The big thing that we don't realize is that we're
feeding our nervous system the experience a constant
struggle. constant challenge, and we're not feeding
the experience of a success. I discovered along
my journey that black women -owned businesses
are the fastest growing sector of new businesses,
but our success rate of lasting to five years
is three percent. That means 97 percent of our
businesses that start do not make it to five
years. One big thing is hustle and grind culture
that puts in our mind that if we're not doing
something every minute of the I hate the phrase,
I will sleep when I'm dead. If you won't sleep
when you're dead, you'll be dead. I firmly believe
that any trauma that you have that you've buried
and not dealt with, you think it's okay because
you haven't dealt with it for years, so you think
it's gone. When you go into building something
great and you are having to dip into your greatness
to get this done, the process of your greatness
coming up, it's gonna knock against all that
trauma in there. What's up, fam? Before we get
into this conversation, let me say this. Look,
I know it's a thing, right? But if what we do
here on this channel speaks to you, if it lifts
you, centers you, or helps you see your life
a little clearer, I invite you to like the video
and subscribe so you stay connected. And if you
want these conversations with you beyond YouTube,
download the Thrillable Journey podcast on your
favorite RSS platform. It is a small ass that
goes a long way, and it really truly helps us
create the kind of content that doesn't just
entertain, but actually supports your journey
of growth and alignment. So hit that like, subscribe.
Let's breathe in, get present. step into the
conversation. Again, so I want to welcome you
Lynette to the Thrivewell Journey podcast. How
are you doing? I'm doing wonderful. Thank you,
Michael. Happy to be here. I'm glad you're here.
And as we said in the green room, you know, it's
been we've met through Mari Cooper, and we exchanged
some emails and it's been I think it's been a
couple months. Yes, it has. Yeah. And now we
get to actually meet in person and I can tell
your injury. Of course, I've done research and
looked at your podcast and things like that.
And I can tell your injury is really, really
good and really present. So I'm happy to have
you on. And one of the things that I wanted to
know is, in life, we're all reacting and not
reflecting. So I want to do that one second.
So I want to know, what was the first time that
you truly felt that you were connected to your
purpose? And in that moment, what did it teach
you? Let's see, the first time I felt I was truly
connected to my purpose, I would say it was probably
when I was in my third or fourth podcast episode.
And it was really after I had done the episode
and I was speaking with the entrepreneur that
I had, that was the guest of the episode. And
she was telling me how she had actually looked
back at the episode and realized how much she'd
grown. So I realized because part of the method
to my madness is that I don't send people questions
ahead of time. I like for our conversations to
be organic. And in that way, they're not prepped
in anticipating what to answer, but they're really
pulling from in the moment, the truth of that
moment. So our interview allowed her to really,
you know, talk about her journey and where she
had started and where she was now, and she could
just see her growth by talking about it. Because
one of the things that I'm really adamant about
is us taking time to celebrate our wands and
feel the wands in our body. You know, a lot of
times when we accomplish things, we jump right
on to the next thing. So being able to hear from
her that she, the process of... being on my podcast
actually gave her the chance to sit in her accomplishments,
to recognize how much she had accomplished while
otherwise she was so busy doing the next thing,
she hadn't recognized it. And that's when I felt
I was in my purpose because I was like, that's
what I want to bring to black women entrepreneurs.
The realization that it's not just about the
doing. but it's about the giving yourself the
permission to be proud of what you've accomplished
as opposed to grind, grind, hustle, hustle all
the time. Yeah. So that was one of those moments
when I felt like, okay, that's my purpose because
tell you the truth, Michael, starting the podcast
was it was one of those things that I did without
a lot of contemplation. And I'm a thinking person,
you know, coming from accounting, I would think
things, you know, to death, basically, you know,
why and what and how, but it was kind of like,
there's some messages that you receive that you
know. you receive them from a force so much greater
than you that it's like, how can I question that,
right? There is no logic to it. There is no,
you know, there is no way I can connect and say
this makes sense because, but this feels right.
So the calling to start the podcast was something
that just felt right. It wasn't, it wasn't a
natural part of my personality. It wasn't something
I ever thought of doing, but it just felt right.
So I just get it, right. Without knowing a lot
of stuff. But that mom with her kind of giving
me her reflection of what she saw and heard,
her own story, just solidified for me, like,
yeah, you're in the right space doing the right
thing. And this is the purpose of why you're
doing it. Well, I think that's great because
you talked about, well, first of all, yeah, I
know exactly what you're talking about when I
was sitting at this very spot and kind of placed
you some things about my business and All of
a sudden, you know, I will, you know, as an actor,
you know, that's one thing, but then trying to
do a podcast, that's a whole, that's a business,
that's a whole world. I wasn't even interested
in doing this. But like you said, something greater
was like, yeah, here you go. Here's a little
push. Right. And along the way, you know, you
figure things out, you get, you know, tested
and tried and knowledge and, you know, and all
that good stuff. And you find yourself, you know,
doing something that you love, which is really
great. And you talked about really celebrating
your wins. And I think that you hit something
really big there. And we're going to talk about
really focus on Black women entrepreneurs. Do
you really feel that they're in a hole? People,
Black women entrepreneurs are not celebrating
their wins as the ones that you come across?
Yeah, I do, because, and it's interesting because
no matter where they are in their journey, whether
if they just started or if they've been doing
it for decades, I have to find that their mind
is, and I can really relate to it, their mind
is forward thinking to the next thing, you know,
the next hurdle. Like, yeah, I just got over
this hurdle and I accomplished this, but there's
something else waiting that I got to get to.
