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Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome.

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Are we losing touch with what truly matters in the digital age?

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Well, in today's talk, discover how excessive screen time

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is impacting our real life connections and personal growth.

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Join me as we explore practical strategies to reconnect with our

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communities and ourselves. Learn about the 4M's,

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the 7Cs, and the powerful process of acknowledge,

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assess, address, and accept. Are you ready to

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radically reclaim your power and build meaningful connections?

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Well, welcome to a special edition of Tech Talk, the twice monthly Tuesday

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deep dive into all things technology, thought leadership,

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and more. I am your host, Vonda Page, the founder and chief of Radical Change

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and the leadership learning collective, the LLC.

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And I want to welcome you to Tech Talk.

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In today's edition, we are going to talk about

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reclaiming connection in the digital age. I heard a startling statistic.

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And I don't know if it was startling because it just seems amazing to me, but

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I heard a startling statistic and I'm going to share it with you. I heard a

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statistic that 93% of an 18 year old's free time

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will be spent on screens. 93% of their free time will be spent on

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screens. Not on working out, not on going to the

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movies, not on having intimate relations with

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themselves or other people, not on drinking, not on going to strip clubs, bars,

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restaurants, but on screens. That really blew me away.

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It blew me away. So I want to talk about the impact of technology on real life

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connections and personal growth. And what we're going to talk about very

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specifically is three things. The first thing we're going to talk about is the

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importance of reconnecting with real life community.

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We're going to also talk about the importance of connecting with ourselves

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because without connecting with ourselves we cannot connect to

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our real life community. And thirdly, we are going to talk about

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the process that is necessary for us to connect with ourselves in a way that

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is authentic, in a way that is curious, in a way that is empathetic,

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and in a way that is going to drive us towards

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meaningful results. And at the end, I want us to really recognize

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that personal growth, personal development is an ongoing process

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and it's something that we should be leading because change is going to

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happen. And I like to say to people all the time

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that we can lead change rather than having change

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drag us around by the neck. And when I say we can lead change, I mean we can be

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in charge of the changes that are going to happen in our life

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in terms of how we want things to be different. If we want to have a different

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relationship, then we can have a different relationship.

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If we want to have a different body, we can have a different body. If we want to

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have a different mindset, we can have a different mindset. I'm

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going to be difficult. I'm not saying it's not going to be challenging. I'm not

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going to say it's not going to take you to develop and create new habits

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and new support systems and change. However, right, it's possible and the

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only reason I can say that is because of the things that I've learned, I would

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say over the last 50 years of my life. And so one of the things I want to do is

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empower your greatness. One of the things I want to do is empower

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your innovation. One of the things I want to do is empower

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your ability to grow and evolve and transform into the person that you

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imagine yourself to be or the person that you want to be if you have

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an opportunity to imagine that. So let's get started, right?

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The fact that 93% of an 18 year old's free time will be spent on screens

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was literally out of the box to me because I thought

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the young people was out cooking and partying. Like I didn't know they were

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just literally looking at their screens. However, my last couple of

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international trips I took, I was very surprised to see so many people

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looking at their phones while they were walking. Like and I thought

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was it just because they're so familiar with where they are and I'm in a foreign

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country and I'm not looking at my phone except for

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if I'm listening for the directions. But for all my directions,

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I made sure that they were only like okay one street over and then I'm looking

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for just name the street and then I'm looking for like I made sure I knew where

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I was going so I would have to look at my phone. And I found it very interesting

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and very curious about how many people were really focused on the screen.

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And so when you think about right the way that that has an impact on us,

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I mean the first thing right it really erodes the way we

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interact with people because we tend to think that what we see on the internet

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is real life. We tend to think that what we see on the

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internet is real life and it's not, it's not, not even a little bit.

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And we have been fooled, we have been bamboozled.

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I saw a fan on YouTube and the young woman said she's in

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Los Angeles and she said most of the influencers, she said I'm not her name

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name, but most of the influencers you see they do not live in those houses.

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They rent those houses for $100 an hour or $90 an hour.

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They rent those places and they stage it. They rent those clothes, you know, $300

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a month for bags and shoes and purses and whatever.

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And they just do that to, you know, for the brand deals.

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And you know I thought to myself well yeah of course doesn't everybody know that

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and then I thought no everybody doesn't know that because

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we have literally fallen asleep and we have loud

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the internet and we have allowed social media and the advertisers and the news

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and cable and politics and everybody else to distract us

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such that there is a digital disconnect. And when it comes to

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connecting with people in our real lives we don't understand that the people on

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the internet, the people on the screen is not the people in the real life.

