Welcome to the Classroom Narratives Healing In
Education podcast, the space where education
meets resilience. I'm Dr. Joey Weisler, and in
each episode, we dive deep into the personal
stories of educators, students, leaders, and
frontline advocates who are navigating the complexities
within modern education. Whether you're just
starting your teaching journey, Or are we seasoned
professionals looking for inspiration? We'll
explore how to foster meaningful change, prevent
burnout, and build trauma -informed communities
within our schools. Now, let's take a seat at
the front of the classroom as we get started.
Welcome back to the show, everyone, where today's
episode brings us a voice who speaks directly
to the heart of our mission, healing, growth,
and transformation through education. Nathan
Wray is an award -winning motivational speaker,
a teen mental health first aid instructor, and
a prevention coordinator who uses his personal
journey from being expelled just before graduation
to becoming a national voice in youth empowerment
to connect with students, educators, and communities.
He doesn't just talk about mental health and
substance misuse. He's lived it, and now he's
helping young people with raw stories across
the country reclaim their self-worth and rewrite
their stories. So, Nathan, thank you so much
for joining us. It's a privilege. Happy birthday.
Thank you. And welcome to the show here on March
24th. It's good to be here. I'm really grateful
and honored to talk with you and to speak with
your audience today. It's such a joy for all
of us. So Nathan, I wanted to go ahead and first
of all, start with your story. It's okay for
us to share. You were actually expelled from
school just before your graduation. And now you've
received, all these years later, the Tennessee
Governor's Award for Suicide Prevention. And
tell us the steps that you took in terms of your
transformational journey that has moved your
pain into purpose. And what can struggling students
learn about your journey and your story? Yeah,
so I'll just kind of back up to high school really
quick. Three weeks before high school, that whole
senior year, pretty much all four years of high
school I didn't listen to anybody I had my own
agenda I wanted to do what I wanted to do I didn't
care about anybody else and I thought my decisions
only affected me and by the time that I got to
my senior year of high school I was told pretty
much halfway through the year that if I didn't
pass a math class that I wasn't going to graduate
that I wouldn't have enough credits and so I
didn't take that seriously. I didn't buckle down.
I didn't have any discipline. I didn't ask for
help. And three weeks before graduation, they
came to me and they said, hey, listen, you're
not putting in the effort. You're not putting
in the work. It shows. So you need to leave.
And that was the end of my high school career.
And I went to graduation and I watched all of
my friends walk across the stage and get their
diplomas. And I heard their families clap and
cheer for them. And I watched them take pictures
afterwards. And here I am in this spot of isolation
and loneliness, but also blaming everybody else.
You know, certainly wasn't my fault. I did everything
that I was supposed to do as a kid. And so I
played the blame game for a really long time.
After graduation, I had the opportunity to move
to Phoenix, Arizona. And so I moved and spiraled
a little bit further out of control. My parents
gave me the opportunity to move to Nashville.
My dad got transferred to Nashville, Tennessee.
And so I moved to Nashville, Tennessee with my
parents. I ended up getting a job there. I met
my wife there at that job. I was still using
drugs and alcohol, still making really poor decisions.
We ended up having a son. And when he was three
months old, I came home from work one night.
I had stopped at a bar. I had stopped at a friend's
house and had used. And when I got home, she
was waiting on the porch for me to get home.
And it was like two in the morning. And I walked
up to the porch, and even though I had been drinking,
I had been high, I still remember this moment
because I was sweating. My heart was pounding.
My legs were shaking. I was certain that she
was just going to end our marriage. And when
I got to the porch, she said, "Nathan, you've
got to make a decision. You can be a husband
and a father, or you can leave." And in that moment,
I realized like, she's giving me an option. I
have this option. I didn't make the right choice
at first. I did leave at first. And several months
later, we kind of patched things up. And I asked
her if she could help me become sober. And so
she did everything that she could. She dialed
me in. She gave me rules. She gave me responsibilities.
