WEBVTT 00:00:08.230 --> 00:00:36.229 I give them a cure with a fresh new album. Yo, 00:00:36.250 --> 00:00:39.149 welcome back everybody. This is your host, Neogentrics. 00:00:39.210 --> 00:00:41.289 And this is Food for Thought, thoughts if it 00:00:41.289 --> 00:00:45.030 were you. It's another typical day, a brand new 00:00:45.030 --> 00:00:48.170 Tuesday, if you will, at 3 in the morning as 00:00:48.170 --> 00:00:50.990 I'm recording this. We've been covering a lot 00:00:50.990 --> 00:00:53.789 of different topics, issues, and such over the 00:00:53.789 --> 00:00:56.409 last couple of years. And like I did promise, 00:00:56.609 --> 00:00:58.890 I said I was going to come back with a vengeance 00:00:58.890 --> 00:01:02.049 and record even more and give you guys the content 00:01:02.049 --> 00:01:07.420 that you so rightly deserve. and or need there's 00:01:07.420 --> 00:01:08.920 a lot of topics i'm going to cover but we're 00:01:08.920 --> 00:01:11.040 going to keep going through all the mediocre 00:01:11.040 --> 00:01:14.640 and major type skills that while everyone nowadays 00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:18.519 thinks is common sense most of it isn't and a 00:01:18.519 --> 00:01:20.739 lot of people don't know about it or they need 00:01:20.739 --> 00:01:25.019 to know about it so sit back relax today's topic 00:01:25.019 --> 00:01:28.659 is mediation skills last time we covered this 00:01:28.659 --> 00:01:32.650 in a little bit of detail regarding other topics 00:01:32.650 --> 00:01:34.670 but today we're going to focus a little bit more 00:01:34.670 --> 00:01:38.670 on it as it is currently relevant. Now as you 00:01:38.670 --> 00:01:40.730 already know mediation is the involvement of 00:01:40.730 --> 00:01:44.010 an impartial third party to support and help 00:01:44.010 --> 00:01:47.090 those involved in a conflict as well as find 00:01:47.090 --> 00:01:49.709 some type of resolution to whatever the said 00:01:49.709 --> 00:01:52.150 problem is. The key difference here being that 00:01:52.150 --> 00:01:56.250 between negotiation and mediation there's a little 00:01:56.250 --> 00:01:58.430 bit of negotiation as I've mentioned before. 00:01:59.500 --> 00:02:01.819 The parties involved have to work out their own 00:02:01.819 --> 00:02:03.780 agreement. And the whole point of a mediator 00:02:03.780 --> 00:02:07.060 is so that they don't have to submit to one side 00:02:07.060 --> 00:02:09.840 or the other. They're a neutral third party. 00:02:10.020 --> 00:02:13.180 Okay. And they came to basically help out with 00:02:13.180 --> 00:02:16.219 the agreement. That's what a mediator is. Okay. 00:02:17.219 --> 00:02:19.879 Mediation, whether it's formal or informal, as 00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:23.560 I mentioned before, can also very often more 00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:27.639 than not solve conflicts that have gone awry. 00:02:29.080 --> 00:02:32.060 And help begin the first stage of negotiation. 00:02:32.139 --> 00:02:38.060 So we're going to focus in on that. And then 00:02:38.060 --> 00:02:40.759 we're going to zone in next time on peer negotiation. 00:02:40.759 --> 00:02:44.639 So today we're going to, I'm sorry, peer mediation, 00:02:44.740 --> 00:02:46.960 which is a little bit different. But we're going 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:50.900 to just focus on the main topic today of just 00:02:50.900 --> 00:02:54.879 mediation skills. All right. With that being 00:02:54.879 --> 00:02:57.770 said. I want to go ahead and point out the characteristics 00:02:57.770 --> 00:03:02.330 of mediation, okay? The key aspect of mediation 00:03:02.330 --> 00:03:05.969 is that the mediator does not, and I repeat, 00:03:06.370 --> 00:03:11.710 does not sort things out, okay? He also doesn't 00:03:11.710 --> 00:03:14.629 make any decisions for the parties involved whatsoever, 00:03:14.949 --> 00:03:21.770 okay? His or her or it, we, she, him or they, 00:03:21.909 --> 00:03:26.800 whatever you identify as nowadays, helps both 00:03:26.800 --> 00:03:31.319 the parties involved work together, okay? To 