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You're listening to I Have No Process.

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I am your host, Nicholas England.

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This is the third episode of 71.

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When I was a boy, I didn't care about sports.

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I watched the Olympics out of genuine interest.

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But for the most part, I reckoned that the sporting industrial complex was both self-serious and

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insignificant.

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In team sports, especially.

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If this side or that side won, what did it matter to those who weren't playing?

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From someone watching from the stands or at home, what was there to learn about life?

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I didn't understand.

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I wasn't naturally gifted in athletics.

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In elementary school, I was a notorious defender on the soccer field.

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Anytime I'd go for the ball, I'd miss and take out somebody's shins instead.

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My hand-eye coordination has always been subpar.

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My arm strength weak.

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The one schoolyard game I excelled at was dodgeball, and only because I was fearless

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throwing my body around the pavement.

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I liked to swim.

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I liked to boogie board.

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I liked to hike.

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I loved digging trenches, building forts.

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I loved playing outside, in the canyons, in the streets.

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But my father and I never played catch.

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I never looked at my youthful body and thought, "I should wield this in competition against

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my betters."

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From the outside looking in, I thought sports were sort of boring.

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My first suicide attempt took place in September of 2007.

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I was 18 years old, just starting my second year of college.

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Once I recovered, I dropped out of school and took some time to re-examine my life.

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I realized, among other things, that I had to stop overthinking so much.

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I needed to relax, to take the drastic character out of my concerns.

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So one of my solutions for salutary change was to start watching sports.

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Because according to my naive logic, sports were a mindless, meaningless enterprise.

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Sound and fury, maybe, but not a lot of substance.

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I had a good friend who was watching football with his roommates down at UCSD every Sunday.

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I asked if I could join them on a regular basis.

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Put my feet up for 10 hours.

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Enjoy the company of some intelligent, fun-loving guys.

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Put my brain in neutral for a day.

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Take it easy.

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By the end of that regular season, I'd memorized the touchdown-to-interception ratio for every

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starting quarterback in the league.

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I'd rented every NFL films documentary covering seasons going back to 1966.

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I understood the nickels and dimes, the A-gaps and wide nines, the bubble screen and the

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QB spy.

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Within three months, I was a bona fide expert who comprehended the touchstones and shorthands

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of football's great mythology.

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The immaculate reception, 47 wide right, the drive, the catch.

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I might as well have been there for all of them.

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I suddenly had opinions about who the greatest players of all time were.

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Men I'd never actually seen with my own two eyes.

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People like Otto Graham, Barry Sanders, Deacon Jones.

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This was all academic, notions shrouded in the archival.

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None of it could compare to the season that was unfolding before me.

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In 2007, my birthtown Patriots went undefeated in the regular season with a then-record

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50 passing touchdowns from Tom Brady.

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Many pundits considered this the greatest team in the history of the sport.

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Meanwhile, my hometown Chargers ended their campaign in style.

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They disappointed in the first month, evened out a bit in the second, then went on to win

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their last six games to take the AFC West.

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The team was full of talent and personality.

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They played in the greatest football game I would ever see.

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One where Darren Sproles had two return touchdowns, they picked off Peyton Manning six times and

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still barely won.

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Classic Chargers.

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I was nine weeks into watching football.

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Classic Chargers, I'd think.

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The Patriots and Chargers ended up meeting in the AFC Championship game.

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That whole week leading up to the contest, I thought, I have to root against the Chargers

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just this once.

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The Patriots had a perfect season on the line.

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It hadn't been done since the 72 Dolphins.

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It'd never been done in a 16-game season.

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To root for them was to root for history, greatness, things impersonal, things beyond.

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So I rationalized anyway.

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That cold January morning, just before kickoff, I knew none of that crap mattered.

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I had to root for the Chargers.

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They were my team.

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Those were my guys.

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They had a chance at the Super Bowl?

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This kind of opportunity doesn't come around every year, much less every decade.

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You think your arrow is pointing up, but the stepping stone is as high as you ever reach.

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This was their best chance to win it all.

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No banking on tomorrow.

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No such thing as destiny.

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This was it.

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I was fanatic.

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This was it.

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It was a brutal game.

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The Patriots pulled off goal line stand after goal line stand, the most insulting of which

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was when Junior Seau, the former San Diego legend, tackled Michael Turner just short

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of the end zone.

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After three tense and grueling hours, the undefeated Patriots were going to the Super

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Bowl.

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Classic Chargers.

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I was disappointed, but not without solace.

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At least that perfect season would come true after all.

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I drove up to the Bay Area to stay with my brother those couple weeks before the Super

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Bowl.

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He was a Patriots fan, as he was much older than me when we moved to San Diego, and therefore

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more connected and loyal to the teams he'd grown up with.

