WEBVTT 00:00:21.150 --> 00:00:24.469 Welcome back to Food for Thoughts, if it were 00:00:24.469 --> 00:00:28.809 you, by Neogentrics. Questions, answers, issues, 00:00:29.170 --> 00:00:31.870 people, things that we have to consider, stuff 00:00:31.870 --> 00:00:34.670 that actually happens. This brings up an exciting 00:00:34.670 --> 00:00:38.070 topic. Not so really, it's not so much. Basically, 00:00:38.070 --> 00:00:40.829 it's on assertiveness in specific types of situations. 00:00:41.509 --> 00:00:44.869 So with that, I basically say this. What are 00:00:44.869 --> 00:00:47.670 your demands, your criticisms, and your compliments? 00:00:47.729 --> 00:00:54.369 Keep this in mind. Okay? Those three areas, those 00:00:54.369 --> 00:00:59.009 three things, okay? There are three particular 00:00:59.009 --> 00:01:01.630 situations where assertive behavior is called 00:01:01.630 --> 00:01:05.790 for, but may be particularly difficult to use, 00:01:05.950 --> 00:01:11.489 okay? These are when you're called up to deal 00:01:11.489 --> 00:01:15.579 with demands, especially unreasonable ones. or 00:01:15.579 --> 00:01:18.579 criticism or to give or receive a compliment 00:01:18.579 --> 00:01:21.040 from somebody you know things of that nature 00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:23.519 all these situations may make you feel uncomfortable 00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:25.599 often because you are dealing with a situation 00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:29.400 where your own and others wishes may be mutually 00:01:29.400 --> 00:01:34.120 exclusive however this is exactly the time at 00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:36.459 which assertiveness is most important so with 00:01:36.459 --> 00:01:38.159 that being said we're going to pick up where 00:01:38.159 --> 00:01:40.299 i left off we're going to continue talking about 00:01:40.299 --> 00:01:43.319 assertiveness today and then we'll move on okay 00:01:43.319 --> 00:01:48.329 so On that note, let's talk about dealing with 00:01:48.329 --> 00:01:53.030 demands. Dealing with unacceptable demands can 00:01:53.030 --> 00:01:56.310 be a daunting experience, and having the courage 00:01:56.310 --> 00:01:59.670 to be assertive in such circumstances is not 00:01:59.670 --> 00:02:02.909 easy for some people. It must always be acknowledged 00:02:02.909 --> 00:02:06.170 that everyone has the right not to fulfill a 00:02:06.170 --> 00:02:08.669 demand. You have the right to say no. You don't 00:02:08.669 --> 00:02:12.069 have to always say yes. When faced with a demand, 00:02:12.189 --> 00:02:14.610 consideration should be given to the following. 00:02:15.629 --> 00:02:19.150 Most people are strongly influenced by stereotypes. 00:02:19.349 --> 00:02:22.069 For example, those of the efficient manager or 00:02:22.069 --> 00:02:25.289 the selfless mother. Such generalizations can 00:02:25.289 --> 00:02:27.569 sometimes place unreasonable demands, expectations, 00:02:27.669 --> 00:02:30.889 and unfair burdens upon those holding particular 00:02:30.889 --> 00:02:33.469 roles. Everyone has the right not to accept the 00:02:33.469 --> 00:02:37.469 demands associated with such roles. When rejecting 00:02:37.469 --> 00:02:41.210 a demand, it is important to explain that it 00:02:41.210 --> 00:02:43.569 is the demand that is being rejected, not the 00:02:43.569 --> 00:02:45.360 person. Now, if you're rejecting the person, 00:02:45.419 --> 00:02:47.439 I can't tell you nothing about that. That's your 00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:50.680 own thing, but it's not considered proper assertiveness 00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:52.180 and it's not considered proper communication. 00:02:52.580 --> 00:02:57.479 Also, it's not nice. Keep that in mind. People 00:02:57.479 --> 00:02:59.960 often feel others have a right to their time 00:02:59.960 --> 00:03:03.479 and effort. You have no right. You have a right, 00:03:03.599 --> 00:03:06.639 I'm sorry, to say no without having to justify 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:09.659 yourself or even give a reason. Having rejected 00:03:09.659 --> 00:03:12.319 a demand, it is important to keep to that decision. 