WEBVTT 00:00:17.579 --> 00:00:20.960 and welcome to Networking Unleashed, Building 00:00:20.960 --> 00:00:24.179 Profitable Connections. Welcome back to the show, 00:00:24.199 --> 00:00:27.339 folks. I'm your host, Michael Foreman, and you're 00:00:27.339 --> 00:00:30.039 listening to the podcast where networking is 00:00:30.039 --> 00:00:32.920 more than just awkward handshakes and bad coffee. 00:00:33.299 --> 00:00:36.700 It's an art and a talent. But here's the twist. 00:00:36.939 --> 00:00:40.020 It's an art and talent you can actually learn. 00:00:40.340 --> 00:00:43.380 Yes, even if you're the person hiding in a corner 00:00:43.380 --> 00:00:47.600 at every event pretending to check emails. Networking 00:00:47.600 --> 00:00:50.219 isn't just a nice skill to have, it's a game 00:00:50.219 --> 00:00:52.899 changer. And when you get good at it, you'll 00:00:52.899 --> 00:00:55.939 wonder why you didn't start sooner. More connections, 00:00:56.299 --> 00:01:00.439 more opportunities, more profits. It's like unlocking 00:01:00.439 --> 00:01:03.259 a cheat code for life. So whether you're the 00:01:03.259 --> 00:01:05.840 life of the party or just the let me stay at 00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:08.560 home and text type, I've got something for you. 00:01:08.840 --> 00:01:11.739 So stick around and let's turn those awkward 00:01:11.739 --> 00:01:16.400 small talk moments into big wins. I've got an 00:01:16.400 --> 00:01:19.140 incredible guest today. His name is Frank King. 00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:21.840 Let's say he's been around the horn a little 00:01:21.840 --> 00:01:25.680 bit, and he has quite an extensive background. 00:01:26.140 --> 00:01:29.120 But let me just tell you that Frank King is a 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:33.219 corporate comedian, TEDx speaker, and a suicide 00:01:33.219 --> 00:01:36.719 prevention advocate with over 20 years of experience 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:40.599 as a writer for The Tonight Show. So before I 00:01:40.599 --> 00:01:44.099 butcher his background, I really just want to 00:01:44.099 --> 00:01:46.000 introduce Frank and let him tell you a little 00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:48.099 bit more about it. Frank, how are you today? 00:01:48.799 --> 00:01:51.200 Enjoying a wonderful cup of coffee. I'm good. 00:01:51.319 --> 00:01:53.079 And I've been around the Horn twice, actually. 00:01:53.180 --> 00:01:57.239 The Horn. First time around, the weather was 00:01:57.239 --> 00:02:00.260 gorgeous. The sea was flat like a pool table. 00:02:00.500 --> 00:02:02.620 I came up, I do stand -up comedy on cruise ships. 00:02:02.700 --> 00:02:04.420 I've been to all seven continents, including 00:02:04.420 --> 00:02:07.159 Antarctica, twice. And we were on our way to 00:02:07.159 --> 00:02:11.639 Antarctica. And I come up on deck, I look, and 00:02:11.639 --> 00:02:14.780 I... It's just a gorgeous day. And I said, what's 00:02:14.780 --> 00:02:17.560 that big rock? To one of the pastors, he goes, 00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:21.500 Frank, that's the horn. I go, it can't be. I've 00:02:21.500 --> 00:02:24.479 seen pictures of this area when I was a kid. 00:02:24.599 --> 00:02:27.719 Giant waves, sea serpents, ships flipping over, 00:02:27.860 --> 00:02:32.120 guys falling out. It's going to be. But it was. 00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:34.319 The second I went around, it was like that. The 00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:38.099 ship didn't turn over, but it was ugly. I started 00:02:38.099 --> 00:02:41.539 comedy in the fourth grade, nine years old. Actually, 00:02:41.580 --> 00:02:43.599 people often ask me, were you born funny? Yes, 00:02:43.620 --> 00:02:46.560 as a matter of fact. An amusing thing happened 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:49.479 on the way down the birth canal. But I was born 00:02:49.479 --> 00:02:52.139 funny. Ninth grade, I told a joke. Kids laughed. 00:02:52.300 --> 00:02:54.960 Teacher was hysterical. So hysterical, she had 00:02:54.960 --> 00:02:56.680 to excuse herself to go to the teacher's lounge. 00:02:56.860 --> 00:03:00.080 She was laughing so hard. I realized at that 00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:02.840 moment I was going to be a comedian. Twelfth 00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:04.560 grade, I'd been taking drama for three years, 00:03:04.580 --> 00:03:08.080 never got a speaking part. Spring, they had a 00:03:08.080 --> 00:03:10.780 talent show. And I thought, you know what? If 00:03:10.780 --> 00:03:12.699 I do stand -up, I can write, direct, produce, 00:03:12.840 --> 00:03:14.780 star my own little show every night. I'm going 00:03:14.780 --> 00:03:16.319 to do stand -up. Nobody's ever done stand -up 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:18.699 at the talent show. And there's a picture of 00:03:18.699 --> 00:03:21.759 me in the annual in a really ugly three -piece 00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:25.120 suit holding the microphone and doing my stand 00:03:25.120 --> 00:03:27.400 -up. And I won. Of course, I beat the accordion 00:03:27.400 --> 00:03:29.500 player and the folk dancer, so not a huge victory, 00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:32.379 but still a victory. Went home, told my mama, 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:35.659 I'm going to L .A. She goes, no, son, you're 00:03:35.659 --> 00:03:39.889 not. You are going to college first. I don't 00:03:39.889 --> 00:03:41.629 care what you do when you get done. You can be 00:03:41.629 --> 00:03:43.389 a goat herder for all I care. You're going to 00:03:43.389 --> 00:03:47.210 be a goat herder with a college degree. So UNC 00:03:47.210 --> 00:03:49.030 Chapel Hill picked up a couple of college degrees, 00:03:49.210 --> 00:03:52.710 neither of which I've ever used. But I graduated 00:03:52.710 --> 00:03:56.349 and then bolted for the West Coast. And 40 years 00:03:56.349 --> 00:04:00.310 ago, this coming April 1st, I was doing my first 00:04:00.310 --> 00:04:03.569 open mic night. And inside my head about halfway 00:04:03.569 --> 00:04:08.469 through, I heard a voice. You're home. Decided 00:04:08.469 --> 00:04:10.949 that moment. I would do it for a living. Had 00:04:10.949 --> 00:04:14.310 no idea how. Matter of fact, Michael, I've threatened 00:04:14.310 --> 00:04:16.889 for years to write a keynote called, What Could 00:04:16.889 --> 00:04:20.089 You Do If You Didn't Know No Better? Because 00:04:20.089 --> 00:04:22.089 had I known how hard it was to make a living 00:04:22.089 --> 00:04:25.410 doing stand -up, I might not have tried. 18 months 00:04:25.410 --> 00:04:27.269 later, said to my girlfriend, now my wife of 00:04:27.269 --> 00:04:30.410 37 years, I'm going on the road to be a comic, 00:04:30.490 --> 00:04:31.990 full -time. You want to come along for the ride? 00:04:32.170 --> 00:04:35.110 Figuring she'd go, oh, hell no. She goes, yeah. 00:04:35.790 --> 00:04:38.620 So we gave up the apartment. and our jobs. Jumped 00:04:38.620 --> 00:04:41.399 into my tiny Dodge Colt and we were on the road 00:04:41.399 --> 00:04:46.660 for 2 ,629 nights in a row non -stop. Club to 00:04:46.660 --> 00:04:49.180 club, beer bar to beer bar, pool hall to pool 00:04:49.180 --> 00:04:51.319 hall, drunk idiot screaming, tell us some jokes 00:04:51.319 --> 00:04:55.000 we can dance to. Here comes the slow one. You 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:59.000 can slow dance. And seven years and change. And 00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:01.300 then came off the road to do radio in my old 00:05:01.300 --> 00:05:03.160 hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina. Got a job 00:05:03.160 --> 00:05:04.779 on The Morning Show, the number one morning show 00:05:04.779 --> 00:05:07.569 in Raleigh, North Carolina. And in 18 months, 00:05:07.670 --> 00:05:11.009 I drove it to number six. A friend of mine said, 00:05:11.069 --> 00:05:12.550 you didn't drive that into the ground. You drove 00:05:12.550 --> 00:05:15.810 it into Middle Earth. I did. And then I made 00:05:15.810 --> 00:05:18.209 the jump to corporate comedy because the clubs 00:05:18.209 --> 00:05:20.970 are closing faster than they were opening. People 00:05:20.970 --> 00:05:22.550 ask me, what's the difference between a club 00:05:22.550 --> 00:05:25.189 comic and a corporate comic? About $5 ,000 a 00:05:25.189 --> 00:05:28.269 night plus travel. Yeah, I'm no math major, Michael, 00:05:28.370 --> 00:05:32.209 but that made sense. Some of my really pure comic 00:05:32.209 --> 00:05:36.149 purists friends, you sold out. You went corporate. 