WEBVTT 00:00:00.940 --> 00:00:03.700 Have you ever looked successful on the outside, 00:00:03.940 --> 00:00:07.139 but inside you feel like you cannot exhale? So 00:00:07.139 --> 00:00:09.539 I just finished recording with a Daku and Bobby 00:00:09.539 --> 00:00:12.699 and I'm telling you straight this one is for 00:00:12.699 --> 00:00:16.379 the people who carry Everybody the fixers the 00:00:16.379 --> 00:00:20.039 responsible ones the ones who are always Fine, 00:00:20.160 --> 00:00:23.059 right? I'm gonna tell you what what really got 00:00:23.059 --> 00:00:26.440 me. We were talking about to Mexico her day -to 00:00:26.440 --> 00:00:30.250 -day and she casually says She's been working 00:00:30.250 --> 00:00:33.130 four to six hours a week for almost three years 00:00:33.130 --> 00:00:36.070 on purpose. And it's not because she's lazy. 00:00:36.649 --> 00:00:38.630 It's because she's been working since she has 00:00:38.630 --> 00:00:42.310 been eight years old and her system needs to 00:00:42.310 --> 00:00:46.750 calm down. That right there told me what this 00:00:46.750 --> 00:00:49.530 whole episode really is all about. And it's not 00:00:49.530 --> 00:00:52.130 about doing more. It's about breaking the pattern 00:00:52.130 --> 00:00:54.170 that keeps you performing while you're empty. 00:00:54.710 --> 00:00:58.679 So you're going to hear her. explain why firstborn 00:00:58.679 --> 00:01:02.079 daughters and high performers learn to earn love 00:01:02.079 --> 00:01:04.780 through sacrifice. You're going to hear her break 00:01:04.780 --> 00:01:08.819 down triggers and way that puts the power back 00:01:08.819 --> 00:01:12.319 into your hands. And you're going to get a simple 00:01:12.319 --> 00:01:16.019 boundary check you can use immediately. So do 00:01:16.019 --> 00:01:18.719 I actually have the capacity to give right now? 00:01:18.799 --> 00:01:20.859 You should ask yourself. And if the answer is 00:01:20.859 --> 00:01:24.560 no, the boundary is no. Right? So do me a favor. 00:01:24.840 --> 00:01:27.319 Write this down or answer it in your head. Where 00:01:27.319 --> 00:01:31.819 in your life are you giving on YouTube? What's 00:01:31.819 --> 00:01:33.459 up, fam? Before we get into this conversation, 00:01:33.579 --> 00:01:35.480 let me say this. Look, I know it's a thing, right? 00:01:35.980 --> 00:01:38.420 But if what we do here on this channel speaks 00:01:38.420 --> 00:01:41.120 to you, if it lifts you, centers you, or helps 00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:44.959 you see your life a little clearer, I invite 00:01:44.959 --> 00:01:47.579 you to like the video and subscribe so you stay 00:01:47.579 --> 00:01:50.280 connected. And if you want these conversations 00:01:50.280 --> 00:01:52.920 with you beyond YouTube, download the Travel 00:01:52.920 --> 00:01:55.459 Journey podcast on your favorite RSS platform. 00:01:55.859 --> 00:01:59.000 It is a small ass that goes a long way and it 00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:01.700 really truly helps us create the kind of content 00:02:01.700 --> 00:02:05.359 that doesn't just entertain but actually supports 00:02:05.359 --> 00:02:09.080 your journey of growth and alignment. So hit 00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:13.539 that like, subscribe, let's breathe in, get present. 00:02:13.639 --> 00:02:16.719 step into the conversation. Welcome to another 00:02:16.719 --> 00:02:20.180 episode of The Thravo Journey. I am thoroughly 00:02:20.180 --> 00:02:26.319 excited for our guest today and you know it's 00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:28.259 just it's exciting to have you on and I just 00:02:28.259 --> 00:02:30.539 wanted to say thank you for being here Adaku 00:02:30.539 --> 00:02:34.219 and just welcome to Thravo Journey and how are 00:02:34.219 --> 00:02:38.800 you doing today? I am wonderful thank you thanks 00:02:38.800 --> 00:02:40.860 for having me it's a pleasure to be on I look 00:02:40.860 --> 00:02:43.629 forward to our conversation. Yeah, you know, 00:02:44.969 --> 00:02:49.729 when Yvonne, she's the producer here, when she 00:02:49.729 --> 00:02:51.830 basically went through your story and everything 00:02:51.830 --> 00:02:53.370 and shared it with me, I was like, oh my God, 00:02:53.370 --> 00:02:55.430 I'm so excited to have you on. And I know we 00:02:55.430 --> 00:02:57.389 were supposed to do it maybe last year or something 00:02:57.389 --> 00:02:59.969 like that, and some things changed, but it works 00:02:59.969 --> 00:03:02.689 perfectly for where we are now. It really falls 00:03:02.689 --> 00:03:08.409 right in line. I know that people that you work 00:03:08.409 --> 00:03:13.000 with are what you call high achievers. like first 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:16.900 born daughters right is that correct yeah yeah 00:03:16.900 --> 00:03:19.240 so that's cool so but just so that you know we 00:03:19.240 --> 00:03:20.919 could just kind of get to the present day and 00:03:20.919 --> 00:03:24.280 the audience feels like who you are now um where 00:03:24.280 --> 00:03:27.539 are you where are you calling from i actually 00:03:27.539 --> 00:03:31.080 live in tulum mexico right now oh that's that's 00:03:31.080 --> 00:03:34.099 cool okay so what is it a normal day like you 00:03:34.099 --> 00:03:39.449 day like for you It kind of ebbs and flows so 00:03:39.449 --> 00:03:41.849 for the last two and a half almost three years 00:03:41.849 --> 00:03:44.710 I've actually not really worked. I've been working 00:03:44.710 --> 00:03:47.569 four to six hours a week intentionally to just 00:03:47.569 --> 00:03:51.770 kind of calm down because I've been very much 00:03:51.770 --> 00:03:54.729 working since the age of eight years old so I 00:03:54.729 --> 00:03:57.289 gave myself that time off and then towards the 00:03:57.289 --> 00:03:59.509 end of last year I wanted to get back into work 00:03:59.509 --> 00:04:01.610 but then I had a surgery which is why we couldn't 00:04:01.610 --> 00:04:06.930 have the conversation. Doctors didn't prepare 00:04:06.930 --> 00:04:08.689 me for how long the recovery was going to be 00:04:08.689 --> 00:04:13.090 and it was pretty tough. So now, so before... 00:04:12.699 --> 00:04:15.759 post me getting back into work my life was kind 00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:17.860 of like I wake up what do I want to do go to 00:04:17.860 --> 00:04:21.040 the gym go to the beach come back cook some food 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:24.220 it was just very kind of fluid and Tulum is that 00:04:24.220 --> 00:04:27.379 way it's a spiritual community so it's very go 00:04:27.379 --> 00:04:29.779 with the flow like follow your heart what you 00:04:29.779 --> 00:04:32.500 feel called to so yeah I've been in that life 00:04:32.500 --> 00:04:34.240 for a while but I'm actually moving to Dubai 00:04:34.240 --> 00:04:38.060 in April because I'm ready to build so that's 00:04:38.060 --> 00:04:41.319 awesome energy so yeah each day looks different 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:45.740 I love that. I think that is a great way to live, 00:04:45.899 --> 00:04:50.660 first and foremost. I had that kind of life for 00:04:50.660 --> 00:04:52.480 a moment, and then somewhere I just kind of got 00:04:52.480 --> 00:04:54.819 out of it. But I'm looking to get back there 00:04:54.819 --> 00:04:57.879 now. My sister, one of my sisters, she's moving 00:04:57.879 --> 00:05:00.379 to Thailand in September, her and her husband 00:05:00.379 --> 00:05:02.519 are building a house out there. And she was like, 00:05:02.519 --> 00:05:04.240 you need to come out. I was like, yes, I will 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:07.399 do that. Because what you just described is kind 00:05:07.399 --> 00:05:09.839 of what I want to have for my life for at least 00:05:09.839 --> 00:05:12.800 for a few months, you know? This is a good thing. 00:05:13.399 --> 00:05:18.480 But I started off in a conversation where I said 00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:22.560 you deal with high performers, first daughters. 00:05:23.920 --> 00:05:28.939 Why is that? Why first daughters or why high 00:05:28.939 --> 00:05:35.180 performers or why both? Why both? Okay. So I 00:05:35.180 --> 00:05:39.050 am a first born daughter. I, my career after 00:05:39.050 --> 00:05:42.050 I graduated was in recruitment into the healthcare 00:05:42.050 --> 00:05:45.009 industry. I worked for a corporate boutique and 00:05:45.009 --> 00:05:47.290 then a startup before I started my own business. 00:05:48.730 --> 00:05:51.970 And by year four of my business, I was doing 00:05:51.970 --> 00:05:54.550 well, but I was a little bit like, I don't like 00:05:54.550 --> 00:05:57.470 this business. I don't want to do it. So not 00:05:57.470 --> 00:06:01.110 good. And then everyone was like, you should 00:06:01.110 --> 00:06:02.910 be a coach. You should be a coach. And I was 00:06:02.910 --> 00:06:07.329 like, I'll just stop because firstly, I've been 00:06:07.329 --> 00:06:08.870 taking care of people all of my life and now 00:06:08.870 --> 00:06:10.550 you want me to go and find strangers to take 00:06:10.550 --> 00:06:14.449 care of? Why would I do that? And then secondly, 00:06:15.689 --> 00:06:18.389 the coaching market, everyone was calling themselves 00:06:18.389 --> 00:06:22.930 a coach. So it had this kind of used car salesman 00:06:22.930 --> 00:06:25.529 type reputation. I was like, why would I want 00:06:25.529 --> 00:06:27.889 to associate myself with that? So I resisted 00:06:27.889 --> 00:06:32.870 it for a long time. And then in 2016, I eventually 00:06:32.870 --> 00:06:35.509 kind of gave into it and started thinking, OK, 00:06:35.649 --> 00:06:38.230 well, maybe everything I've gone through was 00:06:38.230 --> 00:06:41.189 impacted, kind of drift on what you said in terms 00:06:41.189 --> 00:06:43.889 of how our experiences lead to our purpose. Maybe 00:06:43.889 --> 00:06:46.430 I went through that to help other people that 00:06:46.430 --> 00:06:49.930 are where I was at the depth of my despair to 00:06:49.930 --> 00:06:51.649 come through. And when I started working with 00:06:51.649 --> 00:06:54.970 people, I started realizing I have a gift for 00:06:54.970 --> 00:07:00.509 it, but my gift is very... Intense is a nice 00:07:00.509 --> 00:07:02.529 way to put it. It's very cut through. So one 00:07:02.529 --> 00:07:05.310 of my clients described it as working with you 00:07:05.310 --> 00:07:08.509 is like being guided to the edge of a cliff and 00:07:08.509 --> 00:07:10.889 being told, trust me, just before I'm pushed 00:07:10.889 --> 00:07:13.149 off. And then halfway down, I realized I can 00:07:13.149 --> 00:07:16.209 fly, which sounds crazy and intense. But the 00:07:16.209 --> 00:07:19.670 reason for high performers is because entrepreneurs 00:07:19.670 --> 00:07:23.449 and executives, they used to be in high stress 00:07:23.449 --> 00:07:26.730 environments and they are kind of trained to 00:07:26.730 --> 00:07:29.870 perform in that. So I started off working with 00:07:29.870 --> 00:07:32.009 everyone and I found that the people who really 00:07:32.009 --> 00:07:34.790 loved the fact that my work passed straight through 00:07:34.790 --> 00:07:37.550 gives you an action, you go take it. whether 00:07:37.550 --> 00:07:40.129 high performers, whether it's athletes, whether 00:07:40.129 --> 00:07:42.730 it's executives, entrepreneurs, they were like, 00:07:42.769 --> 00:07:44.810 oh my gosh, this is a breath of fresh air. I'm 00:07:44.810 --> 00:07:46.949 not wasting my time. I can do this. Whereas everyone 00:07:46.949 --> 00:07:49.029 else was like, oh my gosh, this is too much. 00:07:49.170 --> 00:07:53.269 So I niched onto high performance because I saw 00:07:53.269 --> 00:07:55.949 that those were who were resonating with my work. 00:07:56.290 --> 00:07:58.149 And then in terms of first born daughters, a 00:07:58.149 --> 00:08:01.069 year and a half ago, I had niched to working 00:08:01.069 --> 00:08:04.939 with female entrepreneurs. and executives and 00:08:04.939 --> 00:08:07.060 I didn't know that every single one of my client 00:08:07.060 --> 00:08:09.779 was a firstborn daughter until in one week both 00:08:09.779 --> 00:08:12.060 of them asked for coaching on their dynamic with 00:08:12.060 --> 00:08:14.439 their firstborn daughter and I was like hold 00:08:14.439 --> 00:08:18.240 on you're asking me to work help you work through 00:08:18.240 --> 00:08:20.199 things that you've had to resolve with your parents 00:08:20.199 --> 00:08:22.959 so you're repeating the pattern and I said oh 00:08:22.959 --> 00:08:25.420 my gosh I had the same dynamic with my mum and 00:08:25.420 --> 00:08:28.240 then I stepped back and I was like Every single 00:08:28.240 --> 00:08:30.279 one of my female clients are firstborn daughters. 