And they don't take that pause to say, you know,
you... Do you recall how tough this scene when
you first started this hurdle and now you're
on the other side of it? So catch your breath,
you know, do a little rejoicing, realize you
have grown, how you've grown, what you've accomplished,
let that digest because the big thing that we
don't realize is that we we're feeding our nervous
system the experience a constant struggle. a
constant challenge and we're not feeding it the
experience of a success, right? So then our mind
and our nervous system are so in tune with struggling
and challenges that have you heard, I'm sure
you and your audience have heard people say they
had a goal and then when they finally reached
the goal, they got there and they felt empty.
But all the way to there, they were telling themselves,
when I get here, it's gonna be great. When I
get here, you know, everything is going to be
beautiful. But when they got there, it wasn't.
And that's because all the way to there, they
were full of stress, struggle, strife, you know,
impossibility, how I'm going to get this done.
So when they got it done, they arrived with a
nervous system full of all that old energy. They
didn't let a new energy settle in. And usually
they still don't. What they do is jump to, OK,
well, it looks to be something else I need to
do. When I get to that next goal, then I'm going
to feel content. So they never let it settle
in. They just jump to something else. And that's
the issue. At that point, you're not feeling
peace. I think one of the greatest things you
said is like you're on the journey to get into
that spot. You're filled with all this old energy,
the angst, the anxiety, the, you know, the unfulfillment
until you get to that space and you think you're
going to be fulfilled. and then you're not because
you still carry that old energy. What do you
think that people should do on that journey to
a goal in order to arrive fulfilled? One thing
they can do is break that goal down into small
wins, right? Most goals have a lot of moving
parts. So let's say it's... It's five to 10 things
you have to complete to get to that goal, or
you have to accomplish. Break that down into
wins. Okay, when I get the first thing done,
that's a win. If your goal is starting my own
business, break that down to getting my business
registered. That's a win, right? I paid, I got
it registered, I got my EIN number. Getting my
business bank account open. That's the wind.
I found the right bank to work with. Didn't have
a lot of fees. That's great. I started the bank
account. Good, right? Then the next step, like
as you go through these steps, you have to let
the wind sit in. So make your, break your big
target down to smaller pieces. And then when
you accomplish those smaller pieces, let that
wind sit in. and then go to the next thing, but
don't just jump, but okay, I got it, what's tending
to do, let me go one, two, you know, get one
done, let it settle in, breathe, just pause and
breathe, I got that. Let me check it out. Then
you get the next one done. Get the next one done.
What do you say to women who just, they just
feel like they gotta just always get it done
though? Like they - I say, right, I say that's
not sustainable. Okay. That's not sustainable.
it's gonna lead to burnout, and you're not feeding
your purpose, you're not feeding your soul. So
you're in this, right? We go into a business
to create something or to provide a service because
there's a passion, there's a reason behind it,
there's a purpose behind it. So think about this,
if I show up to the thing that I feel like is
my purpose, the purpose of my soul, the purpose
of me being here, and I show up empty of energy,
Empty of creativity, body worn out and worn down,
spirit exhausted. How great am I serving that
purpose? How great is what I'm producing and
what I'm giving going to be versus if I show
up well rested, if I show up having poured into
my spirit, if I show up full of energy and creativity.
What I mean, what is the difference in what I'm
going to be able to give and create? So pausing
to acknowledge those wins and let them sit in
your system is showing up full of energy, showing
up full of creativity, showing up with your soul
field versus running from one thing to the next,
to the next, to the next is showing up burnt
out. with low energy, low creativity. You couldn't
even hear a solution if it was yelling in your
ear, right? Because you're so, you're so worn
out, burnt out. And another thing, Michael, I
discovered along my journey that black women
-owned businesses are the fastest growing sector
of new businesses, but our success rate of lasting
to five years is 3%. That means 97 % of our businesses
that start do not make it to five years. A big
part of that is the burnout. A big part of that
is the way we're doing things lead us to start
feeling like, why am I doing this? This is too
much. I'm not getting where I want to be. It's
not feeling like I thought it would feel. I mean,
97 % where the industry average is between 40
to 50 for all businesses. It's between 40 to
50 % that don't make it five years. We're at
97%. That's wild. Yeah. That's wild. And these
are people that have dreams. Exactly. These are
people who have dreams. These are people who
want financial freedom, people who want to change
the world, people who have decided, I don't want
to boss. people who have full of creativity and
talent that they want to put to use and serve
the world with. And they are at record numbers
going out and starting businesses, but at record
numbers not succeeding. Yeah. What's the answer
for that? The answer for that is I think a combination
of learning how to take care of ourselves. And
I put that under the umbrella of radical self
-love. Self -acceptance. self -care, self -awareness,
and self -expression, right? So for us, part
of it means changing the way we think about how
to get to success. There's a lot in social media
that we should ignore. I'm gonna say that again.
There's a lot in social media that we as entrepreneurs
should ignore because it's not realistic, it's
not sustainable, it's not healthy for you. One
big thing is this hustle and grind culture that
puts in our mind that if we're not doing something
every minute of the day, like, I hate the phrase,
I will sleep when I'm dead. You won't sleep when
you're dead, you'll be dead. Right? Right? Right?
