I give them a cure with a fresh new album. Yo,
welcome back everybody. This is your host, Neogentrics.
And this is Food for Thought, thoughts if it
were you. It's another typical day, a brand new
Tuesday, if you will, at 3 in the morning as
I'm recording this. We've been covering a lot
of different topics, issues, and such over the
last couple of years. And like I did promise,
I said I was going to come back with a vengeance
and record even more and give you guys the content
that you so rightly deserve. and or need there's
a lot of topics i'm going to cover but we're
going to keep going through all the mediocre
and major type skills that while everyone nowadays
thinks is common sense most of it isn't and a
lot of people don't know about it or they need
to know about it so sit back relax today's topic
is mediation skills last time we covered this
in a little bit of detail regarding other topics
but today we're going to focus a little bit more
on it as it is currently relevant. Now as you
already know mediation is the involvement of
an impartial third party to support and help
those involved in a conflict as well as find
some type of resolution to whatever the said
problem is. The key difference here being that
between negotiation and mediation there's a little
bit of negotiation as I've mentioned before.
The parties involved have to work out their own
agreement. And the whole point of a mediator
is so that they don't have to submit to one side
or the other. They're a neutral third party.
Okay. And they came to basically help out with
the agreement. That's what a mediator is. Okay.
Mediation, whether it's formal or informal, as
I mentioned before, can also very often more
than not solve conflicts that have gone awry.
And help begin the first stage of negotiation.
So we're going to focus in on that. And then
we're going to zone in next time on peer negotiation.
So today we're going to, I'm sorry, peer mediation,
which is a little bit different. But we're going
to just focus on the main topic today of just
mediation skills. All right. With that being
said. I want to go ahead and point out the characteristics
of mediation, okay? The key aspect of mediation
is that the mediator does not, and I repeat,
does not sort things out, okay? He also doesn't
make any decisions for the parties involved whatsoever,
okay? His or her or it, we, she, him or they,
whatever you identify as nowadays, helps both
the parties involved work together, okay? To
develop their own agreement, their own solution,
okay? So that there's no back and forth, he said,
she said something, okay? What this involves
is voluntary participation, face -to -face discussions
between both the parties in the conflict. That
being said, the mediator has to be biased, I'm
sorry, unbiased. without any decision -making
power, who has no power whatsoever to help those
involved, but whose main point is to help them
understand each other's points so that they can
come to an agreement. If your mediator is biased,
it's time to find another one. He has to be unbiased.
He can't pick one side or the other. Also, in
mediation, Equal opportunity for both participants
to speak and explain their perspective of the
current problem is required. All the relevant
information, no matter how big or small, must
be shared in order for this to work. It's basically
a shared agreement between both parties once
that mutual agreement has come to fruition. Although
there are many trained mediators to work to help
resolve conflicts, anyone, And I mean anyone
can act as a mediator, whether in a disagreement
between colleagues or to bring two quarreling
friends or neighbors together to solve whatever
problem they have. Okay? So, that's the basic
gist of it. Let's go ahead and dive into the
mediation process. Alright, let's go ahead and
dive into the mediation process, okay? Although
every conflict and every mediation process will
be slightly different, there are a number of
steps which you will need to consider in every
case and points to take into account when setting
up to help mediate between two different parties.
The first thing being preparation. You will need
to lay out the ground rules for the mediation
process first. There is a reason for this. Otherwise,
this whole thing will be a giant mess of he says,
she said, and everyone talking over each other
and trying to cut each other off just when they
don't like or want to hear what the other person
has to say, even if what the other person has
to say is important or relevant to the current
issue at hand, or maybe the reason why the whole
discussion is happening in the first place. Usually,
some basic rules of communication and confidentiality
will be essential, but there may also be others
that are pertinent to the situation in hand.
For example, you may want to set out there that
only one person talks at a time. Like I mentioned
earlier, it could cause a lot of issues. The
others have to listen in silence. And that there
is to be no verbal abuse at any time. At all.
If that happens, the whole thing stops until
everyone calms down again, first off. And that
whatever happens remains confidential unless
both parties agree to speak about what it said
in that room outside of the mediation room. You
may also wish to set out the mediator's role.
