Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome.
Are we losing touch with what truly matters in the digital age?
Well, in today's talk, discover how excessive screen time
is impacting our real life connections and personal growth.
Join me as we explore practical strategies to reconnect with our
communities and ourselves. Learn about the 4M's,
the 7Cs, and the powerful process of acknowledge,
assess, address, and accept. Are you ready to
radically reclaim your power and build meaningful connections?
Well, welcome to a special edition of Tech Talk, the twice monthly Tuesday
deep dive into all things technology, thought leadership,
and more. I am your host, Vonda Page, the founder and chief of Radical Change
and the leadership learning collective, the LLC.
And I want to welcome you to Tech Talk.
In today's edition, we are going to talk about
reclaiming connection in the digital age. I heard a startling statistic.
And I don't know if it was startling because it just seems amazing to me, but
I heard a startling statistic and I'm going to share it with you. I heard a
statistic that 93% of an 18 year old's free time
will be spent on screens. 93% of their free time will be spent on
screens. Not on working out, not on going to the
movies, not on having intimate relations with
themselves or other people, not on drinking, not on going to strip clubs, bars,
restaurants, but on screens. That really blew me away.
It blew me away. So I want to talk about the impact of technology on real life
connections and personal growth. And what we're going to talk about very
specifically is three things. The first thing we're going to talk about is the
importance of reconnecting with real life community.
We're going to also talk about the importance of connecting with ourselves
because without connecting with ourselves we cannot connect to
our real life community. And thirdly, we are going to talk about
the process that is necessary for us to connect with ourselves in a way that
is authentic, in a way that is curious, in a way that is empathetic,
and in a way that is going to drive us towards
meaningful results. And at the end, I want us to really recognize
that personal growth, personal development is an ongoing process
and it's something that we should be leading because change is going to
happen. And I like to say to people all the time
that we can lead change rather than having change
drag us around by the neck. And when I say we can lead change, I mean we can be
in charge of the changes that are going to happen in our life
in terms of how we want things to be different. If we want to have a different
relationship, then we can have a different relationship.
If we want to have a different body, we can have a different body. If we want to
have a different mindset, we can have a different mindset. I'm
going to be difficult. I'm not saying it's not going to be challenging. I'm not
going to say it's not going to take you to develop and create new habits
and new support systems and change. However, right, it's possible and the
only reason I can say that is because of the things that I've learned, I would
say over the last 50 years of my life. And so one of the things I want to do is
empower your greatness. One of the things I want to do is empower
your innovation. One of the things I want to do is empower
your ability to grow and evolve and transform into the person that you
imagine yourself to be or the person that you want to be if you have
an opportunity to imagine that. So let's get started, right?
The fact that 93% of an 18 year old's free time will be spent on screens
was literally out of the box to me because I thought
the young people was out cooking and partying. Like I didn't know they were
just literally looking at their screens. However, my last couple of
international trips I took, I was very surprised to see so many people
looking at their phones while they were walking. Like and I thought
was it just because they're so familiar with where they are and I'm in a foreign
country and I'm not looking at my phone except for
if I'm listening for the directions. But for all my directions,
I made sure that they were only like okay one street over and then I'm looking
for just name the street and then I'm looking for like I made sure I knew where
I was going so I would have to look at my phone. And I found it very interesting
and very curious about how many people were really focused on the screen.
And so when you think about right the way that that has an impact on us,
I mean the first thing right it really erodes the way we
interact with people because we tend to think that what we see on the internet
is real life. We tend to think that what we see on the
internet is real life and it's not, it's not, not even a little bit.
And we have been fooled, we have been bamboozled.
I saw a fan on YouTube and the young woman said she's in
Los Angeles and she said most of the influencers, she said I'm not her name
name, but most of the influencers you see they do not live in those houses.
They rent those houses for $100 an hour or $90 an hour.
They rent those places and they stage it. They rent those clothes, you know, $300
a month for bags and shoes and purses and whatever.
And they just do that to, you know, for the brand deals.
