Welcome to the Classroom Narratives Healing and Education podcast, the space where education
meets resilience. I'm Joey Weisler and in each episode we dive deep into the personal stories
of educators, students, leaders, and frontline advocates who are navigating the complexities
of modern education. Whether you're just starting your teaching journey or are a seasoned professional
looking for inspiration, we'll explore how to foster meaningful change, prevent burnout,
and build trauma-informed communities in our schools. Now let's take a seat at the front of
the classroom and get started. Welcome back to our podcast. Today I'm incredibly honored to welcome
Paula Reed who spent over 32 years as an educator at Columbine High School. Paula is an advocate
for trauma-informed education and her decades of experience at Columbine have shaped her unique
perspective on resilience and healing within the school system. Her journey from surviving the
tragic events of April 20th, 1999 at Columbine High School to becoming a voice for change and
mental health awareness in education has been inspiring not only to her students but the entire
educational community. And Paula I wanted to begin by not only thanking you tonight for joining us
but also for continuing to share your story of strength, advocacy, and hope. Welcome to the
podcast. Thank you. I'm glad to be here. It's great to have you. So Paula I wanted to begin by
asking you to share some memories of Columbine's home of Littleton, Colorado from before 1999.
You began your tenure at Columbine in 1986. What were those opening 13 years like? So Littleton in
1999 was I would say very sheltered. There was a sense of a very deep sense of safety. It certainly
never occurred to me that we would be facing a school shooting. It was fairly affluent and
heavily evangelical Christian. I was at the time the speech and debate coach. That's what I was
hired to do in addition to teaching sort of garden variety English when I started in 86.
I had a large speech team which was not necessarily common among all schools but very large,
anywhere from 60 to 90 kids. And we were a very successful speech team so we were kind of a
powerhouse. I came into a program that was that strong and was expected to keep it that way
which I worked very hard to do. To sort of give you a little bit of an idea, when I was first there
in the late 80s there was an accreditation process that required schools to have people come in from
the outside and look around and sort of give your school ideas of where their strengths were and
where their weaknesses were. And one of the things that they pointed out was that Columbine was
really exclusively a college preparatory high school. But we had some kids that were not college
bound and we weren't serving those kids. So it was in the late 1980s that we started the ACE program,
Alternative Cooperative Education, that was for those kids that were not college bound
and were specifically identified as at risk for dropping out before they graduated.
And in time, in the late 1990s, I would go on to teach in that program as well as coaching speech
and debate. So I was doing ACE and speech and debate and sort of garden variety English all
at the same time in 98-99. But even if you came into the ACE class, which those are considered
at risk kids, they were pretty much well behaved. I mean, there were occasionally issues with them,
but they were really nice kids. They just, you know, school wasn't their cup of tea,
but they weren't rough. There was nothing rough about the kids that we had. That's not to say
that they hadn't experienced trauma in their lives and that kind of thing, but it was just a very
warm and supportive environment. We were a family. We were already a very tight knit school before
the shootings happened and probably a lot tighter even after. I had a wonderful career there. I
could not have asked for a better place to work. And that was true when I started there in 1986.
And it was just as true when I retired in 2018. That just didn't change. They were great kids
and great families. You in particular have been an incredible advocate for the healing of others.
You came and spoke to those in Parkland after our tragedy. And we thank you for all that you've
done to help us through our grief as well and navigating that type of emotional discourse.
And I wanted to know other than Columbine, what other types of events really made you feel
inspired to help others through their grief journeys? You know, it's something that I've
always had an aptitude for. I don't know. I can tell you that when I was 10 years old,
my 11-year-old best friend died of brain cancer. And our parents did not shield us from what was
happening. She knew she was dying. I knew she was dying. We could ask questions. We could talk to
each other about it. I was there hours before she died. I really grew up with the idea that
it was okay to talk about grief and to talk about death and to talk about those things.
So even in my first year at Columbine, when I had a student die by suicide, that was something I
really felt called to help my students process and get through. And some teachers are comfortable
with that and some teachers aren't. And that's just how it is. And there's not a right and a
wrong. If you're not comfortable with it, you're not comfortable with it. And you're just going to
traumatize yourself and everybody else if you try to make yourself do something that is just not
in your wheelhouse. But for me, that's never been true. I've never been uncomfortable dealing with
that. Now, once you get into the range of mass trauma, mass grief, it's a different ball game,
but everything I think that had come before it left me better prepared than I might have been
otherwise. Thank you so much for sharing that. And one thing that you've noticed is that there are
different types of responses that we carry when it comes to grief. And again, some teachers are very
open and communicating that to their students and others are not. And one thing that I wanted to
think about is how we really try to use classrooms to separate that binary of academics and emotions.
