WEBVTT 00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:05.360 You're listening to I Have No Process. I am your 00:00:05.360 --> 00:00:09.820 host, Nicholas England. You are about to hear 00:00:09.820 --> 00:00:12.939 the enigmatic conclusion of our second season, 00:00:13.099 --> 00:00:17.640 including the very poem that first disclosed 00:00:17.640 --> 00:00:23.239 the notion of "no voice." Apart from an upcoming 00:00:23.239 --> 00:00:26.719 bonus episode, which paid members will soon be 00:00:26.719 --> 00:00:30.429 able to find on our Patreon, we'll be going on 00:00:30.429 --> 00:00:34.329 what I promise to be a brief hiatus, as our 00:00:34.329 --> 00:00:37.329 third season will be coming out promptly this 00:00:37.329 --> 00:00:43.490 summer. There's no monologue this time, so don't 00:00:43.490 --> 00:01:39.900 get comfortable. 00:01:39.900 --> 00:01:45.040 You should have this thought ready to hand against any eventuality. 00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:50.879 I have seen this often before. Generally, wherever you look, 00:01:50.879 --> 00:01:55.439 you will find the same things. The histories, 00:01:55.780 --> 00:02:00.739 ancient, more recent, and modern, are full of 00:02:00.739 --> 00:02:04.799 them. Cities and households are full of them 00:02:04.799 --> 00:02:11.060 today. There is nothing new. All is familiar 00:02:11.060 --> 00:02:18.280 and all short-lived. 00:02:18.280 --> 00:02:22.199 I think there are lots of emperors walking the earth 00:02:22.199 --> 00:02:26.759 these days, and kings and dukes and princes and popes, too, 00:02:26.759 --> 00:02:29.979 who are descended from peddlers of indulgences and 00:02:29.979 --> 00:02:33.780 grape baskets, just as, the other way around, 00:02:34.270 --> 00:02:37.590 there are lots of people down at the hill, suffering 00:02:37.590 --> 00:02:41.810 and miserable, who are descended by blood in 00:02:41.810 --> 00:02:45.250 a direct line from the greatest kings and emperors. 00:02:46.270 --> 00:02:50.150 Just consider the wonderful succession of kingdoms 00:02:50.150 --> 00:02:54.229 and empires, from the Assyrians to the Medes, 00:02:54.310 --> 00:02:58.650 from the Medes to the Persians, from the Persians 00:02:58.650 --> 00:03:02.250 to the Macedonians, from the Macedonians to the 00:03:02.250 --> 00:03:06.509 Romans. from the Romans to the Greeks, from the 00:03:06.509 --> 00:03:10.189 Greeks to the French. And to tell you about the 00:03:10.189 --> 00:03:13.550 man who's speaking to you, I suspect I might 00:03:13.550 --> 00:03:16.430 be descended from some rich king or prince of 00:03:16.430 --> 00:03:19.469 olden times, because you'll never see anyone 00:03:19.469 --> 00:03:24.069 who'd rather be a king and rich than me. So I 00:03:24.069 --> 00:03:27.430 could spread good cheer everywhere and never 00:03:27.430 --> 00:03:31.710 work and never worry about anything. and pour 00:03:31.710 --> 00:03:35.729 down gold on my friends and all good and learned 00:03:35.729 --> 00:03:40.689 men. But I console myself that in the next world 00:03:40.689 --> 00:03:44.650 I'll be grander than in this one, grander than 00:03:44.650 --> 00:03:49.430 I dare dream. Drown your own bad luck in such 00:03:49.430 --> 00:03:53.650 a thought, or a better one, and drink as much 00:03:53.650 --> 00:04:02.080 as you can, if you can. 00:04:02.080 --> 00:04:08.099 Pangloss taught metaphysico-theologo-cosmolo-nigology. 