Welcome to the Classroom Narratives Healing in
Education podcast, the space where education
meets resilience. I'm Dr. Joey Weisler, and in
each episode, we dive deep into the personal
stories of educators, students, leaders, and
frontline advocates who are navigating the complexities
within modern education. Whether you're just
starting your teaching journey, or are we seasoned
professionals looking for inspiration, we'll
explore how to foster meaningful change, prevent
burnout, and build trauma -informed communities
within our schools. Now, let's take a seat at
the front of the classroom as we get started.
Hey everyone, Joey here. And today I'm joined
by Megan Farison, who is a music educator, a
writer, and the author of Dissonance, a memoir
that doesn't let you look away from how deep
some wounds can run, even when we don't really
talk about them all that much. And in this conversation,
we're getting real about the partnerships between
teachers and students and thinking about how
trust is built, how boundaries matter, and what
happens when... even collective trauma shows
up at your school. So I'm so grateful that Megan's
here to help us through some of these thoughts.
And let's go ahead and dive right into it. Megan,
welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having
me. I'm really excited about all the things we're
going to talk about. Thank you for doing this
show. It's a true pleasure of mine. And I was
just saying to Megan before we began that I had
just spent my week reading her memoir, Dissonance,
leading up to this conversation and listening
to it as an audio book in public throughout New
York City. The different looks in my face throughout
the week were just, it was shock, it was horror,
it was poignant, it was anguish, but it was also
a hint of resilience and coming forward with
Megan's story. And we're going to have a link
to that in the show notes for those who wish
to learn more. Megan, I want to start our conversation
today by thinking about student safety and healthy
boundaries. You mentioned in your text on page
47, actually, for those who go back and reference
it, you said, "as a teacher, I never needed a
class to tell me I shouldn't have romantic relationships
with my students. It was instinctively clear
the power I held over students in the classroom.
I knew I had the potential to raise them up or
tear them down. I knew it was my job to be a
role model, not an object of romantic affection.
If a student even looked at me a certain way,
as if they might have feelings for me that went
beyond respect, I added caution to my behavior
because I remember the feeling of being a teenager
with a crush on her teacher, and I didn't want
to do anything to encourage those feelings." So
this first question speaks to all educators out
there who really try and go the extra mile to
let their students be seen. valued, and heard,
especially for those students who find themselves
in dark places and those teachers everywhere.
We appreciate all the advocacy that you do. And
as teachers, we know that our situations can
be very precarious when even though we have these
genuine and innocent actions to, dare I say,
rescue a child who may be going through a lot
of struggles. And the act of trying to rescue
the child may come off as sometimes even publicly
misconstrued. And I too was an educator who used
to have my classroom designed as that safe space
during lunch for children who either found themselves
alone or in one instance, I had a child who was
eating in the bathroom and I invited them into
my classroom as well for safety because to me
it was a safety issue. How could you allow that
to go unnoticed as a school staff member? I wanted
to begin for Megan by just challenging that or
observing that deeper and thinking about what
are some ways that educators everywhere can really
pay attention to student safety while maintaining
healthy boundaries within their classrooms and
their practices? Thank you for that question.
So it's multi -layered and can be very complex,
but... I think that what it comes down to is
that you have to balance what resources you have
as a teacher. You can't give everything to one
kid. And there are many reasons why you shouldn't
do that, right? But you're a teacher of many.
You have many souls in your classroom. And you
have to figure out a way to balance the energy
that you're giving to each student. And that
doesn't mean there's a difference between, what
do they say, equity and equality. That, yes,
there are going to be times when you are going
to give more attention to one student than another
for a myriad of reasons. But you always have
to both be looking at your students as individuals,
but also as the whole. Think like you're a shepherd
of a flock, right? To be a little bit biblical,
right? But you are. This is your flock. And your
job is to take care of them. Even before you
take care of their minds in the sense of pouring
information into them, you are caring for their
mind in that you are protecting it from harm
as best as you can. That your job ultimately
is that when that student or those students leave
your room, that they will have not incurred trauma
because of you, because of actions. I will be
very transparent in saying that we are not perfect,
and there will be times when I think we will
cause trauma and not mean to. Agreed. I'm thinking
of a very specific story. It was in my first
teaching job, so it was probably my, oh, I'm
thinking maybe my third or fourth year of teaching,
and I was doing an audition. I was alone with
a student doing a voice audition for the following
year's ensembles. And she said to me, Mrs. Farison,
why do you hate me? And I was so shocked by this.