No sleep, I sleep when I'm dead. No, your body
needs you to sleep now. Because when you're dead,
you won't be doing anything, right? So... Throw
that nonsense out. Hustle and grind. Throw that
nonsense out. The sacrifices that our ancestors
made for us to be here was not so we would be
working as endlessly as they were forced to work,
right? So throw that nonsense out. There's a
smarter and better way to do anything. So embrace
ease. You know, sometimes you feel like ease
and easy are bad words and it has to be hard
and tough. That's not true. It's hard and tough
if you're trying to do it all yourself, right?
So we have to come to the realization that we
can't build it all by ourselves. We may start
as a solopreneur, but we have to think forward
in a way of, okay, who can I add to my team or
what do I need to add to my team to do things
more efficiently where I'm not having to do everything
all the time. Right. So let me think about let
me talk about mentality when you talk about I
don't have to do it all myself Growing up with
you know, just single black mom, you know, I
had my dad but he was in the house You know,
she was always doing it. Do you think that? Generationally
that that whole mentality has come along where
you know, I'm a black woman I got to get this
not I got to do this and I got to do it on my
own and if that's the case How do you shift that
mentality to? You know I can build something
and I can build it with a team and I can trust,
you know, and a team to help me get this business
up the ground and get it done. Yes. I do think
that that generational process is definitely
plays into this, right? If we've seen so much
struggle and that has been our experience, then
we have embodied that experience and we are reliving
that experience. So one thing I would say is
look at any successful business, any business
that's successful, that is attractive to you,
and dig into that business and see how many people
are part of that business being successful. You're
gonna find out there are departments full of
different people in those departments, headed
by people who specialize in those areas, and
the CEO the figurehead of the business is not
doing the day -to -day work of that business.
They drew that business to a point where they
have a team doing that day -to -day work. And
they are more strategically planning in that
business. So embrace that, that's where you want
to get to. Like release the thought pattern that
everything has to be done with your hands because
you limit yourself. You limit yourself when you're
thinking, I have to touch everything in this
business to make it successful. You can't expand
and grow like that. You can't scale like that
because you only have 24 hours a day. And part
of that, you have to rest and do other things.
So if your business depends on only the energy
you can put into it, it's not going to last too
long. It's not going to scale. So you have to
be able to embrace the concept of thinking of
business building differently. How do I build
a sustainable business where I put systems in
place so that as I grow my business revenue,
I already have it plotted out the first three
positions I'm going to add. It can be a freelancer.
It can be a consultant. But I have those positions
plotted out. I've researched how much it's going
to cost to pay those positions. So when my income,
my revenue gets to a certain level, I'm going
to bring those people on board. Right. So the
things that I'm not strong in doing, because
don't think for one minute that you are great
at doing everything your business needs. You're
not. You can say that. Right? You are not great
at doing everything your business needs. You
are great at your core genius, that core talent,
that core skill you have. Because of design,
usually you have to start out doing everything.
Right. That's because of design. That's not where
you want it to end up. That's just the beginning.
In the beginning, you're wearing all the hats.
You're doing your marketing. You're doing your
business planning. You're dealing with your bookkeeping,
managing your money. You're doing all the creativity.
You're doing the networking. But you don't want
that to be your system forever. That's one stage
of your business. The next stage of your business
is figuring out what key activities am I doing
that either I don't like or I'm not strong in
that I want to bring someone in to do that for
me. Yes. And how am I going to pay for that?
So I need to get this revenue up so I can pay
for that. Get that off my plate. Open up some
space so I can start thinking more strategically
about my business. Putting systems in place so
when those people come on board, this is how
this is done. And if they have a more efficient
way to do it, great. That's why I hired you.
This is how I was doing it when it was only me
and I used chat GPT and I used Google. This is
what I figured out. But okay, you already got
something together that would help it be easier
and quicker, more efficient, produce more revenue.
Come on board. That's what I'm paying you for.
That's how we have to think about our business
as, okay, the starting stage is going to be just
me doing these things, but that's not forever.
It's one of the biggest things that I've learned
throughout my journey as an entrepreneur is give
things away. It's okay. Give it away. It's okay.
Work on your business, not always in your business.
Allow yourself to grow as a leader, as a founder,
so that you can create space, not only for you,
but for you to grow so you can grow the business
for other people to come in and be fortunate
and get the jobs that they want and that they
love doing. Exactly. Right. And I love what you
said, work on your business and not just in your
business. And that's a distinction I think we
need to let people sit with for a minute, because
working in your business is you doing all the
tasks, right? This has to be done. That has to
be done. This has to be paid. I have to post
this. on your business is what is my strategic
strategic plan for the next year right what are
my goals in these areas that's working on your
business the planning part of your business the
strategies of your business as opposed to doing
tasks ladies check this out because you're gonna
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Use it for me. Wonderful. Wonderful. Now I want
to go back because you are, you're really, your
mission is deeply rooted for my research and
everything with Sisterhood. What role does community
play in like your own healing and your business
growth? Since we're talking about that can really
place a big part just like you mentioned Michael
from being on the podcast and just Talking to
entrepreneurs you learn so much right because
you realize that you Don't know it also. I have
met so many brilliant black women through my
podcast and learned so much from them that it
is just amazing and And I love the process that
I'm able to bring all that intelligence and all
that experience for other black women entrepreneurs
to tap into. The reason I started the podcast
was because I had started a business in... I
was going to all three workshops, the SBA, the
SCORE, all these workshops, and following the
steps they gave you to do. Do one, two, three,
and you'll get to four and five. And I was doing
one, two, three, and four and five wasn't happening
for me. So I was like, I need... to be able to
speak to some black women entrepreneurs to find
out what are they doing to get the four and five?
