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I wasn't able to get through, I would have had to take in the step forever.

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And when we think about human behavior, part of it as well is understanding that we're human,

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we're abbing and flowing, we're going to have different challenges.

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It's just that I love the challenges. That's what I try to help people understand is I love

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the challenges, I created these challenges. We kind of dove in and we got to see how the perceived

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restrictions that this individual has gave them more opportunities than I have. And it's very

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humbling to see because all we're doing is seeing the other side. And so I really try now, my goal

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is to just catch it, right? So it's like, if anxiety comes up now, it's like, okay, well,

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let me catch it. What's that inspiring thing for you? And then you move forward and it's like,

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yeah, that's what I want. This is not an apples to apples situation, like, you are not going to have

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the business this individual has, I took them 55 years to get there. Hey, family, this is a

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ThriveWord journey. Look, life's too short to just get by. And 2025 is the year to persist.

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We're here to grow, build and thrive. This podcast is all about powerful stories,

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we'll talk and practical steps to help you level up in every area of your life. Now,

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if that sounds like something you need, don't just watch, be a part of the journey. Let us know

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you're here. Do us a favor. If you're listening on the podcast platform, download the episode. And

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if you're watching on YouTube, you know what to do. Hit that like button, subscribe and turn on

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those notifications so you never miss an episode. And as we always say, let's make thriving our new norm.

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ThriveWord journey, we are joined by Carly Pepin, an international speaker and consultant,

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specializing in human behavior. Carly empowers people like you and I to transform the stories

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they tell themselves about their flaws, unlocking a life of purpose and fulfillment. Now, through

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her deep understanding of human behavior, she helps others uncover their true potential and

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design lives guided by authenticity and intention. And I'm really excited to have you on Carly. How

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you doing? I'm great. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. One of the things I think is one

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a very interesting topic is got human behavior. You know, what inspired your journey into mastering

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human behavior? Yeah, so definitely on my own challenges and struggles and not understanding

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myself, who I am, like why I'm doing things that I'm doing. And it kind of took me on a deep dive

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to find individuals who can help me understand those things. So I could create the transformations

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in life. And then I just, you know, you just when you love something, you really want to share it.

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And then it just spirals into like, let's make a business out of this. Right. That's,

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that's kind of how this kind of entrepreneur journey starts like if I'm interested in something,

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then how can I make a business out of it? Can you just share like a defining moment when you

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realize the power of transformation or transforming personal net narratives was, you know, a thing

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for people? Yeah, for sure. I definitely remember when I had, I left the United States for a little

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while and I lived in Australia for a year. And I had left Los Angeles just because I perceived

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Los Angeles was the problem, right? Like that's what I thought was the challenge, which I know a

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lot of people do, but now it's one of my favorite cities. I love it. I call it home. I love it so

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much. So it was interesting. So I moved thinking that that would solve the problems when I got to

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Australia, like everything just followed me. And then I realized all the things that I was blaming

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LA for were actually distractions from what was going on with it. Right. So it was just

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distractions. And I really had to like face that part of myself inside. I wound up finding

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my first coach that was focused on human behavior, the traditional therapies just

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to not work for me. It just didn't work, which I know works for some people, which just didn't work

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for me. So I found my first coach who specialized in human behavior. And within the first few months,

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my anxiety like immediately shifted, which was amazing. And it was just focusing on

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living in my values, understanding my purpose, like understanding that it wasn't ever missing.

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It was always there. I just haven't been giving the time and energy to it and not actually

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shifted my anxiety. So I had been on anxiety medication every day. And I just stopped taking

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it, which was a little crazy as well. Obviously, like, you know, I was trying to lean off of it

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slowly, but at one day I was like, I think I can just get off. And I actually just got off. So that

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was crazy for me. So it was all these things that I was told was not possible. I wasn't able to be

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able to get through. I would have had to take them to the center forever. And then it's like, yeah,

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everything was just fine. So that was amazing. And that was when I was like, teach me more.

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Like, who else are your teachers? What else can I learn? And how do I also do what you do?

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You talk about being on anxiety medication. So I just been transparent. I'm actually on

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anxiety medication. Yeah, I was on it before. And then I just stopped. And then I went through the

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issue of dealing with cancer. And, you know, then they prescribe me. I forgot the, I forgot

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whatever the name of it is. That's one of them. Yeah. Connected to what I am.

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When you got off of it, like what, what was your mindset about getting off of it? And what,

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what was the thing that said, you know what, I don't need this anymore.

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I just was feeling so much better. And I wasn't. So my thing as well as I didn't want to become

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relying on it. I was really, I remember being scared. The doctor offered me the ones that you

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sort of take when you're getting anxiety, just take it every time. And that scared me because I had

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a friend who just had a real drug addiction after taking stuff like that. And I said, I don't want

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that. So they gave me a time release form and I asked for the lowest bill. So thank you to that

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friend. So even though it was helpful with my anxiety, it kind of just curved it, but I was

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still living with it on a daily basis. So I could feel the anxiety that had dissipated because

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sort of the underlying component that felt a little bit of like agitation and stuff had dissipated.

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So I had not numbed it to such a degree that I didn't notice a difference. And that's when I

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thought, you know, maybe I actually don't need it anymore. You know, and it's not to say that we'll

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ever 100% get rid of anxiety because I want to sort of smash that illusion. I know some people

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out there are like, oh, you knew we're doing anxiety. You can, but like life is life. And

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something else like as you said, like cancer came up. And of course, like now this is something new

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and something different. And you might have worked on the thing before that had caused the anxiety,

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but something new stressful came up. And so it's like, we just take it step by step and bit by

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bit. And when we think about human behavior, part of it as well as understanding that we're human,

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we're ebbing and flowing, we're going to have different challenges that come up. And we don't

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know what those challenges are going to drive within us. And so it's like kind of also having

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that self love and understanding for yourself that this is life. This is the ebb and flow.

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Yeah. And so I really try now my goal is to just write. So it's like, if anxiety comes up now,

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it's like, okay, well, let me catch it. Let me see what I can do. Let me see, like if I can figure

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out what's driving it, which sometimes it's obvious, you guys, sometimes it's something present day,

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and I can work on it quickly. And sometimes it's some crazy trigger from like, all group wound

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from what was it good. And those take a bit longer, you know, so I just do my best to try to catch it.

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So it doesn't get like too crazy. But that's the natural reality of life. Like I hope that you

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are embracing this and moving forward in them, because that means that you're really like dedicated

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to something important and the basic challenges and know that it might come up again, you know,

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and now we just have more tools. I think that's what's pertinent for me is that it's, it's something

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that I take. But maybe I don't think I'm a reliant on it. And I feel like if I wanted to stop now,

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I could, which what happened was because I ran out and forgot to call the doctor to describe it

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again. When I got back on it, it was like hit me like a ton of bricks. Like I was like, not used to it.

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No, it wasn't used to it. So what would you say for people that are like, that really don't want to

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continue to take it and look for other things that would help them in the absence of that drug?

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Yeah. And this is where it's like, you know, like I asked my doctor like how to get off it when I

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got off it, right? And they sort of give you like a protocol to be yourself off of it. And you want

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to be cognizant. This is like a drug and it does have like an addictive quality, like whether or

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not we actually get addicted. So I like that's why I went through the process. I'm like, I'm

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going to go through the process that they say, because that's going to make your life easier.

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Right. So definitely check out like with your doctor to connect with them and see what's going on.

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And then the other dynamic too is like, you want to like try to find out where that anxiety stems

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from. You might already know, you know, I know some people think about this and they're like,

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well, I actually already know like what it stems from. Like maybe you have some trauma and you

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have anxiety ever since. But it's like, all right, well, who can you connect with that can actually

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help you to clear that and transform that, you know, and it's like, you know, whether it be myself,

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like I'm a coach and I like to work on those kind of things as well. I'm a demartinian

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facilitator. I love the demartini method. So I'll probably be martinian facilitators out there.