00:03:31.319 --> 00:03:33.520 develop their own agreement, their own solution, 00:03:33.639 --> 00:03:37.620 okay? So that there's no back and forth, he said, 00:03:37.659 --> 00:03:41.080 she said something, okay? What this involves 00:03:41.080 --> 00:03:44.659 is voluntary participation, face -to -face discussions 00:03:44.659 --> 00:03:49.300 between both the parties in the conflict. That 00:03:49.300 --> 00:03:52.340 being said, the mediator has to be biased, I'm 00:03:52.340 --> 00:03:54.909 sorry, unbiased. without any decision -making 00:03:54.909 --> 00:04:03.990 power, who has no power whatsoever to help those 00:04:03.990 --> 00:04:07.689 involved, but whose main point is to help them 00:04:07.689 --> 00:04:10.110 understand each other's points so that they can 00:04:10.110 --> 00:04:14.229 come to an agreement. If your mediator is biased, 00:04:14.370 --> 00:04:16.689 it's time to find another one. He has to be unbiased. 00:04:16.730 --> 00:04:21.750 He can't pick one side or the other. Also, in 00:04:21.750 --> 00:04:25.389 mediation, Equal opportunity for both participants 00:04:25.389 --> 00:04:27.550 to speak and explain their perspective of the 00:04:27.550 --> 00:04:31.310 current problem is required. All the relevant 00:04:31.310 --> 00:04:33.970 information, no matter how big or small, must 00:04:33.970 --> 00:04:38.410 be shared in order for this to work. It's basically 00:04:38.410 --> 00:04:40.850 a shared agreement between both parties once 00:04:40.850 --> 00:04:46.149 that mutual agreement has come to fruition. Although 00:04:46.149 --> 00:04:50.110 there are many trained mediators to work to help 00:04:50.110 --> 00:04:53.709 resolve conflicts, anyone, And I mean anyone 00:04:53.709 --> 00:04:55.610 can act as a mediator, whether in a disagreement 00:04:55.610 --> 00:04:58.189 between colleagues or to bring two quarreling 00:04:58.189 --> 00:05:01.829 friends or neighbors together to solve whatever 00:05:01.829 --> 00:05:06.509 problem they have. Okay? So, that's the basic 00:05:06.509 --> 00:05:08.610 gist of it. Let's go ahead and dive into the 00:05:08.610 --> 00:05:32.449 mediation process. Alright, let's go ahead and 00:05:32.449 --> 00:05:36.189 dive into the mediation process, okay? Although 00:05:36.189 --> 00:05:40.069 every conflict and every mediation process will 00:05:40.069 --> 00:05:43.230 be slightly different, there are a number of 00:05:43.230 --> 00:05:45.069 steps which you will need to consider in every 00:05:45.069 --> 00:05:49.110 case and points to take into account when setting 00:05:49.110 --> 00:05:53.189 up to help mediate between two different parties. 00:05:54.449 --> 00:05:57.370 The first thing being preparation. You will need 00:05:57.370 --> 00:05:59.870 to lay out the ground rules for the mediation 00:05:59.870 --> 00:06:02.970 process first. There is a reason for this. Otherwise, 00:06:03.069 --> 00:06:05.449 this whole thing will be a giant mess of he says, 00:06:05.490 --> 00:06:07.610 she said, and everyone talking over each other 00:06:07.610 --> 00:06:09.550 and trying to cut each other off just when they 00:06:09.550 --> 00:06:11.350 don't like or want to hear what the other person 00:06:11.350 --> 00:06:13.449 has to say, even if what the other person has 00:06:13.449 --> 00:06:15.389 to say is important or relevant to the current 00:06:15.389 --> 00:06:18.209 issue at hand, or maybe the reason why the whole 00:06:18.209 --> 00:06:22.089 discussion is happening in the first place. Usually, 00:06:22.149 --> 00:06:25.009 some basic rules of communication and confidentiality 00:06:25.009 --> 00:06:28.730 will be essential, but there may also be others 00:06:28.730 --> 00:06:32.370 that are pertinent to the situation in hand. 00:06:32.430 --> 00:06:40.629 For example, you may want to set out there that 00:06:40.629 --> 00:06:43.490 only one person talks at a time. Like I mentioned 00:06:43.490 --> 00:06:46.730 earlier, it could cause a lot of issues. The 00:06:46.730 --> 00:06:49.819 others have to listen in silence. And that there 00:06:49.819 --> 00:06:55.300 is to be no verbal abuse at any time. At all. 