Like how they be creative? Why is this not working
for me? You know, what am I not doing and what
are they doing differently? And I really couldn't
find a resource for that. And then I uncovered
the 97 % failure rate of black women on businesses.
And I was like, so I know there's other sisters
out there like me searching for a resource to
get this information from. And that's why I created
the podcast, because I want to ask the questions
that I know we need answers to, that you can't
get at a networking event. You can't walk up
to a new stranger and ask them these type of
questions and have them be honest with you, Ron.
Because there's so much dishonest information
out there. on social media. So what community
does is it gives you those honest answers. Sisterhood,
it gives you that support that you can't find
anywhere else. I have a group, Black Women Blooming,
that I have where we come together for community
and we work on radical self -love. It's just
Black women entrepreneurs sharing their stories,
sharing their journey, and learning how to do
business differently. Like all the things we're
talking about here, learning how to do those
things differently. And it's just impactful,
the power and energy you can feel in a room when
Black women get together helping each other,
right? And you're allowed to come in the room
feeling however you feel, right? You don't have
to feel happy and joyful and positive every day
you show up. However you show up is fine, because
you have permission to be a real person, right?
So you can show up feeling tired and exhausted.
And that's fine, right? We can talk about that.
We can move through that. So community is very
key. I would advise, because entrepreneurship
can be a very long journey because we're not
surrounded naturally by other entrepreneurs.
We are surrounded by other employees. It's a
different mindset. It's a different conversation.
There are certain things that they would not
understand about your new journey, right? And
that's just a fact. Get into a community with
like -minded people, and you will be amazed at
the level of growth you can experience. Yeah.
Yeah. You know, one of the things I've been learning
is that success on the outside, externally, really
relates to who you are internally. And you're
talking about radical self -love. How did that
show for you in your early days in your entrepreneurial
journey? It showed up at realizing that... there
was more to building a business than just doing
tasks. It had to be, I had to also honor the
person that I am. I had to honor the things that
we often neglect when we're either working really
hard at a job, right, for somebody else, or giving
to others before we think about what we need.
The concept that being sacrificial is rewarded.
Like, we're generally, in this society, rewarded
for burnout activities, right, for going above
and beyond. Even though you need to rest, I worked
all night and got the stun for you. Right. I
didn't sleep. I got this stuff. Oh, thank you
so much. That's applauded and rewarded. That's
not good, right? So I had to break a lot of bad
habits and realize, okay, how do I honor myself
and still build a successful business? How do
I honor myself One of the things that I say,
entrepreneurship is a very spiritual journey
because I firmly believe that any trauma that
you have that you've buried and not dealt with,
you think it's okay because you haven't dealt
with it for years, so you think it's gone. When
you go into building something great and you
are having to dip into your greatness to get
this done, the process of your greatness coming
up, it's gonna knock against all that trauma
in there. Yeah, and it's not say you need to
get this out the way before I can come out You
need to heal this before I can come out. You
need to start working on this stuff before I
can come out, right? So when those things start
you start knocking up against those things and
you're trying to do something great and you feel
yourself Why do I keep going back to the same
place and I'm trying to get go forward It's because
there's something you need to pause and deal
with you need to figure out what that is I say
every Every human needs a therapist. Every entrepreneur
needs a therapist and a coach. The therapist
to help you deal with the things from your past
that are going to come up that you haven't dealt
with. The coach to help you move your business
forward for the blind spots you're not going
to see and the accountability you're not going
to hold yourself to. Really great. Right. So,
yes. No, go ahead, go ahead. So in my own experience,
I found as I was building a business and trying
to achieve greatness in that business, I was
knocking up against unresolved things within
myself that I had to stop and deal with. It was
like, we can't go any further until you deal
with this. And we often think it's disconnected.
The business is one thing and then your personal
is something else, but it's all you. Especially
as a solopreneur, your business is all you. Right?
So it's this you that you're bringing to your
business, it's going to dictate whether your
business succeeds or whether it fails. A lot
of times we end up going to get paying for different
programs. Oh, this marketing program is going
to make me successful. This is going to make
me... Oh, just shiny new things we're paying
for outside of ourselves thinking that's the
answer. When the answer is, we need to pause
and deal with what's within here that we're avoiding.
that we're avoiding. I think sometimes entrepreneurship
can be used as an escape goat. And I think one
of the most powerful things that I just heard
come through for me was that you have to deal
with what's going on with you. Because like you
said, there's going to be some things that show
up that you're going to have to confront. And
your business is ultimately a reflection of what's
happening to you inside anyway. You have this
part of you that's, you know, that want to strive
for success, but then you might have this other
stuff that you're not dealing with that's going
to bring you down. So your business is not going
to go as far as you want to go because of some
things that you haven't dealt with yet. Right.
And what do you say to those people that are
probably in that space right now? What do they
do to really, really confront what's showing
up for them? so that they can get past that level
that they're trying to get past in order to have
their business grow. Well, I would say the key
is taking the time because a lot of times people
run away from silence. So taking the time to
sit in the silence, taking the time to do simple
things like journal, what you're feeling, what
you're thinking, you would be surprised at what
comes up because it's in there wanting to come
out. But when you talk about entrepreneurship
being a scapegoat. It's easy for us to stay busy
so that we don't have to deal with these things.
And we're thinking that if I keep just working
harder, success is going to come. And that's
not the answer. That's not the solution, right?
