WEBVTT 00:01:27.469 --> 00:01:29.810 welcome back everybody this is food for thought 00:01:29.810 --> 00:01:32.709 thoughts if it were you by neogentrics how are 00:01:32.709 --> 00:01:35.969 you guys doing this evening it is currently 2 00:01:35.969 --> 00:01:40.209 30 in the morning and i couldn't leave it off 00:01:40.209 --> 00:01:42.989 another day so i figured i'd get back in the 00:01:42.989 --> 00:01:46.469 game have us give up another episode here on 00:01:46.469 --> 00:01:50.409 the topics at hand that i have to cover now don't 00:01:50.409 --> 00:01:52.409 get me wrong there are a lot of other stuff that 00:01:52.409 --> 00:01:55.189 i would love to cover but not everything can 00:01:55.189 --> 00:02:00.909 be done All at once. Okay? So. We're going to 00:02:00.909 --> 00:02:03.510 pick up with assertiveness. Those tips and tricks. 00:02:04.150 --> 00:02:10.409 Techniques I mentioned before. Alright? So. First 00:02:10.409 --> 00:02:13.710 things first. Like I mentioned before. Being 00:02:13.710 --> 00:02:16.610 assertive can help us to feel better about ourselves. 00:02:16.909 --> 00:02:19.229 Improving self -esteem and personal confidence. 00:02:19.449 --> 00:02:23.689 Obviously. Sometimes. The way we react and respond 00:02:23.689 --> 00:02:27.889 to others. can make us feel inadequate or even 00:02:27.889 --> 00:02:33.770 guilty, sometimes regretful. These may be signs 00:02:33.770 --> 00:02:36.810 of passive behavior. We may also feel angry and 00:02:36.810 --> 00:02:39.409 critical of others during conversations. This 00:02:39.409 --> 00:02:41.530 may be a sign of more aggressive behavior, but 00:02:41.530 --> 00:02:43.590 there's really nothing to worry about, okay? 00:02:46.090 --> 00:02:48.050 So, let's start off with the general techniques 00:02:48.050 --> 00:02:51.909 of assertiveness, okay? Two techniques that can 00:02:51.909 --> 00:02:55.319 aid assertiveness are known as fogging and the 00:02:55.319 --> 00:03:00.319 stuck record technique. First things first. Fogging. 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:05.879 How do I put this? It's a useful technique if 00:03:05.879 --> 00:03:08.439 people are behaving in a manipulative or aggressive 00:03:08.439 --> 00:03:13.800 way. Rather than arguing back, fogging aims to 00:03:13.800 --> 00:03:17.680 give a minimum calm response using terms that 00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:23.439 are placating but not defensive while At the 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:26.020 same time, they're not agreeing to meet the demands, 00:03:26.219 --> 00:03:29.379 you know? It involves agreeing with any truth 00:03:29.379 --> 00:03:31.560 that may be contained within the statements, 00:03:31.620 --> 00:03:34.419 even if critical, but not responding in the expected 00:03:34.419 --> 00:03:37.800 way that the person wants. In other words, by 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:39.860 being defensive and argumentative at the same 00:03:39.860 --> 00:03:42.819 time. The other person will cease confrontation 00:03:42.819 --> 00:03:45.419 as the desired effect is not being achieved, 00:03:45.659 --> 00:03:48.539 while the atmosphere is less heated and it would 00:03:48.539 --> 00:03:50.800 be possible to discuss the issues more reasonably. 00:03:51.840 --> 00:03:55.000 Fogging is basically termed because the individual 00:03:55.000 --> 00:03:57.759 acts like a wall of fog into which arguments 00:03:57.759 --> 00:04:02.580 are thrown but never returned back. Here's an 00:04:02.580 --> 00:04:06.680 example. What time do you call this? You're nearly 00:04:06.680 --> 00:04:08.879 half an hour late and I'm fed up with you letting 00:04:08.879 --> 00:04:12.479 me down all the time. A fogging response would 00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:16.379 be, Yes, I am later than I hope to be and I can 00:04:16.379 --> 00:04:19.160 see this has annoyed you. The person replies, 00:04:19.740 --> 00:04:23.170 Annoyed? Of course I'm annoyed. I've been waiting 00:04:23.170 --> 00:04:25.389 for ages. You really should try to think about 00:04:25.389 --> 00:04:29.389 other people a bit more. The person with the 00:04:29.389 --> 00:04:33.689 fogging response replies back, Yes, I was concerned 00:04:33.689 --> 00:04:35.930 that you would be left waiting for almost half 00:04:35.930 --> 00:04:41.050 an hour. And then they respond back, Well, why 00:04:41.050 --> 00:04:44.990 were you late? This is just a typical response, 00:04:45.310 --> 00:04:48.129 but in a basic, I guess you could say generic 00:04:48.129 --> 00:04:50.800 one, but It gives a good idea as to what fogging 00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:59.060 is. Alright, now that we've taken a short break, 00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:03.060 let's get back into it. So, I covered fogging. 