00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:33.179 There's something here. And I googled and I saw 00:08:33.179 --> 00:08:34.899 that there was official research that started 00:08:34.899 --> 00:08:36.779 to come out on the eldest daughter syndrome, 00:08:37.200 --> 00:08:39.059 which will make a lot of firstborn daughters 00:08:39.059 --> 00:08:43.139 count themselves out. But whether you're an only 00:08:43.139 --> 00:08:46.899 girl child, a youngest girl of older brothers, 00:08:47.179 --> 00:08:49.860 you can kind of see yourself in the findings 00:08:49.860 --> 00:08:51.440 that they're finding out. And I was like, OK, 00:08:51.519 --> 00:08:55.409 well, maybe I've been training to do something 00:08:55.409 --> 00:08:57.490 about breaking this generational pattern that 00:08:57.490 --> 00:09:01.029 seems to follow the firstborn every time they 00:09:01.029 --> 00:09:03.889 they come into the world so that's yeah it's 00:09:03.889 --> 00:09:06.570 firstborn adults you know what there's a couple 00:09:06.570 --> 00:09:11.950 things there one um i do uh i wasn't i was an 00:09:11.950 --> 00:09:13.549 acting coach because that was my world entertainment 00:09:13.549 --> 00:09:17.149 uh tv acting in front of the camera also did 00:09:17.149 --> 00:09:19.570 producing all that concept as well um and then 00:09:19.570 --> 00:09:23.440 i shipped it into people like you know was always 00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:25.860 offering advice and then I went through a whole 00:09:25.860 --> 00:09:28.240 bunch of stuff which is you know, my purpose 00:09:28.240 --> 00:09:32.860 after disruption, right and I think what makes 00:09:32.860 --> 00:09:36.039 Along with maybe certifications or not or whatever 00:09:36.039 --> 00:09:38.379 what I think what makes a coach a powerful coach 00:09:38.379 --> 00:09:41.480 is Going through what they went through them 00:09:41.480 --> 00:09:45.019 on the other side and then been able to see where 00:09:45.019 --> 00:09:48.100 their clients are or you know possible clients 00:09:48.100 --> 00:09:50.539 are and be able to guide them through with what 00:09:50.539 --> 00:09:54.159 they're going through and like a person in your 00:09:54.159 --> 00:09:56.600 situation is probably a perfect person for the 00:09:56.600 --> 00:09:59.840 people that are attracted to you. And that could 00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:04.460 be, you know, like your superpower, right? I 00:10:04.460 --> 00:10:07.539 agree. And I think I do think so a lot of people 00:10:07.539 --> 00:10:10.419 would kind of say, Oh, what are what are your 00:10:10.419 --> 00:10:12.600 qualifications? I'm like the school of life. 00:10:15.740 --> 00:10:18.700 that they've had therapy for 25 years and what 00:10:18.700 --> 00:10:20.320 they were able to achieve with me in a couple 00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:22.740 of months they weren't able to even kind of shift 00:10:22.740 --> 00:10:26.299 the penny on and I think it's because they there's 00:10:26.299 --> 00:10:28.240 only so much that they can tell me that they 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:30.769 can get away with because I'm like yes, this 00:10:30.769 --> 00:10:32.730 is how you felt, right? And this is what you 00:10:32.730 --> 00:10:34.450 felt you wanted to do, right? And this is how 00:10:34.450 --> 00:10:36.210 you got stopped, right? So it's like, they're 00:10:36.210 --> 00:10:38.529 like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's nowhere to 00:10:38.529 --> 00:10:40.169 hide from there. So it's like, okay, are you 00:10:40.169 --> 00:10:42.470 gonna stay here or are we gonna move forward 00:10:42.470 --> 00:10:44.570 now? And they're like, I guess we're gonna move 00:10:44.570 --> 00:10:47.809 forward, you know? So being able to know that 00:10:47.809 --> 00:10:51.610 I see them and I feel them in terms of I've been 00:10:51.610 --> 00:10:55.350 there, done that, like from whatever level of 00:10:55.350 --> 00:10:58.950 I've had the suicide attempts, I've had the breakdowns, 00:10:58.950 --> 00:11:02.539 I've had... this like whatever it is I've probably 00:11:02.539 --> 00:11:06.100 experienced it so it allows me to coach from 00:11:06.100 --> 00:11:10.200 a relatable place rather than kind of regurgitating 00:11:10.200 --> 00:11:13.399 formulas and models. Not to say that anything 00:11:13.399 --> 00:11:16.659 goes wrong with that but I do feel that it allows 00:11:16.659 --> 00:11:19.500 people to put their guards down a lot quicker 00:11:19.500 --> 00:11:22.299 when they know that they're seen. Yeah it's a 00:11:22.299 --> 00:11:24.799 lived experience I think that really helps people 00:11:24.799 --> 00:11:28.909 relate to you know you know, people as a coach, 00:11:28.990 --> 00:11:30.870 when they go, when they apply with their lived 00:11:30.870 --> 00:11:32.669 experiences, because there's some, you know, 00:11:32.730 --> 00:11:35.009 understanding, there's a little empathy there. 00:11:35.009 --> 00:11:37.309 But there's also that coaching to get, you know, 00:11:37.370 --> 00:11:39.529 somebody through to the other side. And you talked 00:11:39.529 --> 00:11:43.789 about first, first born daughters, is that like 00:11:43.789 --> 00:11:47.149 a personality type? Or is that like an identity 00:11:47.149 --> 00:11:51.889 imprint? What is that? It can be both. It's the 00:11:51.889 --> 00:11:55.330 birth order as on the basic level, it's the first 00:11:55.330 --> 00:11:59.360 girl that's born to two people, a man and a woman. 00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:02.779 And I don't know, I haven't figured out exactly 00:12:02.779 --> 00:12:06.039 what causes it yet, but there seems to be this 00:12:06.039 --> 00:12:09.960 pressure and expectation that's put on that first 00:12:09.960 --> 00:12:13.889 born. a lot of them, not all of them, have this 00:12:13.889 --> 00:12:16.990 sense of responsibility for their parents, whether 00:12:16.990 --> 00:12:20.730 it's to provide support in terms of caring for 00:12:20.730 --> 00:12:23.970 their siblings or to support their parents emotionally. 00:12:24.909 --> 00:12:28.750 There's this pressure of being perfect and... 00:12:28.779 --> 00:12:32.080 kind of achieving, being a high achiever, being 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:35.399 the good girl, being the apple of a parent's 00:12:35.399 --> 00:12:40.519 eye. So all of these things have, it does cultivate 00:12:40.519 --> 00:12:44.460 this kind of personality, you ask. A lot of first 00:12:44.460 --> 00:12:48.100 born daughters are usually right, so they feel 00:12:48.100 --> 00:12:54.080 right most of the time. So it's kind of like 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:56.320 a, I told you so, I told you so, because they're 00:12:56.320 --> 00:12:59.240 so used to anticipating things and thinking about 00:12:59.240 --> 00:13:01.059 other and that's another trait. They tend to 00:13:01.059 --> 00:13:04.000 be hyper vigilant, so they can sense what's going 00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:08.139 on with people and kind of anticipating. and 00:13:08.139 --> 00:13:10.580 show up to resolve problems which makes them 00:13:10.580 --> 00:13:13.720 good problem solvers. A lot of them tend to be 00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:16.480 extremely caring which is a good trait until 00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:20.419 it flips into self -sacrificial caring where 00:13:20.419 --> 00:13:23.100 they're operating from deficit and that's when 00:13:23.100 --> 00:13:26.480 they become resentful, a lot of them. So there 00:13:26.480 --> 00:13:29.879 are certain traits that first born daughters 00:13:29.879 --> 00:13:34.440 pick up that on to an extent can be amazing traits 00:13:34.440 --> 00:13:36.980 and get them far but then there comes this kind 00:13:36.980 --> 00:13:39.419 of tipping point where it starts to cause them 00:13:39.419 --> 00:13:42.879 pain and it affects their business or their career, 00:13:42.899 --> 00:13:45.000 it affects their relationships, it affects their 00:13:45.000 --> 00:13:47.580 self -care and their mental and physical health 00:13:47.580 --> 00:13:50.860 so and that's where I come in to say you're great 00:13:50.860 --> 00:13:53.740 and everyone that has you in their lives is lucky 00:13:53.740 --> 00:13:57.419 and we've got to look at what's not working and 00:13:57.419 --> 00:14:00.379 rewrite some of those programs. Yeah, as about 00:14:00.379 --> 00:14:03.720 when I was doing research I could see that Like 00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:06.320 it said that you're like anti and ambitious, 00:14:06.639 --> 00:14:10.840 but you're pro peace, right? That's what it felt 00:14:10.840 --> 00:14:14.519 like at least Do you I mean is that a thing for 00:14:14.519 --> 00:14:17.100 you? Like do you believe that being ambitious 00:14:17.100 --> 00:14:20.559 and peace can happen at the same time? Yes. Yes, 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:27.340 so a lot of If we're speaking So maybe this might 00:14:27.340 --> 00:14:29.419 not only apply to firstborn daughters. Firstborn 00:14:29.419 --> 00:14:31.919 daughters have a fundamental kind of belief that 00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:35.879 I've seen across them that they need to earn 00:14:35.879 --> 00:14:38.940 success and they need to earn love. So in relationships, 00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:41.259 they go into this kind of proving their value 00:14:41.259 --> 00:14:43.740 phase. In the work, they prove their value. So 00:14:43.740 --> 00:14:46.019 that's why they're usually teetering on the edge 00:14:46.019 --> 00:14:49.940 of burnout. Some of them are numb to it. But 00:14:49.940 --> 00:14:53.620 a lot of successful people or ambitious people 00:14:53.620 --> 00:14:57.779 think that rest doesn't go hand -in -hand with 00:14:57.779 --> 00:15:05.809 success. I disagree. So a lot of the times, the 00:15:05.809 --> 00:15:07.590 clients that I work with, one of my clients, 00:15:08.029 --> 00:15:10.370 she 5xed her business in eight months and was 00:15:10.370 --> 00:15:13.029 working less hours. One of the other clients, 00:15:13.049 --> 00:15:17.330 she came to me as an exec, a VP of a large corporate 00:15:17.330 --> 00:15:21.490 bank. She was earning 350 ,000 a year. Within 00:15:21.490 --> 00:15:23.309 three months of working with me, she secured 00:15:23.309 --> 00:15:27.049 a role as an MD, 800 ,000 a year. And she was 00:15:27.049 --> 00:15:30.320 able to... manage her team in a way that she 00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:33.460 had freedom to be at home or with her kids and 00:15:33.460 --> 00:15:36.899 have flexibility of working. So it's a myth. 00:15:37.139 --> 00:15:39.440 And especially also, we're both black people 00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:41.879 in this, in our culture, there's this like, you 00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:44.220 have to work harder than everyone else. And these 00:15:44.220 --> 00:15:48.860 kind of beliefs get baked into our psyche. So 00:15:48.860 --> 00:15:51.440 we think that that's the only way. And we haven't 00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:54.490 figured out how to kind of work smart or build 00:15:54.490 --> 00:15:57.830 ecosystems of support that alleviate the pressure 00:15:57.830 --> 00:16:00.750 so that we can actually focus on being creative 00:16:00.750 --> 00:16:03.950 and strategic and working on the business, which 00:16:03.950 --> 00:16:06.529 is you get to kind of focus on the things you 00:16:06.529 --> 00:16:09.649 love and find people to focus on the things that 00:16:09.649 --> 00:16:12.190 you don't love that they love. And yeah, it doesn't 00:16:12.190 --> 00:16:15.470 need to be stressful and cost you your mental 00:16:15.470 --> 00:16:23.110 health. This is our first time talking but you 00:16:23.110 --> 00:16:27.629 I had a Interview with someone named dr. Jacqueline 00:16:27.629 --> 00:16:31.330 Campbell She she's a coach as well and it's so 00:16:31.330 --> 00:16:33.809 funny because like your energy is like similar 00:16:33.809 --> 00:16:38.129 to hers very you know, just just relaxed and 00:16:38.129 --> 00:16:42.710 present and but you can tell that like you have 00:16:42.889 --> 00:16:45.289 Like there's a lot that happens in your life 00:16:45.289 --> 00:16:48.190 without you having to do too much work. That's 00:16:48.190 --> 00:16:51.690 what it