You will be burnt down, burnt down, right? Exactly.
Just working, working, working. But I'm working
hard. And people are probably congratulating
you for working so hard. You're really committed.
You're working hard. But you know. it's not that
hard work that you need to tend to. You know
it's something else. So you have to pause and
be honest with yourself and deal with that something
else. I would say one of the sacred smile steps
you can take is just writing journaling, journaling
about what you feel. From there, I think the
awkward process though is to work with a therapist,
work with someone you can talk it out with. because
there is so much healing and being able to express
what you feel. And once you allow yourself, give
yourself permission to listen to what's coming
out, it's going to definitely come out. You will
discover what it is that you need to work through.
One of the big things I've found is entrepreneurs
can have what I call money trauma and not be
aware of it. On one side, you're saying, I want
to be successful. I want to make this much money.
On the other side, you're afraid to make that
amount of money, right? Like your business plan
says, I want to make this by month six or this
by year three or year five. But internally, you're
struggling with the concept of, well, if I make
that much money, what's going to happen? No,
is it believable? If it's believable, then what
will I do when I get there? you have an envision
yourself beyond that spot. So it's kind of, it's
difficult for you to really mentally and emotionally
get there to that accomplishment. And you don't
realize you are self sabotaging yourself because
you're saying one thing, but you're really feeling
something else. So maybe when you grew up, you
were told things like money don't grow on trees,
or you were made to feel like you didn't deserve
to have something special that was a little expensive,
right? So you're penny pinching everything, right?
So you really don't honor abundance, right? If
you grew up and you internalized the energies
of scarcity, you don't honor abundance. Maybe
you grew up with an environment where people
who were wealthy were bad. You were always taught
that they must have gotten their money by doing
something that, you know, that was horrible or
they were not good people because they have a
lot of money. So internally, somewhere you feel
that way. If I get too rich, then I'm not going
to be a good person. And it's not as literal
as that in your mind, but that feeling is in
that belief. is controlling your steps, controlling
how you express yourself in business. Well, that
definitely speaks to your subconscious, and that
subconscious is what, you know, really runs the
show. Right. You know, your mouth may say one
thing, I want to be, you know, super successful
in my business, but what you believe in your
subconscious and your being, it may be totally
opposite of that, and that's probably where people
find themselves stuck. I know for me, I was like...
there were environmental, I saw people getting
lots of money, but not in great way, right? And
so I think that played, well, I saw it two different
ways. I saw on one side of my family is like,
you know, very successful working and you know,
gaining abundance. But then I saw it on the other
side where they're gaining bonus, but it was
not the, you know, not the legal way. And so
I had that little split thought that really played
against me and my subconscious. And so as I'm
growing, I have those things that I had to actually
heal in order to continue to grow in my life.
And so I'm still going through that and the healing.
But people may be, you know, environmentally,
they may have that going on with them subconsciously
as they were growing up. And they may need to
heal that. And you talk about, I mean, you talk
about healing and things like that and self -love,
radical self -love and embracing that. It's,
for some people, may not be as easy as just saying,
embrace yourself with radical self -love. What
does that mean to you, radical self -love, and
how does one, especially black female entrepreneurs,
begin to really take the practice of embracing
themselves if they have that kind of trauma going
on with them? Okay, well, in embracing radical
self -love, it means, I think, one of the top
things we have to do is realize that we deserve
we need to give ourselves permission to fill
our cup first, right? So that's a great place
to start. So for someone just beginning the journey
of radical self -love, just realizing, okay,
maybe that's something I need to, you know, sink
my teeth into and try to figure out if that's
effecting what I'm doing in my business. I would
say to take note of what you're doing for a week.
Take a note of how you just how you move in your
life for a week, which means journaling at the
end of the day, every night over what you have
experienced that day, really just what you did
for a week. And then after that week, going back
to read what you did. And when you read what
you did, whatever you did, what I want you to
think about is how much of this was filling your
cup. and how much of this was pouring into others'
cups, right? So you have two categories. Of what
I did for this past week, what actions were me
filling my cup and what actions were me pointing
to other people or giving to other people? And
just to define what filling your cup is and pouring
into other people's cup, what is that? Right,
so filling your cup is when you're doing things
that edify you and your soul. Resting. eating
right, taking a moment of silence, doing something
that's equivalent to self -care for you, right?
Pointing to others or things, tasks and things
you do to serve other people, no matter what
it is, making something for someone, cooking
something else for someone, following up on something
for someone else, taking someone around somewhere
to somewhere, things you do for other people.
Yeah. Right. And... So after you've journaled
about this for a week and you're reflecting going
through this and you're checking out what did
I do for myself and what did I do for others,
you're going to compare these two and see, okay,
so how much am I doing for me and how much am
I doing for others? Now, if you look at that
amount, you're going to, for what you do for
others, ask yourself, why? Why am I doing this
for others? Like, is it... genuine love or care
that I'm doing this? Is it because I feel responsible?
Is it because I like the accolades I get from
other people for doing this? Is it because other
people say this is what I should be doing, right?
It makes a difference. Exactly. It makes a difference.
And a lot of times we're so busy in that spiral
of doing it, we don't stop to critically think
about why we're doing it. Because you're in it
spirally. Exactly. You're so busy in it that
you don't stop to think, and why am I doing this
again? Now, why am I the person that always does
this? You know, is it something you just took
on and just, okay, they expect me to do it, so
I will. But how's that working out for you, right?
