WEBVTT 00:00:20.329 --> 00:00:22.469 back everybody welcome back welcome back this 00:00:22.469 --> 00:00:24.730 is food for thought thoughts if it were you and 00:00:24.730 --> 00:00:28.670 this is your host neogentrics now it is currently 00:00:28.670 --> 00:00:32.630 12 30 in the morning and i'm back doing my podcast 00:00:32.630 --> 00:00:34.229 at the normal times now there's a lot of stuff 00:00:34.229 --> 00:00:36.109 going on trying to keep me and preventing me 00:00:36.109 --> 00:00:39.270 from doing them i just finished the suicide prevention 00:00:39.270 --> 00:00:41.750 podcast for the month of september yesterday 00:00:41.750 --> 00:00:44.429 i know it came a bit late but you know school 00:00:44.429 --> 00:00:46.170 getting in the way and everything else kind of 00:00:46.170 --> 00:00:50.020 hard to you know do what you have to do so I 00:00:50.020 --> 00:00:51.880 am going to pick back up where I left off with 00:00:51.880 --> 00:00:53.799 communication. Like I said, there's a lot of 00:00:53.799 --> 00:00:56.479 stuff I want to cover. I want to get back to 00:00:56.479 --> 00:00:58.500 where we need to be. I should have finished this 00:00:58.500 --> 00:01:02.119 a month ago, but, you know, life happens. So 00:01:02.119 --> 00:01:04.560 I'm going to write off of the suicide prevention 00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:08.379 podcast a little bit and to help those who have 00:01:08.379 --> 00:01:12.040 a hard time communicating. So today's topic is 00:01:12.040 --> 00:01:14.459 going to be on the topic of improving communication 00:01:14.459 --> 00:01:17.000 and developing effective communication skills, 00:01:17.219 --> 00:01:21.640 okay? Let me start with this. Effective communication 00:01:21.640 --> 00:01:25.879 skills are fundamental to the success in many 00:01:25.879 --> 00:01:28.260 aspects of life. Many jobs require strong communication 00:01:28.260 --> 00:01:31.319 skills, and people with communication skills 00:01:31.319 --> 00:01:34.099 usually enjoy better interpersonal relationships 00:01:34.099 --> 00:01:36.519 with family and friends, okay? This is a known 00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:39.900 fact. Effective communication is a key interpersonal 00:01:39.900 --> 00:01:44.280 skill, and learning how we can improve our communication 00:01:44.280 --> 00:01:48.400 has many, many, many, many benefits, okay? And 00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:50.260 like I mentioned before, communication is a two 00:01:50.260 --> 00:01:53.140 -way process. So improving communication involves 00:01:53.140 --> 00:01:57.260 both how we send and receive our messages to 00:01:57.260 --> 00:02:01.359 people. Okay? So, first things first. Learn to 00:02:01.359 --> 00:02:05.799 listen. I know, it sounds simple enough, but 00:02:05.799 --> 00:02:10.500 a lot of people can't really do it. And it's 00:02:10.500 --> 00:02:13.939 probably a little hypocritical for me to say 00:02:13.939 --> 00:02:16.780 this, but... Having not been able to successfully 00:02:16.780 --> 00:02:20.400 do it myself. But listening is not the same as 00:02:20.400 --> 00:02:23.780 hearing. Okay? I can hear what you say all day 00:02:23.780 --> 00:02:25.460 long. It doesn't mean I'm actually listening. 00:02:26.020 --> 00:02:31.000 Okay? And this I will admit I am guilty of. Okay? 00:02:31.580 --> 00:02:34.680 Listen to listen. Not only to the words being 00:02:34.680 --> 00:02:38.199 spoken, but how they are spoken and the nonverbal 00:02:38.199 --> 00:02:41.990 messages sent with them. Use techniques of clarification 00:02:41.990 --> 00:02:44.129 and reflection to confirm what the other person 00:02:44.129 --> 00:02:51.629 has said, usually to avoid confusion. Try not 00:02:51.629 --> 00:02:54.509 to think about what to say next while listening. 00:02:54.629 --> 00:02:56.530 If you're doing that, you're obviously not listening. 