WEBVTT 00:00:16.269 --> 00:00:20.190 Hello, and welcome to Networking Unleashed, building 00:00:20.190 --> 00:00:23.230 profitable connections. Welcome back to the show, 00:00:23.250 --> 00:00:26.309 folks. I'm your host, Michael Foreman, and you're 00:00:26.309 --> 00:00:29.170 listening to the podcast where networking is 00:00:29.170 --> 00:00:32.090 more than just awkward handshakes and bad coffee. 00:00:32.270 --> 00:00:35.710 It's an art and a talent. But here's the twist. 00:00:35.890 --> 00:00:39.310 It's an art and talent you can actually learn. 00:00:39.799 --> 00:00:42.759 Yes, even if you're the person hiding in the 00:00:42.759 --> 00:00:46.179 corner at every event, pretending to check emails. 00:00:47.219 --> 00:00:49.880 Networking isn't just a nice skill to have, it's 00:00:49.880 --> 00:00:52.600 a game changer. And when you get good at it, 00:00:52.679 --> 00:00:55.619 you'll wonder why you didn't start sooner. More 00:00:55.619 --> 00:00:59.039 connections, more opportunities, more profits. 00:00:59.299 --> 00:01:02.640 It's like unlocking a cheat code for life. So 00:01:02.640 --> 00:01:04.620 whether you're the life of the party or the just 00:01:04.620 --> 00:01:07.400 let me stay at home and text type, we've got 00:01:07.400 --> 00:01:10.700 something for you. So stick around and let's 00:01:10.700 --> 00:01:13.480 turn those awkward small talk moments into big 00:01:13.480 --> 00:01:18.379 wins. Now, I've got a guest today who I really 00:01:18.379 --> 00:01:23.120 feel a kinship with. I was on his podcast recently, 00:01:23.359 --> 00:01:27.200 but I feel like I've known Mike for years. I'd 00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:31.099 like to introduce to you Mike Litton. And Mike 00:01:31.099 --> 00:01:34.319 has over 31 years of experience in real estate, 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:38.290 finance, and investing. He's passionate about 00:01:38.290 --> 00:01:42.030 being a father, a teacher, a realtor, an investor, 00:01:42.290 --> 00:01:45.810 and a leader. And I want to tell you that with 00:01:45.810 --> 00:01:48.310 my mortgage background and his mortgage background, 00:01:48.549 --> 00:01:51.989 we could talk for three hours. But let me just 00:01:51.989 --> 00:01:54.689 introduce Mike Linton and let him give you a 00:01:54.689 --> 00:01:57.109 little bit more. Mike, how are you? Good, buddy. 00:01:57.170 --> 00:01:59.849 How are you? Not bad. Why don't you tell us a 00:01:59.849 --> 00:02:02.299 little bit about your background? So I've been 00:02:02.299 --> 00:02:05.200 in real estate for 33 years now. That's actually 00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:07.719 an old, that's some old material anyway. But 00:02:07.719 --> 00:02:11.039 yeah, 33 years as of a couple of weeks ago. And 00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:12.699 I got started in the business because I got turned 00:02:12.699 --> 00:02:14.620 down for a home loan. So be careful saying no 00:02:14.620 --> 00:02:18.400 to me, right? So I get going in real estate in 00:02:18.400 --> 00:02:23.199 1992 in the mortgage business and I became really 00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:26.560 successful in it. I became one of the nation's 00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:29.840 top producers and year after year did really 00:02:29.840 --> 00:02:34.229 well. And I worked really hard and I earned a 00:02:34.229 --> 00:02:37.189 lot of the success that I had. But I also learned 00:02:37.189 --> 00:02:41.069 a ton about. people and about specifically how 00:02:41.069 --> 00:02:43.009 to work with people and how to work with them 00:02:43.009 --> 00:02:45.330 better. Because not everybody that we come across 00:02:45.330 --> 00:02:47.990 in this industry, not everybody that we come 00:02:47.990 --> 00:02:50.409 across is necessarily a match for our behavioral 00:02:50.409 --> 00:02:52.949 style. And so we have to adapt and overcome, 00:02:53.150 --> 00:02:57.909 right? So 33 years. And I also, in 2000, went 00:02:57.909 --> 00:03:01.110 to an annual event that the building industry 00:03:01.110 --> 00:03:04.129 in San Diego puts on called the Bull and Bear. 00:03:04.509 --> 00:03:06.669 And it's January of every year, and it's a dinner 00:03:06.669 --> 00:03:08.789 that everybody goes to. And the bull gets up 00:03:08.789 --> 00:03:10.189 and talks about how wonderful everything's going 00:03:10.189 --> 00:03:11.789 to be, and the bear gets up and talks about how 00:03:11.789 --> 00:03:13.949 terrible everything's going to be for that year. 00:03:14.229 --> 00:03:18.710 And this one time in 2000, January 2000, these 00:03:18.710 --> 00:03:21.469 two honyaks actually agreed on something. They 00:03:21.469 --> 00:03:23.629 couldn't agree on the color of the sky, okay? 00:03:23.810 --> 00:03:26.430 But they agreed on one thing, and that was that 00:03:26.430 --> 00:03:28.870 we were running out of permittable land in San 00:03:28.870 --> 00:03:33.439 Diego County. And I was 100 % builder. purchase 00:03:33.439 --> 00:03:35.539 loans. So I, all of my loans, I was a builder 00:03:35.539 --> 00:03:38.439 rep and all of my loans were purchase loans and 00:03:38.439 --> 00:03:40.379 they were all builder. And I had close to 300 00:03:40.379 --> 00:03:43.379 loans in my pipeline at the time. And I had a 00:03:43.379 --> 00:03:45.699 baby at home and I had another one on the way. 00:03:46.250 --> 00:03:48.789 And I got a chill from the top of my head to 00:03:48.789 --> 00:03:50.490 the bottom of my feet. And I just went, okay, 00:03:50.550 --> 00:03:54.090 I'm a big fish in an ever smaller pond, right? 00:03:54.270 --> 00:03:57.449 And I need to diversify. So by the time that 00:03:57.449 --> 00:04:01.849 year, 2000, was over, I had been pre -approved 00:04:01.849 --> 00:04:07.430 and had been in application to buy and start 00:04:07.430 --> 00:04:10.270 a Keller Williams Realty franchise. And so that 00:04:10.270 --> 00:04:13.680 was my way of diversifying. I ended up starting 00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:18.740 that in January of 2020 or 2001. And we started, 00:04:18.839 --> 00:04:20.620 we were supposed to have 22 agents. We started 00:04:20.620 --> 00:04:23.339 with four, partly because somebody that started 00:04:23.339 --> 00:04:25.800 the company with me didn't know what truth meant. 00:04:26.079 --> 00:04:28.160 And so we ended up with four and everybody went, 00:04:28.259 --> 00:04:29.879 oh, you're going to fail. You'll never succeed. 00:04:30.519 --> 00:04:33.699 And we ended up owning that office for 18 years. 00:04:34.199 --> 00:04:36.560 And we had one of the largest real estate offices 00:04:36.560 --> 00:04:40.459 in North America. And it was an amazing experience. 00:04:40.579 --> 00:04:43.079 I loved every second of it. The thing that I 00:04:43.079 --> 00:04:46.360 learned was I learned how to deal with a whole 00:04:46.360 --> 00:04:48.220 lot of people with a whole lot of different personalities 00:04:48.220 --> 00:04:51.079 and different agendas. And a lot of those agendas 00:04:51.079 --> 00:04:54.220 didn't match, right? And so it was a real learning 00:04:54.220 --> 00:04:58.279 experience. During that time in 2011, 2008, we 00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:01.439 had the Great Recession. In 2011, it seemed like 00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:03.920 everybody was losing their homes to foreclosure. 00:05:04.120 --> 00:05:06.639 I was an REO broker. I was going out and knocking 00:05:06.639 --> 00:05:08.519 on people's doors and telling them that they 00:05:08.519 --> 00:05:10.740 didn't own the house anymore and that they needed 00:05:10.740 --> 00:05:13.629 to move. And they would tell me, oh, no, that's 00:05:13.629 --> 00:05:16.490 not possible because I just gave a law firm $9 00:05:16.490 --> 00:05:18.810 ,000 yesterday and they guaranteed me in writing 00:05:18.810 --> 00:05:21.209 that I'd never lose my house to foreclosure. 