00:03:13.400 --> 00:03:14.979 crumble under the pressure. Others will learn 00:03:14.979 --> 00:03:18.419 you can be swayed. Uh, so you need to be firm. 00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:21.759 Okay. Basically it presents you off as a person 00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:23.699 that they can easily manipulate. And if you don't 00:03:23.699 --> 00:03:25.539 want to be considered that, keep this in mind. 00:03:26.139 --> 00:03:29.319 Okay. You do of course have the right to change 00:03:29.319 --> 00:03:31.919 your mind if circumstances change. Okay. Um, 00:03:32.039 --> 00:03:36.460 if making demands, uh, people, people tend to 00:03:36.460 --> 00:03:39.080 often resort to passive or manipulative responses. 00:03:40.280 --> 00:03:43.219 You may also assume a dependency upon the efforts 00:03:43.219 --> 00:03:46.300 of others. So apart from certain exceptions, 00:03:46.659 --> 00:03:49.659 for example, dependent children, everyone is 00:03:49.659 --> 00:03:52.020 responsible for themselves and undue reliance 00:03:52.020 --> 00:03:56.000 should not be placed upon others. Remember that 00:03:56.000 --> 00:04:00.360 you have rights too. Assertiveness is quietly, 00:04:00.479 --> 00:04:03.919 non -aggressively, but firmly exerting those 00:04:03.919 --> 00:04:06.860 rights. one of which is to refuse demands that 00:04:06.860 --> 00:04:09.099 you consider to be unreasonable or which you 00:04:09.099 --> 00:04:12.500 are unable to meet. At the same time, you also 00:04:12.500 --> 00:04:14.580 need to recognize the rights of others to make 00:04:14.580 --> 00:04:18.000 requests of you and receive a polite response. 00:04:19.379 --> 00:04:22.620 Alright, so that's that. Now we're going to take 00:04:22.620 --> 00:04:26.100 a short break. And then we're going to talk about 00:04:26.100 --> 00:04:27.939 dealing with criticisms. This is something I 00:04:27.939 --> 00:04:39.420 want to focus on for a little bit. Okay, so that's 00:04:39.420 --> 00:04:41.980 how you deal with demands. That's how you basically 00:04:41.980 --> 00:04:44.420 handle them. But remembering that you still have 00:04:44.420 --> 00:04:47.300 some rights yourself to decide what you actually 00:04:47.300 --> 00:04:53.699 do. Okay? Slavery has been abolished in 85 to 00:04:53.699 --> 00:04:58.339 95 % of the world. Okay? You're not being forced 00:04:58.339 --> 00:05:01.000 to do anything. No one can make you say yes. 00:05:01.500 --> 00:05:03.199 Although, depending on whether you say yes or 00:05:03.199 --> 00:05:04.879 no determines the opportunities that come across 00:05:04.879 --> 00:05:07.279 your way. But remember, you're nobody's slave. 00:05:07.500 --> 00:05:10.160 You work for yourself, even when you work under 00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:12.199 certain people, because you decide what you can 00:05:12.199 --> 00:05:14.120 and cannot do, if you can even do it at all. 00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:19.980 With that being said, let's talk about criticism 00:05:19.980 --> 00:05:24.439 and how you deal with it. So keep this in mind 00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:27.259 when you're receiving criticism. Okay, first 00:05:27.259 --> 00:05:29.579 off, let's start with this. Take time to decide 00:05:29.579 --> 00:05:31.779 whether it is genuine criticism or whether there 00:05:31.779 --> 00:05:34.120 is some other reason for it. For example, that 00:05:34.120 --> 00:05:36.139 someone is angry or frustrated and you are simply 00:05:36.139 --> 00:05:39.839 there in front of them. Acknowledge the criticism 00:05:39.839 --> 00:05:43.160 by repeating or reflecting it. You might respond, 00:05:43.519 --> 00:05:47.720 uh, so you feel that, I, and then leave it at 00:05:47.720 --> 00:05:50.899 that. Okay? As with any feedback, it's important 00:05:50.899 --> 00:05:56.079 to thank the person for providing it. Acknowledge 00:05:56.079 --> 00:05:58.379 any truthful elements of the criticism, even 00:05:58.379 --> 00:06:01.800 if they are hard to hear. If the criticism includes 00:06:01.800 --> 00:06:03.759 an element of truth, try to avoid the common 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:06.319 response of lashing back with counter -criticism. 