Welcome back to Food for Thoughts, if it were
you, by Neogentrics. Questions, answers, issues,
people, things that we have to consider, stuff
that actually happens. This brings up an exciting
topic. Not so really, it's not so much. Basically,
it's on assertiveness in specific types of situations.
So with that, I basically say this. What are
your demands, your criticisms, and your compliments?
Keep this in mind. Okay? Those three areas, those
three things, okay? There are three particular
situations where assertive behavior is called
for, but may be particularly difficult to use,
okay? These are when you're called up to deal
with demands, especially unreasonable ones. or
criticism or to give or receive a compliment
from somebody you know things of that nature
all these situations may make you feel uncomfortable
often because you are dealing with a situation
where your own and others wishes may be mutually
exclusive however this is exactly the time at
which assertiveness is most important so with
that being said we're going to pick up where
i left off we're going to continue talking about
assertiveness today and then we'll move on okay
so On that note, let's talk about dealing with
demands. Dealing with unacceptable demands can
be a daunting experience, and having the courage
to be assertive in such circumstances is not
easy for some people. It must always be acknowledged
that everyone has the right not to fulfill a
demand. You have the right to say no. You don't
have to always say yes. When faced with a demand,
consideration should be given to the following.
Most people are strongly influenced by stereotypes.
For example, those of the efficient manager or
the selfless mother. Such generalizations can
sometimes place unreasonable demands, expectations,
and unfair burdens upon those holding particular
roles. Everyone has the right not to accept the
demands associated with such roles. When rejecting
a demand, it is important to explain that it
is the demand that is being rejected, not the
person. Now, if you're rejecting the person,
I can't tell you nothing about that. That's your
own thing, but it's not considered proper assertiveness
and it's not considered proper communication.
Also, it's not nice. Keep that in mind. People
often feel others have a right to their time
and effort. You have no right. You have a right,
I'm sorry, to say no without having to justify
yourself or even give a reason. Having rejected
a demand, it is important to keep to that decision.
crumble under the pressure. Others will learn
you can be swayed. Uh, so you need to be firm.
Okay. Basically it presents you off as a person
that they can easily manipulate. And if you don't
want to be considered that, keep this in mind.
Okay. You do of course have the right to change
your mind if circumstances change. Okay. Um,
if making demands, uh, people, people tend to
often resort to passive or manipulative responses.
You may also assume a dependency upon the efforts
of others. So apart from certain exceptions,
for example, dependent children, everyone is
responsible for themselves and undue reliance
should not be placed upon others. Remember that
you have rights too. Assertiveness is quietly,
non -aggressively, but firmly exerting those
rights. one of which is to refuse demands that
you consider to be unreasonable or which you
are unable to meet. At the same time, you also
need to recognize the rights of others to make
requests of you and receive a polite response.
Alright, so that's that. Now we're going to take
a short break. And then we're going to talk about
dealing with criticisms. This is something I
want to focus on for a little bit. Okay, so that's
how you deal with demands. That's how you basically
handle them. But remembering that you still have
some rights yourself to decide what you actually
do. Okay? Slavery has been abolished in 85 to
95 % of the world. Okay? You're not being forced
to do anything. No one can make you say yes.
Although, depending on whether you say yes or
no determines the opportunities that come across
your way. But remember, you're nobody's slave.
You work for yourself, even when you work under
certain people, because you decide what you can
and cannot do, if you can even do it at all.
With that being said, let's talk about criticism
and how you deal with it. So keep this in mind
when you're receiving criticism. Okay, first
off, let's start with this. Take time to decide
whether it is genuine criticism or whether there
is some other reason for it. For example, that
someone is angry or frustrated and you are simply
there in front of them. Acknowledge the criticism
by repeating or reflecting it. You might respond,
uh, so you feel that, I, and then leave it at
that. Okay? As with any feedback, it's important
to thank the person for providing it. Acknowledge
any truthful elements of the criticism, even
if they are hard to hear. If the criticism includes
an element of truth, try to avoid the common
response of lashing back with counter -criticism.