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John Demartini. And he's really helpful and he's a lot of facilitators worldwide. So even if you

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didn't connect with him, like that's a great dynamic to come up with as well as you can suggest.

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He has a really great anxiety protocol that we all utilize. So there's a lot of different dynamics

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of like how you can dive in and go to transform it. And it's like, who can you reach out to? Who

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can you find? Who do you know that already overcame it? Ask them for referrals? But it's really trying

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to like focus on like what works for you, you know, and then there's also day to day things that

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are just helpful. Like I love the inner work, but I also make sure to balance it with all the other

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stuff, you know, like I love yoga. I find that that's really good for like clearing our energy and

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the body. You want to get that. So that's really helpful. But I also really love like going to the

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gym. So I do boxing classes, which is really fun where I live now when I was down by the beach,

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I'd go outside and I'd roll a blade on like the little beach path and stuff. So I really find ways

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that I can get outside, I can get in nature, I can do all these different things to like balance out

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like these days and these dynamics because the reality is is, you know, if anyone's selling

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you like this fantasy that every day is like their most amazing day. Like of course, like I love my

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life and it is very inspiring, but I'm not going to sell some illusion that I don't have challenges

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that I'm working on on a daily basis. You know, it's just that I love the challenges. Like that's

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like what I try to help people understand is like I love the challenges. I created these challenges.

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It doesn't mean I'm sitting here like Disneyland like this is so fun. I react. I'm human. I get

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frustrated. I just trust out. That's normal. It's totally normal. And I have my own judgments and

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misperception and things to work on and all these are like signals on a daily basis and things to

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overcome. It's just that I chose things that I want to overcome. So as opposed to waking up and

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being like, Oh, I have to do all this crap. Like I'm like, Oh, there's a lot of crazy stuff going

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on in my life. But I actually am really excited because like there's also things that I really

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want to overcome. And it's going to be really hard. But this is important to me. This is so

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important to me that I'll do whatever it takes to get there. Right. So that's the difference. But

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then it's also being realistic that it is stressful. Like it can be stressful. And even though it's

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inspiring to you, we still have misperceptions that drive like distress in us. And so I balance it out

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with doing the inner work to shift my perceptions, but also like whatever helps me on the outside,

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you know, like whatever helps you on the outside and find your thing too, because you won't stick

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to it unless it's your thing. I agree. That's so fantastic. You've had, you've lived in Australia,

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kind of global experiences, right? Did that shape your understanding of human, human behavior,

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human challenges? What it did for me is it really helped me to realize like the there are so many

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different individuals on this planet, like living in a different culture, you know, I have, I had

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the opportunity to live in Canada as well for a little bit. And so I've been in Canada, United

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States, and then Australia and kind of bounced around in Canada on, or sorry, US and Australia

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bit. So I've gotten to see all the different like cultural dynamics and stuff. And it's interesting

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because we can really become sheltered and get very stuck in our ways. So when it becomes like to

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human behavior, we have this perception and we get really caught up in what's right or wrong

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according to us. One of the gifts of traveling so much and living in these other countries

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and kind of engrossing myself in other cultures is I realized like it's right or wrong according to

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a culture. And we often subordinate to our own culture, not realizing you'll go somewhere else

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and you're like, this is not acceptable in the US, but like, man, this works really well here. So

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is it that it doesn't work here? Like, did it not work in LA or are they just like a different

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perception? And I'll take it actually just a different perception. And you see how strong no

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matter what culture you're in, it's all really like these perception based. And so it really helped

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me open my mind and open my heart to like the reality that like everyone has their own way of

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doing things. And it's not up to me to say like what's right or wrong. But like even now when I

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work with clients, it's up to me to find out what works best for you and help you to excel at like

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what you're most inspired by, you know, and even when I say this, like, I know there's challenges

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that come in cultures too, but I find when people want to do personal development, like they just

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want to be of service. Like, I don't have to worry about that. Like, I'm not having like crazy things

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come forward. You know, like they're just, they just want to grow and be of service and what

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other core wants to be of service as long as I can. Like, it's to be everything fine.

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Yeah, when you talk to these people, when like when you get into it, like underneath it all,

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yeah, you find that that's what they want. They just want to be of service.

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They want to be of service and they want to be themselves. Right. And like I was working with

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an individual in India, right. And there was a perception that because I'm from America and

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I'm female that I have all these other opportunities, right. And so it was interesting because we kind

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of dove in and we got to see how the perceived restrictions that this individual has gave them

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more opportunities than I have. And it's very humbling to see because all we're doing is seeing

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the other side. When you go in, it's like, okay, well, do you actually need to change that restriction

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level? And it's like, no, like I actually like the opportunities I have. And this is the form it

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comes in. And it's really humbling because even for myself, like I get to sit there and say, oh,

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it's better to be a woman than me in the United States. But that's not true. I just haven't looked

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at the other side. So now I've had the opportunity to see the other sides and how these restrictions

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actually serve us and how they help people and how they help people to grow and how some of the

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freedoms I have can also be quite restricted. Like everything has both sides. So when we're

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diving in and looking at these different dynamics, like we just want to see no matter what we're

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experiencing has both sides. If something is too high on a pedestal, I'm going to label it as right,

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I'll probably be self righteous in that dynamic. And I'll think that I'm right and you're wrong,

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which by the way, you know, hang out with that person. That's usually by the way, when we get

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criticized and like, yeah, like we get criticized. And then I know now, like the reaction that we're

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going to get from people and I'm like, yeah, you're being self righteous, Carly, like you get off your

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little high horse. So that's the feedback that we get. And then there's also that dynamic where

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it's like, but we're also not self wrong, just where we're putting ourselves in a pit and saying,

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well, the way it's better. Because at the core of that, between the two, if we meet in the middle,

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we find you in the way and you in the self, you know, and it's pretty cool because when we get to

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go and express ourselves in a way that we don't feel like we're repressing or mimicking someone,

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like you feel very calm, very neutral, very grateful, we just feel natural, you know, and that's

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part of like why I love to help people. Like, let's get you on track, let's get you authentic,

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because I know in that state, you have less emotions, you're more objective, you can face more

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challenges, you're more adaptable to change because you're really focused on things that ground you.

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And the way to finding that inner self, that authentic self, what are the questions that

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people bring up all the time that kind of limits them to get into that place? Or is it?

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Yeah, should I do this? Am I supposed to do this? Am I supposed to do that? I don't know. It's your

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life. Stop asking someone else. It's your life. And I think this is the key too, is like when I work

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with someone, you're gonna ask me that question 100%. And you know, once people get to know me,

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they laugh because they're like, you're not going to tell me. And I'm like, no, I'm not,

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we're going to find out why you can't find the answer. Right. So if you're saying I should do

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this, I should do that, and you're asking all these people, should I do this or should I do that?

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You have some uncertainty in yourself. So you've lost the level of certainty in yourself. So my

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goal is to get you back that certainty within yourself. So that at the end of like a consultation,

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we figure out like, what is it that's making you uncertain? You know, we find it, we clear that

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uncertainty. And then I ask the question, what do you want to do? Not what you think you should do,

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what you want to do. And it's really important to check in with the language, right? Like this is

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something that I'm hyper focused on when I'm in digital patients, like it's this language. Because

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if I say, what do you want to do? And the client says, well, I think I should do this. I said,

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then we're not done yet, because you still have a shit in there. Until they said, you know what,

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I really, I want to do it this way. I can't wait to do it this way. I'd love to do it this way.

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This is the way I choose to do it. Then I know we got it. Then I know we got certainty. So anytime

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we hear should, supposed to, you've got to, need to, have to, must, right? That's not according to

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you. That's used to coordinating some outside authority, because you lost certainty in yourself.

