back everybody this is food for thought thoughts
if it were you by neogentrics it is currently
midnight here and like i said we were going to
finish the communication uh set up within the
next couple of weeks um let's go let's start
it back we got a lot of stuff to cover so let's
get a move on i'm gonna be doing as many podcasts
as i can within the next couple of days some
days may have more than one i want to go ahead
and cover these topics so that everyone has something
that they can use to work And one of the first
things to keep in mind is communication. No matter
what it is you're doing, whether it is school,
sports, games, what have you. Communication is
something that must not die. So, moving along
with the topics that we are covering here, the
last thing that I covered was barriers to effective
communication. This time, now that that's out
of the way, I want to go ahead and cover giving
and receiving feedback. In life, as much as in
work, it's important to know how to provide feedback
to others effectively and constructively without
causing offense. There are many opportunities
in life for providing others with feedback. From
commenting on the way that your colleague has
carried out a task to discussing your children's
behaviors with them. Okay? Feedback is a, how
do I put this, frequently used term in communication
theory. It is worth noting that most of the stuff
I will cover is not about what might loosely
be called encouragement feedback. the, um, yes,
I'm listening type nods and uh -huhs, which you
use to tell someone that you are listening. Okay.
Keep that in mind. So this brings up the first
important question here. And I want a lot of
people to, I want you to stop and think about
this for a minute. Um, what is feedback? Okay.
Uh, and for our, for our purposes, uh, and for
the sake of this podcast, I'm going to go ahead
and define that. I'm going to give you a second
to think about it. Go ahead and pause this if
you need to. And think about that. And now I'm
going to go ahead and give you the definition.
For our purposes, for the sake of this podcast,
we'll define it as effective feedback as that
which is clearly heard, understood, and accepted.
Okay? Those who, let me see. Those that are the
areas that are within your power anyway. So you
have no control over whether the recipient chooses
to act upon your feedback. So let's put that
one aside. All right. So this brings up the next
question. How can you make sure that your feedback
is effective? You know, develop your feedback
skills. You know, there's a few rules you could
follow that would make it really effective, and
I can go ahead and cover those. You'll soon find
that you're much more effective once you use
them. So, before I go into that, like I said,
we're going to take a short break, and then we'll
come right back, okay? Alright, so moving forward
from what we have so far, I'm going to go ahead
and cover the first rule. Feedback should be
about behavior, not personality. The first and
probably the most important rule of feedback
is to remember that you are making no comment
on what type of person they are or what they
believe or value. You're only commenting on how
they behaved. Do not be tempted to discuss aspects
of personality, intelligence, or anything else,
only the behavior. With that being said, the
second thing is feedback should describe the
effect of the person's behavior on you, and only
that. After all, you do not know the effect on
anyone or anything else. You only know how it
made you feel or what you thought. Presenting
feedback as your opinion makes it much easier
for the recipient to hear and accept it. Even
if you're giving negative feedback. After all,
they have no control over how you feel any more
than they have any control over their intentions.
I'm sorry, you have any control over their intentions.
This approach is a blame -free one. How do I
put this? It makes it more acceptable, if you
will. Okay? So with that being said... Keep this
in mind. Choose your feedback language carefully.
I can't stress that enough. Useful phrases for
giving feedback include, when you did X, whatever
that is, I felt like Y. Or, I noticed that when
you said X, it made me feel da -da -da -da -da.
Or, I really like the way that you did... x and
particularly y about it okay you know and you
fill in x and y with whatever it it is um another
example would be um it made me feel really blank
uh to hear you say blank in that way okay whatever
works uh keeping negative or positive feedback
about themselves out of the way Alright. Alrighty
then. Feedback. Number three. Feedback should
be as specific as possible. Alright. Especially
when things are not going well. We all know that
it is tempting to start from a point of view
of everything you do is rubbish. Don't do that.
Please don't do that. Think about specific occasions,
specific behaviors, and point to exactly what
the person did and exactly how it made you feel.
The more specific, the better, as it is much
easier to hear about a specific occasion than
about all the time, if you catch what I'm saying.
Oh, and that brings me to the fourth point here.
Feedback should be timely. It's no good telling
someone about something that offended or pleased
you six months later. Okay? It's different if
you haven't seen them in forever, but if you
see them quite often and you're waiting really
long to tell them, that's not a good idea. Feedback
needs to be timely, which means while everyone
can still remember what the hell happened. If
you have feedback to give, then just get on with
it and just give it, okay? That doesn't mean
out thought. There's a time and a place for everything.