Criticism has a hint of truth tends to be wounding,
but it may be offered in the hope that it will
be used constructively. After all, not everyone
is skilled in giving feedback, so it may or may
not come out the way you would expect it to come
out. And in the topic of giving criticism, If
possible, avoid criticizing others. Instead,
try to think about it as giving constructive,
albeit negative feedback to change their behavior.
As weird as that sounds, this will help you to
remain calm and give the feedback more effectively.
Criticism or negative feedback can be tempered
or appear less brutal when it's given alongside
support for the other person. Crucially. You
must ensure that it is a criticism of the action
rather than of the person. Begin with a support
comment such as, I appreciate all the work you've
put on this, but we have a problem with. Any
sentence that begins with you are will cause
offense and should be avoided at all costs. Unless
it ends with a compliment. Focus on the behavior,
not the personal attributes of the other individual.
Keep any criticism specific. and avoid generalities
for example it was late when you picked up the
children today rather than saying you're always
late generalized statements may not reflect the
reality of the situation i have a tendency to
imply that the individual is at fault when the
problem may have been caused by other difficulties
or unforeseen circumstances it is preferable
to avoid blaming someone for causing your emotion
for example you make you make me so angry when
It is better to focus on yourself at the center
of your own emotions, and as an alternative to
the statement above, you could say, I feel very
angry when you. It sounds calm, it's relaxing,
and it doesn't create tension, but it helps them
understand that there are problems there and
that, you know, if they can't help you fix it,
leave it be. Okay? So there's that. I'll take
one more break here, and then we'll talk about
giving and receiving compliments. final topic
for today um giving and receiving compliments
everybody likes receiving them not everyone likes
giving them they assume that everyone has to
give them a compliment first before they have
the right to give someone else that that is not
right this is wrong and it kind of implies that
everybody's basically doing a great job or everybody's
doing an awful job and in retrospect this is
not a good thing i'm just saying that right now
okay Some people find that giving and receiving
a compliment is difficult or embarrassing and
may feel the need to either shrug them off or
basically return them back to the person they
came from. Complimenting is a positive way of
giving support, showing approval, and increasing
the other person's self -confidence. Learning
to both give and accept them gracefully is an
important skill, however, not a lot of people
have it. If a compliment is rejected, the person
giving it may feel embarrassed or discounted
and may be less likely to pay a compliment in
the future. All things considered, you know?
When you are complimented, therefore thank the
person giving the compliment and accept it whether
or not you actually agree with it. Useful phrases
include thank you, that's very kind of you to
say that, or thank you, it was a pleasure. But
it's always nice to hear that you appreciate
it. These are ways you can actually show your
gratitude in a positive way, even if you don't
really want the compliment. OK, if you're not
sure on how to be gracious or what gratitude
is, feel free to go back and check out my podcast
that I covered on morals when I cover gratitude.
So lastly here, let's keep this in mind when
you're given a compliment. OK, ensure it's genuine.
Insincerity is easily detected and will undermine
your efforts to build up the person's self -esteem.
And remember that positive reinforcement is more
effective than negative reinforcement. Compliments
will be remembered much more readily and happily
than criticism. Instead, criticism might actually
create a negative tension in the air between
you and said person, even if there's actually
nothing wrong. And if a compliment is not appropriate,
then find a way to say thank you or offer some
praise instead in a way that might be a little
more effective without embarrassing either party
or upsetting somebody. Alright, finally, remember,
assertiveness is always more appropriate than
passion. passive or aggressive behavior even
if it is difficult try to treat others as you
would like to be treated and respect and politeness
i'm sorry with respect and politeness this will
help you to respond assertively to others even
in difficult situations okay this will make everything
a lot easier to go about and everyone will be
able to enjoy the rest of your day without any
difficulties or any other issues all right so
with that Again, I thank you guys for listening.
Thank you guys for your time. Please feel free
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feel free to hit me up. And again, like I said
before, this is Food for Thought, Thoughts If
It Were You. My name is Neogentrix, signing out.
I'll talk to you guys later. Enjoy the rest of
your day. Be blessed.