WEBVTT 00:00:25.230 --> 00:00:27.210 back everybody this is food for thought thoughts 00:00:27.210 --> 00:00:30.089 if it were you by neogentrics it is currently 00:00:30.089 --> 00:00:33.609 midnight here and like i said we were going to 00:00:33.609 --> 00:00:36.390 finish the communication uh set up within the 00:00:36.390 --> 00:00:39.289 next couple of weeks um let's go let's start 00:00:39.289 --> 00:00:41.670 it back we got a lot of stuff to cover so let's 00:00:41.670 --> 00:00:43.590 get a move on i'm gonna be doing as many podcasts 00:00:43.590 --> 00:00:45.689 as i can within the next couple of days some 00:00:45.689 --> 00:00:49.130 days may have more than one i want to go ahead 00:00:49.130 --> 00:00:50.969 and cover these topics so that everyone has something 00:00:50.969 --> 00:00:55.049 that they can use to work And one of the first 00:00:55.049 --> 00:00:57.609 things to keep in mind is communication. No matter 00:00:57.609 --> 00:00:59.990 what it is you're doing, whether it is school, 00:01:00.149 --> 00:01:03.649 sports, games, what have you. Communication is 00:01:03.649 --> 00:01:07.030 something that must not die. So, moving along 00:01:07.030 --> 00:01:10.469 with the topics that we are covering here, the 00:01:10.469 --> 00:01:14.769 last thing that I covered was barriers to effective 00:01:14.769 --> 00:01:19.510 communication. This time, now that that's out 00:01:19.510 --> 00:01:22.890 of the way, I want to go ahead and cover giving 00:01:22.890 --> 00:01:28.909 and receiving feedback. In life, as much as in 00:01:28.909 --> 00:01:32.629 work, it's important to know how to provide feedback 00:01:32.629 --> 00:01:35.650 to others effectively and constructively without 00:01:35.650 --> 00:01:39.030 causing offense. There are many opportunities 00:01:39.030 --> 00:01:44.950 in life for providing others with feedback. From 00:01:44.950 --> 00:01:47.209 commenting on the way that your colleague has 00:01:47.209 --> 00:01:50.560 carried out a task to discussing your children's 00:01:50.560 --> 00:01:59.700 behaviors with them. Okay? Feedback is a, how 00:01:59.700 --> 00:02:03.239 do I put this, frequently used term in communication 00:02:03.239 --> 00:02:08.280 theory. It is worth noting that most of the stuff 00:02:08.280 --> 00:02:13.300 I will cover is not about what might loosely 00:02:13.300 --> 00:02:18.659 be called encouragement feedback. the, um, yes, 00:02:18.780 --> 00:02:23.340 I'm listening type nods and uh -huhs, which you 00:02:23.340 --> 00:02:25.780 use to tell someone that you are listening. Okay. 00:02:26.139 --> 00:02:30.120 Keep that in mind. So this brings up the first 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:32.060 important question here. And I want a lot of 00:02:32.060 --> 00:02:33.520 people to, I want you to stop and think about 00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:36.599 this for a minute. Um, what is feedback? Okay. 00:02:37.340 --> 00:02:44.340 Uh, and for our, for our purposes, uh, and for 00:02:44.340 --> 00:02:47.300 the sake of this podcast, I'm going to go ahead 00:02:47.300 --> 00:02:49.099 and define that. I'm going to give you a second 00:02:49.099 --> 00:02:51.000 to think about it. Go ahead and pause this if 00:02:51.000 --> 00:03:03.780 you need to. And think about that. And now I'm 00:03:03.780 --> 00:03:04.759 going to go ahead and give you the definition. 00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:07.099 For our purposes, for the sake of this podcast, 00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:10.860 we'll define it as effective feedback as that 00:03:10.860 --> 00:03:14.219 which is clearly heard, understood, and accepted. 00:03:14.360 --> 00:03:18.699 Okay? Those who, let me see. Those that are the 00:03:18.699 --> 00:03:22.460 areas that are within your power anyway. So you 00:03:22.460 --> 00:03:24.960 have no control over whether the recipient chooses 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:27.520 to act upon your feedback. So let's put that 00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:30.900 one aside. All right. So this brings up the next 00:03:30.900 --> 00:03:33.740 question. How can you make sure that your feedback 00:03:33.740 --> 00:03:41.599 is effective? You know, develop your feedback 00:03:41.599 --> 00:03:43.900 skills. You know, there's a few rules you could 00:03:43.900 --> 00:03:45.979 follow that would make it really effective, and 00:03:45.979 --> 00:03:49.379 I can go ahead and cover those. You'll soon find 00:03:49.379 --> 00:03:52.319 that you're much more effective once you use 