First off, that you are to be impartial. You
are to help the parties reach their solution,
not solve their problem. Also, to protect the
parties from each other, if necessary, should
something go wrong, as mentioned earlier. You
should also consider whether you should have
separate meetings with each party to develop
a better understanding of the issues before mediating
a joint meeting between them. I would actually
recommend this because... you can't mediate between
both parties if you don't know what's wrong with
both parties you would have to hear everything
out and this would take longer plus try to put
them in both rooms where they list out their
issues and problems and then constantly yelling
at each other when they don't agree with what
the other person says makes it hard so definitely
do that step two reconstructing and understanding
the conflict meaning Your task at this stage,
once we get to stage two, however long that takes,
is to listen to the participants' stories, whether
together or separately, depending on how overly
zealous and anxious they are, to clarify what
they want. to achieve from this entire process.
If you are meeting both parties together, it's
helpful that you can summarize the main points
of the conflict in a neutral way that both can
understand upon what's going on and propose an
agenda for the discussion. An order in which
issues should be discussed or handled. It can
be anything helpful at this stage to name the
emotions that participants are feeling as well.
This also helps to show that They have been recognized,
they are understood, and we are working to solve
the problem. Okay? Third, defining points of
agreement and dispute. Okay, this one's very
big. This is where it starts to get interesting
and where you need to be careful what you say.
During this stage, if you make it to stage three,
hopefully by now you have, right? During this
stage, your role is to help the participants
move towards a position. Where they start to
understand each other's point of view. And then
begin to resolve a shared problem. I don't know
why I have to stress this part. But it seems
no matter how many times I tell people this.
They go to try to solve the main and last points
rather than the shared problems first. The reason
why I say do the shared problems first is it
helps them. Come to an agreement on smaller things
to get them out of the way so you can focus on
the main topic at hand, unless the main topic
at hand is the biggest shared issue. Now, one
way to do this is to think of it as moving from
a focus on the past to one on the future. It
can also be helpful to use paraphrasing and summaries
in neutral terms to help the participants identify
areas of agreement and to check on their understanding.
Hopefully they... can understand. Anyway, it's
extremely powerful to reflect feelings back at
the participants as it shows both that they have
been heard and that you understand. Don't be
afraid. Keep saying here. Don't be afraid to
break for coffee or walk outside or even make
an adjournment for another day if you think things
are getting a bit heated out of hand. Let's just
put it this way. Sometimes As childish as this
is going to sound, a timeout is a very valuable
reflection of opportunity for everyone. Sometimes
everyone needs a bit of a timeout period. Whether
it's because everyone's heated, no one can come
to terms, or no one can get anything in or out
or word -wise. You know, they start arguing or
whatever again. Alright, alright. We're back.
Okay, cool. So, number four. Let's start with
creating options for agreement. Now that we've
made it this far, okay? A useful starting point
for this stage is to basically identify the simplest
area or the one on which there's the most agreement
and suggest resolving that section first. It's
basically a quick win if you want to look at
it that way. Useful techniques for developing
options include brainstorming. Thinking at this
stage is definitely important. I don't know how
much stress I have to put on that. Anyway, anything
goes at this point. Let's put it this way. You
then need to help the participants to develop
an evaluation criteria, which should ideally
be objective and in order of importance. Your
role here is cheaply to make sure that all participants
are equally involved in generating options and
developing evaluation criteria. Things for them
to consider and to vote upon that they either
agree on or that they think would be a good idea.
And that they cover all the parts of the problem
in the process. Make sure that you're reflecting
their opinions and not your own. Remember, you're
supposed to be unbiased. You can't throw your
point of view into this at all. The only time
is if they ask. However, I would recommend not
doing this. You can also point out linkages between
the options or their problems that prevent it
from being viable. This is not a bad thing, though
it may make them a bit irritated, so use with
caution. But once the options have been evaluated,
you'll need to guide them to a single solution
that will suit all parties and help them to fine
-tune it if it is necessary. And with the process
of that, we reach step five. Developing and agreement.
Okay. Like the objectives, an agreement should
be smart. Well, smart is an anagram, more or
less, for it needs to be specific, measurable,
attainable, realistic, and time -bound. It has
to make sense. It has to be actually doable.
You can help the participants achieve this. by
doing the following these are not optional now
you can may or may not be depending on your circumstance
but for the most part you want to do all of these
writing down the proposal in a neutral language
reading it back to them then write down the individual
individual points so that they are clear and
understood by everybody clarifying any general
or vague points for example by asking the participants
to agree concrete behavioral changes with the
deadlines for achievement that are necessary
Also, avoid legalistic language and keep everything
simple. It doesn't matter how legal it is. It
doesn't matter if you're a lawyer or a liar.
