The Three Billy Goats Buff
Once upon a time in the land of Gainesville, there lived three Billy Goats who were anything
but ordinary. These goats weren't just into nibbling grass and climbing hills. No, these
guys lived for the pump, the grind, and the glory of the gym. They were Big Buff Bruno,
Ripped Ricky, and their little sister, the deceptively strong and full of surprises,
Tiny Tina. The goats had one goal in mind, to win the prestigious goat competition,
that's right, the greatest of all time contest for Billy Goats. It was an event where the
buffest, strongest, and swolest Billy Goats gathered to prove their might. But there was
one small, okay, big problem. To get to the competition, they had to cross a bridge, a
bridge guarded by none other than El Toro the Terrible, a troll who also happened to
be a lucha libra wrestling legend. And this troll didn't let anyone cross without a proper
wrestling showdown. Now, our buff goats weren't ones to back down from a challenge, but they
were also on a tight schedule. Leg day waits for no one.
A short while. Later at the bridge of doom and flexing, Big Buff Bruno led the pack,
his enormous biceps gleaming in the sun, and his protein shaker rattling as he walked.
As they approached the rickety old bridge, a booming voice rang out from underneath
it. Who dares to cross the bridge of El Toro the Terrible? came the roar. With a dramatic
somersault, El Toro leaped up from under the bridge, landing perfectly on both feet.
He was decked out in a glittering red and gold wrestling mask, cape flowing behind him
like he was headlining WrestleMania. He spread his arms wide and yelled, Lucha Libre!
Big Buff Bruno rolled his eyes. Look, man, we're just trying to get to the goat competition.
We don't have time for this nonsense. Nonsense, El Toro gasped, as though Bruno had just insulted
his mother's cooking. There is no greater honor than facing me in the sacred ring of
combat. If you want to cross, you'll have to face me. No one escapes my bridge without
a fight. Ripped Ricky, who had been flexing in the background just in case anyone was
taking selfies, stepped up. Fine, but how about this? We'll do it three on one. We'll
tag Team U and still get to the competition in time. El Toro's eyes gleamed from behind
his mask. Ah, three on one, you say. Now we're talking. He struck a ridiculous pose, flexing
his biceps. But if we're going to do this, we do it big. How about we put on a show?
All the goat competitors will be there and we'll give them a match they'll never forget.
In front of the whole crowd, three on one tag team, Lucha Libre. I'll even let the little
one here take a shot at me. Tiny Tina, who had been silently deadlifting a rock the size
of a small car, narrowed her eyes. You're going to regret that troll, and so, with a
shrug and a flex, the goats agreed. They'd crossed a heebridge and face El Toro in the
biggest wrestling match of their lives. A short while later at the goat competition
arena. The sun was setting, casting a golden glow over the arena. Goats from all over Gainesville
had gathered to see who was the buffest. But little did they know they were about to witness
the most ridiculous match of the century. El Toro entered first, some assaulting into
the ring, his cape fluttering behind him like he was preparing to face the rock.
La-dies and gentle goats, he shouted, his voice echoing across the mountains. Prepare
yourselves for a battle of epic proportions. Today, I face not one, not two, but three
billy goats buff. The crowd roared with excitement. Some of the goats in the front row even held
up glittering signs that read, hash team Toro and swole goals. And in this corner, the announcers'
voice boomed, from the land of Gainesville, with muscles of steel and calves that could
crush coconuts. Give it up for Big Buff Bruno, ripped Ricky, and tiny Tina, the three billy
goats buff. The goats strutted into the ring, flexing and posing like bodybuilders at a
competition. Bruno ripped off his tank top, Ricky showed off his 12 pack abs, and Tina
cracked her knuckles ready for action. The bell rang. Ding! The match was on. Big Buff
Bruno, always the boldest, charged into the ring first. He grabbed El Toro in a lock,
muscles bulging like they were about to rip through his skin. But El Toro was slippery,
flipping Bruno over his head and landing with a dramatic pose.
Ole! he shouted, cape twirling as he showed off his wrestling flair. Next up, ripped Ricky
stormed in, his muscles gleaming like freshly polished armor. He leaped off the ropes and
attempted a flying tackle. But El Toro dodged with a graceful cartwheel, landing in another
ridiculous pose.
You've got to do better than that, amigo. El Toro winked, the crowd eating it up. Ricky
groaned, tagging in tiny Tina.
All right, sis, your turn. Tiny Tina cracked her neck, flexed her surprisingly large arms,
and marched into the ring, locking eyes with El Toro. He gave her a smug smile, ready to
give up, little one. But Tina wasn't about to be outdone. With a move that shocked the
entire crowd, she grabbed El Toro and lifted him clean off his feet with a gorilla-pressed
slam.
The goats in the crowd lost it, bleeding wildly and throwing hay in the air. El Toro gasped,
genuinely stunned for the first time in his career.
I... I submit! he groaned dramatically, waving a tiny white flag he pulled out of nowhere.
The crowd erupted in cheers as Tiny Tina stood triumphantly, flexing her muscles for the roaring
audience.
A short while later at the awards ceremony. As the dust settled, the three Billy Goats
buff stood tall on the winner's podium. They were crowned the buffest goats of all time,
and the goat title was officially theirs.
El Toro, who had recovered from his epic defeat, joined them on stage.
You goats put on a good show, he said, rubbing his sore back. Especially you, Tiny Tina.
You've got the heart of a true champion. Tina smiled. Maybe next year we'll have a rematch.
You might want to start training.
El Toro laughed, giving a dramatic bow. I'll be ready, little one. I'll be ready.
And so the three Billy Goats buff, along with their new friend El Toro, celebrated their
victory. With their heads held high and their muscles flexed for all to see, they had proven
themselves not just as buff Billy Goats, but as true legends of the goat competition.
The end. Or is it?
When the sun goes down and the stars come out, three buff goats are wandering about,
Big buff Bruno, Ricky with his might, and Tiny Tina ready to fight.
Go to sleep, little kid, dream of the rain. When the goats wrestle, trolls, oh what a thing.
Let's send their muscles, showin' their stuff. Three Billy Goats buff, oh they're so tough.
They crossed a bridge, they met El Toro, who flipped into a world like there's no tomorrow.
The little Tina was way too strong, she swam that troll before too long.
Go to sleep, little kid, dream of the rain. When the goats wrestle, trolls, oh what a thing.
Let's send their muscles, showin' their stuff. Three Billy Goats buff, oh they're so tough.
Tiny Tina's flexin' as you close your eyes. Ricky's doin' push ups under moonlit skies.
Bruno's lifting weights made of candy bars. While you drift off to dream when counting stars.
Go to sleep, little kid, dream of the rain. When the goats wrestle, trolls, oh what a thing.
Let's send their muscles, showin' their stuff. Three Billy Goats buff, oh they're so tough.
So dream of the goats, so big and strong. Dream of the troll, who danced along.
Close your eyes and don't make a peep. The goats are here, now go to sleep.
Good night, little champs, we dream away of wrestling, flexin' and bein' great.