Hello, and welcome to Networking Unleashed, Building
Profitable Connections. Welcome back to the show,
folks. I'm your host, Michael Foreman, and you're
listening to the podcast where networking is
more than just an awkward handshake at Bad Coffee.
It's an art and a talent. But here's the twist.
It's an art and talent you can actually learn.
Yes, even if you're the person hiding in the
corner at every event pretending to check emails.
Networking isn't just a nice skill to have, it's
a game changer. And when you get good at it,
you'll wonder why you didn't start sooner. More
connections, more opportunities, more profits.
It's like unlocking a cheat code for life. So
whether you're the life of the party or just
let me stay at home and text type, we've got...
Something for you. So stick around and let's
turn those awkward small talk moments into big
wins. Now, I've got a wonderful guest today.
His name is Dr. Kyle Elliott. And he is, let
me read you his bio. Dr. Elliott is the founder
and career coach behind caffeinatedkyle .com.
His expertise is Silicon Valley and high -tech.
As a result of working with Dr. Elliott, senior
managers and executives have landed jobs at Meta,
Amazon, Google, and nearly every other tech giant
you can imagine. Without further ado, I'd like
to introduce you to Kyle, and I'll let him tell
you a little bit more about his background. How
are you doing, Kyle? I am doing so great. Thank
you for having me. I'm so excited to be speaking
about this important topic today. As you said,
it can be awkward for people to network, and
I'm excited for us to talk about that, especially
for introverts, where it can be such a drain
on their energy. Yes, yes. And listen, I go across
the country talking about networking and how
important it is face -to -face, through Zoom,
through the cell phone. It's why even bother?
You have to feel the vibe of the person, feel
the vibe of the room. And extroverts, it's real
easy. But introverts, this is your specialty.
What are some common misconceptions introverts
have about networking and how can they reframe
their mindset? I find for introverts, they often
think they have to be super talkative, they have
to be outgoing, and they have to change themselves.
When people see me, they assume I'm an extrovert
oftentimes, unless you're a fellow introvert
who really knows what introversion is. People
assume you have to be talkative, you have to
be outgoing. I find instead, I would lean into
your strengths. If you're someone who's more
introverted, you're more contemplative, you're
more thoughtful. I would lean into that. For
me, it's asking questions. Unless I'm on a podcast
or doing a speaking engagement, it's asking a
lot of thoughtful questions. It's having those
one -on -one conversations. So instead of feeling
like you have to step way outside your comfort
zone, yes, there's benefits of stepping outside
your comfort zone. But can you lean into that
instead, those strengths that you have? Ask thoughtful
questions. Have one -on -one conversations. Instead
of feeling like you have to be the life of the
party. and going up and sparking tons of conversations,
focus on that one -on -one and it can be a game
changer. That's great. And one thing that I always
keep in mind when, especially I'm an extrovert,
obviously, but even for introverts, when you're
speaking with somebody, you remember the word
form, F -O -R -M. Family, occupation, recreation,
and a message. So you can start talking about
family, their husband, their wife, their sister,
brother, son, daughter, whatever, and have them
talk because people love to speak and talk about
themselves. So they can talk and talk. But you
can move the conversation to occupation, to recreation.
What do you do? Do you ski? You know, go boating,
whatever you have. But the whole idea is to because.
There's a mantra in networking. Know you, like
you, trust you, then they'll do business with
you. And that trust factor is so crucial that,
look, know you and like you. Look, everybody
knows you. Everybody likes you. Not everybody
will like you, but it's narrowing the field down
a little bit. But trust is such a crucial factor.
And you have 30 seconds, a minute. Five minutes,
10 minutes to build that trust factor and have
their wall come down. But instead of me doing
all the talking, let me ask you another question.
What's one simple strategy an introvert can use
to feel more comfortable walking into a networking
event? I would have some questions ready, have
some talking points. I find often going into
a networking event, people feel, oh gosh, I'm
going to be on the spot. So I encourage people
to develop some talking points, some questions.
It doesn't have to be super lengthy. But having
some go -to talking points. I love your form.
I've never heard that before. But have some talking
points. Are you going to ask people, how did
you hear about this conference or networking
event? Or are you going to ask people, how's
your day going? Whatever those questions or talking
points are, having some ready can be super powerful.
So then if you get stuck. you can then have something
you can turn to. It's like media training. You
just have your talking points that you keep coming
back to, and that can help alleviate those feelings
of doubt or nervousness. That's great. Great
advice also. What I try to tell people, especially
introverts, but this goes for both extroverts
and introverts, do a little preparation work.
