129 --> 00:02:40.530 the floor. And so it was crazy because my last 00:02:40.530 --> 00:02:44.460 year. As a college professor, I was being pursued 00:02:44.460 --> 00:02:47.960 by a large company to be their marriage and parenting 00:02:47.960 --> 00:02:50.819 personality. And throughout the interview process, 00:02:50.919 --> 00:02:53.039 at one point they like pulled me to the side 00:02:53.039 --> 00:02:55.520 and they're like, hey, do you realize with your 00:02:55.520 --> 00:02:57.800 training, your knowledge, your credentials, your 00:02:57.800 --> 00:03:00.919 expertise, your personality, you could have a 00:03:00.919 --> 00:03:04.379 much bigger impact and make a lot more money 00:03:04.379 --> 00:03:07.879 not being a college professor compared like not 00:03:07.879 --> 00:03:09.599 being a college professor. And I was like, really? 00:03:10.250 --> 00:03:13.330 And I was like, okay, I think it's time for me 00:03:13.330 --> 00:03:16.270 to kind of step away. And so that's when I joined 00:03:16.270 --> 00:03:18.990 a private practice because I had a private practice 00:03:18.990 --> 00:03:20.689 before, but then I joined a larger one because 00:03:20.689 --> 00:03:23.069 I hate billing. Paperwork is like the bane of 00:03:23.069 --> 00:03:25.889 my existence. And so I've been doing that since 00:03:25.889 --> 00:03:28.430 I resigned in February of 2021. I finished up 00:03:28.430 --> 00:03:31.449 the semester and then I started at that. private 00:03:31.449 --> 00:03:33.849 practice doing therapy with individuals, couples, 00:03:34.009 --> 00:03:37.289 and families since June of 2021. Wow. Thank you 00:03:37.289 --> 00:03:39.949 for that. So I just completed reading the number 00:03:39.949 --> 00:03:42.150 two parenting book, which is an excellent read 00:03:42.150 --> 00:03:44.569 for anybody who is in a scenario where they're 00:03:44.569 --> 00:03:48.409 in the presence of authority, of people of any 00:03:48.409 --> 00:03:51.340 age under, let's say the age of... 20, really. 00:03:51.759 --> 00:03:54.240 And the number two parenting book shows that 00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:57.900 presence and consistency are two main parenting 00:03:57.900 --> 00:04:00.599 hacks. And first of all, Dr. Dre, I wanted you 00:04:00.599 --> 00:04:03.680 to tell us a little bit about this book and what 00:04:03.680 --> 00:04:07.240 your inspiration was to create it. And then mention, 00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:10.180 if you would, how some of the behaviors of, let's 00:04:10.180 --> 00:04:12.800 say, again, presence and consistency really translate 00:04:12.800 --> 00:04:15.500 into how teachers can effectively manage a classroom 00:04:15.500 --> 00:04:19.410 and try and mediate student behavior. Yeah. So 00:04:19.410 --> 00:04:21.230 how the book started was actually when I was 00:04:21.230 --> 00:04:23.410 a college professor, I taught a class called 00:04:23.410 --> 00:04:25.629 Applied Sports Psychology. And this is actually 00:04:25.629 --> 00:04:28.649 the first chapter in the book. And it was actually 00:04:28.649 --> 00:04:32.769 co -taught by our head swimming and diving coach. 00:04:32.970 --> 00:04:35.230 And I remember we started teaching it and it 00:04:35.230 --> 00:04:37.730 was a highly popular class. I remember the first 00:04:37.730 --> 00:04:41.329 year we taught it, we gave a textbook. And the 00:04:41.329 --> 00:04:43.629 co -teacher got up because I asked a question 00:04:43.629 --> 00:04:45.670 on the very first day of like actual lectures. 00:04:45.829 --> 00:04:48.509 And finally, the co -teacher stood up. And he's 00:04:48.509 --> 00:04:51.110 like, did any of you guys read? And they're all 00:04:51.110 --> 00:04:54.449 like, no, because college students don't read 00:04:54.449 --> 00:04:57.730 textbooks. Textbooks are boring. They're too 00:04:57.730 --> 00:05:01.529 long. They're too academic. And so we're like, 00:05:01.589 --> 00:05:03.589 okay. Then the second semester we did a book 00:05:03.589 --> 00:05:07.509 and they liked it better, but they still weren't 00:05:07.509 --> 00:05:09.410 that big of fans of it. And we're like, okay, 00:05:09.550 --> 00:05:12.050 we hear you. So then the third semester that 00:05:12.050 --> 00:05:15.410 we taught it, we ended up going with. this book 00:05:15.410 --> 00:05:20.089 and it was called The Mind Gym and it was short 00:05:20.089 --> 00:05:23.250 chapters and coach, that's what I called him, 00:05:23.310 --> 00:05:25.970 coach got up on the first day of class when I 00:05:25.970 --> 00:05:27.589 was going through syllabus day and he's like, 00:05:27.709 --> 00:05:30.810 you all, there is no excuses for you not reading 00:05:30.810 --> 00:05:33.110 because you can literally read this book in the 00:05:33.110 --> 00:05:35.569 time it takes you to poop. And then when I was 00:05:35.569 --> 00:05:37.430 working on like writing this parenting book, 00:05:37.529 --> 00:05:39.709 I'm like, okay, what is it going to make my book 00:05:39.709 --> 00:05:41.949 stand out compared to the other parenting book? 00:05:42.129 --> 00:05:45.420 And I started like just brain dump. And then 00:05:45.420 --> 00:05:48.680 it hit me and I was like, oh my goodness, I'm 00:05:48.680 --> 00:05:53.160 going to write. practical parenting tips in chapters 00:05:53.160 --> 00:05:55.819 so that they can read them in the time that it 00:05:55.819 --> 00:05:58.439 takes someone to poop. And so I did all of the 00:05:58.439 --> 00:06:00.800 research on like, how long should it actually 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:03.120 take us to poop? And guess what? It's actually 00:06:03.120 --> 00:06:05.480 only a minute, but you should not be sitting 00:06:05.480 --> 00:06:07.920 on the toilet for longer than five minutes. So 00:06:07.920 --> 00:06:10.199 each of the chapters can be read in under five 00:06:10.199 --> 00:06:12.740 minutes. And I usually say five to seven minutes 00:06:12.740 --> 00:06:15.519 just to kind of save my hiney. I have this phrase 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:17.860 where I talk about, we want to parent, we want 00:06:17.860 --> 00:06:20.430 to teach, we want to be. business leaders by 00:06:20.430 --> 00:06:22.810 setting high expectations within the context 00:06:22.810 --> 00:06:25.649 of the warm and fuzzies. And so I break the chapter, 00:06:25.730 --> 00:06:28.589 the sections. The first one is like the fundamentals 00:06:28.589 --> 00:06:31.709 of all parenting. So if you're not doing anything 00:06:31.709 --> 00:06:35.029 else, do these things. And one of them is consistency. 