And it's a lot easier for us to try and sanitize those wounds, even in classes like English,
that could use pathways such as literature to invite those in through some ways. What advice
would you have for teachers who may want to create some kind of welcoming space for those
conversations to happen, but feel as if their academic spaces are otherwise sanitized?
I think English teachers are in a unique position on that, as are things like art,
things that are really about, well, the humanities, right? Human experience. And I have always,
like the reason that I became an English teacher, I couldn't decide if I wanted to be an English
teacher or history teacher. And I felt like I could get closer to kids and have these sort of
deep conversations about life as an English teacher through literature. The reason that we
read literature is to learn how to be human, to learn that we are not alone in any experience
that we have as human beings, that others have had this experience as well. There's a teacher in the
Catcher in the Rye who says to Holden Caulfield, you will be excited to learn that other people
have felt what you have felt and that they have advice to offer you hundreds of years later.
And that's very much my philosophy. So long before the shootings, that was an important thing for me
to do with literature, is to have kids connect their personal lives to it. So I think in those
classes, it's a very natural thing to do. Again, though, not every teacher is comfortable doing it.
So I know many English teachers who really are only like, we're going to talk about symbolism,
we're going to talk about story arc, we're going to talk about character development,
and I don't want to hear about your personal life. And there's a place for that. They're going to be
kids that don't like me as a teacher because I'm too personal about things. And they're going to
prefer that teacher that just wants to talk about symbolism. So I'm very hesitant to say that we all
have to be the same or do the same things. But I think there is space if that is something that
you're interested in. I know that there were math and science teachers who made space for that
after the shooting. I don't know that that stayed there. But I also think that no matter what your
discipline, if you are the kind of teacher who wants to connect to kids personally, then you
will do that. You will notice the kid who walks in one day with their head down and isn't participating,
and you're going to walk over and you're going to kneel down next to them and say, 'hey, is everything
okay?' And they're going to discover that you are someone that they can talk to, no matter what the
discipline is. And if you're not comfortable with that conversation, then hopefully you're at least
going to be gentle with that kid because you're going to get the vibe that something is going on
there. But you may not be the teacher that kneels down next to that desk. And that doesn't make you
a bad teacher. One thing that I have to come to terms with after the tragedies here in Parkland
is just trying to step back and, as you say, just acknowledge and understand to have a greater
vision as to what's really going on in front of my classrooms. Like if a student walks in with their
head down, it's not, 'why are they being this way today?' , but 'how can I help them because they are
this way today?' And trying to show that additional support for what's going on within the room that
I'm trying to read about. And based upon your dialogue so far, I wanted to ask, how can we
really, especially as humanities-based instructors, a lot of the guests in our program so far,
have been in those humanities spaces that are focused a lot less on the formulas and the facts
that we give in the biology or algebra course? And with our humanities-based courses, how can we,
as educators, really try to communicate and get through to our students without invading with their
emotions? I think that a lot of that is that if you're in touch with your students and with the
culture that they're living in, you can help them make those connections. Every now and then,
somebody will say to me, for example, I don't know why we teach the Scarlet Letter anymore.
It's old. It's completely irrelevant. And I'm like, seriously, in the day of Instagram and TikTok
and social media, a woman standing in front of everyone she knows and being slut-shamed
is not something that kids can identify with? Are you kidding me? That's like their whole lives
right now. So of course you can make that connection. And when we talk about Roger
Chillingworth in that book, and I tell students, I'm going to make you a dark promise. If it hasn't
already happened to you, at some time in your life, someone is going to do something unforgivable to
you. And you are going to have to decide whether or not you carry that weight for the rest of your
life. So it's up to me, with the wisdom and the experience of years, to be able to help them
find those connections in what they're reading. We can make those connections for kids. And then
if they want to expound on that, they will. I've had kids come up after class and say,
'you know that thing that you said that really connected for me, that really made a difference.'
Literature is very timeless, and its themes also tend to repeat. Paula, you and I, the first time
we spoke was last March, 2023. And since we communicated, I built an entire literature-based
curriculum. It's my favorite class. You helped me pick out all the books, and it's phenomenal.
It's now my new favorite class is each ever. The books that we put together are themed on silence and
vocality. And one of the reasons why we're recording this podcast tonight is in part so
my students can hear about our conversation when they now go back and connect to our books,
because they will be hearing this for some of their assignments. And the text that we've looked at
this semester and thinking about how characters either find a voice or lose a voice is in Speak
by Laurie Halse Anderson. You recommended to me specifically The Hate U Give on social justice
and blame. I've also included Push by Sapphire, and I'm also looking at The Giver with Lowry.
And another text you recommended is Maus by Art Spiegelman, which we just finished this week.