00:05:36.540 --> 00:05:39.259 Yes, I did. I'm a prostitute, but I'm a high 00:05:39.259 --> 00:05:42.279 paid prostitute. That's right. Did that till 00:05:42.279 --> 00:05:44.240 2008 when the bottom dropped out of the speaking 00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:48.680 slash comedy market with the recession. Lost 00:05:48.680 --> 00:05:51.319 everything in a chapter seven bankruptcy. That's 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:52.920 when I learned what the barrel of my gun tasted 00:05:52.920 --> 00:05:56.379 like. Spoiler alert, I did not pull the trigger. 00:05:57.600 --> 00:06:00.459 When speaking came back, meeting planner said 00:06:00.459 --> 00:06:02.290 to me, Frank, we love you. Can't pay you five 00:06:02.290 --> 00:06:04.209 grand anymore just to be funny. You have got 00:06:04.209 --> 00:06:06.290 to teach the audience something. I had no idea 00:06:06.290 --> 00:06:08.790 what to teach. But a friend of mine, Judy Carter, 00:06:08.930 --> 00:06:10.629 wrote a book called The Message of You, Turn 00:06:10.629 --> 00:06:12.230 Your Life into a Money -Making Speaking Career. 00:06:12.730 --> 00:06:14.490 She gave me a copy. She goes, Frankie, you read 00:06:14.490 --> 00:06:16.149 this, you'll figure it out. And she takes you 00:06:16.149 --> 00:06:17.509 by the hand and walks you through the process. 00:06:18.490 --> 00:06:20.329 Halfway through, I thought, I do have something 00:06:20.329 --> 00:06:22.949 to talk about. Given my near suicide, two mental 00:06:22.949 --> 00:06:24.569 illnesses, the fact, Michael, there are more 00:06:24.569 --> 00:06:27.769 nuts in my family than in a squirrel turd, I 00:06:27.769 --> 00:06:29.569 could keynote on suicide prevention if I got 00:06:29.569 --> 00:06:32.759 some training, which I did. Then I thought, now 00:06:32.759 --> 00:06:35.220 wait a minute. I've been doing comedy for two 00:06:35.220 --> 00:06:37.180 and a half decades. Who's going to take me serious 00:06:37.180 --> 00:06:40.259 about anything? So my wife said famously, do 00:06:40.259 --> 00:06:44.040 a TEDx. And I said famously, what's a TEDx? As 00:06:44.040 --> 00:06:47.680 I get ready to do my 13th TEDx, I got an application 00:06:47.680 --> 00:06:50.939 that week from a TEDx in Vancouver, BC. And so 00:06:50.939 --> 00:06:53.939 I applied, I auditioned, I got it. And then two 00:06:53.939 --> 00:06:55.779 more events called and said, do you have any 00:06:55.779 --> 00:06:59.370 more mental health topics? Yes, I do. Those are 00:06:59.370 --> 00:07:02.410 my first three. So I proved to people that I 00:07:02.410 --> 00:07:03.889 could do something deadly serious, literally 00:07:03.889 --> 00:07:07.129 deadly serious, with humor, funny personal anecdotes, 00:07:07.149 --> 00:07:09.810 not jokes, but anecdotes. And by the way, there's 00:07:09.810 --> 00:07:12.829 a rule in comedy, Michael. You can make fun of 00:07:12.829 --> 00:07:16.930 any group to which you belong. And having two 00:07:16.930 --> 00:07:18.889 mental illnesses and coming close to killing 00:07:18.889 --> 00:07:23.009 myself, I am doubly qualified. So that's the 00:07:23.009 --> 00:07:24.430 long and the short, and I've been doing that. 00:07:25.050 --> 00:07:27.250 I had other speeches. I had a networking speech, 00:07:27.310 --> 00:07:29.410 as a matter of fact. I have a networking speech 00:07:29.410 --> 00:07:32.389 that will make you cry. It's a story about networking. 00:07:33.569 --> 00:07:36.370 It's about how I network to help someone out. 00:07:36.829 --> 00:07:39.009 And at the end, I said, look, if I don't ever 00:07:39.009 --> 00:07:41.290 do anything good for anybody else in my lifetime, 00:07:41.550 --> 00:07:43.410 that story right there should get me into heaven. 00:07:44.009 --> 00:07:48.110 But I decided January 1st, 2018, I'm just going 00:07:48.110 --> 00:07:51.029 to be a suicide prevention speaker. Because Jane 00:07:51.029 --> 00:07:52.990 Atkinson, the wealthy speaker coach, said, pick 00:07:52.990 --> 00:07:55.410 a lane. Be the expert or thought leader. Just 00:07:55.410 --> 00:07:58.509 do one thing. and figure out who needs that thing 00:07:58.509 --> 00:08:00.670 and is willing to pay for it. So I thought, okay, 00:08:00.790 --> 00:08:03.310 I'm a suicide prevention speaker. And I've been 00:08:03.310 --> 00:08:10.550 doing that since 2018. I'll tell you, from my 00:08:10.550 --> 00:08:13.670 experience as a speaker, that was always the 00:08:13.670 --> 00:08:16.490 case. Pick a lane. Pick a lane, go to it, and 00:08:16.490 --> 00:08:20.350 you'll do wonders. It's worked so far. And hearing 00:08:20.350 --> 00:08:23.649 it from you with your vast experience tells me 00:08:23.649 --> 00:08:26.870 that I was given the right advice. Okay, so I'm 00:08:26.870 --> 00:08:29.610 going to go right into the questions. Yeah. How 00:08:29.610 --> 00:08:32.129 has networking played a role in your mission 00:08:32.129 --> 00:08:35.509 to raise awareness about suicide prevention? 00:08:36.750 --> 00:08:41.429 I'm a big believer in giving value first without 00:08:41.429 --> 00:08:45.169 expectation of return. My mother taught me that. 00:08:45.210 --> 00:08:48.590 I didn't know she was teaching me that. She loved 00:08:48.590 --> 00:08:50.129 to network, although we didn't call it that at 00:08:50.129 --> 00:08:52.830 the time. People would call her all hours, day 00:08:52.830 --> 00:08:54.820 and night. and ask if they could get some help 00:08:54.820 --> 00:08:56.360 from her. And if she could help, she would do 00:08:56.360 --> 00:08:59.460 her best to help them. And I'm watching this 00:08:59.460 --> 00:09:02.980 as a child, to no benefit of her own, just because 00:09:02.980 --> 00:09:05.820 she knew somebody who could probably get it done, 00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:09.120 and she took great pleasure in getting it done. 00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:14.419 And so I have networked with other entertainers, 00:09:14.419 --> 00:09:17.799 other speakers in my career, and I think that's 00:09:17.799 --> 00:09:22.830 the key, a key to success. is the network. It's 00:09:22.830 --> 00:09:25.029 a lonely business as a speaker, as a comedian. 00:09:25.090 --> 00:09:27.330 You're doing it by yourself. So I believe you 00:09:27.330 --> 00:09:31.570 have to build a network. And I believe when you 00:09:31.570 --> 00:09:34.529 network, it's like a garden. You have to tend 00:09:34.529 --> 00:09:38.870 it. You have to nurture it. I'm still in touch 00:09:38.870 --> 00:09:42.830 with my eighth grade history teacher. Was Miss 00:09:42.830 --> 00:09:46.370 Hill, now Mrs. Goody. And I needed something. 00:09:46.730 --> 00:09:49.769 I needed, oh, I needed, somebody called me, a 00:09:49.769 --> 00:09:51.820 fraternity brother of mine. had a daughter who 00:09:51.820 --> 00:09:53.639 graduated from college, and she wanted to work 00:09:53.639 --> 00:09:55.860 in a school where they worked with autistic kids. 00:09:56.879 --> 00:09:59.080 And I said to him what my mother would say, I'll 00:09:59.080 --> 00:10:01.980 see what I can do. So I called Ms. Godey, who 00:10:01.980 --> 00:10:03.980 had been a teacher in Raleigh, North Carolina, 00:10:04.179 --> 00:10:07.679 and on the Wake County School Board, and said, 00:10:07.720 --> 00:10:09.919 listen, here's the deal. She graduated college, 00:10:10.220 --> 00:10:12.019 she's really bright, she wants to work, and so 00:10:12.019 --> 00:10:15.399 we helped to network her into a job in Cary, 00:10:15.460 --> 00:10:18.539 North Carolina, at one of the top schools for 00:10:18.539 --> 00:10:22.330 autistic kids in the South. So that's eighth 00:10:22.330 --> 00:10:26.429 grade teacher. Your network goes way, way back. 00:10:26.870 --> 00:10:31.129 Yes, and the greatest thing I've ever done, networking 00:10:31.129 --> 00:10:35.450 -wise, was I was taking a martial arts class 00:10:35.450 --> 00:10:39.950 on Whidbey Island, Washington, and I had a fellow 00:10:39.950 --> 00:10:44.409 student, Elise. And Elise came in crying one 00:10:44.409 --> 00:10:47.289 day. And I said, what's wrong? She said, we're 00:10:47.289 --> 00:10:50.250 trying to adopt a child from Nepal. My husband's 00:10:50.250 --> 00:10:52.470 there now. It's the last visa he will have because 00:10:52.470 --> 00:10:56.409 we can't afford to send him back again. And I 00:10:56.409 --> 00:10:58.490 said, what's holding up the audition? She said, 00:10:58.529 --> 00:11:00.009 well, the birth mother signed off, the birth 00:11:00.009 --> 00:11:01.889 father signed off, the Nepalese government signed 00:11:01.889 --> 00:11:07.029 off. What's the catch? Homeland security. I said, 00:11:07.070 --> 00:11:08.470 look, I've never had a three -year -old, but 00:11:08.470 --> 00:11:11.330 I can't believe he's that big a terrorist. So 00:11:11.330 --> 00:11:15.509 before I could stop myself, Michael, I said exactly 00:11:15.509 --> 00:11:17.700 what my mother would say. I'll see what I can 00:11:17.700 --> 00:11:21.799 do. And I believe there's power in giving voice 00:11:21.799 --> 00:11:24.759 to that. Because as I'm driving home, I'm thinking, 00:11:24.840 --> 00:11:28.620 I'm a comic on Whidbey Island. How do I impact 00:11:28.620 --> 00:11:31.659 international relations or politics? And then 00:11:31.659 --> 00:11:34.120 it occurred to me. There was a guy in Raleigh 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:35.600 that went to junior high school a year or two 00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:37.720 ahead of me named Tom Fetzer. And then he became 00:11:37.720 --> 00:11:39.460 mayor of Raleigh. He was mayor of Raleigh when 00:11:39.460 --> 00:11:41.059 I was there working for the radio station. So 00:11:41.059 --> 00:11:44.679 he got reacquainted to the YMCA. And so Tom... 00:11:44.970 --> 00:11:47.950 is a Republican operative. He worked for Bill 00:11:47.950 --> 00:11:53.409 Good, Strom Thurmond, and Jesse Helms. But the 00:11:53.409 --> 00:11:57.610 thing was that this is during the George W. Bush 00:11:57.610 --> 00:12:00.950 administration. So pretty much everybody in town 00:12:00.950 --> 00:12:03.610 is a Republican. And this woman, Elise, was connected 00:12:03.610 --> 00:12:06.870 with the two senators and the governor in Washington 00:12:06.870 --> 00:12:09.809 State, but they're Democrats. So that was where 00:12:09.809 --> 00:12:14.629 she's getting jammed up. So I called Tom. I said, 00:12:14.669 --> 00:12:17.669 Tom, I told him a story. He said, just as my 00:12:17.669 --> 00:12:19.389 mother would say, I'll see what I can do. Now, 00:12:19.409 --> 00:12:22.750 Tom and I agree on nothing political, nothing. 00:12:23.590 --> 00:12:29.769 But we agree on humans and kids. So Tom said, 00:12:29.850 --> 00:12:31.590 I'll see what I can do. So that was Tuesday. 00:12:31.669 --> 00:12:34.590 On Thursday, I got a call back from him. I said, 00:12:34.590 --> 00:12:37.470 how'd it go? He said, Frank, I called Elizabeth 00:12:37.470 --> 00:12:40.230 Dole, who was a senator in North Carolina at 00:12:40.230 --> 00:12:44.399 that time, Liddy Dole. And I told her the situation. 00:12:44.799 --> 00:12:48.360 And she called Homeland Security. And what happened 00:12:48.360 --> 00:12:51.759 at Homeland Security? And he said, Frank, and 00:12:51.759 --> 00:12:55.679 I'm quoting, I tore him a new asshole, end quote. 00:12:56.340 --> 00:12:59.440 And so the word went out from Washington, D .C. 00:12:59.500 --> 00:13:02.580 in a diplomatic pouch to Nepal to say, cut the 00:13:02.580 --> 00:13:06.960 kid loose. But I don't know. I go back to class 00:13:06.960 --> 00:13:09.139 on Monday morning and Elise is not there. And 00:13:09.139 --> 00:13:12.360 I'm thinking, oh, man, it didn't work. Tuesday, 00:13:12.480 --> 00:13:16.919 no, Elise. I can't believe we got so close. Tuesday, 00:13:17.039 --> 00:13:19.059 I go to the grocery store after class. I'm pushing 00:13:19.059 --> 00:13:21.000 my little buggy. I come around the corner. There 00:13:21.000 --> 00:13:24.779 stands Elise holding the hand of a darling little 00:13:24.779 --> 00:13:28.879 three -year -old child. I'm crying. She's crying. 00:13:29.700 --> 00:13:32.740 His name is Avi. Avi looks me in the eye and 00:13:32.740 --> 00:13:38.179 goes, Avi, go pee. I said, yes, and on American 00:13:38.179 --> 00:13:44.149 soil, I might add. So I don't know if it's possible 00:13:44.149 --> 00:13:46.429 to have that kind of impact on three people's 00:13:46.429 --> 00:13:49.870 lives very often in a lifetime. So if I never 00:13:49.870 --> 00:13:52.929 do anything good again, the fact that I helped 00:13:52.929 --> 00:13:55.549 to bring them together to pull that off across 00:13:55.549 --> 00:13:59.710 the international date line and Tom Fetzer, who 00:13:59.710 --> 00:14:02.629 we agree on nothing politically, but he did it 00:14:02.629 --> 00:14:04.730 because he could do it. I did it because I thought 00:14:04.730 --> 00:14:07.129 I could do it. And Lady Dole apparently likes 00:14:07.129 --> 00:14:12.090 kids and likes Tom. And there we go. You're at 00:14:12.090 --> 00:14:14.570 the right place at the right time. You knew the 00:14:14.570 --> 00:14:17.090 right people. And you never even knew it. And 00:14:17.090 --> 00:14:19.070 I couldn't stop myself from saying, I'll see 00:14:19.070 --> 00:14:21.090 what I can do. Oh, dear God, did I say that out 00:14:21.090 --> 00:14:23.730 loud? Yeah. You know what? It's ingrained in 00:14:23.730 --> 00:14:26.769 your system. Because your first thought is to 00:14:26.769 --> 00:14:30.750 help somebody. Yeah. And so what comes out is 00:14:30.750 --> 00:14:34.250 what your mother said. So it goes a long way. 00:14:34.330 --> 00:14:37.169 It really does. And you can never be faulted 00:14:37.169 --> 00:14:39.669 for doing the right thing. You can be, but. That's 00:14:39.669 --> 00:14:43.330 beside the point. But at least you tried. Except 00:14:43.330 --> 00:14:45.870 this time you tried and something came out of 00:14:45.870 --> 00:14:49.830 it. It's a beautiful thing. It really is. What 00:14:49.830 --> 00:14:52.710 advice do you have for professionals who want 00:14:52.710 --> 00:14:56.029 to build meaningful connections that foster mental 00:14:56.029 --> 00:15:00.490 well -being in their networks? A, what I learned 00:15:00.490 --> 00:15:02.210 from my mom was when you meet someone, don't 00:15:02.210 --> 00:15:04.870 think about what they can do for you. Focus on 00:15:04.870 --> 00:15:07.289 what you can do for them. Because a lot of people 00:15:07.289 --> 00:15:09.389 make that mistake networking. They're passing 00:15:09.389 --> 00:15:11.169 out business cards, they're hustling, they're 00:15:11.169 --> 00:15:12.809 trying to figure out what the person they're 00:15:12.809 --> 00:15:15.830 talking to can do for them. Again, I believe 00:15:15.830 --> 00:15:18.889 you figure out what you can do for them without 00:15:18.889 --> 00:15:21.190 expectation of return. And Zig Ziglar famously 00:15:21.190 --> 00:15:23.350 said something on the order of, help enough people 00:15:23.350 --> 00:15:25.509 get what they want, and there's a good chance 00:15:25.509 --> 00:15:29.909 you'll get what you want. Absolutely. That's 00:15:29.909 --> 00:15:32.490 one of the main things that I talk about when 00:15:32.490 --> 00:15:37.149 I go, when I speak. So you have to go into that 00:15:37.149 --> 00:15:41.110 situation. What can you give? Don't think about 00:15:41.110 --> 00:15:43.690 receiving. When you're meeting with somebody, 00:15:43.970 --> 00:15:47.009 you say, how can I make you more successful? 00:15:47.929 --> 00:15:50.809 Or how can I be a good referral source for you 00:15:50.809 --> 00:15:54.429 without even thinking what I can do for me? So 00:15:54.429 --> 00:15:56.809 that's a very good. So we're right on line with 00:15:56.809 --> 00:15:59.950 the same thing. How did you leverage networking 00:15:59.950 --> 00:16:04.950 to land your TED Talk, and what tips do you have 00:16:04.950 --> 00:16:08.990 for others looking to do the same? I can't swear 00:16:08.990 --> 00:16:12.409 that I used my networking as a leverage to get 00:16:12.409 --> 00:16:16.769 the TEDx. Okay. It's a very simple process. You 00:16:16.769 --> 00:16:19.549 apply, you audition, you get it. And there was 00:16:19.549 --> 00:16:23.409 no one, I didn't have anybody in the TED world 00:16:23.409 --> 00:16:25.870 that I could use, that I could contact and say, 00:16:25.929 --> 00:16:29.220 hey, listen, can you help me? Although I coach 00:16:29.220 --> 00:16:32.559 TEDx. We have a program called the TEDx Launchpad. 00:16:33.100 --> 00:16:36.360 And the first half an hour is always free. Now, 00:16:36.440 --> 00:16:40.440 obviously, I want to sell them the program. But 00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:43.860 oftentimes, we realize very quickly that they 00:16:43.860 --> 00:16:46.179 don't have the money, even to finance it. We 00:16:46.179 --> 00:16:49.860 have financing. But I don't cut the call short 00:16:49.860 --> 00:16:52.620 because they don't have the money. What I do 00:16:52.620 --> 00:16:54.500 is I say, look, here's the deal. You want to 00:16:54.500 --> 00:16:55.860 be a speaker? Yes. You want to do a TEDx? Yes. 00:16:55.960 --> 00:16:58.919 Okay. Here's how you get started very inexpensively. 