And you know how the brain can sort of amplify
things. So it's possible she said, why do you
not like me? Right. But it felt so, oh, because
I loved this student. She was amazing. She was
so smart. She showed up every day and she did
exactly what she was supposed to do. And that's
why she went under the radar. Because oftentimes
we tend to have our attention pulled by the extremes,
by the kids that are very extroverted and they're
raising their hand a lot and they're participating
a lot. And then you have the students on the
other side that are maybe disrupting. the room
and so you're like building up these and you're
trying to build up these kids over here and get
that so that everything works and sometimes we
miss the kids in the middle that are just showing
up every day and doing the thing every day and
it really was eye -opening for me that as a person
who has incurred trauma and for most of her life
has lived in the extremes that has had a hard
time living in the middle it's interesting looking
back and realizing that those are the students
that I missed at least with that one i know that
I did that I could have done better by her I
was so glad that she said something to me because
it gave me an opportunity to have dialogue with
her and to say oh my goodness no I care about
you so much and to validate her feelings at the
same time though. And there was an opportunity
there, right? I mean, already she was having
these negative feelings and whether you can put
that in trauma or just very negative impact.
Trauma is something that stays with you, right?
And lasts and who knows how that could affect
her. But she gave me an opportunity to try to
heal that a little bit, to try to help her to
process that. So it's a tough thing. Like I said,
there's so many sort of directions my mind can
go in about this. But as far as balancing taking
care of your students and you want to care for
them, but you also want to respect boundaries.
I want us to consider how then do we meet those
students in the middle? Not everybody wants to
come to school and build a partnership with their
instructors. They just want to come do the job
and leave. respectfully by choice just show up
and get the job done how can we still include
them and meet them in the middle and help level
the equilibrium. This is a really interesting
question you're really challenging me today because
honestly my first response when you said there
are those kids that just want to show up they
want to do the work and they want to leave my
gut reaction was let them respect them For them,
the way that you make sure your children, their
basic needs are met. When we talk about the hierarchy
of needs, there are kids that only need the foundation.
You are providing a stable environment in which
they can learn and do their thing and then leave
and go on to the next thing. Then I think that
is okay. And I love how you do mention, Joey,
that need to feel safe and supporting that as
educators. I'm going to say what educators probably
think, but don't really vocalize what this platform
is for to say what they're thinking. I would
say to meet students in the middle is significantly
easier at the college level where I teach because
they're paying to be there. They're old enough
to make that choice where we actually joke in
my classes where we have the core and then we
have the background actors. And if you want to
be a background actor. That's fine. You're still
paying the same tuition as everybody else. Whatever
outcomes you want at the end of the semester,
that's on you. And I'm still going to walk out
in December or May or July and proceed into my
next term. And that's that. At the K -12 level,
I think the challenges and the stakes are significantly
higher because the student cannot advocate for
themselves at that age, meaning there's the state
tests. There's my job on the line if I'm a K
-12 educator. There's leadership. There's their
parents. And there's a lot more armor that that
student is working with that puts me in a position
in terms of for me to succeed in my job and even,
dare I say, keep my job. I have to kind of force
that student to move away from the center and
make them become more than just feeling safe.
They have to actually... engage in the routines.
They can't spectate the class like they would
want to because spectating is safe for them.
We have to do more than that in K -12. College,
no problem. That's fine. Especially in lecture
halls with 300 students, you're expected to do
nothing more than that. But at K -12, there is
so much more. And especially for those educators,
I'm wondering what skills we can offer them because
truthfully, I'm not sure what they are. Well,
I think if we had like the answer, we could sell
it for a lot of money. Okay. But, but I will
say when you're speaking, do you know, it is
so interesting because again, we see everything
through the narrative of our own life, of our
own experiences. So when I was saying that they
show up, they do the thing and that makes them
feel safe because I have always been a high achiever.