00:05:22.170 --> 00:05:24.029 That was the kind of thing we were dealing with. 00:05:24.250 --> 00:05:26.990 I got so frustrated that I started a radio show 00:05:26.990 --> 00:05:31.569 called The Real Estate Zone on 760 KFMB. We took 00:05:31.569 --> 00:05:33.389 the least listened to hour they had their entire 00:05:33.389 --> 00:05:35.930 weekend lineup and turned it into number one 00:05:35.930 --> 00:05:39.310 in all of AM radio in eight weeks. And they told 00:05:39.310 --> 00:05:43.579 me that hadn't happened in 34 years. So we did 00:05:43.579 --> 00:05:45.600 it because we were telling the truth, Michael. 00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:47.899 We were literally saving thousands and thousands 00:05:47.899 --> 00:05:51.939 of homes from foreclosure. And so what ended 00:05:51.939 --> 00:05:53.920 up from what came from all that was I ended up 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:56.939 on television, started my radio career, so to 00:05:56.939 --> 00:05:59.300 speak, in San Diego and television, right? I've 00:05:59.300 --> 00:06:02.220 been on ever since 2011. And one of the things 00:06:02.220 --> 00:06:04.959 that I dearly loved was I dearly. loved getting 00:06:04.959 --> 00:06:07.839 people's stories. I dearly loved meeting people 00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:10.439 for the first time. I just, I dig people. You 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:12.439 know that. I think I hide it well, but you've 00:06:12.439 --> 00:06:17.160 figured it out, right? So one of the things I 00:06:17.160 --> 00:06:19.560 promised myself was I knew when I had a podcast 00:06:19.560 --> 00:06:23.779 that I would go deep. I wouldn't have hard, you 00:06:23.779 --> 00:06:25.519 know, commercial breaks. I wouldn't have network 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:27.620 breaks. I wouldn't have all the stuff that you 00:06:27.620 --> 00:06:29.939 have in commercial radio because I literally 00:06:29.939 --> 00:06:33.519 would just have time. And so what we do with 00:06:33.519 --> 00:06:35.360 the Mike Litton experience is just like we did 00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:37.819 with you. We get people's life stories. We start 00:06:37.819 --> 00:06:39.360 with where they were born, go all the way up 00:06:39.360 --> 00:06:43.519 to today. We've done 322 episodes in less than 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:46.560 19 months. And it's been amazing. It's been absolutely 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:48.579 amazing. We're heard in 60 countries worldwide, 00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:53.379 6 -0 -60, which is still hard for me to imagine 00:06:53.379 --> 00:06:55.860 when I say that. We've been listened to over 00:06:55.860 --> 00:06:59.959 2 .35 million times, over 2 million downloads. 00:07:00.639 --> 00:07:03.939 Crazy, just crazy. But it's been a riot. It's 00:07:03.939 --> 00:07:06.279 been a great amount of fun. And I really thoroughly 00:07:06.279 --> 00:07:10.360 enjoyed it. It sounds like you have the personality 00:07:10.360 --> 00:07:13.879 to do everything that you're doing. That's why 00:07:13.879 --> 00:07:18.079 I think you don't really think you're doing well 00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:21.040 that well, but you are. But you're enjoying it 00:07:21.040 --> 00:07:24.379 so much that you're just having fun and you're 00:07:24.379 --> 00:07:26.800 doing well. So it's a good combination to have. 00:07:26.959 --> 00:07:31.019 It's an absolute riot, man. It's just fun. Okay, 00:07:31.100 --> 00:07:34.680 so let me ask you, how did you first discover 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:38.339 the power of asking questions in your personal 00:07:38.339 --> 00:07:41.620 and professional life? Oh, God, great question. 00:07:42.100 --> 00:07:47.060 So I'll tell you the personal one, and this is 00:07:47.060 --> 00:07:50.680 a little embarrassing. I love those. Actually, 00:07:50.740 --> 00:07:53.220 it's humiliating. It's humiliating, but I'm going 00:07:53.220 --> 00:08:00.660 to tell you anyway. So I met a girl. In 1992. 00:08:03.339 --> 00:08:07.860 And I fell in love with her and I decided I was 00:08:07.860 --> 00:08:09.439 going to marry her and we were going to have 00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:15.519 kids. And right. That was 32 years ago. So we 00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:17.360 just celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary 00:08:17.360 --> 00:08:21.040 a couple of months ago, January 5th. And we were 00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:22.980 in premarital counseling and I went to our pastor 00:08:22.980 --> 00:08:25.379 and I said, listen, by the way, he's one of the 00:08:25.379 --> 00:08:27.459 nicest people you ever meet in your life. And 00:08:27.459 --> 00:08:29.240 I said, you need to consider me a blank slate. 00:08:29.399 --> 00:08:30.980 And he goes, what does that mean? And I said, 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:32.980 I haven't had a relationship with a girl that's 00:08:32.980 --> 00:08:36.840 lasted more than 60 days. And I said, so I don't 00:08:36.840 --> 00:08:38.639 know how to be in a relationship with a woman. 00:08:38.679 --> 00:08:42.480 And I don't ever want to get divorced. So I need 00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:45.259 you to help me be a husband. Teach me how to 00:08:45.259 --> 00:08:48.639 be a husband. And so we're going through the 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:50.559 processes. We're going through the process. At 00:08:50.559 --> 00:08:53.500 one point, my fiance at the time is now my wife, 00:08:53.539 --> 00:08:57.460 gets up and runs out of his office crying. And 00:08:57.460 --> 00:09:00.059 this man who is the sweetest heart of just about 00:09:00.059 --> 00:09:05.200 anybody you've ever met other than my son looks 00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:08.159 at me with the most exasperated look on his face. 00:09:08.799 --> 00:09:10.639 And he says, Mike, you have to ask yourself a 00:09:10.639 --> 00:09:13.159 question. I said, okay, what's that? He goes, 00:09:13.220 --> 00:09:15.820 do you want to be married or do you want to be 00:09:15.820 --> 00:09:24.960 right? Okay. Yep. And it was like, oh. Great 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:27.259 question. So I've asked myself that question 00:09:27.259 --> 00:09:29.159 now, I don't know how many millions of times 00:09:29.159 --> 00:09:32.899 over the last 31 years. But that's the that's 00:09:32.899 --> 00:09:36.559 where I learned the power of questions in my 00:09:36.559 --> 00:09:40.779 personal life. Okay. And I started and what it 00:09:40.779 --> 00:09:43.820 did was it started this wildfire of, okay, if 00:09:43.820 --> 00:09:46.360 that question works, let's ask some more. Let's 00:09:46.360 --> 00:09:49.340 ask. questions that actually help us to bond 00:09:49.340 --> 00:09:52.120 as a couple. Let's ask questions about that help 00:09:52.120 --> 00:09:54.059 us plan for the future, all that kind of thing. 00:09:54.139 --> 00:09:55.860 Yeah. So that was the power of questions of the 00:09:55.860 --> 00:09:59.580 personal life. In the professional life, I took 00:09:59.580 --> 00:10:02.919 the personal life experience and started using 00:10:02.919 --> 00:10:05.100 it in my professional life. I became a better 00:10:05.100 --> 00:10:08.019 loan officer. I became a better manager. I became 00:10:08.019 --> 00:10:11.960 a better leader because I started asking questions 00:10:11.960 --> 00:10:15.600 because ultimately I asked myself a different 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:18.019 question than I had personally, but it was, do 00:10:18.019 --> 00:10:20.299 I want to be right? Or do I want to be in business 00:10:20.299 --> 00:10:23.279 with this person? Do I want to be right? Or do 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:25.460 I want to have the opportunity to lead this person? 