00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:02.279 Buy Judy Carter's book, The Message of You. Figures 00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:06.460 under 20 bucks. Buy Talk Like Ted by Carmine 00:17:06.460 --> 00:17:09.859 Gallo. It's a great TEDx 101. Again, under 20 00:17:09.859 --> 00:17:11.960 bucks. I can get you started down the path to 00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:13.819 be a professional speaker and have a TEDx talk 00:17:13.819 --> 00:17:19.339 if you just buy those two books. Now, that said, 00:17:19.500 --> 00:17:21.519 when you start putting yourself out as a speaker, 00:17:21.660 --> 00:17:24.390 I would recommend you... If they ask your fee, 00:17:24.490 --> 00:17:26.769 $5 ,000 plus travel. That's a starting point 00:17:26.769 --> 00:17:29.450 nowadays. B, when you're filling out TEDx application, 00:17:29.829 --> 00:17:32.990 pro tip. Some of them say, who do you want to 00:17:32.990 --> 00:17:36.150 nominate? It's a way, I believe, of them cutting 00:17:36.150 --> 00:17:37.750 down the number of people who fill them out because 00:17:37.750 --> 00:17:39.650 you're thinking, who's going to nominate me? 00:17:40.230 --> 00:17:42.390 Here's what they don't tell you. You can nominate 00:17:42.390 --> 00:17:46.690 yourself, which they don't tell you. So I try 00:17:46.690 --> 00:17:49.349 to give them tips and tricks and things for free. 00:17:50.190 --> 00:17:52.670 that will ease, that will speed their journey, 00:17:52.829 --> 00:17:56.190 even though they can't afford. It's obvious they 00:17:56.190 --> 00:17:58.569 can't afford. And I have some other pro tips 00:17:58.569 --> 00:18:00.809 on when you go to audition, make sure you have, 00:18:00.849 --> 00:18:03.130 they're going to go, great idea. Now, what are 00:18:03.130 --> 00:18:04.430 you going to teach the audience? Make sure you 00:18:04.430 --> 00:18:07.009 have learning objectives, you know, figured out. 00:18:07.670 --> 00:18:09.109 And then they're going to ask you, great, what's 00:18:09.109 --> 00:18:10.990 the takeaway? So make sure you have takeaways 00:18:10.990 --> 00:18:13.309 figured out. Because I had a speaker call me 00:18:13.309 --> 00:18:15.710 one day. He'd gotten an audition and got blown 00:18:15.710 --> 00:18:18.009 out. I said, how'd you get blown out? He goes. 00:18:18.380 --> 00:18:20.079 Frank, they asked me for my learning objectives. 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:22.799 What's a learning objective? I'm thinking, how 00:18:22.799 --> 00:18:25.859 long have you been speaking? So yeah, so I give 00:18:25.859 --> 00:18:28.759 them tips that they, for 40 bucks, they can do 00:18:28.759 --> 00:18:32.960 all that on their own and not use me. And it's 00:18:32.960 --> 00:18:37.380 to no benefit of mine. Maybe they might, if somebody 00:18:37.380 --> 00:18:39.500 else, they asked me what they can do for me. 00:18:39.579 --> 00:18:41.759 If somebody says, I want to do a TEDx or I want 00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:43.220 to make money speaking or I want to do both, 00:18:43.259 --> 00:18:48.759 just say, I know a guy. Absolutely. And which 00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:52.319 I happen to have you in my little knapsack also, 00:18:52.420 --> 00:18:55.039 because you're the first name that comes off 00:18:55.039 --> 00:18:58.400 my lips if somebody asks me that question. OK, 00:18:58.519 --> 00:19:03.180 so you're right there. OK, so what's the most 00:19:03.180 --> 00:19:06.539 impactful connection you've made through public 00:19:06.539 --> 00:19:11.220 speaking and how did it change your career? The 00:19:11.220 --> 00:19:15.019 most impactful was personally was the one I told 00:19:15.019 --> 00:19:20.980 you. Oh, I know. I took a class, an eight hour 00:19:20.980 --> 00:19:23.940 class on mental health, no, suicide prevention 00:19:23.940 --> 00:19:27.000 in the workplace from Dr. Sally Spencer Thomas. 00:19:27.859 --> 00:19:31.339 And she lost her brother to suicide. And she's 00:19:31.339 --> 00:19:35.079 a psychologist. And she is big deal. She's a 00:19:35.079 --> 00:19:36.839 big deal in the world of suicide prevention. 00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:41.059 And she has a friend named Sarah Gare, who's 00:19:41.059 --> 00:19:43.640 a therapist who teaches suicide prevention to 00:19:43.640 --> 00:19:46.589 first responders. So they're friends. I didn't 00:19:46.589 --> 00:19:50.349 know Sarah, but I met Sally. I did the class. 00:19:50.970 --> 00:19:53.690 She had a fundraiser. I'm an auctioneer as well. 00:19:53.809 --> 00:19:56.650 So I just charged her for my travel and I went 00:19:56.650 --> 00:19:59.730 and did the auction. It was in an airplane hangar 00:19:59.730 --> 00:20:02.410 in Colorado in the summer. I was sweating like 00:20:02.410 --> 00:20:04.549 George Bush at a spelling bee. It was horrible. 00:20:05.529 --> 00:20:11.069 I did it for travel. So Sarah teaches first responders 00:20:11.069 --> 00:20:15.420 about suicide prevention. Most of them are men. 00:20:16.920 --> 00:20:19.660 She wanted to buy a book on men's mental health 00:20:19.660 --> 00:20:22.740 for one of her students. She went to Barnes & 00:20:22.740 --> 00:20:25.819 Noble, brick -and -mortar store, nothing. Amazon, 00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:30.480 nothing. She thought, there's a vacuum. So she 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:34.519 contacted Sally, said, I've got an idea. So Sally 00:20:34.519 --> 00:20:37.839 thought it was a great idea. They contacted me, 00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.380 because Sally knew me. She said, Frank, listen, 00:20:40.460 --> 00:20:43.779 here's your idea. And we want to make it funny. 00:20:43.859 --> 00:20:47.099 Would you make the book funny? I said, wait a 00:20:47.099 --> 00:20:49.460 minute. You two ladies are writing a book on 00:20:49.460 --> 00:20:51.319 men's mental health. Don't you think you might 00:20:51.319 --> 00:20:53.700 need a co -author who is, I don't know, a man? 00:20:54.279 --> 00:20:58.039 I said, here's the deal. I'll make it funny. 00:20:58.440 --> 00:21:03.140 If I can be a co -author and I can record the 00:21:03.140 --> 00:21:06.680 books for Audible, narrate them. So no money 00:21:06.680 --> 00:21:10.200 for me besides a third of whatever profit we... 00:21:10.490 --> 00:21:13.609 make on the books. And I haven't seen a dime 00:21:13.609 --> 00:21:16.109 yet. And that was years ago, but that was the 00:21:16.109 --> 00:21:18.829 best connection because Sally and Sarah are, 00:21:18.849 --> 00:21:21.809 and I helped Sarah get a TEDx talk. Two of them, 00:21:21.809 --> 00:21:24.210 as a matter of fact, didn't charge her a dime. 00:21:25.269 --> 00:21:28.809 So it's, and Sally already had a TEDx. So I wasn't 00:21:28.809 --> 00:21:31.210 able to, but that, that probably right there. 00:21:31.289 --> 00:21:34.509 And by the way, I have never seen a psychologist, 00:21:34.589 --> 00:21:36.849 psychiatrist or therapist. I'd never been officially 00:21:36.849 --> 00:21:40.000 diagnosed until. We were working on book one 00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:42.900 and I described my symptoms to Sally and Sarah. 00:21:43.059 --> 00:21:45.299 And they said, you have major depressive disorder 00:21:45.299 --> 00:21:48.740 and chronic suicidal ideation. So they diagnosed 00:21:48.740 --> 00:21:51.839 me and they were absolutely right. But again, 00:21:51.960 --> 00:21:54.480 I took Sally's class. I did the auctioneering 00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:57.480 for travel with no expectation of anything else. 00:21:57.559 --> 00:21:58.940 And lo and behold, they called me. And now it 00:21:58.940 --> 00:22:01.920 was going to be one book, an anthology, 12 guys. 00:22:02.039 --> 00:22:04.680 Each one has a problem. Life's good. Life's bad. 00:22:04.779 --> 00:22:07.359 Here's how I'm coping. And we figured if we get 00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:10.039 12 guys to be honest about their issues, we'd 00:22:10.039 --> 00:22:13.920 be lucky. We got 60 guys. So it became four books. 