You want to keep it simple. You need to summarize
the progress and next steps, including setting
a deadline for any future meetings and identifying
any remaining areas of difficulty and options
for the resolution. You have to do this, otherwise
it doesn't make any sense. By being positive
about the progression and the fact that everyone
has remained engaged by this point means that
you're doing well. Also, continue to offer your
continued support as the mediator if required,
ensuring that both parties sign the agreement
then and there and close the meeting once the
agreement has been reached so that no other issues
arise. Okay? This is very important. Alright
everybody, that should be it for mediation skills.
I mean, when you think about it, skill mediators
need, you know, they need to be able to have
active listening skills. Otherwise, this doesn't
really make any sense. I mean, there's a range
of skills they need, but active listening is
the first thing. Next, they need to be able to
question and clarify. any facts or information
needed about the controversy. So clarifying skills,
questioning skills, definitely pluses to have,
okay? They also need to have emotional intelligence.
They need to be able to understand emotions.
They need summarizing skills to set out the main
points of controversy and underline the emotions
involved, and also to help the participants to
reframe issues so that they're less emotive.
and more logical so they can think straight.
Also, they need empathy. It's very important
because it helps each party to stand in each
other's shoes and understand how each other feels.
That's the whole point of this entire channel.
Food for thought. Thoughts if it were you. How
would you feel if you were in their shoes? I
am basically a mediator. Okay? At least the only
reason why I started this podcast is because
I am a mediator. This is what I do. This is how
I, I guess you could say in a way, this is how
most mediators get their kicks. Except for me,
it's basically my way of helping other people
solve their problems indirectly without being
involved. Do I care about you or do I care about
your problems? Yes. But do I have the time to
listen to every single person's problem? No.
Unfortunately, I do not. What I can do is teach
you how to solve your own problems so that you
can move forward in life easier. Okay. And perhaps
the most importantly important thing, a mediator
must not take sides or be seen to be acting unfairly.
This is something that a lot of people I find
can't help but do. If you're an emotional person,
the only way you can be a mediator. Is if you
find a way to, and I quote, seal your emotions.
Because once you start becoming emotional, you
are no longer qualified to be a mediator. Because
now you're going to start taking sides. Whether
you take one party's side or the other. Or you
side against them. This is going to hurt the
whole negotiation process. You'll therefore need
to be able to acknowledge points made by both
parties with this. And spend equal amount of
time with each person. on their issues specifically
right it's never going to help to point out that
someone is being unreasonable but you can help
them take a reality check by asking what they
would consider a reasonable outcome to be and
then asking whether they think the other party
would agree with that outcome and if not why
that is okay finally gotta take a breather this
is a lot of information that I know and I'm really
sorry but I mean if you really want to be a mediator
this is important plus I know I talk fast so
I do apologize but if you're still here even
now then obviously I'm doing something right
right all right everybody so and finally okay
although how do I want to put this Let's just
say a little humility is always a good thing.
It's never a bad thing, but too much of it maybe,
but not enough of it is bad. So let's put it
this way. It's important to remember that mediation
might not always work and it's not always the
fault of the mediator if it doesn't. Sometimes
people just can't be brought to agree or they're
just really entitled. You know, we've gone over
this before. For example, if participants do
not come ready to find a shared solution, it's
going to be difficult to mediate one, especially
if they're cross -cultural disputes. They're
always going to be hard to mediate because what
is acceptable in one behavior or culture may
not totally be accepted in another. And a good
mediator will always try to be aware of what
else is going on, trying to understand any hidden
agendas, barriers. and such to make an acceptable
or effective problem solving case. An effective
mediator will always at the same time be able
to distance themselves from the problem. Like
I said, once you start becoming emotional or
you become tied in or biased, that's when the
whole thing will break down because it's your
job to keep them separated long enough for them
to see the problems and the errors of their ways
with the problem at hand so that they come up
with a solution on their own. Okay? Again, I
said, and I'm going to say it again, the role
of the mediator is to help others resolve their
problems in a mutual or mutually agreeable way
without getting bogged down in the problem themselves.
It's not your job to become part of the problem,
and it's your job to help them solve the problem.
Okay? It's as simple as that. Man, that is a
lot of information. I mean, it's not as... A
lot is some of the stuff I've covered in the
past, but for lack there of a better word, it's
still a lot. So with that being said, everybody,
this is Food for Thought. Thoughts if it were
you. I'm your host, Neogentrix, and that was
Mediation Skills. I hope you guys have a great
rest of your day. I hope your Thanksgiving was
great. And I'll see you later on this week. Enjoy.