00:10:25.940 --> 00:10:29.559 Okay. And what it did was it started me down 00:10:29.559 --> 00:10:33.220 this road. In 2000, we bought this Keller Williams 00:10:33.220 --> 00:10:36.019 franchise. One of the things that Keller Williams 00:10:36.019 --> 00:10:37.840 requires is they require that you go through 00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:41.299 a series of training in order to qualify to be 00:10:41.299 --> 00:10:44.480 the owner of an operating principal of a market 00:10:44.480 --> 00:10:47.019 center. And so I went through that training. 00:10:47.220 --> 00:10:50.480 The biggest part of that training is how to ask 00:10:50.480 --> 00:10:52.620 effective questions, like how to sit with people 00:10:52.620 --> 00:10:55.179 and how to actually have a conversation with 00:10:55.179 --> 00:10:58.220 them when you're recruiting them, when you're 00:10:58.220 --> 00:11:01.320 getting to know them. When you have people that 00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:03.639 are in your charge that work for you and right. 00:11:03.720 --> 00:11:06.299 When you're interviewing potential employees, 00:11:06.580 --> 00:11:09.559 the whole thing. And so I'm conflict resolution, 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:13.899 the whole deal. And so I learned basically from 00:11:13.899 --> 00:11:16.960 that one question in premarital counseling, which 00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:18.820 by the way, he said was the most excruciating 00:11:18.820 --> 00:11:22.820 experience of his life. It wasn't because of 00:11:22.820 --> 00:11:26.840 my wife, man. Yeah. I'm a lot, Michael. I'm sure 00:11:26.840 --> 00:11:31.019 you are. I know you've met me, but I'm a lot, 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:33.840 man. Yeah. So it basically grew from there. And 00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:37.620 then several years after we bought the franchise 00:11:37.620 --> 00:11:39.360 and started with Keller Williams, they taught 00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:44.220 a class called the Consulting Clinic. And Bev 00:11:44.220 --> 00:11:45.960 Steiner, who's still with Keller Williams, she's 00:11:45.960 --> 00:11:48.100 a regional owner and operating principal and 00:11:48.100 --> 00:11:50.600 all that. She's just an amazing woman. She taught 00:11:50.600 --> 00:11:54.039 this class at the La Costa Resort. And I'll never 00:11:54.039 --> 00:11:57.019 forget this. And she had all of us get up and 00:11:57.019 --> 00:11:59.840 she had us stand up. And we were to ask each 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:03.899 other questions, okay? And the first person who 00:12:03.899 --> 00:12:07.019 answered a question had to sit down, okay? So 00:12:07.019 --> 00:12:09.919 there's a room, if you can imagine, 150, 200 00:12:09.919 --> 00:12:12.460 people, okay? And all of them get up and they 00:12:12.460 --> 00:12:14.500 start asking each other questions. And very quickly, 00:12:14.759 --> 00:12:18.879 the group of 200 shrunk down to about 10, okay? 00:12:19.039 --> 00:12:21.779 And she's like, all right, all right. Those of 00:12:21.779 --> 00:12:23.879 you that are still standing, sit down. You're 00:12:23.879 --> 00:12:30.059 just showing off. By the way, that group that 00:12:30.059 --> 00:12:34.159 was still standing, right? And so it was something 00:12:34.159 --> 00:12:38.299 where questions were encouraged, but they were 00:12:38.299 --> 00:12:41.419 encouraged as a way to communicate and a way 00:12:41.419 --> 00:12:45.039 to deepen your relationship with each other. 00:12:45.139 --> 00:12:47.379 And that was something that really resonated 00:12:47.379 --> 00:12:52.059 with me. Very good. And I have to give some acclaim 00:12:52.059 --> 00:12:55.179 to your pastor. I've been married going to be 00:12:55.179 --> 00:13:02.549 36 years. come May. And he is so right. He is 00:13:02.549 --> 00:13:05.970 so right. And I take that to heart. I really 00:13:05.970 --> 00:13:08.970 do. They've gone on since our premarital counseling, 00:13:09.129 --> 00:13:11.809 they've gone on to write and publish over 40 00:13:11.809 --> 00:13:15.370 books on marriage and family. They're some of 00:13:15.370 --> 00:13:17.370 the foremost experts in the world on the subject. 00:13:17.529 --> 00:13:19.149 And we were very fortunate. They hadn't written 00:13:19.149 --> 00:13:22.049 a single book when they did our premarital counseling. 00:13:22.210 --> 00:13:23.990 But when they talk about Mike and Mimi in their 00:13:23.990 --> 00:13:27.279 books, Mike and Mimi. They're talking about us. 00:13:27.299 --> 00:13:29.059 And I'm like, are you sure you're not talking 00:13:29.059 --> 00:13:33.120 about a cautionary tale? What not to do? And 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:34.820 they're like, oh, we use you as an example of 00:13:34.820 --> 00:13:37.100 what to do. I said, wow. Let me ask you a question. 00:13:37.240 --> 00:13:39.840 How long was it before Mimi came back into the 00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:43.139 room? You said she stormed off crying. That's 00:13:43.139 --> 00:13:45.019 a good question. It was probably 30 minutes. 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:47.039 It was probably close to 30 minutes. Because 00:13:47.039 --> 00:13:48.799 one of the things that happened was he looked 00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:50.820 at me with the most exasperated look on his face. 00:13:50.919 --> 00:13:52.899 He asked me that question. And then he goes, 00:13:52.980 --> 00:13:57.620 stay here. And he leaves. I was in his office 00:13:57.620 --> 00:13:59.679 with, at the time, there were three of us, right? 00:13:59.840 --> 00:14:01.080 Now, all of a sudden, I'm sitting there with 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:04.580 my thoughts, right? I'm the only one there. And 00:14:04.580 --> 00:14:06.700 he went to go find her. And he talked with her. 00:14:07.039 --> 00:14:10.279 outside for 30 minutes. And then she calmed down 00:14:10.279 --> 00:14:12.899 and she came back in. And I think he was afraid 00:14:12.899 --> 00:14:15.179 she wasn't coming back. I really, he's probably 00:14:15.179 --> 00:14:17.440 there convincing her to come back. Do you like, 00:14:17.460 --> 00:14:22.360 come on back. I'll show you. All right. Okay. 00:14:24.940 --> 00:14:28.580 What's one question every leader should ask their 00:14:28.580 --> 00:14:32.620 team regularly? Oh, wow. Great question. Great 00:14:32.620 --> 00:14:36.440 question. I believe, and again, this is my opinion, 00:14:36.620 --> 00:14:40.039 okay, but I believe that every leader should 00:14:40.039 --> 00:14:42.080 ask their team on a regular basis, how are we 00:14:42.080 --> 00:14:45.899 doing? How are we doing as a company in supporting 00:14:45.899 --> 00:14:49.179 you? Is there anything that we're missing that 00:14:49.179 --> 00:14:52.039 you need? Is there anything in particular that 00:14:52.039 --> 00:14:54.340 you would need us to provide so that you can 00:14:54.340 --> 00:14:57.100 succeed at a higher level? Do you feel fulfilled? 