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This lady right, this person who modeled for this picture and I hope she got paid

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for it because I really like it. It says everything like that look on her face

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like yes I got this right and and and for me this image says

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making steps forward and and upward it says making connections

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and it says feeling good about the radical change that

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you know that you're undergoing. And at the end of it right

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the way to get to that is to connect with real life and when I think about like

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the way I was trying to focus my business when I first started

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when COVID had had really just hit I had a really hard time because what I

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recognize now is that although I thought those people were part of my

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community they weren't part of my community. And so I'm not spelling those

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words any different ways but the people who I was relying on to hear my

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message and get what I was saying were not really part of my community. My

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community is the actual people that I see when I when I go outside.

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My community is the actual people who you know I waved to at the mailbox.

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My community is the people I go to my local um you know spot from you know

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this cuisine they know me because I come in there when

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you know once a month right like once a month I get Indian food once a month I

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get Thai food once a month I get Burmese food once

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a month I get Iraqi food once a month I get um

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Nepalese food right once a month I get um that's pretty much it for me I may get

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um Korean food once a month or um oh Mexican food I definitely get Mexican

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food once a month right so that's like four times a month maybe six times a

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month I eat out the rest of the time I'm cooking the rest of the time I'm

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cooking and so I cook I get I cook and I'm a vegan so I cook fresh produce so I

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go to the farmers market three times a week I go to one farmers market on

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Wednesday I go to another one on Friday and then I go to another one on either

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Saturday or Sunday or Thursday right and I do that because I want

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fresh produce and I want to support my local community so my local community

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are the people that I connected to in real life and my local community

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are the ones that I'm now able to develop programs for

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because I have a survey out right I have a community assessment survey that is

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available at radical change LLC dot my dot canva dot site radical change dot

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LLC dot my dot canva dot site is where you can take the community survey if you

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live in and so that you included in a type of training that you want for

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yourself and your your local community the type of training that you believe is

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going to um you know bring about uh you know whatever whatever you want to see

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in your life and and what I want to really make sure that people have a good

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understanding of is not only what are the local resources but what does everybody

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else want what is everybody else thinking like and what are the people

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want to learn right um I live in a rural area maybe people want to learn more

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about how to use technology um you know in their businesses in their farm

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you know in their lives right in a more efficient manner so that they can save

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money well that's something I'm really good at right I spent the last four

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years streamlining my business down to um you know three apps and if I was

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starting all over from scratch right now if I was going to tell somebody how to

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um run a small business literally I would have them have have like five things

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would be all they would need and um I would be able to help them ramp up very

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very quickly and once I um finish doing a few more things I'm excited to even do

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one-on-one small business coaching um in addition to the technology efficiency

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and technology optimization consultant work so um you know radical change

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leadership is all about providing not only the education but the support

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um so that we can really advance right in

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everybody to want to depend but at the end of the day right if we are

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consistently on screens we're not going to be able to have these real world

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interactions right um we already talked about in a

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couple of um sessions previous we talked about the impact of

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blue light um we talked about the impact of um the the impact of uh

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attention um we talked about the impact of um

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cognitive issues we talked about all of the impact to excessive screen time we

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know what it is right and even now on our phones and laptops and

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things we had these little things to remind us of screen time and blah blah

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blah me personally I close my darn eyes I do a lot of things

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so that I can preserve my eyes because I know I've been looking on the screen

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since 1984 right and so and and we had tv before even before that but I've

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been on the computer for 40 years so if I've been on a computer 40 years right

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and I'm already wearing glasses um it would behoove me to focus on how much

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um time I'm spending on the screen so I try not to do too much reading on the

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screen if I have to read something I try to print it out

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um but I do use a computer to do graphics like most people do

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um I use a computer to read email like I'm not going to print out my emails and

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read them because 99.99% of it is um promotional junk mail right

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um and and and bills confirming that this bill got paid or this bill is due

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so it's like you know um it's not it's not worth it but

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but we have come accustomed to it and so it's important to um take those

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impacts into consideration and and and then it's a perfect opportunity right

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to utilize it for real life connection right so we can take you know that

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opportunity to say okay well we want to disconnect from digital um a little bit

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more right and we can take that opportunity to

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um build skills um in the community and that's what the face-to-face

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interactions are going to all be about right so when it comes to

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the leadership learning collective it is going to be

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not only um my global um virtual community but it's going to also be the

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local local community and before I was trying to kick it off

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with people who I thought were going to be supportive of me and of my business

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um because we were you know in a similar you know tax bracket yada yada