And you know I thought to myself well yeah of course doesn't everybody know that
and then I thought no everybody doesn't know that because
we have literally fallen asleep and we have loud
the internet and we have allowed social media and the advertisers and the news
and cable and politics and everybody else to distract us
such that there is a digital disconnect. And when it comes to
connecting with people in our real lives we don't understand that the people on
the internet, the people on the screen is not the people in the real life.
This lady right, this person who modeled for this picture and I hope she got paid
for it because I really like it. It says everything like that look on her face
like yes I got this right and and and for me this image says
making steps forward and and upward it says making connections
and it says feeling good about the radical change that
you know that you're undergoing. And at the end of it right
the way to get to that is to connect with real life and when I think about like
the way I was trying to focus my business when I first started
when COVID had had really just hit I had a really hard time because what I
recognize now is that although I thought those people were part of my
community they weren't part of my community. And so I'm not spelling those
words any different ways but the people who I was relying on to hear my
message and get what I was saying were not really part of my community. My
community is the actual people that I see when I when I go outside.
My community is the actual people who you know I waved to at the mailbox.
My community is the people I go to my local um you know spot from you know
this cuisine they know me because I come in there when
you know once a month right like once a month I get Indian food once a month I
get Thai food once a month I get Burmese food once
a month I get Iraqi food once a month I get um
Nepalese food right once a month I get um that's pretty much it for me I may get
um Korean food once a month or um oh Mexican food I definitely get Mexican
food once a month right so that's like four times a month maybe six times a
month I eat out the rest of the time I'm cooking the rest of the time I'm
cooking and so I cook I get I cook and I'm a vegan so I cook fresh produce so I
go to the farmers market three times a week I go to one farmers market on
Wednesday I go to another one on Friday and then I go to another one on either
Saturday or Sunday or Thursday right and I do that because I want
fresh produce and I want to support my local community so my local community
are the people that I connected to in real life and my local community
are the ones that I'm now able to develop programs for
because I have a survey out right I have a community assessment survey that is
available at radical change LLC dot my dot canva dot site radical change dot
LLC dot my dot canva dot site is where you can take the community survey if you
live in and so that you included in a type of training that you want for
yourself and your your local community the type of training that you believe is
going to um you know bring about uh you know whatever whatever you want to see
in your life and and what I want to really make sure that people have a good
understanding of is not only what are the local resources but what does everybody
else want what is everybody else thinking like and what are the people
want to learn right um I live in a rural area maybe people want to learn more
about how to use technology um you know in their businesses in their farm
you know in their lives right in a more efficient manner so that they can save
money well that's something I'm really good at right I spent the last four
years streamlining my business down to um you know three apps and if I was
starting all over from scratch right now if I was going to tell somebody how to
um run a small business literally I would have them have have like five things
would be all they would need and um I would be able to help them ramp up very
very quickly and once I um finish doing a few more things I'm excited to even do
one-on-one small business coaching um in addition to the technology efficiency
and technology optimization consultant work so um you know radical change
leadership is all about providing not only the education but the support
um so that we can really advance right in
everybody to want to depend but at the end of the day right if we are
consistently on screens we're not going to be able to have these real world
interactions right um we already talked about in a
couple of um sessions previous we talked about the impact of
blue light um we talked about the impact of um the the impact of uh
attention um we talked about the impact of um
cognitive issues we talked about all of the impact to excessive screen time we
know what it is right and even now on our phones and laptops and
things we had these little things to remind us of screen time and blah blah
blah me personally I close my darn eyes I do a lot of things
so that I can preserve my eyes because I know I've been looking on the screen
since 1984 right and so and and we had tv before even before that but I've
been on the computer for 40 years so if I've been on a computer 40 years right
and I'm already wearing glasses um it would behoove me to focus on how much
um time I'm spending on the screen so I try not to do too much reading on the
screen if I have to read something I try to print it out
um but I do use a computer to do graphics like most people do