00:14:57.419 --> 00:15:02.200 Okay, because ultimately, It's not about the 00:15:02.200 --> 00:15:04.940 leader. It's about who they're leading, and it's 00:15:04.940 --> 00:15:08.440 about how they feel about what's going on with 00:15:08.440 --> 00:15:10.279 the company, okay? So I'm going to give you an 00:15:10.279 --> 00:15:12.639 example. So we're writing a book on the power 00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:15.799 of questions, just full disclosure, right? We're 00:15:15.799 --> 00:15:17.480 actually writing seven books, we found out, as 00:15:17.480 --> 00:15:19.519 I shared with you before we hit record. We're 00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:21.740 actually writing seven books. One of them, the 00:15:21.740 --> 00:15:24.200 first one's on the power of questions. And the 00:15:24.200 --> 00:15:26.740 idea is you have to care enough to ask, okay? 00:15:27.499 --> 00:15:30.379 So Scott Mann, who's a retired Lieutenant Colonel 00:15:30.379 --> 00:15:32.519 of Green Beret, wrote a book called Nobody's 00:15:32.519 --> 00:15:35.580 Coming to Save You, Green Beret's Guide to Getting 00:15:35.580 --> 00:15:38.639 Big Stuff Done. It's not stuff, but it's, you 00:15:38.639 --> 00:15:40.899 know, right. It's a G -rated show, right? So 00:15:40.899 --> 00:15:45.919 he tells this story of this company that hired 00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:48.720 him to come in and be their speaker at their 00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:51.309 annual meeting. And there's hundreds of people 00:15:51.309 --> 00:15:53.710 sitting in the audience, large company, large 00:15:53.710 --> 00:15:56.909 group of people. And the CEO gets up and says, 00:15:56.990 --> 00:15:59.129 I'm going to introduce Scott Mann, our speaker 00:15:59.129 --> 00:16:00.509 here in a minute, but I wanted to go through 00:16:00.509 --> 00:16:02.789 a real quick slide deck and catch you up to speed 00:16:02.789 --> 00:16:06.230 on where we are as a company. He looked out into 00:16:06.230 --> 00:16:09.169 the audience and the CEO had just started with 00:16:09.169 --> 00:16:11.169 his presentation. He looked out in the audience, 00:16:11.389 --> 00:16:13.730 Scott did, and all of his people were on their 00:16:13.730 --> 00:16:17.250 phones. He had lost them. And it had been a matter 00:16:17.250 --> 00:16:19.370 of seconds, Michael. Absolutely. Matter of seconds. 00:16:19.370 --> 00:16:22.519 Yep. Now, I would submit to you that if that 00:16:22.519 --> 00:16:25.279 same CEO had gotten up and said, hey, I'm going 00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:27.559 to introduce Scott Mann here in a minute, but 00:16:27.559 --> 00:16:29.320 I wanted to go through this slide deck real quick 00:16:29.320 --> 00:16:31.639 and share with you where we are as a company. 00:16:31.860 --> 00:16:34.139 Let me ask you a question. You're out there on 00:16:34.139 --> 00:16:36.019 the firing line every day. You're the ones that 00:16:36.019 --> 00:16:38.399 are out there making us successful. How do you 00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:40.620 think we did this year? What do you think this 00:16:40.620 --> 00:16:42.259 slide deck is going to say? Does anybody want 00:16:42.259 --> 00:16:45.700 to take a guess? All you have to do, Michael, 00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:47.879 is get one or two people to raise their hands. 00:16:48.220 --> 00:16:51.059 That's all you have to do. Enter into a dialogue 00:16:51.059 --> 00:16:55.500 with them, okay? It's this tribal mentality that 00:16:55.500 --> 00:16:58.600 if one person in the audience is talking to the 00:16:58.600 --> 00:17:02.240 speakers talking to all of them, okay? They're 00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:03.820 paying attention. They're not looking on their 00:17:03.820 --> 00:17:06.180 phone. They're rubbernecking to try to figure 00:17:06.180 --> 00:17:08.960 out if they know who that person is that is talking 00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:11.779 directly to the CEO because they haven't had 00:17:11.779 --> 00:17:15.509 a chance to and they want to. It literally comes 00:17:15.509 --> 00:17:19.470 down to your ability as a leader to engage your 00:17:19.470 --> 00:17:22.109 people. Okay. I interviewed a lady the other 00:17:22.109 --> 00:17:25.029 day that worked for Whataburger for 20 some years. 00:17:25.730 --> 00:17:30.509 And she had a CEO that she basically worked directly 00:17:30.509 --> 00:17:34.069 for him. Okay. So I call her my CEO whisperer. 00:17:34.150 --> 00:17:36.890 Okay. She said he would go into meetings with 00:17:36.890 --> 00:17:39.390 people that were two and three levels below him. 00:17:39.720 --> 00:17:43.039 And he would sit with them and he'd take a pad 00:17:43.039 --> 00:17:44.859 of paper in and he'd close the door and he'd 00:17:44.859 --> 00:17:48.119 ask them, so how are we doing? How are you doing? 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:52.019 What's helping you to succeed here? What do you 00:17:52.019 --> 00:17:54.200 need to help you succeed here? And this man, 00:17:54.420 --> 00:17:57.980 the CEO, would take notes. Do you know what happens 00:17:57.980 --> 00:18:00.859 when you ask people about themselves and they 00:18:00.859 --> 00:18:05.259 tell you about themselves? What happens? You 00:18:05.259 --> 00:18:08.980 bond. They bond with you. Because that's their 00:18:08.980 --> 00:18:11.420 favorite subject. Now, grandparents and parents 00:18:11.420 --> 00:18:13.380 will tell you that their favorite subject is 00:18:13.380 --> 00:18:16.579 their kids and their grandkids. It's not true. 00:18:16.759 --> 00:18:18.920 The reason why their kids and their grandkids 00:18:18.920 --> 00:18:21.279 are their favorite subject is because it's them. 00:18:21.440 --> 00:18:24.359 They're an extension of them, right? They are 00:18:24.359 --> 00:18:28.299 the fruits of their life. Make sense? Okay. And 00:18:28.299 --> 00:18:30.680 all the investment that they've made raising 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:33.720 those kids and grandkids. But their absolute 00:18:33.720 --> 00:18:36.019 favorite person to talk about is themselves. 00:18:36.920 --> 00:18:40.119 So all you have to do is ask people about themselves, 00:18:40.259 --> 00:18:43.980 and they will literally pour into you what's 00:18:43.980 --> 00:18:46.980 going on with them. You just have to care enough 00:18:46.980 --> 00:18:50.859 to ask, right? They will tell you what's going 00:18:50.859 --> 00:18:53.339 on with them. If you sit there and take notes, 00:18:53.380 --> 00:18:57.500 do you know what happens? What? You validate 00:18:57.500 --> 00:19:03.039 them. Of course, yes. 1 ,000%. What you're describing. 00:19:04.200 --> 00:19:07.619 Yes, it's a leader. I go through a whole thing 00:19:07.619 --> 00:19:09.660 of saying the difference between leaders and 00:19:09.660 --> 00:19:15.200 bosses. And a leader teaches leaders. Bosses 00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.599 just shout commands. So a leader is teaching 00:19:18.599 --> 00:19:22.140 leaders to lead. And the only way they learn 00:19:22.140 --> 00:19:27.420 is by listening to them. You had so many things 00:19:27.420 --> 00:19:30.579 that hit the nail on the head in so many different 00:19:30.579 --> 00:19:34.930 areas, I couldn't keep up. Okay. And that's all 00:19:34.930 --> 00:19:38.230 I can come out and tell you. Okay. So now let 00:19:38.230 --> 00:19:40.950 me just one second, just bring this back to your 00:19:40.950 --> 00:19:43.670 spouse just a little bit. How can asking the 00:19:43.670 --> 00:19:47.650 right questions improve communication between 00:19:47.650 --> 00:19:50.910 spouses? It's actually very simple. It's a great 00:19:50.910 --> 00:19:53.390 question, but it's very simple. And it comes 00:19:53.390 --> 00:19:55.490 back to the same thing we were just talking about. 00:19:55.730 --> 00:20:00.109 So if you ask your spouse about how they feel. 00:20:00.920 --> 00:20:03.799 about a particular decision, or you ask them 00:20:03.799 --> 00:20:06.619 how they feel about the way that you treated 00:20:06.619 --> 00:20:09.460 them at a party, or you ask them how they feel 00:20:09.460 --> 00:20:14.059 about your communication with them, it gives 00:20:14.059 --> 00:20:16.660 them an opportunity to share with you how they're 00:20:16.660 --> 00:20:20.220 feeling and they feel validated, okay? They feel 00:20:20.220 --> 00:20:22.599 like they're more of a part of that relationship 00:20:22.599 --> 00:20:25.359 than they ever have been. I'll give you an example. 00:20:25.539 --> 00:20:30.630 Years ago, I was teaching a class on the DISC, 00:20:30.730 --> 00:20:33.170 which is basically behavioral assessment, behavioral 00:20:33.170 --> 00:20:35.829 traits, right? And I've been teaching it now 00:20:35.829 --> 00:20:39.250 for 33 years. But it was about 30 years ago, 00:20:39.269 --> 00:20:40.869 and I'm standing up in front of a group of people. 