00:04:08.099 --> 00:04:11.580 He proved incontestably that there is no effect without a cause, 00:04:11.580 --> 00:04:14.979 and that in this best of all possible worlds, his 00:04:14.979 --> 00:04:17.660 lordship's country seat was the most beautiful 00:04:17.660 --> 00:04:22.220 of mansions, and her ladyship the best of all 00:04:22.220 --> 00:04:27.079 possible ladyships. It is proved, he used to 00:04:27.079 --> 00:04:30.279 say, that things cannot be other than they are, 00:04:30.500 --> 00:04:33.519 for since everything was made for a purpose, 00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:37.120 it follows that everything is made for the best 00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:41.459 purpose. Our noses were made to carry spectacles, 00:04:41.560 --> 00:04:45.959 so we have spectacles. Legs were clearly intended 00:04:45.959 --> 00:04:51.079 for breeches, and we wear them. Stones were meant 00:04:51.079 --> 00:04:54.480 for carving and for building houses, and that 00:04:54.480 --> 00:04:58.470 is why my Lord has a most beautiful house. For 00:04:58.470 --> 00:05:01.569 the greatest baron in Westphalia ought to have 00:05:01.569 --> 00:05:05.550 the noblest residence. And since pigs were made 00:05:05.550 --> 00:05:08.750 to be eaten, we eat pork all the year round. 00:05:09.949 --> 00:05:12.870 It follows that those who maintain that all is 00:05:12.870 --> 00:05:18.110 right talk nonsense. They ought to say that all 00:05:18.110 --> 00:05:24.810 is for the best. 00:05:24.810 --> 00:05:29.759 Well, that's philosophy I've read. And law, and medicine, 00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:36.060 and I fear theology too, from A to Z. Hard studies all 00:05:36.060 --> 00:05:43.199 that have cost me dear. And so I sit, poor silly man, no wiser 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:47.480 now than when I began. They call me professor 00:05:47.480 --> 00:05:52.379 and doctor, forsooth, for misleading many an innocent 00:05:52.379 --> 00:05:56.850 youth these last ten years now, I suppose, pulling 00:05:56.850 --> 00:06:01.709 them to and fro by the nose. And I see all our 00:06:01.709 --> 00:06:05.389 search for knowledge is vain, and this burns 00:06:05.389 --> 00:06:10.410 my heart with bitter pain. I've more sense, to 00:06:10.410 --> 00:06:14.110 be sure, than the learned fools, the masters 00:06:14.110 --> 00:06:19.310 and pastors, the scribes from the schools. No 00:06:19.310 --> 00:06:24.740 scruples to plague me, no irksome doubt. No hellfire 00:06:24.740 --> 00:06:29.060 or devil to worry about. Yet I take no pleasure 00:06:29.060 --> 00:06:34.060 in anything now, for I know I know nothing. I 00:06:34.060 --> 00:06:36.740 wonder how I can still keep up the pretense of 00:06:36.740 --> 00:06:40.720 teaching or bettering mankind with my empty preaching. 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:46.740 Can I even boast any worldly success? What fame 00:06:46.740 --> 00:06:50.920 or riches do I possess? No dog would put up with 00:06:50.920 --> 00:06:55.540 such an existence. And so I am seeking magic's 00:06:55.540 --> 00:06:59.620 assistance, calling on spirits and their might 00:06:59.620 --> 00:07:04.500 to show me many a secret sight, to relieve me 00:07:04.500 --> 00:07:08.459 of the wretched task of telling things I rather 00:07:08.459 --> 00:07:13.019 ought to ask, to grant me a vision of nature's 00:07:13.019 --> 00:07:17.459 forces that bind the world, all its seeds and 00:07:17.459 --> 00:07:22.689 sources and innermost life. All this I shall see, 00:07:22.689 --> 00:07:27.430 and stop peddling in words that mean nothing to me. 00:07:27.430 --> 00:07:34.490 It would do no good for him to say that 00:07:34.490 --> 00:07:37.990 the prayer he had made was a father's insane 00:07:37.990 --> 00:07:42.990 cry for help for his child, even though he knew 00:07:42.990 --> 00:07:47.910 that no one could hear his cry. In the midst 00:07:47.910 --> 00:07:51.730 of his despair, he had known what he was doing. 