um I use a computer to read email like I'm not going to print out my emails and
read them because 99.99% of it is um promotional junk mail right
um and and and bills confirming that this bill got paid or this bill is due
so it's like you know um it's not it's not worth it but
but we have come accustomed to it and so it's important to um take those
impacts into consideration and and and then it's a perfect opportunity right
to utilize it for real life connection right so we can take you know that
opportunity to say okay well we want to disconnect from digital um a little bit
more right and we can take that opportunity to
um build skills um in the community and that's what the face-to-face
interactions are going to all be about right so when it comes to
the leadership learning collective it is going to be
not only um my global um virtual community but it's going to also be the
local local community and before I was trying to kick it off
with people who I thought were going to be supportive of me and of my business
um because we were you know in a similar you know tax bracket yada yada
and at the end of the day those people didn't even want to barely speak to me
those people didn't want to give me the time of day and they definitely weren't
trying to help support my business at all they weren't they
they weren't trying to do it and and I recognize too that
you know a lot of people have such a lack of self-awareness that
they don't really believe that they can benefit from training they don't believe
they can benefit from knowledge they don't believe that they can benefit
from some learning something new and at the end of the day those are never my
people my people are people who want to learn so that they can be a better
version of themselves whether it's you know for the
generations to come whether it's you know for themselves or or just because
they want to break you know the generational curses or to mess up
you know crap from their family right for whatever reason
um they they want to be better human beings and so
the way to do that is through real-life connections so
one of the things that we're going to be doing is these face-to-face sessions
that are also virtual so sort of like I'm doing the tech talk now
um there I will be um at either you know a local business local library or
other organization um and delivering the talk
there will be people there in person plus those of you who will be dialed in
and um because I'm opening up the community to
my apple pie subscribers um they will be able to
uh join in and then ask questions and it will be
a little more dynamic of a live Q&A um in addition to uh more of a lecture like
the way we're doing it today however um these lectures are are going to be a
definite part of the curriculum um that will also be converted and
utilized in the radical change leadership podcast
because this is what it's all about it's really about
giving people the tactics the techniques and the tools
along with the time right and the time means investing that time
and repeating the same things over and over so that people get it right
as I did my study on narcissistic abuse and
narcissistic personality disorder and narcissism and and narcissistic
recovery and all of the things I spent hours right not only reading but then
journaling and applying it to my life and I do that with everything and I want
to hope that you take that on too when it comes to
radical change leadership and all of the things that you're going to get
out of the podcast all the things you're going to get out of the
forums like today and all the things that you're going to get
out of the three day or multi-day events which is the symposiums
which we're going to do once a month and those are going to be at the end
either the fourth or fifth week um of every month
and the first two weeks of the month are going to be
uh Tech Tuesday workplace wise and ThoughtWorks which is a Thursday
Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday sessions all right so opportunity for real life
connections right that's about community building having that face-to-face
interaction so I go to the farmers market when I go to the different farmers
market not only am I talking about wow the fruits and vegetables look great but
I'm chit chatting about the things that are happening in the community like when
I found out that 30.2% of all of Oregonians are food insecure
I was shocked by that number because we live with all this fresh food
and then come to find out the food banks are throwing away the food
food banks are even throwing away the food so not only are they firing
restaurant workers and supermarket workers
for taking food home that's garbage but the food banks have so much food that
they throw food away but yet right people who need food um don't have it
and although you know um there is some different programs and
different opportunities and different things we still have that problem
and a way that you know to talk about it is talking about it face-to-face
you could be talking about it with somebody on the internet you don't even
know if they live in the state you live in and your damn sure don't know if they
live in your zip code but if you see somebody at the farmers market and
they're there every week and they got a little name bad on and they're like one
of the coordinators at a farmers market that's somebody that's in your
community right and they're right there and that's a person that you can get to