feels like. And I have a friend named 00:16:51.690 --> 00:16:54.730 Tony. She was on like in our first season, but 00:16:54.730 --> 00:16:58.470 she has that same energy. And she does like she 00:16:58.470 --> 00:17:01.090 lives like like you in a way, but she's in South 00:17:01.090 --> 00:17:04.170 America. And I think there's there's something 00:17:04.170 --> 00:17:07.589 there. There's there's a power there. What would 00:17:07.589 --> 00:17:09.369 you say? I like I know you don't know them, but 00:17:09.369 --> 00:17:14.789 what would you say? Say that that is. So I don't 00:17:14.789 --> 00:17:17.789 know them. So I can't, I think everyone can get 00:17:17.789 --> 00:17:20.230 there in different ways. There's multiple paths 00:17:20.230 --> 00:17:24.549 to the same destination. For me, one of the things 00:17:24.549 --> 00:17:27.869 I've been grateful for, that my mom, regardless 00:17:27.869 --> 00:17:29.670 of all the issues that we had, she introduced 00:17:29.670 --> 00:17:31.670 me to meditation when I was eight years old. 00:17:31.970 --> 00:17:34.690 And she would always kind of say things like, 00:17:35.069 --> 00:17:37.819 because we suffered a lot. It was like, no food 00:17:37.819 --> 00:17:40.319 for days, no electricity, no gas. And she would 00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:42.640 say, this is all an illusion and your access 00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:44.940 to God is within. And anytime you want something, 00:17:45.059 --> 00:17:46.980 have a personal relationship with him. And we 00:17:46.980 --> 00:17:49.680 would have quiet days every Sunday where we weren't 00:17:49.680 --> 00:17:51.680 allowed to talk to each other until 12 o 'clock 00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:53.779 and we'd break it with meditation. So that was 00:17:53.779 --> 00:17:57.680 our prayer. And what that cultivated, because 00:17:57.680 --> 00:18:00.359 I was a child, I believed it. And I would like 00:18:00.359 --> 00:18:02.619 close my eyes and say, God, this is what I want. 00:18:03.279 --> 00:18:06.500 So when I was growing up in an area where people 00:18:06.500 --> 00:18:09.420 were drug addicts and drug dealers, and my friends 00:18:09.420 --> 00:18:12.000 were getting pregnant early with their drug dealer 00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:15.339 boyfriends. And I was like, I don't want to choose 00:18:15.339 --> 00:18:18.619 this, you know? And that's a privilege that I 00:18:18.619 --> 00:18:23.349 can see in hindsight because... if you're surrounded 00:18:23.349 --> 00:18:25.509 by things and that's your reality, it's easy 00:18:25.509 --> 00:18:27.769 to believe that that's the only way. But I didn't 00:18:27.769 --> 00:18:30.730 have examples, but I had the ability to kind 00:18:30.730 --> 00:18:35.190 of turn within. So that kind of got me through 00:18:35.190 --> 00:18:38.970 and put me in places where I could see that what 00:18:38.970 --> 00:18:42.130 I was feeling was possible. And then the more 00:18:42.130 --> 00:18:44.589 I did that, the more I created and I ended up 00:18:44.589 --> 00:18:48.549 in Mexico. So I think there is something about 00:18:48.549 --> 00:18:53.009 also There's a beauty in breaking down. So I've 00:18:53.009 --> 00:18:55.789 got to my rock bottom. I wanted to take my life. 00:18:55.910 --> 00:18:58.450 I wanted to kill myself. I've lived in my car 00:18:58.450 --> 00:19:02.630 for two weeks. From there, there's really nothing 00:19:02.630 --> 00:19:06.309 that I can be afraid of or scared of or worried 00:19:06.309 --> 00:19:11.069 about. So based on having the privilege to experience 00:19:11.069 --> 00:19:14.450 those steps, it's given me this freedom that 00:19:14.450 --> 00:19:18.039 regardless of what happens, I'll be okay. You 00:19:18.039 --> 00:19:21.920 know, and so there's that sense of me and my 00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:24.299 God and my personal relationship. I just need 00:19:24.299 --> 00:19:26.299 to trust that whatever I want to create, I've 00:19:26.299 --> 00:19:28.200 got to turn within and I've got to be present. 00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:31.519 And then also, I'm not really scared of breaking 00:19:31.519 --> 00:19:33.779 down. There are moments where I have attachments, 00:19:33.779 --> 00:19:37.279 but I've got so much evidence of being able to 00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:40.359 make it through that I trust in myself. So it 00:19:40.359 --> 00:19:42.660 doesn't really matter what is happening externally 00:19:42.660 --> 00:19:45.460 to me. I've proven to myself time and time again 00:19:45.460 --> 00:19:47.059 that I have the resources and the capability. 00:19:47.049 --> 00:19:49.910 to get myself out. So I think that creates a 00:19:49.910 --> 00:19:52.609 level of peace. So I think it's a number of things. 00:19:53.309 --> 00:19:56.710 The constant self -work and being able to grow, 00:19:56.869 --> 00:19:59.910 the meditation as a foundation that still follows 00:19:59.910 --> 00:20:05.049 me through, allows me to have a little bit, I'm 00:20:05.049 --> 00:20:07.809 less reactive to the places my mind wants to 00:20:07.809 --> 00:20:10.009 drag me, which is what really creates the stress 00:20:10.009 --> 00:20:14.940 and this need to. Feel busy because a lot of 00:20:14.940 --> 00:20:16.660 people are doing a lot of things but they're 00:20:16.660 --> 00:20:18.579 running in one place and they don't realize it 00:20:18.579 --> 00:20:20.400 because they're being reactive to what their 00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:22.660 head's telling them they have to do rather than 00:20:22.660 --> 00:20:24.740 stop in and being intentional and asking themselves 00:20:24.740 --> 00:20:26.539 what do I want to create and what's the most 00:20:26.539 --> 00:20:29.779 high value action that will move me to that which 00:20:29.779 --> 00:20:33.259 calms the mind down. Calms the mind down, nervous 00:20:33.259 --> 00:20:35.460 system and other good stuff. So like the things 00:20:35.460 --> 00:20:37.920 that are running around in our head is not what's 00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:42.779 really happening in reality. Yeah. And you mentioned, 00:20:43.099 --> 00:20:45.099 like, I want to kind of go through a little bit 00:20:45.099 --> 00:20:49.900 of your origin story. And you were the first 00:20:49.900 --> 00:20:55.599 of six children? Seven. Seven. I'm the second, 00:20:55.619 --> 00:20:57.559 but I'm the first girl. So I have an older brother. 00:20:58.240 --> 00:21:03.680 OK. And you, so basically you, there was, your 00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:06.759 dad was. Wealthy at some point, but then he lost 00:21:06.759 --> 00:21:09.980 his wealth and then you know life kind of happened 00:21:09.980 --> 00:21:12.799 after that So in that moment like what was like 00:21:12.799 --> 00:21:16.380 going from like, you know? Being you know having 00:21:16.380 --> 00:21:18.559 money and being wealthy and then having to live 00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:21.339 in the mindset of survival How did that shift 00:21:21.339 --> 00:21:25.059 your identity or did it? I don't think I felt 00:21:25.059 --> 00:21:27.900 the impact of the money and no money. I was six 00:21:27.900 --> 00:21:31.480 years old, so what I felt the impact of is community 00:21:31.480 --> 00:21:34.920 to no community, and dad to no dad. So I was 00:21:34.920 --> 00:21:37.740 in Nigeria. My dad was a businessman, so he would 00:21:37.740 --> 00:21:43.460 fly on business trips. I didn't see him from 00:21:43.460 --> 00:21:45.940 the age of eight to 25, but when I reconnected 00:21:45.940 --> 00:21:48.180 with him, he was surprised that I had become 00:21:48.180 --> 00:21:50.339 who I'd become because he said I was so fragile 00:21:50.339 --> 00:21:52.180 as a child, every time he would have to leave 00:21:52.180 --> 00:21:55.099 for work, I grabbed around his neck and I'd cry. 00:21:55.319 --> 00:21:57.839 And he was thinking, I just need to find someone 00:21:57.839 --> 00:22:00.359 to marry this girl off to, she's so fragile. 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:03.460 And then he meets me at 25 and I'm a business 00:22:03.460 --> 00:22:06.200 owner and like super strong. And he was just 00:22:06.200 --> 00:22:10.740 like, what happened? But I think there was a 00:22:10.740 --> 00:22:13.420 moment in... the UK when I was with my mom in 00:22:13.420 --> 00:22:16.700 a hotel and I said to her I'm never gonna see 00:22:16.700 --> 00:22:19.720 my dad am I and she said I don't know and I remember 00:22:19.720 --> 00:22:22.000 my feeling like my heart broke in that moment 00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:25.440 so it was more around where's my grandma where's 00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:28.180 my aunties and uncles where so we went from having 00:22:28.180 --> 00:22:31.500 so many people around us all the time we had 00:22:31.500 --> 00:22:34.750 drivers cooks our aunties and uncles were living 00:22:34.750 --> 00:22:37.230 in the house. We had a nanny. So my mom being 00:22:37.230 --> 00:22:40.630 by herself in London with me and my siblings, 00:22:40.789 --> 00:22:43.009 me, my brother, and my younger sister, and she 00:22:43.009 --> 00:22:45.789 was pregnant with my other sister, and no one. 00:22:46.009 --> 00:22:50.029 So no dad, no grandparents, no. So that was more 00:22:50.029 --> 00:22:53.089 felt than the wealth. But my younger sister, 00:22:53.329 --> 00:22:55.109 actually, the one that my mom was pregnant with, 00:22:55.150 --> 00:22:59.369 she thinks that I have this ability to make money 00:22:59.369 --> 00:23:01.990 and this drive to make money because I... that 00:23:01.990 --> 00:23:05.430 that's somehow in my psyche because I did experience 00:23:05.430 --> 00:23:09.069 it and I get told all the time that my friends 00:23:09.069 --> 00:23:11.450 from my friends that I'm they think I'm bougie 00:23:11.450 --> 00:23:13.690 but I have this sense that I grew up in money 00:23:13.690 --> 00:23:16.369 which I didn't and I'm like I don't know if it 00:23:16.369 --> 00:23:19.190 had I don't know if it had an impact but that's 00:23:19.190 --> 00:23:24.319 not my core memories the struggle so Would you 00:23:24.319 --> 00:23:25.880 know that what they say like that, you know, 00:23:25.880 --> 00:23:27.779 the first, I don't know how many years, five 00:23:27.779 --> 00:23:29.660 or whatever, they're the most impressionable 00:23:29.660 --> 00:23:31.759 and that maybe what's playing in the subconscious, 00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:33.660 at least is what I've heard. I don't know if 00:23:33.660 --> 00:23:36.200 it's true or not, but and that's what people 00:23:36.200 --> 00:23:40.279 have told you. That's what people have told you. 00:23:40.980 --> 00:23:43.539 Yeah, like I get this whole kind of like, oh, 00:23:43.539 --> 00:23:46.740 you have this like regal air about you. Did you 00:23:46.740 --> 00:23:49.619 come from money? Did you? And I'm like, I guess 00:23:49.619 --> 00:23:52.519 technically I do, but I like my Like from six 00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:56.200 years old onwards, no money, you know, so I that's 00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:59.240 not my conscious experience because the majority 00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:03.519 of my life was without it. So, yeah, I'm sure 00:24:03.519 --> 00:24:08.299 it had an impact, but not that I can tell. Regal 00:24:08.299 --> 00:24:12.420 is a great characteristic of how people describe 00:24:12.420 --> 00:24:17.220 you. So, yes, I would say that as well. I used 00:24:17.220 --> 00:24:22.470 to be called intimidating. change circles, and 00:24:22.470 --> 00:24:24.230 then those people started calling me regal. I 00:24:24.230 --> 00:24:25.890 was like, oh, maybe it was the people that was 00:24:25.890 --> 00:24:30.069 around. It was the people. The people. Oh, man. 00:24:30.170 --> 00:24:32.950 So you're in London now, and I know you talked 00:24:32.950 --> 00:24:35.509 about you having to really take care of your 00:24:35.509 --> 00:24:39.230 family. And what was that whole experience like 00:24:39.230 --> 00:24:42.650 when you just had to basically leave what you 00:24:42.650 --> 00:24:46.089 knew and then really starting to take care of 00:24:46.089 --> 00:24:49.990 your whole family, even your mom? Yeah, I think 00:24:49.990 --> 00:24:56.069 there was just a lot of stress and a lot of chaos 00:24:56.069 --> 00:24:59.130 from a really early age. So my mum was a supply 00:24:59.130 --> 00:25:02.089 teacher and she didn't have the support around 00:25:02.089 --> 00:25:05.069 her to be able to get her education to up level 00:25:05.069 --> 00:25:09.950 her studies. So she was able to work when there 00:25:09.950 --> 00:25:12.349 was rows and then no work when there wasn't. 00:25:12.410 --> 00:25:15.650 So we had this kind of... environment where there 00:25:15.650 --> 00:25:18.009 was abundance and scarcity and abundance and 00:25:18.009 --> 00:25:21.130 scarcity, food and no food, electric and no electric, 00:25:21.329 --> 00:25:23.829 it was just constant. And she, like, when she 00:25:23.829 --> 00:25:27.130 didn't have money she would live on credit cards. 