00:07:52.689 --> 00:07:58.170 He had been tempted, and he had fallen. It was 00:07:58.170 --> 00:08:03.350 a fall from grace, a fall away from himself and 00:08:03.350 --> 00:08:07.949 from the idea. It was probably true that tradition 00:08:07.949 --> 00:08:12.470 had been too strong in his blood. For so many 00:08:12.470 --> 00:08:15.689 thousands of years, the human race had always 00:08:15.689 --> 00:08:20.490 cried to heaven in its need. and now he had yielded 00:08:20.490 --> 00:08:25.290 to this inherited urge. But he should have resisted 00:08:25.290 --> 00:08:29.430 it, as if it were an evil instinct, because he 00:08:29.430 --> 00:08:32.649 knew right to the innermost fibers of his mind 00:08:32.649 --> 00:08:36.769 that gods were dreams, and that it was a dream 00:08:36.769 --> 00:08:41.129 he had fled to as soon as he prayed, just as 00:08:41.129 --> 00:08:44.330 he knew in the old days when he threw himself 00:08:44.330 --> 00:08:48.850 into the arms of fantasy, that it was fantasy. 00:08:50.389 --> 00:08:53.730 He had not been able to endure life as it was. 00:08:54.789 --> 00:08:58.570 He had been in the struggle for greatness, and 00:08:58.570 --> 00:09:01.190 in the violence of the battle he had forsaken 00:09:01.190 --> 00:09:06.590 the banner to which he was sworn. Atheism. The 00:09:06.590 --> 00:09:12.789 new. Truth's holy cause. What purpose did they 00:09:12.789 --> 00:09:16.809 all serve? What were they but names of tinsel 00:09:16.809 --> 00:09:22.289 for the one simple idea, to endure life as it 00:09:22.289 --> 00:09:29.110 was? Endure life as it was, and let life shape 00:09:29.110 --> 00:09:37.370 itself according to its own laws. 00:09:37.370 --> 00:09:40.690 It was our business to squeeze these lumps back into fluid. 00:09:41.740 --> 00:09:46.279 A sweet and unctuous duty. No wonder that in 00:09:46.279 --> 00:09:49.279 old times sperm was such a favorite cosmetic. 00:09:50.259 --> 00:09:55.399 Such a clearer, such a sweetener, such a softener, 00:09:55.539 --> 00:10:00.779 such a delicious mollifier. After having my hands 00:10:00.779 --> 00:10:04.460 in it for only a few minutes, my fingers felt 00:10:04.460 --> 00:10:09.940 like eels and began, as it were, to serpentine. 00:10:10.379 --> 00:10:16.580 and spiralize. As I sat there at my ease cross-legged 00:10:16.580 --> 00:10:20.559 on the deck, after the bitter exertion 00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:25.799 at the windless ,under a blue tranquil sky, the 00:10:25.799 --> 00:10:30.220 ship under indolent sail, and gliding so serenely 00:10:30.220 --> 00:10:36.259 along, as I bathed my hands among those soft gentle 00:10:36.259 --> 00:10:41.440 globules of infiltrated tissues, wove almost within 00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:45.620 the hour, as they richly broke to my fingers 00:10:45.620 --> 00:10:50.320 and discharged all their opulence, like fully 00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:55.159 ripe grapes their wine, as I snuffed up that 00:10:55.159 --> 00:11:00.740 uncontaminated aroma, literally and truly like 00:11:00.740 --> 00:11:05.539 the smell of spring violets, I declare to you 00:11:06.250 --> 00:11:09.710 that for the time I lived as in a musky meadow. 00:11:09.870 --> 00:11:15.490 I forgot all about our horrible oath. In that 00:11:15.490 --> 00:11:19.710 inexpressible sperm, I washed my hands and my 00:11:19.710 --> 00:11:23.889 heart of it. I almost began to credit the old 00:11:23.889 --> 00:11:27.970 Paracelsan superstition that sperm is of rare 00:11:27.970 --> 00:11:33.830 virtue in allaying the heat of anger. While bathing 00:11:33.830 --> 00:11:39.309 in that bath, I felt divinely free from all ill 00:11:39.309 --> 00:11:45.149 will or petulance or malice of any sort whatsoever. 