know in a face-to-face interaction and that supports building local networks
right and then that other part of the real-life connection
opportunity is using technology to enhance real-life connections so what
does that look like right so I have an app and that app is called Radical Change
or leaders learn radical change that's the app that I hold every meeting in I
don't do zoom meetings if somebody invites me to a meeting
literally unless it is the replay is going to be embedded like from a youtube
video or embedded in their website I'm not going to watch it because I'm not
going to download zoom to watch their stuff because zoom is unnecessary and
when I think about you know how zoom and everybody else
has taken advantage of the consumer and build us the shit that they didn't give
and deleted our data stole our data how do you think they got all this AI stuff
right now so I just don't mess with it so I use my own app and my app is what's
called unified communications as service a ucas and what that means is it takes
all of those features into one so not only video
video but audio only as well as whiteboarding as well as chat as well as
screen share as well as video share as well as link share as well as you know
you can download it and you can download clips of it you can make clips
and then you can do replies and responses right I can literally
go back in the video and add things to it and then
download it and send it back out so there's all these things that you can do
um super easy and super simple and the other great thing
is um you know you when you're doing stuff in real life a lot of times right
you want to have meetings or you have a really good talk and you're like damn I
really wish we could have wrote that down oh we should have held the zoom
guess what you have the app on your phone and one click you can have a meeting
at any time anywhere and record everything no matter what it is
let's say you and somebody decide y'all want to go into business together
but nobody has a pen and you trying to write it and notes and you like listen
this is what I'm saying all you had to do is
meeting and it would say start meeting or schedule meeting you would hit start
meeting and then you hit record and then your
meeting is recorded you can take notes inside of it you can call your partner
or buddy or friend or relative have them join you inside the
meeting from their phone and then you have that otherwise
y'all can both meet from the same phone and you know do front and back camera
like there's all these different options that keeps you inside of one app and
keeps you doing one thing when it comes to you know managing your
text messages and who to message back first everybody can message you in your
app you open the app you see you have four notifications okay well that's the
stuff that's most important because you've given everybody the link to your
app and everybody that's working with you everybody that knows you they know to
connect with you through the app unless you have the app on do not disturb
but then they know that means you're on vacation or you're you know in mid-flight
or you know you're in you know in clients right and with clients
so you have this opportunity to use technology to enhance these real life
connections but you can balance that right um because if you can utilize the
technology for your own creative needs to build up you know your own
clientele right to do your coaching business to do your consulting business
whatever you're going to do you can do that and that would be using technology
for your good instead of using it for the good of zoom or the good of google or
the good of somebody else all right um and and you know when you think about
working on projects and initiatives in real life I mean doing something in real
life and being able to do it without having to read somebody's
stinking handwriting later you know like going to the doctor and saying hey
can I record this because I was trying to explain it to my husband but he
doesn't speak really good English so then and recording it right and him and
the doctor should be like sure absolutely right because it's helping
is helping you out um helping them out too um so there's all these like
different uses for it right you you're in some you know you you end up getting
in a confrontation um you know because of whatever and you're like no somebody
try and make me think I'm crazy boom click start meeting click record and you
can record the whole thing and you can have it and you can play it back later
right I mean yeah you could do that in voice memo if you have an iPhone or you
know Android I'm sure has a similar feature but now you have everything in
one place you have everything where you can get it right
nobody else has to um have access to it because it's in a secure location so if
you are or when you are right ready to facilitate better conversations when
you're ready to you know really do brainstorming and innovation when you're
looking for tools to work together when you want you know support
hosting and participating in in-person virtual hybrid programs and the
coaching and consulting work um you know access to professional guidance
that's when you want to download the app and you want to message me you know
hey what's up or anything right usually once you um download the app depending
on what the time zone I'm going to know within um eight to 16 hours right like
literally unless I'm like I said in this flight somewhere and I have my phone