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But when you have certainty, you say, I'd love to choose to desire to want to, right? And so that's

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quite inspiring as well. So it's really paying attention to that language, because we want to

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get you back to your certainty, because you truly know you the best, right? Like, and I work with

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a lot of business owners as well, because I do a lot of business strategy stuff, business, business

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stuff. And it's the same in the business, like, you know your business. I'm not going to know your

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business is going to do it. Up to me, it's awesome quality questions to get you the certainty, holding

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answers out with you. And that we just, you know, you're hungry down and you keep going until you

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get that certainty. Because those steps where you move forward into something that you would love

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to do, you're like I said, you're going to be the most productive. You're going to be the most resilient.

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You're going to be the most adaptable to change. You're going to be the most objective. So my main

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focus is like, let's get you that certainty. Because if I send you out in a world working on

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your shoulds, and you know what's going to happen, you're going to procrastinate, you're going to

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hesitate, you're going to get frustrated with yourself. And you're going to judge yourself

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because you're not taking action on something, which is a should. So if you want to do that,

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if you want to take action, you should do it. Yeah, I have little nephews and everything. And

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they always have, they have that should word, but I always say, should doesn't exist. And then I have

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them have a different kind of language so that they can start to learn as a young young people

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that, you know, you can be definite in what your next step is and bring, like you said,

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certainty to whatever the vision of your life is in finding the vision of your life and being

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authentic. How do you, how do you define authenticity? Yeah, just being yourself, like

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pursuing that path that's most inspiring to you. So it's, and I love this, it's a, it's a DJ

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Palmer, by the way, he's a father of car practice, but he says it, take no credit, take no blame,

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just keep focused on your chief name. I absolutely love that because take no credit means it's not

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about being proud, right? It's not about being proud and puffing yourself up and all this external

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validation. Take no blame. It's not about being shamed. It's not about putting yourself down,

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right? Just keep focused on your chief name. That's the tello, that's our end in mind. Right?

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That's the thing that's most inspiring and important to us. And so it's really about

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discovering what that is to you, which is not hard. This is not hard. Your life demonstrates

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what's most important to you based on just some of the things I shared, you could extrapolate and

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pull together these commonalities of what it's most important to me, you know, and you could see

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like, I've already kind of shared like what my day looks like. And so if every day I'm focused on

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these things, that demonstrates that it has meaning to me. And it's cool because if you look at every

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day, what are you focused on? What can I rely on you for? You know, do no matter what, even if it's

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a hard day, you're going to start to write these things down and look at how your day pans out.

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And it's like, wow, like things are starting to repeat. Things are actually showing me that

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there's a real repetitive nature here. And that's your meaning. That's your purpose. Also, it's

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like the things that we invest finances in, right? Like we could say we can't afford things, but I

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have a good laugh and clients about this, because I'm like, oh, you can't afford that. I'm like,

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but you just told me you bought this. And I was like, so can you not afford it? Or is it that you

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didn't want to purchase that? And you'd rather invest in this because it's more meaningful. So

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it's really cool because you can pay attention, you can afford a lot more than you think, but you

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choose to invest in things that are most meaningful to you. And you'll go the extra mile and you'll

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stretch financially for those particular things, right? And so that's also an interesting dynamic

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as well. We also love to talk about these things, right? The things that we're most inspired to talk

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about, like you'll become a complete introvert in a conversation and dynamic where people are not

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talking about things that inspire you. But you all of a sudden become an extrovert. I had a good laugh,

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one of my clients, she's going to start podcasting, right? She's going to start hosting. And she's

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like, how am I going to do it? What am I going to talk about? She's like, I've never done this before.

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I don't know if I'm a sneaker. And I'm like, girl, I was like, you talk about things that are

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inspiring on this. And I laugh because I'm like, you, you're basically a podcaster sometimes on

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calls. And as soon as she gets like a hit of what's inspiring, that girl just like flows and goes.

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And I can get two to three minutes of her at this top energy level because it energizes her so much

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she talk about it. And if I was talking about something that wasn't inspiring her, she'd go

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back to introvert. Right. And it's like, that's it. Have a podcast on those topics and you're

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going to go around. And she started and she's going to go. She's a natural. And we're all natural

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if we're speaking about things that are inspiring to us, right? If I start talking about something

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strong, I don't like the questions that I'm on the board. I'm not like special or unique. I'm just

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focused and I only apply to podcasts that have topics and subjects that I'm inspired by. Right.

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Like, that's it. Yeah. If I do anything else, I'm screwed, guys. I get all dressed up.

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But there are people in my life, like I have certain family members that genuinely perceive me

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as highly introverted. Because when I go to some of these events, they're just not discussing

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topics and things that inspire me. So we actually like go into the shell. Whereas most of my friends,

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you know, because it's just they're all like in the similar industry, they're like,

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Carly can't shut up. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. I must have that way too.

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I don't know the word in between extrovert and introvert. There's, I don't know,

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ambivert or something like that. Yeah. Okay. I find myself, I'm definitely extroverted.

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But if I'm somewhere and the topic is just not interesting, just like mom's the word.

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So I'm like blackout and it's like, what'd you say? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a good listener.

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Yeah. We're just kind of talking about purpose. Like how do you identify that connecting

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to someone's purpose is like a key to fulfilling their fulfillment? Yeah, well, just look at your

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life, man, your life demonstrates it. So all those things that it sort of just talked about that you

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can look at to see what's meaningful to you. Like when you're involved in something meaningful,

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right? And I can give an example, kids are a great example, because kids bring a lot of

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meanings to people's lives, right? So like a lot of people, they'll talk to me about their kids and

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very specific experiences they've had with their kids and you see them light up, right? You see them

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light up and you see their energy shift and change because they had such a profound experience, right?

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And so it's like, that's why I mean, you beautiful kids, right? Like to develop in

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brain and it's so challenging, man, like let's not even pretend that there's not insane challenges

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that come with raising little humans, right? It's insane. But because it's so inspiring,

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there's like this drive and this desire to continue and not just continue, but do it at like a high

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level, right? And so that shows me that kids are like a top priority and I use kids, but for those

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of you who are listening who are like, I don't feel that way about my kids, no judgment. That just

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means that kids aren't your top priority, but probably your spouses. So you're going to delegate

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to them and you might be focused on business to make it all good to you. It's no stress. That's the

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protection of relationships. It's not a good thing or bad thing. So it's really paying attention

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to that because it's like those things and that is I love business rather like I love business. So

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it's like for me, it's like when something comes in business, it's like, okay, like this is hard,

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but I'll get over it. And it's like, what are the things that I can do next, even if it's a hard

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thing? And how do I like excel at this to like a greatest degree, right? And it's like, that's what

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I want to do. That's what I want to focus on and not energize. That gives me energy. And so if I'm

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focused on something that every day energizes you, that every day makes you feel inspired, that every

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day is a challenge I want to overcome. Wouldn't it be natural to assume that we're going to feel

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different? But if I'm focused on something every day that it's frustrating to me and it drains my

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energy and I feel burnt out and I don't actually want to overcome the challenge, but I just have to

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because it's like the life I had set up for myself, like that is not going to make me feel

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I'm telling the folks I'm going to feel heavy. I'm going to feel potentially like upset or

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depressed or whatever, like about my life, I'm going to wake up dreading the day instead of waking up,

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looking forward to my day, no matter what I'm facing. And that's why it's like,

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no matter what I'm doing with someone, no matter what we're working on, one of the underlying

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factors is like at the end of a package, I want to get you focused on what that is. And I want to

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make sure that every day you're incorporating it because I know if I don't see you again for five

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years or something, because sometimes you know people just like to work on things and there's

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like crazy urgencies, you're going to feel better, you're going to feel better every day. And I want

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you to feel better every day and I want you to be more productive and I want you to feel like

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more alive and fulfilled, right? And so it's, it's massively important. So it's funny, like no

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matter what you work on with me, that's going to get in there. Whether you like it or not,

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but you'll leave me later. Yeah. No, I was listening as I'm listening to what you're saying,

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that that just, just all of this feels like fulfillment. Yeah. It just feels like fulfillment.