00:11:46.950 --> 00:11:52.909 Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze all the morning long. 00:11:53.289 --> 00:11:58.269 I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted 00:11:58.269 --> 00:12:02.860 into it. I squeezed that sperm till a strange 00:12:02.860 --> 00:12:07.240 sort of insanity came over me, and I found myself 00:12:07.240 --> 00:12:10.799 unwittingly squeezing my co-laborer's hands 00:12:10.799 --> 00:12:15.299 in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. 00:12:16.399 --> 00:12:22.000 Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:26.320 feeling did this avocation beget, that at last 00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:30.120 I was continually squeezing their hands, and 00:12:30.120 --> 00:12:34.559 looking up into their eyes sentimentally, as 00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:40.740 much as to say, Oh, my dear fellow beings, why 00:12:40.740 --> 00:12:44.200 should we longer cherish any social acerbities 00:12:44.200 --> 00:12:49.820 or know the slightest ill humor or envy? Come, 00:12:49.899 --> 00:12:55.500 let us squeeze hands all round. Nay, let us all 00:12:55.500 --> 00:12:59.830 squeeze ourselves into each other. Let us squeeze 00:12:59.830 --> 00:13:04.830 ourselves universally into the very milk and 00:13:04.830 --> 00:13:49.230 sperm of kindness. 00:13:50.269 --> 00:13:56.049 "No Voice." I have no voice. Pushing air out of the flume. 00:13:56.789 --> 00:14:03.850 I have no age. A watch face with 400 hands. 00:14:05.250 --> 00:14:09.250 I have no body. Spirits wander over trails feet will never touch. 00:14:10.870 --> 00:14:24.940 I have no soul. So my soul insists. 00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:32.700 "Defined." Let common sense render me common. Let me 00:14:32.700 --> 00:14:40.440 succeed without striving. Profit by projecting. Wisdom 00:14:40.440 --> 00:14:45.659 make me wistful. Like a dog who wears a muzzle 00:14:45.659 --> 00:14:49.539 for another's comfort, I write with gloves on 00:14:49.539 --> 00:14:54.440 to leave no trace. So keep your chisel ready, 00:14:54.659 --> 00:14:58.519 that you may hew these silver hairs upon my chin, 00:14:58.759 --> 00:15:03.779 clip the endless growth of keratin, and cut the 00:15:03.779 --> 00:15:10.419 cloth I soiled with my odd suggestions. I only 00:15:10.419 --> 00:15:24.220 kid. The key to my cell was lost ages ago. 00:15:24.220 --> 00:15:29.879 "Inheritance." When I came of age, my grandfather took me 00:15:29.879 --> 00:15:33.519 in his arms and said, "Look at this marvelous thing! 00:15:33.720 --> 00:15:39.679 Worthy of my sincerest disappointment." 00:15:39.679 --> 00:15:43.190 Some men die without a will. Others live without one. 00:15:51.509 --> 00:15:56.590 "Tithe." Do you want to know how to get the monkey 00:15:56.590 --> 00:16:01.870 off your back? There are two choices. Either 00:16:01.870 --> 00:16:05.330 take a knife and plunge it deep into your heart, 00:16:05.409 --> 00:16:11.250 or forsake the village. Some have learned to 00:16:11.250 --> 00:16:25.230 carry the weight of the elders. 00:16:25.230 --> 00:16:28.389 "Strike." A Louisville slugger stands at the frontmost corner of 00:16:28.389 --> 00:16:32.850 our apartment, tucked behind the rusted, paint-speckled 00:16:32.850 --> 00:16:37.529 hinges of the bolt-latched door. The bat's barrel 00:16:37.529 --> 00:16:42.370 kisses the floor. Its knob rests hip-high upon 00:16:42.370 --> 00:16:45.990 the odd crevice notched between the closet and 00:16:45.990 --> 00:16:50.970 the entryway. The shillelagh addles many who 00:16:50.970 --> 00:16:55.409 enter, once they turn about and scan the stuff 00:16:55.409 --> 00:16:59.909 that shows what kind of people we are. "What's 00:16:59.909 --> 00:17:04.150 the bat for?" they ask. "Self-defense," I reply. 00:17:05.390 --> 00:17:10.990 They chuckle. "What good can that do?" They fail 00:17:10.990 --> 00:17:13.630 to mark the club has already struck them right between 00:17:13.630 --> 00:17:17.589 the eyes. The best cudgels don't need to be lifted. 