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and at the end of the day those people didn't even want to barely speak to me

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those people didn't want to give me the time of day and they definitely weren't

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trying to help support my business at all they weren't they

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they weren't trying to do it and and I recognize too that

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you know a lot of people have such a lack of self-awareness that

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they don't really believe that they can benefit from training they don't believe

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they can benefit from knowledge they don't believe that they can benefit

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from some learning something new and at the end of the day those are never my

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people my people are people who want to learn so that they can be a better

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version of themselves whether it's you know for the

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generations to come whether it's you know for themselves or or just because

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they want to break you know the generational curses or to mess up

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you know crap from their family right for whatever reason

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um they they want to be better human beings and so

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the way to do that is through real-life connections so

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one of the things that we're going to be doing is these face-to-face sessions

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that are also virtual so sort of like I'm doing the tech talk now

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um there I will be um at either you know a local business local library or

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other organization um and delivering the talk

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there will be people there in person plus those of you who will be dialed in

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and um because I'm opening up the community to

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my apple pie subscribers um they will be able to

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uh join in and then ask questions and it will be

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a little more dynamic of a live Q&A um in addition to uh more of a lecture like

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the way we're doing it today however um these lectures are are going to be a

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definite part of the curriculum um that will also be converted and

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utilized in the radical change leadership podcast

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because this is what it's all about it's really about

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giving people the tactics the techniques and the tools

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along with the time right and the time means investing that time

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and repeating the same things over and over so that people get it right

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as I did my study on narcissistic abuse and

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narcissistic personality disorder and narcissism and and narcissistic

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recovery and all of the things I spent hours right not only reading but then

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journaling and applying it to my life and I do that with everything and I want

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to hope that you take that on too when it comes to

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radical change leadership and all of the things that you're going to get

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out of the podcast all the things you're going to get out of the

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forums like today and all the things that you're going to get

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out of the three day or multi-day events which is the symposiums

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which we're going to do once a month and those are going to be at the end

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either the fourth or fifth week um of every month

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and the first two weeks of the month are going to be

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uh Tech Tuesday workplace wise and ThoughtWorks which is a Thursday

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Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday sessions all right so opportunity for real life

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connections right that's about community building having that face-to-face

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interaction so I go to the farmers market when I go to the different farmers

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market not only am I talking about wow the fruits and vegetables look great but

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I'm chit chatting about the things that are happening in the community like when

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I found out that 30.2% of all of Oregonians are food insecure

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I was shocked by that number because we live with all this fresh food

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and then come to find out the food banks are throwing away the food

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food banks are even throwing away the food so not only are they firing

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restaurant workers and supermarket workers

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for taking food home that's garbage but the food banks have so much food that

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they throw food away but yet right people who need food um don't have it

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and although you know um there is some different programs and

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different opportunities and different things we still have that problem

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and a way that you know to talk about it is talking about it face-to-face

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you could be talking about it with somebody on the internet you don't even

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know if they live in the state you live in and your damn sure don't know if they

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live in your zip code but if you see somebody at the farmers market and

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they're there every week and they got a little name bad on and they're like one

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of the coordinators at a farmers market that's somebody that's in your

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community right and they're right there and that's a person that you can get to

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know in a face-to-face interaction and that supports building local networks

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right and then that other part of the real-life connection

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opportunity is using technology to enhance real-life connections so what

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does that look like right so I have an app and that app is called Radical Change

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or leaders learn radical change that's the app that I hold every meeting in I

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don't do zoom meetings if somebody invites me to a meeting

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literally unless it is the replay is going to be embedded like from a youtube

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video or embedded in their website I'm not going to watch it because I'm not

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going to download zoom to watch their stuff because zoom is unnecessary and

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when I think about you know how zoom and everybody else

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has taken advantage of the consumer and build us the shit that they didn't give

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and deleted our data stole our data how do you think they got all this AI stuff

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right now so I just don't mess with it so I use my own app and my app is what's

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called unified communications as service a ucas and what that means is it takes

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all of those features into one so not only video

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video but audio only as well as whiteboarding as well as chat as well as

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screen share as well as video share as well as link share as well as you know

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you can download it and you can download clips of it you can make clips

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and then you can do replies and responses right I can literally

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go back in the video and add things to it and then

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download it and send it back out so there's all these things that you can do

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um super easy and super simple and the other great thing

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is um you know you when you're doing stuff in real life a lot of times right

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you want to have meetings or you have a really good talk and you're like damn I

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really wish we could have wrote that down oh we should have held the zoom