00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:55.840 them. So, before I go into that, like I said, 00:03:55.879 --> 00:03:58.460 we're going to take a short break, and then we'll 00:03:58.460 --> 00:04:18.930 come right back, okay? Alright, so moving forward 00:04:18.930 --> 00:04:21.689 from what we have so far, I'm going to go ahead 00:04:21.689 --> 00:04:24.529 and cover the first rule. Feedback should be 00:04:24.529 --> 00:04:29.209 about behavior, not personality. The first and 00:04:29.209 --> 00:04:30.870 probably the most important rule of feedback 00:04:30.870 --> 00:04:33.610 is to remember that you are making no comment 00:04:33.610 --> 00:04:36.089 on what type of person they are or what they 00:04:36.089 --> 00:04:38.810 believe or value. You're only commenting on how 00:04:38.810 --> 00:04:43.009 they behaved. Do not be tempted to discuss aspects 00:04:43.009 --> 00:04:45.529 of personality, intelligence, or anything else, 00:04:45.569 --> 00:04:49.569 only the behavior. With that being said, the 00:04:49.569 --> 00:04:52.050 second thing is feedback should describe the 00:04:52.050 --> 00:04:54.910 effect of the person's behavior on you, and only 00:04:54.910 --> 00:04:58.470 that. After all, you do not know the effect on 00:04:58.470 --> 00:05:03.189 anyone or anything else. You only know how it 00:05:03.189 --> 00:05:06.009 made you feel or what you thought. Presenting 00:05:06.009 --> 00:05:07.990 feedback as your opinion makes it much easier 00:05:07.990 --> 00:05:11.120 for the recipient to hear and accept it. Even 00:05:11.120 --> 00:05:13.139 if you're giving negative feedback. After all, 00:05:13.180 --> 00:05:16.439 they have no control over how you feel any more 00:05:16.439 --> 00:05:18.939 than they have any control over their intentions. 00:05:19.639 --> 00:05:22.980 I'm sorry, you have any control over their intentions. 00:05:23.660 --> 00:05:27.779 This approach is a blame -free one. How do I 00:05:27.779 --> 00:05:32.980 put this? It makes it more acceptable, if you 00:05:32.980 --> 00:05:37.290 will. Okay? So with that being said... Keep this 00:05:37.290 --> 00:05:40.730 in mind. Choose your feedback language carefully. 00:05:41.610 --> 00:05:44.930 I can't stress that enough. Useful phrases for 00:05:44.930 --> 00:05:50.129 giving feedback include, when you did X, whatever 00:05:50.129 --> 00:05:56.230 that is, I felt like Y. Or, I noticed that when 00:05:56.230 --> 00:06:01.670 you said X, it made me feel da -da -da -da -da. 00:06:02.209 --> 00:06:06.939 Or, I really like the way that you did... x and 00:06:06.939 --> 00:06:12.420 particularly y about it okay you know and you 00:06:12.420 --> 00:06:18.100 fill in x and y with whatever it it is um another 00:06:18.100 --> 00:06:21.639 example would be um it made me feel really blank 00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:26.079 uh to hear you say blank in that way okay whatever 00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:30.240 works uh keeping negative or positive feedback 00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:37.439 about themselves out of the way Alright. Alrighty 00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:43.819 then. Feedback. Number three. Feedback should 00:06:43.819 --> 00:06:52.759 be as specific as possible. Alright. Especially 00:06:52.759 --> 00:06:55.019 when things are not going well. We all know that 00:06:55.019 --> 00:06:57.019 it is tempting to start from a point of view 00:06:57.019 --> 00:07:01.199 of everything you do is rubbish. Don't do that. 00:07:01.259 --> 00:07:04.639 Please don't do that. Think about specific occasions, 00:07:04.699 --> 00:07:07.199 specific behaviors, and point to exactly what 00:07:07.199 --> 00:07:09.600 the person did and exactly how it made you feel. 00:07:09.680 --> 00:07:12.360 The more specific, the better, as it is much 00:07:12.360 --> 00:07:16.459 easier to hear about a specific occasion than 00:07:16.459 --> 00:07:19.839 about all the time, if you catch what I'm saying. 00:07:20.220 --> 00:07:22.899 Oh, and that brings me to the fourth point here. 00:07:23.540 --> 00:07:27.040 Feedback should be timely. It's no good telling 00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:30.259 someone about something that offended or pleased 00:07:30.259 --> 00:07:35.740 you six months later. Okay? It's different if 00:07:35.740 --> 00:07:38.060 you haven't seen them in forever, but if you 00:07:38.060 --> 00:07:39.740 see them quite often and you're waiting really 00:07:39.740 --> 00:07:42.220 long to tell them, that's not a good idea. Feedback 00:07:42.220 --> 00:07:44.899 needs to be timely, which means while everyone 00:07:44.899 --> 00:07:48.620 can still remember what the hell happened. If 00:07:48.620 --> 00:07:52.019 you have feedback to give, then just get on with 00:07:52.019 --> 00:07:54.279 it and just give it, okay? That doesn't mean 00:07:54.279 --> 00:07:57.019 out thought. There's a time and a place for everything. 