00:17:17.589 --> 00:17:30.849 "Three Stones" 00:17:30.849 --> 00:17:35.309 "A poem should be like a punch to the gut." He said this 00:17:35.309 --> 00:17:39.710 after reading mine. "I never hope to lay my hands upon you." 00:17:40.589 --> 00:17:45.890 My reply. Which of us dropped three stones upon the scale? 00:17:45.890 --> 00:18:00.589 "Atone." How does one become a master? 00:18:02.269 --> 00:18:07.109 Another tired question. One we are beholden to 00:18:07.109 --> 00:18:13.690 bring up. just so we may toss it out. Examine 00:18:13.690 --> 00:18:18.150 Garrett. He doesn't exist, but examine him anyway. 00:18:19.750 --> 00:18:24.410 Garrett sweeps his stoop each morning. Sometimes 00:18:24.410 --> 00:18:28.029 he is quick, when the stoop has little in the 00:18:28.029 --> 00:18:31.349 way of debris, and sometimes Garrett takes a 00:18:31.349 --> 00:18:34.730 while, as when the maple leaves get strewn by 00:18:34.730 --> 00:18:39.390 the funnel of a cold late summer's breeze. The 00:18:39.390 --> 00:18:43.410 point is, Garrett sweeps his stoop, regardless 00:18:43.410 --> 00:18:47.890 of the stoop's condition. Now go live your life 00:18:47.890 --> 00:19:02.200 as though you never had parents. 00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:05.599 "Tell Me." I do not want to read 5 ,000 lines about something 00:19:05.599 --> 00:19:08.579 you might like to see manifest in the world one day. 00:19:08.579 --> 00:19:13.960 Instead, sit down and tell me what you had 00:19:13.960 --> 00:19:17.920 for breakfast this morning. I find breakfast 00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:24.720 food fascinating. At lunch, dinner, and any bite 00:19:24.720 --> 00:19:28.099 in between, a person can eat whatever they want. 00:19:29.500 --> 00:19:37.539 Dates. Caviar, baba ganoush, nobody blinks. Breakfast, 00:19:37.859 --> 00:19:41.819 on the other hand, is rife with strictures, which 00:19:41.819 --> 00:19:44.640 seem to be born of a tradition whose origins 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:51.079 escape me. Today, I enjoyed some ravioli, stuffed 00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:54.220 with lemon ricotta, even though you won't find 00:19:54.220 --> 00:19:56.980 that on the menu of your local Waffle House anytime 00:19:56.980 --> 00:20:01.069 soon. And I prepared the dish in the afternoon, 00:20:01.309 --> 00:20:06.450 as I had slept in late. And yet, for all that, 00:20:06.710 --> 00:20:10.410 it was the first meal of my day, when I broke 00:20:10.410 --> 00:20:16.609 my fast. So I'd say that satisfies. But I interrupted. 00:20:17.630 --> 00:20:30.880 What was it you had? 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:34.759 "An Invitation." I always take a book to work, a collection of 00:20:34.759 --> 00:20:38.519 poems or koans, something meant to be put down every 00:20:38.519 --> 00:20:46.000 few moments, reflected upon, evaporated. A book does 00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:51.299 not take my focus. It hides it, places it in 00:20:51.299 --> 00:20:54.960 the background of those around me, the visitors, 00:20:55.160 --> 00:20:59.970 dropping in whenever they need relief. safe harbor 00:20:59.970 --> 00:21:06.589 or escape. With them, I am listening, affirming, 00:21:06.710 --> 00:21:11.690 giving account. I am the one they ask to fix 00:21:11.690 --> 00:21:15.190 the television cables or to make more headway 00:21:15.190 --> 00:21:18.269 on the incomprehensible mess of that week's jigsaw 00:21:18.269 --> 00:21:25.150 puzzle. But sometimes nobody wants to talk. Sometimes 00:21:25.150 --> 00:21:28.619 silence is the only condoned form. of communication. 