That's the next step. Yeah. Journal what you've
done. Look at is it pointed to you or pointed
to others? Why are you doing it? And how they
serve you. Yeah. And that brings that brings
clarity also, you know, just from the actions
and what kind of things. I mean, that's the part,
I guess it's reflecting. You need to reflect
on yourself through those different steps. What
are, what is it? 90 days? Let me look in my notes
here. You have a, you said 90 day journey, right?
90 day journal. Yeah. What mindset set do entrepreneurs
need to really true benefit from your 90 day
journal? Because I know that you have that. And
I think it's, for me, journaling is really powerful
because I get to look back and see from moments
ago that I probably remember in real life, but
if I get to the journal, I'm like, oh yeah, I
was thinking that. That was who I was. How does
that work for entrepreneurs in your 90 -day journal?
Sure. So the 90 -Day Your 90 -Day Success Journal
that I created, it's inclusive of planning. So
it's planning a quarter in your business, planning
quarterly, and then breaking that plan down to
monthly, then weekly, and then daily execution.
So what it looks like is you're going to plan,
let's say you plan a month in your business,
things you want to accomplish. You're going to
break that down to what I'm going to accomplish
each week. And then daily, you're going to have
in the journal affirmations. And my suggestion
is that you do these affirmations in the mirror.
So you do these affirmations looking at yourself
in the mirror, speaking to yourself. And the
most important thing is to feel the affirmation.
So it's not just reciting the words and going,
OK, I said them. It's pausing to feel it. You
know, one of the affirmations is, I am worthy,
right? It's not for you to just say, I'm worthy.
I am worthy is for you to feel it. I am powerful,
right? So you acknowledge it. You are powerful.
So the other part of that is, so what am I gonna
do with my power today? Right? So you begin your
day on a note and with the energy that you are
poised for success. You're empowering yourself.
You're bringing up those energies in yourself
before you start anything else. So the affirmations
and then you journal what you're going to do
for that day What is the main thing I want to
accomplish today? So that's just your your thought
process in your business. What is the main task?
What is the main success? What's the main thing
I want to accomplish today? I'm going to work
on yeah, and Then you at the end of your day
you come back and you reflect on how your day
went What did I accomplish? What did I learn?
What made me smile today? Because it's not always
just about the work. It's about what did I experience
today? I also have in there quotes from other
black women, very encouraging quotes. I have
some modalities you can do as far as meditation
and breath work to help you calm your system
down and get it prepared. So those are different
elements of the 90 Day Success Journal that helps
entrepreneurs. honor how they step into their
business in the morning and honor how they go
to rest at night. And once, and a point you made,
once they journaled for that month, there's a
day of reflection for every week. So a day of
reflection to look back on that week and all
your journaling and what did you accomplish?
How did that week go? How did you grow? It's
a really big thing. How did I grow this week?
Right? Because we have challenges, and a lot
of times we feel those challenges are just, right,
just hard stuff. But how did you grow from that
challenge? Because you do know that in building
a business, you're going to grow, right? You
want to grow. So how did you grow from that pain
or that challenge or that thing that you felt
was a negative or that it really halted you from
doing something? How did you grow? How'd you
have to pivot and you did something you now have
a skill or knowledge you didn't have before?
I think that's key. Learning how you grew and
if you grew. Yes. Because you don't want to stay
stagnant. So especially if you're in business
and your business is not going anywhere, it may
be something that I would assert to say it has
something to do with who you're being. Yes. And
if you're not growing through, you know, trials
and the tribulations and the, you know, the mistakes
and all that kind of stuff, then your business
isn't growing. Would you agree with that or no?
Definitely. Definitely. Definitely. Yeah. And
that leads me to this question is that consistency
beats authenticity. And what, in the journaling,
I know we talked about journaling, what are some
of the other daily habits that entrepreneurs,
like female entrepreneurs especially, can take
daily that will impact their business and successful
growth. And I would say, I'm definitely making
sure that you give yourself permission to rest.
Yeah. Right? That's a big thing. Give yourself
permission to rest. When you find yourself in
your mind, you're running around in circles to
find a solution for something, instead of selling
for that solution that really doesn't feel right,
give yourself permission to rest and come back
to it later. Right? So give me yourself permission
to rest. A lot of times we as entrepreneurs feel
like we have to be working all the time in order
to prove to others that we are sincere about
our business, but that's not sustainable. Exactly.
So give yourself permission to rest. Rest does
a couple of things. It helps your mind refresh,
helps your nervous system calm down. It also
helps your creativity. It stirs up your creativity.
So when you come back with a rest in mind, you'll
find solutions coming to you. Like people say
they often get their greatest ideas in the shower,
right? That's because they're in there and they
can't be busy doing other stuff. So when their
mind can't... Exactly. And when your mind has
that space for, oh, we're relaxed right now.
Let me give you this idea. Now, the creativity
is always there. The point is, is it coming through
to you or not? Are you allowing it to come through?
So when you're in the shower tending to yourself
and you can't be busy doing 100 different things,
it finds space to come through. Yeah. Where if
you sit still and rest, it will find space to
come through. Yeah, I totally agree with that.
There's moments, and I talked to my producer
about this, where sometimes I'm stuck on something,
and I'm sure that people couldn't relate to this.