00:22:14.119 --> 00:22:17.039 So I am a best -selling author on Amazon four 00:22:17.039 --> 00:22:19.740 times over. Now, I was the best -selling author 00:22:19.740 --> 00:22:23.180 on the day they went up. It didn't last very 00:22:23.180 --> 00:22:25.180 long. Somebody said to me, how long are you going 00:22:25.180 --> 00:22:27.680 to call yourself a best -selling author? Until 00:22:27.680 --> 00:22:33.420 the day I die. That's right. Because I am. I 00:22:33.420 --> 00:22:36.670 have four best -selling. books on Amazon, thanks 00:22:36.670 --> 00:22:40.390 to networking with Sally with Sarah. And that's 00:22:40.390 --> 00:22:43.809 probably the most impactful. Outstanding. Outstanding. 00:22:44.170 --> 00:22:47.509 Okay, let's move the needle a little bit. How 00:22:47.509 --> 00:22:50.769 does humor help break down barriers and create 00:22:50.769 --> 00:22:55.549 stronger connections in professional? It's not 00:22:55.549 --> 00:22:59.009 just professional events. Pretty much anywhere. 00:22:59.369 --> 00:23:05.819 It's disarming. And it's To make people laugh, 00:23:06.180 --> 00:23:10.980 you have to make a connection. They have to be 00:23:10.980 --> 00:23:15.460 seeing the world the way you see it to make them 00:23:15.460 --> 00:23:23.940 laugh. And it brings down barriers. Laughing 00:23:23.940 --> 00:23:29.259 is an unguarded moment. And so whether it's in 00:23:29.259 --> 00:23:31.660 a social situation or a business situation or 00:23:31.660 --> 00:23:35.519 a comedy club. if you can make them laugh and 00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:41.220 it's a gift. I believe I was born funny and funny 00:23:41.220 --> 00:23:42.480 thing happened all the way down the birth canal. 00:23:43.000 --> 00:23:48.240 And so it's, it greases the wheels of interaction 00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:52.660 with other humans. They automatically see you 00:23:52.660 --> 00:23:55.640 differently than they did the moment before. 00:23:56.359 --> 00:23:59.039 I'm in the airport. There's a mechanical problem, 00:23:59.079 --> 00:24:02.619 a delay. Everybody at the gate is cranky. They're 00:24:02.619 --> 00:24:05.019 upset. They're going to miss the wedding or whatever. 00:24:06.000 --> 00:24:09.240 And so, grumble, I'm standing under television. 00:24:09.420 --> 00:24:13.180 And on the television above me is CNN. And pretty 00:24:13.180 --> 00:24:16.519 much everybody can hear the broadcaster. And 00:24:16.519 --> 00:24:19.839 the guy standing next to me goes, hey, how do 00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:23.240 we get this TV turned to Fox News? And I said, 00:24:23.279 --> 00:24:28.039 you kill me first. Everybody in the gate is laughing. 00:24:28.279 --> 00:24:30.819 They're still upset the play's not leaving, but 00:24:30.819 --> 00:24:33.839 it changed the mood of the gate like that. And 00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:37.900 now, oh, and when I came to Eugene, I knew one 00:24:37.900 --> 00:24:41.240 person. It was the woman I bought insurance from 00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:45.420 on the rental house we owned in Eugene. So I 00:24:45.420 --> 00:24:46.940 called her and she goes, Frank, you need to go 00:24:46.940 --> 00:24:49.920 to this, they call it greeters. It's a sub, it's 00:24:49.920 --> 00:24:53.410 a committee of the chamber, greeters. You need 00:24:53.410 --> 00:24:55.170 to go to greet. My husband's big in greeters. 00:24:55.210 --> 00:24:58.170 He'll hold your hand. And so they meet in the 00:24:58.170 --> 00:25:01.609 morning for breakfast. And her husband introduced 00:25:01.609 --> 00:25:04.049 me around and we're all sitting there. And just 00:25:04.049 --> 00:25:06.869 by chance, the person who was supposed to speak, 00:25:06.930 --> 00:25:08.309 because they always have a speaker at the meeting, 00:25:08.410 --> 00:25:11.710 didn't show up. So I said, how about some comedy? 00:25:13.089 --> 00:25:16.150 And Kelly, who was the co -chair of the committee 00:25:16.150 --> 00:25:19.789 at the time, told me later, I'm thinking to myself, 00:25:20.230 --> 00:25:23.339 okay, it's Springfield, Oregon. How funny can 00:25:23.339 --> 00:25:29.220 he be? So they let me get up on a chair. So I 00:25:29.220 --> 00:25:31.539 did a theater round. And I've been doing comedy 00:25:31.539 --> 00:25:36.619 by this point for, I don't know, 25 years. And 00:25:36.619 --> 00:25:39.920 when I've been listening, which I think is important 00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:42.539 in networking, I've been listening to, as people, 00:25:42.660 --> 00:25:43.960 you go around the room and introduce themselves. 00:25:44.099 --> 00:25:45.680 They give their name, the name of the business, 00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:48.079 their tagline. So I knew there was a mortician 00:25:48.079 --> 00:25:50.240 there, a travel agent there, and several other 00:25:50.240 --> 00:25:53.339 occupations. And I had jokes for each one in 00:25:53.339 --> 00:25:57.220 my repertoire. So I stood up and I did 15 minutes, 00:25:57.279 --> 00:26:04.319 20 minutes of just, and they're going nuts. So 00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:08.339 from not knowing anyone, all of a sudden, every 00:26:08.339 --> 00:26:10.880 one of those 60 people at the meeting knows who 00:26:10.880 --> 00:26:14.420 I am and that I'm funny. Well, get this, the 00:26:14.420 --> 00:26:17.099 next week, the same thing happened. The speaker 00:26:17.099 --> 00:26:19.740 didn't show. So I said, how about some comedy? 00:26:19.900 --> 00:26:22.660 And Kelly said, we could do comedy or give 10 00:26:22.660 --> 00:26:24.759 people members two minutes each to talk about 00:26:24.759 --> 00:26:26.140 their business. What do you guys want to do? 00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:29.759 And they all screamed comedy. I got up again. 00:26:33.079 --> 00:26:37.019 And that's how I became known in Springfield 00:26:37.019 --> 00:26:42.920 with all those business people instantly. Comedy 00:26:42.920 --> 00:26:46.660 always seems to work the best. I, too, believe 00:26:46.660 --> 00:26:50.119 in comedy. I sprinkle it into whatever talks 00:26:50.119 --> 00:26:53.720 that I have because it keeps everybody involved. 00:26:54.099 --> 00:26:56.720 You have everybody's attention. That's just one 00:26:56.720 --> 00:26:59.839 of the ways. But I truly believe it's very important. 00:27:00.220 --> 00:27:03.920 What business professionals learn from comedians 00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:07.940 about building rapport and engaging in the audience 00:27:07.940 --> 00:27:12.140 and audience? In comedy. A, you have to read 00:27:12.140 --> 00:27:17.720 the room. Absolutely. During the recession, all 00:27:17.720 --> 00:27:20.900 my bucket list was being a police officer. I 00:27:20.900 --> 00:27:23.839 was 52 years old. And I thought I was too old. 00:27:23.880 --> 00:27:25.640 But I met somebody in one of the departments 00:27:25.640 --> 00:27:28.259 who said, Frank, there's no age limit. They can't 00:27:28.259 --> 00:27:31.839 do that. You pass the law enforcement physical 00:27:31.839 --> 00:27:33.980 fitness test, they have to at least consider 00:27:33.980 --> 00:27:38.259 you for hire. So I started training. And I applied 00:27:38.259 --> 00:27:41.019 with 12 different departments. And I passed the 00:27:41.019 --> 00:27:42.880 physical fitness test four times. Oldest person 00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:45.660 in the state of Washington ever passed. And at 00:27:45.660 --> 00:27:49.380 one of the oral boards, they said, look, what's 00:27:49.380 --> 00:27:51.400 the connection between comedy and being a police 00:27:51.400 --> 00:27:53.180 officer? And I said, we're both paid observers. 00:27:54.140 --> 00:27:57.000 A comedian has to read the room. Police officers, 00:27:57.039 --> 00:27:59.460 they pull up on a scene. Maybe it's like a gathering 00:27:59.460 --> 00:28:03.059 at an intersection. They have to take the temperature 00:28:03.059 --> 00:28:09.690 of the situation. And I said, as in comedy. In 00:28:09.690 --> 00:28:14.049 police work, whatever you say first can either, 00:28:14.150 --> 00:28:16.190 in police work especially, either escalate the 00:28:16.190 --> 00:28:19.829 problem or de -escalate the problem. So a comic 00:28:19.829 --> 00:28:22.089 will know, will read the room, read the intersection, 00:28:22.390 --> 00:28:25.710 and probably figure out who's in charge of this, 00:28:25.789 --> 00:28:28.029 who are the leaders of this thing, and then what 00:28:28.029 --> 00:28:34.769 they need to say first to de -escalate. So in 00:28:34.769 --> 00:28:38.039 comedy, you've got about, I don't know, 30 seconds, 00:28:38.140 --> 00:28:42.359 a minute to get their attention and make them 00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:44.059 comfortable with the fact that you're funny. 