00:21:31.119 --> 00:21:37.700 Curious, sincere, to ask is to disturb. It cuts 00:21:37.700 --> 00:21:41.720 the terse stillness of a hot quiet and makes 00:21:41.720 --> 00:21:46.359 it explode. I have learned it is no better to 00:21:46.359 --> 00:21:51.460 sit nearby, conspicuously empty-handed, waiting 00:21:51.460 --> 00:21:55.660 to be made use of, waiting for someone else to 00:21:55.660 --> 00:21:59.599 determine the nature of things. Like applying 00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:04.359 pressure to a bruise, it begs a question nobody 00:22:04.359 --> 00:22:10.819 wants to answer. So I dissemble. I raise a book 00:22:10.819 --> 00:22:17.200 to my face, appear to mind myself. It is an invitation. 00:22:19.759 --> 00:22:24.640 Interrupt me. Bring me to attention. Pour your 00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:29.559 vase upon my head. Is that not what I am here for? 00:22:29.559 --> 00:22:44.000 "It Is Uncomfortable." 00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:47.319 I often sit at the table the smokers use when they need 00:22:47.319 --> 00:22:51.700 to come outside to fill their lungs. It's a fine place 00:22:51.700 --> 00:22:56.220 for conversation. Most everyone likes the trees. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:02.319 and the open sky. It loosens them up. There's 00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:06.019 more laughter out there. People feel more grounded, 00:23:06.180 --> 00:23:12.440 more themselves somehow. Naturally, I like to 00:23:12.440 --> 00:23:17.779 read. Watch the birds or the squirrels as I pick 00:23:17.779 --> 00:23:23.539 at a koan or two. Today, I read the following. 00:23:25.730 --> 00:23:29.789 "Range upon range of mountain peaks, rock faces, 00:23:30.049 --> 00:23:34.670 and cliffs all deliver their profound sermons." 00:23:36.309 --> 00:23:41.049 I thought of Heidegger. "A door is a door when 00:23:41.049 --> 00:23:46.049 you walk through it." I spied the low, circular 00:23:46.049 --> 00:23:50.269 columns that dot the border of the pathway as 00:23:50.269 --> 00:23:52.690 it curves toward our wing of the medical building. 00:23:54.250 --> 00:23:58.029 Though not designed to be resting places, they 00:23:58.029 --> 00:24:01.329 sometimes act as perches when the benches get 00:24:01.329 --> 00:24:07.470 too crowded. One column, the nearest to me, was 00:24:07.470 --> 00:24:13.109 missing a chunk of concrete. In my mind, I placed 00:24:13.109 --> 00:24:17.410 two monks, with their legs crossed, sitting upon 00:24:17.410 --> 00:24:22.819 that one and the one beside. "When are you going 00:24:22.819 --> 00:24:28.000 to replace this column?" the one monk asked. 00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:31.420 "Is it uncomfortable sitting there?" the other responded. 00:24:33.019 --> 00:24:36.460 "Yes, it is uncomfortable!" the first shouted back. 00:24:37.700 --> 00:24:43.259 "Then we will replace it, said the second." 00:24:43.259 --> 00:24:47.059 In the reality I had wandered from, a woman staying 00:24:47.059 --> 00:24:50.859 in the unit next to ours charged into my peaceful 00:24:50.859 --> 00:24:56.259 scene and shrieked, "It is uncomfortable!" before 00:24:56.259 --> 00:25:02.119 storming back inside the building. Like a sword 00:25:02.119 --> 00:25:06.359 slicing my solar plexus without breaking the skin. 00:25:06.359 --> 00:25:21.509 "Meditation." The shadows of autumn's stripped 00:25:21.509 --> 00:25:25.829 branches quiver in waves over the stillness. 00:25:27.630 --> 00:25:32.990 A nightingale mocks a white cat as it saunters 00:25:32.990 --> 00:25:39.309 down the garden path. A man loudly whispers to 00:25:39.309 --> 00:25:46.549 his wife, "Must you always take a picture?" 00:25:46.549 --> 00:26:02.039 Do not move. Try counting pebbles. 