00:06:35.449 --> 00:06:38.269 And I had this just this week with one of my 00:06:38.269 --> 00:06:41.610 clients, and we were talking about like how their 00:06:41.610 --> 00:06:44.110 parent is inconsistent. Like you're going to 00:06:44.110 --> 00:06:46.689 be there one day and do something. And then the 00:06:46.689 --> 00:06:48.529 next day, you're a little bit more lackadaisical. 00:06:48.589 --> 00:06:51.790 And I was talking to the parent. He's also a 00:06:51.790 --> 00:06:53.509 college professor. And I was like, look, if you 00:06:53.509 --> 00:06:55.529 go to the chair of your department and you ask 00:06:55.529 --> 00:06:58.189 him for something and he completely blows you 00:06:58.189 --> 00:07:00.470 off and like blows up on you, you're going to 00:07:00.470 --> 00:07:03.110 be like, oh, and then the next day you go in 00:07:03.110 --> 00:07:05.490 and you ask him for something else. And he's 00:07:05.490 --> 00:07:08.449 like super kind and like helpful. You're going 00:07:08.449 --> 00:07:12.129 to have no idea as like how to proceed because 00:07:12.129 --> 00:07:15.949 us as human beings love consistency. So that's 00:07:15.949 --> 00:07:18.139 the number one tip that I talk a lot. lot about 00:07:18.139 --> 00:07:22.060 is as a teacher, as a parent, as a boss, the 00:07:22.060 --> 00:07:25.360 more consistent that you can be, the better off 00:07:25.360 --> 00:07:28.459 it is. We're humans. We're going to have days 00:07:28.459 --> 00:07:30.740 where we're going to kind of veer off from that, 00:07:30.839 --> 00:07:33.060 but there should be like a relatively consistent 00:07:33.060 --> 00:07:35.639 range. And if there's days that you're having 00:07:35.639 --> 00:07:38.519 a bad day, well then like communicate that with 00:07:38.519 --> 00:07:42.199 your kids, your students, with your employees, 00:07:42.360 --> 00:07:44.720 like, Hey, I'm just having a crap day today. 00:07:45.019 --> 00:07:48.379 So like, if I see him, little off, like that's 00:07:48.379 --> 00:07:50.740 what's going on. And I think you prepare them 00:07:50.740 --> 00:07:53.920 to be like, okay, this is why he's acting different. 00:07:53.959 --> 00:07:56.800 And they're not left guessing. Right. And you 00:07:56.800 --> 00:07:58.819 also talk about presence because again, being 00:07:58.819 --> 00:08:01.879 a parent or being a teacher is not that spectator 00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:05.379 sport. And being a student is also not a spectator 00:08:05.379 --> 00:08:07.220 sport. I tell my students all the time, if you 00:08:07.220 --> 00:08:11.220 want to succeed, be present, show up, join the 00:08:11.220 --> 00:08:13.800 conversation. What are some different ways that 00:08:13.800 --> 00:08:16.459 educators can be consistent in managing their 00:08:16.459 --> 00:08:18.660 classroom behaviors and still communicate those 00:08:18.660 --> 00:08:22.579 expectations from day one to day 180? Yeah. So 00:08:22.579 --> 00:08:24.879 let's go back to presence real quick. So presence 00:08:24.879 --> 00:08:26.860 is huge because I always talk about if you want 00:08:26.860 --> 00:08:30.920 to succeed in anything that you are doing, the 00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:34.399 number one thing you have to do is show up. I 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:38.419 think if for teachers, and I know like teachers, 00:08:38.480 --> 00:08:41.200 especially like K through 12, like sometimes 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:43.600 when that bell rings at three o 'clock or whatever, 00:08:43.700 --> 00:08:45.720 you want to get out the door. But if you can 00:08:45.720 --> 00:08:49.860 stay around a little bit longer or show up to 00:08:49.860 --> 00:08:53.600 some of the events, or have special time or office 00:08:53.600 --> 00:08:55.940 hours, college professors, like show up for your 00:08:55.940 --> 00:08:59.559 office hours and be present or come 10 minutes 00:08:59.559 --> 00:09:02.179 before your class starts and stay, be willing 00:09:02.179 --> 00:09:04.480 to stay for five to 10 minutes after your class 00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:08.860 ends and just be that presence and show up. You 00:09:08.860 --> 00:09:12.100 have no idea and like show interest in people 00:09:12.100 --> 00:09:13.899 so that when you're there for that 10 minutes 00:09:13.899 --> 00:09:16.279 before class starts, you're not just shuffling 00:09:16.279 --> 00:09:18.240 things like you're interacting with your class. 00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:20.220 You're having conversations with them. You're 00:09:20.220 --> 00:09:22.250 not just. on your phone prepping, but like you're 00:09:22.250 --> 00:09:25.269 engaged, you're showing up, you have that presence. 00:09:25.330 --> 00:09:27.590 The same thing goes with parents. That dad that 00:09:27.590 --> 00:09:29.769 I was talking about earlier this week, he... 00:09:30.460 --> 00:09:33.120 His kid had a pretty big escalation in the last 00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:36.659 week and it became very conflictual and it all 00:09:36.659 --> 00:09:39.259 stemmed from his dad being on his phone. And 00:09:39.259 --> 00:09:41.620 so it caused a lot of problems and it was like, 00:09:41.620 --> 00:09:44.559 you need to be present. And even if you guys 00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:47.700 are watching TV, don't be on your phone because 00:09:47.700 --> 00:09:49.879 your kids believe like, oh, we're having time 00:09:49.879 --> 00:09:52.379 with dad. We're watching a show with him. That's 00:09:52.379 --> 00:09:54.879 what they're expecting. That's what they envision. 00:09:55.019 --> 00:09:56.919 That's their image in their mind. And then if 00:09:56.919 --> 00:09:58.379 you're over here on your phone, like you're not 00:09:58.379 --> 00:10:00.759 actually engaging with them at all. And so I 00:10:00.759 --> 00:10:04.299 think it's having that consistent behavior, that 00:10:04.299 --> 00:10:08.159 consistent presence where they know that when 00:10:08.159 --> 00:10:10.539 they show up for class, that's another question 00:10:10.539 --> 00:10:12.620 that I always ask the TAs. I would be like, what 00:10:12.620 --> 00:10:15.620 makes you reinforcing? Why should students want 00:10:15.620 --> 00:10:18.240 to get up at 8 a .m. and come to your class? 