You're stuck on something, and what I'll do is
I'll be like, you know what, just release, just
surrender, just be cool, walk away, allow myself
to just be in the present and just rest. And
all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, okay, I can do
this, or I can do that, or I can do this, I can
do that. then all of a sudden I'm just down this
path with actions to get to whatever goal that
I've been trying to meet or whatever, you know,
tasks I'm trying to complete. And it would be
like out of the blue and it wouldn't be something
that I thought of before. It's powerful. Yes,
your nervous system is serious business, right?
So when you are stressed and you are overworked,
right? Your body is in this fight mode, right?
It's in this struggle mode. And those things
you're talking about, how the solutions came
to you, the creativity coming through, it's not
gonna get through in those moments because your
body is busy keeping you alive. Right? You are
restricting your blood vessels. You know, you
got all kinds of physical things going on. That's
not the time your body is going to release creative
ideas. It's like, we got to breathe right. You're
breathing shallow, right? The lungs are working.
It's like, we got too much going on. To stay
alive right now, to give you some creative ideas,
that's not important. What's important is keeping
our system calm and working the blood pumping,
right? So then when you relax, when you take
a break, when you say, okay, you know, I give
up, let me just go rest. Let me just go get a
drink of water. Let me just go read a book. Let
me just go do something. Your body, all those
systems now are relaxed, right? So now your brain...
can give you those creative ideas because it's
not tending to all that other stuff you had going
on when you were stressed and burnt out, right?
Same concept we have to realize when we're pouring
into other people and not pouring into ourselves.
Our systems are working so hard to get all those
things done and to keep you alive, inter -heal
stuff you got going on, that the creativity is
not coming through at those moments. Yeah. So
if you're feeling stuck, The best way to get
unstuck is to give your body relief. Okay, you
don't have to tend to me. You don't have to worry
about me breathing really fast or shallow. I'm
taking slow deep breaths. You don't have to worry
about me and being afraid in fight or flight.
I am calm, right? I have released. I am ready
for the answer. Yeah, you know what? And I could
say, I think that again, people can relate to
this is that. When you're working really hard,
or I'm just gonna use myself, when I'm working
really hard, and I'm trying to just, in a race,
right, like I'm trying to get to a certain space,
or a certain level or whatever, and I'm just
working hard, working hard, and I look up and
it's like nothing's happening. But then, if I'm
in my good space, my higher self, what I'll do
is just be with what's happening, be present,
take care of what there's to take care of, and
all of a sudden, I'm like, wait a minute, I accomplished
all this today? without all the stress, the hustle
and the grind and all that stuff that really,
like you said, is not sustainable. Right. Yeah.
That's a lesson for other people too. It's kind
of just relaxing in the doing and just being
someone that's about, you know, really about
accomplishing but peacefully and with surrender.
Yes. You have this amazing thing called compassionate
accounting. First of all, I would not ever have
put those two words together. All right? And
I want to talk about that for a second, but you
say this, and it's the what of it. Running a
business as a black woman can be emotional, rewarding,
and sometimes overwhelmingly journey, and sometimes
overwhelmingly journey, especially when it comes
to handling money. It's not just about numbers.
It's about the story we've inherited. the belief
we've carried and the legacy we're creating.
One of my missions as being a space of transformation
for people is that in the black community, we
don't have a lot of knowledge when it comes to
numbers and finances and legacy and things like
that. Does your business, compassion accounting,
does that teach that? What do you say about people
connecting with that idea and learning more about
finances and legacy? getting into that world
so that we can leave legacy for our generations.
Yes, I feel like it is by design that the simple
concepts of how to build legacy to how to grow
money is not a part of everyday education in
the school system. I think it's by design that
we graduate from high school, we graduate from
college, and we really don't understand how money
works. We know nothing about how investing works.
We know nothing about the stock markets. It's
all portrayed as something way out there that
you shouldn't even try to worry about. You'll
never understand. It's mystical, right? You got
to have a lot of money to even take advantage
of it. So don't worry a little mind about that,
right? by design. So what I do with the compassionate
accounting is a lot of times we as black women
entrepreneurs, and so for women, first of all,
just for women, we have a lower confidence of
talking about money and dealing with money than
men do. As black women, we have additional layers
on top of that low confidence, right? We have
money trauma. So when you talk about building
a business and the resources that are available,
there's a lot of resources we're not aware of
and that we feel emotionally about, like business
loans. You know, how we felt like owing someone
money is a negative concept and carrying that
over to your business lane. can be a challenge.
Being given different avenues to how to build
wealth and how people can invest in you and how
you can be successful in money and seeing that
through the lens of... having money trauma can
be debilitating to your business. So with Compassionate
County, what I do is I want to break down those
mindset burials we have when it comes to money,
like the way we don't want to deal with looking
at what our true business expenses are. We have
it all mixed up with our personal expenses and
our personal account. We have receipts hidden
in every different drawer. When it comes to tax
time, we just want to get it over with. and we
just give you all these receipts and you just
deal with that. Well, you're building a business,
so you have to get friendly with money. You have
to understand how to handle money, manage money,
and grow money. Oftentimes, my profession, the
accounting profession, has made people feel like
they were stupid when they didn't know stuff
about money. Like, why did you do that that way?
You know, you can't do it like that, right? We
expect you to know what we went to college to
learn and we've been doing for years. And now
we want to make you feel like, okay, you're less
than because you don't know all this stuff that
we know, right? Which I think is unfair. So compassionate
accounting brings it down to your level. What
I do is what I love to do is break the complicated
down to the simple every day. So they help you
understand on your terms, wherever you are. what
this means and how it affects your business.