00:26:02.039 --> 00:26:06.279 "Friendship." Strange markings on the stone conceal their 00:26:06.279 --> 00:26:11.559 meaning inside my ignorance. My hushed monogamy with 00:26:11.559 --> 00:26:18.619 English folds other worlds inside the earth. Hoodoo pagoda, 00:26:18.740 --> 00:26:32.519 prayer flag cascades, an empty tea house. 00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:39.619 "Fishing with Kent." To the unasked question, "What is the 00:26:39.619 --> 00:26:45.329 Buddha?" I responded to my father's face. 00:26:45.329 --> 00:26:50.069 "The Buddha is not the Buddha." The old man laughed 00:26:50.069 --> 00:26:54.490 impertinently. "You are no wiser than those who 00:26:54.490 --> 00:27:00.349 say, 'This is this,' and, 'It is what it is.'" I applauded 00:27:00.349 --> 00:27:03.710 the comparison, then laid out my line of thinking 00:27:03.710 --> 00:27:09.150 like a waltz upon a carousel. When my mouth closed, 00:27:09.150 --> 00:27:13.849 and the turnabout slowed, my father slackened. 00:27:15.529 --> 00:27:18.869 "I seem to agree with you more than I first thought." 00:27:20.569 --> 00:27:35.250 The bait was set long ago. 00:27:36.089 --> 00:27:40.829 "Blind." Flashcards. Start there. The girls struggle with 00:27:40.849 --> 00:27:46.640 tenses, yet thrive in concepts. I furnish them with binary 00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:52.259 sets, let them organize by contrast. Objective / 00:27:52.680 --> 00:27:59.240 Subjective, and from there, Knowledge / Belief, 00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:10.079 Illusion / Delusion, The Earth / The World. 00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:13.869 My pupils are clever. I challenge them to predict 00:28:13.869 --> 00:28:18.369 where each notion will fall. When we arrive at 00:28:18.369 --> 00:28:22.089 Consensus, they prove they've grasped the game. 00:28:23.490 --> 00:28:28.289 Arguing about Descartes and Michael Jordan, they 00:28:28.289 --> 00:28:31.930 recognize that, even should the whole world agree, 00:28:32.190 --> 00:28:35.910 from the Falkland Islands to the Arctic Sea, 00:28:36.450 --> 00:28:42.640 it is impertinent, it is impossible. for such 00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:49.859 judgments to intrude upon reality. 00:28:49.859 --> 00:28:55.079 Another day, a different lesson, interrupted by the 00:28:55.079 --> 00:28:59.039 ceaseless wandering of their eyes, the parched yearning 00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:04.460 to comprehend in full the map of the world behind 00:29:04.460 --> 00:29:12.859 me. "What is it now?" I ask. "Russia," they groan 00:29:12.859 --> 00:29:20.220 in unison. "What about Russia?" They stare, almost 00:29:20.220 --> 00:29:27.980 worried with perplexion. "Why is it so big?" 00:29:27.980 --> 00:29:32.720 They inquire spontaneously after everything. Last week, 00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:36.259 they demanded an overview of campaign finance 00:29:36.259 --> 00:29:41.519 rules. Then, partway through, insisted that I 00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:45.319 illuminate the history of nepotism, coercing 00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:49.000 me to scamper to places as old as Kish and Akkad, 00:29:49.140 --> 00:29:53.359 and this in the midst of a lesson about tectonic 00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:59.799 plates. I can rarely help but acquiesce. "Do you 00:29:59.799 --> 00:30:04.200 want the long or the short version?" "Long!" 00:30:04.200 --> 00:30:10.039 they shout, with smiles like spring flowers. 