My idea of what showing up and doing the thing
and feeling safe. is engaging right we want to
be pushed and challenged i'm saying well it's
not that I don't want to engage the kids that
are just showing up and doing the thing in my
mind through my narrative through my own eyes
is those are kids like me because I mean yes
I was class president and I did these things
but doing the thing is engaging. I think that's
because as a teacher, I have the expectation
that you will engage, that I won't let you just
sit there and not be seen. And so I guess that's
just my standard. My base level standard is that
you are not going to get to sit to the side and
not be cared about. You're going to show up and
you're going to get to be a part of the team.
And teachers have different ways of approaching
this, but I definitely removed some students,
and I don't mean permanently from my class, but
if there was a conflict, I've taught in rural
schools, urban, inner city, and I've had to figure
out sometimes I have to remove a student from
the environment for safety reasons just because
it's disrupting the learning environment. And
as best as I can help it. I make sure to speak
to that student at the end. Like I said, if you
have the ability to move that student to a safe
space and say, I want to talk to you at the end
of class. And then you go back, you do your thing.
And at the end, you have this opportunity to
model forgiveness. Right. And so where some people
may avoid that. I can look back on this and I
can really see where kids really turned in a
different direction because number one, I held
them accountable. I cared enough to hold them
accountable. I said, just like I was talking
about on Leslie's podcast, you have to set not
only the routines, but you have to also make
your students aware of. Here's our system of
accountability. If you do this, this is how I'm
going to react. If you do this, this is the consequence
so that you're not living in this unknown of
what's going to happen. So first off, I have
a student who knows the expectation. And I'm
thinking of a middle school girl right now. And
I love middle school students. They're amazing.
And they're just it's a beautiful age. She just
was very distracted and wasn't following expectations.
And I had to remove her from that environment.
And in this particular case, she went down to
the office and waited. And I went down there
and I sat next to her. I didn't stand over her.
I mean, the way that we are, right, and physically
the way we position ourselves with students matters.
We want to give them space and be respectful.
But I didn't want to be towering over her, looking
down at her while she sat in this chair in the
office. So I gently sat down next to her. And
the first, I think I asked her a question. I
said, what's going on? How are you doing? And
she started to tell me. that she was having some
challenges at home and started to open up about
some things, nothing that was like really traumatic,
but just things that kids are dealing with. And
so I listened to that. And then I always make
sure to tell these kids that I remove and then
I go talk to, I want you to be there. Your presence
matters. So let's try again. And because they
may not get that at home, they may do something
at home and the parent yells at them or punishes
them. And there is no talk after it that is loving
and gentle. And so just basic human decency in
that regard. And then so many times I've seen
that where that the kid then shows up and it
is different. And they know you care and they
care and they feel they're a part of something.
It doesn't always work that way. But more times
than not, when I went out of my way to talk to
a student and to be very clear about that they
matter and I want them there, but I have to respect
boundaries just as they do. I have to follow
through. I've watched it do some pretty awesome
things. And as I'm thinking about a conversation
that is going to be on our podcast with Nathan
Ray, who says that one of the ways to actually
bring students from that middle is through those
micro moments. And he says a micro moment is
taking time to connect with the student in terms
of, oh, you're wearing a certain sports jersey
today. You like that team? Tell me about your
connection with them. Or what Nathan said that
his sophomore English teacher called all the
parents before the school year began and asked,
what does your child like? They like Michael
Jackson. OK, I'm going to have a Michael Jackson
poster in my room. They like the Mets. He didn't
say the Mets, but I'm not a sports person. So
I'll just say they like the Mets. OK, they can
write a paper about that through one of our topics
coming up. They can make a connection through
that way. And those micro moments and connecting
to students through what they appreciate as part
of their everyday likes can keep their interest
and draw them in as being a citizen in your classroom.
I think that's the answer, Megan, to bring them
away from the middle, to connect with them through
those micro moments. And I think in addition
to having stability and routine in the classroom,
I also wonder, how can we use micro moments yet
still be safe in doing so? This reminds me, I
just took a first aid for mental health training
for youth. It's cool how they unite those two
things together. Mental health first aid, right?