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We talked at length about the Patriot way.

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Do your job.

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What we could each take away from their virtuous example.

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How ennobling and empowering it was to watch them play.

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There were life lessons to sports after all.

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There was philosophy, history, tradition, discipline, tenacity, everything.

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Twenty-two men on the field, each one of them matters every second that goes by.

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I was in love with the set pieces, the drama, the triumph, the tragedy.

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My brother and I didn't talk as ecstatically after the Patriots lost the Super Bowl.

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It wasn't that the result didn't make sense to us.

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It was that everything we'd told ourselves was bullshit.

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Every way we'd puffed ourselves up.

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Grass in the breeze.

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Little did I know, that's the nature of watching and caring about sports.

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I exclusively watched football until 2010.

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The Padres were a lovable bunch of losers, so my interest in them took a while to burgeon.

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The Chargers continued their titillating run of mediocre excellence.

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They started slow again in 2008 and came on strong again.

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In the divisional round, facing the eventual champion Steelers, they held the ball for

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seventeen seconds in the third quarter, and that was the end of that.

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In 2009, the Chargers started off slow yet again, but when they picked it up, they looked

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truly dominant.

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There was a game against the Cowboys where they executed a long drive in the fourth quarter

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to put the game away, just like Mendenhall and the Steelers had done against them the

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year before.

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I thought, this is it.

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They've matured.

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They've finally figured it out.

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This is winning football.

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Then Nate Kading missed three field goals against Mark Sanchez and the Jets, and that

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season was over.

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2010 was the most Chargers season ever.

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They had the number one offense in the league and the number one defense, and they missed

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the playoffs because their special teams were just that special.

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Amid growing concerns with concussions, domestic violence, and the rigid conservatism of the

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owners and their puppet, Goodell, I gradually lost interest in football.

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When the Chargers left town years later, I said, good riddance.

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I was happy to devote myself entirely to the Padres, because they weren't meant to win,

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so there was nothing to worry about.

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This was the dream.

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Root for a crap team, never have expectations, never suffer.

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I finally found what I'd been craving since I first got into sports.

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With the Padres, I could take it easy.

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Through most of the 2010s, the Padres tended to have fairly good pitching and absolutely

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zero run support.

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In 2011, Ryan Ludwig led the team with 11 home runs.

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In 2014, it was Yasmine Grandal with 15.

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From 2011 to 2018, we won between 68 and 77 games each year.

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We gave up on prospects who turned into superstars, like when we traded Trea Turner for Wil Myers.

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We signed accomplished players who were past their prime and ready to underachieve.

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The Orlando Hudsons and Jorge Cantus of the world.

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If we had a talented player, like Adrian Gonzalez or Chase Headley, we had to trade them for

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draft capital because we weren't going anywhere with them.

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When great players signed with us, they performed as though they had dementia.

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We're still thinking of you, Eric Hosmer.

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And when we ditched a mediocre veteran, they suddenly remembered their skills as soon as

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they moved on.

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Edinson Volquez's World Series with the Royals is a testament to that.

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The people of San Diego knew the score.

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The Padres weren't just afterthoughts.

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They were cursed.

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There was no way to construct them or manage them into something formidable.

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They were supposed to let you down.

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It was all part of the plan.

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It was baked into the experience.

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And it came with the ironic benefit that you were never let down.

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Everything changed when they brought up Tatis.

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When Fernando Tatis Jr. made his big league debut, he was sensational.

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He had blazing speed, unbelievable power, and show-stopping defensive chops.

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Within three years, the Padres handed him the equivalent of a lifetime contract.

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Before we knew it, a player on the Padres was the face of baseball's bright future.

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And he wasn't alone.

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The Padres signed Yu Darvish, one of the most creative aces of his generation.

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They signed Manny Machado, arguably the best third baseman in the league.

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They traded for Joe Musgrove, the local kid from El Cajon, who went on to pitch the first

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no-hitter in Padres' history.

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There was no going back.

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The Padres were for real, a pleasant mix of homegrown talent and expert veteran mercenaries.

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And they were trending up.

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They were building toward being that ultimate kind of special.

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A championship crew in San Diego.

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A city that hadn't won a title in any major sport since the mergers.

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Then Tatis got injured, riding on his motorcycle in the off-season.

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Our guy was a super-duper star at 22 years old.

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He was living large.

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His behavior might have been reckless, but who were we in our armchairs at home to complain?

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Then Tatis got caught using steroids during his recovery.

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He'd miss a full season, recovering from injury and ignominy.

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Wouldn't you know, the Padres didn't miss a beat without him.