00:10:18.519 --> 00:10:20.460 What is it going to be about you as a professor 00:10:20.460 --> 00:10:23.779 that's going to make them want to come? Because 00:10:23.779 --> 00:10:25.340 if you're just up there and you're like Charlie 00:10:25.340 --> 00:10:29.320 Brown's teacher, like no one's going to. want 00:10:29.320 --> 00:10:31.820 to come up. So you have to, and yes, it's like 00:10:31.820 --> 00:10:33.759 kind of exhausting because you're like, I don't 00:10:33.759 --> 00:10:35.919 want to be an entertainer, but to some extent 00:10:35.919 --> 00:10:38.120 you have to have an entertainment value because 00:10:38.120 --> 00:10:41.039 you have to be reinforcing. So presence. And 00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:43.820 then if you, once you can conquer presence, once 00:10:43.820 --> 00:10:46.320 you can up it to some kind of entertainment value, 00:10:46.519 --> 00:10:48.419 you don't have to be a comedian or something 00:10:48.419 --> 00:10:50.620 like that, but it has to be reinforcing. It has 00:10:50.620 --> 00:10:54.379 to be fun. Absolutely. And it lets me think that 00:10:54.379 --> 00:10:56.399 like, even as educators, when we are present 00:10:56.399 --> 00:10:59.070 for our students before the bell, after the bell, 00:10:59.210 --> 00:11:02.049 greeting them at the door, having small conversations 00:11:02.049 --> 00:11:04.269 and focusing on what we call to be the micro 00:11:04.269 --> 00:11:06.789 moments when they come in, which are just conversations 00:11:06.789 --> 00:11:11.070 to help build partnerships, right? Like my students 00:11:11.070 --> 00:11:13.129 this semester are following me on my LinkedIn 00:11:13.129 --> 00:11:15.509 profile for business communication and networking. 00:11:15.769 --> 00:11:17.850 So when they come in and be like, oh, saw you 00:11:17.850 --> 00:11:19.629 got that internship. Congratulations. Tell me 00:11:19.629 --> 00:11:22.809 more about it. And you talked about the relationship 00:11:22.809 --> 00:11:26.629 bank model as well, right? When we invest into 00:11:26.629 --> 00:11:28.669 our students' well -being and show that we care 00:11:28.669 --> 00:11:30.929 about them as people, I think the outcomes are 00:11:30.929 --> 00:11:33.230 stronger because they see us as a human who really 00:11:33.230 --> 00:11:36.090 wants to invest in their success, most importantly. 00:11:36.269 --> 00:11:38.980 One of the things that... I would do to kind 00:11:38.980 --> 00:11:40.600 of build those relationships with my students 00:11:40.600 --> 00:11:43.440 as a professor was on the first day of syllabus 00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:46.159 day, I would always have an index card. And on 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:48.179 the index card, they would always write down 00:11:48.179 --> 00:11:50.740 like their name. And I would always tell them, 00:11:50.740 --> 00:11:53.240 write down if you have a nickname, whatever you 00:11:53.240 --> 00:11:55.559 want me to call you by. But I would warn them 00:11:55.559 --> 00:11:58.100 like, whatever you want, like whatever you put 00:11:58.100 --> 00:12:01.519 down is forever what Dr. Mata will call you. 00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:04.259 And they're like, okay. And so one guy literally 00:12:04.259 --> 00:12:07.500 put like coyote. And so even now as He's like 00:12:07.500 --> 00:12:09.740 a chiropractor. He'll send me emails and I'll 00:12:09.740 --> 00:12:12.500 be like, Coyote, how are you doing? He's like, 00:12:12.500 --> 00:12:15.309 I'm doing great, Dr. Motto. And so on that card, 00:12:15.370 --> 00:12:17.169 so like not only would they put their name, they'd 00:12:17.169 --> 00:12:19.429 put their year, they would put down what their 00:12:19.429 --> 00:12:21.990 major was in their minor. I'd ask them like, 00:12:22.029 --> 00:12:24.070 why are you taking this class? And I tell them 00:12:24.070 --> 00:12:26.269 to be honest, like you're not going to hurt my 00:12:26.269 --> 00:12:27.950 feelings if you're just taking this class because 00:12:27.950 --> 00:12:30.389 it's required, but put that down. A question 00:12:30.389 --> 00:12:31.970 that they would like to have answered throughout 00:12:31.970 --> 00:12:33.830 the semester. And then I would actually like 00:12:33.830 --> 00:12:36.049 on the first day, I would list out all their 00:12:36.049 --> 00:12:39.269 questions and then put them across the semester 00:12:39.269 --> 00:12:42.129 in my planning to make sure that I answered all 00:12:42.129 --> 00:12:43.500 of the questions throughout the semester. semester. 00:12:44.059 --> 00:12:47.259 And then the last thing was a fun fact. So like 00:12:47.259 --> 00:12:48.899 something interesting, something that they were 00:12:48.899 --> 00:12:51.620 okay with me knowing and like bringing up in 00:12:51.620 --> 00:12:53.759 the middle of class. I think like having that 00:12:53.759 --> 00:12:56.379 index card allows you to have that relationship 00:12:56.379 --> 00:12:58.899 with your students. And then that also makes 00:12:58.899 --> 00:13:02.399 it super enjoyable and reinforcing because then 00:13:02.399 --> 00:13:05.179 you're having a conversation then with your students 00:13:05.179 --> 00:13:08.080 instead of just talking at them. You can have 00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:11.509 conversations with them. Exactly. So I kind of 00:13:11.509 --> 00:13:13.210 do the same thing as well. And when it comes 00:13:13.210 --> 00:13:15.389 to icebreakers, I've had plenty of classes where 00:13:15.389 --> 00:13:18.309 you go around the room one by one and say your 00:13:18.309 --> 00:13:21.090 name and your major and your favorite food. That's 00:13:21.090 --> 00:13:23.850 lovely. But for my icebreakers, I have the students 00:13:23.850 --> 00:13:26.210 get up. They're actually interacting somehow. 