00:07:57.279 --> 00:07:59.019 You still need to think about what you're going 00:07:59.019 --> 00:08:03.560 to say and how you're going to present it. And 00:08:03.560 --> 00:08:06.839 pick your moments. That's the fifth point. Pick 00:08:06.839 --> 00:08:08.899 your moments. There are times when people are 00:08:08.899 --> 00:08:10.779 feeling open to feedback and times when they 00:08:10.779 --> 00:08:15.120 aren't. Have a look at a lot of their actions 00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:17.819 and the way they do things. This will help you 00:08:17.819 --> 00:08:19.800 develop your awareness of the emotions and feelings 00:08:19.800 --> 00:08:22.319 of others more effectively if you just pay attention 00:08:22.319 --> 00:08:25.379 to what's actually going on. This will help you 00:08:25.379 --> 00:08:27.600 to pick the more suitable moment. For example, 00:08:27.680 --> 00:08:30.569 an angry person won't accept... any feedback 00:08:30.569 --> 00:08:33.990 whatsoever, even given skillfully, they'll take 00:08:33.990 --> 00:08:36.529 it in a negative way. Wait until they've calmed 00:08:36.529 --> 00:08:50.529 down a bit first, okay? Okay, okay, so I know 00:08:50.529 --> 00:08:52.570 what I said just now, and I feel like I need 00:08:52.570 --> 00:08:54.210 to take a step back real quick before I talk 00:08:54.210 --> 00:08:58.340 about receiving feedback. Feedback doesn't just 00:08:58.340 --> 00:09:01.299 happen in formal feedback meetings and things 00:09:01.299 --> 00:09:04.320 of that nature, okay? Every interaction is an 00:09:04.320 --> 00:09:06.159 opportunity for feedback in both directions. 00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:08.799 Some of the most important feedback may happen 00:09:08.799 --> 00:09:12.600 casually in quick interchange. For example, this 00:09:12.600 --> 00:09:17.059 one. Overheard while two colleagues were basically 00:09:17.059 --> 00:09:21.679 making coffee. The girl laughing said, you remind 00:09:21.679 --> 00:09:25.039 me of my mom. Her friend says, or rather her 00:09:25.039 --> 00:09:28.340 boss. Says, really, why? The friend goes back 00:09:28.340 --> 00:09:31.120 and says, she gets really snappy with me when 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:34.279 she's stressed too. Her boss goes, oh, I'm so 00:09:34.279 --> 00:09:38.460 sorry. Have I been snapping at you? I'm a bit 00:09:38.460 --> 00:09:40.759 stressed, but I'll try not to do it in the future. 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:43.259 Thank you for telling me, and I'm sorry you needed 00:09:43.259 --> 00:09:46.860 to. Okay? How she went about it was very pleasant 00:09:46.860 --> 00:09:51.000 and made it really well. Okay? The girl was quite 00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:53.399 casual. She raised a serious behavioral issue 00:09:53.399 --> 00:09:56.600 with Jane. She, uh... made Jane realize that 00:09:56.600 --> 00:09:59.220 she was fortunate that Mary had recognized the 00:09:59.220 --> 00:10:03.779 behavioral pattern from a familiar situation 00:10:03.779 --> 00:10:07.519 and drew her own conclusions to what she meant. 00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:14.399 However, the girl, her boss anyway, also recognized 00:10:14.399 --> 00:10:17.379 that not everyone she would ever work with would 00:10:17.379 --> 00:10:21.039 do the same, so she made it known to her that 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:26.960 she thanked her for it. So with that being said, 00:10:27.179 --> 00:10:30.659 let's move on to the next piece, receiving feedback. 