Before you go to that networking event, there's
always that networking. meeting first with 300
people and it's like, oh my God, what do I do?
But there's always like tables set up and things
like that. They usually give out a flyer or something
about the networking event. Look at that flyer.
See the people that you want to go to, circle
them, do what you have to do, but you have a
plan. If you have a plan that gives you a little
confidence and you know as well as I do, confidence
is key. You feel confident with yourself. You
can take down mountains. Okay. How can introverts
leverage their natural strengths to build meaningful
connections? I would focus on that one -on -one.
I remember I was at a conference recently and
I saw some people standing alone. And I'm like,
hey, is this the introvert area? So going and
having those one -on -one conversations. Asking
those thoughtful questions and saying, OK, here
are my personally one of my strengths is asking
questions. So I'm going to lean into that. Or
maybe you like silence. Don't feel like you have
to fill up every sentence or every kind of silent
moment. But lean into that instead can be really
powerful. I also love that research ahead of
time. If you know there's going to be some certain
people at the conference or they give out often
an attendee list or directory, you can reach
out to people ahead of time. say, hey, I'd love
to set up a coffee. Don't feel like you have
to go to every single mingling event. But instead,
I was at a conference recently. Some people reached
out to me and I reached out to them and said,
hey, let's set up some coffee and have conversations.
You don't always have to go in and just feel
like you have to go around the room talking to
every single person. Sometimes two or three really
deep conversations can be better than just a
bunch of 20, 30 second meet and greets. That's
true. I love what you said when you say, hey,
is this the introvert's corner? That's a great
icebreaker. And usually you'll get a laugh out
of it and that will start you on your way. One
thing that I say about people walking to a networking
event and walking up to a table, the first thing
that they do is listen. You don't talk. You just
wait. Listen for the conversation because that
conversation. may not be suitable for you so
you haven't said anything yet you quietly bow
out and you go to the next table because you
don't have to speak let's say it is a conversation
you want to be a part of let the conversation
come around to you because remember you are the
expert in your field so when the conversation
comes around to you say one or two sentences,
hopefully it's intelligent, and you'll spark
a reaction from two or three of the people, and
then you'll start your way. Okay, so what are
some practical ways to start and carry a conversation
without feeling awkward? I love the questions.
I love what you just said, listening there. I
just attended a sales training recently and someone
had the acronym WAIT. Why am I talking? And as
you're talking, I'm thinking, I think this could
be good for networking situations. I think sometimes
people are nervous and they keep talking. And
actually just listening can be really powerful
or asking a great question. Or if you know someone
in that environment, can you say, oh, this person
and actually call someone else out and point
to them? Oh, I just heard this person speak here.
So actually carrying the conversation instead
of feeling like you have to add a bunch of value,
that one or two sentences can be powerful instead
of dominating the conversation. I'm in a lot
of workshops or meetings, and I notice the people
who are really memorable sometimes only say a
line or two, but it's really powerful instead
of feeling like you have to fill all this empty
space. Yeah, no, that's true. Listening is such
an important skill because you have to learn
it as well. But let's take a scenario when you're
sitting down at a table with somebody else and
you're having the other person speak, talk, and
you're listening to them. Don't think about the
next thing that you want to say. Think about
what they are saying. and respond to them. And
when they're talking, there's a pause at the
end. That pause is so very important because
what does that tell them? You were listening.
Half of what's going on today, it's just listening.
So you're listening and you're responding to
what he had said. And whenever you go to these
events, I'm going to throw this in, it's out
of left field, but you always look to give. not
to receive. Always look to be that referral source.
And one thing that I coach my students is I tell
them at the end of their conversation, before
you say what you do, tell them, say to them,
say, you know something, I like you. I like what
you do. I like how you're doing it. How can I
make you more successful? How can I be a good
referral source for you? It usually blows them
away. Yeah. And then you exchange business cards.
You say then what you do. And here's a little
extra tip. When you get that his business card,
write down the date, the name of the function,
and something you spoke about. Because during
your follow -up, which is probably more important
than meeting the person, the follow -up, it will
come in very handy for that. I love that. It's
that being helpful. I call it serving. How can
I serve this person? How can I help them in that
moment? I think of it like planting seeds. How
am I planting seeds here and not expecting it
to grow right away, but instead I'm going to
cultivate it, water it. I love that. There's
farmers and there's hunters. Hunters is really
the way it used to be. You go out there and get,
how much can I do? How much business can I do?
But formers is you go out and you plant the seeds.
You say, how can I make you more successful?
How can I be a good referral source for you?