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And I know in that, you know, you trying to find your purpose and trying to be inspired,

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what's the difference between inspiration and motivation? Yeah. Okay. So inspiration comes

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from within, right? So if I'm inspired to do something, right, I'll just do it no matter

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what, I'll do it naturally. But if I'm not inspired to do something, it will take an

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outside motivational force to help me get it done. This, and there's nothing wrong with that. That

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just means it's not as much of a top priority. And so this is the difference between like,

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I guess just like coaching in a sense of coaching to get you into inspiration and coaching as a

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motivator. So if I'm only motivating you, and I'm only connecting with things that I need to like

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get on the call, be your accountability partner, I'm not an accountability. If you're not holding

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yourself accountable outside, we're not focused on the right stuff. That's it. Right? Because once

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I'm gone, you can't pay me what you pay me every day, all day to hold you accountable. Like, no.

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So it's like, if you were an accountable in between, it's no good or bad. It's like, let's reflect on

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that and see what you liked, what you did it like. And let's get you focused on something that I don't

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have to hold you accountable to do. That's inspiration. I don't have to hold you accountable.

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Motivation, I have to hold you accountable. Right? And that's a huge difference. And it's

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paralyzing and it's crippling. Right? It's definitely paralyzing and crippling. So if I'm

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only focused on those things, once I'm gone, you all of a sudden become like hopeless and

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helpless. And I'm like, I don't want that. So it's like, okay, what can we find that you're

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inspired from within to do that in between my sessions with you, I see that you're taking

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action moving forward, no, if you're going to do this, you know, you're going to do not just one

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thing, but many things. And it's like, that's inspiration. Right? So there's no motivation

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needed. No outside forces needed to get you there. And sometimes this isn't to say like, we can't

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have the outside forces, by the way, because I take a boxing class and I love it. I love it.

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So much. Will I sit at home and just practice boxing on my own? I won't. I am not going to,

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right? But I do love the dynamic of going and learning from this individual, but I'm not

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trying to be a boxer. If I was trying to be a boxer, like if I'm my own client, and I came and I

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said, Hey, Carly, I want to be a boxer. I don't practice at home, but I take a boxing class a

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couple of times a week. And I definitely want to be a boxer. I'd be like, not really. Because I

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know that what it would take for me to actually be a boxer would be daily practice and intention

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and investing in that. And so it's not to say that we can't have these outside motivational

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forces, but you want to drop a fantasy just in case you're dedicating your life to something

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that you don't show evidence, you don't have the internal inspiration to pursue.

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Right. And so that's the difference. Like we could definitely have fun with it. But like,

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if it's something I'm dedicating my life to, I want to make sure that every day I wake up

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to do it no matter what, right? That if I don't have that outside motivation, I'm going to do it

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anyways. And then we just kind of like Evan Pholm play with life and like those smaller areas that

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it's like, yeah, I like boxing, but I'm definitely not dedicated to it. So I go to a class.

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There you go. Do you think that people have a fantasy about

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things, certain things that they put in their future? And then that and that comes from what?

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Yeah, this is a great question, right? Because there's, and I really want to dive a little deeper.

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We're going to extrapolate what a fantasy is because you could, you could have a fantasy,

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like I can have a fantasy in my business, but I love business so much that it's just one part

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of the business, right? Or you could have a fantasy on the whole business. So if I have a fantasy,

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let's say of entrepreneurship, let's say my fantasy is entrepreneurship, the way that I'll

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know that it's a fantasy is my life won't demonstrate that I'm moving into being an entrepreneur.

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I may talk about it. I may like the idea of it, but I'm actually taking the actions to do it.

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No. And so if I don't see actions there, then I know that that's not existing. That's not true.

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I had an individual who was, you know, working with and it was, they were really focused on

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being an actress, right? And it was interesting because they're like, that's my dream. That's

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my dream. And when I started asking questions, I was like, okay, well, let's look at this. Like,

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what are you doing right now to become an actress? Well, nothing else. So that's why I want to work

368
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:35,120
with you. And I was like, okay, so when was the last time you invested in it? 10 years ago. And I

369
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:40,720
said, so between 10 years ago and now, have you done anything? And they go, no, I just watch a

370
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:46,640
lot of movies and I think about it. You do not want to be an actress. Like you live in LA, like

371
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:51,600
you live in LA, like, come on, like there's opportunities left and right to get rejected. So

372
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:56,960
that demonstrates to me that this person has a fantasy and an unrealistic expectation on themselves

373
00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:01,760
to be an actress. But then it was like, what are you actually focused on every day? Like, what

374
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:06,240
do you, what are you not hesitating on? What are you not procrastinating on? And we started to

375
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:11,520
get all the details. It was their relationships and their business. And so when we cleared the

376
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:17,120
fantasy of being an actress, they stopped trying to be an actress, just loved watching movies and

377
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:22,400
enjoyed it, and then really got to stop beating themselves up and focusing on relationships

378
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:27,920
and business. That was the top priority. How would extrapolates where it might not be like the whole

379
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:32,720
thing is a fantasy and just a part of it, right? Because I had an individual who I was working

380
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:38,720
with, who was like, I'm stuck in my business, I'm stagnant in my business, and I should should

381
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:42,480
be doing all this stuff in social media, and I'm not doing it. I should be doing like

382
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:49,520
webinars and all these things, right? Now, when I looked at their life, they were every day focused

383
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:55,280
on their business, but they weren't able to push forward in the social media and marketing. So

384
00:33:55,280 --> 00:34:00,160
this is where I can see that the business is not a fantasy because there's action taken daily

385
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:05,280
towards it, but the social media is the fantasy, right? And so this is the key. It's like, it's

386
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:10,560
not that the whole thing's a fantasy. It's finding the parts that you're not doing on a daily basis,

387
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,520
finding the little things that you're like, I need to do this, I should do this, but you're not

388
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:17,680
invested in, and there's some sort of fantasy around there. In this particular case, when we

389
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:22,640
cleared like the fantasy around social media, we uncovered this, this person does not like social

390
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:28,400
media, like, but they're a ninja at speaking, and they love it live. And so it was like, okay,

391
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:32,240
would you rather do social media now? I just want to go put together these live workshops and speak

392
00:34:32,240 --> 00:34:37,040
in front of groups. And she's like live. And I was like, I was like, yeah, because it was just

393
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:42,240
this perception and subordination that I have to do social media when there's a whole world out there

394
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:46,160
that doesn't give a crap about social media, not going to sign up with you. And she's already

395
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:50,880
demonstrating she gets a significant quantity of clients from in person. So that was the fantasy

396
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:56,560
of just a component. And so that's the cool thing to pay attention to it's like, look at the fantasy.

397
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:02,080
What is your life actually demonstrating? It's a fantasy. And it's not actually going to a

398
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:07,200
occur if it's not important to you, right? And sometimes we work on it, like with that one case

399
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,800
where it's like we worked on it and she actually didn't want to do social media. So she wound

400
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:14,240
up doing it. So she just dropped it, you know, the individual who thought they wanted to be an

401
00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:20,320
actress just dropped it, you know, and just moved on. And sometimes this is like the only other thing

402
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,920
sometimes, especially if you're an entrepreneur and you're starting up, there are things that we

403
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:30,080
can't walk away from. Like especially sales, we'll say sales. So you're not doing sales,

404
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:37,520
we're not doing it like good luck there. So it is a yeah, technically right now,

405
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:43,200
it's not meaningful for you. So it's a fantasy. It's a fantasy to think you're going to be the

406
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:47,840
best salesperson, right? And there's a couple options here. If you can't drop something,

407
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:52,000
because this is really important, once you figure out this is a fantasy, I'm not going to do it.