off or you know it's you know I'm on vacation or similar tonight um it may
take me eight to 16 hours however um you know you'll be able to connect um with
me and come to people um that are interested in these conversations and
doing this doing this work um at any time inside of very specific yet
private groups all right so we talked about um you know getting
reconnected with people in real life so now let's talk about connect getting
connected with ourselves because that's the part that
please other people help other people do shift for other people
at the end of the day we need to put our mask on ourselves first before we try
to put the mask on somebody else and it's hard it's very hard for women and I
think for black women it's like our kryptonite it's our kryptonite because
the world the entire world has colonized us into serving them
in some kind of way and now it's so natural to us we don't even realize
that we're doing it all the time every time emotionally physically
psychologically um you know physically sexually the whole way we are a
mammy we are a messenger we are a mule that's you know that was the beginning
of what got me kicked off tiktok because I had went from like
something like 18,022 or something like that and then I got to 25 and the
content was going good and people did not like that and it's like a hit dog
collars why are you that my content body just block it and move on well the whole
bunch you know going on with that but now that I
realize right how much colonization has impacted us how
much we um have harmed each other and treated each
other in such um narcissistic ways that we um we we are almost stuck in a
really terrible paradigm and those of us that are out um you know we don't have a
whole bunch of friends and you know I had decided a couple years ago that I
didn't want any new friends but then somehow some uh you know I got love
moms and I got married and you know the whole thing did what it did and I got
out in two years but it still happened but I also you know in my
person I have you know a history of narcissistic abuse in my
background so unfortunately it was you know on the path but now
because I have all of this self-awareness um I know that having
self-awareness is way more important um than building uh external connections
you have to know yourself love yourself and trust yourself and I do know myself
love myself and trust myself and I just did not um know because narcissistic
mirroring you um I didn't realize that you know that's one of the key tactics
that the narcissists in my life have used in my adult life is mirroring me is
love bombing me right um is future faking me right um is just plain old plain
old lying to me like because I have this thing called positive projection and
I'm always rejecting myself on other people and now that I have such a
greater level of self-awareness about that now I can I can you know um be
more reflective right more self-reflective because the thing is when it
comes to technology it impedes our ability to be self-reflective and personal
group have personal group because it's always pushing shit down our throat
it's always telling us what to do it's always you know saying this is what you
need you need more lashes you need this you need that so I was looking for
something to um darken up my eyebrows a little bit other than a pencil which I
can use at any point in time and I was thinking I might
could find some at home um what do they call this stuff oh forget they do it at
the salon but I was like oh I could probably find a little at home stuff
long story short I'm looking at something I'm like why is it white I come to look
and realize it's glue I'm like glue for your eyelashes for your eyebrows no it
was eyelash glue for fake eyelashes and I was like oh and I'm like okay this
they are really trying to tell us that we just don't have no kind of nothing
it's trying to make us change every little thing about us down to the eyelashes
now yeah I wanted to darken up my eyebrows but damn now it's making me it's
telling me I don't my eyelashes are too whatever and I just thought like this is
a lot right this is why we need to off the internet
the internet will have you thinking that you are
looking crazy and ugly and plain as day when at the end of the day
everybody on the internet is so made up in real life people don't look like that
and when you do go places and people look like that it looks not good
it looks terrible like when I was in Los Angeles I seen so many BBLs
I seen BBLs in Mexico I ain't seen no BBLs in Asia thank god but I seen BBLs in
Mexico actually I did see a white lady with a BBL
I did I seen a white lady with a BBL in Asia
um but I seen a whole bunch of different people with BBLs in Los Angeles I seen
a couple BBLs in LA I seen BBLs in North Carolina
and um I'm just like to me they don't look good in person but you know that's me
and maybe I don't know maybe you got to be a man to like I don't know whatever
it is but to me it doesn't look good but the level of self-awareness right
in somebody that feels like they need a BBL they don't like themselves that much
because to go under the knife and and I have a friend that died from
complications from um some type of procedure like that
and it's not worth it it's not worth it so self-awareness is really important
because you have to understand yourself otherwise you end up being in
relationships with people who are harmful and you may or may not know it
and you may have end up having a pattern of it and it won't be until you really