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guess what you have the app on your phone and one click you can have a meeting

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at any time anywhere and record everything no matter what it is

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let's say you and somebody decide y'all want to go into business together

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but nobody has a pen and you trying to write it and notes and you like listen

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this is what I'm saying all you had to do is

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meeting and it would say start meeting or schedule meeting you would hit start

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meeting and then you hit record and then your

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meeting is recorded you can take notes inside of it you can call your partner

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or buddy or friend or relative have them join you inside the

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meeting from their phone and then you have that otherwise

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y'all can both meet from the same phone and you know do front and back camera

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like there's all these different options that keeps you inside of one app and

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keeps you doing one thing when it comes to you know managing your

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text messages and who to message back first everybody can message you in your

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app you open the app you see you have four notifications okay well that's the

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stuff that's most important because you've given everybody the link to your

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app and everybody that's working with you everybody that knows you they know to

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connect with you through the app unless you have the app on do not disturb

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but then they know that means you're on vacation or you're you know in mid-flight

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or you know you're in you know in clients right and with clients

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so you have this opportunity to use technology to enhance these real life

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connections but you can balance that right um because if you can utilize the

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technology for your own creative needs to build up you know your own

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clientele right to do your coaching business to do your consulting business

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whatever you're going to do you can do that and that would be using technology

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for your good instead of using it for the good of zoom or the good of google or

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the good of somebody else all right um and and you know when you think about

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working on projects and initiatives in real life I mean doing something in real

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life and being able to do it without having to read somebody's

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stinking handwriting later you know like going to the doctor and saying hey

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can I record this because I was trying to explain it to my husband but he

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doesn't speak really good English so then and recording it right and him and

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the doctor should be like sure absolutely right because it's helping

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is helping you out um helping them out too um so there's all these like

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different uses for it right you you're in some you know you you end up getting

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in a confrontation um you know because of whatever and you're like no somebody

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try and make me think I'm crazy boom click start meeting click record and you

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can record the whole thing and you can have it and you can play it back later

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right I mean yeah you could do that in voice memo if you have an iPhone or you

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know Android I'm sure has a similar feature but now you have everything in

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one place you have everything where you can get it right

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nobody else has to um have access to it because it's in a secure location so if

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you are or when you are right ready to facilitate better conversations when

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you're ready to you know really do brainstorming and innovation when you're

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looking for tools to work together when you want you know support

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hosting and participating in in-person virtual hybrid programs and the

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coaching and consulting work um you know access to professional guidance

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that's when you want to download the app and you want to message me you know

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hey what's up or anything right usually once you um download the app depending

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on what the time zone I'm going to know within um eight to 16 hours right like

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literally unless I'm like I said in this flight somewhere and I have my phone

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off or you know it's you know I'm on vacation or similar tonight um it may

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take me eight to 16 hours however um you know you'll be able to connect um with

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me and come to people um that are interested in these conversations and

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doing this doing this work um at any time inside of very specific yet

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private groups all right so we talked about um you know getting

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reconnected with people in real life so now let's talk about connect getting

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connected with ourselves because that's the part that

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please other people help other people do shift for other people

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at the end of the day we need to put our mask on ourselves first before we try

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to put the mask on somebody else and it's hard it's very hard for women and I

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think for black women it's like our kryptonite it's our kryptonite because

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the world the entire world has colonized us into serving them

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in some kind of way and now it's so natural to us we don't even realize

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that we're doing it all the time every time emotionally physically

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psychologically um you know physically sexually the whole way we are a

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mammy we are a messenger we are a mule that's you know that was the beginning

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of what got me kicked off tiktok because I had went from like

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something like 18,022 or something like that and then I got to 25 and the

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content was going good and people did not like that and it's like a hit dog

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collars why are you that my content body just block it and move on well the whole

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bunch you know going on with that but now that I

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realize right how much colonization has impacted us how

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much we um have harmed each other and treated each

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other in such um narcissistic ways that we um we we are almost stuck in a

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really terrible paradigm and those of us that are out um you know we don't have a

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whole bunch of friends and you know I had decided a couple years ago that I

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didn't want any new friends but then somehow some uh you know I got love

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moms and I got married and you know the whole thing did what it did and I got

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out in two years but it still happened but I also you know in my

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person I have you know a history of narcissistic abuse in my

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background so unfortunately it was you know on the path but now

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because I have all of this self-awareness um I know that having

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self-awareness is way more important um than building uh external connections

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you have to know yourself love yourself and trust yourself and I do know myself

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love myself and trust myself and I just did not um know because narcissistic