00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:06.040 The next technique is the stuck record technique. 00:05:06.740 --> 00:05:10.839 The stuck record technique employs the key assertive 00:05:10.839 --> 00:05:15.639 skills of calm persistence. It involves repeating 00:05:15.639 --> 00:05:18.759 what you want time and time again without raising 00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:21.500 the tone of your voice, becoming angry, irritated, 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:26.660 or involved in side issues. Now, I'm going to 00:05:26.660 --> 00:05:29.939 give a quick example of that. An example would 00:05:29.939 --> 00:05:31.420 be, imagine that you are returning something 00:05:31.420 --> 00:05:34.480 that is faulty to the store. The conversation 00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:39.660 may go as follows. The person replies, I bought 00:05:39.660 --> 00:05:41.779 these shoes last week and the heels have fallen 00:05:41.779 --> 00:05:45.120 off. I would like a refund, please. The clerk 00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:48.560 will then look at the person and reply, I'm sorry, 00:05:48.680 --> 00:05:52.180 it looks like they've been worn a lot. These 00:05:52.180 --> 00:05:54.279 shoes were only designed for occasional wear. 00:05:56.279 --> 00:06:00.060 Using the stuck record technique response, you 00:06:00.060 --> 00:06:02.879 can find a way to calmly resolve the situation, 00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:06.079 even if it means you still can't get the customer 00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:07.980 to keep the shoes and have to return it anyway. 00:06:08.740 --> 00:06:11.839 So, with that being said, we'll continue with 00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:14.279 the example. The customer replies, I've only 00:06:14.279 --> 00:06:16.480 had them a week and they are faulty. I would 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:19.839 like a refund, please. However, the person would 00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:22.500 say, you can't expect me to give you your money 00:06:22.500 --> 00:06:26.079 back after you've worn them out. This is using 00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:30.399 the stuck record technique. The person then replies, 00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:33.939 the heels have fallen off after only a week and 00:06:33.939 --> 00:06:37.660 I would like a refund, please. You're basically 00:06:37.660 --> 00:06:40.079 sticking to what you were saying over and over 00:06:40.079 --> 00:06:44.439 again until the person gives out. Continually 00:06:44.439 --> 00:06:46.360 repeating a request will ensure the discussion 00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:49.240 does not become sidetracked and involved in an 00:06:49.240 --> 00:06:53.680 irrelevant argument. The key is to stay calm. 00:06:53.779 --> 00:06:56.600 Be very, very calm in what you want. Stick to 00:06:56.600 --> 00:06:59.939 the point and not give up. Accept a compromise 00:06:59.939 --> 00:07:03.300 only if you are happy with the outcome. Next 00:07:03.300 --> 00:07:08.500 would be positive and negative inquiries. A positive 00:07:08.500 --> 00:07:11.680 inquiry is a simpler technique for handling positive 00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:14.660 comments such as praise and compliments, okay? 00:07:15.259 --> 00:07:18.040 People often struggle with responding to praise 00:07:18.040 --> 00:07:20.100 and compliments, especially those with lower 00:07:20.100 --> 00:07:22.560 self -esteem, as they may feel inadequate or 00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:25.279 that the positive comments are not justified. 