It changes the whole thing around a little bit,
but that's good. Love it. Okay. So how can introverts
follow up with new connections in a way that
in a way that feels authentic and not forced.
I think you just mentioned that that follow -up
is key. I think oftentimes you meet so many people
at a conference and then people forget to follow
up. And I think doing it in a way that feels
natural. I love writing, so it could be a message
and a thoughtful, customized message. I've been
to conferences and either before the conference
or after, both people send a mass message to
a bunch of people, either you're BCC'd. Or they
send an individual message, but it's clearly
just a template. I think it's powerful to be
thoughtful. I love setting a timer and saying,
for each person, I'm going to spend 10 minutes
thinking, what did we talk about? If you took
notes, that's great. Putting it on their business
card. Or I keep my phone and say, what did we
talk about? And I genuinely care. It's not just
so I can send you a message, but I really want
to be able to connect. And writing something
custom to that person and being thoughtful and
reflective can be powerful. I often find people
assume it has to be a follow -up call, but sending
a thoughtful email or a message can be powerful.
Or if you use LinkedIn or different platforms,
it can also be a voice memo. You can record a
voice memo and send something to say, hey, it
was great talking. Personally, I love snail mail
too. I love sending people a thank you card.
If you have their address, sending a message.
I love coffee, so I have a coaster. I send people
saying, hey, it was great connecting. Here was
something that we talked about as well. That's
great. Now, as a coach, that's one thing that
I profess. I always say, look, when you come
back from the event, send them a quick email,
just thanking them for their time. But the next
morning, you're ready for this. You write a handwritten
thank you note. And you just, hey, Dr. Kyle,
listen, I want to thank you for your time. It
was great spending time with you. Hope everything
is well, Michael. That's it. No business, no
anything. And send it. Because what I tell, again,
all of my students is imagine being the person
receiving the thank you note. And who does that
anymore? Except for my students, of course. And
it really puts you on top of mind and gives them
another reason to email or send you a card as
well. So it's very good. Yeah, it's watering.
You just keep watering all those seeds and people
don't water enough. See what sprouts. Yeah. What
comes up? It can really be fun when you're doing
it. When you do it right, it's fun. It becomes
like, oh, this is great. I want to do this again.
Because you meet so many people and do so many
things. But in a three or four hour event, I
used to come home with a shoebox full of business
cards and say, look how great I did. No, I didn't.
A three or four hour event. I feel that you should
come back with about 15 or 20 business cards
because those are the relationships that you
started, not a customer, but a relationship.
And the way that I explained the difference between
a customer relationship, a customer, if you go
to a supermarket and one of your customers, you
say, hi, Kyle, how you doing? Hey, how you doing?
And you're done. If it's a relationship, hey,
Kyle, how you doing? How's your? Wife, husband,
son, daughter, whatever. Oh, I heard he played
Little League. What position? And you have a
conversation. And then you move on. And that
also, hey, your second half will always say,
who was that? Oh, that was Michael. I met him
at a conference. Oh, that was very nice of him.
Whatever. And it just keeps you top of mind.
So that's a cute little way that I... I love
that. Yep. Okay. What are some low -pressure
networking approaches introverts can use, such
as online networking or small group interactions?
I love LinkedIn. That's my favorite way to network
because you can be brave for five or ten seconds.
You can be watching Netflix or Hulu or something
and then send a message to someone and say, I'm
going to reach out to this executive or this
ideal client and spark a relationship. Oftentimes,
as I shared earlier, you don't always have to
be, they're like, oh, do I have to request a
phone call or Zoom? You could, but it also can
just be messaging back and forth. I've had clients
who develop relationships with people and they've
actually never hopped on. a phone call or a Zoom.
You can be messaging back and forth. So that's
one of my favorite ways. A lot of my clients,
they're tech executives. They're very introverted.
They're also in Slack communities or Facebook
groups, or there's blind online community for
tech people and folks in startups. There's online
spaces you can be in where you can forge those
relationships as well. So yes. Going to meetups
and networking events can be powerful, but there's
also just online spaces and communities, either
one -on -one or groups. So when you think of
networking, it doesn't always have to be in person
either. Okay, so let me ask you a question. What
about local networking? What would you suggest
for local networking? I would find one that feels
comfortable. Don't feel like it has to be a huge
event either. Is there a small meetup group?
One of my clients is in like a tech dad's group
and it's a small group and they meet up for beer
every week and grab beer at the bar and it's
more casual. So I think finding one that feels
comfortable and then also going with a friend
or a colleague, that can help break the ice as
well. So you're not just walking around the room
alone, but instead is there someone who you can
go with can be powerful too. And I always suggest
joining a chamber of commerce because they have
weekly meetings and you can hone your message
without really honing your message, without really
saying in front of everybody. So you have it
with it, like my chamber of commerce, you have
45 seconds to say what you do and then you break
out into breakout sessions and you have two minutes.