00:25:27.410 --> 00:25:31.450 Then she met... someone who she ended up dating, 00:25:31.910 --> 00:25:34.470 divorced my dad, married him. Three months later, 00:25:34.490 --> 00:25:37.029 he became schizophrenic. So her attention went 00:25:37.029 --> 00:25:39.789 to him. And I'm like, so we don't have money. 00:25:39.970 --> 00:25:42.869 I now have this schizophrenic stepdad in the 00:25:42.869 --> 00:25:46.210 house who I as a child, I'm embarrassed because 00:25:46.210 --> 00:25:48.609 everyone's pointing and talking about us and 00:25:48.609 --> 00:25:50.470 I can hear the neighbors talking while I'm in 00:25:50.470 --> 00:25:55.029 my room. And I was thinking, I don't want my 00:25:55.119 --> 00:25:58.960 siblings to experience too much. So how can I 00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:02.420 protect them? And I pretty much signed off my 00:26:02.420 --> 00:26:05.079 childhood. I started babysitting and braiding 00:26:05.079 --> 00:26:07.460 hair to kind of make money here and there. And 00:26:07.460 --> 00:26:10.160 I would use that money to buy bread and some 00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:12.140 like basics so that we can have food and put 00:26:12.140 --> 00:26:15.160 some money on the electric. So I became really 00:26:15.160 --> 00:26:18.039 responsible really quickly. And unfortunately, 00:26:18.220 --> 00:26:20.640 my mom, not fortunately, I love my brothers, 00:26:20.859 --> 00:26:23.599 but my mom has kept having more babies. And I'm 00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:27.509 like, What is happening? I'm looking after everyone 00:26:27.509 --> 00:26:30.230 and you're literally putting babies in my hand 00:26:30.230 --> 00:26:32.930 and she'll take me to meditation meetings and 00:26:32.930 --> 00:26:36.430 I'd be in the hotel room with my little brother 00:26:36.430 --> 00:26:39.269 and I fed him, I've changed him, he's crying. 00:26:39.410 --> 00:26:41.329 I'm crying because I can't stop him from crying 00:26:41.329 --> 00:26:43.809 because I've done all of the things. So I feel 00:26:43.809 --> 00:26:47.329 like I've kind of gone through the whole thing 00:26:47.329 --> 00:26:49.230 of being a mother without being a mother. It's 00:26:49.230 --> 00:26:53.839 kind of the role that I... took on, but it felt 00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:56.819 like I had no choice. So it was just pressure. 00:26:56.839 --> 00:26:59.579 It was a pressure cooker all the time. And I 00:26:59.579 --> 00:27:02.500 felt like I had to continually, I wanted to sing 00:27:02.500 --> 00:27:06.099 and dance and act. And my mum was like, well, 00:27:06.160 --> 00:27:08.099 if you do that, then none of your siblings are 00:27:08.099 --> 00:27:10.539 going to go to university. So again, for the 00:27:10.539 --> 00:27:13.059 sake of my siblings, I decided to go to university 00:27:13.059 --> 00:27:15.920 and made my mum pick my course. So my life wasn't 00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:21.630 my life. It just felt like I was... a robot designed 00:27:21.630 --> 00:27:24.250 to provide for others. I didn't have an identity. 00:27:24.309 --> 00:27:26.210 I didn't know who I was when people would ask 00:27:26.210 --> 00:27:28.930 me, what are your hobbies? And what are those 00:27:28.930 --> 00:27:31.769 even? You know, I don't have time for things 00:27:31.769 --> 00:27:34.849 to do. So it was very chaotic, very stressful 00:27:34.849 --> 00:27:37.710 all the time. Did you feel like you didn't have 00:27:37.710 --> 00:27:41.509 a childhood? I didn't. I didn't. I signed it 00:27:41.509 --> 00:27:44.250 away. I was at home. So it's interesting if you 00:27:44.250 --> 00:27:46.809 meet my friends from back then, they sound differently 00:27:46.809 --> 00:27:48.890 to me because we grew up in the hood. So they 00:27:48.890 --> 00:27:52.210 have a different way of speaking and they, you 00:27:52.210 --> 00:27:54.670 know, it's like I've always seemed like I'm posh, 00:27:54.670 --> 00:27:56.789 but I think the only reason for that is because 00:27:56.789 --> 00:27:58.650 I was never at the house, you know, so I was 00:27:58.650 --> 00:28:01.109 watching TV and taking care of my siblings. I 00:28:01.109 --> 00:28:03.630 wasn't out playing, so I wasn't able to kind 00:28:03.630 --> 00:28:05.910 of pick up what was going on, which may have 00:28:05.910 --> 00:28:09.390 been a benefit to me in some ways. So, yeah, 00:28:09.450 --> 00:28:15.730 I didn't have a childhood. Wow. So, like, I don't 00:28:15.730 --> 00:28:17.009 know if this is accurate, but let me know if 00:28:17.009 --> 00:28:21.140 it's not. I said that your mother admitted that 00:28:21.140 --> 00:28:27.519 she would help nurturing from you because she 00:28:27.519 --> 00:28:32.400 feared you'd stop helping. That's accurate. Yeah. 00:28:33.180 --> 00:28:35.539 When I fell into depression in my early 20s, 00:28:35.559 --> 00:28:39.299 I was so angry with her. I was like... I'm like 00:28:39.299 --> 00:28:41.779 this. I'm stressed out because of you. How did 00:28:41.779 --> 00:28:44.920 you let me play this role? And I was just wanting 00:28:44.920 --> 00:28:47.339 acknowledgement and an apology, and it wasn't 00:28:47.339 --> 00:28:50.400 happening. And then I did a program called Landmark, 00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:52.880 and I was able to get to forgiveness with her. 00:28:53.299 --> 00:28:55.700 And I had this conversation with her where I'm 00:28:55.700 --> 00:28:58.839 like, I've been wanting you so badly to be my 00:28:58.839 --> 00:29:00.980 mom that I didn't see all the things that you 00:29:00.980 --> 00:29:02.839 had to go through. So I just want to acknowledge 00:29:02.839 --> 00:29:05.779 that, and I want to apologize and say thank you. 00:29:06.009 --> 00:29:09.049 for being who you were because I like who I've 00:29:09.049 --> 00:29:11.430 become and I wouldn't have become this way without 00:29:11.430 --> 00:29:14.839 the... the circumstances. And I think that freed 00:29:14.839 --> 00:29:17.720 her from the guilt. And because I told her I 00:29:17.720 --> 00:29:19.480 forgave her, then she apologized. I was like, 00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:21.480 you apologize when I don't need it, but thanks. 00:29:21.559 --> 00:29:24.279 And then her explanation was, you know, I saw 00:29:24.279 --> 00:29:28.279 you as my husband and I was really scared of 00:29:28.279 --> 00:29:30.599 nurturing and mothering you because you were 00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:33.460 helping me so much. And I felt that if I mothered 00:29:33.460 --> 00:29:35.380 you, you would stop helping me. And I really 00:29:35.380 --> 00:29:38.720 needed your help, which was like, oh my gosh, 00:29:38.900 --> 00:29:42.799 that's like, that's heavy. And I can understand 00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:45.220 where she's coming from if I was being compassionate 00:29:45.220 --> 00:29:48.619 and empathetic, but I wanted a mom. I think there's 00:29:48.619 --> 00:29:50.640 things that I've had to work through and still 00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:52.880 working through and feeling unlovable because 00:29:52.880 --> 00:29:55.420 I had constant evidence of that where she was 00:29:55.420 --> 00:29:58.019 showing my siblings love and nurture, but she 00:29:58.019 --> 00:30:01.119 was kind of icing me out. So then I was trying 00:30:01.119 --> 00:30:04.000 to be like, maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe 00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:06.359 if I do more, then she'll love me. And the love 00:30:06.359 --> 00:30:11.220 never came. That push him to try and be... lovable 00:30:11.220 --> 00:30:17.759 kind of broke me down. So yeah. Yeah. Well, that's 00:30:17.759 --> 00:30:19.859 something we had. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that again? 00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:22.920 No, no, no. That was her explanation. That was 00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:25.259 her explanation. Yeah. Well, so most of what 00:30:25.259 --> 00:30:29.240 we haven't come in, I did landmark in 2009, landmark 00:30:29.240 --> 00:30:34.640 education in 2009. And that, you know, for me, 00:30:34.640 --> 00:30:37.559 I think one of the things that was dealing, what 00:30:37.559 --> 00:30:40.279 I was dealing with, was the loss of my mother 00:30:40.279 --> 00:30:43.299 and just just the relationship with my father 00:30:43.299 --> 00:30:47.180 and I got that all complete and you know talk 00:30:47.180 --> 00:30:50.519 to him and now we're cool and you know he's like 00:30:50.519 --> 00:30:53.700 86, 87 or whatever it is and he's like oh you 00:30:53.700 --> 00:30:55.779 know we're just good you know we get on the phone 00:30:55.779 --> 00:30:58.480 and we just like we're cool which you know makes 00:30:58.480 --> 00:31:02.440 me feel good so i understand like you know the 00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:04.140 relationship being mended between you and your 00:31:04.140 --> 00:31:06.980 mother you know having given all that up and 00:31:06.980 --> 00:31:08.900 being able to forgive her and all that good stuff 00:31:08.900 --> 00:31:13.819 so that's awesome it's awesome for you too like 00:31:13.819 --> 00:31:17.200 i think i'm me and my mom's relationship healed 00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:19.539 a year before she died you know and i'm like 00:31:19.539 --> 00:31:23.069 how would i have felt being incomplete Like I 00:31:23.069 --> 00:31:26.609 got my mom for one year and that was, I don't 00:31:26.609 --> 00:31:31.069 want to get emotional, but that was so, it was 00:31:31.069 --> 00:31:34.970 special, you know? So I do, when I meet and I 00:31:34.970 --> 00:31:39.630 work with a lot of people who don't have relationships 00:31:39.630 --> 00:31:44.089 with their parents or there's this strain, there's 00:31:44.089 --> 00:31:46.069 something that happens when someone dies where 00:31:46.069 --> 00:31:48.849 all of their bad traits die with them. You almost, 00:31:48.950 --> 00:31:51.910 it's just like... disappears immediately but 00:31:51.910 --> 00:31:54.349 when they're in person you want them to pay and 00:31:54.349 --> 00:31:56.130 you want them to apologize and you want them 00:31:56.130 --> 00:31:59.109 to and you'll like fight to the death to get 00:31:59.109 --> 00:32:02.289 that thing and then when they die you live in 00:32:02.289 --> 00:32:07.589 regret you know so it's it's ideal to try and 00:32:07.589 --> 00:32:09.750 work through what's coming up for you in relation 00:32:09.750 --> 00:32:11.410 to them while they're still here so that you 00:32:11.410 --> 00:32:14.190 can actually see them for who they are yeah i 00:32:14.190 --> 00:32:18.190 think that's yeah i think that's for me it's 00:32:18.190 --> 00:32:23.190 important um i think i I live my life like I 00:32:23.190 --> 00:32:27.309 have a family member, my nephew who just irks 00:32:27.309 --> 00:32:31.789 me, right? But I have to continually give that 00:32:31.789 --> 00:32:34.289 up and be okay with him, have conversations with 00:32:34.289 --> 00:32:39.309 him so that we can still have a great relationship 00:32:39.309 --> 00:32:42.430 because you never know what will happen and what 00:32:42.430 --> 00:32:45.609 can't happen. And I think it's more important 00:32:45.609 --> 00:32:47.789 for us to have some kind of relationship where 00:32:47.789 --> 00:32:51.789 we're okay and we're good. as opposed to me just 00:32:51.789 --> 00:32:54.309 feeling the irked feeling. And that's all about 00:32:54.309 --> 00:32:58.869 me, right? No, but it is. I think this is the 00:32:58.869 --> 00:33:02.230 thing about growth for anyone that's actually 00:33:02.230 --> 00:33:05.250 committed to growth. The only reason we're triggered 00:33:05.250 --> 00:33:07.930 is because our mind is creating a story about 00:33:07.930 --> 00:33:11.309 whatever is occurring in our reality. So it's 00:33:11.309 --> 00:33:14.250 like my nephew irks me. Your nephew's a mirror 00:33:14.250 --> 00:33:16.559 that's bringing up something in you that... needs 00:33:16.559 --> 00:33:19.079 to be healed because if we were coming from a 00:33:19.079 --> 00:33:21.680 perfect, whole and complete place, nothing will 00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:25.420 bother us. So I think that relationships that 00:33:25.420 --> 00:33:28.420 are triggering are a gift. And a lot of the times 00:33:28.420 --> 00:33:30.920 you want to run away from pain. But as soon as 00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:33.579 you encounter that same personality dynamic, 00:33:33.980 --> 00:33:35.960 you're going to be triggered, which is you losing 00:33:35.960 --> 00:33:39.059 power. So the opportunity is to look at what 00:33:39.059 --> 00:33:41.480 is it bringing for me and how can I resolve that 00:33:41.480 --> 00:33:44.000 and get to a place of wholeness so that whether 00:33:44.000 --> 00:33:47.430 it's him or anyone else. It doesn't bother me. 00:33:47.450 --> 00:33:50.410 And that's a position of power. But it's easier 00:33:50.410 --> 00:33:54.730 said than done. It is. That's the work. That's 00:33:54.730 --> 00:33:56.910 where the work comes in. You got to do the work. 00:33:57.630 --> 00:34:03.410 So I was listening to, I think it was Tony Robbins, 00:34:03.529 --> 00:34:08.929 right? But he was talking about how people put 00:34:08.929 --> 00:34:12.349 the onus on somebody like the trigger being outside 00:34:12.349 --> 00:34:15.179 of you. But it's not. outside of you. It's inside 00:34:15.179 --> 00:34:18.440 of you, right? Like, you don't trigger me. I 00:34:18.440 --> 00:34:20.619 trigger me, you know, and what you just said 00:34:20.619 --> 00:34:23.119 is, you know, when you're triggered, it's a story 00:34:23.119 --> 00:34:25.059 that we're creating in our in our in our minds. 