00:13:26.389 --> 00:13:28.169 We do all these different types of games that 00:13:28.169 --> 00:13:31.350 require their movement. We always do that on 00:13:31.350 --> 00:13:34.409 day one. And then we do it again on the last 00:13:34.409 --> 00:13:37.779 day of class. Once they've all known each other, 00:13:37.860 --> 00:13:40.220 we redo it as if it was the first day all over 00:13:40.220 --> 00:13:43.539 again. And throughout the semester, I too also 00:13:43.539 --> 00:13:45.539 try and get to know their names as quickly as 00:13:45.539 --> 00:13:47.519 I can. Like when they have their pictures available 00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:49.480 through the, I don't know, like the instructor 00:13:49.480 --> 00:13:53.059 platform or whatnot. I study that not to be a 00:13:53.059 --> 00:13:55.899 creep, but I just study that for days and days 00:13:55.899 --> 00:13:58.179 before the semester begins. So I can match their 00:13:58.179 --> 00:14:00.620 face with their names when they walk through 00:14:00.620 --> 00:14:03.769 my door for the first time. what has taught me 00:14:03.769 --> 00:14:06.009 is that especially when you then start to build 00:14:06.009 --> 00:14:09.149 for me is like community circles and having everybody 00:14:09.149 --> 00:14:11.250 sit in a circle so they can look at each other 00:14:11.250 --> 00:14:13.710 and instead of having lecture we actually do 00:14:13.710 --> 00:14:16.990 just have daily discussion i think the most important 00:14:16.990 --> 00:14:19.690 way to continue having that presence and consistency 00:14:19.690 --> 00:14:22.629 is to not just build partnerships with the students 00:14:22.629 --> 00:14:25.370 but really strive to get the students to form 00:14:25.370 --> 00:14:28.549 partnerships with each other And I think when 00:14:28.549 --> 00:14:30.870 the classroom community flourishes because everybody 00:14:30.870 --> 00:14:33.250 is there to be on the same field as everybody, 00:14:33.429 --> 00:14:36.929 the whole climate can really start to thrive 00:14:36.929 --> 00:14:38.809 in that sense. And it makes them feel safe as 00:14:38.809 --> 00:14:41.909 well. Yeah. So one of my favorite class when 00:14:41.909 --> 00:14:44.570 I was at the university, it was a class that 00:14:44.570 --> 00:14:47.789 I created dating in the 21st century. And it 00:14:47.789 --> 00:14:51.149 was all. discussion based and there was always 00:14:51.149 --> 00:14:54.090 more students in it than we were actually supposed 00:14:54.090 --> 00:14:56.350 to have because like all the women would like 00:14:56.350 --> 00:14:58.629 flock to it and fill it up and i was like i can't 00:14:58.629 --> 00:15:01.169 teach a dating class without any men and so then 00:15:01.169 --> 00:15:04.100 i would have to add in men And I remember the 00:15:04.100 --> 00:15:06.980 first time that I taught it, there was like 15 00:15:06.980 --> 00:15:10.580 women and seven men. And they created the men 00:15:10.580 --> 00:15:13.299 all on their own because we did like a big, it 00:15:13.299 --> 00:15:17.080 was a long circle. And the men on their own created 00:15:17.080 --> 00:15:21.860 guy's corner. So all the guys sat in one corner 00:15:21.860 --> 00:15:24.820 of the circle so that they could provide support 00:15:24.820 --> 00:15:29.610 to each other. I routinely got on course evaluations 00:15:29.610 --> 00:15:32.190 that that was the best course the students had 00:15:32.190 --> 00:15:35.490 ever taken because they were expected to read 00:15:35.490 --> 00:15:38.649 some kind like an empirical article or from a 00:15:38.649 --> 00:15:41.389 book or something. And then they were supposed 00:15:41.389 --> 00:15:43.789 to come in and then everyone there would be two 00:15:43.789 --> 00:15:46.629 people that would like or one person would lead 00:15:46.629 --> 00:15:50.129 the discussion for that day. So a classmate would 00:15:50.129 --> 00:15:54.019 lead a conversation. And ask questions. And the 00:15:54.019 --> 00:15:56.320 one rule for the class that I kind of established 00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:58.820 at the very beginning was like, you are allowed 00:15:58.820 --> 00:16:01.899 to say whatever it is that you want to say in 00:16:01.899 --> 00:16:06.320 this class. And no one can tell you that they're 00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:09.100 offended by to shut you down. If you are offended, 00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:12.279 you have to sit back. And the onus and responsibility 00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:16.019 is on you to figure out like, why are you offended 00:16:16.019 --> 00:16:18.559 by what that person just said? And then you're 00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:22.039 supposed to ask questions to that person to have 00:16:22.039 --> 00:16:25.539 a conversation. So if you can't do that, this 00:16:25.539 --> 00:16:28.700 class is not for you. But I never had anyone 00:16:28.700 --> 00:16:31.960 drop it. And we had really good conversations 00:16:31.960 --> 00:16:34.659 in there. And it never, I mean, it never got 00:16:34.659 --> 00:16:37.700 heated because everyone was really wanting to 00:16:37.700 --> 00:16:41.379 learn why people. were thinking and why people 00:16:41.379 --> 00:16:44.240 had experiences and why they had opinions. And 00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:46.480 it was just this amazing class because students 00:16:46.480 --> 00:16:49.059 actually felt safe to discuss things because 00:16:49.059 --> 00:16:53.159 no matter what, we couldn't be attacked. My very 00:16:53.159 --> 00:16:56.779 first semester in 2020, my chair came to me and 00:16:56.779 --> 00:16:58.779 he said, okay, your job is to go in there and 00:16:58.779 --> 00:17:01.080 lecture. People are paying because you are the 00:17:01.080 --> 00:17:03.440 experts. They want to hear you lecture. And I'm 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:06.599 like, yeah, are they really? Are they really 00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:09.180 like, you can't lead me to believe that seriously. 