00:06:07.160 --> 00:06:10.439 Criticism has a hint of truth tends to be wounding, 00:06:10.519 --> 00:06:13.079 but it may be offered in the hope that it will 00:06:13.079 --> 00:06:15.420 be used constructively. After all, not everyone 00:06:15.420 --> 00:06:18.439 is skilled in giving feedback, so it may or may 00:06:18.439 --> 00:06:20.439 not come out the way you would expect it to come 00:06:20.439 --> 00:06:25.139 out. And in the topic of giving criticism, If 00:06:25.139 --> 00:06:29.120 possible, avoid criticizing others. Instead, 00:06:29.339 --> 00:06:31.680 try to think about it as giving constructive, 00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:35.079 albeit negative feedback to change their behavior. 00:06:37.379 --> 00:06:41.100 As weird as that sounds, this will help you to 00:06:41.100 --> 00:06:43.240 remain calm and give the feedback more effectively. 00:06:46.180 --> 00:06:50.220 Criticism or negative feedback can be tempered 00:06:50.220 --> 00:06:52.019 or appear less brutal when it's given alongside 00:06:52.019 --> 00:06:55.069 support for the other person. Crucially. You 00:06:55.069 --> 00:06:58.870 must ensure that it is a criticism of the action 00:06:58.870 --> 00:07:01.370 rather than of the person. Begin with a support 00:07:01.370 --> 00:07:03.730 comment such as, I appreciate all the work you've 00:07:03.730 --> 00:07:07.310 put on this, but we have a problem with. Any 00:07:07.310 --> 00:07:11.649 sentence that begins with you are will cause 00:07:11.649 --> 00:07:14.430 offense and should be avoided at all costs. Unless 00:07:14.430 --> 00:07:17.730 it ends with a compliment. Focus on the behavior, 00:07:17.889 --> 00:07:20.509 not the personal attributes of the other individual. 00:07:21.009 --> 00:07:24.939 Keep any criticism specific. and avoid generalities 00:07:24.939 --> 00:07:28.199 for example it was late when you picked up the 00:07:28.199 --> 00:07:31.240 children today rather than saying you're always 00:07:31.240 --> 00:07:35.180 late generalized statements may not reflect the 00:07:35.180 --> 00:07:37.600 reality of the situation i have a tendency to 00:07:37.600 --> 00:07:39.480 imply that the individual is at fault when the 00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:41.779 problem may have been caused by other difficulties 00:07:41.779 --> 00:07:45.339 or unforeseen circumstances it is preferable 00:07:45.339 --> 00:07:48.180 to avoid blaming someone for causing your emotion 00:07:48.180 --> 00:07:51.699 for example you make you make me so angry when 00:07:52.490 --> 00:07:55.670 It is better to focus on yourself at the center 00:07:55.670 --> 00:07:57.889 of your own emotions, and as an alternative to 00:07:57.889 --> 00:08:00.170 the statement above, you could say, I feel very 00:08:00.170 --> 00:08:03.529 angry when you. It sounds calm, it's relaxing, 00:08:03.709 --> 00:08:06.949 and it doesn't create tension, but it helps them 00:08:06.949 --> 00:08:09.569 understand that there are problems there and 00:08:09.569 --> 00:08:11.889 that, you know, if they can't help you fix it, 00:08:11.990 --> 00:08:16.829 leave it be. Okay? So there's that. I'll take 00:08:16.829 --> 00:08:18.970 one more break here, and then we'll talk about 00:08:18.970 --> 00:08:34.590 giving and receiving compliments. final topic 00:08:34.590 --> 00:08:38.429 for today um giving and receiving compliments 00:08:38.429 --> 00:08:42.350 everybody likes receiving them not everyone likes 00:08:42.350 --> 00:08:44.450 giving them they assume that everyone has to 00:08:44.450 --> 00:08:46.350 give them a compliment first before they have 00:08:46.350 --> 00:08:48.250 the right to give someone else that that is not 00:08:48.250 --> 00:08:52.269 right this is wrong and it kind of implies that 00:08:52.269 --> 00:08:54.649 everybody's basically doing a great job or everybody's 00:08:54.649 --> 00:08:58.429 doing an awful job and in retrospect this is 00:08:58.429 --> 00:09:00.889 not a good thing i'm just saying that right now 00:09:00.889 --> 00:09:06.710 okay Some people find that giving and receiving 00:09:06.710 --> 00:09:08.649 a compliment is difficult or embarrassing and 00:09:08.649 --> 00:09:10.850 may feel the need to either shrug them off or 00:09:10.850 --> 00:09:12.990 basically return them back to the person they 00:09:12.990 --> 00:09:16.490 came from. Complimenting is a positive way of 00:09:16.490 --> 00:09:18.649 giving support, showing approval, and increasing 00:09:18.649 --> 00:09:22.370 the other person's self -confidence. Learning 00:09:22.370 --> 00:09:25.149 to both give and accept them gracefully is an 00:09:25.149 --> 00:09:28.730 important skill, however, not a lot of people 00:09:28.730 --> 00:09:32.299 have it. If a compliment is rejected, the person 00:09:32.299 --> 00:09:34.779 giving it may feel embarrassed or discounted 00:09:34.779 --> 00:09:37.980 and may be less likely to pay a compliment in 00:09:37.980 --> 00:09:41.240 the future. All things considered, you know? 00:09:42.460 --> 00:09:44.940 When you are complimented, therefore thank the 00:09:44.940 --> 00:09:47.320 person giving the compliment and accept it whether 00:09:47.320 --> 00:09:50.480 or not you actually agree with it. Useful phrases 00:09:50.480 --> 00:09:52.919 include thank you, that's very kind of you to 00:09:52.919 --> 00:09:56.200 say that, or thank you, it was a pleasure. But 00:09:56.200 --> 00:09:58.159 it's always nice to hear that you appreciate 00:09:58.159 --> 00:10:02.049 it. These are ways you can actually show your 00:10:02.049 --> 00:10:05.730 gratitude in a positive way, even if you don't 00:10:05.730 --> 00:10:09.370 really want the compliment. OK, if you're not 00:10:09.370 --> 00:10:11.610 sure on how to be gracious or what gratitude 00:10:11.610 --> 00:10:13.909 is, feel free to go back and check out my podcast 00:10:13.909 --> 00:10:16.490 that I covered on morals when I cover gratitude. 00:10:17.950 --> 00:10:20.950 So lastly here, let's keep this in mind when 00:10:20.950 --> 00:10:24.110 you're given a compliment. OK, ensure it's genuine. 00:10:25.730 --> 00:10:28.110 Insincerity is easily detected and will undermine 00:10:28.110 --> 00:10:30.269 your efforts to build up the person's self -esteem. 00:10:30.470 --> 00:10:33.889 And remember that positive reinforcement is more 00:10:33.889 --> 00:10:36.110 effective than negative reinforcement. Compliments 00:10:36.110 --> 00:10:38.629 will be remembered much more readily and happily 00:10:38.629 --> 00:10:41.970 than criticism. Instead, criticism might actually 00:10:41.970 --> 00:10:44.009 create a negative tension in the air between 00:10:44.009 --> 00:10:46.090 you and said person, even if there's actually 00:10:46.090 --> 00:10:49.649 nothing wrong. And if a compliment is not appropriate, 00:10:49.889 --> 00:10:52.149 then find a way to say thank you or offer some 00:10:52.149 --> 00:10:54.610 praise instead in a way that might be a little 00:10:54.610 --> 00:10:57.370 more effective without embarrassing either party 00:10:57.370 --> 00:11:02.970 or upsetting somebody. Alright, finally, remember, 00:11:03.309 --> 00:11:06.789 assertiveness is always more appropriate than 00:11:06.789 --> 00:11:09.509 passion. passive or aggressive behavior even 00:11:09.509 --> 00:11:11.909 if it is difficult try to treat others as you 00:11:11.909 --> 00:11:14.029 would like to be treated and respect and politeness 00:11:14.029 --> 00:11:16.710 i'm sorry with respect and politeness this will 00:11:16.710 --> 00:11:18.929 help you to respond assertively to others even 00:11:18.929 --> 00:11:24.049 in difficult situations okay this will make everything 00:11:24.049 --> 00:11:26.450 a lot easier to go about and everyone will be 00:11:26.450 --> 00:11:28.429 able to enjoy the rest of your day without any 00:11:28.429 --> 00:11:32.870 difficulties or any other issues all right so 00:11:32.870 --> 00:11:37.009 with that Again, I thank you guys for listening. 00:11:38.169 --> 00:11:44.370 Thank you guys for your time. Please feel free 00:11:44.370 --> 00:11:47.090 to continue following my podcast here on Anchor. 00:11:47.549 --> 00:11:49.889 You can follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and 00:11:49.889 --> 00:11:52.169 Twitter. You can also follow me on many of the 00:11:52.169 --> 00:11:54.429 other stations that I'm available on, including 00:11:54.429 --> 00:11:57.990 Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, and Google Play. If 00:11:57.990 --> 00:11:59.549 you have any questions, feel free to message 00:11:59.549 --> 00:12:01.649 me, and I will be able to look at those topics. 00:12:04.039 --> 00:12:05.919 For future podcast things you would like for 00:12:05.919 --> 00:12:07.700 me to discuss or stuff you would like me to cover, 00:12:07.799 --> 00:12:11.159 feel free to hit me up. And again, like I said 00:12:11.159 --> 00:12:12.940 before, this is Food for Thought, Thoughts If 00:12:12.940 --> 00:12:15.919 It Were You. My name is Neogentrix, signing out. 00:12:15.980 --> 00:12:17.840 I'll talk to you guys later. Enjoy the rest of 00:12:17.840 --> 00:12:18.559 your day. Be blessed.