00:02:57.449 --> 00:02:59.530 Instead, clear your mind and focus on the message 00:02:59.530 --> 00:03:01.710 being received. Your friends, colleagues, and 00:03:01.710 --> 00:03:03.509 other acquaintances will appreciate good listening 00:03:03.509 --> 00:03:06.990 skills. I guarantee you that. People most of 00:03:06.990 --> 00:03:09.090 the time aren't looking for answers. And I've 00:03:09.090 --> 00:03:11.569 covered that before in one of my earlier podcasts 00:03:11.569 --> 00:03:14.669 in communication. Just because a person comes 00:03:14.669 --> 00:03:18.110 to you with a problem does not mean they want 00:03:18.110 --> 00:03:19.909 a solution. They just want someone to talk to. 00:03:20.509 --> 00:03:22.849 And with that being said, be aware of other people's 00:03:22.849 --> 00:03:26.949 emotions. Be sympathetic to other people's misfortunes 00:03:26.949 --> 00:03:29.870 and congratulate their positive landmarks. To 00:03:29.870 --> 00:03:31.949 do this, you need to be aware of what's going 00:03:31.949 --> 00:03:33.710 on in other people's lives. Make and maintain 00:03:33.710 --> 00:03:36.289 eye contact and use first names where appropriate. 00:03:37.259 --> 00:03:40.719 I can't stress that one enough. Do not be afraid 00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:44.099 to ask others for their opinions in this as it 00:03:44.099 --> 00:03:48.300 will help to make them feel valued. Okay? And 00:03:48.300 --> 00:03:51.300 with that being said, consider the emotional 00:03:51.300 --> 00:03:52.919 effect of what you are saying and communicate 00:03:52.919 --> 00:03:55.419 with the norms of behavior acceptable to the 00:03:55.419 --> 00:03:58.860 other person. Okay? Basically, take steps to 00:03:58.860 --> 00:04:01.060 be more charismatic. And if you're not sure how 00:04:01.060 --> 00:04:03.960 to do that, I will cover that in another podcast. 00:04:04.219 --> 00:04:08.240 Okay? Actually, you know what? Let's take a short 00:04:08.240 --> 00:04:26.800 break. I'll be right back. All right, and we're 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:32.040 back. So, I know I've been talking a lot, and 00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:37.540 let me... Go back to a topic I covered before. 00:04:39.939 --> 00:04:45.420 And let's look at empathy for a second. When 00:04:45.420 --> 00:04:51.060 communicating, you have to show empathy. Okay? 00:04:52.920 --> 00:04:55.879 Well, first off, what is empathy? If you haven't 00:04:55.879 --> 00:04:58.079 heard the podcast on that, feel free to go check 00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:00.939 it out. But I'm going to give you a quick definition 00:05:00.939 --> 00:05:04.329 here. Empathy is trying to see things from the 00:05:04.329 --> 00:05:08.389 point of view of others. So, when communicating 00:05:08.389 --> 00:05:12.870 with others, try not to be, how do I put it, 00:05:12.889 --> 00:05:18.269 judgmental or biased by preconceived ideas or 00:05:18.269 --> 00:05:21.269 beliefs. Instead, view the situation and responses 00:05:21.269 --> 00:05:24.629 from the other person's perspective. In other 00:05:24.629 --> 00:05:26.529 words, stay in tune with your emotions to help 00:05:26.529 --> 00:05:29.610 enable you to basically understand their emotions. 00:05:31.720 --> 00:05:34.920 If appropriate, offer your personal viewpoint, 00:05:35.160 --> 00:05:38.139 but clearly and honestly, to avoid confusion. 