00:20:41.130 --> 00:20:43.789 And as I'm standing up there talking, and I'm 00:20:43.789 --> 00:20:47.289 teaching it, my mind went to, I've never had 00:20:47.289 --> 00:20:50.609 this conversation with my wife. So I went home 00:20:50.609 --> 00:20:52.329 and I sat with my wife that night and I said, 00:20:52.349 --> 00:20:54.089 listen, do you mind if I ask you a question? 00:20:54.210 --> 00:20:56.069 She said, sure. I said, what do you think your 00:20:56.069 --> 00:20:58.109 behavioral style is? She goes, I have no idea. 00:20:58.890 --> 00:21:01.690 I said, would it surprise you to know that you're 00:21:01.690 --> 00:21:06.809 an SC? S is stable. They don't like change. They're 00:21:06.809 --> 00:21:10.069 real steady. Okay. A C is conforming. They follow 00:21:10.069 --> 00:21:15.230 every rule. Okay. I'm a D. I am 1000 % a D. In 00:21:15.230 --> 00:21:17.349 fact, they sent out a search party 30 years ago 00:21:17.349 --> 00:21:19.759 for the other three. behavioral styles and they 00:21:19.759 --> 00:21:22.980 still haven't come back it's not good right it's 00:21:22.980 --> 00:21:25.559 i'm all d man usually people are a mixture of 00:21:25.559 --> 00:21:28.259 those things not me i am that's it i am right 00:21:28.259 --> 00:21:31.500 and here's the thing so i shared with her i said 00:21:31.500 --> 00:21:34.279 listen there isn't a single thing in my life 00:21:34.279 --> 00:21:36.559 that doesn't change on a regular basis which 00:21:36.559 --> 00:21:39.660 is her greatest fear change and there's and i 00:21:39.660 --> 00:21:41.839 always want to bend and or break every rule i 00:21:41.839 --> 00:21:43.900 come across and all you want to do is follow 00:21:43.900 --> 00:21:46.190 them her favorite thing to say to me is you can't 00:21:46.190 --> 00:21:48.349 do it that way. And she wags her finger when 00:21:48.349 --> 00:21:50.650 she says it. Okay. And I said that just, and 00:21:50.650 --> 00:21:52.230 she goes, what does all that mean? I said, all 00:21:52.230 --> 00:21:55.289 that means is that you're perfect for me. And 00:21:55.289 --> 00:21:59.349 she started crying. Okay. Now I asked her, why 00:21:59.349 --> 00:22:01.750 are you crying? She said, because I didn't understand 00:22:01.750 --> 00:22:05.009 until right now, how much you actually get me, 00:22:05.109 --> 00:22:14.240 how much you appreciate me. That works. I can't 00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:19.140 say anything about that. Okay, so let's switch 00:22:19.140 --> 00:22:22.140 a little bit and say, how do you use questions 00:22:22.140 --> 00:22:27.599 to build meaningful connections at networking 00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:32.519 events? Great question. So what I do is I try 00:22:32.519 --> 00:22:34.920 to find something about that person that's interesting, 00:22:35.059 --> 00:22:40.259 okay? And it might be their shirt. It might be 00:22:40.259 --> 00:22:42.539 the way that they cut their hair. It might be 00:22:42.539 --> 00:22:48.200 a piece of jewelry. It could be anything. I'm 00:22:48.200 --> 00:22:49.779 one of those people that, and I don't know if 00:22:49.779 --> 00:22:51.240 you know this, but there are a lot of people 00:22:51.240 --> 00:22:53.640 that think that if you notice a woman's shoes, 00:22:53.940 --> 00:22:58.839 you must be not necessarily a man or manly or 00:22:58.839 --> 00:23:01.619 whatever. That's not necessarily the case. If 00:23:01.619 --> 00:23:04.420 they've got a particularly attractive pair of 00:23:04.420 --> 00:23:07.160 shoes on, I'm going to say something. Okay. I 00:23:07.160 --> 00:23:09.240 oftentimes will say something about their nails 00:23:09.240 --> 00:23:12.539 and it'll be something along the lines of my 00:23:12.539 --> 00:23:15.759 daughter had her nails done. She's 24 and she's 00:23:15.759 --> 00:23:18.019 all that in a bag of chips. Right. She had her 00:23:18.019 --> 00:23:20.460 nails done and they're similar in color to what 00:23:20.460 --> 00:23:22.440 you had done. Right. And I just think they're 00:23:22.440 --> 00:23:24.880 gorgeous. They just, they just really pop. Right. 00:23:25.059 --> 00:23:27.579 That kind of thing. Right. And so I'll get into 00:23:27.579 --> 00:23:31.259 a conversation with them about. Or I'll get into 00:23:31.259 --> 00:23:33.039 a conversation with them about something they 00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:35.299 said at the networking event or they were whatever, 00:23:35.460 --> 00:23:38.619 right? And we'll get into a conversation and 00:23:38.619 --> 00:23:40.660 we'll start talking about what they do, where 00:23:40.660 --> 00:23:43.259 they work, why they work there, how happy they 00:23:43.259 --> 00:23:45.440 are, that kind of thing. And then at some point 00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:47.160 I'll say, so when you're not working, what do 00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:51.779 you do for fun? Okay. Now, a lot of people think. 00:23:52.349 --> 00:23:54.910 If you ask that, you're like coming onto them 00:23:54.910 --> 00:23:57.049 or something. And that's not the case. You're 00:23:57.049 --> 00:23:59.410 just getting to know them outside of business, 00:23:59.650 --> 00:24:02.750 okay? And one of the ways that you're going to 00:24:02.750 --> 00:24:06.029 get to know somebody in a deeper way, in a more 00:24:06.029 --> 00:24:09.069 meaningful way, is to get away from the necessary 00:24:09.069 --> 00:24:13.769 business stuff and start talking about the stuff 00:24:13.769 --> 00:24:15.390 that they want to talk about, which is their 00:24:15.390 --> 00:24:19.930 kids, their spouse, their house, their vacations, 00:24:19.930 --> 00:24:22.559 whatever. And sports, what are they into? What 00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:24.619 are they, that kind of thing. And so we'll get 00:24:24.619 --> 00:24:26.859 into conversations about that, but I'll ask them 00:24:26.859 --> 00:24:30.240 about them. Easy way to remember something like 00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:32.119 that. Cause I use all of that you're saying, 00:24:32.200 --> 00:24:35.839 which is probably no surprise to you, but I use 00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:39.019 it, but I have something that I use called form 00:24:39.019 --> 00:24:44.619 F O R M family, occupation, recreation. and a 00:24:44.619 --> 00:24:47.799 message. Everything you just said, you can sum 00:24:47.799 --> 00:24:50.839 up into that word and you can draw from it whenever 00:24:50.839 --> 00:24:55.960 you can. And I too, when I'm speaking to a woman, 00:24:56.019 --> 00:24:58.859 a girl or something, I'll notice her nails. I'll 00:24:58.859 --> 00:25:01.799 say my wife does it exactly the same way, or 00:25:01.799 --> 00:25:04.740 she chooses the same color. So you're letting 00:25:04.740 --> 00:25:06.960 them know that, hey, you're not interested in 00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:09.900 that way, but you're actually talking about. 00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:12.700 their shoes, their nails or something else. And 00:25:12.700 --> 00:25:15.019 you just talk to conversation. That's a very 00:25:15.019 --> 00:25:19.160 good way of doing it. What question do you recommend 00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:22.400 professionals ask their mentors or supervisors? 