There are a lot of expenses that we as business
owners are not taking advantage of to decrease
our taxes because we're hiding those expenses
all over the place. We have no idea how much
money we're losing paying taxes, right? Because
we're not keeping up with all those expenses.
So I want us to be more organized when we handle
our business. bookkeeping and accounting process.
Get friendly with the money. Understand it. Not
be afraid of it. Understand how we can make it
grow. Understand how we can keep more of it,
right, in our business, right? And so that's
what compassionate accounting is about. Teaching
it in a way that anyone can understand. Teaching
it in a way that it addresses mindset and money
trauma. And it can help you be successful in
your business where the key goal is for you to
have financial freedom. So, you got to deal with
the money part of it. Right, I do. Yes. I don't
know... Yes, we all... And it's not something
to be ashamed of if it's something that you struggle
with, because we all know someone who's been
rich, wealthy, or famous, who then got broke,
who then owed back taxes, right, who died with
zero money, and that's because they had money
trauma. That's because they didn't deal with,
they didn't look at their, they weren't comfortable
looking at their numbers or discussing their
numbers. Right? They, they felt like, oh, let
me let somebody else do that. As opposed to,
I need to know where my money is going. We as
business owners need to know where our money
is going. And there's a myth, right? I think
even in authorities, but I know I'm black, so
I'm talking about the black community where people
of certain age group will not talk about money
or didn't talk about money. And I don't think
that was, it's not the wisest because you need
to teach the next generation on how to invest
or what to do and how to save and what to spend
money on, all that kind of stuff. Can you speak
to that about the myth of money and finances
and not speaking on it? Yes. What we don't discuss,
we... When we don't discuss things, we have a
very low level of understanding of them. So,
if you're not discussing money with your family,
with your kids, they're going to have a very
low level of understanding of how to deal with
money, right? So, let's say we come from a generations
or generations or a family environment where
money wasn't spoke of, like it was not your business
to know how much money I make. You know, it's
not your business to know what our expenses are
and how we deal with that. Well, that's a cycle
we have to break, right? Especially entrepreneurs,
because if we're building legacy, you don't want
to build a legacy for a family that has a broke
mindset, because it's going to go to waste. You
want to build legacy and educate your family
on, this is how we deal with money. This is how
we invest our money. This is how we reinvest
in our business with money. It's not just for
spending fearlessly, but it's also not for penny
pension and just keeping it in a bank account.
These are the things we do with money. So you
want to, as an entrepreneur, as your business
grows, you want to make sure that you are tapping
into resources for how do I invest this money?
And while that person is telling you how to invest
it, that you have your kids at that table too.
So they learn while you're learning. So they
can ask questions while you're asking questions.
So you're not the one with all the knowledge
and you're hoping they learn how to handle money,
but you're sharing that knowledge with them at
the same time. So that's how you break that cycle.
You bring them to the table when you have those
money talks, because you're building this legacy
to leave it for them, right? You want to know
they know how to handle it. Right, exactly. Because
that too, that too can keep you from building
a bigger business because in the back end mind,
you're thinking, well, they just go run through
it. They don't know what to do with it. This
is how you remedy that. Bring them to the money
top table. Right. Right. And if you're talking
about curses, the way to do it is communication.
Yes. Make the cycle. Yes, definitely. Well, thank
you for being here. We can talk. some more, but
I know the audience, this is about their time
where they're just saying goodbye. As your last
words on this podcast this time, what would you
like to share with people? What I would like
to share is for black women entrepreneurs, what
I want you to internalize and give yourself permission
to believe is that you are worthy of building
wealth while also maintaining your joy and your
health. Like I want you to not believe that you
have to sacrifice your joy or your health to
build wealth. You're worthy of having all three
of those. So please be sure to tend to all three.
Be joyous in your business journey. Be healthy,
right? Don't be just eating everything all times
of the day and not exercising. Be healthy on
your business journey. You deserve to invest
time in that and build your wealth, right? So
don't have it. Don't Set up a goal where you
are putting your joy and health while lay away.
Like, when I make this amount of money, then
I'm going to be happy. Then I'm going to start
going to the gym. Then I'm going to start eating
better. No, no, no, no. Do all three. You are
worthy of all three. You deserve all three. Thank
you. I love that. Don't put that stuff on their
way. That's right. That's great. How do people
get in touch with you? Okay, they can reach me
by going to my website. My podcast is the Women
of Color and Business podcast on YouTube. It's
at WOCIB. the Initials for Women of Color in
Business. So at WOCIB podcast, they can subscribe
to my YouTube channel. My website is WOCIB .org.
They can join my mailing list on the website
and I look forward to connecting with them. That's
amazing. First of all, thank you for being a
voice for Black Women Entrepreneurs, just being
here and sharing that. It's a voice that needs
to be heard. And I thank you for... being on
this podcast, sharing it. And I don't know, it's
been an amazing conversation. And again, one
day when I get a studio and I invite you in and
we'll have one or one in person, it may go longer
than an hour. Wonderful, I would love it. And
Michael, thank you so much for the invitation
to be here. I really appreciate being in this
space. I love your energy and I love our conversation.
I hope your audience enjoyed it. I hope so too.
And this is a time where I pose a question to
the audience, which is, what's one thing from
the conversation that you've heard, you know,
we talk about purpose, joy, self -worth, and
money. And so what I want to know is what's one
thing you're doing right now to build a business
that aligns with who you truly honor? And I want
you to go ahead and drop that in the comments.
And as we always say, let's make thriving our
new normal. And I'll see you next week.