408
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:58,160
If you can't drop it and you can't walk away from it, right, then it's time to think who can I

409
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:04,640
delegate it to. Delegation is a huge component and find the person who loves that dynamic that you

410
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:09,920
hate. So there's the delegation component there. And then there's also the dynamic of, you know,

411
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:15,200
if you can't afford to delegate, I call it like we link it, right? We link it to what's important

412
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:18,960
to you. So if I love personal development, and I had to do this with sales, by the way,

413
00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:24,160
I love personal development growth, I understand that that's important to me. I was like, how

414
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:29,040
did it help my personal development to do sales? And I just kept answering that question over and

415
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:33,600
over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, hundreds of times,

416
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:36,640
until I got a tear of inspiration. And I was like, I can't wait to do this.

417
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:43,040
Yeah, because I couldn't drop it in the beginning. In the beginning, I couldn't delegate it. And now

418
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:48,320
I actually don't want to delegate it. I actually, I love it so much. And I get so much value out

419
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:55,520
of it. I know eventually, like, I mean, I have to, listen to me, I have to, I don't want to,

420
00:36:55,520 --> 00:37:00,240
I love it so much, because I got so many links to it that now it's filling, right? But in the

421
00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:04,480
beginning, I hated it. So it's like, yeah, that's another reflection to have as well.

422
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:12,240
So you've, that's, well, I would just say this, like in my business, I know that it's important

423
00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:19,120
for social, well, not necessarily social media, but marketing. And it came to a point where like,

424
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:25,440
I just, I just couldn't do it. And so I had to delegate it. I had to, you know, get someone

425
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:30,320
from the outside to start to do the marketing. And I love the fact that somebody else is doing it.

426
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:35,600
That means I can focus on the more artistic and, you know, creative things that I love to do with

427
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:42,320
my business, which is, you know, which inspires me. So that's why I wake up in the morning at 530

428
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:47,520
or whatever and do my thing, you know, personal and, you know, physical, and then I get to get to

429
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:55,120
business. But I'm inspired every day because I don't, I relinquish all the stuff that I had a

430
00:37:55,120 --> 00:38:01,440
fantasy about, you know, and it was, I was faking myself out. Like, I guess I'm doing marketing

431
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:06,320
by doing a little bit of something, a little bit of something and getting nor return. So I was like,

432
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:14,160
hey, I'm just faking myself out. And I had that realization. And finally passed it on. So I'm,

433
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:18,480
yeah, it's, it's a, it's a pleasure not to have it, especially when I don't want it.

434
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:22,960
It's a game changer too. Because it's like, now every day you wake up and you're like, oh,

435
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,640
I have to do marketing and you're like, nope, I'm just going to have someone else do that. And I

436
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:34,640
just get to focus on what I love. Exactly. And that brings me to my next point. You know,

437
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:42,000
individuals can get stuck or stagnant. Stuck is in the world of, you know, movement. That's what

438
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:46,880
it is. I know stuck is not a real thing for human beings, but if you can want to can feel stagnant.

439
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:54,000
Is there like a deeper issue behind why people feel stagnant? Or what is, yeah.

440
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,840
So you're stuck because you're not moving forward and you're not moving forward because you're

441
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:01,760
confused and you're confused because you've compared yourself to all this stuff and all

442
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:05,280
these people and all this crap out there. And they're all these shoulds in your head.

443
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:09,360
And so when we're stuck and we're sitting there and like, should I do this? Should I do that?

444
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:12,720
Should I do this? Should I do that? Like, that's not you. That's not what you want.

445
00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:17,040
Like when you are certain on what you want, what do you do? You just want to move forward and

446
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:21,680
you want to take action on it. It's important to you. Right. And so it's like the top thing is

447
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:25,680
like, when someone's really stuck, I find out like, who are you comparing yourself to? What do

448
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:29,440
you think your life should be like supposed to be like? You know, I was just working with an individual

449
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:36,000
excuse me, who was just stuck and she was like, I don't know if I should be an entrepreneur or

450
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:40,960
if I should get a job. And it was crazy because when we started to see who they were comparing

451
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:46,560
themselves to, it was family members, right? And they were comparing themselves to certain family

452
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:52,560
members who had these certain expectations on them. But the truth is, and we got, this is the

453
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:57,200
moment, we started to talk about like past jobs and stuff. And then they said they were like,

454
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:02,320
this is why this one was wildly inspiring. And they're like, man, if I could do that again,

455
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:06,800
that would just wildly inspiring. And then they sort of disconnected. And they're like, I think

456
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:10,560
I should do the entrepreneurship though. And I said, stop. I was like, stop right there. I was

457
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:15,760
like, you just got lit up. Your whole energy shifted like the whole body like lifted up.

458
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:21,920
Your breath was lighter, like everything. And all I heard was wildly inspiring. I was like,

459
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:26,880
so why do you think you should be an entrepreneur? You know, and then it kind of was a comparison

460
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:32,560
to some friends of theirs that had already like had entrepreneurship business and really launched.

461
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:37,200
So when we cleared the comparisons, funny enough, like now they're out in the job market,

462
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:41,120
I think they're almost there. They're almost done. But now they're looking for that job that's

463
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:46,080
wildly inspiring. Right. And it's like, that's what they really wanted. And it was the core of

464
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,160
what they wanted. But there were so many shuds in their head because there was comparisons to family,

465
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,400
disappointing dad, disappointing mom, disappointing brother and sister, you know,

466
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:59,120
disappointing friends where the truth is, is like, while you're so worried about disappointing

467
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:03,840
everyone else, you disappointed yourself. And now you're stuck in stagnant, not moving

468
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:10,960
to something that they said is wildly inspiring. So when you're stuck, I like to figure out who

469
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:15,200
you're comparing yourself, where the shits coming from, where the half views, let's clear the crap

470
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,840
out of those and let's figure out like, what's that inspiring thing for you? And then you move

471
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,120
forward and it's like, yeah, that's what I want. That's what I want to do.

472
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:31,520
Yeah. There's so many questions I have in my head right now. I'm trying to figure out, well,

473
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:40,240
let's talk about, since like the people that you've worked with, there was, they were in one place,

474
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:47,760
they saw this light, and there was a transformation. What are some signs that people are really ready

475
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:55,040
to transform the life from that language of should, should, should to I am inspired by and

476
00:41:55,840 --> 00:42:01,040
the beingness and doing this of who they are. Yeah, I mean, there's a willingness to work on it,

477
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:06,000
like they're just the reality is, is you just want to work on it, right? You want to work on it.

478
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:09,680
You want to work on it, you want to move through it, you understand you're in a pattern and

479
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:14,720
kind of reaching out is part of the help. And if I'm in a session with someone and they want to

480
00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:20,160
work on it, some questions, they just want to get it done, you know, because sometimes it's hard.

481
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:25,360
If someone doesn't want to work on it, I don't see this as like a good or bad thing,

482
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:30,080
but I like to check in and find out why, right? So they might just be like, I don't want to do that.

483
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:35,840
And it's like, funny enough, this is why we're here. And also just ask the question, can we figure

484
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:42,560
out why? Because you might be getting something that you haven't quite yet seen. And then when we

485
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:50,400
start to see like the strategy behind potentially being stuck, sometimes you're not actually stuck.

486
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:57,360
Sometimes there's a pause there that serves a purpose. And then once we find why that purpose

487
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:03,440
is served, we look and we say, okay, how long is it necessary to be there? Because this is the first

488
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:08,400
step before the next step. And then they give me a timeframe. And I'm like, great. I'm like, okay.