She gave me a schedule. Like I had never really
had that before. got great parents, but I just
was never really in a system of a process for
the day. It wasn't like, hey, we eat breakfast
at this time, lunch at this time, dinner at this
time. It was just like, yeah, you eat when you
eat, man. And so she really hammered that down
for me. And so in 2023, I got sober and I haven't
used a substance since 2023. We ended up having
three more children and life was difficult. Because
all of our children have some type of special
need. And so when you're raising four kids that
have special needs, it's expensive, it's timely,
it's costly, but it's a blessing as well. But
we ended up moving around, taking different jobs.
We ended up in Tennessee. I started working as
a kind of a youth leader at church youth groups.
And I had a friend that said I would be really
good for a job for a nonprofit. And so I applied
for the job. I got the job and it was doing substance
use prevention. And at the time, one of my daughters
was 10 years old and she was really struggling.
She was struggling with school. She was struggling
with behaviors and she was struggling with being
bullied in school. And one night we found a text
message on her phone that was her talking about
ending her life. And I will say people are probably
going like 10 years old. You gave her a phone
at 10 years old. Yeah. If I could go back and
change that a hundred percent would go back and
not give her a phone until she was 18, not even
16, but 18. But you learn from the lessons, the
mistakes that you make, you learn from them.
But I sat with her all night and I didn't know
what to do. And I asked her, how often do you
think about suicide? And she said, every moment,
like every single moment I think about it. And
I just didn't know how to respond. I didn't know
what to say. I didn't know who to call. I didn't
know where to go. But I knew that I wasn't going
to go to sleep that night because I didn't know
what she was going to do. And the next morning,
we got everybody up. We got her ready for school.
And right before school, she made an attempt.
And we had to take her to the emergency room.
She's alive and well today. She's thriving. She's
18 years old and doing amazing now. But in that
moment, it was really, really scary. But it put
me on a pathway to figure out, first, I need
to help my daughter. Right? Like, first, I need
to do that. Once I figure that out, I want to
help other families. because they're like, they're
going through this kind of thing too. Maybe they're
not talking about it, but they certainly are.
So we got her the help that she needed. We got
her some really intense therapy, had a friend
that did ABA therapy and that's for kids with
autism. And that's one of her diagnoses is she
does have autism, but we got her ABA therapy
and life turned around for her she found some
really great friends she found purpose she's
an artist and so when i knew that she was well
that's when I started to dive into how can I
help other families prevent this from happening
to them and so I became question persuade refer
certified I became an instructor on it as well
and so I started teaching QPR classes so that
churches, businesses. I don't care who you were.
If you owned a car lot, I was going to see if
you'd let me come do a QPR class for your sales
team because they might have family who's struggling
with this. And so I just started doing a lot
of that. I don't know the reason why I won the
award. I was nominated for it. But I think part
of the reason was because me and my youngest
daughter in 2019 We printed a ton of cards that
just said, you matter. And then it had the prevention
lifeline number on the back before it was 988.
We also had suckers. And so we'd give them a
sucker and we'd say, hey, we're glad you're here.
And if you ever need this card, please use it.
And that kind of caught on. People were talking
about it. And even people were like, well, I
don't need it, but I'm going to pay it forward.
And they would pass it on to somebody else. And
so I think that's what. won me the award or got
me nominated for the award, but we were always
focused on helping families to prevent suicide.
I'm nearly at loss of words because I'm just
digesting your story. Thank you for all that
you're sharing, inspiring our guests with. And
I'm also thinking about in terms of, first of
all, what does QPR stand for? Question, persuade,
refer. Got it. And something else that comes
to mind is when individuals choose to turn towards
substance use, tell us a little bit about what
they're thinking about at that time. Like what
validates the need to use? Yeah. So I'll just
tell you from my experience, I had adverse childhood
experiences and someone like me who has four
or more is 38 times more likely to die by suicide.
And someone like me who has four or more adverse
childhood experiences is 400 % more likely to
suffer from depression. And someone like me who
has six or more adverse childhood experiences
is likely to lose about 20 years off the end
of their lifespan. And so for me, I was trying
to cope with those adverse childhood experiences.
