welcome back everybody this is food for thought
thoughts if it were you by neogentrics how are
you guys doing this evening it is currently 2
30 in the morning and i couldn't leave it off
another day so i figured i'd get back in the
game have us give up another episode here on
the topics at hand that i have to cover now don't
get me wrong there are a lot of other stuff that
i would love to cover but not everything can
be done All at once. Okay? So. We're going to
pick up with assertiveness. Those tips and tricks.
Techniques I mentioned before. Alright? So. First
things first. Like I mentioned before. Being
assertive can help us to feel better about ourselves.
Improving self -esteem and personal confidence.
Obviously. Sometimes. The way we react and respond
to others. can make us feel inadequate or even
guilty, sometimes regretful. These may be signs
of passive behavior. We may also feel angry and
critical of others during conversations. This
may be a sign of more aggressive behavior, but
there's really nothing to worry about, okay?
So, let's start off with the general techniques
of assertiveness, okay? Two techniques that can
aid assertiveness are known as fogging and the
stuck record technique. First things first. Fogging.
How do I put this? It's a useful technique if
people are behaving in a manipulative or aggressive
way. Rather than arguing back, fogging aims to
give a minimum calm response using terms that
are placating but not defensive while At the
same time, they're not agreeing to meet the demands,
you know? It involves agreeing with any truth
that may be contained within the statements,
even if critical, but not responding in the expected
way that the person wants. In other words, by
being defensive and argumentative at the same
time. The other person will cease confrontation
as the desired effect is not being achieved,
while the atmosphere is less heated and it would
be possible to discuss the issues more reasonably.
Fogging is basically termed because the individual
acts like a wall of fog into which arguments
are thrown but never returned back. Here's an
example. What time do you call this? You're nearly
half an hour late and I'm fed up with you letting
me down all the time. A fogging response would
be, Yes, I am later than I hope to be and I can
see this has annoyed you. The person replies,
Annoyed? Of course I'm annoyed. I've been waiting
for ages. You really should try to think about
other people a bit more. The person with the
fogging response replies back, Yes, I was concerned
that you would be left waiting for almost half
an hour. And then they respond back, Well, why
were you late? This is just a typical response,
but in a basic, I guess you could say generic
one, but It gives a good idea as to what fogging
is. Alright, now that we've taken a short break,
let's get back into it. So, I covered fogging.
The next technique is the stuck record technique.
The stuck record technique employs the key assertive
skills of calm persistence. It involves repeating
what you want time and time again without raising
the tone of your voice, becoming angry, irritated,
or involved in side issues. Now, I'm going to
give a quick example of that. An example would
be, imagine that you are returning something
that is faulty to the store. The conversation
may go as follows. The person replies, I bought
these shoes last week and the heels have fallen
off. I would like a refund, please. The clerk
will then look at the person and reply, I'm sorry,
it looks like they've been worn a lot. These
shoes were only designed for occasional wear.
Using the stuck record technique response, you
can find a way to calmly resolve the situation,
even if it means you still can't get the customer
to keep the shoes and have to return it anyway.
So, with that being said, we'll continue with
the example. The customer replies, I've only
had them a week and they are faulty. I would
like a refund, please. However, the person would
say, you can't expect me to give you your money
back after you've worn them out. This is using
the stuck record technique. The person then replies,
the heels have fallen off after only a week and
I would like a refund, please. You're basically
sticking to what you were saying over and over
again until the person gives out. Continually
repeating a request will ensure the discussion
does not become sidetracked and involved in an
irrelevant argument. The key is to stay calm.
Be very, very calm in what you want. Stick to
the point and not give up. Accept a compromise
only if you are happy with the outcome. Next
would be positive and negative inquiries. A positive
inquiry is a simpler technique for handling positive
comments such as praise and compliments, okay?
People often struggle with responding to praise
and compliments, especially those with lower
self -esteem, as they may feel inadequate or
that the positive comments are not justified.
It is important to give positive feedback to
others when appropriate, but also to react appropriately
to positive feedback that you receive, okay?
A positive inquiries is used to find out more
details about the compliment or praise given
and then agree with it. Like, say, the sender
sends you something like, you made an excellent
meal tonight. It was delicious. The receiver
would then say, thanks. Yes, it was good. What
do you like about it in particular? This is different
from a passive response that may have been, it
was no effort. It was just a standard recipe.
I know a lot of people won't exactly say this,
but it's still out there in case people do. Okay?
Next would be the negative inquiries. Okay? The
opposite of positive inquiry is a negative one.
The negative is a way to respond in a more negative
exchange, such as receiving criticism. And dealing
with criticism can be difficult, as I mentioned
in one of my previous podcasts. So is to remember
that any criticism received is just somebody
else's opinion. This is not how you actually
consider yourself to be. And with that being
said, it's used to find out more. Negative inquiry
is basically used to find out more about critical
comments, and is a good alternative to a more
aggressive or angry response to criticism. Okay?
So let's say the sender says, That meal was practically
inedible. I can't remember the last time I ate
something so awful. The receiver would then reply
back, It wasn't the best, exactly. What didn't
you like about it? This is different from an
aggressive response, as it may have been. Possibly
a bad, you know... taste in their mouth uh how
dare you i spent all afternoon preparing that
meal or well that's the last time i cook for
you typical responses like this only to end up
aggravating both parties and then intentionally
or unintentionally ending either friendships
or a lot of issues with regret in their heart
or anguish the whole point of this is to completely
avoid all of that okay So with that being said,
to close this podcast out, learn to think about
your responses and how you behave when you communicate
with others. By using techniques designed to
make you more assertive, you'll find that your
communication and other interpersonal interactions
are generally just more positive. With that being
said, look forward to our next podcast next time.
It won't be this short, but we should get a good
handle on everything. No worries, okay? Again,
my name is Jay... What was I about to say? Oh,
right. My name is Neogentrix, and this is Food
for Thought, Thoughts If It Were You. Oh, if
you like what I do and you want to support me,
feel free to support me on my Anchor page, anchor
.fm forward slash neogentrix, or on my Facebook
and Twitter page. Have a great rest of your day.