00:34:25.079 --> 00:34:27.380 And you said some some more of that. I just forgot. 00:34:28.019 --> 00:34:30.780 But I think that is so beautiful. And anybody 00:34:30.780 --> 00:34:34.500 less, less hearing this, like, can you just can 00:34:34.500 --> 00:34:36.460 you speak that just a little bit more? Because 00:34:36.460 --> 00:34:39.900 I think I hear it a lot, where people are like, 00:34:40.059 --> 00:34:42.000 that triggered me that triggered me that triggered 00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:43.659 me and putting the onus on something outside 00:34:43.659 --> 00:34:46.579 of themselves as opposed to bringing it to themselves 00:34:46.579 --> 00:34:54.420 and owning that for themselves yeah so um i always 00:34:54.420 --> 00:34:56.820 say that emotions are a gift from god to let 00:34:56.820 --> 00:34:59.929 us know when we're in and out of alignment to 00:34:59.929 --> 00:35:02.570 the truth of who we are. When we're experiencing 00:35:02.570 --> 00:35:05.010 high vibrational emotions, whether that's laughter, 00:35:05.429 --> 00:35:08.510 joy, love, that's like us operating from perfect 00:35:08.510 --> 00:35:11.210 whole and complete. But the mind is designed 00:35:11.210 --> 00:35:14.389 to protect us. And the mind is 95 % unconscious, 00:35:14.670 --> 00:35:17.469 and 70 % to 80 % of the mind is limit and belief. 00:35:17.530 --> 00:35:20.929 So we are trying to anticipate potential danger 00:35:20.929 --> 00:35:23.170 so that we can protect ourselves and keep ourselves 00:35:23.170 --> 00:35:26.639 safe. But it's overworking and it's overcompensating. 00:35:27.019 --> 00:35:30.139 And the challenge is as humans, our consciousness 00:35:30.139 --> 00:35:33.119 is wrapped around our mind. So we believe whatever 00:35:33.119 --> 00:35:35.860 stories we're making up as true and then we find 00:35:35.860 --> 00:35:38.219 evidence for it. And the way that we find evidence 00:35:38.219 --> 00:35:40.559 for it, I'm getting technical to break it down, 00:35:40.820 --> 00:35:44.639 but there's the part of our mind called the Recticular 00:35:44.639 --> 00:35:47.659 Activating System. And that is a part of your 00:35:47.659 --> 00:35:51.780 brain that listens to the things that are important 00:35:51.780 --> 00:35:54.469 to you and filters out. the world through your 00:35:54.469 --> 00:35:57.050 senses to only show you those things. So when 00:35:57.050 --> 00:35:59.170 you decide you're going to buy a black Range 00:35:59.170 --> 00:36:01.630 Rover, you see black Range Rovers everywhere 00:36:01.630 --> 00:36:03.389 because your brain is like, OK, that's what's 00:36:03.389 --> 00:36:07.449 important. Let's be intentional about what we're 00:36:07.449 --> 00:36:11.250 noticing so that we can we can get that. So in 00:36:11.250 --> 00:36:14.769 the same way, if we had experiences in our childhood, 00:36:15.150 --> 00:36:17.849 I just I described earlier that my mom not nurturing 00:36:17.849 --> 00:36:20.409 me made me feel like I was unlovable. So I've 00:36:20.409 --> 00:36:25.400 had to work really hard to notice when I'm ascribing 00:36:25.400 --> 00:36:28.000 that someone doesn't love me or someone doesn't 00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:31.219 accept me to a situation and really ground myself 00:36:31.219 --> 00:36:34.119 to, is that true? Do I truly have evidence or 00:36:34.119 --> 00:36:37.400 am I interpreting that action as evidence to 00:36:37.400 --> 00:36:40.380 validate it? So every time we are triggered, 00:36:41.050 --> 00:36:43.530 It's a warning sign that our defense mechanism, 00:36:43.730 --> 00:36:46.030 our brain has found evidence and it's using that 00:36:46.030 --> 00:36:48.789 to justify, run your defense mechanism so that 00:36:48.789 --> 00:36:51.489 you can protect yourself. And you're using an 00:36:51.489 --> 00:36:54.110 outdated, so you're using the defense mechanism 00:36:54.110 --> 00:36:56.909 that you created as a child for what happened 00:36:56.909 --> 00:36:59.210 in the future, which is why a lot of people stay 00:36:59.210 --> 00:37:02.630 stuck. They struggle to achieve the success they 00:37:02.630 --> 00:37:05.070 want because if they've been poor all of their 00:37:05.070 --> 00:37:07.489 lives, their rectangular activating system says, 00:37:07.530 --> 00:37:10.730 oh, we've been poor. So then you only see evidence 00:37:10.730 --> 00:37:14.030 of why you can't make it why money is hard to 00:37:14.030 --> 00:37:17.989 come by why so you're kind of creating your reality 00:37:17.989 --> 00:37:21.170 based on your past and every time you're triggered 00:37:21.170 --> 00:37:24.849 it's just validate and see I knew that I'm always 00:37:24.849 --> 00:37:27.489 going to be poor see I knew I was unlovable and 00:37:27.489 --> 00:37:30.050 it's your job to bring conscious awareness to 00:37:30.050 --> 00:37:32.449 it to say I'm triggered the trigger the button 00:37:32.449 --> 00:37:34.809 if the button doesn't exist it can't be pressed 00:37:34.809 --> 00:37:37.150 so where is the button it's been pressed so let 00:37:37.150 --> 00:37:39.389 me look at what is happening in that support 00:37:39.239 --> 00:37:42.199 conscious part of me that I'm not aware of and 00:37:42.199 --> 00:37:44.320 ask myself, what about that triggered me? What 00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:46.659 did I make it mean about me? How was that making 00:37:46.659 --> 00:37:48.960 me perceive the situation? How could that potentially 00:37:48.960 --> 00:37:51.199 be limiting me? And that's when you start to 00:37:51.199 --> 00:37:53.440 take control of your mind and start to transition 00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:56.940 out of the pattern that's just on autopilot and 00:37:56.940 --> 00:37:59.559 step into creation of what you want to become 00:37:59.559 --> 00:38:02.159 and what you want to pull into your life. There's 00:38:02.159 --> 00:38:04.280 a power drop right there. I don't I just made 00:38:04.280 --> 00:38:10.269 that term up. that's a power drop like um that 00:38:10.269 --> 00:38:13.489 right there can you know take somebody from a 00:38:13.489 --> 00:38:16.050 mentality of you know I've been poor all my life 00:38:16.050 --> 00:38:18.389 and now this evidence keeps showing up like I'm 00:38:18.389 --> 00:38:22.630 I'm staying this this realm or I get to shift 00:38:22.630 --> 00:38:27.420 from you know this realm to yeah I can be a millionaire 00:38:27.420 --> 00:38:30.239 or I can make 100 ,000 or 300 ,000, whatever 00:38:30.239 --> 00:38:33.280 it is for that person, just by what you just 00:38:33.280 --> 00:38:36.159 shared. I think it's powerful. I have a story 00:38:36.159 --> 00:38:39.619 to demonstrate that if it would help to kind 00:38:39.619 --> 00:38:43.119 of make it more tangible. Absolutely. So when 00:38:43.119 --> 00:38:47.099 I had my business for four years and then I decided 00:38:47.099 --> 00:38:49.159 I don't want to do this, I'm leaving, everyone 00:38:49.159 --> 00:38:50.900 thought I lost my mind. I was like, I need to 00:38:50.900 --> 00:38:52.739 figure out who I am, what I like, and what my 00:38:52.739 --> 00:38:57.000 purpose is. So I... decided to close my business 00:38:57.000 --> 00:39:01.539 down in 2016 and then within a year I had a lot 00:39:01.539 --> 00:39:03.940 of time on my hands and I wasn't used to having 00:39:03.940 --> 00:39:07.760 money so I spent it all. So I had a seven figure 00:39:07.760 --> 00:39:12.739 business left with like some high six figures 00:39:12.739 --> 00:39:16.059 in profit, gone within a year. Traveling, five 00:39:16.059 --> 00:39:18.760 star hotel, all gone. Then my mom got sick and 00:39:18.760 --> 00:39:22.800 died right after. Then one of my brothers was 00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:25.280 in prison, the other one had been in a behavioural 00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:27.659 unit for three years, the other one had anger 00:39:27.659 --> 00:39:30.360 issues, and I became the legal guardian to them, 00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:32.739 had to move in, I was dealing with a chaotic 00:39:32.739 --> 00:39:34.800 household, having to resolve it, didn't have 00:39:34.800 --> 00:39:37.679 time to work or start a business. And then the 00:39:37.679 --> 00:39:39.460 government weren't going to give me assistance 00:39:39.460 --> 00:39:41.280 because I had a property and they said, sell 00:39:41.280 --> 00:39:43.179 your property and live off your property, which 00:39:43.179 --> 00:39:44.880 I didn't want to do, so I didn't have money. 00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:47.159 I was at Landmark at the time, and one of the 00:39:47.159 --> 00:39:49.119 coaches said to me, what do you think you can 00:39:49.119 --> 00:39:50.539 do? And I was like, I don't... I don't really 00:39:50.539 --> 00:39:55.699 have time so maybe I can get a job, a part -time 00:39:55.699 --> 00:39:58.579 job in a supermarket or something. He said all 00:39:58.579 --> 00:40:01.340 of those are limited solutions because I was 00:40:01.340 --> 00:40:03.639 coming up with solutions based on my circumstances 00:40:03.639 --> 00:40:06.599 I was looking at. I'm high stress, I have no 00:40:06.599 --> 00:40:09.380 time and I'm trying to decide within that limitation. 00:40:09.739 --> 00:40:13.019 And he said, take time to connect a feeling like 00:40:13.019 --> 00:40:15.360 you were abundant and you had time. So I closed 00:40:15.360 --> 00:40:18.659 my eyes and I fell into it and I expanded. And 00:40:18.659 --> 00:40:21.260 he said, from this place, what are the options? 