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mirroring you um I didn't realize that you know that's one of the key tactics

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that the narcissists in my life have used in my adult life is mirroring me is

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love bombing me right um is future faking me right um is just plain old plain

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old lying to me like because I have this thing called positive projection and

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I'm always rejecting myself on other people and now that I have such a

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greater level of self-awareness about that now I can I can you know um be

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more reflective right more self-reflective because the thing is when it

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comes to technology it impedes our ability to be self-reflective and personal

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group have personal group because it's always pushing shit down our throat

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it's always telling us what to do it's always you know saying this is what you

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need you need more lashes you need this you need that so I was looking for

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something to um darken up my eyebrows a little bit other than a pencil which I

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can use at any point in time and I was thinking I might

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could find some at home um what do they call this stuff oh forget they do it at

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the salon but I was like oh I could probably find a little at home stuff

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long story short I'm looking at something I'm like why is it white I come to look

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and realize it's glue I'm like glue for your eyelashes for your eyebrows no it

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was eyelash glue for fake eyelashes and I was like oh and I'm like okay this

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they are really trying to tell us that we just don't have no kind of nothing

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it's trying to make us change every little thing about us down to the eyelashes

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now yeah I wanted to darken up my eyebrows but damn now it's making me it's

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telling me I don't my eyelashes are too whatever and I just thought like this is

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a lot right this is why we need to off the internet

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the internet will have you thinking that you are

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looking crazy and ugly and plain as day when at the end of the day

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everybody on the internet is so made up in real life people don't look like that

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and when you do go places and people look like that it looks not good

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it looks terrible like when I was in Los Angeles I seen so many BBLs

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I seen BBLs in Mexico I ain't seen no BBLs in Asia thank god but I seen BBLs in

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Mexico actually I did see a white lady with a BBL

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I did I seen a white lady with a BBL in Asia

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um but I seen a whole bunch of different people with BBLs in Los Angeles I seen

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a couple BBLs in LA I seen BBLs in North Carolina

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and um I'm just like to me they don't look good in person but you know that's me

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and maybe I don't know maybe you got to be a man to like I don't know whatever

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it is but to me it doesn't look good but the level of self-awareness right

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in somebody that feels like they need a BBL they don't like themselves that much

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because to go under the knife and and I have a friend that died from

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complications from um some type of procedure like that

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and it's not worth it it's not worth it so self-awareness is really important

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because you have to understand yourself otherwise you end up being in

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relationships with people who are harmful and you may or may not know it

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and you may have end up having a pattern of it and it won't be until you really

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start doing the work of healing that you'll notice it and technology can

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impede that also because with technology comes

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you know people stalking you from technology comes people

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learning about you figuring you out from technology comes people

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um being able to mirror you and to um take on those qualities and characteristics

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of somebody um that is somebody that you might like and be like oh yeah we got

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00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:08,720
so much time in and look look look that's happened to me over and over and over

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00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:13,840
check out my podcast um managing my own radical change it is on

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00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:19,600
Apple Spotify um and the other places go check it out because I talk about that

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and I'm going to continue to talk about that because I did not understand

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um that I had that pattern I know what narcissism was but I didn't think about

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it from an individual standpoint I thought about it from a

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um societal standpoint and once I started putting the two the two together

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I was like damn and it made me evaluate a lot of

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relations in my life especially one that I kind of thought was going to be like a

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permanent relationship I ain't know it was going to have a two year end even

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though I saw a lot of red flags the entire relationship and I had to ask

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myself why did I let those red flags go

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right and a lot of it has to do with the mirroring a lot of it had to do with the

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future faking a lot of it had to do with the you know um you know

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right

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aspects that fit right into narcissistic personality disorder and every

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time I go down to nine traits I keep on coming up with seven of them

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eight of them and I'm like oh darn it that means it's really bad it wasn't me

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and to have to keep on doing that over and over but what it boils down to is

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connecting with yourself right so in order for me to like to really get that

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together right and and and not um in in

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in partly disconnecting from technology but the self-awareness piece getting

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that part together and understanding the self and getting the

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self concept increased is making sure that I'm focused on my

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right um what am I about and then being mindful with it

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what am I talking to myself and saying to myself what's my message

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how am I feeling what is my mood and what am I doing from the standpoint of

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actions and behaviors what does that look like so

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that's the four m's then the other part is making sure that I understand that as

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I want to make this um this shift right to connect

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with myself there's some things that if I have them in place man it's going to

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make all the difference right so the first two things can impede you when

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you don't have them and the first is culture if you're not in a culture