00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:01.300 If that happens, the whole thing stops until 00:07:01.300 --> 00:07:04.639 everyone calms down again, first off. And that 00:07:04.639 --> 00:07:07.500 whatever happens remains confidential unless 00:07:07.500 --> 00:07:10.040 both parties agree to speak about what it said 00:07:10.040 --> 00:07:13.660 in that room outside of the mediation room. You 00:07:13.660 --> 00:07:16.160 may also wish to set out the mediator's role. 00:07:18.220 --> 00:07:20.980 First off, that you are to be impartial. You 00:07:20.980 --> 00:07:23.160 are to help the parties reach their solution, 00:07:23.220 --> 00:07:26.360 not solve their problem. Also, to protect the 00:07:26.360 --> 00:07:28.839 parties from each other, if necessary, should 00:07:28.839 --> 00:07:33.160 something go wrong, as mentioned earlier. You 00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:35.540 should also consider whether you should have 00:07:35.540 --> 00:07:38.000 separate meetings with each party to develop 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:40.220 a better understanding of the issues before mediating 00:07:40.220 --> 00:07:42.600 a joint meeting between them. I would actually 00:07:42.600 --> 00:07:45.230 recommend this because... you can't mediate between 00:07:45.230 --> 00:07:47.290 both parties if you don't know what's wrong with 00:07:47.290 --> 00:07:48.589 both parties you would have to hear everything 00:07:48.589 --> 00:07:50.810 out and this would take longer plus try to put 00:07:50.810 --> 00:07:52.970 them in both rooms where they list out their 00:07:52.970 --> 00:07:55.889 issues and problems and then constantly yelling 00:07:55.889 --> 00:07:57.350 at each other when they don't agree with what 00:07:57.350 --> 00:08:01.269 the other person says makes it hard so definitely 00:08:01.269 --> 00:08:05.550 do that step two reconstructing and understanding 00:08:05.550 --> 00:08:09.680 the conflict meaning Your task at this stage, 00:08:09.819 --> 00:08:12.519 once we get to stage two, however long that takes, 00:08:12.660 --> 00:08:16.480 is to listen to the participants' stories, whether 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:20.540 together or separately, depending on how overly 00:08:20.540 --> 00:08:25.259 zealous and anxious they are, to clarify what 00:08:25.259 --> 00:08:27.970 they want. to achieve from this entire process. 00:08:28.110 --> 00:08:30.250 If you are meeting both parties together, it's 00:08:30.250 --> 00:08:32.250 helpful that you can summarize the main points 00:08:32.250 --> 00:08:34.149 of the conflict in a neutral way that both can 00:08:34.149 --> 00:08:36.690 understand upon what's going on and propose an 00:08:36.690 --> 00:08:40.070 agenda for the discussion. An order in which 00:08:40.070 --> 00:08:44.870 issues should be discussed or handled. It can 00:08:44.870 --> 00:08:48.269 be anything helpful at this stage to name the 00:08:48.269 --> 00:08:51.250 emotions that participants are feeling as well. 00:08:52.210 --> 00:08:56.000 This also helps to show that They have been recognized, 00:08:56.159 --> 00:08:58.759 they are understood, and we are working to solve 00:08:58.759 --> 00:09:04.100 the problem. Okay? Third, defining points of 00:09:04.100 --> 00:09:06.639 agreement and dispute. Okay, this one's very 00:09:06.639 --> 00:09:08.279 big. This is where it starts to get interesting 00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:10.580 and where you need to be careful what you say. 00:09:11.059 --> 00:09:14.159 During this stage, if you make it to stage three, 00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:17.480 hopefully by now you have, right? During this 00:09:17.480 --> 00:09:20.559 stage, your role is to help the participants 00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:24.059 move towards a position. Where they start to 00:09:24.059 --> 00:09:26.279 understand each other's point of view. And then 00:09:26.279 --> 00:09:32.019 begin to resolve a shared problem. I don't know 00:09:32.019 --> 00:09:34.820 why I have to stress this part. But it seems 00:09:34.820 --> 00:09:36.159 no matter how many times I tell people this. 00:09:36.899 --> 00:09:42.039 They go to try to solve the main and last points 00:09:42.039 --> 00:09:44.580 rather than the shared problems first. The reason 00:09:44.580 --> 00:09:46.679 why I say do the shared problems first is it 00:09:46.679 --> 00:09:49.429 helps them. Come to an agreement on smaller things 00:09:49.429 --> 00:09:51.470 to get them out of the way so you can focus on 00:09:51.470 --> 00:09:53.210 the main topic at hand, unless the main topic 00:09:53.210 --> 00:09:57.490 at hand is the biggest shared issue. Now, one 00:09:57.490 --> 00:10:01.929 way to do this is to think of it as moving from 00:10:01.929 --> 00:10:05.529 a focus on the past to one on the future. It 00:10:05.529 --> 00:10:08.610 can also be helpful to use paraphrasing and summaries 00:10:08.610 --> 00:10:11.230 in neutral terms to help the participants identify 00:10:11.230 --> 00:10:14.470 areas of agreement and to check on their understanding. 00:10:14.710 --> 00:10:17.559 Hopefully they... can understand. Anyway, it's 00:10:17.559 --> 00:10:20.379 extremely powerful to reflect feelings back at 00:10:20.379 --> 00:10:23.019 the participants as it shows both that they have 00:10:23.019 --> 00:10:26.000 been heard and that you understand. Don't be 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:30.659 afraid. Keep saying here. Don't be afraid to 00:10:30.659 --> 00:10:34.639 break for coffee or walk outside or even make 00:10:34.639 --> 00:10:36.919 an adjournment for another day if you think things 00:10:36.919 --> 00:10:40.360 are getting a bit heated out of hand. Let's just 00:10:40.360 --> 00:10:44.259 put it this way. Sometimes As childish as this 00:10:44.259 --> 00:10:47.340 is going to sound, a timeout is a very valuable 00:10:47.340 --> 00:10:50.340 reflection of opportunity for everyone. Sometimes 00:10:50.340 --> 00:10:53.500 everyone needs a bit of a timeout period. Whether 00:10:53.500 --> 00:10:56.940 it's because everyone's heated, no one can come 00:10:56.940 --> 00:11:00.399 to terms, or no one can get anything in or out 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:03.340 or word -wise. You know, they start arguing or 00:11:03.340 --> 00:11:33.490 whatever again. Alright, alright. We're back. 00:11:33.690 --> 00:11:37.509 Okay, cool. So, number four. Let's start with 00:11:37.509 --> 00:11:39.690 creating options for agreement. Now that we've 00:11:39.690 --> 00:11:42.470 made it this far, okay? A useful starting point 00:11:42.470 --> 00:11:46.870 for this stage is to basically identify the simplest 00:11:46.870 --> 00:11:50.470 area or the one on which there's the most agreement 00:11:50.470 --> 00:11:55.710 and suggest resolving that section first. It's 00:11:55.710 --> 00:11:57.610 basically a quick win if you want to look at 00:11:57.610 --> 00:11:59.830 it that way. Useful techniques for developing 00:11:59.830 --> 00:12:02.990 options include brainstorming. Thinking at this 00:12:02.990 --> 00:12:06.950 stage is definitely important. I don't know how 00:12:06.950 --> 00:12:10.330 much stress I have to put on that. Anyway, anything 00:12:10.330 --> 00:12:12.830 goes at this point. Let's put it this way. You 00:12:12.830 --> 00:12:14.470 then need to help the participants to develop 00:12:14.470 --> 00:12:18.110 an evaluation criteria, which should ideally 00:12:18.110 --> 00:12:26.710 be objective and in order of importance. Your 00:12:26.710 --> 00:12:30.269 role here is cheaply to make sure that all participants 00:12:30.269 --> 00:12:32.470 are equally involved in generating options and 00:12:32.470 --> 00:12:35.230 developing evaluation criteria. Things for them 00:12:35.230 --> 00:12:38.710 to consider and to vote upon that they either 00:12:38.710 --> 00:12:41.070 agree on or that they think would be a good idea. 00:12:41.190 --> 00:12:44.110 And that they cover all the parts of the problem 00:12:44.110 --> 00:12:47.009 in the process. Make sure that you're reflecting 00:12:47.009 --> 00:12:49.250 their opinions and not your own. Remember, you're 00:12:49.250 --> 00:12:51.269 supposed to be