00:40:21.659 --> 00:40:24.380 And I was like, well, I bought a ticket for an 00:40:24.380 --> 00:40:28.059 event called A -Fest the year before when I had 00:40:28.059 --> 00:40:30.119 all of this money. I bought the ticket for the 00:40:30.119 --> 00:40:32.179 consequent events and there's going to be one 00:40:32.179 --> 00:40:36.659 in Jamaica and it attracts entrepreneurs and 00:40:36.659 --> 00:40:39.739 really wealthy people but who are into personal 00:40:39.739 --> 00:40:42.480 and spiritual growth and I'm like I have the 00:40:42.480 --> 00:40:45.190 ticket but I don't have money to get there, but 00:40:45.190 --> 00:40:48.230 I guess I have a credit card. And maybe if I 00:40:48.230 --> 00:40:50.670 go there and just get a break from this, I'll 00:40:50.670 --> 00:40:52.829 be around people who might inspire me and give 00:40:52.829 --> 00:40:55.969 me ideas which could possibly lead to something 00:40:55.969 --> 00:40:58.969 else. So why don't I bet on myself and just put 00:40:58.969 --> 00:41:02.389 the flight ticket on the credit card and go because 00:41:02.389 --> 00:41:04.230 it's already paid for. It was probably about 00:41:04.230 --> 00:41:07.849 $4 ,000 worth. So I booked the ticket. And as 00:41:07.849 --> 00:41:10.250 soon as I got off the phone and I made the decision 00:41:10.250 --> 00:41:12.389 and booked the ticket, a previous client of mine 00:41:12.389 --> 00:41:14.070 was like, hey, I know you're not in recruitment 00:41:14.070 --> 00:41:17.130 anymore, but I've got this role. I've been trying 00:41:17.130 --> 00:41:20.829 to fill it for the last year. No one can fill 00:41:20.829 --> 00:41:24.050 it. It's a 20 ,000 pound commission for you. 00:41:24.369 --> 00:41:27.070 So I got 20 ,000 in that moment just because 00:41:27.070 --> 00:41:29.110 I don't think that that would have come through 00:41:29.110 --> 00:41:32.289 if I wasn't energetically shifted. So that's 00:41:32.289 --> 00:41:34.829 what is possible when you're able to interrupt 00:41:34.829 --> 00:41:39.289 the limited fear -based kind of automation that 00:41:39.289 --> 00:41:42.590 happens. Interrupted and say is this true? What 00:41:42.590 --> 00:41:44.869 am I committed to? How would I see this different 00:41:44.869 --> 00:41:50.809 if I wasn't feeling like? unloved or like financially, 00:41:50.989 --> 00:41:54.130 so I'm not telling anyone to get into debt, but 00:41:54.130 --> 00:41:57.349 the situations will kind of be clear to you in 00:41:57.349 --> 00:41:59.489 terms of what the next action is if you can shift 00:41:59.489 --> 00:42:02.230 your energy and access your conscious brain instead 00:42:02.230 --> 00:42:06.269 of operating in that kind of unconscious automatic, 00:42:07.030 --> 00:42:10.280 I think that's important right there where you 00:42:10.280 --> 00:42:14.440 just you got silent and you went outside of your 00:42:14.440 --> 00:42:17.559 that limiting belief at that moment and you got 00:42:17.559 --> 00:42:22.000 quiet and things opened up for you and then you 00:42:22.000 --> 00:42:24.539 made a you made a choice you took a different 00:42:24.539 --> 00:42:27.400 action and something else showed up i think it's 00:42:27.400 --> 00:42:30.360 really powerful because it's i think it's it's 00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:32.519 probably how it happens when you're trying to 00:42:32.519 --> 00:42:35.780 shift out of you know a circumstance or whatever 00:42:35.780 --> 00:42:37.920 and then something else shows up for you i think 00:42:37.920 --> 00:42:43.170 it's pretty powerful And you went, is this before 00:42:43.170 --> 00:42:46.510 you went to India and went on the silent retreat? 00:42:46.650 --> 00:42:50.329 No, this is after. India was the reason I came 00:42:50.329 --> 00:42:52.750 back and shut down my business. Oh, India was? 00:42:52.969 --> 00:42:55.769 Well, when I was reading that, I have a couple 00:42:55.769 --> 00:42:58.889 of friends who went to California, like after 00:42:58.889 --> 00:43:03.449 I left California. They were doing the silent 00:43:03.449 --> 00:43:06.150 retreats for like 14 days, but you did it for 00:43:06.150 --> 00:43:10.170 30 days? It wasn't a silent retreat. It was a 00:43:10.170 --> 00:43:15.110 meditation retreat. I had different classes I 00:43:15.110 --> 00:43:18.250 could attend. There were 134 different types 00:43:18.250 --> 00:43:20.710 of meditation. It was actually the Osho Ashram. 00:43:20.849 --> 00:43:23.070 I knew nothing about Osho before. Apparently 00:43:23.070 --> 00:43:26.469 he's a controversial guru. I think Netflix recently 00:43:26.469 --> 00:43:31.110 released the documentary about him. I went to 00:43:31.110 --> 00:43:34.360 that retreat figuring out like... I am not motivated 00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:37.039 in my business. I don't know why. I don't feel 00:43:37.039 --> 00:43:39.460 like I'm depressed, but something's off. So let 00:43:39.460 --> 00:43:41.639 me just cut the noise. It was actually my mum 00:43:41.639 --> 00:43:43.960 who said to me, why do you keep... Because I 00:43:43.960 --> 00:43:45.760 was asking for advice. I was speaking to mentors 00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:47.619 and they were like, every entrepreneur goes through 00:43:47.619 --> 00:43:49.679 this, just write it out. And she said, why do 00:43:49.679 --> 00:43:51.159 you keep listening to everyone? Why don't you 00:43:51.159 --> 00:43:54.039 turn within? And I was like, oh, cool. So... 00:43:53.690 --> 00:43:56.170 I was like, okay, I'm gonna go to a meditation 00:43:56.170 --> 00:43:58.510 retreat, leave my phone, leave my laptop, which 00:43:58.510 --> 00:44:01.130 was not a good idea as a woman traveling by herself 00:44:01.130 --> 00:44:03.949 in India, but I was safe, thank God. But yeah, 00:44:03.969 --> 00:44:07.070 I left everything in London, went to India for 00:44:07.070 --> 00:44:10.489 a month, and I told my assistant, don't tell 00:44:10.489 --> 00:44:12.369 anyone where I am unless it's life or death, 00:44:12.389 --> 00:44:16.269 and my dad managed to convince her and get the 00:44:16.269 --> 00:44:22.300 number of the ashram, but yeah. It was a good 00:44:22.300 --> 00:44:25.079 experience. He called me probably the last week. 00:44:25.179 --> 00:44:27.380 And I was just like, what? I had a dream that 00:44:27.380 --> 00:44:28.840 something bad happened to him. I'm like, that's 00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:31.480 life or death. I'm fine. I'm fine. You know, 00:44:31.599 --> 00:44:37.820 it's good. I'm good. Yeah. That's wild. So you 00:44:37.820 --> 00:44:40.599 had the million dollar business. You shut it 00:44:40.599 --> 00:44:43.320 down. You know, life has kind of shifted for 00:44:43.320 --> 00:44:45.940 you. You're back with your family at this point, 00:44:46.059 --> 00:44:48.619 right, taking care of some of your siblings. 00:44:49.869 --> 00:44:52.869 at this point what like what's what's your what 00:44:52.869 --> 00:44:57.110 are you going through at this moment i felt okay 00:44:57.110 --> 00:45:02.070 so there was pre jamaica and post jamaica jamaica 00:45:02.070 --> 00:45:05.510 needed to happen so before jamaica i felt like 00:45:05.510 --> 00:45:09.150 i was drowning i'm like i've got this little 00:45:09.150 --> 00:45:11.250 brother who has been in a behavioral unit for 00:45:11.250 --> 00:45:14.739 three years he hadn't got like a proper education 00:45:14.739 --> 00:45:17.900 in that time. They think that he's crazy because 00:45:17.900 --> 00:45:21.400 he's having these kind of really aggressive outbursts, 00:45:21.519 --> 00:45:23.340 throwing chairs at pregnant teachers, all the 00:45:23.340 --> 00:45:25.760 things. So they wanted to feel like his dad was 00:45:25.760 --> 00:45:27.960 schizophrenic, maybe he's schizophrenic. I'm 00:45:27.960 --> 00:45:30.300 like, he's not schizophrenic. I think that just 00:45:30.300 --> 00:45:33.019 my mom was sick for a long time, so he didn't 00:45:33.019 --> 00:45:35.599 have the attention. They moved around a lot. 00:45:35.619 --> 00:45:37.760 There was a lot of instability. And I think he 00:45:37.760 --> 00:45:40.300 just learned to kind of get attention through 00:45:40.300 --> 00:45:43.949 being outrageous. But trying to... I had to work 00:45:43.949 --> 00:45:47.800 with the school. And the school was explaining 00:45:47.800 --> 00:45:50.360 that other parents don't come in as much as I 00:45:50.360 --> 00:45:52.380 did. I was like, well, I'm making changes at 00:45:52.380 --> 00:45:53.880 home, and I need you guys to follow through on 00:45:53.880 --> 00:45:55.940 those changes in order for it to be consistent. 00:45:56.000 --> 00:45:59.079 So I was really hands -on. And within three months, 00:45:59.320 --> 00:46:02.119 he was an ideal student. We got him into mainstream 00:46:02.119 --> 00:46:05.679 school. But that three months leading into it 00:46:05.679 --> 00:46:09.099 was just one of my brothers was really angry. 00:46:09.199 --> 00:46:11.159 And I guess through his grieving, he felt like 00:46:11.159 --> 00:46:12.980 I was coming into my mom's house and trying to 00:46:12.980 --> 00:46:15.360 take control. So he was threatening to beat me 00:46:15.360 --> 00:46:18.449 up. He's six foot four, so he was like, and this 00:46:18.449 --> 00:46:20.989 payback for you kind of dominated me when I was 00:46:20.989 --> 00:46:23.530 a child. So there was a lot of tension. I felt 00:46:23.530 --> 00:46:26.750 unsafe. I felt stressed. I had a dog for the 00:46:26.750 --> 00:46:28.110 first time that I was looking after that was 00:46:28.110 --> 00:46:31.429 my brother's dog that wasn't being, it was just 00:46:31.429 --> 00:46:34.150 intense. And I was like, I don't think I can 00:46:34.150 --> 00:46:36.909 deal with this. And then I went to APHES and 00:46:36.909 --> 00:46:40.289 I actually did Bufo, which is a plant medicine. 00:46:40.369 --> 00:46:45.469 It was the first time ever that I did Bufo. Yeah, 00:46:45.550 --> 00:46:48.550 it's DMT. Okay. Well, yeah, I know the term. 00:46:49.409 --> 00:46:52.309 Yeah. Oh, the DMT is the chemical that's released 00:46:52.309 --> 00:46:57.789 when we die in our brain. And I've never drank 00:46:57.789 --> 00:47:00.230 alcohol, never done drugs. I was the goody two 00:47:00.230 --> 00:47:02.190 shoes of goody two shoes. So anytime someone 00:47:02.190 --> 00:47:04.710 would bring any form of smoke weed, never nothing. 00:47:05.150 --> 00:47:08.389 And I met someone on the first day and he said, 00:47:08.429 --> 00:47:11.110 Oh, I've been practicing under the shaman to 00:47:11.110 --> 00:47:13.820 do this. Before thing and I was like I need to 00:47:13.820 --> 00:47:16.500 do it now and he was like what I was like right 00:47:16.500 --> 00:47:19.639 now And I don't know what this urge was but when 00:47:19.639 --> 00:47:23.780 I had the experience I died and I lifted up from 00:47:23.780 --> 00:47:27.380 my body and I saw my body lay in still And I 00:47:27.380 --> 00:47:29.679 was like, this is the most irresponsible thing 00:47:29.679 --> 00:47:31.840 I did and then I saw my body breathe and I was 00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:34.000 like, okay Let's just go through there and I 00:47:34.000 --> 00:47:37.420 surrendered and I continued to lift and I can 00:47:37.420 --> 00:47:42.039 only describe what the energy that I got to felt 00:47:42.039 --> 00:47:45.539 like. They say it's like a quick trip to meet 00:47:45.539 --> 00:47:48.159 God and then back. It's only a 10 minute experience. 00:47:48.619 --> 00:47:51.619 So I was in this place where it felt like love. 00:47:51.900 --> 00:47:54.780 It's hard to describe, but there was no individual 00:47:54.780 --> 00:47:58.059 me. I was just merged with this energy. And then 00:47:58.059 --> 00:48:00.179 I started to come down and I was like, I don't 00:48:00.179 --> 00:48:04.579 wanna leave yet. and then I came into my body 00:48:04.579 --> 00:48:06.460 and the shaman said that he didn't think it worked 00:48:06.460 --> 00:48:08.219 because usually when people take it they like 00:48:08.219 --> 00:48:10.940 are really erratic and moving around and he said 00:48:10.940 --> 00:48:13.260 I lay still as a Buddha and I had one teardrop 00:48:13.260 --> 00:48:15.380 all down my eye I was like I don't know maybe 00:48:15.380 --> 00:48:17.940 it's a years of meditation but it was intense 00:48:17.940 --> 00:48:22.260 for me and my experience and what I got the day 00:48:22.260 --> 00:48:25.280 after the the realization that came from that 00:48:25.280 --> 00:48:28.739 experience is If that's the truth of who we all 00:48:28.739 --> 00:48:31.480 are, when they're saying that we're all one, 00:48:31.960 --> 00:48:36.139 then everything that I can look at on this earth 00:48:36.139 --> 00:48:39.539 plane started there. It's like the inspiration 00:48:39.539 --> 00:48:41.659 came from there, and as humans, we made it into 00:48:41.659 --> 00:48:44.539 form, which means that I'm a creator. So then 00:48:44.539 --> 00:48:48.260 I went back home. I'm trying to control this 00:48:48.260 --> 00:48:51.119 situation rather than creating it. Like, so how 00:48:51.119 --> 00:48:53.820 would it look like if I allowed things that, 00:48:53.840 --> 00:48:56.179 and it was like, got my brother back into mainstream 00:48:56.179 --> 00:48:58.940 school, got everything calmed down, and that's 00:48:58.940 --> 00:49:00.980 when things started to change. But those initial 00:49:00.980 --> 00:49:05.639 three months after my mum died were, yeah, I 00:49:05.639 --> 00:49:08.340 was, I didn't think I could make it. But I also 00:49:08.340 --> 00:49:13.199 look back at it now that I'm a coach, that I 00:49:13.199 --> 00:49:16.920 have dealt with being threatened to go for being 00:49:16.920 --> 00:49:20.619 beaten up with like a child that's out of control. 