00:17:09.660 --> 00:17:13.980 And I feel like even at the graduate level, even 00:17:13.980 --> 00:17:16.759 if students are looking at Dr. Weisler, who was 00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:20.359 like this all knowing, no, I'm not. And I always 00:17:20.359 --> 00:17:22.480 like to emphasize the students and I'm talking 00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:25.799 here to all levels, even from K to 12, you might 00:17:25.799 --> 00:17:28.299 not see it. I mean, okay. Elementary school, 00:17:28.339 --> 00:17:30.740 this might be less applicable, but I really do 00:17:30.740 --> 00:17:33.660 like to see all of our educators at the same. 00:17:34.589 --> 00:17:37.309 Not cognitive, of course, but the same thought 00:17:37.309 --> 00:17:40.289 level as their students mean that we're all equals. 00:17:40.369 --> 00:17:42.710 There's not one person who's over here with everybody 00:17:42.710 --> 00:17:46.430 else down there. We're all just humans living 00:17:46.430 --> 00:17:49.089 a human experience. And I think the classroom 00:17:49.089 --> 00:17:51.950 is a place where we can validate that. So when 00:17:51.950 --> 00:17:53.730 you talk about that group conversation, I love 00:17:53.730 --> 00:17:56.799 that because I think when we allow. everybody 00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:59.140 to be part of the conversation again even in 00:17:59.140 --> 00:18:00.960 middle school and high school when you let those 00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:04.299 students focus on their people skills that goes 00:18:04.299 --> 00:18:07.339 into the intentional learning where they can 00:18:07.339 --> 00:18:10.180 get the outcomes by socializing with each other 00:18:10.180 --> 00:18:13.940 and having those conversations to maximize whatever 00:18:13.940 --> 00:18:17.759 discourse is trying to happen in that space so 00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:20.359 it leads me to think about when it comes to just 00:18:20.359 --> 00:18:23.099 children and students working through all different 00:18:23.099 --> 00:18:26.279 types of struggles and events One thing that 00:18:26.279 --> 00:18:28.859 really grabbed my attention when you spoke with 00:18:28.859 --> 00:18:31.640 us on Phil's podcast is that you mentioned that 00:18:31.640 --> 00:18:34.980 there are differences that you have with trauma 00:18:34.980 --> 00:18:38.220 -informed programs and schools. And I definitely 00:18:38.220 --> 00:18:40.259 wanted to learn all about that because on the 00:18:40.259 --> 00:18:42.359 classroom narratives and in my dissertation, 00:18:42.660 --> 00:18:44.359 that's what I try and analyze. And I'll admit, 00:18:44.420 --> 00:18:46.660 I just wrote a whole dissertation, 300 pages 00:18:46.660 --> 00:18:49.460 on trauma -informed ed, and I'm still looking 00:18:49.460 --> 00:18:53.440 at this like, okay, but. What does it do? So 00:18:53.440 --> 00:18:55.799 I want to bring in another expert as you and 00:18:55.799 --> 00:18:58.339 tell us about that. And when it comes to trauma 00:18:58.339 --> 00:19:01.240 informed ed and classrooms as well, what are 00:19:01.240 --> 00:19:05.279 some misconceptions that we have for children 00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:08.740 and even educators in terms of emotional adaptability? 00:19:09.789 --> 00:19:11.309 Yeah. So I would love to have a conversation 00:19:11.309 --> 00:19:14.069 about this because from here's my story. The 00:19:14.069 --> 00:19:16.390 first time that I heard about trauma informed 00:19:16.390 --> 00:19:20.369 ed was I was wanting to partner with a local 00:19:20.369 --> 00:19:24.609 middle school. And what I was offering the principal 00:19:24.609 --> 00:19:27.369 was I was going to train my undergrad psych majors 00:19:27.369 --> 00:19:30.809 to go into these schools and run these coping 00:19:30.809 --> 00:19:34.970 skills groups. And so I met with the principal 00:19:34.970 --> 00:19:36.869 and we sat down and we're like talking and I'm 00:19:36.869 --> 00:19:39.609 like telling her what I want to do. And she looks 00:19:39.609 --> 00:19:41.710 at me and goes, well, and keep in mind, this 00:19:41.710 --> 00:19:46.579 is back in like 20. 2014, 2015, something like 00:19:46.579 --> 00:19:50.980 that. So this is like 10, 11 years ago. Before 00:19:50.980 --> 00:19:54.480 it's time, yeah. And so when it first started 00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:57.059 coming out and she looked at me and she's like, 00:19:57.119 --> 00:19:59.420 oh, well, we're a trauma -informed school. And 00:19:59.420 --> 00:20:00.900 I had never heard it before. And I was like, 00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:03.599 oh, okay. And she's like, do you know what that 00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:07.849 means? And I was like. No. I'm like, please tell 00:20:07.849 --> 00:20:10.109 me, educate me. And she's like, okay. I still 00:20:10.109 --> 00:20:13.089 remember the exact example she gave me. She's 00:20:13.089 --> 00:20:16.089 like, so if an eighth grader tells the bus driver 00:20:16.089 --> 00:20:20.529 to F off, we are not going to give him a consequence 00:20:20.529 --> 00:20:24.990 because we're just going to assume that he witnessed 00:20:24.990 --> 00:20:28.829 his dad like shoot up the night before. And that's 00:20:28.829 --> 00:20:30.990 why he's like on edge. And that's why he told 00:20:30.990 --> 00:20:33.670 the bus driver to F off. And I remember just 00:20:33.670 --> 00:20:35.990 sitting back and being like, Because I had just 00:20:35.990 --> 00:20:38.910 come off of my internship for clinical psychology 00:20:38.910 --> 00:20:41.609 to get my PhD. I had to do a year internship 00:20:41.609 --> 00:20:44.150 somewhere in the United States. I did mine at 00:20:44.150 --> 00:20:46.609 a place called Boys Town, which is a residential 00:20:46.609 --> 00:20:50.190 treatment facility. And it's a heavy behavioral 00:20:50.190 --> 00:20:54.509 program. So we focus on behaviors. We don't really 00:20:54.509 --> 00:20:56.230 pay attention to thoughts. We don't really pay 00:20:56.230 --> 00:20:59.529 attention to emotions. It's all about the behaviors. 00:20:59.769 --> 00:21:01.349 And I'm just thinking about this from like a 00:21:01.349 --> 00:21:04.230 behavioral standpoint. I was like, but. I mean, 00:21:04.250 --> 00:21:06.890 I get it, but at the same time, like there still 00:21:06.890 --> 00:21:09.109 needs to be a consequence for that behavior. 