Yes. How do you provide first aid to a student
who is struggling in some way? And with micro
moments, we can maybe sometimes feel overwhelmed,
like, oh my goodness, it's going to be so hard
to connect. What do I do? I have to do something
special. And there's that idea, there's research
that supports that one adult in a youth's life
can be the difference between whether they're
resilient. And they're not. And I would say the
same thing about micro moments is that just as
one moment can break a kid, one moment may be
all it takes for them to feel like they noticed
me. So how do you notice a kid, right? In an
appropriate way? Well, clearly through the lens
of the classroom, making sure that you are. verbally
validating when your students speak. So if you're
having a discussion in the classroom and you
choose a student, they raise their hand. And
I would sometimes choose students that weren't
raising their hand. I would look around the room
and I would see. who I could maybe ask, but I'm
careful to put students on the spot because I
can do that when I feel like they're comfortable
with me. And once I know they feel safe in the
classroom, that I can start to pull them out
of that comfort zone. And invite them into the
dialogue. Yeah, and invite them in. And if they
say, oh, I don't know, and they clam up, I don't
then push. I may wait. And again, it's all dependent
on the situation on the day on the student, but
you have to read. that student's body language
or they hide it what are they doing what do you
know about the student it's a lot of information
to balance but ultimately what is more important
in that moment that you just yank that answer
from that student or you assess the situation
which is the first thing you do we talked about
this in the mental health first aid is you're
assessing you're constantly assessing the situation
yeah is how is the student reacting when i invite
them into the dialogue and maybe we just add
yet to this they're not ready yet yes agreed
and i would also like if I had a student I would
use that as an opportunity in a more private
moment because if I know that student didn't
want to say anything out loud in front of people
I may find a moment as they're leaving the classroom
or maybe even the next day when they're coming
in to say like, hey, that was okay that you didn't
answer. Let's try again. And what are you feeling
about that? It's just, it's always an opportunity
to open up this dialogue to learn more about
them. And then maybe you try again down the road.
But there are some students that will never feel
comfortable being called on. And one of the,
I think, mistakes we make as educators or even
the way we look at leaders is that leaders are
extroverted. Leaders are charismatic and boisterous
and leaders stand out among the crowd. And that's
not how everybody leads. And it isn't how everybody
learns. People learn differently. And our teachers
also can be very I'm a very introverted person.
I thrive in the classroom, but I. and very awkward
in social settings. So how would you, Joey, then,
you tell me through your lens, if we're doing
an activity, how would you modify or meet the
need of a student like you who feels more introverted,
but you still want to have the opportunity to
express yourself or participate? How would you
vary that or modify where everyone has an ability
to come to the table? Absolutely. And I'm going
to have to model that in practice in about three
hours at three o 'clock today with my Monday
class. And what I do is that I form my classes
in a circle like setting, meaning that we are
in a scenario where we should be able to see
and validate each other. I want to set up my
classroom in a way that allows everybody to,
again, be seen, validated and heard. I think
those are the three pillars that. can really
help any classroom for a student to be seen validated
and heard and my classes are very discussion
oriented you will highly unlikely see coming
from me a multiple choice exam right or even
a short answer quiz i'm all about here's the
conversation and Let's write about the conversation
for your written work. And your grade is pretty
much contingent on either how you speak your
way through the conversation or reflect about
it if you didn't choose to share. And what I
do is I, because again, I'm a humanities instructor,
I have all my students sit around and I let them
share first. Sometimes it is the same two or
three voices. That's fine. But I will never single
a student out, but I will absolutely single a
group of students out. I'd be like, okay, so.
Ben, Sarah, Liam, you 10 have not had a chance
to share yet. Do any of the 10 of you have anything
that's on your mind to contribute? And that's
how I don't ask them a question directly. But
my question is, tell us anything that may be
on your mind at this second. Anything that you
want us to know that you're thinking about right
now in this moment. And it leaves it very open
for them. And if not. I did my job. I invited
them into the conversation and I'll say, okay,
thanks for letting me know. If you change your
mind or if something comes up, we're here and
we're able to listen to you. And I leave it as
an open invitation going forward for them. I
really love that. I've never heard that approach
before where you call out. OK, so, so, so, so,
so we haven't heard from you. And so you're not
just saying one person's name. You say it, but
you say all these other people and they feel
like they say that time. Exactly. We're in a
group that that is. Lovely. That is lovely. So
growing up, I was validly identified by my closest
teachers as a separatist. And my twin brother
had a much easier time than me making friends.
And I typically would find comfort in eating
alone, being alone. quite frankly, not being
bothered, and other than the smallest circle
of close peers that you can possibly imagine,
I truly saw my teachers as my true comrades during
my time in K -12. I visited the rooms at 7 .15
in the morning before the first bell at 7 .30,
and I'd often spend lunches in the rooms with
them as well, and even stick around for maybe
20 or so minutes after the seventh period dismissal
bell to just Pack up slowly and chat with them.