00:49:20.840 --> 00:49:22.920 So when I'm coaching mothers, there's nothing 00:49:22.920 --> 00:49:25.440 they can tell me when, you know, in terms of 00:49:25.440 --> 00:49:28.539 I've had people lash out at me because I'm triggering 00:49:28.539 --> 00:49:30.639 and coaching and they've called me a bitch and 00:49:30.639 --> 00:49:33.239 it's just like, it's okay, it's whatever, you 00:49:33.239 --> 00:49:35.719 know, because again, it's like if I hadn't have 00:49:35.719 --> 00:49:38.440 had that experience, I don't know whether I would 00:49:38.440 --> 00:49:40.900 be able to hold the type of space that I can 00:49:40.900 --> 00:49:44.340 hold because I've been able to kind of work through. 00:49:44.599 --> 00:49:48.119 those dynamics so yeah that's pretty powerful 00:49:48.119 --> 00:49:52.219 i mean this is the experience right there um 00:49:52.219 --> 00:49:56.860 that allowed you to like just see things differently 00:49:56.860 --> 00:49:59.880 and experience yourself and life differently 00:49:59.880 --> 00:50:04.199 and just through that experience and going back 00:50:04.199 --> 00:50:07.659 to that the the environment would you say that 00:50:07.659 --> 00:50:09.739 just because of who because of the change in 00:50:09.739 --> 00:50:12.659 the ship that you that you experienced that actually 00:50:12.659 --> 00:50:15.840 shifted and changed the environment with your 00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:20.820 siblings? Yeah because yeah before so there was 00:50:20.820 --> 00:50:23.159 the call while I was in the thick of things that 00:50:23.159 --> 00:50:25.980 allowed me the spaciousness to realize I can 00:50:25.980 --> 00:50:28.619 go on this trip and then I go on this trip and 00:50:28.619 --> 00:50:31.760 then I have this experience and I'm like oh I 00:50:31.760 --> 00:50:34.780 am more powerful than the way that I've been 00:50:34.780 --> 00:50:37.340 showing up and then I come back and everything 00:50:37.340 --> 00:50:40.269 is Things are still chaotic and intense, but 00:50:40.269 --> 00:50:42.469 I'm not experiencing them as chaotic as intense. 00:50:42.510 --> 00:50:45.630 So when you asked earlier, what is this calm, 00:50:46.190 --> 00:50:48.730 as you start to kind of break through certain 00:50:48.730 --> 00:50:52.530 illusions that you have, when I said earlier 00:50:52.530 --> 00:50:56.570 that pain exists in the mind. Things are happening 00:50:56.570 --> 00:50:59.010 and the way that we're interpreting it is what's 00:50:59.010 --> 00:51:02.170 causing us pain So as I'm getting these like 00:51:02.170 --> 00:51:04.869 breakthroughs of oh, I'm not scared So I have 00:51:04.869 --> 00:51:07.550 this ticket that gives me access to these people 00:51:07.550 --> 00:51:10.250 that then all of a sudden I don't feel broke 00:51:10.250 --> 00:51:12.750 even though the reality is I'm broke and then 00:51:12.750 --> 00:51:14.869 20 grand comes in and then things start to open 00:51:14.869 --> 00:51:17.070 up from there and the same way as I was like 00:51:17.070 --> 00:51:19.449 oh my gosh my brothers and this whole situation 00:51:19.449 --> 00:51:21.889 of my mom dying and the grief it's all too much 00:51:21.889 --> 00:51:24.639 and then I go and I meet God And I come down 00:51:24.639 --> 00:51:27.159 and I'm like, this is all a simulation. Like, 00:51:27.219 --> 00:51:29.039 what if I was dealing with it from there? How 00:51:29.039 --> 00:51:31.099 can, so all of those things were still there, 00:51:31.360 --> 00:51:34.539 but my perspective fundamentally changing from 00:51:34.539 --> 00:51:37.860 an unknowing place allowed me to experience it 00:51:37.860 --> 00:51:41.780 in a different way. So it's not that like circumstances 00:51:41.780 --> 00:51:44.920 meant that my stress drops. No, my belief about 00:51:44.920 --> 00:51:48.440 the circumstances affected my stress and the 00:51:48.440 --> 00:51:50.500 actions that I took and the results I produced. 00:51:50.980 --> 00:51:56.579 Another power drop. Okay. So This is all a simulation 00:51:56.579 --> 00:51:58.360 and I know you know, there's a lot of things 00:51:58.360 --> 00:52:02.300 going on well in that the realm of you know, 00:52:02.320 --> 00:52:04.179 understanding and quantum physics and all that 00:52:04.179 --> 00:52:07.099 kind of stuff like this is a simulation and I 00:52:07.099 --> 00:52:09.780 think when you when you talked about like just 00:52:09.780 --> 00:52:11.940 your shift of belief or connection to what's 00:52:11.940 --> 00:52:15.659 happening like it's how we choose to believe 00:52:15.659 --> 00:52:19.539 in the The what's happening and if we shift that 00:52:19.539 --> 00:52:22.320 from like you like you said knowing you have 00:52:22.320 --> 00:52:25.619 a knowing That you know, this is all the simulation, 00:52:25.679 --> 00:52:28.139 right? And then in that knowing like you get 00:52:28.139 --> 00:52:30.659 to the only way I can say it is like you you 00:52:30.659 --> 00:52:34.000 get to move differently In the world. I don't 00:52:34.000 --> 00:52:36.300 have that knowing a hundred percent just just 00:52:36.300 --> 00:52:40.300 to clarify because sometimes It's like oh you're 00:52:40.300 --> 00:52:41.920 you're evolved. You're transformed. You're awakened. 00:52:42.539 --> 00:52:47.079 No So I was able to get there and then in that 00:52:47.079 --> 00:52:48.960 I could share all of the circumstances right 00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:53.719 now where I'm like I I know but I don't know, 00:52:53.719 --> 00:52:57.809 you know, yeah There's a difference, right? such 00:52:57.809 --> 00:53:00.170 a big difference. And I think that's what causes 00:53:00.170 --> 00:53:03.750 online, there's a spiritual bypassing that happens 00:53:03.750 --> 00:53:07.369 because we talk, there's so much talk from these 00:53:07.369 --> 00:53:09.909 great teachers about spiritualities, about being 00:53:09.909 --> 00:53:12.449 in your heart and being abundant. And I'm like, 00:53:12.530 --> 00:53:15.090 the reality is that yes, that is spirituality. 00:53:15.170 --> 00:53:18.789 And that's what we commit to align into on a 00:53:18.789 --> 00:53:21.829 moment to moment basis. And you're human. You 00:53:21.829 --> 00:53:24.309 have a brain. The brain thinks that everything 00:53:24.309 --> 00:53:26.949 is dangerous and you're operating in fear. So 00:53:26.949 --> 00:53:29.750 it's a constant work to look at, which is why 00:53:29.750 --> 00:53:32.730 we use our emotions to say, OK, well, this has 00:53:32.730 --> 00:53:34.949 brought something up in me. In this moment, I'm 00:53:34.949 --> 00:53:37.469 not operating like this is a simulation. I'm 00:53:37.469 --> 00:53:39.610 personalizing this like it's real. So that gives 00:53:39.610 --> 00:53:42.269 me an opportunity to shift back and align back 00:53:42.269 --> 00:53:45.289 to the knowing, which takes sometimes a lot of 00:53:45.289 --> 00:53:47.489 work or sometimes it happens easy. So it's a 00:53:47.489 --> 00:53:50.559 continuous commitment to. doing that work over 00:53:50.559 --> 00:53:53.179 and over and over again. Yeah, I think that's 00:53:53.179 --> 00:53:55.800 perfectly the way you said it's like I was in 00:53:55.800 --> 00:53:58.159 my mind, I was saying practice, but it's a continuous 00:53:58.159 --> 00:54:01.260 commitment to you know, because we're like you 00:54:01.260 --> 00:54:04.380 said, we're human. And we do human things. And 00:54:04.380 --> 00:54:08.219 we get into the human way of thinking and but 00:54:08.219 --> 00:54:12.440 if we continue to do the work and continue it 00:54:12.440 --> 00:54:17.230 can continue commitment to that. that that spirit, 00:54:17.349 --> 00:54:18.769 I guess the spiritual knowing, what would you 00:54:18.769 --> 00:54:22.070 call that? Yes, yes, spiritual knowing truth. 00:54:22.630 --> 00:54:26.269 Yeah, yeah. And I think that that's just, that's 00:54:26.269 --> 00:54:28.889 just a powerful practice to continue to, you 00:54:28.889 --> 00:54:34.590 know, just continue to commit to. And, you know, 00:54:34.610 --> 00:54:37.849 I wanted to talk about your business now, which 00:54:37.849 --> 00:54:42.429 is the healed hero. And can you talk about a 00:54:42.429 --> 00:54:47.369 little bit about that? Yeah, so when I realized 00:54:47.369 --> 00:54:50.510 that there was this pattern that was affecting 00:54:50.510 --> 00:54:52.849 firstborn daughters, I thought, okay, how can 00:54:52.849 --> 00:54:55.070 I take the work that I've been doing one -on 00:54:55.070 --> 00:54:57.969 -one in an intimate group and scale it so that 00:54:57.969 --> 00:55:01.429 I can have this ripple effect and impact on... 00:55:01.400 --> 00:55:04.360 First of all, daughters, I thought, OK, well, 00:55:04.360 --> 00:55:06.420 what if I created a community where they can 00:55:06.420 --> 00:55:08.639 all come and heal together? And because they 00:55:08.639 --> 00:55:11.199 experience the same thing, when one person is 00:55:11.199 --> 00:55:13.300 getting coaching, everyone is getting coaching, 00:55:13.320 --> 00:55:15.619 because they can see themselves in the person 00:55:15.619 --> 00:55:18.320 that's getting coaching. And I thought, these 00:55:18.320 --> 00:55:20.880 women typically are givers, and a lot of them 00:55:20.880 --> 00:55:23.480 struggle to receive. So if you put a bunch of 00:55:23.480 --> 00:55:26.320 givers in a community, and they all are ready 00:55:26.320 --> 00:55:28.579 to pour into each other, and they're all sharing 00:55:28.579 --> 00:55:31.280 what they're dealing with and working with, just 00:55:31.280 --> 00:55:33.440 them being together in their self will be healing 00:55:33.440 --> 00:55:36.579 because they'll be learning through kind of force 00:55:36.579 --> 00:55:39.599 how to receive because firstborn daughters are 00:55:39.599 --> 00:55:41.659 a little bit forceful in their given sometimes 00:55:41.659 --> 00:55:44.260 so it's like they will be poured into and it 00:55:44.260 --> 00:55:47.159 will be a space not only where they're seen and 00:55:47.159 --> 00:55:48.780 heard because I think a lot of firstborn daughters 00:55:48.780 --> 00:55:51.340 feel like their feelings don't matter that they're 00:55:51.340 --> 00:55:56.059 a little bit invisible and a lot of them are 00:55:56.059 --> 00:56:00.170 very ambitious so this whole Ambition doesn't 00:56:00.170 --> 00:56:04.030 need to be a battle and a fight. So how can you 00:56:04.030 --> 00:56:07.130 fill up your cup? And by filling up your cup, 00:56:07.389 --> 00:56:10.130 not only do you achieve more success and accolades, 00:56:10.429 --> 00:56:13.030 but you're also able to give more because now 00:56:13.030 --> 00:56:16.269 you have the capacity to give more because before, 00:56:16.449 --> 00:56:19.010 a lot of them, the way they're given is one -directional. 00:56:19.030 --> 00:56:21.250 It's just coming out, which is why when the cup 00:56:21.250 --> 00:56:23.730 is empty... resentment comes. It's like, what 00:56:23.730 --> 00:56:26.010 are you guys doing for me? No one cares about 00:56:26.010 --> 00:56:28.750 how I feel. Whereas if they're learning how to 00:56:28.750 --> 00:56:31.269 replenish and build an ecosystem of support and 00:56:31.269 --> 00:56:34.670 have people pour into them, that energy is a 00:56:34.670 --> 00:56:36.449 constant. So they're filling up and they're giving 00:56:36.449 --> 00:56:38.070 out. They're filling up and they're giving out. 00:56:39.789 --> 00:56:43.730 The space is allowing them to achieve exponential 00:56:43.730 --> 00:56:46.769 success but doing it in a way where they're healing 00:56:46.769 --> 00:56:49.469 along the way so that they are filling up their 00:56:49.469 --> 00:56:51.449 cup, they're letting go of the programs that 00:56:51.449 --> 00:56:54.150 no longer serve them. They're learning how to 00:56:54.150 --> 00:56:57.530 create community and ecosystems of support so 00:56:57.530 --> 00:57:00.110 that they're not alone in parenting and their 00:57:00.110 --> 00:57:03.670 friendships and their business and in their careers 00:57:03.670 --> 00:57:06.269 and that's what the Healed Hero community is. 00:57:07.110 --> 00:57:10.679 Do you just work with first born daughters in 00:57:10.679 --> 00:57:13.420 that in that environment or is it other women 00:57:13.420 --> 00:57:18.119 that you work with or or is it just women? Firstborn 00:57:18.119 --> 00:57:22.039 daughters, but if someone falls into a parentified 00:57:22.039 --> 00:57:25.239 role where they've had to take responsibility. 