I was trying to cope with. the shame and the
guilt that I was feeling. I was trying to cope
with the depression that I had. I was trying
to cope with feeling alone, like nobody else
could understand what I was going through, not
being able to tell anybody. I was trying to cope
with all of those things, but they're just, for
me, there was no way to cope. And so I was offered
a cigarette for the first time at 12 years old.
And when I used that cigarette, all that dopamine
hit at once. And when that dopamine hit at once
at 12 years old, I wasn't thinking about the
shame. I wasn't thinking about the guilt. I wasn't
thinking about any of that stuff. I just thought,
oh, that felt good. And I like that feeling.
And I want to avoid the emotional pain that I've
been feeling. And so I'll just keep using cigarettes.
And that's how it started for me was I was using
cigarettes to avoid the emotional pain. I never
got that same. cigarette buzz ever again and
so eventually I moved to marijuana and then I
moved to alcohol and then I moved to other drugs
and I just kept chasing that feeling of numbness
and I think for me that's what it is I can't
speak for everybody else but for me it was I
needed to feel numb and that was the only way
that was happening for me so when you speak with
school age students, and you hear about their
stories, some maybe on similar directions and
paths, what advice do you give them to really
humanize the decisions and allow them to adjust
their thinking to help themselves? Yeah. So first
of all, I let them know that no one's opinion
of them is going to determine their value. And
that's something that I always struggled with
as a kid was that, man, if somebody has a negative
opinion of me, that determines my value. And
that's going to put my value in the tank. And
then it's going to put my worth in the tank.
And then I'm going to feel anxious and alone.
And so that's one of the first things that I
share with students is no one's opinion of you,
no matter who they are. And I've had some feedback
on this. And I'll say, it doesn't matter if it's
your principal. It doesn't matter if it's your
parent. It doesn't matter if it's your guardian.
It doesn't matter if it's the mayor of the town.
Their opinion of you does not determine your
value. And sometimes principals are like, well,
my opinion does. And I'm like, well, eh. Take
that with a grain of salt. Because in a way,
yes. But what I'm trying to share with them is
that if somebody looks at you because you've
made a mistake in your life and they think there's
the troubled kid, that opinion doesn't matter.
So that's one of the first things that I share
with them. The other things that I share with
them is proper preparation prevents poor performance.
And so I talk about basically like the keys to
success in life. It's goal setting, it's determination,
and it's self -control. And if you want proper
preparation prevents poor performance, then you've
got to have some goal setting. You've got to
have the determination to line up your values
with those goals so that if somebody comes to
you and says, hey, do you want to hit this vape
with me or do you want to hit this THC cart with
me? You can look at your goals and you can look
at your values and go. Yeah, no, I've got enough
self -control here. It's doing the fundamentals.
It's doing the basics. You don't win games in
scrimmage. You don't win games by being curious.
You win games by practicing the fundamentals.
And that's how you win at life. You practice
the fundamentals of life, goal setting, discipline,
self -control. And so we have a lot of conversations
around that. And then when I talk to students
in a big auditorium or even in a classroom, all
of that includes resilience. It includes coping
skills, coping mechanisms. So it's not just,
I'm going to come in here and preach at you and
tell you don't do drugs. We tried that in the
80s, just say no, and it didn't work, right?
And so we have to tell kids, say no, but here's
how you do it. That's what I help kids discover.
I help them discover how they say no. Because
if I'm an artist and you're approaching me about
drugs or alcohol, and I know it's going to affect
the way that my brain thinks, it's going to affect
my creativity, I'm not interested. I'm going
to keep working on my art. And if I get angry,
that art can be a coping skill. Or if I get angry
and I play the guitar, that guitar can be a coping
skill. Or if I feel ashamed, I can play the guitar
and that guitar is a coping skill. I can go work
out. I love it when I talk to high school athletes
and they're like, oh, we don't need this. We
don't need someone to come in here and tell us
not to do drugs. And I'm like, just give me a
chance. Give me an opportunity. Let me talk.
And at the end, it's usually they're the ones
that are coming up to me afterwards. And they're
like, man, thank you. Thank you for being here.