00:25:22.619 --> 00:25:27.079 You touched on this before, but with the pad 00:25:27.079 --> 00:25:30.440 and the pen and he, the CEO was actually genuinely 00:25:30.440 --> 00:25:37.079 interested, but. Give me a question or something 00:25:37.079 --> 00:25:40.279 that you can ask a mentor or ask your supervisor 00:25:40.279 --> 00:25:44.480 that will help you. How can I add value to you? 00:25:45.779 --> 00:25:49.160 Perfect. What can I do right now that I haven't 00:25:49.160 --> 00:25:53.319 been doing where I can add value to you? Because 00:25:53.319 --> 00:25:57.279 people respond to it, okay? Leaders respond to 00:25:57.279 --> 00:26:02.619 the people that are working for them. being enthusiastic 00:26:02.619 --> 00:26:06.619 about helping. Mentors. So one of the things 00:26:06.619 --> 00:26:08.960 that I think is a real misnomer for people and 00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:10.880 where they miss the mark a lot of times with 00:26:10.880 --> 00:26:14.880 mentors is mentors want to give back. So this 00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:16.720 lady I was telling you about that was at the 00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:19.519 screening on Saturday, and I told you I was channeling 00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:22.240 you, okay? One of the things that I mentioned 00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:24.220 to her was, or one of the things she said to 00:26:24.220 --> 00:26:25.880 me was, she said, I'm working on an SBA loan. 00:26:26.019 --> 00:26:27.680 And I said, great. What's your business plan 00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:29.220 look like? And she goes, I don't have one. And 00:26:29.220 --> 00:26:30.740 I said, do you know you have to have one for 00:26:30.740 --> 00:26:33.200 an SBA loan? And she said, no. And I said, here's 00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:35.440 what I would suggest. Go talk to the Service 00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:37.900 Corps of Retired Executives. And she said, the 00:26:37.900 --> 00:26:40.140 what? I said, the Service Corps of Retired Executives. 00:26:40.140 --> 00:26:42.759 Score, right? And I looked it up and I sent her 00:26:42.759 --> 00:26:44.839 the link. I'm not joking. Right there, standing 00:26:44.839 --> 00:26:47.759 there, right there. And the idea behind it is 00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:51.180 these retired executives want to help you. They're 00:26:51.180 --> 00:26:53.960 part of this. They volunteer for this in order 00:26:53.960 --> 00:26:58.140 to give back, okay? The thing that sets you apart 00:26:58.140 --> 00:26:59.859 from other people that are out there, there are 00:26:59.859 --> 00:27:01.200 a lot of people out there that will approach 00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:02.900 a mentor and say, hey, can I take you to lunch? 00:27:03.380 --> 00:27:06.079 Hey, can I pick your brain? Do you have any idea 00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:08.599 how many people come to me and ask me if they 00:27:08.599 --> 00:27:10.980 can pick my brain? And do you know what my response 00:27:10.980 --> 00:27:15.000 is? Absolutely. It's slim pickings. It won't 00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:20.339 take very long. Okay. I have three brain cells 00:27:20.339 --> 00:27:22.900 left and you're welcome to them. Okay. But if 00:27:22.900 --> 00:27:24.579 you walk up to somebody and you say, I want to 00:27:24.579 --> 00:27:27.339 pick your brain, what does that say? It just 00:27:27.339 --> 00:27:29.839 says, I want to take whatever's left of you and 00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:33.279 I want you to give it to me. Okay. Don't do it 00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:36.059 that way. Walk up to a mentor and go, what can 00:27:36.059 --> 00:27:39.640 I do to help you right now? What can I do? Because 00:27:39.640 --> 00:27:42.380 I want you to mentor me, but I don't want this 00:27:42.380 --> 00:27:46.059 to be a one -way street. I want to be able to 00:27:46.059 --> 00:27:48.339 help you. Is there anything you can think of 00:27:48.339 --> 00:27:50.759 that I can do? Can I raise money for your foundation? 00:27:51.099 --> 00:27:54.539 Can I help your kids? Can I help your kids' school? 00:27:54.880 --> 00:27:59.420 What can I do to give back? Now, by the way, 00:27:59.480 --> 00:28:01.380 just so you know, be prepared that the answer 00:28:01.380 --> 00:28:04.099 may be nothing, but the fact that you asked... 00:28:04.430 --> 00:28:06.890 The fact that you asked and you offered, that 00:28:06.890 --> 00:28:10.089 will go miles with these people because they 00:28:10.089 --> 00:28:11.809 deal with people all the time that are like, 00:28:11.890 --> 00:28:13.849 what can I get from you? What can I get from 00:28:13.849 --> 00:28:16.950 you? What can I get from you? What? Why would 00:28:16.950 --> 00:28:21.410 you start a relationship out like that? That's 00:28:21.410 --> 00:28:25.829 probably the best suggestion or the best thing 00:28:25.829 --> 00:28:28.369 to ask. It's probably the best piece of advice 00:28:28.369 --> 00:28:32.359 I can give to my listeners right now. Just what 00:28:32.359 --> 00:28:36.220 you just said, because that gives both sides 00:28:36.220 --> 00:28:39.619 of the equation. It gives you something to offer 00:28:39.619 --> 00:28:43.880 as well as take it. So listen, you always think 00:28:43.880 --> 00:28:47.180 to give and not receive. Okay. So if you were 00:28:47.180 --> 00:28:50.400 the mentor, you're always looking to give. But 00:28:50.400 --> 00:28:54.519 if somebody came to me and asked me that question, 00:28:54.900 --> 00:28:59.019 my whole feeling would change on the whole thing. 00:28:59.079 --> 00:29:01.250 So that was the best piece of advice. that I 00:29:01.250 --> 00:29:06.250 can think that you can give. Okay. Can you share 00:29:06.250 --> 00:29:10.630 an example of how a well -crafted question helped 00:29:10.630 --> 00:29:17.289 you overcome a challenge? Wow. Absolutely. Absolutely. 00:29:17.910 --> 00:29:24.910 So three months ago, a very good friend of ours 00:29:24.910 --> 00:29:28.789 passed away. He was six years younger than me. 00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:33.180 It was a sudden, he died at home by himself, 00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:36.539 heart attack. And he was somebody, I'm not joking, 00:29:36.619 --> 00:29:38.500 Michael, if you had met him, you'd have thought, 00:29:38.579 --> 00:29:42.759 this guy will live to be 150, easy, okay? At 00:29:42.759 --> 00:29:48.140 52, he passed away. And his 14 -year -old son 00:29:48.140 --> 00:29:54.240 just lost his way. He was already headed down 00:29:54.240 --> 00:29:57.819 a road that was not a good one. And when his 00:29:57.819 --> 00:30:01.960 dad passed away, catapulted into the absolute 00:30:01.960 --> 00:30:07.480 wrong way. And I'm good friends with his godfather. 00:30:07.579 --> 00:30:09.500 His godfather was the one that introduced me 00:30:09.500 --> 00:30:12.200 to his dad. And so we were all, the three of 00:30:12.200 --> 00:30:15.880 us were friends and our friends. And I'm sitting 00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:19.859 with his godfather and he's telling me about 00:30:19.859 --> 00:30:21.859 the kid and they put the kid in a military academy 00:30:21.859 --> 00:30:24.319 and all this kind of stuff. And the kid's 14. 00:30:25.519 --> 00:30:29.380 And so I asked him, I said, so what's your conversation 00:30:29.380 --> 00:30:32.000 like with him? What's your, what are you, right? 00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:34.099 And he said, he doesn't want to talk to me. The 00:30:34.099 --> 00:30:35.920 last time I saw him, he called the police on 00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:37.299 me and all this kind of thing. And it was really 00:30:37.299 --> 00:30:40.619 bad. And I said, okay. I said, you've got to 00:30:40.619 --> 00:30:43.220 go sit with him and you've got to go have a conversation. 00:30:43.400 --> 00:30:46.059 And the conversation needs to be, talk to me, 00:30:46.099 --> 00:30:47.940 tell me how you're feeling. Tell me what's going 00:30:47.940 --> 00:30:50.569 on. Tell me what's wrong. talk to me, share with 00:30:50.569 --> 00:30:52.269 me how you're feeling, share with me what's going 00:30:52.269 --> 00:30:54.029 on because it's all bottled up inside of him. 00:30:54.309 --> 00:30:56.089 And I said, and it's festering and it's getting 00:30:56.089 --> 00:30:59.509 worse. It's just awful. And so he went and he 00:30:59.509 --> 00:31:01.569 met with him three times. I gave him sample questions, 00:31:01.690 --> 00:31:03.430 the whole thing, and he couldn't get anywhere 00:31:03.430 --> 00:31:05.150 with the kid. In fact, he felt like he went backwards. 