00:57:25.300 --> 00:57:27.960 So one of the members, her firstborn daughter 00:57:27.960 --> 00:57:30.360 had some mental health and health issues. So 00:57:30.360 --> 00:57:33.239 she kind of by proxy became the firstborn daughter, 00:57:33.360 --> 00:57:34.960 even though she's not officially the firstborn 00:57:34.960 --> 00:57:38.800 daughter. So anyone who identifies as being parentified 00:57:38.800 --> 00:57:42.420 and takes on those traits of the over -giving, 00:57:43.380 --> 00:57:47.889 the feeling unseen, the perfectionism. the, you 00:57:47.889 --> 00:57:50.389 know, all of those traits that we kind of spoke 00:57:50.389 --> 00:57:52.469 about at the beginning, they would fit the mold 00:57:52.469 --> 00:57:56.650 of that community. Okay. Okay, I love that. And 00:57:56.650 --> 00:58:01.150 like, I have a question here. I didn't know if 00:58:01.150 --> 00:58:04.449 it fits right now. I'm just gonna ask it because 00:58:04.449 --> 00:58:07.670 I wrote it, I typed it out. So what's one boundary 00:58:07.670 --> 00:58:15.090 a firstborn daughter can set that doesn't That 00:58:15.090 --> 00:58:19.289 doesn't really allow her to stay like fighting 00:58:19.289 --> 00:58:26.889 the ambition with a piece That sounds not so 00:58:26.889 --> 00:58:31.030 clear -cut so if I'm asking the answer the question 00:58:31.030 --> 00:58:36.150 Play me the question that they should ask themselves 00:58:36.150 --> 00:58:40.050 is do I have the capacity time or? energy and 00:58:40.050 --> 00:58:43.789 resources to be able to give. The answer is no, 00:58:43.989 --> 00:58:47.829 then the boundary is no. The issue is they don't 00:58:47.829 --> 00:58:50.809 know how to feel whether they have the capacity. 00:58:51.309 --> 00:58:55.730 They're on autopilot of yes. The first thing 00:58:55.730 --> 00:58:58.590 that they need to do is un -numb themselves to 00:58:58.590 --> 00:59:01.630 where they're coming from. Because I had a coaching 00:59:01.630 --> 00:59:04.070 call this morning and one of the first -born 00:59:04.070 --> 00:59:06.349 daughters was like, but I love giving and it 00:59:06.349 --> 00:59:08.840 makes me feel good. I'm like... all of those 00:59:08.840 --> 00:59:11.500 things are true but you're getting coaching about 00:59:11.500 --> 00:59:13.500 it because there was a point where it tipped 00:59:13.500 --> 00:59:15.579 and now you're feeling a little resentful she 00:59:15.579 --> 00:59:17.659 was like yeah and i'm like and that happens a 00:59:17.659 --> 00:59:20.059 lot doesn't it she said yeah i'm like so the 00:59:20.059 --> 00:59:22.159 first thing you need to do is un -numb yourself 00:59:22.159 --> 00:59:24.340 so that you know when you've hit your capacity 00:59:24.340 --> 00:59:26.599 but you're still giving and in the coach and 00:59:26.599 --> 00:59:30.219 i said to her what do you think Makes you over 00:59:30.219 --> 00:59:32.559 give and she said I don't know. I guess I feel 00:59:32.559 --> 00:59:35.119 significant and I feel needed and I said so Can 00:59:35.119 --> 00:59:38.159 you imagine can you see how for your mind? that's 00:59:38.159 --> 00:59:40.659 a fearful thing to let go of because it's like 00:59:40.659 --> 00:59:44.079 if I believe I'm worthy and I'm Important to 00:59:44.079 --> 00:59:46.800 people because of what I do for them if I start 00:59:46.800 --> 00:59:49.860 saying no, then who am I that's a threat to existence 00:59:49.860 --> 00:59:53.059 You know, so it's layered. It's being able to 00:59:53.059 --> 00:59:56.320 look at the undercurrent drivers that makes them 00:59:56.320 --> 01:00:01.000 overextend and being brave enough to stop like 01:00:01.000 --> 01:00:03.739 to go against it to see if everyone's going to 01:00:03.739 --> 01:00:06.239 disappear which no one usually does there's a 01:00:06.239 --> 01:00:09.360 transition period especially family members but 01:00:09.360 --> 01:00:11.619 they will get the evidence that no we still love 01:00:11.619 --> 01:00:14.559 you even though you're not doing as much so it's 01:00:14.559 --> 01:00:17.800 nuanced but the boundary would be how can i check 01:00:17.800 --> 01:00:20.260 in with myself to ask myself can i truly give 01:00:20.260 --> 01:00:22.079 and do i really have it to give and if the answer 01:00:22.079 --> 01:00:25.340 is no then don't Then don't okay. I got that. 01:00:25.340 --> 01:00:27.679 Are you taking on clients now or I know you said 01:00:27.679 --> 01:00:31.659 you work? Very minimally for your work hours 01:00:31.659 --> 01:00:36.199 now I'm back on work mode now in the new year. 01:00:36.199 --> 01:00:39.280 I'm hails from the operation. I'm trying to get 01:00:39.280 --> 01:00:43.019 out there. So I Excited to celebrate a couple 01:00:43.019 --> 01:00:45.719 weeks ago, but I got featured on essence. I wrote 01:00:45.719 --> 01:00:49.380 a piece around why it's all the best one is and 01:00:49.380 --> 01:00:52.650 struggle to go from corporate to entrepreneurship. 01:00:53.510 --> 01:00:58.769 So the intention now is to grow my brand and 01:00:58.769 --> 01:01:01.030 visibility. My word for the year is visibility. 01:01:01.190 --> 01:01:03.429 I haven't been great at social media, but I want 01:01:03.429 --> 01:01:06.110 to be able to get some of these concepts and 01:01:06.110 --> 01:01:10.250 ways that I think out there to help people. So 01:01:10.250 --> 01:01:13.389 yes, I am taking on clients. I'm reducing the 01:01:13.389 --> 01:01:15.170 amount of one -on -one clients and I'm moving 01:01:15.170 --> 01:01:18.090 more into building the community. But yes, the 01:01:18.090 --> 01:01:20.409 answer is yes. I think it's beautiful. I think 01:01:20.409 --> 01:01:22.409 what you're sharing like what we shared through 01:01:22.409 --> 01:01:26.929 this hour is first of all powerful and the fact 01:01:26.929 --> 01:01:31.510 that you just really opened yourself up to the 01:01:31.510 --> 01:01:36.530 conversation was very much appreciated and you 01:01:36.530 --> 01:01:38.989 know there's a couple of firstborn daughters 01:01:38.989 --> 01:01:41.610 in my family so from my mom's side and my dad's 01:01:41.610 --> 01:01:45.190 side so I get that world about like who you're 01:01:45.190 --> 01:01:49.599 serving and I think that's a powerful community 01:01:49.599 --> 01:01:52.980 that you are serving and for them to get, you 01:01:52.980 --> 01:01:56.440 know, what you're giving them to, you know, help 01:01:56.440 --> 01:01:58.079 them with their success and where they're going 01:01:58.079 --> 01:02:00.980 in life. It's a very beautiful thing. So how, 01:02:01.519 --> 01:02:04.519 I know that, you know, you have a limited way 01:02:04.519 --> 01:02:07.000 of, you know, connected with people right now, 01:02:07.000 --> 01:02:09.139 but how can people get in touch with you and 01:02:09.139 --> 01:02:13.659 communication with you? So there's my website, 01:02:13.760 --> 01:02:18.710 which is www .healedhero .com. I need to update 01:02:18.710 --> 01:02:21.070 it to specify it to first born daughters, but 01:02:21.070 --> 01:02:23.690 it's currently written for high performing female 01:02:23.690 --> 01:02:26.789 entrepreneurs and executives. But I kind of want 01:02:26.789 --> 01:02:29.630 to target the broader group of first born daughters 01:02:29.630 --> 01:02:31.710 even if they're not entrepreneurs and executives 01:02:31.710 --> 01:02:34.309 because I think it's unfair to leave them out. 01:02:34.309 --> 01:02:37.650 I just need to figure out. Less and I need to 01:02:37.650 --> 01:02:39.389 figure that out anyway, so there's my website 01:02:39.389 --> 01:02:44.010 and then I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram So over 01:02:44.010 --> 01:02:46.030 the next couple of weeks the intention is to 01:02:46.030 --> 01:02:49.170 start getting out there and posting so Join my 01:02:49.170 --> 01:02:52.610 mailing list on my website and then follow on 01:02:52.610 --> 01:02:56.050 those channels some content and hopefully lots 01:02:56.050 --> 01:02:58.210 of value. But yeah, this has been a really easy 01:02:58.210 --> 01:02:59.849 conversation. You said that thank you for being 01:02:59.849 --> 01:03:02.650 open, like not everyone gets that out of me. 01:03:02.650 --> 01:03:05.849 So you're good at asking the right questions 01:03:05.849 --> 01:03:08.909 and creating space for the explanations to come 01:03:08.909 --> 01:03:11.869 out. So I appreciate and value that. So thank 01:03:11.869 --> 01:03:14.710 you for this conversation. Absolutely. Absolutely. 01:03:15.130 --> 01:03:19.230 So with our last question, excuse me, I just 01:03:19.230 --> 01:03:24.849 got choked up. For the last question, what's 01:03:24.849 --> 01:03:26.710 the last thing that you want to say on this podcast 01:03:26.710 --> 01:03:29.809 this time? What's been on your heart, on your 01:03:29.809 --> 01:03:33.829 mind that you wanted to share? Or anything, story, 01:03:33.929 --> 01:03:36.570 whatever it may be for your words on this podcast. 01:03:39.809 --> 01:03:43.889 I think that the one thing I would want people 01:03:43.889 --> 01:03:49.909 to leave this conversation with is that they're 01:03:49.909 --> 01:03:52.940 more powerful than they know. a lot of the times 01:03:52.940 --> 01:03:55.739 we're attracting the exact circumstances that 01:03:55.739 --> 01:03:59.079 we need to meet the version of ourselves that 01:03:59.079 --> 01:04:02.079 we haven't met yet. So what do I mean by that? 01:04:03.420 --> 01:04:06.360 Every time, so if life is a simulation or a game, 01:04:06.619 --> 01:04:09.500 we're playing at one level and everyone always 01:04:09.500 --> 01:04:12.400 wants to be comfortable and to kind of reach 01:04:12.400 --> 01:04:14.980 this place of happiness. That's not really what 01:04:14.980 --> 01:04:17.340 we want because then it's like, what's the point? 01:04:17.480 --> 01:04:19.800 We're going to die. So when we play at one level 01:04:19.800 --> 01:04:23.929 and we master it, Life sends you challenges and 01:04:23.929 --> 01:04:26.630 circumstances that are going to stretch you to 01:04:26.630 --> 01:04:29.309 kind of deal with that new level. And it's just 01:04:29.309 --> 01:04:31.900 you... being committed to being like, OK, I just 01:04:31.900 --> 01:04:33.739 got to figure out this level. And if you have 01:04:33.739 --> 01:04:37.000 that mindset about it, you will start to experience 01:04:37.000 --> 01:04:38.800 that everything is happening for you. Because 01:04:38.800 --> 01:04:40.260 when you look back, you're like, oh my gosh, 01:04:40.360 --> 01:04:42.119 if that didn't happen, then I wouldn't have learned 01:04:42.119 --> 01:04:43.860 that. Then I wouldn't have created this, and 01:04:43.860 --> 01:04:46.079 I wouldn't have. So instead of having that be 01:04:46.079 --> 01:04:49.199 in hindsight, challenge yourself to ask yourself, 01:04:49.820 --> 01:04:54.320 why is this here to teach me? What is it teaching 01:04:54.320 --> 01:04:59.090 me right now? And how am I? making this harder 01:04:59.090 --> 01:05:01.809 or how am I resisting change and the more you 01:05:01.809 --> 01:05:04.630 can lean into your problems the the short of 01:05:04.630 --> 01:05:06.909 the time period you'll stay in them but you're 01:05:06.909 --> 01:05:09.230 way more powerful than you know and if you just 01:05:09.230 --> 01:05:12.409 in the midst of the pain just trust and lean 01:05:12.409 --> 01:05:15.210 into the growth you will make it to the other 01:05:15.210 --> 01:05:19.750 side and you'll be more wiser stronger resilient 01:05:19.750 --> 01:05:22.150 all of the things on the other side of it so 01:05:22.150 --> 01:05:25.070 that's the only thing I wanted to add thank you 01:05:25.070 --> 01:05:28.070 for saying that that is so perfect I almost got 01:05:28.070 --> 01:05:31.130 tears in my eyes. I admitted it. Because I'm 01:05:31.130 --> 01:05:33.050 going through something right now with my business 01:05:33.050 --> 01:05:39.190 and everything. And it's like, yeah. But that 01:05:39.190 --> 01:05:40.849 word right there is so perfect. I'm glad it's 01:05:40.849 --> 01:05:42.969 recorded because I can go back to it. And that's 01:05:42.969 --> 01:05:46.010 one thing I love about being a host. I get these 01:05:46.010 --> 01:05:49.170 nuggets. And I get to go back and listen to it 01:05:49.170 --> 01:05:52.570 again and again. And thank you for sharing that. 01:05:52.599 --> 01:05:55.440 that is like spot on for me. And I know that 01:05:55.440 --> 01:05:57.239 when somebody hears that it's going to be spot 01:05:57.239 --> 01:05:59.219 on for them because they'll be connected to this 01:05:59.219 --> 01:06:02.840 this conversation and this episode itself. So 01:06:02.840 --> 01:06:05.019 all the information and everything will have 01:06:05.019 --> 01:06:06.699 that in the show notes. And I just want to say 01:06:06.699 --> 01:06:09.300 thank you. Thank you. Thank you for making time 01:06:09.300 --> 01:06:13.539 to be on the podcast. And just thank you. It's 01:06:13.539 --> 01:06:16.400 been a pleasure. Thank you. Absolutely. And as 01:06:16.400 --> 01:06:19.019 we always say, let's make thriving our new normal. 01:06:19.239 --> 01:06:21.639 And I will see you on the next episode.