00:21:09.509 --> 00:21:12.569 And so then obviously we did not partner. And 00:21:12.569 --> 00:21:15.269 so now that I've just kind of, as I'm hearing 00:21:15.269 --> 00:21:18.390 more and more trauma -informed ad come out, it 00:21:18.390 --> 00:21:22.769 really puts, I hesitate a little bit about it 00:21:22.769 --> 00:21:25.769 in schools, or not a little bit, a lot, is because 00:21:25.769 --> 00:21:29.849 of the focus on feelings. Because when I teach, 00:21:30.380 --> 00:21:33.039 My clients, I like to teach them the psychology 00:21:33.039 --> 00:21:35.200 triangle that our psychology is made up of three 00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:37.500 things. It's made up of our thoughts, our behaviors, 00:21:37.640 --> 00:21:39.920 and our feelings. And there's one of those that 00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:42.920 we have absolutely no control over. And it's 00:21:42.920 --> 00:21:45.519 our emotions. That's our feelings. Or if we're 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:48.180 focusing as teachers, as educators, as principals, 00:21:48.339 --> 00:21:52.279 as authority figures, as parents, if we're focusing 00:21:52.279 --> 00:21:57.329 solely on their feelings. they have no control 00:21:57.329 --> 00:21:59.910 over it. And really emotions and our feelings 00:21:59.910 --> 00:22:03.410 are just signals to what is going on in our environment. 00:22:03.589 --> 00:22:06.049 And we still need to teach them how to challenge 00:22:06.049 --> 00:22:08.130 those thoughts that are making them feel a certain 00:22:08.130 --> 00:22:10.970 kind of way. And they still should be expected 00:22:10.970 --> 00:22:14.730 to behave in line with the expectations, regardless 00:22:14.730 --> 00:22:16.910 of what their feelings are. Because when they 00:22:16.910 --> 00:22:19.670 become adults, they can't go into the workforce 00:22:19.670 --> 00:22:23.109 and be like, hey, I don't really feel like doing 00:22:23.109 --> 00:22:26.700 this today. That's my feeling. That's my truth. 00:22:27.019 --> 00:22:29.079 And so I'm just not going to do it today. The 00:22:29.079 --> 00:22:31.779 boss would be like, okay, you're fired. And it 00:22:31.779 --> 00:22:35.319 is happening. I think it's 61 % of businesses 00:22:35.319 --> 00:22:38.799 in America have fired a Gen Z employee within 00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:42.700 the first few months of hiring them because of 00:22:42.700 --> 00:22:47.420 a variety of reasons. So is trauma -informed 00:22:47.420 --> 00:22:49.980 synonymous to behavioral problems or behavioral 00:22:49.980 --> 00:22:52.160 circumstances that exist in the school's climate 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:55.759 as you've seen it? I think when I hear trauma 00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:59.740 informed education, it always makes me think 00:22:59.740 --> 00:23:03.579 of, I remember there would be workshops that 00:23:03.579 --> 00:23:05.640 I would hear about and it would be like, all 00:23:05.640 --> 00:23:09.680 children have trauma. And I'd pause and be like, 00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:14.230 not all children have. trauma. Because I think 00:23:14.230 --> 00:23:17.829 of trauma from like the DSM, the manual that 00:23:17.829 --> 00:23:21.329 we use to diagnose things. Trauma is very specific. 00:23:21.470 --> 00:23:24.490 So like you've been sexually assaulted, you have 00:23:24.490 --> 00:23:28.910 been injured, or your life was in jeopardy, or 00:23:28.910 --> 00:23:30.769 you witnessed any of those three things. Like 00:23:30.769 --> 00:23:33.890 that's my version. That's my definition of trauma. 00:23:34.130 --> 00:23:37.089 And I think we've experienced a lot of concept 00:23:37.089 --> 00:23:40.210 creep. Like we've kind of expanded out what the 00:23:40.210 --> 00:23:43.180 definition of trauma. to include stressful life 00:23:43.180 --> 00:23:46.539 events and adverse childhood experiences. And 00:23:46.539 --> 00:23:49.940 I don't think that concept creep of kind of everything 00:23:49.940 --> 00:23:51.920 is trauma. And then we have big T and little 00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:55.400 t. I don't think that's serving our youth very 00:23:55.400 --> 00:23:59.700 well. Yeah, I have a few guests on the podcast. 00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:01.339 I would agree with you that the word trauma has 00:24:01.339 --> 00:24:05.250 become a little bit more trivial. So would you 00:24:05.250 --> 00:24:08.509 say that trauma -informed education is not talking 00:24:08.509 --> 00:24:11.250 about trauma or bringing up trauma with students, 00:24:11.250 --> 00:24:14.250 but rather just focusing on their social skills 00:24:14.250 --> 00:24:17.509 to maneuver a productive human experience? From 00:24:17.509 --> 00:24:20.230 my experience, I think it's much more like the 00:24:20.230 --> 00:24:22.690 trauma -informed is much more about like their 00:24:22.690 --> 00:24:28.210 emotional reactions to situations. I think the 00:24:28.210 --> 00:24:30.410 other issue that I have with trauma informed 00:24:30.410 --> 00:24:33.589 is that I don't think it's the intent, but it 00:24:33.589 --> 00:24:36.210 does convey to our students that they are broken, 00:24:36.390 --> 00:24:40.410 that our youth are broken. And I don't want our 00:24:40.410 --> 00:24:43.990 youth to have that view of themselves because 00:24:43.990 --> 00:24:46.789 then self -fulfilling prophecy comes in. It's 00:24:46.789 --> 00:24:48.910 like, well, if these authority figures at these 00:24:48.910 --> 00:24:50.970 teachers and my parents and all these people 00:24:50.970 --> 00:24:54.529 that are smart people say that I'm broken or 00:24:54.529 --> 00:24:57.109 that I'm traumatized, well, then I'm going to. 00:24:57.160 --> 00:25:00.160 start acting in ways that broken people act and 00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:02.259 we start acting in ways that traumatize people 00:25:02.259 --> 00:25:05.619 act. And I don't think that's the case. So then 00:25:05.619 --> 00:25:08.160 in thinking of those respects, so what are some 00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:10.660 misconceptions that we then have about trauma 00:25:10.660 --> 00:25:14.759 -informed education that we can help our students 00:25:14.759 --> 00:25:18.579 in terms of being more emotionally adept? Yeah. 00:25:18.599 --> 00:25:20.640 So I think one of the biggest things that I teach 00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:25.019 my clients is I teach them like, hey, let's understand. 