Rapunzel, a tale of independence, awkwardness, jazzing.
Once upon a time, in a kingdom not so far away, there was a young woman named Rapunzel.
But this was not your typical princess. Rapunzel was strong, witty, and fiercely independent.
She had been locked away in a tower for years, but not because she couldn't escape, she
just found the whole situation more amusing than problematic. Her so-called captor, a
woman who preferred to be called Mommy Dearest, was an eccentric ex-beauty queen stuck in
the glitz and glamour of the 1980s.
Mommy Dearest was obsessed with two things—her own beauty and staying fit through an endless
stream of Jane Fonda workout tapes. The tower's walls were plastered with posters of neon-clad
aerobic instructors, and every corner was littered with leg-warmers, scrunchies, and
oversized sunglasses.
Mommy Dearest wasn't your typical evil witch. Sure, she locked Rapunzel in the tower to
keep her safe and away from anyone who might have better hair than her, but she spent more
time perfecting her bubble-gum pink lipstick and hammer-pants-clad dance moves than paying
attention to her prisoner. In fact, Rapunzel could leave any time she wanted. The tower
had no locked doors, and her magical hair, flowing like golden rivers, could be coiled
into a rope that even a mountain goat would envy. But why would she leave? She had a great
view, a solid workout regimen thanks to Mommy Dearest's obsession with jazze size, and
the occasional entertainment of watching her mother attempt complicated dance moves in
outfits that looked like a cross between a parachute and a neon sign.
One fine day, as Rapunzel was doing her own workout, a much more efficient routine, mind
you, she heard a strange sound from below the tower. She leaned out of the window, hair
cascading down in the breeze, to see the most unexpected sight. A young prince, decked out
in armour that was just a bit too shiny and polished, was standing below her window. But
what caught Rapunzel's eye wasn't the prince. No, it was his steed. The prince, who will
call Prince Clumsington, was perched atop a donkey that had the confidence of a prize-winning
stallion. The donkey, with its head held high and a spark in its eyes, pranced in place
as if it were the finest horse in all the land.
Fair maiden! Prince Clumsington called up with dramatic flair, I have come to rescue
you from your terrible tower. Fear not, for I, Prince Clumsington, am here. Rapunzel raised
an eyebrow.
Rescue me! she muttered to herself. Oh, this should be good.
The prince took a deep breath, clearly mustering his courage, and attempted to climb the tower
wall using some vines. Unfortunately, Prince Clumsington was not exactly the most coordinated
individual. He tripped over his cape, fumbled with his sword, and tangled himself in the
vines, eventually hanging upside down, helplessly flailing like a pinata.
Fair maiden! Help! I seem to be—in a bit of a bind! he squeaked, still trying to sound
heroic despite being upside down. Rapunzel sighed, but her lips curled into a smile.
All right, I guess this is my cue. With ease she tossed her long golden hair out of the
window. Hold on tight, Prince. Prince Clumsington, confused but relieved, grabbed onto her hair.
With a single strong tug, Rapunzel hoisted the prince all the way up into the tower window.
He tumbled in with a loud crash, his armour clanging against the stone floor, his helmet
spun around on his head, leaving him momentarily blind.
I'm all right, totally fine, he exclaimed, awkwardly trying to regain his composure. Rapunzel
couldn't help but laugh. You were supposed to rescue me, huh? The prince finally removed
his helmet, revealing a boyish, goofy grin. Uh, yeah, well, I had a plan—sort of, he
stammered, brushing the dust off his cape. Before their banter could continue, there
was a sudden burst of neon-coloured energy from the far end of the tower. It was mommy-dearest,
strutting into the room with her boombox blasting a 1980s synth-pop beat.
Rapunzel, darling, it's time for our afternoon workout. We're doing jazzy-sized cardio blast
today," she said in a voice that could only be described as half-valley girl, half-witch.
She didn't even notice the prince, who was now staring wide-eyed at the woman who looked
like she had just stepped out of a workout video. Mommy-dearest adjusted her rainbow visor, tightened
her leg-warmers, and tossed her hammer-pants to one side, revealing a pink leotard underneath.
"'Who's this guy?' she asked absent-mindedly, applying another layer of lip gloss. Rapunzel
shrugged. Just some prints—he thought I needed rescuing.' Mommy-dearest glanced at
the prince, her eyes narrowing for a second.
"'Well, if he's here to mess up my workout schedule, he better get lost. Can't have
any one interrupting my leg-lifts. Besides, the 4 p.m. perm is coming up,' she said with
a flip of her crimped hair. Prince Clumsington, still somewhat dazed by the whirlwind of neon
colours and spandex, slowly rose to his feet.
"'Uh—right. I'll just—see myself out, then.' But Rapunzel was already gathering
her things, ready to leave. She turned to the prince with a confident smile. Come on,
clumsy prince, I think it's time we get out of here.'
Before Prince Clumsington could respond, Rapunzel grabbed his hand, and with a quick twist of
her wrist she tied her hair into a sturdy braid. With that the two slid down the side
of the tower, landing gracefully at the bottom.
Did you just—'
"'Yep,' Rapunzel replied, already walking toward the donkey, who was still prancing
like a show-horse. Prince Clumsington clumsily followed, still trying to process what had
just happened. He mounted the donkey, who of course looked as though he were ready to
charge into battle, and Rapunzel hopped on behind him. The prince, flustered but impressed,
and had heard the reins. You can drive," he said sheepishly, "'you're clearly better
at it.'" With a laugh Rapunzel took the reins, and the two of them, awkward prince, strong
princess, and their overly confident donkey, rode off into the sunset together. As they
galloped away they could faintly hear Mommy Dearest shouting from the tower, "'Don't
forget your leg-warmers, darling, and remember, hydration is key to maintaining a youthful
glow.'" The two burst into laughter as they rode through the fields, leaving the tower,
the neon madness, and Mommy Dearest far behind.