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where people are learning and growing and self evolutionary

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and self-empowering it's going to be very difficult if you're not around or in a

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00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:37,840
coalition of people who are focused on self development it is going to have a

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00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,760
tendency to drag you down birds of a feather flock together right if

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somebody is doing bad they want you to do bad that's saying misery loves

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00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,120
company ain't no joke if somebody is miserable get the hell away from them

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because they're gonna try to make you miserable too

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I have seen that over and over and over and especially when it's person that is

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supposed to be helping you or something like that and that's one of those

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ways you can tell um if a person is a narcissist so it's like they're never

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happy about anything they never really smile they never

445
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,880
celebrate they never genuine and it's because they're empty inside but

446
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:12,720
again you can learn more about that in the other podcast so the first two

447
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,880
right sees our culture the the environment that you're in the atmosphere

448
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:22,240
and a coalition of the people around the next two is all about the abilities and

449
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:27,360
skills and things that you need um in order to uh do this connection to

450
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:32,320
yourself is you need capacity that means you need the time and the space um and

451
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,360
the resources right and you need the competence that means you need new

452
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:41,920
skills you need new habits you need new mindsets you need um new tools right so

453
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:47,040
that you can become confident and then the last three is all up to you it's 100

454
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,480
percent up to you the first part is conviction meaning you made up your

455
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:54,640
mind you decided this is what i'm gonna do this is how i'm a role the second part

456
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:57,760
is courage meaning you're not gonna let nothing stand in your way you're gonna

457
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:04,080
put consistency and persistency um persistence and right

458
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:08,560
next piece is the commitment meaning that no matter what you're not gonna give up

459
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:13,520
you're gonna keep on going right you're you because you decided you are

460
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:19,360
determined and i have where i talk about determination um being really important

461
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:23,760
and and determination is important in terms of how you're going to show up and

462
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:28,480
how you're going to be who you want to be so i talk about like leadership and

463
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,160
leaders having a mandate and when it comes to the mandate i say that the

464
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:36,400
mandate is all about the three ways that leaders need to be and leaders need to

465
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:41,040
be authentic that's number one um number two they need to be curious and

466
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,320
number three they need to be empathetic right and i say that that all of this

467
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:49,600
needs to happen in an optimistic way right you can't be like you know mushy or

468
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:56,880
warm about it right authenticity is like hey i'm gonna show up as

469
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:03,600
i don't give up right curious is i'm gonna ask questions to myself about myself

470
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:07,520
about my past about my present about my dreams about my desires

471
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:11,120
because i know what at the root of all change is what desire

472
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:14,240
so nothing could be different i'm not going to be able to change my

473
00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:21,520
relationship with my with technology if i don't have full grass on

474
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:26,560
um my relationship with myself and if i'm unable to be authentic or curious

475
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:30,960
because i'm in a bad relationship at work a bad relationship at home a bad

476
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:34,240
relationship with my community members a bad relationship with my neighbor

477
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:38,560
my whatever whatever then i'm going to have to do some work

478
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:45,280
on that and the next part is about you know how how do i do that well i do that

479
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:50,160
um because healing is a priority healing is our very first job like and we all

480
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,200
have shit to heal from and if you don't have anything to heal from like i had a

481
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,520
client

482
00:35:56,080 --> 00:36:03,600
nothing to heal from her great and she was she like she never had any abuse in

483
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:08,240
her house she didn't know anybody that was abused she didn't mean anybody that

484
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:13,040
ever was abused so a friend she met in her 30s like she had just like perfect

485
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:17,680
life now looking back i think she's lying and i think that she just didn't

486
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,280
want to face the per you know that now i maybe she thought it was

487
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,760
perfect and maybe she just missed the stuff that was

488
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:27,280
imperfect maybe she blocked it out but i don't know i just never really heard

489
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:32,240
nobody say they had a perfect life before but hey if she did i hope she did

490
00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:38,720
because she's that let me know that self-awareness um is also a thing um but

491
00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:42,400
she also wasn't ready to really take that to the next level and that's fine you

492
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:46,800
know i work with people that are only ready to go a certain distance and i'm

493
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:51,360
fine with that and and that's one of the reasons that the model you know of uh

494
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:56,080
you know supporting people's journey regardless of their ability to pay um

495
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,840
you know that's that's that's what it is right that's what it is because at the

496
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,960
end of the day i know people need what i got at the end of the day i know people

497
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:08,480
need critical thought leadership intersection with um you know technology

498
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,880
optimization but more than anything um what does that look like in the in the

499
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:20,800
context of healing i think it's a growth it has to be where you start um if you