00:31:05.490 --> 00:31:07.369 So he called me up and he said, listen, it's 00:31:07.369 --> 00:31:10.589 desperation time. I think I'm losing him. He 00:31:10.589 --> 00:31:13.349 said, I feel like you're the only person on the 00:31:13.349 --> 00:31:16.289 planet that can reach this kid. Will you come 00:31:16.289 --> 00:31:18.059 have dinner with us? We're going to take him 00:31:18.059 --> 00:31:20.180 to dinner Saturday night. Will you come have 00:31:20.180 --> 00:31:22.559 dinner with us and see if you can reach him? 00:31:23.359 --> 00:31:26.940 So I sat down with him and I said, let me ask 00:31:26.940 --> 00:31:29.640 you, let me ask you a question. Are you happy 00:31:29.640 --> 00:31:34.019 right now? He's no. So, okay. What would be, 00:31:34.039 --> 00:31:37.299 where would you have to be happy? Because I know 00:31:37.299 --> 00:31:39.279 he doesn't like the military academy. He's in, 00:31:39.279 --> 00:31:41.220 he hates it. And I said, so where would you need 00:31:41.220 --> 00:31:42.640 to, because this high school, this high school 00:31:42.640 --> 00:31:45.529 is okay. How do you get there from here? How 00:31:45.529 --> 00:31:47.650 do we put a plan together to get you from here, 00:31:47.730 --> 00:31:49.910 from where you are now, to where you're happy? 00:31:51.069 --> 00:31:54.369 And he said, stop. And he turns to his godparents 00:31:54.369 --> 00:31:56.549 and he turns to his mother and he goes, what 00:31:56.549 --> 00:32:00.289 is this? Why am I here? Who is this? What is 00:32:00.289 --> 00:32:02.390 this? Why is he asking me all these questions? 00:32:02.730 --> 00:32:06.089 Okay. Defense mechanism. The wall went up. Okay. 00:32:06.369 --> 00:32:10.130 I said, listen to me. I knew your dad. I was 00:32:10.130 --> 00:32:12.819 fond of your dad. You don't remember this, but 00:32:12.819 --> 00:32:15.019 you and I spent Easter together a couple of years 00:32:15.019 --> 00:32:19.279 ago, okay? I was fond of your father. And I know 00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:21.660 that if your father was here, he would want you 00:32:21.660 --> 00:32:26.000 to be happy. I'm here because of your dad. And 00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:29.500 I'm here to try to help you. So if you'll work 00:32:29.500 --> 00:32:32.000 with me, we'll put a plan together, you and I 00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:35.400 together, okay? Just you and I. I'll never judge 00:32:35.400 --> 00:32:37.019 you. No matter what you say, I'm not going to 00:32:37.019 --> 00:32:40.079 judge you, okay? And we're going to, if you're 00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:41.819 okay with it, we'll put a plan together. You 00:32:41.819 --> 00:32:44.079 just have to work with me. Right. And so we kept 00:32:44.079 --> 00:32:46.539 talking. We ended up exchanging phone numbers. 00:32:46.720 --> 00:32:49.140 We're now working together. He's now behaving. 00:32:49.339 --> 00:32:51.460 He's doing what he's supposed to be doing. He 00:32:51.460 --> 00:32:54.200 went off to spring break last week with his mother 00:32:54.200 --> 00:32:56.920 and his brother. And he was a good kid. He was 00:32:56.920 --> 00:32:59.940 the kid that she knew before. Okay. He didn't 00:32:59.940 --> 00:33:01.920 call anybody. He didn't call police. He didn't 00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:04.740 do any of that stuff. Didn't lie. Didn't get 00:33:04.740 --> 00:33:08.059 upset. He's really behaving correctly. He's starting 00:33:08.059 --> 00:33:10.599 to understand all this. And all of it's coming 00:33:10.599 --> 00:33:13.480 from questions. All of it's coming from, how 00:33:13.480 --> 00:33:16.869 are you grieving for your dad? What was your 00:33:16.869 --> 00:33:18.609 relationship like with your dad when you were 00:33:18.609 --> 00:33:21.990 growing up? And here's the thing, Michael, nobody 00:33:21.990 --> 00:33:24.029 ever asked that kid any questions. That's why 00:33:24.029 --> 00:33:26.069 when I got into the third question with him, 00:33:26.130 --> 00:33:28.089 he stopped and turned to everybody and went, 00:33:28.130 --> 00:33:30.369 what is this? Like he's being ambushed or something, 00:33:30.490 --> 00:33:34.450 okay? Everybody just ordered him around. He told 00:33:34.450 --> 00:33:37.529 me that his childhood with his dad was like living 00:33:37.529 --> 00:33:39.549 with a drill instructor. His dad was a Marine. 00:33:40.369 --> 00:33:44.980 Once a Marine, always a Marine, right? You mentioned 00:33:44.980 --> 00:33:46.920 it earlier when you said there are bosses and 00:33:46.920 --> 00:33:50.039 there are leaders. Bosses order people around 00:33:50.039 --> 00:33:52.619 and they expect them and require that they just 00:33:52.619 --> 00:33:55.880 do what they were told. Leaders go in and sit 00:33:55.880 --> 00:33:58.900 with somebody and say, listen, we are here and 00:33:58.900 --> 00:34:02.619 we need to be here, right? How do we get from 00:34:02.619 --> 00:34:05.940 here to here? You're our expert. You're the person 00:34:05.940 --> 00:34:07.640 on the firing line every day. You're the one 00:34:07.640 --> 00:34:10.420 making us successful. How do we get here? Great. 00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:13.860 How do you? factor into this? What can you do 00:34:13.860 --> 00:34:16.679 to help us get there? Are we being unrealistic, 00:34:16.980 --> 00:34:21.380 right? Okay. And what happens is they get engaged. 00:34:21.699 --> 00:34:24.659 They feel like they're part of the process. They 00:34:24.659 --> 00:34:26.619 feel like they're, and it's, they feel like it's 00:34:26.619 --> 00:34:29.739 part of their decision, right? Because it's, 00:34:29.739 --> 00:34:32.219 they're owning it. Okay. This kid is putting 00:34:32.219 --> 00:34:34.800 a plan together to put his family back together. 00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:37.539 And he asked me a very poignant question that 00:34:37.539 --> 00:34:39.460 a 14 year old would ask you, right? He's like, 00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:42.400 why do I have to put the plan together? I said, 00:34:42.420 --> 00:34:44.500 I could do it. I could put the plan together 00:34:44.500 --> 00:34:46.420 and hand it to you. But if I put it together 00:34:46.420 --> 00:34:48.699 and I hand it to you, who owns it? He goes, you 00:34:48.699 --> 00:34:51.000 do. I said, if you put it together and hand it 00:34:51.000 --> 00:34:53.239 to me, who owns it? He goes, I do. I go, who 00:34:53.239 --> 00:34:55.699 needs to own it? He goes, I do. All of a sudden, 00:34:55.760 --> 00:35:00.500 okay, you literally as a parent and as a friend, 00:35:00.659 --> 00:35:04.280 okay, you can pull so much out of these kids. 00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:09.210 If you just ask. teenagers love to do the Heisman. 00:35:09.210 --> 00:35:10.989 We call it the Heisman. They love to say, talk 00:35:10.989 --> 00:35:12.769 to the hand. The last thing in the world you 00:35:12.769 --> 00:35:14.670 can do, the worst thing in the world you can 00:35:14.670 --> 00:35:17.110 do as a parent is just throw up your hands and 00:35:17.110 --> 00:35:20.090 go whatever and walk out the door. Okay. You 00:35:20.090 --> 00:35:24.530 need to stand your ground. You need to care enough 00:35:24.530 --> 00:35:28.769 to ask. Okay. Period. And you're going to lose 00:35:28.769 --> 00:35:31.900 that kid. If you walk out that door because you 00:35:31.900 --> 00:35:33.900 just proved to them through your actions, not 00:35:33.900 --> 00:35:36.320 your words, through your actions, that you care 00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:38.719 more about yourself than you do about them. That's 00:35:38.719 --> 00:35:41.360 how you lose your kid. And by the way, there 00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:43.719 are people out there that will care more about 00:35:43.719 --> 00:35:46.900 your kid and the kid will find them. And typically 00:35:46.900 --> 00:35:48.840 they don't have their best interest at heart. 