00:07:25.339 --> 00:07:27.439 It is important to give positive feedback to 00:07:27.439 --> 00:07:31.459 others when appropriate, but also to react appropriately 00:07:31.459 --> 00:07:34.800 to positive feedback that you receive, okay? 00:07:35.819 --> 00:07:39.459 A positive inquiries is used to find out more 00:07:39.459 --> 00:07:41.519 details about the compliment or praise given 00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:45.459 and then agree with it. Like, say, the sender 00:07:45.459 --> 00:07:47.560 sends you something like, you made an excellent 00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:50.339 meal tonight. It was delicious. The receiver 00:07:50.339 --> 00:07:53.139 would then say, thanks. Yes, it was good. What 00:07:53.139 --> 00:07:56.680 do you like about it in particular? This is different 00:07:56.680 --> 00:07:59.699 from a passive response that may have been, it 00:07:59.699 --> 00:08:03.360 was no effort. It was just a standard recipe. 00:08:05.079 --> 00:08:07.120 I know a lot of people won't exactly say this, 00:08:07.319 --> 00:08:12.300 but it's still out there in case people do. Okay? 00:08:13.639 --> 00:08:20.600 Next would be the negative inquiries. Okay? The 00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:24.620 opposite of positive inquiry is a negative one. 00:08:25.540 --> 00:08:28.019 The negative is a way to respond in a more negative 00:08:28.019 --> 00:08:31.329 exchange, such as receiving criticism. And dealing 00:08:31.329 --> 00:08:33.509 with criticism can be difficult, as I mentioned 00:08:33.509 --> 00:08:40.929 in one of my previous podcasts. So is to remember 00:08:40.929 --> 00:08:43.149 that any criticism received is just somebody 00:08:43.149 --> 00:08:46.309 else's opinion. This is not how you actually 00:08:46.309 --> 00:08:50.870 consider yourself to be. And with that being 00:08:50.870 --> 00:08:54.220 said, it's used to find out more. Negative inquiry 00:08:54.220 --> 00:08:56.279 is basically used to find out more about critical 00:08:56.279 --> 00:08:58.580 comments, and is a good alternative to a more 00:08:58.580 --> 00:09:01.679 aggressive or angry response to criticism. Okay? 00:09:02.679 --> 00:09:05.639 So let's say the sender says, That meal was practically 00:09:05.639 --> 00:09:07.799 inedible. I can't remember the last time I ate 00:09:07.799 --> 00:09:11.419 something so awful. The receiver would then reply 00:09:11.419 --> 00:09:14.860 back, It wasn't the best, exactly. What didn't 00:09:14.860 --> 00:09:17.679 you like about it? This is different from an 00:09:17.679 --> 00:09:20.639 aggressive response, as it may have been. Possibly 00:09:20.639 --> 00:09:25.220 a bad, you know... taste in their mouth uh how 00:09:25.220 --> 00:09:27.720 dare you i spent all afternoon preparing that 00:09:27.720 --> 00:09:31.100 meal or well that's the last time i cook for 00:09:31.100 --> 00:09:34.659 you typical responses like this only to end up 00:09:34.659 --> 00:09:37.039 aggravating both parties and then intentionally 00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:39.700 or unintentionally ending either friendships 00:09:39.700 --> 00:09:42.460 or a lot of issues with regret in their heart 00:09:42.460 --> 00:09:45.399 or anguish the whole point of this is to completely 00:09:45.399 --> 00:09:50.049 avoid all of that okay So with that being said, 00:09:50.090 --> 00:09:54.029 to close this podcast out, learn to think about 00:09:54.029 --> 00:09:57.250 your responses and how you behave when you communicate 00:09:57.250 --> 00:09:59.730 with others. By using techniques designed to 00:09:59.730 --> 00:10:01.870 make you more assertive, you'll find that your 00:10:01.870 --> 00:10:04.669 communication and other interpersonal interactions 00:10:04.669 --> 00:10:09.210 are generally just more positive. With that being 00:10:09.210 --> 00:10:11.990 said, look forward to our next podcast next time. 00:10:12.070 --> 00:10:15.870 It won't be this short, but we should get a good 00:10:15.870 --> 00:10:18.789 handle on everything. No worries, okay? Again, 00:10:18.850 --> 00:10:24.889 my name is Jay... What was I about to say? Oh, 00:10:24.889 --> 00:10:28.409 right. My name is Neogentrix, and this is Food 00:10:28.409 --> 00:10:31.330 for Thought, Thoughts If It Were You. Oh, if 00:10:31.330 --> 00:10:33.409 you like what I do and you want to support me, 00:10:33.470 --> 00:10:35.490 feel free to support me on my Anchor page, anchor 00:10:35.490 --> 00:10:39.090 .fm forward slash neogentrix, or on my Facebook 00:10:39.090 --> 00:10:41.769 and Twitter page. Have a great rest of your day.