00:05:38.379 --> 00:05:41.199 But bear in mind that some subjects might be 00:05:41.199 --> 00:05:46.560 too taboo or too emotional or emotionally stressful 00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:50.360 for others to even discuss. So keep that in mind. 00:05:51.540 --> 00:05:55.860 And with that, be encouraging. Offer words and 00:05:55.860 --> 00:05:58.220 actions of encouragement as well as praise to 00:05:58.220 --> 00:06:01.449 others. Make other people feel welcome, wanted, 00:06:01.649 --> 00:06:05.589 valued, and appreciated. In your communications, 00:06:05.829 --> 00:06:08.449 I would hope most people would do this, but not 00:06:08.449 --> 00:06:12.209 everyone. If you let others know that they are 00:06:12.209 --> 00:06:14.589 valued, they are much more likely to give you 00:06:14.589 --> 00:06:19.449 their best. For one, they'll trust you. I'm not 00:06:19.449 --> 00:06:21.730 telling you this so you can go behind their back 00:06:21.730 --> 00:06:25.100 and backstab them. No, don't do that. Try to 00:06:25.100 --> 00:06:27.540 ensure that everyone involved in an interaction 00:06:27.540 --> 00:06:30.660 or communication is included through effective 00:06:30.660 --> 00:06:33.699 body language and the use of open questions. 00:06:35.420 --> 00:06:37.920 Give them room to speak, basically, you know? 00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:42.720 With that being said, learn to communicate effectively 00:06:42.720 --> 00:06:46.639 in the sense that don't say the first thing that 00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:48.759 comes to your head, but instead take a moment 00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:51.480 to pay close attention to what you say and how 00:06:51.480 --> 00:06:55.529 you say it. In other words, How did my dad put 00:06:55.529 --> 00:06:58.490 it? Let your tongue roll around in your mouth 00:06:58.490 --> 00:07:00.329 three times before you speak. This will give 00:07:00.329 --> 00:07:01.769 you a chance to think about what you're about 00:07:01.769 --> 00:07:04.870 to say before you say it. Now, I don't mean that 00:07:04.870 --> 00:07:07.250 actually literally. It means stop and think. 00:07:09.089 --> 00:07:11.529 Focus on the meaning of what you want to communicate. 00:07:12.509 --> 00:07:15.110 Don't just blurt it out, obviously. Have some 00:07:15.110 --> 00:07:18.829 tack. Which I do believe I have covered. If I 00:07:18.829 --> 00:07:22.220 haven't already, I will. Aim to increase understanding 00:07:22.220 --> 00:07:25.300 by considering how your message might be received 00:07:25.300 --> 00:07:28.220 by the other person. By communicating clearly, 00:07:28.399 --> 00:07:30.639 you can help avoid misunderstandings and potential 00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:34.680 conflict with others. By speaking eloquently, 00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:40.339 you will come across as more intelligent and 00:07:40.339 --> 00:07:44.019 mature. In some cases, this isn't always a good 00:07:44.019 --> 00:07:45.620 thing. I'm speaking from personal experience. 00:07:46.589 --> 00:07:48.870 It can make you a little distant to other people, 00:07:48.910 --> 00:07:52.029 but at least you'll know who is supportive of 00:07:52.029 --> 00:07:53.569 you and will help you to move forward versus 00:07:53.569 --> 00:07:55.490 people who just want to bring you down. So there 00:07:55.490 --> 00:07:57.709 is a benefit to this, but there's also a negative 00:07:57.709 --> 00:08:01.490 to it. All right, remember that. Be aware of 00:08:01.490 --> 00:08:03.529 the messages you are sending via nonverbal channels 00:08:03.529 --> 00:08:06.110 as well. Make eye contact and avoid defensive 00:08:06.110 --> 00:08:10.449 body language, if at all possible. You've heard 00:08:10.449 --> 00:08:13.199 the saying, old diet, old... Habits die hard. 00:08:13.339 --> 00:08:15.899 I don't know what they say about old diets. Don't 00:08:15.899 --> 00:08:21.379 worry about that. Present information in a way 00:08:21.379 --> 00:08:26.939 that is meaning. You know, where it can be understood. 00:08:27.160 --> 00:08:30.339 Basically, how do I put this? Present it in a 00:08:30.339 --> 00:08:32.919 way where the meaning is clear. Make it understood. 