00:35:52.119 --> 00:35:54.079 That's more of an answer than you wanted. I get 00:35:54.079 --> 00:35:56.679 it, but. No, that's right. That's right. Which 00:35:56.679 --> 00:36:00.710 actually. You answered pretty much my next question 00:36:00.710 --> 00:36:05.530 all in one. Okay, to wrap things up, okay, what's 00:36:05.530 --> 00:36:08.469 one question my listeners should start asking 00:36:08.469 --> 00:36:13.929 today to enhance their networking skills? That's 00:36:13.929 --> 00:36:16.829 a great question. I would say is this, if you're 00:36:16.829 --> 00:36:20.829 going to a networking event, ask yourself this 00:36:20.829 --> 00:36:25.320 question, what do I want out of that event? And 00:36:25.320 --> 00:36:29.340 what am I willing to accept before I leave? What's 00:36:29.340 --> 00:36:34.599 my goal? And what's my minimum amount? Or in 00:36:34.599 --> 00:36:37.619 other words, if your goal is to meet eight people, 00:36:37.719 --> 00:36:40.340 then you need eight people and eight people's 00:36:40.340 --> 00:36:42.360 contact information before you leave tonight. 00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:46.980 Okay? But ask yourself that question. The other 00:36:46.980 --> 00:36:49.840 thing that you want to do, pardon me, the other 00:36:49.840 --> 00:36:51.880 thing you want to do is you want to ask the people 00:36:51.880 --> 00:36:55.139 that are in the networking event, What do you 00:36:55.139 --> 00:36:57.980 do for a living? And how can I help you? How 00:36:57.980 --> 00:37:01.820 can I help you succeed? Okay. It's all about, 00:37:01.900 --> 00:37:03.820 it's just like when we were talking about mentoring, 00:37:03.940 --> 00:37:06.219 right? Because what's going to happen is when 00:37:06.219 --> 00:37:07.820 you go to these networking events, you're going 00:37:07.820 --> 00:37:09.980 to meet people from all walks of life. You're 00:37:09.980 --> 00:37:12.219 going to meet people from different industries, 00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:14.840 right? And different life stories and different 00:37:14.840 --> 00:37:17.539 sets of, we call them frames of reference, right? 00:37:17.699 --> 00:37:20.280 They have life experiences that have helped them 00:37:20.280 --> 00:37:22.599 to look at the world the way they look at it 00:37:22.599 --> 00:37:26.880 now. They can teach you a lot. They can teach 00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:30.340 you a lot. You can help them in the process, 00:37:30.599 --> 00:37:33.880 right? Just figure out a way to ask them, what's 00:37:33.880 --> 00:37:36.820 your single biggest challenge right now? And 00:37:36.820 --> 00:37:41.239 how can I help you with it? It's great because, 00:37:41.300 --> 00:37:44.280 again, you've hit so many different things on 00:37:44.280 --> 00:37:48.639 that one answer. Because you, first of all, whenever 00:37:48.639 --> 00:37:50.420 you go to a networking event, you always look 00:37:50.420 --> 00:37:54.019 to give rather than receive. But the main question, 00:37:54.099 --> 00:37:57.219 the main thing that you would ask, that I would 00:37:57.219 --> 00:38:00.059 ask, if I was talking to you and we were sitting 00:38:00.059 --> 00:38:03.239 in a networking table, I would say, how can I 00:38:03.239 --> 00:38:06.679 make you more successful? How can I be a good 00:38:06.679 --> 00:38:10.159 referral source for you? And I say this and do 00:38:10.159 --> 00:38:13.159 this without you even knowing what I do. But 00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:17.420 I am there to give rather than receive. Mike, 00:38:18.119 --> 00:38:20.480 I have to tell you, I could go on for three hours 00:38:20.480 --> 00:38:24.260 talking to you, but I'm afraid we can't do that 00:38:24.260 --> 00:38:28.179 on this podcast. So if anybody wants to get hold 00:38:28.179 --> 00:38:31.400 of you, either A, talking about a book, coaching, 00:38:31.639 --> 00:38:34.780 mentoring, or just to say hi, how would they 00:38:34.780 --> 00:38:37.239 get hold of you? So it's really easy to get me 00:38:37.239 --> 00:38:40.789 on LinkedIn. My cell phone number and my email 00:38:40.789 --> 00:38:42.969 address are on LinkedIn. So when you hit the 00:38:42.969 --> 00:38:45.909 contact info for me, you don't just get a LinkedIn 00:38:45.909 --> 00:38:48.630 link. By the way, that's a recommendation for 00:38:48.630 --> 00:38:50.469 the people that are listening to this. If you're 00:38:50.469 --> 00:38:53.110 on LinkedIn and you want to do business, don't 00:38:53.110 --> 00:38:57.650 send people on a loop, okay? If you put your 00:38:57.650 --> 00:39:00.010 contact information where it says contact info 00:39:00.010 --> 00:39:04.449 instead of a link back to your profile, all they're 00:39:04.449 --> 00:39:08.190 doing is going back. Come on, man. So you can 00:39:08.190 --> 00:39:10.130 message me through there. Of course, you're welcome 00:39:10.130 --> 00:39:12.409 to send me an email. You're welcome to call me. 00:39:12.670 --> 00:39:14.449 Like I said, my cell phone number's on there. 00:39:15.010 --> 00:39:17.869 You can also reach me. You can just type in the 00:39:17.869 --> 00:39:20.389 Mike Litton experience in Google and there's 00:39:20.389 --> 00:39:23.630 all kinds of ways to get me. I'm at reo760 .com, 00:39:23.789 --> 00:39:25.449 the whole thing. Super easy to get ahold of. 00:39:26.510 --> 00:39:29.230 Mike, thanks a lot for coming on the podcast. 00:39:29.590 --> 00:39:33.340 And I really had a good time. I did too. Well, 00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:36.320 hold on, folks. Don't go anywhere. Let me just 00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:39.500 read a few of our sponsors that we have. Struggling 00:39:39.500 --> 00:39:43.059 to read success? Maybe it's time to quit. In 00:39:43.059 --> 00:39:46.880 Quit Your Way to Success by Rodney Davis. This 00:39:46.880 --> 00:39:50.519 reveals 27 steps to breaking bad habits that 00:39:50.519 --> 00:39:54.059 hold you back. 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Revved Up Kids is 00:40:27.690 --> 00:40:31.150 on a mission to protect children and teens from 00:40:31.150 --> 00:40:34.010 sexual abuse, exploitation, and trafficking. 00:40:34.250 --> 00:40:36.929 They provide prevention training programs for 00:40:36.929 --> 00:40:40.570 children, teens, and adults. To learn more, go 00:40:40.570 --> 00:40:45.429 to revvedupkids .org. That's R -E -V -V -E -D 00:40:45.429 --> 00:40:52.630 -U -P -K -I -D -S dot org. Well, that's a wrap, 00:40:52.690 --> 00:40:55.539 folks. A huge thank you to our special guests 00:40:55.539 --> 00:40:58.880 for sharing such incredible insights today. And 00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:02.260 of course, a big shout out to you, our amazing 00:41:02.260 --> 00:41:05.179 listeners, for tuning in and spending your time 00:41:05.179 --> 00:41:09.079 with us. Remember, networking isn't about being 00:41:09.079 --> 00:41:12.420 perfect. It's about being present. So take what 00:41:12.420 --> 00:41:15.000 you've learned today, get out there and make 00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:18.000 some meaningful connections. If you enjoyed this 00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:20.989 episode. don't forget to subscribe, leave us 00:41:20.989 --> 00:41:23.610 a review, and share it with someone who could 00:41:23.610 --> 00:41:26.909 use a little networking inspiration. Let's keep 00:41:26.909 --> 00:41:30.610 the conversation going. You can find me on Apple, 00:41:30.750 --> 00:41:35.309 Spotify, YouTube, or my website, michaelaforman 00:41:35.309 --> 00:41:38.750 .com. Remember, until next time, keep practicing, 00:41:39.030 --> 00:41:41.929 keep connecting, and keep building those relationships. 00:41:42.469 --> 00:41:45.510 This is Michael A. Foreman signing off. Take 00:41:45.510 --> 00:41:47.170 care and happy networking.