I really appreciate it. And there was educators
that. Especially when I was teaching at the middle
school level, it was so important for us not
to focus on redemption or exoneration, but at
least focus on giving students a second chance.
I taught for one year, but it was a spring term
followed by a fall term. So it was a calendar
year, not a school year that I taught for. And
in the fall, I had some of my colleagues come
up to me and say, hey, watch out for students
A, B, C, X, Y, and Z, because they're as a first
year teacher, they'll put it on you. No student
wants that. Just like how no teacher wants to
be like, oh, you got that teacher and have that
reputation. It's so important to always try and
offer a second chance to all of those involved.
That's one of the things that I've worked on
over the past two years. I didn't create this
program myself, but I helped create a program
for students who have been caught vaping at school.
And instead of suspending them and sending them
home so that they can just keep vaping at school.
We created a program to where they take a class
on Saturday. First, the school has to change
their policy to be able to do this, but we've
helped schools change their policies. They take
a class on a Saturday. Their guardian comes to
the class for the first hour with them. They're
going to get that first hour education as well.
After that first hour, the guardian leaves. The
student stays. They get the continuous three
hours of education. It's more like a workshop
than it is like someone just... talking down
to you and then after the three hours we send
the sign -in sheet to the coordinator of school
health or to the principal whoever's running
the program, we let them know that those students
attended and that they are welcome to come back
to school on Monday morning. They don't miss
school. They're not taken out of their school.
They're not suspended. They will get a citation
to like juvenile probation, but as long as they
pass the class, that citation is thrown out.
They never have to go see the judge as long as
they pass the class. So that's one of the things
that I really wanted to focus on because I remember
being a kid and being told, you have to go home
for three days. And I thought, this is awesome
because I got in trouble for is what I'm going
to do at home because nobody's home. Right. You
know, so when we talked about this diversion
program. we really wanted to make sure that we
were keeping kids in their schools. Because what
we also know is that kids that go to alternative
school, if they get sent to an alternative school
for two to three days, or even 45 days, let's
just say 45 days, they go to alternative school
for 45 days. And then they go, okay, you go back
to your regular school now. So you go back to
regular school on Monday. What you learned in
alternative school, It was not the same lessons
that you were learning in your typical school.
Now you're behind. So now you're not only behind,
now you're frustrated. Now you're mad. And what
do you do? What do you do when you're frustrated
and you're mad? You use the only coping skills
that you have. You go back to using substances
or you get into a fight or you smart off to a
teacher. And then you're right back at alternatives.
And it just becomes a cycle. It's a cycle. And
so one of the things that I've been helping schools
do as well is to set up almost like a re -entry
program from alternative school. So if you do
have a student in alternative school for a really
long time, I want to help you set up a re -entry
program so that someone is going to touch base
with that student the morning they return to
their typical school, and they're going to keep
touching base with them for at least 90 days.
So that student knows that they're supported.
that they're not alone, that they have some type
of help. And if they need some like coping skill
suggestions, they can turn to their reentry program
advisor and go, hey, this is not going well.
What do I do? If you are in a school, ask if
you have a reentry program from alternative school.
And if you don't, call me, send me an email,
reach out to me. I will help you set that up.
And that info will definitely be in our show
notes as well, because I, confession time here,
I have not been in a middle or high school classroom
as the instructor of record since 2019. So I
know that the situation was pitiful and pathetic
in 2019. So to see how that has grown since 2020
frightened me. I'm continuing to do my research
through my contacts and my peers, my connections,
but have yet to do it by being on the front lines
myself. So I appreciate my colleagues who are
doing that on the behalf of all hero teachers
out there. And what I've noticed even before
COVID times is that my students would come to
me and say, I feel like a number. I don't feel
like I'm seen or visible at the school. Nobody
wants to listen to me. My voice doesn't matter.
So Nathan, I wanted to hear a little bit more
about what advice you would offer. especially
to institutions that focus on those matrix -based
solutions and how they can be reworked in a way
to benefit the well -being of our students. And
you also mentioned recently in an Instagram reel
about issues with vaping, especially when parents
are purchasing the vape for their kid and saying,
well, it came from me. And you said something,
well, then would you start buying the crack for
your kid too and becoming their drug dealer?