start doing the work of healing that you'll notice it and technology can
impede that also because with technology comes
you know people stalking you from technology comes people
learning about you figuring you out from technology comes people
um being able to mirror you and to um take on those qualities and characteristics
of somebody um that is somebody that you might like and be like oh yeah we got
so much time in and look look look that's happened to me over and over and over
check out my podcast um managing my own radical change it is on
Apple Spotify um and the other places go check it out because I talk about that
and I'm going to continue to talk about that because I did not understand
um that I had that pattern I know what narcissism was but I didn't think about
it from an individual standpoint I thought about it from a
um societal standpoint and once I started putting the two the two together
I was like damn and it made me evaluate a lot of
relations in my life especially one that I kind of thought was going to be like a
permanent relationship I ain't know it was going to have a two year end even
though I saw a lot of red flags the entire relationship and I had to ask
myself why did I let those red flags go
right and a lot of it has to do with the mirroring a lot of it had to do with the
future faking a lot of it had to do with the you know um you know
right
aspects that fit right into narcissistic personality disorder and every
time I go down to nine traits I keep on coming up with seven of them
eight of them and I'm like oh darn it that means it's really bad it wasn't me
and to have to keep on doing that over and over but what it boils down to is
connecting with yourself right so in order for me to like to really get that
together right and and and not um in in
in partly disconnecting from technology but the self-awareness piece getting
that part together and understanding the self and getting the
self concept increased is making sure that I'm focused on my
right um what am I about and then being mindful with it
what am I talking to myself and saying to myself what's my message
how am I feeling what is my mood and what am I doing from the standpoint of
actions and behaviors what does that look like so
that's the four m's then the other part is making sure that I understand that as
I want to make this um this shift right to connect
with myself there's some things that if I have them in place man it's going to
make all the difference right so the first two things can impede you when
you don't have them and the first is culture if you're not in a culture
where people are learning and growing and self evolutionary
and self-empowering it's going to be very difficult if you're not around or in a
coalition of people who are focused on self development it is going to have a
tendency to drag you down birds of a feather flock together right if
somebody is doing bad they want you to do bad that's saying misery loves
company ain't no joke if somebody is miserable get the hell away from them
because they're gonna try to make you miserable too
I have seen that over and over and over and especially when it's person that is
supposed to be helping you or something like that and that's one of those
ways you can tell um if a person is a narcissist so it's like they're never
happy about anything they never really smile they never
celebrate they never genuine and it's because they're empty inside but
again you can learn more about that in the other podcast so the first two
right sees our culture the the environment that you're in the atmosphere
and a coalition of the people around the next two is all about the abilities and
skills and things that you need um in order to uh do this connection to
yourself is you need capacity that means you need the time and the space um and
the resources right and you need the competence that means you need new
skills you need new habits you need new mindsets you need um new tools right so
that you can become confident and then the last three is all up to you it's 100
percent up to you the first part is conviction meaning you made up your
mind you decided this is what i'm gonna do this is how i'm a role the second part
is courage meaning you're not gonna let nothing stand in your way you're gonna
put consistency and persistency um persistence and right
next piece is the commitment meaning that no matter what you're not gonna give up
you're gonna keep on going right you're you because you decided you are
determined and i have where i talk about determination um being really important
and and determination is important in terms of how you're going to show up and
how you're going to be who you want to be so i talk about like leadership and
leaders having a mandate and when it comes to the mandate i say that the
mandate is all about the three ways that leaders need to be and leaders need to
be authentic that's number one um number two they need to be curious and
number three they need to be empathetic right and i say that that all of this
needs to happen in an optimistic way right you can't be like you know mushy or
warm about it right authenticity is like hey i'm gonna show up as
i don't give up right curious is i'm gonna ask questions to myself about myself
about my past about my present about my dreams about my desires
because i know what at the root of all change is what desire
so nothing could be different i'm not going to be able to change my