00:25:25.720 --> 00:25:29.240 your emotions. And so I do a series of activities 00:25:29.240 --> 00:25:32.359 with them. I first teach them about the psychology 00:25:32.359 --> 00:25:34.579 triangle. And then the second step is I teach 00:25:34.579 --> 00:25:37.000 them about emotions and like, okay, list out 00:25:37.000 --> 00:25:40.000 six emotions. And then, okay, how do we know 00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:42.140 when someone is experiencing those emotions? 00:25:42.319 --> 00:25:45.420 What do they look like? How do they sound? How 00:25:45.420 --> 00:25:48.359 do they move? How do they carry themselves? And 00:25:48.359 --> 00:25:50.779 so I ask them all of those things. And then we 00:25:50.779 --> 00:25:52.539 figure out, okay, what emotion are we trying 00:25:52.539 --> 00:25:54.980 to understand specifically for you? Is it anxiety? 00:25:55.019 --> 00:25:57.779 Anxiety? Is it anger? Is it frustration? Is it 00:25:57.779 --> 00:26:00.500 stressed? And I'm like, okay, that's the emotion 00:26:00.500 --> 00:26:02.380 we want to focus on. We want to focus on anxiety. 00:26:02.599 --> 00:26:06.319 Awesome. Okay, then pick mom or dad, pick one 00:26:06.319 --> 00:26:08.220 of your siblings, and then pick your best friend. 00:26:08.519 --> 00:26:12.259 How does that specific person experience those 00:26:12.259 --> 00:26:15.380 emotions? And then once we figure that out, then 00:26:15.380 --> 00:26:17.759 I ask them, okay, how does your body tell you 00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:20.779 that you are anxious? What does your body do? 00:26:21.019 --> 00:26:24.200 What does your mind do? And then we talk about 00:26:24.200 --> 00:26:27.079 emotion regulation and how when something happens, 00:26:27.380 --> 00:26:30.220 our emotions are going to go up, up, up, up, 00:26:30.220 --> 00:26:32.619 up. They're going to peak. And sometimes they're 00:26:32.619 --> 00:26:35.180 going to volcano out and then they're naturally 00:26:35.180 --> 00:26:37.559 going to come down. And from the time that something 00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:40.700 happens to the time that like our emotions naturally 00:26:40.700 --> 00:26:43.720 come down, it's about 10 to 20 minutes. And so 00:26:43.720 --> 00:26:47.180 our goal is to like not do anything kind of unhelpful 00:26:47.180 --> 00:26:49.859 or unproductive at that peak. And so then we 00:26:49.859 --> 00:26:52.279 talk about like their anxiety buildup. So as 00:26:52.279 --> 00:26:55.720 they go up, what is their body doing? So like 00:26:55.720 --> 00:26:58.279 the other day I had a client, like I get shaky, 00:26:58.460 --> 00:27:02.160 I get mad. I think about all of the bad things 00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:05.099 that have happened to me. And then I yell and 00:27:05.099 --> 00:27:07.359 then I start doing all this other stuff. And 00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:10.000 so then we get to start to see like, okay, when 00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:12.559 you start to shake, do you shake any other time? 00:27:12.579 --> 00:27:15.700 And she's like, no. Well, then that's the first 00:27:15.700 --> 00:27:18.609 sign that you are starting to be anxious or angry, 00:27:18.710 --> 00:27:21.329 frustrated, stressed. And so like, we want to 00:27:21.329 --> 00:27:24.609 try to figure out reasonable, socially appropriate 00:27:24.609 --> 00:27:28.690 ways for you to regulate your emotions. And so 00:27:28.690 --> 00:27:30.430 then we're like, okay, then we got into like 00:27:30.430 --> 00:27:33.509 the fight flight freeze cycle. And we talked 00:27:33.509 --> 00:27:36.130 about like completing the cycle. And so hers 00:27:36.130 --> 00:27:38.230 is like fight. And I was like, okay, well, what 00:27:38.230 --> 00:27:41.829 are some socially appropriate ways? for you to 00:27:41.829 --> 00:27:45.509 complete your fight cycle that doesn't involve 00:27:45.509 --> 00:27:47.990 you yelling at people. And I was like, okay, 00:27:48.029 --> 00:27:50.630 well, like what mimics fighting? pushups mimic 00:27:50.630 --> 00:27:55.089 fighting and like doing kickboxing, like shadow 00:27:55.089 --> 00:27:59.369 boxing, doing what else, like slam balls mimics 00:27:59.369 --> 00:28:02.390 fighting. And so like try to do those things 00:28:02.390 --> 00:28:04.990 to see whether or not you can remove yourself 00:28:04.990 --> 00:28:08.210 or stop yourself from going into that escalation. 00:28:08.349 --> 00:28:10.390 And so I think it's those kinds of things that 00:28:10.390 --> 00:28:14.299 we want to be teaching our students. that how 00:28:14.299 --> 00:28:18.359 to regulate their emotions in a good, effective 00:28:18.359 --> 00:28:22.619 way. Wonderful. Thank you so much for that. And 00:28:22.619 --> 00:28:25.140 what would you consider to be some of the most 00:28:25.140 --> 00:28:27.440 important tips from the number two parenting 00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:29.859 book that teachers can use in their classrooms 00:28:29.859 --> 00:28:33.019 as well? And what would you say would be to be 00:28:33.019 --> 00:28:35.500 like the secret ingredient for the secret sauce 00:28:35.500 --> 00:28:38.279 and being able to thrive in education? What would 00:28:38.279 --> 00:28:41.559 that look like as well? Okay, top tips. So I'll 00:28:41.559 --> 00:28:43.539 pull, we already talked about consistency, so 00:28:43.539 --> 00:28:46.079 I won't talk about consistency again. But I will 00:28:46.079 --> 00:28:48.500 talk, and this kind of answers your second question, 00:28:48.559 --> 00:28:50.900 Joey, adapt. So there's a chapter in the book 00:28:50.900 --> 00:28:54.380 called Adapt, Adapt, Adapt. And so I am all about 00:28:54.380 --> 00:28:57.819 raising and building adaptable youth. And what 00:28:57.819 --> 00:29:02.819 that means is I want to teach youth and Gen Z 00:29:02.819 --> 00:29:06.880 to have enough. Individual skills, relationship 00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:10.960 skills, coping skills, so that regardless of 00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:14.980 what environment they go into, they can sit back, 00:29:15.099 --> 00:29:18.779 they can assess, and then they can pull skills 00:29:18.779 --> 00:29:22.680 out of their toolbox and they can thrive in any 00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:25.019 environment that they go in. So whether that's 00:29:25.019 --> 00:29:27.019 relationship skills, coping skills, individual 00:29:27.019 --> 00:29:29.079 skills, like managing their own emotions, those 00:29:29.079 --> 00:29:32.480 kinds of things. And so there's a chapter in 00:29:32.480 --> 00:29:36.099 the... the book about adapting. How do we problem 00:29:36.099 --> 00:29:39.400 solve on the spot? How do we assess the situation? 