Tell us about... what schools and families and
communities to do in order to get involved and
adjust the matrix -based thinking of our system?
That's a heavy question. Let's hear about it.
Yeah, no, it's a great question. And it takes
me back to substance use prevention coalition
work. And when you look at that type of work,
you have 12 sectors of the community. It's government,
it's law enforcement, it's hospitals, it's parents,
it's religious organizations, it's small business.
I'd have to get out the whole index, but there's
12 sectors of the community. unless those 12
sectors are collaborating efficiently, sharing
data, sharing information. And I'll give you
an example of sharing information. I had a friend,
former police officer, tell me this story once.
But there was a child in DCS, and that child's
parents were pulled over in another county, and
they found drugs in the car seat of that child.
And so that child was entered into the system.
As taken away from the family, put into DCS foster
care, the family ended up getting the child back,
did what they were supposed to do. But about
three months earlier, there were issues at school
with a sibling of the child. Major behavior issues,
coming to school late, coming to school with
just raggedy clothes on and not being kept up.
And so there was a report made to their local
DCS. These two DCSs could have connected. They
could have collaborated, but they didn't know
about this situation. The younger child ended
up passing away from abuse and that could have
been prevented if the collaboration would have
been there. And I'm a huge fan of collaboration.
I want to partner with everybody because if I
can get DCS. to talk to the school and I can
get the school to talk to the hospital and I
can get the hospital to talk to the police departments
share information about what's going on then
we can effectively help these children especially
the ones who are at really high risk of substance
use in the future that's those kids who have
the adverse childhood experiences so one of the
things that we did here locally Tennessee got
opioid abatement funds. And those funds came
from the state of Tennessee sued Big Pharma.
And Big Pharma had to pay out, I think it was
Purdue, had to pay out money to the state of
Tennessee. So the state of Tennessee, instead
of just keeping it as the state of Tennessee,
they distributed it to the local county governments.
And they said, here's what each one of you get.
And it's up to you to collaborate in. figure
something out to do with it. So what we did as
a community is we 12 sectors came together and
we started to talk about what is the best. way
to use this money and so what we did was we created
three jobs in our community we created a community
navigator someone who is going to be out on the
front lines working with people in active substance
use people who are unhoused they were going to
be working with them and seeing if they could
get them into treatment see if they can get them
into housing get them food whatever that was
The other job that we created was the emergency
room navigator. So if you came into the emergency
room under an overdose diagnosis, you were meeting
with that navigator. And the ER navigator and
the community navigator, they were sharing information.
So if someone came in for an overdose, they would
put it in the system and go, hey, this person
came in for an overdose. And the community navigator
would go, hey, yes, I just saw them today, and
I'm glad they came in. They were very interested
in treatment. And so, okay, now we're moving
forward. The third position we created was, I'm
trying to think of the name of it. It's a position
in the school, and basically they're like a navigator.
and so those three people communicate so now
a person that's in the emergency room has kids
they've been out in the community they've talked
with the community navigator now we're letting
the school know hey these kids they probably
have an adverse childhood experience so what
services can we get them now how can we intervene
now what positive childhood experiences can we
create for them now so that they have the right
prevention in place so that they don't follow
the same generational cycle that their guardian
is. That's what collaboration really truly looks
like. It's not about... getting credit. It's
if we can come together and really take the funding
that we get from whatever grants we can acquire.
If your community does have opioid abatement
money, I would figure out where that's at. And
I would want to sit down as a community and say,
how do we use this the best way to help people,
but ultimately to keep kids safe? They can change
the cycles that are happening in their neighborhoods.