00:08:33.139 --> 00:08:35.440 Pay particular attention to differences in culture, 00:08:35.620 --> 00:08:38.360 past experiences, attitudes, abilities, before 00:08:38.360 --> 00:08:41.370 conveying your message. And in other words, Avoid 00:08:41.370 --> 00:08:44.730 jargon and overcomplicated language. Explain 00:08:44.730 --> 00:08:49.309 things as simple as possible. Request clarification 00:08:49.309 --> 00:08:53.690 if unclear about a message. And definitely, definitely 00:08:53.690 --> 00:08:57.549 avoid racist and sexist terms in any language 00:08:57.549 --> 00:09:00.690 that may be considered offensive to anybody. 00:09:00.990 --> 00:09:04.509 Okay? Speaking from personal experience here, 00:09:04.629 --> 00:09:09.269 it hurts more than it helps. Okay? Actually, 00:09:11.500 --> 00:09:16.100 Well, no. Yeah, keep that in mind. It's not as 00:09:16.100 --> 00:09:20.059 helpful as you would think. We'll take a short 00:09:20.059 --> 00:09:41.419 break. Be right back. Okay, okay, okay. And we're 00:09:41.419 --> 00:09:46.259 back. Actually, since we're talking about this, 00:09:46.379 --> 00:09:49.360 let me talk about something else in the midst 00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:51.779 of this that's actually relative to communication. 00:09:52.460 --> 00:09:56.720 Let's talk about humor. When you're communicating, 00:09:57.159 --> 00:09:59.259 when you're trying to improve your communication, 00:09:59.360 --> 00:10:02.539 using humor is a good thing, as well as a bad 00:10:02.539 --> 00:10:05.980 thing. Laughing releases endorphins that can 00:10:05.980 --> 00:10:08.649 help release... you know relieve stress and anxiety 00:10:08.649 --> 00:10:11.389 and most people like to laugh and feel you know 00:10:11.389 --> 00:10:14.090 drawn to someone who can make them laugh so it's 00:10:14.090 --> 00:10:17.169 not a bad thing it's you know how do i put this 00:10:17.169 --> 00:10:19.690 don't be afraid to be funny or clever but do 00:10:19.690 --> 00:10:22.710 ensure your humor is appropriate to the situation 00:10:22.710 --> 00:10:27.029 uh use your sense of humor to break the ice to 00:10:27.029 --> 00:10:31.070 lower barriers and gain affection of others you 00:10:31.070 --> 00:10:33.029 know like my friend here i was trying to get 00:10:33.029 --> 00:10:36.580 ready to start this piece and uh For some reason, 00:10:36.679 --> 00:10:38.659 you decided to look at me with the dumbest looking 00:10:38.659 --> 00:10:42.220 face I've ever seen. By using appropriate humor, 00:10:42.399 --> 00:10:45.480 you will be perceived as more charismatic. Okay? 00:10:46.220 --> 00:10:49.899 Plus, you'll seem like a happier person. And 00:10:49.899 --> 00:10:52.419 with that being said, treat people equally. Okay? 00:10:54.100 --> 00:10:56.559 Always aim to communicate on an equal basis and 00:10:56.559 --> 00:10:58.740 avoid patronizing people. Patronizing them just 00:10:58.740 --> 00:11:03.139 irritates the hell out of them. Kind of like 00:11:03.139 --> 00:11:07.179 that whole... family guy thing where Stewie's 00:11:07.179 --> 00:11:09.480 just calling at his mom repeatedly. So she finally 00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:14.480 responds and all he says to say is, hi. Don't 00:11:14.480 --> 00:11:18.440 do that. Just don't. Don't do that. Don't talk 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:20.879 about others behind their backs. And try not 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:23.899 to develop favorites by treating people as your 00:11:23.899 --> 00:11:28.360 equal. And also equal to others. You will build 00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:31.659 trust and respect. Okay? Notice I said don't 00:11:31.659 --> 00:11:33.059 talk about people behind their back. This should 00:11:33.059 --> 00:11:35.419 be a known fact, but a lot of people don't understand 00:11:35.419 --> 00:11:38.799 that doing this hurts them, especially if they 00:11:38.799 --> 00:11:40.200 hear what