00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:13.259 They beam at me as though my mind is a bottomless 00:30:13.259 --> 00:30:17.900 toy chest. They act as if the jewels of Baghdad 00:30:17.900 --> 00:30:21.079 are in the room with us when I elucidate the 00:30:21.079 --> 00:30:25.000 Golden Age. As if we're soaring over the North 00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:29.400 Pole when I describe the Coriolis effect. As 00:30:29.400 --> 00:30:32.599 if the distance between their home country and 00:30:32.599 --> 00:30:36.460 where we stand is truly to the scale upon the 00:30:36.460 --> 00:30:42.150 wall. One hundred million times easier to travel in our 00:30:42.150 --> 00:30:50.170 hearts than by land, sea, or air. The whole world 00:30:50.170 --> 00:30:54.910 sparkles in their eyes. How can I resist them? 00:30:56.950 --> 00:31:01.490 "Next week," I promise, "I'll tell you about the 00:31:01.490 --> 00:31:05.970 Cossacks, Siberia, and the men they called the Tsars." 00:31:05.970 --> 00:31:14.900 February 24th arrives. Missile strikes. 00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:23.500 Tank columns. Kiev. Donbas. The girls want to 00:31:23.500 --> 00:31:29.960 know why. I take the usual approach. Historical 00:31:29.960 --> 00:31:37.059 context. Realpolitik. A thorough account. Georgia / 00:31:37.640 --> 00:31:44.440 Abkhazia. Crimea / Warm Water. The Eastern Front / 00:31:44.680 --> 00:31:50.140 the Soviet Bloc. Spheres of Influence and Self- 00:31:50.140 --> 00:31:54.980 Determination. Julius and Ethel Rosenberg and 00:31:54.980 --> 00:32:00.759 Stanislav Petrov. A Duopoly on Superpower and 00:32:00.759 --> 00:32:06.000 a Game called Brinksmanship. It is not the first 00:32:06.000 --> 00:32:09.619 time we have broached the nuclear question, what 00:32:09.619 --> 00:32:12.019 with their neighbor to the north so routinely 00:32:12.019 --> 00:32:17.019 launching fire into the Sea of Japan. I have 00:32:17.019 --> 00:32:21.299 assured them repeatedly, the brimstone will never 00:32:21.299 --> 00:32:26.180 fall upon their heads. Their opposite number 00:32:26.180 --> 00:32:31.359 is caged in a state of constant tension. 00:32:31.359 --> 00:32:34.119 Cast out by his people if he doesn't deceive them. 00:32:35.359 --> 00:32:38.369 Overthrown by his generals. if he doesn't promote 00:32:38.369 --> 00:32:43.630 them. Annihilated by foreign powers, if he gives 00:32:43.630 --> 00:32:48.230 them the excuse. Regardless of his innermost 00:32:48.230 --> 00:32:52.630 character, his truest sentiments, his sanctum 00:32:52.630 --> 00:32:57.089 soul, the fool must continue to rattle the accursed 00:32:57.089 --> 00:33:02.369 heirloom, his family saber, or else be run through. 00:33:04.309 --> 00:33:09.240 "Don't worry," I've told the girls. "Kim will never 00:33:09.240 --> 00:33:14.940 unleash the bomb. Having it, and not using it, 00:33:15.079 --> 00:33:21.440 is the only thing that's keeping him alive." Meanwhile, 00:33:21.740 --> 00:33:25.599 in Europe, where arsenals are meant to make the 00:33:25.599 --> 00:33:29.240 surface of the earth into a cinder block, my 00:33:29.240 --> 00:33:34.119 diaphragm spasms as I issue my tired refrain. 00:33:36.140 --> 00:33:41.059 "Putin won't empty his silos in anger. Even if 00:33:41.059 --> 00:33:46.279 he is dying, even if he is insane, it's going 00:33:46.279 --> 00:33:51.940 to be alright." I mean to put the girls at ease, 00:33:52.160 --> 00:33:56.420 even as fragments of my reason ping dissonantly 00:33:56.420 --> 00:34:01.819 at the sound of my naivete. We had worked through 00:34:01.819 --> 00:34:05.130 other flashcards before, determining what is 00:34:05.130 --> 00:34:09.550 Possible, what is Probable, what is Plausible. 00:34:11.309 --> 00:34:16.190 What I am arguing is Probable. But the girls 00:34:16.190 --> 00:34:19.449 are too sharp to let me off the hook I've brandished 00:34:19.449 --> 00:34:25.570 at them. "Teacher, isn't it plausible they'll 00:34:25.570 --> 00:34:30.670 launch the bombs?" I can't help but be proud of them. 00:34:30.670 --> 00:34:40.230 I've trained them well. "Yes," I sigh. "It's plausible." 00:34:40.230 --> 00:34:45.090 Should I have said otherwise?