And if anything, I found this to be humanizing.
And it's likely for those reasons that I went
forward with the paradox of wanting to become
a teacher, despite the fact that when I was the
age of a student, I felt so disconnected to other
kids and frankly didn't like kids. And it's because
of how I connected to teachers that I went forward
with this profession. So as a teacher, I've always
seen myself as someone who was present. And my
first year students would also attest to the
fact that I was also willing to offer my classroom
as a safe space to those who may have a need
for it. And I mentioned this on a couple segments,
maybe even yours as well, Megan, that one of
the things that really got me into trouble as
a first year teacher was that I thought it was
my job to keep my students safe, period. I was
that last resort to keep my students safe. And
there was nothing beyond me. Because I knew that
the school psychologists would respond differently
than me in a way that maybe would not get the
best help for that child in crisis. What I did
not know was no matter what I felt or how the
bureaucracy worked, it was only my job to keep
my students safe, comma, for now. And no matter
what I saw within the system, I had to abide
by that and follow that protocol in order to...
keep my job and succeed in my job the way that
I was able to. So then, Megan, with that, what
are some general norms that you can share with
us about practicing safety within the classroom
as an educator? You want to start with what are
your school's policies? But I am not that person
that's going to tell you, you can never hug a
student. You can never put your hand on a student
in a supportive way. It comes back to intention,
right? Is there a reason for you to do that?
Is there a pure intention there? So if you have
a student that you really think would benefit
from having space, like your safe space, your
classroom becomes a safe space during lunch.
My husband actually, he has students that like
a group of them that like to hang out in the
choir room or whatever during lunch. And there's
a group of them. It's not just one. But even
so, if my husband was going to be in a classroom
with just him and another student. You have to
make sure that a situation like that is easily
observable and easily interruptible. And I'm
stealing this from the Elephant Alliance, which
is an organization that their whole mission is
to prevent educator sexual misconduct. And so
these two women, Mackenzie Bufis and Patty Sampson,
incredible women that have, I think they're in
the same camp is that they're not going to tell
you, you can never, because that. is unrealistic
in some ways. For some teachers, fine, and I
respect that. But if you're going to have a student
in your classroom, you have to be aware of what
are the optics of that. You want to create space
between you. Fine, they can be there, but they
are not sitting at your desk. They're not near
you. And if you're going to speak to them, make
sure that you still, even though it's just you
and that student, you're maintaining professional
demeanor. So it's have a student in your room,
but be transparent. Tell people, go down and
say to your principal, say, hey, I've got this
student and here's the situation. And I really
want to be a safe space for them. But I want
you to know. What's going on? So that if anybody
comes to you or this is my plan, they're going
to always sit here. I'm always going to be at
my desk or whatever. But it comes down to transparency.
What if you go down to leadership and say, hey,
the student needs a safe space and they shrug
their shoulders like it doesn't matter who cares?
Well, you have to be careful, like you said,
right, is that you got to know school policy.
I would start asking questions. I wouldn't just
leave it at that. You don't want to push and
push and then create conflict because at some
point you do have to respect. If your administrator
is telling you you shouldn't do this and you
think that it's a reasonable request for whatever
reason, okay, well then how else can I help that
student? What resources can I give them? If they
can't be in my room, okay. If that's the rule.
But part of that mental health first aid is we
assess the situation and we provide. support
and information. So if we can't provide the support
of our classroom for whatever reason, what can
we provide as support? What information can we
give? Maybe there's a number, like a hotline
or something that they can call and you can say,
hey, if you want to talk to somebody, there's
this number, but you have to gauge that. Again,
does that seem fair to say that you just have
to find how else to support them? I would not,
though, recommend just saying to your administrator,
like leaning into that and going. creating that
conflict because then what happens is it's going
to create conflict and then drain you of energy
that you need to be able to give to other students
too. If you're going to go to bat for a student,
you still, what is that like? You can catch more
flies with honey. If the administrator doesn't
seem to understand, maybe continue the dialogue
a little bit or say, hey, could we talk about
this a little bit more? And if they say no, and
I know this is so difficult, but you do have
to respect it. There's something that there's
like a safety issue that you have to report,
which, by the way, I learned this from the Elephant
Alliance as well, that when you look at the hierarchy
of reporting, where the ball gets dropped is
at the administration level. Because what they
do is they start to fear what's going to happen
if this information gets out. And then they go,
well, we're just going to deal with it in -house.