you're talking about or someone else 00:11:40.200 --> 00:11:43.919 hears and goes and tells them. Check that people 00:11:43.919 --> 00:11:46.480 understand what you have said to avoid confusion 00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:48.539 and negative feelings. Encourage open and honest 00:11:48.539 --> 00:11:50.659 feedback from the receiver to ensure your message 00:11:50.659 --> 00:11:53.279 is understood and to avoid the receiver instead 00:11:53.279 --> 00:11:57.080 feeding back what they think you want to hear. 00:11:58.810 --> 00:12:02.250 If confidentiality is an issue, though, make 00:12:02.250 --> 00:12:04.450 sure its boundaries are known and ensure its 00:12:04.450 --> 00:12:08.509 maintenance, please. Otherwise, you're going 00:12:08.509 --> 00:12:10.470 to have more than just a miscommunication error. 00:12:12.129 --> 00:12:17.509 On that note, attempt to resolve conflict is 00:12:17.509 --> 00:12:25.750 required in communication. How do I put this? 00:12:26.409 --> 00:12:28.529 Learn to troubleshoot and resolve problems and 00:12:28.529 --> 00:12:31.669 conflicts as they arise. Learn to be an effective 00:12:31.669 --> 00:12:35.649 mediator and negotiator. Use your listening skills, 00:12:35.850 --> 00:12:40.269 basically. To hear and understand both sides 00:12:40.269 --> 00:12:42.889 of the argument, encourage and facilitate people 00:12:42.889 --> 00:12:45.570 to talk to each other. Try not to be biased or 00:12:45.570 --> 00:12:49.850 judgmental, but instead ease the way for conflict 00:12:49.850 --> 00:12:54.659 resolution. Oh, and on that note, do not, whatever 00:12:54.659 --> 00:12:57.960 you do, make yourself the target of their anguish. 00:12:58.139 --> 00:13:00.039 It's only going to make it worse. It may solve 00:13:00.039 --> 00:13:02.340 the problem temporarily, but eventually it will 00:13:02.340 --> 00:13:06.480 come back. That, and they may never talk to you 00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:09.720 again. So, keep that in mind. Now, like I said 00:13:09.720 --> 00:13:12.519 before, maintain a positive attitude and a smile 00:13:12.519 --> 00:13:15.240 the entire time if you can. That doesn't mean 00:13:15.240 --> 00:13:17.019 smile creepily every time you say something, 00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:18.600 because then you'll look like one of those evil 00:13:18.600 --> 00:13:21.960 villains out of an anime. That's not exactly 00:13:21.960 --> 00:13:25.500 ideal. I guarantee you. Few people want to be 00:13:25.500 --> 00:13:27.500 around someone who is frequently miserable, so 00:13:27.500 --> 00:13:29.899 keep that in mind. Do your best to be friendly, 00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:32.399 upbeat, and positive with other people. Maintain 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:34.840 a positive, cheerful attitude to life, even when 00:13:34.840 --> 00:13:39.559 it's trying to kill you. When things don't go 00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:41.600 the way you planned, stay optimistic and learn 00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:43.600 from your mistakes. If you smile often and stay 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:45.779 cheerful, people are more likely to respond positively 00:13:45.779 --> 00:13:49.779 to you. I can actually... Atone for this because 00:13:49.779 --> 00:13:52.240 I do this normally. Even when I'm having a bad 00:13:52.240 --> 00:13:55.279 day when I bowl. I still have a smile on my face. 00:13:55.340 --> 00:13:57.360 Don't get me wrong. I do get upset when I miss 00:13:57.360 --> 00:13:59.440 or things don't go the way I want. But then I'm 00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:00.919 like, you know what? I'm going to get it next 00:14:00.919 --> 00:14:05.899 time. Because, so, sure, I lose one game. What's 00:14:05.899 --> 00:14:07.980 one game when I still have another 20 to play? 00:14:08.879 --> 00:14:11.419 That means that I have 20 games to make up the 00:14:11.419 --> 00:14:14.559 difference. Now I'm trying to feel sorry for 00:14:14.559 --> 00:14:17.220 myself because if I do, the rest of my games 00:14:17.220 --> 00:14:22.259 will suffer. And that's just a life -like example. 