489
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:12,400
So I'm like, basically, sometimes it's only like two weeks or something. And I'm like, okay, cool.

490
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:16,000
You want to reconnect on this one in two weeks and see how it goes. And they're like, yeah. And I'm

491
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:19,360
like, great, what do you want to work on today then? What's the top priority? Because that's not the

492
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:23,920
top priority. Because you have two more weeks of doing what you're doing before you get to the next step.

493
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:29,200
We have all these judges in our head of what life is supposed to look like. Part of asking the

494
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:34,400
questions is finding out, and this is why I love human behavior. We are a purposeful human being.

495
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,800
Why are you stuck? There's also a reason why you're stuck. You're also getting some sort of benefit

496
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:44,320
out of it. And I want to know what that is. Yeah, because if there's a benefit that maybe is

497
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:49,120
challenging, like sometimes people just get over supported, you know, and they're just like, it's

498
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,880
scared to do things on their own, then it's like, great, you're over supported. And now we found out

499
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:57,280
you're scared to do things on your own. Let's build up that confidence and that self-worth to make

500
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:01,680
sure that you know you're capable of doing this without the support, you know, or sometimes,

501
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:05,600
like I said, it's like a time frame or a period. And it's like, great, what's the time frame that

502
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:10,800
this personal step you're in right now is necessary to go through before we go to the next step,

503
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:15,840
you know, and we get all that data in detail. So again, we really have a lot of judgments on

504
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:20,480
how this thing should be, not realizing that things are the way that they're meant to be. And

505
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:27,040
when we ask questions, we can use the situation as a tool to help us dive deeper into what's next,

506
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:31,520
you know, or just like, let the situation be. And instead of fighting it, you can get through

507
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:35,280
that particular situation more quickly, because now you know why it's there. And so you're like,

508
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:40,160
well, nothing in the white tier, I know how to use it, you know, so it's a really cool dynamic.

509
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:45,440
How does one get out, get out of the world of judgment of themselves?

510
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:51,520
Time, and you'll never ever fully get out of it. Don't judge yourself for being in judgment.

511
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:59,200
It's impossible to ever completely turn to judgment. So yeah, even it's funny, because like

512
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:04,240
even the word, like a lot of the gurus, they talk about enlightenment, like I'm like, you're not

513
00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:10,160
in like the whole meaning of the word is in life and life, you're in life. So if you're in light,

514
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:15,440
in your spirit, you don't exist, this body is physical matter, right? So you can't ever be in

515
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:21,840
life. And you're like, it's more about enjoying the human journey and like enjoying the experience

516
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:27,280
and loving these ebbs and clothes. So the reason why we can't ever transcend judgment, but we can

517
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:33,680
really work on it and hope ourselves accelerate on growth and move to like, I like to call higher

518
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:37,440
levels of judgment in a sense, right? And it's not really like a higher level, it's just that

519
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:42,800
you're moving forward in your inspired purpose. So your judgment starts to form. So for example,

520
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:46,640
podcasting, right? So it's like your first podcast, you're stressed out, you're nervous,

521
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:50,960
you're probably comparing yourself to a lot of people, right? And that's the particular judgment,

522
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:55,680
right? But then now you're podcasting for a lot longer, and you're probably comparing yourself

523
00:45:55,680 --> 00:46:00,800
to some top podcasters, right? Then one day you'll be at that top podcasting stage. Who are you

524
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:05,520
comparing yourself to then? I'm not sure. But we keep going through these different judgments,

525
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:10,880
right? So the first time I spoke, it was like in front of two people, right? And so when I first

526
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:14,720
spoke in front of two people, it felt just as stressful as when I first spoke in front of 50

527
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:19,840
people. And one day if I'm in a stadium with 10,000 people, you don't think I'm not going to have

528
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:25,280
some sort of judgment? Like that's the first time in front of that quantity of people. I don't have

529
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:30,800
any illusion of that. I can sit in front of the 50, the 100, 500 and feel comfortable, right? But if

530
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:37,120
I get in front of a 10,000 person group, my brain's like, whoa, can I do that? And immediately I judge

531
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:42,320
myself because now I've questioned my capability, right? That's normal. I haven't done it yet. And

532
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:47,120
I'll compare myself to all the people, which is funny, I think about all the speakers and stuff

533
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:50,960
that I've seen talking in front of groups that large. And the first person that came to me was

534
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:54,480
Brunet Brown, by the way. So there it is right there. And I'm just kind of giving you an example

535
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:58,560
of how our mind works is my immediate judgment and comparison with Brunet Brown can do it,

536
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:04,080
but I'm not sure I can. So that means I've compared myself to her. I've placed a judgment on myself,

537
00:47:04,720 --> 00:47:08,560
right? I've just placed a judgment on myself. And once I get to 10,000, if I ever want to

538
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:12,320
talk in front of a million, like what's next? And I was like, well, he does a million. I was like,

539
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:17,360
I think the poke does when he goes to speeches and stuff. And it's like, whoa, cool. And so it's

540
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:22,720
like, it's not that we're ever going to get rid of it. But if I work on this one, then I get to

541
00:47:22,720 --> 00:47:27,200
move to the next one and the next one and the faster that we get to learn how to move through

542
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:32,320
these judgments, the faster we get to extend to that next level, which is super cool. Cause life

543
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:39,760
is short. Life is really shorter than we think. And even if I think I want to live through a

544
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:47,120
certain age, I don't know what could happen. I could walk in the street and get hit by a car.

545
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:52,080
I don't know. So it's like, my thing is, it's like, let's just get on it. Let's get inspired.

546
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:57,600
Let's get fulfilled and let's do the best that we can with like what we have today. And so,

547
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:02,240
yeah, that's why it's worth really working on all these judgments so you can accelerate it and get

548
00:48:02,240 --> 00:48:09,360
more of those life experiences in the time that you have. Yeah. Yeah. With all this, well, first

549
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:14,720
I want to say that I guess when you go from level to level, the level of judgment does change.

550
00:48:14,720 --> 00:48:21,280
But like you said, it's, you know, it will be, it will be there and it's really, I guess,

551
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:28,720
accepting and acknowledge what they are, when they are. I was, I had a podcast before this and

552
00:48:28,720 --> 00:48:35,040
talking about comparison and what comparison myself to myself is okay. You know what I mean?

553
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:39,200
But comparison myself or someone compare themselves to someone else, you know,

554
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:46,960
it doesn't really work because, you know, it's like you, you, I'm in chapter one and I'm comparing

555
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:55,040
myself to someone's chapter 20, you know? Yes. And yes. That is, so I was working on that with

556
00:48:55,040 --> 00:49:00,320
someone recently because they were comparing themselves. They're a newer coach. They're

557
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:05,520
super brilliant, super brilliant. But they've only been like, like they've just been studying their

558
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:10,640
whole life and super brilliant like moment and they've been in the coaching business for five

559
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:15,440
years and they're comparing themselves to one of their mentors who's been in the business for like

560
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:21,200
55 years. And I'm like, this is not an apples to apples situation. Like I can definitely clear the

561
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:25,520
judgment. We're going to help you see the what you have in like what you see on the outside. I'm

562
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:30,080
going to help you see what you have on the inside. There's some real unrealistic dynamics here.