That's not a very long time. And it's very good
for you just to, you know, keep up and hone your
skills. And you get into the 30 second elevator
speech and whether it's five seconds, 10 seconds
or 30 seconds, but it helps you hone all that.
So the in -person local meetings is great. But
as you said, those other groups are fantastic,
especially if you're introverted. Especially.
Yeah. What I like about that is there's a purpose
as well. So for someone who's, oh, this is scary.
I'm just going in. You know what to expect. You
can Google it. They have an agenda. Same with
Toastmasters. You know exactly what to expect.
So yes, it can be a little nerve wracking talking,
but you know exactly what to expect. And that
purpose can make it less intimidating as well.
Exactly. And the more times you go, the easier
it becomes. And what I say to people is, listen,
you want to learn how to network? First of all,
just go. Just go. The first time, you're going
to mess up. No doubt about it. The second time,
you're going to mess up just that much less.
And the third time, that much less. Fourth time.
And by the fifth time, it becomes old hat. And
you know what to say and know what not to say.
Especially about yourself, about your business,
about somebody else's business. It's very easy
to fall into a trap of... things not to say.
And then for the rest of the night, even though
that person may have forgotten about it, you'll
remember it. There's no tomorrow. Okay. What
about, what are some low pressure network? Did
I say that already? Okay. How can introverts
prepare for a networking event in advance to
reduce anxiety and boost confidence? We touched
on this before. Yeah, I think practice. I think
practicing is really key. Having someone you
trust who can practice with you is important.
Going over those talking points. I encourage
people not to have a script. Oftentimes people
have a script and then they feel like they're
going to memorize it and they skip a word. I
recommend talking points instead. Having a word.
or a few words that are going to guide you to
go through. Something that you can't memorize,
it's impossible because it's just words, can
be helpful and really powerful. Especially if
you're virtual, you can have those words in front
of you and then get used to it. And I find that's
a great way to get used to practicing. And then
over time, removing the amount of words that
are guiding you as well. And then videotape yourself
and watch it back. Oh, that's probably going
to scare a whole lot of people. Yeah, it's going
to scare them. I look like that. Oh, I sound
like that. Oh, no. But you're absolutely right.
That's the best way for them to get better at
what they do, for them to hone their skills.
And talk in front of your parents, your brothers,
your sisters, your friends. Just give a talk.
Give a five -minute talk, 10 -minute talk. can
see by the way that they respond on how you can
change your talk. It's very interesting. Okay,
so give me a personal networking success story
that you overcame discomfort and built a great
relationship. Two of my mentors who are now friends
now, I found them on LinkedIn. One of them, I
just reached out. They were involved in the NRWA,
the National Resume Writers Association. And
I was just reaching out to learn more about the
conference. And it just started with a quick
question. And now we're really close friends.
We text every day. I've visited her in Florida.
And it just started from a quick message. The
same with another mentor. I was just posting
on LinkedIn. We had a quick conversation. I was
on a podcast. We've now met in person. And it
just started from a quick message on LinkedIn
and chatting and saying, let me reach out. And
I think it just takes, at least as an introvert,
where it can feel uncomfortable at first reaching
out to a complete stranger, it just takes that
five seconds of bravery to, okay, let me reach
out. Let me make it past this discomfort. Okay,
and then I'm done. And it just takes that. I
have a client who has an emotional support pickle,
this stuffed pickle, and they just hold it and
they're like, okay, I'm going to do this scary
thing, send, I'm done. And then they move past
it. And that's what I think. I can just do this
brave thing for five seconds and then it can
result in this friendship or this mentor or this
new client. Great. I want to tell you, that's
great for building your self -confidence, but
as well as you're reaching out and you're actually
making friends. And with today's day and age,
with LinkedIn and everything else, your friends
could be anywhere. I do my podcast and I had
somebody from Australia, somebody from Israel,
somebody from Canada all in the same day. So
where can I network and have people like that?
So it's really an incredible thing. Okay. Very
important. What are some key body language and
nonverbal communication tips that introverts
feel more at ease? I find there's this misleading
advice sometimes where people always have to
be making eye contact. They feel like I always
have to be making eye contact. I don't agree
with that. I don't think you always have to be
doing that. I think part of it's cultural. It
can be intimidating if you're always doing that.