500
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,520
want any kind of success

501
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:32,160
and it's right it's time and it's tools the tactics it's a strategy you can use

502
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:37,600
some different things right um you can say okay well i want to work on my

503
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:43,280
early childhood memories and child abuse i'm gonna work on that for six months

504
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:48,880
okay how am i going to work on that um techniques well i'm gonna do some things

505
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:54,240
grounding i'm gonna do deep breathing i'm gonna do a little exposure therapy for

506
00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:58,560
myself um and i'm going to join a group cohort and maybe i'm gonna do a little

507
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:03,600
one-on-one coaching okay um but i'm definitely going to journal every day

508
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:09,680
and incorporate music all right fine what's next what's next is um time all

509
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:13,520
right well i'm going to work on it over the next six months i'm going to

510
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:17,680
devote an hour a day to my own healing like no matter what when i get up in a

511
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:22,320
morning i'm gonna spend that whole first hour healing from you know brushing my

512
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:26,400
teeth to my shower to my body care to putting on my clean

513
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:30,320
clothes to take care of my what i'm gonna spend that whole first hour just healing

514
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,520
whatever that means i mean i have to sit down and cry that i mean i have to sit

515
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:37,680
in on the on the couch and lay down taking that but i'm gonna spend that

516
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:42,400
hour so whatever that time is right and then tools what do i need do i need to

517
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:47,520
download that journal do i just need my little um notes application on my phone

518
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:51,120
oh damn i could just use the leaders learn radical change app because then i can

519
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:57,040
do video journal audio journal i can draw i can sketch i can um paste in links i

520
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:04,160
can sing i can put in you know um uh what's the word i can put in graphics right

521
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:08,320
i can put in pictures i can do whiteboarding i can do all of these

522
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:15,760
things right so i have the tools available to me right um and then you know

523
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:22,320
it's all um it's all about you know embracing this whole journey right

524
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:26,480
because when you're healing there's some steps that you need to go through right

525
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:32,320
the first piece is really like okay acknowledging what went down okay well um my

526
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:37,280
past was filled with a lot of abuse a lot of narks or i worked at a lot of

527
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:41,920
companies that really took advantage of me or you know i lived in a lot of abject

528
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:46,000
poverty and it was really tough and depressing or you know my parents died

529
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:50,080
when i was really young or my dad left in my mom you know struggled my whole life

530
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,360
or whatever whatever right it's just acknowledging the past right the

531
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:57,760
second part is just assessing um like what does this mean right and what's the

532
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:02,240
gap between um your life and what you believe it is and what you want it to

533
00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:06,160
be right it's it's it's what you believe it to be the next part is addressing the

534
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:12,400
the right it's addressing the wounds and they're really saying all right well i'ma address this um i

535
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:16,880
said i'ma have a strategy and that's what the addressing it is and so i'm going to do

536
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,000
somatic exercises i'm going to do deep breathing i'm gonna do grounding i'm gonna do

537
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:24,800
exposure therapy but i'm going to cry when i need to cry i'm gonna say hey look i need

538
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,560
time i'm gonna do what i need to do but i'm going to get in these wounds and i'm

539
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:33,440
gonna touch them and i'm gonna deal with them right and then finally um is and

540
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:37,840
seeking support to do so right um a coach that's going to help you with recovery

541
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:45,600
therapy um i have um mentor and coached hundreds of people um over the last 40

542
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:53,680
years um i would say the first part of my career it was uh probably 40 60 men 40

543
00:40:53,680 --> 00:41:00,560
percent men 60 percent women i would say now it's um 85 percent women 15 percent

544
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:06,880
men um and i would really love to work with men more um because men have such an

545
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:12,000
opportunity to really shape the future of their own families the communities in the

546
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:17,440
world um if they just start forgiving themselves of everything that they believe

547
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:22,000
that they did wrong as well as the things that they know they did wrong right um and

548
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:28,000
and that part is is a real healing piece um but but the last piece is really about radical

549
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:33,120
acceptance right so you know acknowledging what happened assessing you know what it is

550
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:38,400
versus what you wanted to be um addressing the pain addressing the wounds you know

551
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:44,240
addressing the plans to move forward but then finally accepting right accepting radical

552
00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:48,880
acceptance of things happened i couldn't control them it is what it is but now i'm

553
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:53,360
going to embrace the journey moving forward understanding that personal growth is just

554
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:58,960
ongoing um process right and and putting together a plan to make it happen for yourself

555
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:04,000
like you know it's um september now and i shared with you know people that before the