But you have a responsibility. as a mandatory
reporter, to report that to an authority, whether
that's like the Department of Child Services,
whether that's the police. But you have to do
something. So in that case, if you're going to
an administrator and you're expressing that you
have a major concern and they're dismissing the
concern, well, maybe that is a fight you need
to get into. Because if that administrator is
doing that to you, who else have they done that
to? Who else are they ignoring? I mean, that's
a bigger issue, right? And this goes, we have
an accountability problem in our country. It's
just we all have to work together to agree that
accountability is the way to go. It's not punishment.
I'm not trying to punish you. But we're so busy
with being like, we want our children to be successful.
We want to be successful that we're missing that.
We should really be trying to get our children
through childhood, teaching them resilience and
not. putting them into situations where they're
going to incur major trauma. You can't always
do that. But what I'm saying is we're so busy
wanting our kids to be great achievers that I
think sometimes we can completely forget that
their mental and emotional health has to come
first, who they are, so that they don't base
their value on what they do, that they have value
as they are. Which goes back to Maslow's hierarchy
of needs. And I think the greatest takeaway that
we can gain from that is just knowing that there's
ways that we can allow and include all students
to follow through with the idea of safety and
what that means. And as educators, we have a
responsibility to practice that. And something
else that I would advise other educators to do
is that if you have an administration that is
resistant to assisting and maybe dropping the
ball on their level, what I learned to do at
one point is to form a village of colleagues.
If I saw that there is a student in crisis, but
I knew that there were other faculty who were
aware of the student's needs and the student
got along well with those faculty members, I
would let them know what my observations were.
Hey, I'm aware that the student is struggling
with A, B, and C. I think it's between just my
own knowledge, so please keep it confidential.
But if you could be another pair of eyes and
just a watchdog for the student, please do so.
If I'm her second period and if you're her fourth
period, check in on her at that point of the
day. Hey, how are you feeling? Do you have a
safe space to go for lunch other than, let's
say, the bathroom? Sixth period. Okay, you're
the sixth period teacher. Do you mind checking
on her before the bell rings and is after school?
Make sure that she has a safe space to go after
school before she heads home. Just having other
watchdogs during the day to form a village, I
find to be safer than leaving one teacher accountable.
for a student my therapist will say to me what
are your options in this situation and you just
offered up a great option right it may be helpful
to write out what are my options again and i'll
go back to the administrator that you start here
here are my options and then if they ignore here
i'm going to this level i'm going to go to this
level and this may be a really hard pill to swallow
But sometimes it will cost you your job. Yeah.
And that doesn't make what you did wrong. Because
if you know that you were doing the right thing,
if you were in the face of injustice, you suffered.
When you set fear aside and you only think about,
if I wasn't afraid, what would I do? And you
come from a place of love. and caring for people,
if you suffer for that, that's just part of it.
It is, and it is what it is, and that becomes
a form of justice through the injustice. Right.
Well, and you still, you may leave that environment,
but you will have planted a seed in that environment,
even if nobody's listening and this whole thing
happens, you lose your job. It doesn't mean that
you haven't made a difference. And that impact
years down the road when another teacher maybe
has the same issue and they think back to the
other teacher that was let go or for whatever
reason, and they're like, we need to do this
differently this time. So you never know how
that can affect you. And of course. It is your
choice. In the end, it is always your decision
how you want to deal with things. I just want
people to know that they aren't alone if by trying
to do the right thing, they suffer greatly because
of it. And if and when you do, to be able to
pick yourself up knowing that you did the best
that you could, that you can sleep at night.
You can be at peace with yourself because you
did right by you and your values. And then you
try to find whatever faith you can, whether that's
in God or whatever, the universe, any way you
want to say that. And you hold on to that and
you say, I had a purpose in that situation and
now I'm in a new situation and now I'm going
to look for what next. And try to look back on
that other chapter. with what gratitude you can
and what lessons you can carry through with you.