unbiased. You can't throw your 00:12:51.269 --> 00:12:53.789 point of view into this at all. The only time 00:12:53.789 --> 00:12:56.389 is if they ask. However, I would recommend not 00:12:56.389 --> 00:13:00.230 doing this. You can also point out linkages between 00:13:00.230 --> 00:13:03.370 the options or their problems that prevent it 00:13:03.370 --> 00:13:05.750 from being viable. This is not a bad thing, though 00:13:05.750 --> 00:13:08.710 it may make them a bit irritated, so use with 00:13:08.710 --> 00:13:12.470 caution. But once the options have been evaluated, 00:13:12.690 --> 00:13:14.909 you'll need to guide them to a single solution 00:13:14.909 --> 00:13:17.269 that will suit all parties and help them to fine 00:13:17.269 --> 00:13:20.789 -tune it if it is necessary. And with the process 00:13:20.789 --> 00:13:26.039 of that, we reach step five. Developing and agreement. 00:13:26.940 --> 00:13:31.320 Okay. Like the objectives, an agreement should 00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:38.620 be smart. Well, smart is an anagram, more or 00:13:38.620 --> 00:13:42.759 less, for it needs to be specific, measurable, 00:13:43.259 --> 00:13:47.240 attainable, realistic, and time -bound. It has 00:13:47.240 --> 00:13:49.240 to make sense. It has to be actually doable. 00:13:49.940 --> 00:13:52.730 You can help the participants achieve this. by 00:13:52.730 --> 00:13:56.649 doing the following these are not optional now 00:13:56.649 --> 00:13:59.169 you can may or may not be depending on your circumstance 00:13:59.169 --> 00:14:01.049 but for the most part you want to do all of these 00:14:01.049 --> 00:14:03.870 writing down the proposal in a neutral language 00:14:03.870 --> 00:14:06.690 reading it back to them then write down the individual 00:14:06.690 --> 00:14:08.870 individual points so that they are clear and 00:14:08.870 --> 00:14:12.350 understood by everybody clarifying any general 00:14:12.350 --> 00:14:15.470 or vague points for example by asking the participants 00:14:15.470 --> 00:14:18.029 to agree concrete behavioral changes with the 00:14:18.029 --> 00:14:20.169 deadlines for achievement that are necessary 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:25.059 Also, avoid legalistic language and keep everything 00:14:25.059 --> 00:14:27.019 simple. It doesn't matter how legal it is. It 00:14:27.019 --> 00:14:28.639 doesn't matter if you're a lawyer or a liar. 00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:33.039 You want to keep it simple. You need to summarize 00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:38.659 the progress and next steps, including setting 00:14:38.659 --> 00:14:41.419 a deadline for any future meetings and identifying 00:14:41.419 --> 00:14:43.980 any remaining areas of difficulty and options 00:14:43.980 --> 00:14:46.620 for the resolution. You have to do this, otherwise 00:14:46.620 --> 00:14:49.580 it doesn't make any sense. By being positive 00:14:49.580 --> 00:14:53.879 about the progression and the fact that everyone 00:14:53.879 --> 00:14:55.840 has remained engaged by this point means that 00:14:55.840 --> 00:14:58.759 you're doing well. Also, continue to offer your 00:14:58.759 --> 00:15:01.639 continued support as the mediator if required, 00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:03.559 ensuring that both parties sign the agreement 00:15:03.559 --> 00:15:05.759 then and there and close the meeting once the 00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:07.899 agreement has been reached so that no other issues 00:15:07.899 --> 00:15:37.149 arise. Okay? This is very important. Alright 00:15:37.149 --> 00:15:41.009 everybody, that should be it for mediation skills. 00:15:41.450 --> 00:15:45.269 I mean, when you think about it, skill mediators 00:15:45.269 --> 00:15:47.809 need, you know, they need to be able to have 00:15:47.809 --> 00:15:50.210 active listening skills. Otherwise, this doesn't 00:15:50.210 --> 00:15:52.350 really make any sense. I mean, there's a range 00:15:52.350 --> 00:15:54.649 of skills they need, but active listening is 00:15:54.649 --> 00:15:56.889 the first thing. Next, they need to be able to 00:15:56.889 --> 00:16:00.590 question and clarify. any facts or information 00:16:00.590 --> 00:16:03.309 needed about the controversy. So clarifying skills, 00:16:03.490 --> 00:16:06.570 questioning skills, definitely pluses to have, 00:16:06.730 --> 00:16:10.409 okay? They also need to have emotional intelligence. 