So I would encourage you to find what feels comfortable
for you. I think watching back that video of
yourself can be powerful. And I actually encourage
people to do it three times. Just watch the video.
See how you come across. just listen to the audio,
see what it's like, and then put them together
and see how you come across. If you notice someone
who's a good speaker and you go watch some good
speakers, whether it's a TED Talk or someone
delivering a keynote, you'll notice they're actually
not always giving eye contact. They're looking
around. If someone's giving too much eye contact,
it can be a lot. So I'd encourage you to do that
and find what feels natural for you. Yes. There's
power of stepping outside your comfort zone,
but you also have to find what feels natural
for you so you come off authentic as well. You're
absolutely right. And I started out when I first
started speaking, going on stages, keynotes,
I would just pick two or three people in the
audience. And those are the people I would concentrate
on. I wouldn't see anybody else. Whether there
was 10 people in the room or 100 people in the
room, it wouldn't make a difference. But that's
how I started. And then I... Got better, of course.
But that's, again, helped me build the confidence
and no fear. Give me one piece of advice you'd
give an introvert who wants to grow their network
but feels overwhelmed by the process. I would
set realistic expectations. I feel oftentimes
people set these huge lofty goals. I'm going
to reach out to 100 people or something. I would
set something small and achievable. Maybe I'm
going to send one message a week. I think of
it like planting those seeds. Okay, let's say
you do one a week. That's one of my favorite
goals to set, regardless of what the goal is.
When I was starting my blog on my website, I'm
like, I'm going to do one a week. That's 52 a
year. Even if you take two weeks off, that's
50 a year if you reach out to a person a week.
So I would set a small, achievable goal and then
find someone to help hold you accountable. Maybe
it's your partner. Maybe it's a friend. Have
them hold you. you accountable and say, okay,
here, I've done it. And then maybe you get ahead
one week, you send two or three messages and
you can take the next few weeks off, but it starts
adding up really quickly. And then what I always
find powerful is when people respond, when you
reach out to a stranger and they say, great,
I'll chat with you and they'll help. I'm always
amazed. I work with a lot of tech executives
and I say, sure, let me go reach out to this
person. And so sure, I'll talk with your client.
Or I had an executive at a company. I didn't
know them. I'm like, sure, I'll take your client
on a tour. I didn't know this person. They just
took my client on a tour of their headquarters
and then passed their resume along to hiring
managers. And it was a complete stranger. So
people are willing to help. You just have to
ask. Yes. It sounds you've had so much success
with introverts, extroverts and placing people,
helping people get placed. But I want you to
give me a mistake that you've made and how you
overcame it. I think one of the biggest mistakes
I've made is reaching out and just like being
too direct sometimes. I'm a very direct person,
but being like, here's exactly what I need, very
forward and not customizing it and making it
sound like I was messaging a bunch of people.
When I was first starting out, sometimes I would
just send a bunch of messages to a bunch of people
and not customize it. And when I go and look
back, I'm like, oh, this sounds like it was AI
before AI was a thing. So now when I do it, my
technique for both myself and when I coach people
is make sure it doesn't sound like AI. Spend
time customizing it for each person. Because
when I look back, I'm like, that was not a good
message. It sounds like a template. And I didn't
care about this person. I was just transacting.
That was very good. Very good. I'm glad you overcame
it as well. That was very sound advice. Kyle,
how could somebody get hold of you if they wanted
your services, they wanted to reach out to you,
or even be coached by you? What's the best way
for them to reach out to you? Yes, my website,
caffeinatedkyle .com. And then I spend a lot
of time on LinkedIn, Kyle Elliott with two L's
and two T's. Very good. Kyle, I will tell you,
it's been an absolute pleasure. discussing everything
with you today. And I'm just sorry we ran out
of time because we probably would sit here for
two more hours talking about the same things.
So I want to thank you again for coming on the
podcast. Yes, thank you for having me. Well,
hold on, folks. Don't go anywhere. Let me just
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-U -P -K -I -D -S .org. Well, that's a wrap,
folks. A huge thank you to our special guests
for sharing such incredible insights today. And
of course, a big shout out to you, our amazing
listeners, for tuning in and spending your time
with us. Remember, networking isn't about being
perfect. It's about being present. So take what
you've learned today, get out there and make
some meaningful connections. If you enjoyed this
episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave us
a review and share it with someone who could
use a little networking inspiration. Let's keep
the conversation going. You can find me on Apple,
Spotify, YouTube or my website. Michael A. Foreman,
remember, until next time, keep practicing, keep
connecting, and keep building those relationships.
This is Michael A. Foreman signing off. Take
care and happy networking.