relationship with my with technology if i don't have full grass on
um my relationship with myself and if i'm unable to be authentic or curious
because i'm in a bad relationship at work a bad relationship at home a bad
relationship with my community members a bad relationship with my neighbor
my whatever whatever then i'm going to have to do some work
on that and the next part is about you know how how do i do that well i do that
um because healing is a priority healing is our very first job like and we all
have shit to heal from and if you don't have anything to heal from like i had a
client
nothing to heal from her great and she was she like she never had any abuse in
her house she didn't know anybody that was abused she didn't mean anybody that
ever was abused so a friend she met in her 30s like she had just like perfect
life now looking back i think she's lying and i think that she just didn't
want to face the per you know that now i maybe she thought it was
perfect and maybe she just missed the stuff that was
imperfect maybe she blocked it out but i don't know i just never really heard
nobody say they had a perfect life before but hey if she did i hope she did
because she's that let me know that self-awareness um is also a thing um but
she also wasn't ready to really take that to the next level and that's fine you
know i work with people that are only ready to go a certain distance and i'm
fine with that and and that's one of the reasons that the model you know of uh
you know supporting people's journey regardless of their ability to pay um
you know that's that's that's what it is right that's what it is because at the
end of the day i know people need what i got at the end of the day i know people
need critical thought leadership intersection with um you know technology
optimization but more than anything um what does that look like in the in the
context of healing i think it's a growth it has to be where you start um if you
want any kind of success
and it's right it's time and it's tools the tactics it's a strategy you can use
some different things right um you can say okay well i want to work on my
early childhood memories and child abuse i'm gonna work on that for six months
okay how am i going to work on that um techniques well i'm gonna do some things
grounding i'm gonna do deep breathing i'm gonna do a little exposure therapy for
myself um and i'm going to join a group cohort and maybe i'm gonna do a little
one-on-one coaching okay um but i'm definitely going to journal every day
and incorporate music all right fine what's next what's next is um time all
right well i'm going to work on it over the next six months i'm going to
devote an hour a day to my own healing like no matter what when i get up in a
morning i'm gonna spend that whole first hour healing from you know brushing my
teeth to my shower to my body care to putting on my clean
clothes to take care of my what i'm gonna spend that whole first hour just healing
whatever that means i mean i have to sit down and cry that i mean i have to sit
in on the on the couch and lay down taking that but i'm gonna spend that
hour so whatever that time is right and then tools what do i need do i need to
download that journal do i just need my little um notes application on my phone
oh damn i could just use the leaders learn radical change app because then i can
do video journal audio journal i can draw i can sketch i can um paste in links i
can sing i can put in you know um uh what's the word i can put in graphics right
i can put in pictures i can do whiteboarding i can do all of these
things right so i have the tools available to me right um and then you know
it's all um it's all about you know embracing this whole journey right
because when you're healing there's some steps that you need to go through right
the first piece is really like okay acknowledging what went down okay well um my
past was filled with a lot of abuse a lot of narks or i worked at a lot of
companies that really took advantage of me or you know i lived in a lot of abject
poverty and it was really tough and depressing or you know my parents died
when i was really young or my dad left in my mom you know struggled my whole life
or whatever whatever right it's just acknowledging the past right the
second part is just assessing um like what does this mean right and what's the
gap between um your life and what you believe it is and what you want it to
be right it's it's it's what you believe it to be the next part is addressing the
the right it's addressing the wounds and they're really saying all right well i'ma address this um i
said i'ma have a strategy and that's what the addressing it is and so i'm going to do
somatic exercises i'm going to do deep breathing i'm gonna do grounding i'm gonna do
exposure therapy but i'm going to cry when i need to cry i'm gonna say hey look i need
time i'm gonna do what i need to do but i'm going to get in these wounds and i'm
gonna touch them and i'm gonna deal with them right and then finally um is and
seeking support to do so right um a coach that's going to help you with recovery
therapy um i have um mentor and coached hundreds of people um over the last 40
years um i would say the first part of my career it was uh probably 40 60 men 40
percent men 60 percent women i would say now it's um 85 percent women 15 percent
men um and i would really love to work with men more um because men have such an
opportunity to really shape the future of their own families the communities in the