And by the time my students hear this podcast, they will have had a good sense as to how each
of these characters have found and lost a voice before we pivot to, or rather from the Holocaust
into Columbine, we'll be looking at your story, as well as Sue Clebold's memoir "A Mother's
Reckoning", and then turning forward into the Parkland activism and thinking about how we can
build this own toolkit of break the glass if needed with their own traumas. And I'm wondering
in terms of literature and stories, what are some lessons that we can learn in the classroom
because of the stories that we provide to our students? I think one of the really important
things that kids got specifically from Speak is that dealing with trauma gets worse before
it gets better. And so we looked at the symbolism of things like her cleaning up the garden and
clearing out all the sort of gross moldy leaves and stuff that are in there. So there's room for
growth to happen in her planting things and that that's happening as she's finding her voice and
how sometimes trauma and pain are so heavy that they feel unspeakable. But we have to speak our
truth in order for that healing to happen. And you see that same thing happen again in The Hate U
Give that she has to finally find her voice and speak to make room in herself for everything,
for her relationship with her boyfriend, for her difficulties in bridging the two worlds that she
occupies. All of that is about finding voice and being able to do that. And Maus, both sides,
being able to speak their truth to each other. And finally, at least for him to be able to hear his
father to understand to some degree why his what made his father who he is, is critical to trying
to heal that relationship. One of the things I like about Maus too is that it's not neatly
healed at the end. And that is life. Yes, especially with that generational trauma that we're still
trying to bridge together. And some of the things we spoke about also was when it comes to telling
the full truth to our stories, we need to be able, one of my favorite lines that I always emphasize
is from The Help when we have Aibelenne who says that she had to tell her truth through the stories
that she wrote in order to make herself feel free. And I'm wondering, when you work with other grief
activists, what are some questions that they ask you in terms, and I know when we spoke in 2023,
you mentioned that they ask, is this normal? And what should I be feeling? And when you get questions
like that, what belongs in that trauma toolkit that they can just break the glass if needed?
Well, I think one of the most important things is actually not about what you put in, it's about
what you take out. So when I talk to other survivors, and especially when it's very fresh for
them and they're just starting out, what you are being asked to do is climb Mount Everest,
and you have been handed a backpack full of rocks. And you've got to decide which ones you can put
down. You've got to be able to start identifying like this is not mine to carry. And other people
will try to make it feel like it's yours to carry, other people want you to carry their rocks.
Students want you to carry their rocks, colleagues want you to carry their rocks. We all have grief
and we all have trauma because we all went through this together. And you have to be able sometimes
to say, you know what, there's no room in my backpack for this. And while we're at it, I'm
taking this other one out and I'm putting it down too, because I just I can't carry all of this. And
in time, there are ones that you think you can't let go of. And you'll just be so damn tired that
you'll be like, Nope, you know what, I think I can let go of this one. I think I just have to.
And you feel guilty. People make you feel guilty. Why aren't you carrying this weight? You should
carry this weight. You know, no, and you don't owe anybody anything. And that's another thing that
people will try to make you feel. We put our hearts out to you and we did all these things to help
you get through this trauma. And it's like, that was really sweet. And that is much appreciated.
And I didn't ask for it. And I don't owe people things for that. Somebody came up to me at Parkland
the last time I was in and her husband was being asked to write an anniversary article. And she
said, he just doesn't feel like it. And I'm like, well, then he doesn't have to. Those are the rules.
I don't feel like it. I'm not gonna. So I think that that's probably the most important thing.
Yes. So the first time Paula and I connected was in March of 2023. And during that initial dialogue,
she referred me to several anthologies that helped me capture the voices of the human struggle,
especially as a result from violence and mass casualty. And in reading those different stories
that were provided to me through Paula's suggestions, I was able to come in touch with
the different testimonies from Columbine High School or as was coined Utopia High School.
I was able to learn the stories that came out of Sandy Hook or Pleasantville Elementary.
And one thing I've learned from all of my research is that no one wants to be remembered for a
tragedy. Each of the voices that I've encountered through these anthologies wants to be remembered
for being the vehicles of resilience and finding purpose in the aftermath of traumatic onset.
And I continue to be inspired by all of the different communities that have continued to
share stories, be hope, channel resilience to allow others to know that rest assured,
we are sharing, we are listening, and we are transforming our pain into purpose. So Paula,
thank you so much for coming in to share your invaluable insights and dedication with us today.
And your journey from survival to strength has not only shaped students and community members,
but has inspired educators all over. And as we work towards being a trauma informed,
supportive community, your story reminds us of the profound impacts that teachers can have
in healing and leading change. So thank you again for being here and for all that you do.
Thank you for joining us on the Classroom Narratives Healing and Education Podcast.
If today's episode inspired you or made you think differently, I'd love to hear from you.
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our scars into stars in education, one conversation at a time.