00:16:10.490 --> 00:16:11.549 They need to be able to understand emotions. 00:16:12.049 --> 00:16:14.529 They need summarizing skills to set out the main 00:16:14.529 --> 00:16:17.470 points of controversy and underline the emotions 00:16:17.470 --> 00:16:21.289 involved, and also to help the participants to 00:16:21.289 --> 00:16:24.850 reframe issues so that they're less emotive. 00:16:25.480 --> 00:16:28.179 and more logical so they can think straight. 00:16:28.360 --> 00:16:31.379 Also, they need empathy. It's very important 00:16:31.379 --> 00:16:34.379 because it helps each party to stand in each 00:16:34.379 --> 00:16:37.299 other's shoes and understand how each other feels. 00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:39.259 That's the whole point of this entire channel. 00:16:39.379 --> 00:16:41.559 Food for thought. Thoughts if it were you. How 00:16:41.559 --> 00:16:43.740 would you feel if you were in their shoes? I 00:16:43.740 --> 00:16:47.490 am basically a mediator. Okay? At least the only 00:16:47.490 --> 00:16:49.850 reason why I started this podcast is because 00:16:49.850 --> 00:16:53.009 I am a mediator. This is what I do. This is how 00:16:53.009 --> 00:16:55.769 I, I guess you could say in a way, this is how 00:16:55.769 --> 00:16:59.129 most mediators get their kicks. Except for me, 00:16:59.230 --> 00:17:01.669 it's basically my way of helping other people 00:17:01.669 --> 00:17:04.490 solve their problems indirectly without being 00:17:04.490 --> 00:17:07.250 involved. Do I care about you or do I care about 00:17:07.250 --> 00:17:10.130 your problems? Yes. But do I have the time to 00:17:10.130 --> 00:17:12.549 listen to every single person's problem? No. 00:17:12.990 --> 00:17:15.720 Unfortunately, I do not. What I can do is teach 00:17:15.720 --> 00:17:18.259 you how to solve your own problems so that you 00:17:18.259 --> 00:17:22.359 can move forward in life easier. Okay. And perhaps 00:17:22.359 --> 00:17:27.460 the most importantly important thing, a mediator 00:17:27.460 --> 00:17:32.160 must not take sides or be seen to be acting unfairly. 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.700 This is something that a lot of people I find 00:17:34.700 --> 00:17:37.940 can't help but do. If you're an emotional person, 00:17:38.099 --> 00:17:41.369 the only way you can be a mediator. Is if you 00:17:41.369 --> 00:17:44.170 find a way to, and I quote, seal your emotions. 00:17:45.170 --> 00:17:47.329 Because once you start becoming emotional, you 00:17:47.329 --> 00:17:50.369 are no longer qualified to be a mediator. Because 00:17:50.369 --> 00:17:51.990 now you're going to start taking sides. Whether 00:17:51.990 --> 00:17:55.509 you take one party's side or the other. Or you 00:17:55.509 --> 00:17:58.190 side against them. This is going to hurt the 00:17:58.190 --> 00:18:01.690 whole negotiation process. You'll therefore need 00:18:01.690 --> 00:18:04.470 to be able to acknowledge points made by both 00:18:04.470 --> 00:18:07.950 parties with this. And spend equal amount of 00:18:07.950 --> 00:18:12.789 time with each person. on their issues specifically 00:18:12.789 --> 00:18:18.130 right it's never going to help to point out that 00:18:18.130 --> 00:18:20.509 someone is being unreasonable but you can help 00:18:20.509 --> 00:18:23.069 them take a reality check by asking what they 00:18:23.069 --> 00:18:25.529 would consider a reasonable outcome to be and 00:18:25.529 --> 00:18:27.049 then asking whether they think the other party 00:18:27.049 --> 00:18:30.529 would agree with that outcome and if not why 00:18:30.529 --> 00:18:37.059 that is okay finally gotta take a breather this 00:18:37.059 --> 00:18:39.180 is a lot of information that I know and I'm really 00:18:39.180 --> 00:18:41.759 sorry but I mean if you really want to be a mediator 00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:46.339 this is important plus I know I talk fast so 00:18:46.339 --> 00:18:50.740 I do apologize but if you're still here even 00:18:50.740 --> 00:18:54.140 now then obviously I'm doing something right 00:18:54.140 --> 00:18:59.319 right all right everybody so and finally okay 00:18:59.319 --> 00:19:05.710 although how do I want to put this Let's just 00:19:05.710 --> 00:19:08.049 say a little humility is always a good thing. 