556
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:08,080
end of the year i'm going to lose this final 20 pounds and i'm going to be at the weight that

557
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:13,680
you know i feel the most comfortable the weight that makes me um you know feel the most healthy

558
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:20,880
and um i'm embracing the journey to get there i had the the two yesterday and today

559
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:32,240
today so what i need to do is perfect one two more recipes well one two three recipes i need to

560
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:42,720
well four four more recipes that i need to perfect and um i cannot imagine ever going to a vegan

561
00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:48,720
restaurant ever again i can't if i can perfect these next four pieces there's so many things i

562
00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:55,120
know how to make now if i can do these next four it's game on i'm never going to another vegan

563
00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:59,120
now that doesn't mean that i won't go out and order my food vegan because i go to my indian

564
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:06,800
i get the vegan um valley dinner right i go to the mexican spot i get the vegan dinner

565
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:15,520
however um once i get these other things under my belt then there will never be a need to do um

566
00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:27,520
um what like those um american vegan spots again um so that is me embracing um this future of

567
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:35,520
you know being able to cook more raw food and being able to perfect more recipes and enjoy my

568
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:40,880
own food more so that i don't have to go out because i love cooking my own food it makes me feel

569
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:46,160
healthy it makes me feel um clean it makes me feel like yeah i definitely know i'm gonna live another

570
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:54,320
55 years and it's amazing amazing feeling so it's also about that positive outlook right like like of

571
00:43:54,320 --> 00:44:01,280
every change that you want to do right but in order to get there right it's all about um doing

572
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:06,880
that acknowledgement assessing you know where you where you are and where you want to go addressing

573
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:11,200
the wounds and then you know doing a real acceptance radical acceptance that you can't go back and you

574
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:19,520
can't change time you cannot change time so when it comes to you know the way that we um

575
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:28,960
determine right that we are going to um connect with technology we get to choose how we're going

576
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:38,240
to do it and what i'm going to say is that because um you know we know that 93 percent of an 18 year

577
00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:43,920
old's free time is going to be spent on screens that is our key to take that knowledge right and run

578
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:50,960
with it and do a few things number one to reconnect with real life community recollect with real life

579
00:44:50,960 --> 00:45:05,520
community go to your local um dairy farm and get fresh eggs go to your local farmers market and meet

580
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:12,640
your neighbors period when you go pick up your mail say hey when you go to get to groceries

581
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:18,000
say hello meet your neighbors right connect with your community real life number two connect with

582
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:24,240
yourselves right really get into do you know love and trust yourself really get into self-awareness

583
00:45:24,240 --> 00:45:29,440
and really look at how technology has touched your life or or or mess with you right look at those

584
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:35,120
four m's how is your mindfulness coming with the technology what's your feelings the mood how are you

585
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:40,320
moving about and you know your activities and behaviors and your message what is yourself talk

586
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:45,600
when it comes to connecting with yourself right are you in a place where you're going to able to see

587
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:50,880
results right are you around a in a culture and around a bunch of people a coalition that's going

588
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:56,560
to support what you're trying to do do you have the capacity the resources in the time do you have

589
00:45:56,560 --> 00:46:04,320
the skills right do you have the actual skills the competence right um to to make it happen and then

590
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:11,680
are you firmly convicted with courage and committed to do it right um are you able to show up as a

591
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:20,400
leader with the authenticity curiosity and empathetic nature and empathetic behaviors and mindset

592
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:27,120
and self-talk are you able to show up like that and can you do that in an optimistic way always

593
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:35,280
knowing that the glass is half full and i'ma make it right um and and finally right um do you know

594
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:41,840
that healing is job one healing is your top priority and if your personal healing empowerment and

595
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:48,000
growth is not the thing that you focused on with the right tactics the right techniques the amount

596
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:54,720
of time you need and the tools you go and struggle but the steps for healing involve you know

597
00:46:54,720 --> 00:46:59,760
acknowledging right the impact and what happened assessing the current state where you want to go

598
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:07,840
right um addressing addressing right the wounds addressing the pain and then doing the radical

599
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:12,320
acceptance so that you can really move forward and have their positive outlook listen thank you

600
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:20,720
so so much for joining because you get the opportunity right to um stay in touch with

601
00:47:20,720 --> 00:47:26,640
what matters and i think what matters is our self sense of self i think what matters is the love

602
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:31,600
and the relationships and the success that we have in life and i think that we get to decide

603
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:39,760
all of those things hey thank you so much for joining me for this edition of tech talk and

604
00:47:39,760 --> 00:48:00,400
i'll see you soon