Yeah, it's so important for us to revise those
broken systems. And I know in sociology, we call
that organic solidarity and all the systems come
together. It's like in a human body. If the kidney's
not working or the stomach's not working or the
brain isn't working, if something is off, it
affects the way that the entire rest of the body
works together. That's why we call it organic,
organic solidarity. And I think when you have
all the systems start to communicate to keep
our students safe, for now. That's a big mistake
I made when I was the teacher. I didn't collaborate
with the system. Well, I tried to, but they weren't
collaborating with me. I'll put blame where blame
is due. They would not collaborate back with
me. So I thought my job was to keep my students
safe, period. I did not have the training for
that. I was not a therapist. So now I'll put
the blame back on myself. My job was to keep
my students safe, comma, for now. The punctuation
mattered. And I didn't acknowledge that, which
got me into a lot of trouble. seeing myself as
that therapist with no training nor means. And
I think when these systems actually do start
to communicate and collaborate, that just makes
the bureaucracy so much more efficient. It really
does. It really does. And it's not only efficient,
but purposeful. Yes. And I think a lot of times
when we look at community where they've got,
okay, the police. departments coming together,
fire departments coming together, the mayor's
there. You got all these bureaucracies. You think
there's no purpose in this. These are just people
trying to scratch each other's backs and that's
it. But one of the other things that was implemented
here in our community, it's implemented in several
communities across the East Coast. I don't know
how far it goes out West, but it's called a handle
with care. And so if there's an experience where
a school age child. Maybe their house catches
on fire or maybe their parents are up late arguing
and the police have to come. Handle with care
is an officer will arrive at the house and they
find out what school those children go to and
they send a handle with care notice to the school.
And it just says, Johnny Smith, handle with care.
That lets the school know that, hey, there is
a situation. We're not going to tell you what
it is. because this is not about spreading gossip.
This is just about making sure that these kids
can get services if they need them. So if the
kid comes to school and there's behavior issues
right away, oh, wait a second, we're not going
to give them detention. We're going to handle
them with care. Let's take them into the counselor's
office. Let's let them calm down for a little
bit. Maybe they're grumpy. Maybe they have behavior
issues because they need a nap. So let's give
them some space to take a nap. And then... let
them re -engage back into school later in the
day if that's what we have to do as a community
to make sure that kids are safe then that's what
we need to do the handle with care program you
can find it through the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation
and i'm sure it's in other local districts as
well but if anyone is interested in that i can
connect them with the director of that program
I'm adding that to our show notes as well. So
those will be available. And Barbara Sorrell's
Reaching and Teaching Children Exposed to Trauma.
She mentioned the exact same thing where it's
a really significant game changer for really
all parties. When you see a student who has suffered
from an experience or an event or an instance,
and that behavior starts to show in class, you
change that conversation from what's wrong with
you to how can I support you? And when you, as
the program itself says, when you handle with
care, it really helps the student heal and focus
on decisions that may not continue to destroy
them as a person as well or lead to destructive
outcomes. Yeah, that's one of the questions that
I mentioned in my talk when I talk with students
is how everybody kept asking me the same question.
What's wrong with you, Nathan? And nobody ever
asked me, not that I can remember. I'm sure maybe
somebody probably did, but. That I can remember
nobody ever really asked me, hey, what happened?
And how can I help you? And how can I help you?
Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. And that's definitely
one of the things that our own teachers listening
should know as well. So Nathan, I wanted to know
for our listeners here that are in charge of
the classroom spaces, what guidance do you have
for them to help focus on a more trauma -informed
thought process while also not burning out? Because
I'll also mention this, what got me into trouble.
And why I left the classroom in the middle of
the year was because I did take that trauma -informed
approach, where I did ask, how can I help you?
And I wasn't ready to hear that. My students
were suicidal. They were isolated. They were
feeling this. They were feeling that. Nor was
I equipped to help them. But to the chagrin of
my administration, I tried. And that's what led
to both my burnout and my reason to leave because
I was no longer viewed as just the eighth grade
English teacher. I was like stepping on the toes
of the school psychologist and it was a very
bad situation. So what advice do you have for
teachers to stay in their world, but still try
and help? Yeah, I believe in micro moments and
micro moments are just those. Little things that
you do every day to let a student know that you
see them, you hear them, and you value them.