00:19:10.230 --> 00:19:13.869 It's never a bad thing, but too much of it maybe, 00:19:13.950 --> 00:19:17.130 but not enough of it is bad. So let's put it 00:19:17.130 --> 00:19:19.589 this way. It's important to remember that mediation 00:19:19.589 --> 00:19:23.509 might not always work and it's not always the 00:19:23.509 --> 00:19:25.450 fault of the mediator if it doesn't. Sometimes 00:19:25.450 --> 00:19:30.029 people just can't be brought to agree or they're 00:19:30.029 --> 00:19:32.549 just really entitled. You know, we've gone over 00:19:32.549 --> 00:19:36.940 this before. For example, if participants do 00:19:36.940 --> 00:19:40.740 not come ready to find a shared solution, it's 00:19:40.740 --> 00:19:43.140 going to be difficult to mediate one, especially 00:19:43.140 --> 00:19:46.259 if they're cross -cultural disputes. They're 00:19:46.259 --> 00:19:48.279 always going to be hard to mediate because what 00:19:48.279 --> 00:19:50.440 is acceptable in one behavior or culture may 00:19:50.440 --> 00:19:55.000 not totally be accepted in another. And a good 00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:56.859 mediator will always try to be aware of what 00:19:56.859 --> 00:19:59.440 else is going on, trying to understand any hidden 00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:04.259 agendas, barriers. and such to make an acceptable 00:20:04.259 --> 00:20:09.200 or effective problem solving case. An effective 00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:13.079 mediator will always at the same time be able 00:20:13.079 --> 00:20:15.660 to distance themselves from the problem. Like 00:20:15.660 --> 00:20:17.880 I said, once you start becoming emotional or 00:20:17.880 --> 00:20:20.779 you become tied in or biased, that's when the 00:20:20.779 --> 00:20:22.299 whole thing will break down because it's your 00:20:22.299 --> 00:20:24.920 job to keep them separated long enough for them 00:20:24.920 --> 00:20:27.180 to see the problems and the errors of their ways 00:20:27.180 --> 00:20:29.920 with the problem at hand so that they come up 00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:34.220 with a solution on their own. Okay? Again, I 00:20:34.220 --> 00:20:36.599 said, and I'm going to say it again, the role 00:20:36.599 --> 00:20:38.700 of the mediator is to help others resolve their 00:20:38.700 --> 00:20:42.140 problems in a mutual or mutually agreeable way 00:20:42.140 --> 00:20:45.240 without getting bogged down in the problem themselves. 00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:47.920 It's not your job to become part of the problem, 00:20:48.019 --> 00:20:50.759 and it's your job to help them solve the problem. 00:20:51.480 --> 00:20:56.259 Okay? It's as simple as that. Man, that is a 00:20:56.259 --> 00:20:59.279 lot of information. I mean, it's not as... A 00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:01.440 lot is some of the stuff I've covered in the 00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:05.339 past, but for lack there of a better word, it's 00:21:05.339 --> 00:21:07.859 still a lot. So with that being said, everybody, 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:12.019 this is Food for Thought. Thoughts if it were 00:21:12.019 --> 00:21:15.039 you. I'm your host, Neogentrix, and that was 00:21:15.039 --> 00:21:20.279 Mediation Skills. I hope you guys have a great 00:21:20.279 --> 00:21:21.759 rest of your day. I hope your Thanksgiving was 00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:27.019 great. And I'll see you later on this week. Enjoy.