563
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:36,080
You are not going to have the business this individual has. I took them 55 years to get there

564
00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:42,560
and part of it was the, it's like the trial and error along the way, you know? And it's not to say

565
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:45,520
that you're not going to learn from this individual and they're going to help you with some of these

566
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:50,000
trials and errors to make it faster, right? And that's part of the benefits of having like coaches

567
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:55,280
and mentors and stuff, but simultaneously, like don't expect to have a 55 year old business in

568
00:49:55,280 --> 00:50:00,800
five years, like simultaneously. So that's why those comparisons can really paralyze us because

569
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:05,280
you're comparing yourself to these people who have spent their whole entire lives like doing this

570
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:10,640
thing that maybe you just started, you know? And so that's really important. But when we use like

571
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:16,160
the comparison as a tool, like it's like, oh, well, you know, like what's interesting is they have

572
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:20,080
this and they're doing this for 55 years. And then it's like, okay, well, they have all this and

573
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:24,240
they do all this stuff and they're doing workshops and they're traveling. And it's like, yeah, let's

574
00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:29,600
compare to that. And it's like, well, instead of saying, I don't have that so I'm a bad person or

575
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:36,320
I'm not good enough for all this stuff, it's like, how about do I want that? Would that be inspiring

576
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:44,400
to me? And then if it is, go look at what works for them, see if you like that dynamic and only

577
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:50,080
take the bits and pieces that work, right? Because if you try to mimic the whole thing, remember

578
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:55,680
that person created something in 55 years that really fits in Suitsa. But I bet there's little

579
00:50:55,680 --> 00:51:00,080
components that you're like, I love doing this and I love doing that, but I don't want to touch

580
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:06,000
that part of what they're doing. Exactly. And that's where you can sort of like pull out pieces

581
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:10,960
that are inspiring without paralyzing yourself. Right. And I love what you said too, because it's

582
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:15,760
like comparing yourself on your own journey. Right. So it's like last year, compared to where I was

583
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:20,320
last year, am I comfortable with the progress that I made for this year? And I'm like,

584
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:25,680
realistically for sure. And I look back and I'm like, there's certain things that I didn't achieve

585
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:32,480
in the timeframe that I wanted, but then I look and I'm like, that was also unrealistic. And I'm

586
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:36,080
now, it's like the more that you do this and the more that you look back and you say, did I achieve

587
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:40,640
what I wanted? Was it realistic to achieve it in that timeframe? Or now am I looking back?

588
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:45,120
Like it wasn't realistic. And some of them like it wasn't realistic. And then other things,

589
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:48,640
yeah, it wasn't realistic. And other things I'll look and I'll be like, Ooh, I actually didn't,

590
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:55,200
I didn't account for like this other thing that was more important. So this got, this got like

591
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:59,040
sidebarred. And I was like, am I upset about that? And I'm like, no, because I'm focused on the top

592
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:04,480
priority. And so when we go back again, it's not judging even yourself when you compare

593
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:09,040
like your progress, like you actually want to see if something got sidebarred and didn't move forward.

594
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:13,200
Why was it sidebarred? Right. And sometimes it's sidebarred because we just have like a fear

595
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:17,600
or something. I'm like, well, I didn't address that. And that slowed me down there. So I'll look

596
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:22,160
at that and I'll be like top priority, address that fear, work on that ASAP, because I can see

597
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:27,520
that that's slowing you down. So we want to go look and almost extrapolate our life. Like we're

598
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:31,600
looking at a business, like if you're a profit and loss, you don't look at a profit and loss and

599
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:39,120
say shame on you. Shame on you for not doing what I said you did. You're like, yeah, you look at

600
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:43,200
your profit and loss and you're like, oh, this didn't happen because of this. And this didn't happen

601
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:47,120
because of this. And I want you to look at yourself that way as well. And then when you look at that,

602
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:52,320
you're more objective. And then you know how to move forward. Yeah. It's the objective

603
00:52:53,200 --> 00:53:00,880
necessarily the motion and the feelings of it. For sure. Yeah. And in all that you were talking

604
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:10,240
about, just making a slight switch is when you're recognizing things and you're trying to live a

605
00:53:10,240 --> 00:53:18,080
life by your design. How do you define that? The values and the purpose dynamic. I want everyone

606
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:21,760
and listen to it again, listen to the part where I talked about how to identify what's meaningful

607
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:26,400
to you. Like how things kind of show up in your life, then all the repetitive feelings that you're

608
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:33,680
inspired to do. And then I want people to genuinely sit down and think, how can I do these things

609
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:38,480
every single freaking day and plan around it? You're already going to be naturally doing it,

610
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:43,920
but I want you to add the extra um, by planning around it, I want you to organize your schedule

611
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:48,160
around it. I want you to look at your job if you're working, does your job like align with

612
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:52,800
something like that? And if it doesn't, can you give yourself permission to find a career path

613
00:53:52,800 --> 00:53:58,000
that would fill your soul? Or there might even be, I've had this before too, people who have jobs

614
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:02,560
within a company where they're like, this one's not like feeding me and I'm kind of like, oh,

615
00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:07,360
I have to be here for when I do this particular component, I'm like, wow, I can't wait to wake

616
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:12,960
up and come to work. If you tell your bosses that, there might actually be a position that they can

617
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:19,120
put you in and they're like, yeah, you are more productive here. A great company and a great manager

618
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:24,720
will want to put you in a position to be more productive. And if you say, I want to be more

619
00:54:24,720 --> 00:54:30,480
productive, like that also is helpful. You know, if it's a business that you want to create, like,

620
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,480
what does that business look like? You know, if you want to spend more time with your kids,

621
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:37,840
like I had a client who want to spend more time with their kids, so they're coming up with a way

622
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:42,240
that they can create like a side job in a sense that would allow them to invest that time to

623
00:54:42,240 --> 00:54:46,960
travel with their kids. You know, it's all these different things that like, what's meaningful to

624
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:53,040
you? How do you create a life that you can actually do that? One of my mentors said one time,

625
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:58,000
that a question that he asked is like, how can I make money doing what I love? Right? And I,

626
00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:03,600
he just said, keep asking the question and I trusted him because quite frankly, I was like,

627
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:09,120
I love the question and I want that answer so bad. And everything that I love to do,

628
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:14,880
which sometimes costs a lot of money because transparently, I'm very into like one of my life

629
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:20,880
purposes, but it's restoring and maintaining natural beauty. I love it. That comes in houses,

630
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:25,760
architecture, like, like, I'll build, I'll definitely build a house. But like, if you see me buy a

631
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:31,600
house, I'm going to go for some mid-century modern thing and like restore it. It is expensive, by the

632
00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:37,440
way. It is expensive. And I love fashion. And I'm like, oh, it's just so inspiring. And I like

633
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:41,680
travel around the world no matter where I go, I find places to shop and the places where there's

634
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:46,720
usually nowhere to shop. I find it. And I'm like, look at those in the construction. I go crazy.

635
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:53,600
So I love it. And that question, he made me ask over and over again about that stuff. How do I make

636
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:57,920
money doing what I love? And so even when I'm shopping, I just ask that question, how do I make

637
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:01,760
money doing this? How do I make money doing this? How do I make money doing this? And eventually,

638
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:08,160
I started to come up with ideas. And I started to get insights. And now my long-term future goal

639
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:16,080
includes what is big money shopping. And I'm like, that I can make money like with architecture and

640
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:20,160
all this stuff and art. And I was like, and it all sort of came together in like this little

641
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:26,240
package. And I remember when it hit me, I went to my husband and I was like, I did not see this.

642
00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:32,560
But my life like demonstrated that I've been involved in this and this dynamic forever. And

643
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:38,960
now that's my long-term goal. And so just ask that question all day, every day, even if you don't get

644
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:43,840
an answer, because I promise you, like the more you ask the question, the more your brain starts

645
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:48,320
to focus on like, how do I find that answer? And then eventually it starts to link together.

646
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:52,080
And when it started to link together, I was like, thank you, I can't wait to make a money shopping.

647
00:56:54,320 --> 00:57:00,880
I was like, that is so true for me. That's beautiful. Yeah, so great question.

648
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:10,640
And so anyone that's watching or listening, which medium, if they're at step zero, level zero,

649
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:17,600
and they hear the question, how do I live my life by design? It's right. Start by asking the questions.