00:10:31.340 --> 00:10:33.700 It's also important to think about what skills 00:10:33.700 --> 00:10:37.559 you need to receive, okay? Good feedback, even 00:10:37.559 --> 00:10:40.860 negative ones, especially when it is something 00:10:40.860 --> 00:10:44.480 you don't want to hear, and not least because 00:10:44.480 --> 00:10:47.240 not everyone is skilled at giving feedback, okay? 00:10:47.419 --> 00:10:51.080 Be open to the feedback, first off, okay? In 00:10:51.080 --> 00:10:53.059 order to hear feedback, you need to listen to 00:10:53.059 --> 00:10:56.059 it. Uh, don't think about what you're going to 00:10:56.059 --> 00:10:58.759 say in reply. Just, you know, freaking shut your 00:10:58.759 --> 00:11:01.159 mouth, turn your brain off if you have to, uh, 00:11:01.259 --> 00:11:04.480 and just listen and notice the nonverbal communication 00:11:04.480 --> 00:11:06.860 as well. Uh, listen to what your colleague is 00:11:06.860 --> 00:11:09.779 not saying as well as what they are saying. Okay. 00:11:10.480 --> 00:11:15.259 Um, well, I'll see that I brought that up. Uh, 00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:17.779 I feel like I'm going to have to cover some additional 00:11:17.779 --> 00:11:21.179 topics ahead of time, but I will. Definitely 00:11:21.179 --> 00:11:22.580 cover them because they're going to be important. 00:11:22.659 --> 00:11:23.940 They're important to what I'm talking about. 00:11:27.379 --> 00:11:31.360 I'll get to them at a later date. With that being 00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:34.500 said, I look forward to some very interesting 00:11:34.500 --> 00:11:43.039 topics. Everything I cover is going to be something 00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:50.409 important related to this. For example, You might 00:11:50.409 --> 00:11:55.809 say, so when you said blank, would it be fair 00:11:55.809 --> 00:12:00.549 to say that you meant blank and felt blank? Or, 00:12:00.730 --> 00:12:05.929 have I understood correctly that when I did blank, 00:12:06.190 --> 00:12:10.009 you felt blank? This shows you actually were 00:12:10.009 --> 00:12:12.690 listening, okay? When you're able to reply in 00:12:12.690 --> 00:12:14.720 that manner. and figure out what the problem 00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:17.120 is. Make sure that your reflection and questions 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:20.860 focus on behavior, not personality. Even if the 00:12:20.860 --> 00:12:23.220 feedback has been given at another level, you 00:12:23.220 --> 00:12:25.120 can always return the conversation to the behavioral 00:12:25.120 --> 00:12:27.659 side and help the person give feedback to focus 00:12:27.659 --> 00:12:31.639 on that level only. And with this, emotional 00:12:31.639 --> 00:12:35.460 intelligence is essential. If you don't know 00:12:35.460 --> 00:12:37.340 what that is, go check out my podcast on it. 00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:40.360 I did cover it once before. You need to be aware 00:12:40.360 --> 00:12:44.330 of your emotions. Self -awareness is something 00:12:44.330 --> 00:12:46.429 that's very important. And also be able to manage 00:12:46.429 --> 00:12:50.409 them. This is self -control. Also, I covered 00:12:50.409 --> 00:12:52.450 that a little bit earlier on. So if you need 00:12:52.450 --> 00:12:55.409 a refresher, go ahead and check that out. So 00:12:55.409 --> 00:12:59.809 that even if the feedback causes an emotional 00:12:59.809 --> 00:13:02.149 response, you can at least control your reaction. 00:13:02.470 --> 00:13:07.279 And finally, to close this out. Always thank 00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:09.559 the person who has given you the feedback. They 00:13:09.559 --> 00:13:11.820 have already seen that you have listened and 00:13:11.820 --> 00:13:17.200 understood and now accept it. Acceptance in this 00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:19.840 way does not mean that you need to act on it. 00:13:19.860 --> 00:13:22.279 However, you do need to consider your feedback 00:13:22.279 --> 00:13:26.169 and decide how, if at all. you wish to act upon 00:13:26.169 --> 00:13:28.070 in the first place that's basically going to 00:13:28.070 --> 00:13:30.529 be entirely up to you but remember that the person 00:13:30.529 --> 00:13:32.990 giving the feedback felt strongly enough to bother 00:13:32.990 --> 00:13:35.669 mentioning it to you in the first place okay 00:13:35.669 --> 00:13:37.509 do them the courtesy of at least giving the matter 00:13:37.509 --> 00:13:40.509 some consideration uh if nothing else with negative 00:13:40.509 --> 00:13:43.110 feedback you want to know how not to generate 00:13:43.110 --> 00:13:46.950 that response again okay so with that again i 00:13:46.950 --> 00:13:48.929 thank you guys for listening this has been food 00:13:48.929 --> 00:13:51.309 for thought thoughts fit with you by neogentrix 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:55.639 We'll be moving on to the next part in communication, 00:13:55.919 --> 00:13:59.879 which is improving communication. And we'll go 00:13:59.879 --> 00:14:01.879 from there. Enjoy the rest of your day.