00:28:46.039 --> 00:28:49.519 When I do ships, stand -up comedy on ships, the 00:28:49.519 --> 00:28:52.940 first 10 minutes, I do my bullets, my A material. 00:28:53.559 --> 00:28:56.480 I tell speakers in comics, open with a 10. Anything 00:28:56.480 --> 00:28:59.019 that's a 10, open with it. Anything that's a 00:28:59.019 --> 00:29:02.160 10, close with it. In between those, that's where 00:29:02.160 --> 00:29:05.900 all the 6, 7, 8, 5, 6, 7, 8 pieces of business 00:29:05.900 --> 00:29:08.500 go. You need to open strong and close strong. 00:29:08.700 --> 00:29:10.480 So I do 10 minutes, and then I do what they call 00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:12.180 audience work. I go to the audience. I've made 00:29:12.180 --> 00:29:14.619 the audience comfortable. They know I'm funny. 00:29:14.799 --> 00:29:16.460 They know I'm not talking to them just because 00:29:16.460 --> 00:29:20.700 I got nothing else to say. So I think you need 00:29:20.700 --> 00:29:23.680 to focus on that opening. And a friend of mine 00:29:23.680 --> 00:29:26.140 wrote a book. It's called Finding the Funny Fast. 00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:28.720 And it's not for comics. It's for people who 00:29:28.720 --> 00:29:31.240 find themselves at a podium or rostrum, and they 00:29:31.240 --> 00:29:35.359 have to speak. And her idea is that you need 00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:40.220 to... take in the environment and say something 00:29:40.220 --> 00:29:43.480 funny based on the environment. For example, 00:29:43.660 --> 00:29:47.259 when I'm in Vegas, oftentimes it seems like the 00:29:47.259 --> 00:29:49.500 conference room I'm working in is miles from 00:29:49.500 --> 00:29:53.660 my, you know, my hotel room. So I get up there 00:29:53.660 --> 00:29:55.900 and go, look, I'm sorry I'm a little late. I 00:29:55.900 --> 00:29:58.700 don't know about you guys, but my room is long 00:29:58.700 --> 00:30:00.359 way from here. I'll tell you how long it is. 00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:02.779 I got rolling luggage. I had to stop and rotate 00:30:02.779 --> 00:30:06.019 the tires. Now, they've all experienced that. 00:30:06.200 --> 00:30:09.279 They're all probably far away from, or there's 00:30:09.279 --> 00:30:12.140 a little bottle of water in the room, and it's 00:30:12.140 --> 00:30:16.319 five bucks for 10 ounces. So I go, you guys have 00:30:16.319 --> 00:30:19.380 a bottle of water in your room? It's five bucks. 00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:21.460 You know what that means? Here in Las Vegas, 00:30:21.539 --> 00:30:23.759 it's actually cheaper to drink the gasoline. 00:30:25.460 --> 00:30:28.599 Again, what you're looking for is commonality, 00:30:28.660 --> 00:30:32.200 relatability. You want to relate to the audience, 00:30:32.420 --> 00:30:34.720 something that they can wrap their minds around, 00:30:34.779 --> 00:30:36.420 something that hopefully they've experienced. 00:30:37.140 --> 00:30:39.640 And again, it brings those barriers down. I guess 00:30:39.640 --> 00:30:41.799 the bottom line is you got about 60 seconds as 00:30:41.799 --> 00:30:44.339 a comic and as a speaker to get their attention. 00:30:45.119 --> 00:30:47.240 And because they've invested their time, they 00:30:47.240 --> 00:30:49.519 want you to be good, but they want to know that 00:30:49.519 --> 00:30:53.500 right away. Good, good. And you're speaking right 00:30:53.500 --> 00:30:56.920 along the same lines as when I talk. I'm thinking 00:30:56.920 --> 00:31:00.900 about my... talks and the way that you're describing 00:31:00.900 --> 00:31:04.539 it. And I'm just about there, but I'm already 00:31:04.539 --> 00:31:06.480 thinking about how I'm going to rearrange things 00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:09.900 because of what you just said. But that's for 00:31:09.900 --> 00:31:13.259 a story for another day. What's the best networking 00:31:13.259 --> 00:31:16.740 lesson you've learned from your journey in comedy, 00:31:17.039 --> 00:31:22.259 the speaking, and suicide prevention? I think 00:31:22.259 --> 00:31:24.640 it's a lesson that I already knew, that giving 00:31:24.640 --> 00:31:27.359 value first without expectation of return. And 00:31:27.359 --> 00:31:28.960 figuring out what you can do for somebody when 00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:30.460 you meet them, not worry about what they can 00:31:30.460 --> 00:31:34.299 do for you. And a friend of mine who sells radio 00:31:34.299 --> 00:31:37.059 in this town, I sold radio one summer for a cumulus 00:31:37.059 --> 00:31:40.700 cluster of stations. Somebody had asked her, 00:31:40.819 --> 00:31:43.880 somebody new at their station in sales, asked 00:31:43.880 --> 00:31:48.220 her about how to succeed in sales. And she said, 00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:52.160 don't sell anything for the first three months. 00:31:52.819 --> 00:31:56.500 Just show up. In other words, just go to the, 00:31:57.099 --> 00:31:59.420 Springfield Chamber meeting, the Eugene Chamber 00:31:59.420 --> 00:32:02.140 meeting, the Eugene Chamber after hours. Just 00:32:02.140 --> 00:32:05.519 keep showing up, not selling a thing. Just have 00:32:05.519 --> 00:32:10.299 a presence in the community for three months. 00:32:10.359 --> 00:32:13.019 Don't sell a thing. Don't pitch anything. Just 00:32:13.019 --> 00:32:17.079 show up. And I think that's good advice. I think 00:32:17.079 --> 00:32:19.680 they're young. They're excited. They want to 00:32:19.680 --> 00:32:25.220 make the sales and whatever. And listen. When 00:32:25.220 --> 00:32:31.029 I sold radio, The average salesperson in the 00:32:31.029 --> 00:32:35.309 company had a 20 % close rate. My close rate 00:32:35.309 --> 00:32:42.009 when they fired me was 94%. Because what I did 00:32:42.009 --> 00:32:45.349 was, which most radio people don't do, I took 00:32:45.349 --> 00:32:48.769 what they call a spec spot out to every closing 00:32:48.769 --> 00:32:50.750 appointment. In other words, I actually wrote, 00:32:50.869 --> 00:32:55.730 produced, and voiced a commercial for that client. 00:32:56.319 --> 00:33:00.660 And the way I did that was when I met the client, 00:33:00.740 --> 00:33:03.740 I listened. Oftentimes they would tell me exactly 00:33:03.740 --> 00:33:06.920 what should be in that ad. I went to another 00:33:06.920 --> 00:33:09.940 repair shop. Guy's name is Bob. Still friends 00:33:09.940 --> 00:33:13.299 to this day. I go, Bob, tell me about the repair 00:33:13.299 --> 00:33:15.960 shop. They said, we're not the home of the 1999 00:33:15.960 --> 00:33:20.920 oil change. Hold on. Which in radio, they call 00:33:20.920 --> 00:33:23.140 a disqualifier. You want to disqualify the people 00:33:23.140 --> 00:33:24.700 you don't want to come. You want to qualify the 00:33:24.700 --> 00:33:26.650 people you want. I go, what are you the home 00:33:26.650 --> 00:33:32.190 of? We're the home of the 24 ,000 mile, 24 month, 00:33:32.369 --> 00:33:37.150 24 ,000 mile nationwide warranty. Hold on. So 00:33:37.150 --> 00:33:41.930 that's how I wrote. They wrote the ads for me. 00:33:42.430 --> 00:33:44.710 One of them was a construction company that did 00:33:44.710 --> 00:33:48.450 remodels, kitchen and bath. And their thing was, 00:33:48.589 --> 00:33:51.410 look, if you're looking for, hang on, there's 00:33:51.410 --> 00:33:53.490 a cat down here. We have six cats and this one 00:33:53.490 --> 00:33:55.960 wants to come up. Hold on. Honey, I'm working. 