But it's okay. The worst thing you may think,
I'll lose my job. That's the worst thing that
could happen. And it may, you may feel like that
was the worst thing and it may happen, but I'll
tell you what, you're going to wake up the next
morning and you're going to keep going. And you
have no idea how your life may unfold in this
even more incredible way. It reminds me of one
of my favorite Hollywood movies on teachers,
Dead Poets Society, where we have Robin Williams
as John Keating, who's trying to do the right
thing as a teacher by letting his students think
freely, not really thinking against the system,
but just being a free thinker. And one of his
students who comes into combat with his parents
because of his thinking, he wants to be an actor.
And his parents said, no, you will become a doctor.
You will do ABC. And he says, well, I'm thinking
freely. I just. I want to be an actor. That causes
conflict, which ends in the student losing his
life by suicide. And unfortunately, the teacher
is to blame and Keating is ousted. And I made
a verb out of that to say, oh, that person got
Keating. But you see, when he leaves his classroom,
the amount of other students that he has influenced
in his time was incredible. He told them on their
first day of class, call me. your captain, oh,
captain, my captain, call me captain. And as
an ode to his time at Welton Academy, the students
stand on their desks and salute their captain
as he walks into, the way the camera has it,
he's walking out into the light. So it's like
he's finding a happy beginning somewhere else.
But in doing so, he's also touched the lives
of many students in his building. So to educators
everywhere who may have had those bureaucratic
incidents, just trust your intuition that you
did the right thing at that time. And nothing
is all good or all bad. Right. And we do not
have control over those things. That is such,
it is sad, isn't it? I'm just glad you brought
that up because that is a tragic thing, right?
Is that by freeing that student and making him
feel like he could think freely and he could
be something else because he was trapped. He
wasn't living, right? I sort of call these things
like a ticking time bomb where at some point
something is going to happen. If it wasn't then.
It could have been later. Yeah. But just because,
again, not everything is all good or all bad.
Think about your intention. And did it come from
a place of love? All you can do is do the best
that you can do. And if you see injustice, stand
up and speak out about it. And using this podcast
is a platform to speak out about that. In addition
to a 300 -page dissertation. So there's that.
Love it. Love it. So Megan, I wanted to come
to a conclusion for our conversation asking you
to talk to us about dissonance. What is it and
why? And what from this conversation have we
not yet touched on that we still want our listeners
to know? I started writing dissonance during
a crisis in my life. I was in the darkest season
of my life. I hope I never have a darker season
than this. And I wrote it as a way to save myself.
And through helping other people, my hope was
that by sharing my story, that by helping other
people who I knew were going through similar
things, that was making me better. That was healing
me. My book Dissonance has themes of grooming
and educator sexual assault and abuse because
I was groomed by my high school band director.
And then that turned into a sexual relationship.
And when I look back on the whole thing, I'm
sure that the grooming began before then. And
the story begins in April of 2019 when I found
out that my high school band director had been
arrested. And it really changed the trajectory
of my life. It was very traumatic. I was 33 years
old at the time. I'd been married for about 10
years. I had two young boys. And I thought I
had life figured out pretty good. New job, new
home, things are going really well. And in an
instant, my whole life just turned upside down.
And so I don't need to get in too much into the
weeds of this because there's so much to this
story. So many different things about it. But
it was my way of piecing together my past and
how my past led to what ended up happening in
my adulthood, how my young life was impacting
my adulthood, even in ways that I didn't even
know. And the thing that I'm really proud of
it, I just want to say, and you know this too,
Joey, right? When you think about your dissertation,
I mean... you have worked your butt off to do
it, to get it done. And it is just, I poured
everything I had into that. I gave up so much
time from my family and they gave it to me willingly
because it was what I needed. My husband was
so supportive through this. And actually he came
up with the title of the book because I told
him at some point, I said, okay, I know the book.
I want it to be one word. And I want it to be
a word that has meaning in both psychology and
music. because I was dealing with both of those
things. You've got the music teacher aspect,
but also this mental health issue. And one day
my husband said, I've got it. I know what your
book's going to be called. It's going to be called
Dissonance. And I said, you are a genius. That
is awesome. So I'm very proud of it. And I'm
so touched by the conversations I've had with
people who have read the book and have come to
me and shared their own stories or just connected
with me in some way. And it is a dual timeline
structure. So that means that it is constantly
or every chapter it is alternating between the
present and the past. So you are getting an opportunity
to see how what happened in the past is now affecting
the future and how all those things piece together.