It doesn't mean that you give them the authority
to behave any way they want to behave, but it
shows them that you're there and that you do
care. And I will tell you, as a kid, I didn't
believe anybody cared. I didn't. Except for one
teacher. And this one teacher, she was my sophomore
English teacher. I guess you would call it ELA
today. And in my freshman year, a lot of teachers
wrote me off. I failed every class. I had got
caught making fake report cards in school and
had been in trouble for that. And a lot of teachers
just said, this kid's just trouble. You don't
want him in your class. And instead of looking
at those notes, she called my parents. And she
said, can you tell me what Nathan is interested
in? I really want to like mold my class, not
just after what he likes, but after what most
of the kids like in my class. And I was a big
Chicago Cubs and a big Chicago Bulls fan, Michael
Jordan fan. And the first day of class, when
I walked in, there were Chicago Cubs posters
on the wall. And I thought, this is cool. Like
I'm automatically interested now. And so we took
that first semester to read about the life history
of Willie Mays. And then we had to write reports
on it, but I was engaged and I was having fun
with it. And it was the best grade I ever got
in high school. I never got a better grade than
that, but it was those micro moments of just
hanging a poster up. It was the micro moments
of when I was walking down the hall and acting
a fool, she would like, she'd fist bump me and
she'd go, Nathan. And I go, I know, I know. And
immediately I would cut it out because I would
think about that classroom and how I wanted to
be in it. not how I wanted to be suspended and
just go home, but I wanted to go to that class
and I want to make sure that I can still go to
that class. So I'm going to stop acting like
a fool in these hallways. So that's one of the
things that I do quite often is when I go to
speak at a school, I actually ask if I can just
stay the whole day. I don't want to be there
for just an hour and do my speech and then leave.
I want to make a lasting impact. And I take that
opportunity that whole day. for the micro moments.
I'm going to fist bump kids in the hallway. I'm
going to ask them what's on their shirt. I'm
going to tell them that I like their glasses.
I'm going to tell them that I like their shoes.
I'm going to ask them questions about their favorite
class in school. I'm going to sit with them at
lunch. And honestly, during lunchtime, I look
for the kid sitting alone. And I'm going to go
sit with that kid. I know as teachers, you are
busy. And you probably have to grab your lunch
and do your planning. But I guarantee you there's
a kid in your cafeteria sitting alone that needs
to be seen, valued, and heard. And you have an
opportunity to take your lunch and sit down with
them and just ask them what they're interested
in. Ask them what they love to do. Ask them what
their favorite thing about life is. And you will
see a kid that goes from sitting alone at a table
to a kid that has friends within just a couple
of weeks because you gave them the space to be
valued, seen, and heard. It's the micro moments.
I've been doing those micro moments for three
to four years. And I'll help my local schools
if they have a student who has some behavior
issues. I'll just go and stand in the hallway.
before school starts and I'll wait for that student
to walk by and I'll be like, oh man, you got
a lot of riz, don't you? And I'll fist bump them.
I won't ask their name. I won't do nothing. We'll
just do that at first. And then eventually I'm
going to get their name. Eventually we're going
to have conversations and eventually there's
an opportunity to mentor that student. And I
will tell you that there just aren't enough mentors
for students. If you have the ability, if you
have the background, if you have a clean, safe
background, become a mentor for a student because
every single student needs a mentor and there
just aren't enough. But it's the micro moments.
You don't have to be a therapist. You don't have
to worry about being trauma informed. You just
have to see the humanity in people. And that's
it. And if a kid feels that teacher saw me today,
they're not only going to have better behavior.
they're going to have better outcomes in the
classroom. And that's what we need. We need the
better behavior. We need the better outcomes
in the classroom, not for our benefit, not so
that the standards are this and the standards
are that, but because now we're creating a culture
of, hey, I'm valued and there's value in this
culture. I have worth and there's worth in this
culture and I'm seen. And I can see other people.
And now I can, as a student, now I can be the
fist bumper. Now I can be the head like your
shirt. And when those things start to cycle in
a school, you automatically reduce substance
use and violence. When kindness is the culture
of the school, you automatically reduce substance
use and violence. Because it's not at the front
of their mind. It's how can I be kind today?