You still need to think about what you're going
to say and how you're going to present it. And
pick your moments. That's the fifth point. Pick
your moments. There are times when people are
feeling open to feedback and times when they
aren't. Have a look at a lot of their actions
and the way they do things. This will help you
develop your awareness of the emotions and feelings
of others more effectively if you just pay attention
to what's actually going on. This will help you
to pick the more suitable moment. For example,
an angry person won't accept... any feedback
whatsoever, even given skillfully, they'll take
it in a negative way. Wait until they've calmed
down a bit first, okay? Okay, okay, so I know
what I said just now, and I feel like I need
to take a step back real quick before I talk
about receiving feedback. Feedback doesn't just
happen in formal feedback meetings and things
of that nature, okay? Every interaction is an
opportunity for feedback in both directions.
Some of the most important feedback may happen
casually in quick interchange. For example, this
one. Overheard while two colleagues were basically
making coffee. The girl laughing said, you remind
me of my mom. Her friend says, or rather her
boss. Says, really, why? The friend goes back
and says, she gets really snappy with me when
she's stressed too. Her boss goes, oh, I'm so
sorry. Have I been snapping at you? I'm a bit
stressed, but I'll try not to do it in the future.
Thank you for telling me, and I'm sorry you needed
to. Okay? How she went about it was very pleasant
and made it really well. Okay? The girl was quite
casual. She raised a serious behavioral issue
with Jane. She, uh... made Jane realize that
she was fortunate that Mary had recognized the
behavioral pattern from a familiar situation
and drew her own conclusions to what she meant.
However, the girl, her boss anyway, also recognized
that not everyone she would ever work with would
do the same, so she made it known to her that
she thanked her for it. So with that being said,
let's move on to the next piece, receiving feedback.
It's also important to think about what skills
you need to receive, okay? Good feedback, even
negative ones, especially when it is something
you don't want to hear, and not least because
not everyone is skilled at giving feedback, okay?
Be open to the feedback, first off, okay? In
order to hear feedback, you need to listen to
it. Uh, don't think about what you're going to
say in reply. Just, you know, freaking shut your
mouth, turn your brain off if you have to, uh,
and just listen and notice the nonverbal communication
as well. Uh, listen to what your colleague is
not saying as well as what they are saying. Okay.
Um, well, I'll see that I brought that up. Uh,
I feel like I'm going to have to cover some additional
topics ahead of time, but I will. Definitely
cover them because they're going to be important.
They're important to what I'm talking about.
I'll get to them at a later date. With that being
said, I look forward to some very interesting
topics. Everything I cover is going to be something
important related to this. For example, You might
say, so when you said blank, would it be fair
to say that you meant blank and felt blank? Or,
have I understood correctly that when I did blank,
you felt blank? This shows you actually were
listening, okay? When you're able to reply in
that manner. and figure out what the problem
is. Make sure that your reflection and questions
focus on behavior, not personality. Even if the
feedback has been given at another level, you
can always return the conversation to the behavioral
side and help the person give feedback to focus
on that level only. And with this, emotional
intelligence is essential. If you don't know
what that is, go check out my podcast on it.
I did cover it once before. You need to be aware
of your emotions. Self -awareness is something
that's very important. And also be able to manage
them. This is self -control. Also, I covered
that a little bit earlier on. So if you need
a refresher, go ahead and check that out. So
that even if the feedback causes an emotional
response, you can at least control your reaction.
And finally, to close this out. Always thank
the person who has given you the feedback. They
have already seen that you have listened and
understood and now accept it. Acceptance in this
way does not mean that you need to act on it.
However, you do need to consider your feedback
and decide how, if at all. you wish to act upon
in the first place that's basically going to
be entirely up to you but remember that the person
giving the feedback felt strongly enough to bother
mentioning it to you in the first place okay
do them the courtesy of at least giving the matter
some consideration uh if nothing else with negative
feedback you want to know how not to generate
that response again okay so with that again i
thank you guys for listening this has been food
for thought thoughts fit with you by neogentrix
We'll be moving on to the next part in communication,
which is improving communication. And we'll go
from there. Enjoy the rest of your day.