And I hope that... it inspires people to look
at their own life in the same way. Back to what
you were saying earlier about bringing trauma
into the classroom. How do we not let that happen?
I encourage anyone to go back and don't be afraid
to look at your past with honesty and compassion
and to see how what's happened in your childhood
and not to blame. You can say, yes, that's the
reason that I feel this way. But also, if you're
talking about a parent, yes, my parent acted
this way. I can still love them. They did the
best that they could at the time. Or maybe they
didn't. And I'm going to deal with that. But
either way, you're dealing with it. You're not
ignoring it and avoiding it. I could go on and
on about the book. I just want people to buy
it and experience it. And so why do you think
people should read this book? Thank you so much
for asking that, Megan. I was actually going
to offer that as a comment as well. Dissonance
is going to stick with me for quite some time
because it's... enabling me to reflect on my
opening practices as an educator who, again,
took on that role as a therapist and keeping
students safe. Again, not safe, comma, for now,
but just thinking I was keeping them safe, period.
And reading Dissonance allowed me to transparently
acknowledge the, I'm going to use a word that
I think best fits it, It allowed me to think
about the threat that it looks to a leadership
team when you have one educator who is trying
to behave in a way that they feel is going to
protect other students around them and what that
means when they are moving forward with their
own pedagogy and their own styles in a way that
may go outside the box that other teachers may
be willing to handle and carry. That could even
be something as, honestly, my first trade teaching,
I wouldn't mind writing back to an email at 4
a .m. If a parent wrote me at 3 .58, I was on.
And I write them back by 4. And it taught me,
yeah, that's how bad my sleep cycle was. And
I go to bed and wake up at 6 .30 and believe
I could do it again the next day. And it... made
me reflect and think about certain behaviors
that I was told to correct and why it was important
for me to do so instead of thinking, well, you
know, this is my routine and this is what gets
me to and from work. So I should stick with this.
And it taught me what it really meant to be a
safe educator. Yeah, you do get to hear my teenage
self, my thoughts from my teenage perspective.
And I think it does sort of open that door for,
oh, my gosh, teenagers can think this way about
this. Well, yes, we can. You know, yes, we can.
So thank you for that awesome endorsement of
my book. No, highly endorsed. And as first opening
your teachers as well, as you start to become
seasoned, of course, our practices are always
adjusting. And I believe it's true when they
say you don't really have it figured out till
year three. And it's almost like. I'm not a parent,
but I would imagine in being a parent, nothing
comes with a manual. And I think what Dissonance
has reminded me is that we need to be fluid in
our practices as educators and accept what does
and what does not work and choose the practices
that will keep us protected as educators in order
to ensure our students are safe, comma, for now.
That's my endorsement on Dissonance. Megan, do
you have any final thoughts that you wanted to
share with our listeners for today? I just want
to say that it's okay to not be perfect. It's
the wanting to be better, right? So we're not
going to be perfect, but it is that desire to
grow and to learn and to also be able to forgive
yourself when it's not perfect. And I just so
thankful for the work you're doing, Joey. It's
so great. And I feel very honored to have had
a chance to speak on this platform. So thank
you. My pleasure. Thank you so much, Megan. And
to echo Megan's sentiment, I definitely would
love to see our viewers have a discussion with
us about Dissidence when you have a chance to
read it in our show notes. Megan is transparent.
She shares her soul with you through her text.
And I definitely feel like I'm like a part of
her family after reading it because I know all
her different members. And I think one takeaway
that I've also gained as an educator from reading
the text is that We need to try to keep our students
protected, but we also need to forgive ourselves
for what we don't know and what we can't know
and still allow ourselves to have resilience
as classroom teachers despite the circumstances
we deal with every day. So, Megan, I wanted to,
again, thank you for sharing your soul with us
and for reminding us that classrooms aren't sealed
off spaces. We carry what we carry, whether we
say it out loud or not. And if you do want to
dive deeper, again, Dissidence is out there and
it's a powerful read. So take care of yourselves
and we'll see you all next time on the podcast.
Thank you for joining us on the Classroom Narratives
Healing and Education podcast. If today's episode
inspired you or made you think differently, I'd
love to hear from you. Drop a comment or review
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