And that's what our schools need. We need to
change the culture. to kindness, and that will
change everything for you. And having that with
it -ness as well. And I appreciate all of our
educators who take that time. And your story
with your 10th grade English teacher gives me
all the feels and a big shout out to all educators
everywhere who make those changes and students
every day. I'm also thinking about when you were
on the front lines of youth empowerment, speaking
about mental health, substance misuse, and resilience,
what are some of the biggest misconceptions that
schools and communities have on these topics?
And as we approach our closeout, how can teachers
and schools better show up for students to help
them within these areas? Eliminate the stigma.
That's my answer. It's always going to be my
answer. Having someone come in to talk about
mental health, teen mental health, teaching teenagers
how to provide teen mental health first aid to
their classmates, that doesn't mean that you
have a mental health issue in your school. It
doesn't mean that every student is suffering
with mental health. It just means that I'll go
back to the five Ps in life. It's just proper
preparation prevents poor performance. So if
I do have a student who's struggling someday
and they're not coping well, but I've taught
every single student teen mental health first
aid, that student's going to be okay. But there's
this stigma of we don't need that. We don't have
a mental health issue in our school. We don't
want anybody to know we have a mental health
issue in our school. If you're trying to hide
it, it's probably there. Yeah. Yes. And if there's
smoke, there's fire. Yes. It's just, listen,
we're trying to keep kids alive. The rate of
teen suicide has skyrocketed and we're trying
to keep kids alive. And I think you would rather
have your kid go through teen mental health first
aid than for you to go through a funeral service.
I believe that. So it's reducing the stigma and
openly talking about. mental health and it's
okay to say hey one time i went to a counselor
you don't have to share why or when or where
hey i went to a counselor once and it helped
it's okay to do that but we've got to reduce
the stigma in our schools and kids they want
to talk about mental health they do it's we can
show you the data like they're they're feeling
it and they don't know why or how to talk to
someone about it Yeah, and they don't know who
to turn to. They don't really know who the right
trusted adult is. Is it my guardian? Is it my
school counselor? Is it my coach? But they want
to talk about it. I mean, you can just Google
the statistics on this, and kids overwhelmingly
want to talk about mental health. And if we start
having those discussions instead of sweeping
it under the rug, then things will start to change.
But if we don't, we're going to get the same
results. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
And is there anything in our conversation today
that we haven't touched on yet that you wanted
to share with our listeners or a key takeaway
for them as well? Man, I just, I get to, sometimes
I get to do assemblies. I get to sit in the big
auditoriums and then some days I'm in a classroom
for the whole day. And it's taught me something.
It's taught me that educators are underappreciated.
They're underpaid and they're undervalued. And
I just, I just want to express. my sentiment
that if you are an educator you are doing selfless
work and the effort that you put in each and
every single day it's not going unnoticed people
do see it and people do appreciate it and from
the bottom of my heart if you are an educator
and you have a student who has behavior issues
who might have some substance use issues i will
tell you be like a 10th grade English teacher
and figure out what they love and pinpoint that
and talk to them about that. It doesn't matter
if you teach math and they want to talk about
science. If you teach art and they want to talk
about mechanics, pinpoint what they love and
just be that person for them because they need
it so desperately. But you all are doing an amazing
job and I'm so thankful for you all. We're equally
gratified that you're part of our system as well,
Nathan. So thank you so much. So Nathan, thank
you so much for your honesty, your heart and
your advocacy in today's conversation. And your
message reminds us that our greatest setbacks
can really shape our greatest impacts as well.
And that educators have the power to either break
cycles or build bridges. And if you're listening
and want to bring Nathan's message to your school
or community, visit NathanRaySpeaks .com as seen
in our show notes or follow him on Instagram
and TikTok at NathanRaySpeaks for more. We'll
see you next time on the Classroom Narratives
podcast where healing and education continue
to go hand in hand. Bye. Thank you. Thank you
for joining us on the Classroom Narratives healing
and education podcast. If today's episode inspired
you or made you think differently, I'd love to
hear from you. Drop a comment or review wherever
you listen to podcasts and stay connected with
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can transform our scars into stars in education,
one conversation at a time.