00:14:22.440 --> 00:14:24.240 Now, that has nothing to do with conversations. 00:14:25.399 --> 00:14:28.899 However, it is a thing that would start a conversation, 00:14:29.120 --> 00:14:34.700 as I pointed out earlier. So there's that. Now, 00:14:34.759 --> 00:14:37.340 the last two things I want you to worry about. 00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:42.690 First is minimize stress. Some communication 00:14:42.690 --> 00:14:45.129 scenarios are by their nature stressful, and 00:14:45.129 --> 00:14:47.370 stress can, however, be a major barrier to effective 00:14:47.370 --> 00:14:49.950 communication. All parties should try to remain 00:14:49.950 --> 00:14:54.370 calm and focused. Now, if you haven't already, 00:14:54.529 --> 00:14:56.230 go ahead and check out my podcast on stress. 00:14:56.330 --> 00:14:58.370 That's a totally different topic in its own right, 00:14:58.490 --> 00:15:01.490 and I'm not going to cover that here. But keep 00:15:01.490 --> 00:15:03.950 in mind that minimizing stress can help improve 00:15:03.950 --> 00:15:06.330 communication. Kind of the whole point here. 00:15:06.470 --> 00:15:10.019 You see what I'm saying? Only complain when absolutely 00:15:10.019 --> 00:15:13.240 necessary. People will not be drawn to you if 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:15.700 you're constantly complaining and whining and 00:15:15.700 --> 00:15:19.759 lingering about things that just... You get what 00:15:19.759 --> 00:15:22.240 I'm saying. If something makes you angry, upset, 00:15:22.559 --> 00:15:26.340 wait for a few hours, calm down before taking 00:15:26.340 --> 00:15:29.059 any actions, or in some cases, talking to anybody. 00:15:29.799 --> 00:15:34.980 Because if you do complain, do so calmly. Okay 00:15:34.980 --> 00:15:37.360 with a right with a good mindset try to find 00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:39.500 some positive aspect to the situation and avoid 00:15:39.500 --> 00:15:42.559 giving unnecessary criticism This will help. 00:15:42.779 --> 00:15:46.720 How do I put this? This will help make you more 00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:48.779 enjoyable and people around you will want to 00:15:48.779 --> 00:15:51.679 be around and when something does go wrong They're 00:15:51.679 --> 00:15:53.899 at least willing to help you or walk you through 00:15:53.899 --> 00:15:56.980 it Rather than walk away from you and say this 00:15:56.980 --> 00:16:00.899 do his bad attitude now. I have to admit I very 00:16:01.879 --> 00:16:04.480 It does happen to me. It rarely does, but it 00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:07.179 does happen to me. And I have to always go back 00:16:07.179 --> 00:16:11.039 and apologize. No one is exempt from this. Okay? 00:16:11.139 --> 00:16:12.899 Just because you don't see it doesn't mean other 00:16:12.899 --> 00:16:16.419 people haven't seen it in you. Alright? Well, 00:16:16.519 --> 00:16:20.139 I thank you guys for listening. I thank you for 00:16:20.139 --> 00:16:22.899 always tuning into my podcast. I think you've 00:16:22.899 --> 00:16:26.539 been a wonderful audience. With that being said... 00:16:26.809 --> 00:16:29.149 That's been Thoughts If It Were You, Food for 00:16:29.149 --> 00:16:31.610 Thought. I'm your host, Neogentrix. If you like 00:16:31.610 --> 00:16:33.610 what you heard, hit that like or subscribe button. 00:16:34.230 --> 00:16:37.129 And show your love and support by subscribing 00:16:37.129 --> 00:16:39.149 to the channel. Enjoy the rest of your day.