00:33:56.119 --> 00:34:01.319 Come here. Pardon me. I've got to get a hold 00:34:01.319 --> 00:34:03.880 of the table. Okay, there you go. Here we go. 00:34:04.660 --> 00:34:09.780 Yep. So they did remodeling, and their thing 00:34:09.780 --> 00:34:11.920 was, if you're looking for three bids like your 00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:16.780 dad told you to do, that's not. Their thing was, 00:34:16.880 --> 00:34:18.840 you bring us a budget and a dream, and we'll 00:34:18.840 --> 00:34:22.590 make it work. So the spot I wrote was... They're 00:34:22.590 --> 00:34:26.110 the one client that didn't buy from me. And I 00:34:26.110 --> 00:34:29.630 wrote some Cracker Jack spots for them. One of 00:34:29.630 --> 00:34:33.309 which was, bring whatever the name of the construction 00:34:33.309 --> 00:34:36.469 company was. Yeah, what can I do for you? I'm 00:34:36.469 --> 00:34:39.889 looking for three bids. Click. And you can hear 00:34:39.889 --> 00:34:41.989 the click in the commercial. And then the phone 00:34:41.989 --> 00:34:43.449 rings again. You can hear the guy pick it up 00:34:43.449 --> 00:34:45.170 in the commercial. Yeah, hello, what can I do 00:34:45.170 --> 00:34:47.420 for you? Oh, we got cut off. I'm looking for 00:34:47.420 --> 00:34:49.800 three bids. We didn't get cut off. We don't do 00:34:49.800 --> 00:34:55.320 that. Click. It was hysterical. And they didn't 00:34:55.320 --> 00:34:59.340 buy it. But the point is, they wrote it for me. 00:34:59.460 --> 00:35:03.679 All I had to do was take dictation. So I would 00:35:03.679 --> 00:35:06.619 say in networking, listening is much more important 00:35:06.619 --> 00:35:09.980 than talking. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. 00:35:10.460 --> 00:35:13.659 I couldn't agree more. How do you approach networking 00:35:13.659 --> 00:35:18.059 in high stakes or emotionally challenging environments? 00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:24.320 Comic. Here's your answer. I come in wearing 00:35:24.320 --> 00:35:28.559 Kevlar and heavily armed. And again, it's like 00:35:28.559 --> 00:35:31.159 that thing at the airport where I was just waiting 00:35:31.159 --> 00:35:34.000 for an opening to break the tension. And the 00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:36.480 guy couldn't have been better opening. It was 00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:39.320 perfect. People say things, and if you're listening 00:35:39.320 --> 00:35:42.289 carefully, again, listening. I thought for the 00:35:42.289 --> 00:35:44.130 longest time, Michael, that everybody thought 00:35:44.130 --> 00:35:47.329 the way I did. That they all, when something 00:35:47.329 --> 00:35:50.150 happened, they saw the punchline and I was just 00:35:50.150 --> 00:35:53.250 beating everybody to the punch. So one day at 00:35:53.250 --> 00:35:55.250 the grocery store, I decided to give it a road 00:35:55.250 --> 00:35:57.750 test, if that was true. I don't know if you ever 00:35:57.750 --> 00:35:59.570 do this, but I like to look at the things that 00:35:59.570 --> 00:36:01.210 people in front of me are buying and people behind 00:36:01.210 --> 00:36:03.289 me are buying on the belt. It's a guilty pleasure. 00:36:04.090 --> 00:36:09.349 And so the guy in front of me, he had a bag of 00:36:09.349 --> 00:36:13.679 frozen shrimp. a quart of motor oil now it just 00:36:13.679 --> 00:36:16.059 so happened it was back in the day when that 00:36:16.059 --> 00:36:18.440 oil well blew up in the gulf of mexico remember 00:36:18.440 --> 00:36:20.960 that hundreds of thousands oh yeah yeah the oil 00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:25.460 so i'm looking at shrimp in that oil and i know 00:36:25.460 --> 00:36:27.519 what the punch line is but i decided i'm just 00:36:27.519 --> 00:36:30.480 gonna wait and see if anybody else the cashier 00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:35.480 that guy the guy behind me i waited nothing so 00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:38.119 i said dude that's an interesting purchase there 00:36:38.119 --> 00:36:41.860 that's frozen shrimp and Motor oil. Are you going 00:36:41.860 --> 00:36:45.920 to serve those Louisiana style? The cashier bends 00:36:45.920 --> 00:36:49.380 over double. And when she gets back up, she goes, 00:36:49.420 --> 00:36:52.059 you should be a comedian. I get that a lot. So 00:36:52.059 --> 00:36:55.880 I realized, Michael, that not everybody thinks 00:36:55.880 --> 00:36:59.699 that way. Comedy is a great, it's an icebreaker. 00:36:59.960 --> 00:37:03.920 It levels the playing field. People all of a 00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:06.860 sudden are taking you. You know, they see you. 00:37:07.320 --> 00:37:13.199 Is there just a blur? Absolutely. Yeah. It's 00:37:13.199 --> 00:37:16.400 the best icebreaker. It's the best tension breaker. 00:37:16.840 --> 00:37:21.380 It's good in many different facets. But I am 00:37:21.380 --> 00:37:25.460 a true believer in the comedian because you wear 00:37:25.460 --> 00:37:28.900 all sorts of hats. You can diffuse many problems 00:37:28.900 --> 00:37:31.840 without even diffusing the problem. You can just 00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:35.880 be yourself. And you can find funny things in 00:37:35.880 --> 00:37:38.159 just about everything. Just about everything. 00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:40.780 And I think if you combine comedy and empathy, 00:37:41.300 --> 00:37:46.199 I read a book called The Like Factor. The Like 00:37:46.199 --> 00:37:49.380 Factor. And one of the things he said was, you 00:37:49.380 --> 00:37:51.679 should always open an email, especially if you're 00:37:51.679 --> 00:37:53.619 going to be turning somebody down or saying something 00:37:53.619 --> 00:37:56.500 that they don't want to hear. Open it with an 00:37:56.500 --> 00:38:00.239 empathetic statement. Listen, I understand how 00:38:00.239 --> 00:38:02.980 busy you are. I get that. And then go into whatever 00:38:02.980 --> 00:38:06.559 it is. Or I understand your point of view. You 00:38:06.559 --> 00:38:09.260 can also do that in real life. And he said, here's 00:38:09.260 --> 00:38:11.539 an example. And this has happened to me many 00:38:11.539 --> 00:38:14.000 times. I'm standing at the rental car counter 00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:16.460 behind somebody. And the guy in front of me is 00:38:16.460 --> 00:38:20.980 just raking the poor rental agent over the coals. 00:38:21.860 --> 00:38:24.690 And so... He said, in that case, what you do 00:38:24.690 --> 00:38:26.889 is you need to let them know, the rental agent 00:38:26.889 --> 00:38:30.210 know, you saw what happened, you understand what 00:38:30.210 --> 00:38:32.710 happened, and you're sympathizing or empathizing. 00:38:33.510 --> 00:38:35.809 So the way I do it is, the guy's screaming and 00:38:35.809 --> 00:38:37.590 yelling at the poor agent behind the counter. 00:38:37.809 --> 00:38:42.389 They stomp off. And I walk up and I go, hey, 00:38:42.409 --> 00:38:43.909 listen up. I've got a car rental named Frank 00:38:43.909 --> 00:38:46.190 King. Here's my driver's license. And I go, listen, 00:38:46.250 --> 00:38:48.829 I just got one question for you. At what point 00:38:48.829 --> 00:38:51.710 during this traction, this transaction, do I 00:38:51.710 --> 00:38:55.150 get to yell at you? Now they're laughing. They 00:38:55.150 --> 00:38:57.949 know I know what just happened. I took note of 00:38:57.949 --> 00:39:02.550 it and I made them laugh. So if you combine empathy 00:39:02.550 --> 00:39:07.269 and humor like that, where you're being empathetic, 00:39:07.269 --> 00:39:11.590 but you're also being funny in the process, then 00:39:11.590 --> 00:39:16.170 I think that's very powerful. Yeah, I still say 00:39:16.170 --> 00:39:20.849 you can find funny things or comedic value in 00:39:20.849 --> 00:39:24.719 just about everything. do or it happens or but 00:39:24.719 --> 00:39:26.480 you have to make the decision whether you say 00:39:26.480 --> 00:39:31.000 something about it or not because i always see 00:39:31.000 --> 00:39:34.800 the comic the comedic value and so i find comedy 00:39:34.800 --> 00:39:37.420 in just about everything my wife tells me to 00:39:37.420 --> 00:39:41.539 shut up all the time okay so i know i know the 00:39:41.539 --> 00:39:44.079 feeling i know the feeling but it's what you 00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:48.079 have to put up and by the way what oftentimes 00:39:48.079 --> 00:39:51.039 when i do that i get the upgrade on the automobile 00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:55.159 Or the upgrade to the Economy Plus seat on the 00:39:55.159 --> 00:40:01.699 plane. I remember I'd done that, and the woman 00:40:01.699 --> 00:40:05.860 handed me keys, and it was a Spyder. I can't 00:40:05.860 --> 00:40:07.519 remember what company makes the Spyder. It was 00:40:07.519 --> 00:40:11.619 a Spyder convertible. Okay. It's sheet metal 00:40:11.619 --> 00:40:15.460 and an eight -cylinder engine. It's dangerous. 