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All the rest of those amazing guys the team had amassed during Tatis' ascendancy, they

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were putting in the work.

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At the end of the '22 season, the wild-card Padres went on to stun Buck Showalter's 100-win

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Mets.

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And then the Padres did something truly unthinkable.

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They defeated their biggest rival in the playoffs.

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The Los Angeles Dodgers.

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The Padres' nemesis, their bully of an older brother, who'd owned the division for a decade,

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who couldn't even call us a rival in return, because we didn't mean that much to them.

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The Padres were 22 games behind the Dodgers at the end of the season.

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Then they went into LA and absolutely smacked the crap out of them.

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Without Tatis, without fear, they won.

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That was our World Series.

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In a way, it meant as much as any World Series could.

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Because sometimes, it's about who you beat, and beating LA was the sweetest thing we could

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taste.

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We lost to a tough Philadelphia team in the next round.

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No hard feelings there.

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As we approached the spring of '23, we knew we had it made.

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We'd eclipsed the Dodgers.

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We had Tatis coming back.

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Talent and depth at nearly every position.

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An experienced manager at the helm.

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The precipice to greatness had arrived.

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The hopes of thousands were riding on their quality.

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It was make it or break it time in San Diego.

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God how they broke it.

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Game 16.

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Brewers 3.

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Padres 10, April 15, 2023.

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Douglas Adams, Jackie Robinson, and the Buddha have not spoken.

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Neither among one another, nor with Nelson Cruz, now the age of 42.

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There is a popular saying when one yearns for touch.

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"We are all so and so."

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But you know you are not Jackie Robinson the moment you wear his number.

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Game 17.

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Brewers 1.

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Padres 0, April 16, 2023.

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My brother occupies the recliner beside me as Hader commands the mound.

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Max's head tilts with the weight of his vagrant wonder.

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"Does a pitcher grow their hair out for the same reason a Japanese warrior puts a feather

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"at the tip of their spear?

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"To distract their opponent?"

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The contest ends with the bases loaded.

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The count full.

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Grisham, patient for once, strikes out looking.

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Looking for the right swing.

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There will be more games, other opportunities, but he will never find that swing again.

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Game 18.

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Braves 2.

242
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:31,320
Padres 0, April 17, 2023.

243
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:37,160
In two innings, the Padres strand four more runners.

244
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:41,640
At this, they are the worst in the league.

245
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:49,240
Now every man petrified out there on the base paths is a twist of the knife lodged

246
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,560
within my throat.

247
00:22:52,560 --> 00:23:03,600
I would rather hold my mother's hand while it's still warm.

248
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,480
Game 19.

249
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:12,840
Braves 8, Padres 1, April 18, 2023.

250
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,640
Two men on for the Padres.

251
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,520
Two outs, two balls for Kim.

252
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:28,360
Strider leaves a breaking ball up in the zone, yet Kim just watches it go by.

253
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:31,680
This was the chance to break the slump.

254
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,440
To turn the tide.

255
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,880
It is foolish of me to remark upon this.

256
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:48,520
For what that never happened mattered?

257
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,360
Game 20.

258
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:58,000
Braves 0, Padres 1, April 19, 2023.

259
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:04,400
Were I to wield the shillelagh, I would want my walk-up music to relax the tension clutched

260
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,640
within the pitcher's stomach.

261
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:12,820
Should his center dissolve, so too might the strike zone.

262
00:24:12,820 --> 00:24:14,820
My selection.

263
00:24:14,820 --> 00:24:25,080
Cong Su's "Lunch."

264
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:26,920
Game 21.

265
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:34,360
Padres 7, Diamondbacks 5, April 20, 2023.

266
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:37,920
"Three quarters of the globe are covered by water.

267
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:43,160
"The other quarter is covered by that guy, Trent Grisham."

268
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,840
"The second base umpire is all over it.

269
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,280
"He's jacked too.

270
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,320
"He works out."

271
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:53,080
"And slap some cheese on that thing while you're at it."

272
00:24:53,080 --> 00:25:02,560
Were any of these not said by Mark Grant?

273
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,680
Game 22.

274
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:13,000
Padres 0, Diamondbacks 9, April 21, 2023.

275
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:18,000
Do we have a choice but to turn the other cheek?

276
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:22,920
Tatis' cosmic talent sears my retinas.

277
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,360
A threat to collide with his teammates.

278
00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:31,760
He misses the smart play, attempting the otherworldly.

279
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:36,300
As though he alone should be enough.

280
00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:40,360
His return has brought me no relief.

281
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,680
Fear eats my heart.

282
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:49,440
The fear old men feel when they stare at their purblind young.

283
00:25:49,440 --> 00:26:07,480
When a star implodes, how long does it take to crush everything around it?