650
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:25,600
I guess that inspires them. Yeah, the thing is, is like, think about it this way, if every day you

651
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:31,280
ask yourself, what's wrong with me? What do you eventually convince yourself that there's something

652
00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:37,600
wrong with you? For sure. But if every day you're like, I wonder why I'm stuck, what could it be

653
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:42,640
that's keeping me stuck? And every day you ask that instead, what do you think would happen?

654
00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:47,600
You would start to answer that question. And you would start to think, well, I'm not just stuck

655
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:51,440
because there's something wrong with me, like there must be something going on. And then the

656
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:56,640
deep dive naturally comes in and you attract people and experiences to start to answer that question.

657
00:57:56,640 --> 00:58:03,200
And you're paying attention to it. Because now the mantra is a quality question. It's like when

658
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:08,000
people say you're doing affirmations, right? Like the take no credit, take no blame, just keep

659
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:11,600
focused on your chafing. That's definitely one of my affirmations. I usually think about it.

660
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:20,400
Love it, by the way. And funny enough, just another side note, whenever we, I tried to use it one

661
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:26,560
time as a tool when I, I'm very scared of heights and very afraid of heights. And we went on like

662
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:30,320
this adventure that just had train bridges everywhere and I was on a bike and there's just

663
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:36,560
thousands of feet under me. I just kept saying that over and over again. And it cleared my anxiety,

664
00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:40,640
right? Because that was the affirmation, not pride, not shame. It's not about fear. It's just

665
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:44,080
about focus on your chiefing. And my chiefing was I really wanted to overcome this and I really

666
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:48,080
wanted to do this trail. Right? So it's really cool. So it's like, find those, when we have those

667
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:52,640
affirmations, we know that's the power of the affirmation. You repeat it over and over again,

668
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:56,960
and that was the result that I got. Right? And so that's why the affirmations are so important.

669
00:58:56,960 --> 00:59:01,760
So now instead of saying an affirmation, what's wrong with me? I'm a ground zero. I can't do this.

670
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:06,640
Like what is the affirmation that could be a quality question that's getting your brain to

671
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:12,000
see things differently? And so all of a sudden, now every time I do something I love, my brain

672
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:18,720
naturally is hooked on and programmed to think, how can I create an inspiring income doing this?

673
00:59:18,720 --> 00:59:24,480
Right? Because I've asked it so many times over and over again. And now I'm programmed to think.

674
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:29,040
And this is me reprogramming myself. Instead of like, when something's wrong, what's wrong with me,

675
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:33,520
even if I get like a hit of like, what's wrong with me? I'll immediately say there's nothing wrong

676
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:40,240
with me. You just listened to like something, Carly, because I am reprogramming my brain to

677
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:46,080
understand a truth. Right? And because of that, I'm paying attention to that to a greater degree.

678
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:51,680
So change the quality of your questions, get creative with your questions. Even in those

679
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:56,640
moments, ask yourself how you can reframe those questions. So you could retrain your brain to

680
00:59:56,640 --> 01:00:02,560
see yourself and things differently. Change the questions. Change the quality of the question.

681
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:12,240
Yeah. Love that. Wow. I love that. In your journey, what makes what has made you most happy?

682
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:20,160
Just doing the things that I love all the time. Like, yeah, and really making sure that I incorporate

683
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:26,560
that. Yeah. And it's not even happy. It's actually just fulfilled. And like guys, I like I'm not like,

684
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:31,760
when I say it's important, I mean, it's important because the clothing thing can be really

685
01:00:31,760 --> 01:00:37,360
discounted very quickly. Like societally, like that could be judged very efficiently,

686
01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:43,760
effectively. I've judged it in myself. But like I bought something on vintage recently.

687
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:50,480
And I got it in and I put it on and I actually like I was so inspired by the garment and the

688
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:55,680
construction and the material. And it was just beautiful. And I put it on and I actually,

689
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:58,880
I call every time I buy something a home, my husband and me gets a fashion show.

690
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:05,760
And I cry tears of infusion. Like I'm so inspired by it, right? And so I could sit there and say,

691
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:11,120
I shouldn't do this because it's vain or it's this or that. But it's not to me. It's a,

692
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:16,480
like it's actually fulfilling and inspiring. So with every day, I'm focused on creating

693
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:22,080
opportunities. Like even with shopping, like obviously, like I value my finances, so I'm

694
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:27,840
cautious. But at the same, right, like I value finances. So I can't just like go crazy. But I

695
01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:34,400
don't just stop it. When I tried to just stop it, I actually had a harder time saving and

696
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:39,600
investing money because I was like, well, what am I saving it for? Like I know that it's great for

697
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:44,320
me long term, but like now I can't have things that are inspiring. And when I started to just,

698
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:49,680
like just moderate it in a sense, like it really opened it up and I save and invest more and I

699
01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:56,000
make more because I'm simultaneously building my long term future while not robbing myself of

700
01:01:56,000 --> 01:02:00,080
things that are truly inspiring. So it's really important to get through those judgments. I love

701
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:06,320
to share the fashion one because it's so easy for us to judge and just pass off as like crap, right?

702
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:10,400
So whatever you're thinking in your mind that's fulfilling and inspiring that maybe you pass

703
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:17,040
off as crap, stop, just stop and figure out a way to incorporate it every day in a way that's

704
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:20,400
inspiring, which sometimes if I'm not like, you know, if I can't shop and I can't afford it,

705
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:24,880
sometimes I just look at pictures of runway or I have fashion magazines and stuff. Like I find a

706
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:29,920
way to connect with it in ways that are important to me and in spite. You know, so that's really

707
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:35,360
important. Find the ways, focus on what you love, get the things that fulfill you. And if you're

708
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:42,080
judging that, do it anyways and work through those judgments along the way. I love that. Yeah.

709
01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:49,600
Carly, what legacy do you hope to leave through your work and your life's purpose?

710
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:57,520
Yeah, I would love to create like these experiences, the concrete experiences that help people transform

711
01:02:58,080 --> 01:03:03,360
their lives, their minds, really connect them with their purpose and what's inspiring to them.

712
01:03:03,360 --> 01:03:07,120
You know, part of it through coaching, like there's some other inspiring stuff that I'd

713
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:11,760
love to create. Like I'd love to create hotels one day. Like to me, that's a, you travel, you explore,

714
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:16,640
you get out of your headspace and you see all these different things that that light up your mind

715
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:24,640
and make you like remember. Like you've forgotten all the things that you've done. You want to

716
01:03:24,640 --> 01:03:30,880
implement things. I want to create experiences that allow people to do that. Yeah. That's beautiful.

717
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:36,000
Carly, your energies, I've never used this word, but I'm going to use it, vivacious.

718
01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:44,800
It's my biggest type of energy that you have. To share your mind, your knowledge, your experiences in

719
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:52,560
this hour or so, it's really appreciated. And I know that anybody that connects with you will

720
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:59,360
get connected to themselves authentically and find whatever that next thing is for them.

721
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:06,720
And how does one get in touch with you and be coached about you? Yeah. So head on over to my

722
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:13,520
website, which is the westcoastgrowthadvisors.com. Yeah. And you can reach out to me directly there.

723
01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:19,040
That's a great start. Yeah. And we'll have your information in our right up and everything. And

724
01:04:20,720 --> 01:04:26,080
I could, like you're another person, I could just have a conversation with like for another hour.

725
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:33,360
But I know time is time is time. And so I do appreciate you being on the Thrivebook Journey

726
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:38,320
podcast. Thank you very much. And for all the listeners and watchers, you know, what we say

727
01:04:38,320 --> 01:04:47,200
about this time is let's make thriving our new normal. Carly, thank you so much for being on the show.

728
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:57,760
Appreciate you.