00:40:15.980 --> 00:40:21.760 But it was not a midsize basic. I go. This spider 00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:29.860 is a midsize. She goes, it is today. Yep. Yep. 00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:34.119 Always. I would say almost always works out in 00:40:34.119 --> 00:40:37.599 your favor. Yeah. Almost always. All right. Can 00:40:37.599 --> 00:40:39.980 you share a story where a simple conversation 00:40:39.980 --> 00:40:44.760 or connection led to an unexpected opportunity? 00:40:47.159 --> 00:40:51.500 I think the key there. networking key is again 00:40:51.500 --> 00:40:54.599 is it make it about them ask leading questions 00:40:54.599 --> 00:40:58.019 because it may appear at first that there's nothing 00:40:58.019 --> 00:41:00.219 you can do for them but if you ask leading questions 00:41:00.219 --> 00:41:03.739 i'll give you an example when i'm on a plane 00:41:03.739 --> 00:41:05.480 and i'm sitting next to somebody and we're going 00:41:05.480 --> 00:41:08.039 to have a conversation i ask leading questions 00:41:08.039 --> 00:41:12.079 through the flight never talk about myself what 00:41:12.079 --> 00:41:15.539 i do why i'm there and oftentimes at the end 00:41:15.539 --> 00:41:18.409 as we're coming in for a landing They go, you 00:41:18.409 --> 00:41:21.090 never said what you did. I said, I'm a comedian. 00:41:21.809 --> 00:41:24.110 You're not that funny. I said, I'm off the clock. 00:41:24.210 --> 00:41:28.070 Get your checkbook out. We'll yuck it up. One 00:41:28.070 --> 00:41:31.650 of the leading questions I ask is, and this surprise 00:41:31.650 --> 00:41:35.090 comes at the end. The leading questions I ask 00:41:35.090 --> 00:41:38.409 is, if you ask a question about how somebody 00:41:38.409 --> 00:41:41.710 feels about something, I believe is a powerful 00:41:41.710 --> 00:41:45.570 question. If you ask about their emotional. or 00:41:45.570 --> 00:41:47.130 whatever it is you're asking about. And one of 00:41:47.130 --> 00:41:48.750 the questions, I've got to grab the cat again. 00:41:49.010 --> 00:41:52.710 It's like she forgot she was up here. I ask, 00:41:52.829 --> 00:41:56.329 what do you do for a living? And I'm an attorney. 00:41:57.449 --> 00:42:00.349 And I go, do you enjoy that? And if there's a 00:42:00.349 --> 00:42:04.170 pause, Michael, yeah, then I know they don't. 00:42:04.869 --> 00:42:06.730 So the woman sitting next to me, I said, what 00:42:06.730 --> 00:42:09.010 do you do for a living? She goes, I set up booths 00:42:09.010 --> 00:42:12.409 at exhibit halls for conferences. I said, do 00:42:12.409 --> 00:42:16.699 you like that? Pause. Yeah, it's not a bad job. 00:42:17.420 --> 00:42:20.300 I go, here's the deal. What if I could wave a 00:42:20.300 --> 00:42:23.320 magic wand and you could do anything you wanted? 00:42:23.519 --> 00:42:26.179 I said, did your husband have a job? Good pay? 00:42:26.320 --> 00:42:29.840 Yeah. If you quit tomorrow, would you guys survive? 00:42:30.039 --> 00:42:32.619 Yeah. So if I could wave a magic wand, you could 00:42:32.619 --> 00:42:35.119 make money doing anything you want to do. What 00:42:35.119 --> 00:42:36.900 would it be? And I can't remember what she said. 00:42:37.059 --> 00:42:41.519 However, a year later, I got an email. Frank, 00:42:41.559 --> 00:42:43.099 I sat next to you on a flight to wherever it 00:42:43.099 --> 00:42:45.960 was. And you ask me, what would I do if I could 00:42:45.960 --> 00:42:49.940 do anything for a living? And she goes, I'm doing 00:42:49.940 --> 00:42:57.159 it. So by just asking leading questions and especially 00:42:57.159 --> 00:43:00.980 ones that evoke an emotion, how do you feel about 00:43:00.980 --> 00:43:03.840 that? Do you enjoy that? And that was a surprise. 00:43:04.179 --> 00:43:07.599 I flew next to a pilot once. He was the head 00:43:07.599 --> 00:43:09.380 pilot for United Airlines or one of those. There 00:43:09.380 --> 00:43:11.820 were two airlines merging. So they had two head 00:43:11.820 --> 00:43:15.019 pilots. So somebody's going to lose a job. He's 00:43:15.019 --> 00:43:16.599 on his way to Dallas to find out whether he was 00:43:16.599 --> 00:43:19.619 going to take the job or not. Gets a job. I go, 00:43:19.659 --> 00:43:21.940 man, what if the worst happens? And they blow 00:43:21.940 --> 00:43:24.039 you out and they pick the other guy. If you could 00:43:24.039 --> 00:43:26.559 do anything in the world you wanted, rather than 00:43:26.559 --> 00:43:28.460 being the head pilot for United, what would it 00:43:28.460 --> 00:43:34.260 be? Sous -chef. What? He'd been a sous -chef 00:43:34.260 --> 00:43:41.599 in college and he'd... That was a surprise. And 00:43:41.599 --> 00:43:43.260 by the way, Michael, I just realized I've got 00:43:43.260 --> 00:43:45.139 a Zoom starting two minutes ago. Do you have 00:43:45.139 --> 00:43:47.760 another question before we go? You know what? 00:43:47.820 --> 00:43:50.619 I do. But you know what? Let me just close it 00:43:50.619 --> 00:43:52.300 up by saying I can talk to you for another two 00:43:52.300 --> 00:43:57.940 hours. OK, that goes without saying. But if somebody 00:43:57.940 --> 00:44:00.300 wants to get hold of you, Frank, what's the best 00:44:00.300 --> 00:44:04.500 way that they can do it? Oh, that's easy. MentalHealthComedian 00:44:04.500 --> 00:44:07.900 .com. MentalHealthComedian .com. That's my brand. 00:44:07.940 --> 00:44:10.719 That's my website. All the information is there, 00:44:10.800 --> 00:44:14.360 email, phone number, calendar link. Beautiful, 00:44:14.480 --> 00:44:16.039 Frank. Frank, I don't want to keep you from your 00:44:16.039 --> 00:44:19.579 next Zoom meeting, but I had a great time talking 00:44:19.579 --> 00:44:22.320 to you, and I'm going to keep you in mind in 00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:25.519 case anybody needs that kind of help. I'm telling 00:44:25.519 --> 00:44:28.239 you, I'm going to send them your way. Well, and 00:44:28.239 --> 00:44:30.679 may I close out the podcast the way a comic would 00:44:30.679 --> 00:44:34.599 do it? Absolutely. Okay. If you enjoyed this 00:44:34.599 --> 00:44:36.820 podcast, please rate, review, and subscribe, 00:44:36.900 --> 00:44:39.969 and tell your friends. If you did not enjoy this 00:44:39.969 --> 00:44:48.409 podcast, we hope you have no friends. Thank you, 00:44:48.409 --> 00:44:52.769 Frank. I'll talk to you soon. Well, hold on, 00:44:52.789 --> 00:44:55.570 folks. Don't go anywhere. Let me just read a 00:44:55.570 --> 00:44:58.309 few of our sponsors that we have. Struggling 00:44:58.309 --> 00:45:01.849 to reach success? Maybe it's time to quit. In 00:45:01.849 --> 00:45:05.690 Quit Your Way to Success. by Rodney Davis. This 00:45:05.690 --> 00:45:09.309 reveals 27 steps to breaking bad habits that 00:45:09.309 --> 00:45:12.869 hold you back. 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Revved Up Kids is 00:45:46.539 --> 00:45:49.960 on a mission to protect children and teens from 00:45:49.960 --> 00:45:52.800 sexual abuse, exploitation, and trafficking. 00:45:53.059 --> 00:45:55.699 They provide prevention training programs for 00:45:55.699 --> 00:45:59.369 children. teens, and adults. To learn more, go 00:45:59.369 --> 00:46:04.250 to revvedupkids .org. That's R -E -V -V -E -D 00:46:04.250 --> 00:46:11.429 -U -P -K -I -D -S .org. Well, that's a wrap, 00:46:11.489 --> 00:46:14.349 folks. A huge thank you to our special guests 00:46:14.349 --> 00:46:17.690 for sharing such incredible insights today. And 00:46:17.690 --> 00:46:21.070 of course, a big shout out to you, our amazing 00:46:21.070 --> 00:46:24.030 listeners, for tuning in and spending your time 00:46:24.030 --> 00:46:27.900 with us. Remember, networking isn't about being 00:46:27.900 --> 00:46:31.239 perfect. It's about being present. So take what 00:46:31.239 --> 00:46:33.820 you've learned today, get out there and make 00:46:33.820 --> 00:46:36.820 some meaningful connections. If you enjoyed this 00:46:36.820 --> 00:46:39.780 episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave us 00:46:39.780 --> 00:46:42.420 a review and share it with someone who could 00:46:42.420 --> 00:46:45.719 use a little networking inspiration. Let's keep 00:46:45.719 --> 00:46:49.420 the conversation going. You can find me on Apple, 00:46:49.559 --> 00:46:53.659 Spotify, YouTube or my website, Michael. Remember. 00:46:54.199 --> 00:46:57.579 Until next time, keep practicing, keep connecting, 00:46:57.679 --> 00:47:00.880 and keep building those relationships. This is 00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:04.079 Michael signing off. Take care and happy networking.