world um if they just start forgiving themselves of everything that they believe
that they did wrong as well as the things that they know they did wrong right um and
and that part is is a real healing piece um but but the last piece is really about radical
acceptance right so you know acknowledging what happened assessing you know what it is
versus what you wanted to be um addressing the pain addressing the wounds you know
addressing the plans to move forward but then finally accepting right accepting radical
acceptance of things happened i couldn't control them it is what it is but now i'm
going to embrace the journey moving forward understanding that personal growth is just
ongoing um process right and and putting together a plan to make it happen for yourself
like you know it's um september now and i shared with you know people that before the
end of the year i'm going to lose this final 20 pounds and i'm going to be at the weight that
you know i feel the most comfortable the weight that makes me um you know feel the most healthy
and um i'm embracing the journey to get there i had the the two yesterday and today
today so what i need to do is perfect one two more recipes well one two three recipes i need to
well four four more recipes that i need to perfect and um i cannot imagine ever going to a vegan
restaurant ever again i can't if i can perfect these next four pieces there's so many things i
know how to make now if i can do these next four it's game on i'm never going to another vegan
now that doesn't mean that i won't go out and order my food vegan because i go to my indian
i get the vegan um valley dinner right i go to the mexican spot i get the vegan dinner
however um once i get these other things under my belt then there will never be a need to do um
um what like those um american vegan spots again um so that is me embracing um this future of
you know being able to cook more raw food and being able to perfect more recipes and enjoy my
own food more so that i don't have to go out because i love cooking my own food it makes me feel
healthy it makes me feel um clean it makes me feel like yeah i definitely know i'm gonna live another
55 years and it's amazing amazing feeling so it's also about that positive outlook right like like of
every change that you want to do right but in order to get there right it's all about um doing
that acknowledgement assessing you know where you where you are and where you want to go addressing
the wounds and then you know doing a real acceptance radical acceptance that you can't go back and you
can't change time you cannot change time so when it comes to you know the way that we um
determine right that we are going to um connect with technology we get to choose how we're going
to do it and what i'm going to say is that because um you know we know that 93 percent of an 18 year
old's free time is going to be spent on screens that is our key to take that knowledge right and run
with it and do a few things number one to reconnect with real life community recollect with real life
community go to your local um dairy farm and get fresh eggs go to your local farmers market and meet
your neighbors period when you go pick up your mail say hey when you go to get to groceries
say hello meet your neighbors right connect with your community real life number two connect with
yourselves right really get into do you know love and trust yourself really get into self-awareness
and really look at how technology has touched your life or or or mess with you right look at those
four m's how is your mindfulness coming with the technology what's your feelings the mood how are you
moving about and you know your activities and behaviors and your message what is yourself talk
when it comes to connecting with yourself right are you in a place where you're going to able to see
results right are you around a in a culture and around a bunch of people a coalition that's going
to support what you're trying to do do you have the capacity the resources in the time do you have
the skills right do you have the actual skills the competence right um to to make it happen and then
are you firmly convicted with courage and committed to do it right um are you able to show up as a
leader with the authenticity curiosity and empathetic nature and empathetic behaviors and mindset
and self-talk are you able to show up like that and can you do that in an optimistic way always
knowing that the glass is half full and i'ma make it right um and and finally right um do you know
that healing is job one healing is your top priority and if your personal healing empowerment and
growth is not the thing that you focused on with the right tactics the right techniques the amount
of time you need and the tools you go and struggle but the steps for healing involve you know
acknowledging right the impact and what happened assessing the current state where you want to go
right um addressing addressing right the wounds addressing the pain and then doing the radical
acceptance so that you can really move forward and have their positive outlook listen thank you
so so much for joining because you get the opportunity right to um stay in touch with
what matters and i think what matters is our self sense of self i think what matters is the love
and the relationships and the success that we have in life and i think that we get to decide
all of those things hey thank you so much for joining me for this edition of tech talk and
i'll see you soon