00:29:39.640 --> 00:29:42.920 How do we come up with solutions to the problem? 00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:44.740 And then how do we execute it? So I think that's 00:29:44.740 --> 00:29:49.559 one. I think another tip would be for... in the 00:29:49.559 --> 00:29:52.460 book is like why kids do what they do so figuring 00:29:52.460 --> 00:29:55.500 out like the four functions of children's behavior 00:29:55.500 --> 00:29:58.240 so are they doing things because of attention 00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:00.539 are they doing things because they're trying 00:30:00.539 --> 00:30:02.960 to get out of something so escape and avoidance 00:30:02.960 --> 00:30:05.440 are they doing things because they're getting 00:30:05.440 --> 00:30:08.299 something out of it something tangible or are 00:30:08.299 --> 00:30:11.400 they doing stuff because it feels good and that 00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:14.299 is by far the most frustrating for parents and 00:30:14.299 --> 00:30:16.339 teachers because you look at them and you're 00:30:16.339 --> 00:30:17.960 like why did you do that and they're like because 00:30:17.960 --> 00:30:20.019 I wanted to And the teacher's like, that's not 00:30:20.019 --> 00:30:22.920 a good enough excuse. And the kid's like, I wanted 00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:24.440 to. And like a lot of the times I'll look at 00:30:24.440 --> 00:30:26.480 parents and the parents were like, answer me. 00:30:26.660 --> 00:30:29.019 And I'm like, they did answer you. And they're 00:30:29.019 --> 00:30:30.960 like, no, they didn't. And I'm like, that's literally 00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:33.900 the answer. And they're like, but that's so frustrating. 00:30:33.940 --> 00:30:36.440 I'm like, I get it, but that's the answer. And 00:30:36.440 --> 00:30:38.839 then the last one in the book that I talk about 00:30:38.839 --> 00:30:41.960 is the five to one ratio. So I steal this from 00:30:41.960 --> 00:30:44.740 Dr. John Gottman. He's a leading expert in marriage. 00:30:45.099 --> 00:30:48.359 And he can predict by watching a couple. For 00:30:48.359 --> 00:30:51.500 five minutes, he can predict with like a 95 % 00:30:51.500 --> 00:30:54.460 accuracy whether or not the couple will get a 00:30:54.460 --> 00:30:57.880 divorce. And it's the five to one positive to 00:30:57.880 --> 00:31:02.059 negative ratio. So for every one negative interaction 00:31:02.059 --> 00:31:04.920 that you have with a child or a student, there's 00:31:04.920 --> 00:31:07.799 then five positive interactions that you have 00:31:07.799 --> 00:31:10.599 to have with that student in order to make up 00:31:10.599 --> 00:31:13.599 for things. And that seems exhausting. But when 00:31:13.599 --> 00:31:16.440 I used to also teach a workshop to new faculty 00:31:16.440 --> 00:31:18.779 coming in. at the university that I was at was 00:31:18.779 --> 00:31:20.859 on like building relationships. And so I would 00:31:20.859 --> 00:31:23.859 tell them, I was like, hey, whenever you feel 00:31:23.859 --> 00:31:26.519 like sending like a nasty email to your students, 00:31:26.819 --> 00:31:30.380 don't. Because for every nasty email that you 00:31:30.380 --> 00:31:33.420 send to your students, there's five like positive 00:31:33.420 --> 00:31:36.420 things that you need to do for them or with them 00:31:36.420 --> 00:31:39.720 in order to get that relationship back on like 00:31:39.720 --> 00:31:41.980 good footing. So I think that's probably the 00:31:41.980 --> 00:31:44.980 other tip that I would give. Thank you so much 00:31:44.980 --> 00:31:46.519 for that. That's definitely helpful for our teachers 00:31:46.519 --> 00:31:48.119 to hear as well. And what are some ways that 00:31:48.119 --> 00:31:50.839 our listeners can get in touch with you? So my 00:31:50.839 --> 00:31:54.640 website, so andrea@brightspotfamilies .com 00:31:54.640 --> 00:31:57.900 is my email. My website is brightspotfamilies 00:31:57.900 --> 00:32:01.440 .com. And then I'm very active on LinkedIn. So 00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:06.299 it's just Andrea Mata, PhD. We'll have that available 00:32:06.299 --> 00:32:08.960 in the show notes as well. So that was Dr. Andrea 00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:11.339 Mata reminding us that behind every resilient 00:32:11.339 --> 00:32:14.599 child is a community of informed adults, which 00:32:14.599 --> 00:32:17.160 include us as educators as well. So be sure to 00:32:17.160 --> 00:32:18.940 check out the number two parenting book. And 00:32:18.940 --> 00:32:21.380 if today's episode resonated with you, share 00:32:21.380 --> 00:32:24.240 it with a fellow educator, parent, or even student 00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:26.759 teacher. And as always, keep showing up for both 00:32:26.759 --> 00:32:29.160 yourself and your students. We'll see you next 00:32:29.160 --> 00:32:30.779 time here in the Classroom Narrators podcast. 00:32:33.289 --> 00:32:35.609 Thank you for joining us on the Classroom Narratives 00:32:35.609 --> 00:32:38.609 Healing and Education Podcast. If today's episode 00:32:38.609 --> 00:32:41.289 inspired you or made you think differently, I'd 00:32:41.289 --> 00:32:43.650 love to hear from you. Drop a comment or review 00:32:43.650 --> 00:32:46.509 wherever you listen to podcasts and stay connected 00:32:46.509 --> 00:32:49.029 with us on the at Classroom Narratives Podcast 00:32:49.029 --> 00:32:52.329 over Instagram and Facebook. Remember, together 00:32:52.329 --> 00:32:55.549 we can transform our scars into stars in education, 00:32:55.930 --> 00:32:58.210 one conversation at a time.