Yo everybody, this is Food for Thought, Thoughts
If It Were You by Neogentrics. Welcome back, welcome
back, welcome back. Now, typically, I'd continue
on with the series that I started, and we are
working on communication. But, having gone to
my bowling game today and it turned out the way
it did, I'm not going to go into too much detail.
Let's just put it this way, it was very disappointing.
Aside from us losing, which wouldn't have been
the biggest problem, it was the other team that
caused us a lot of grief. So being able to handle
these types of situations and how people treat
you, how they do certain things. I'm going to
take the next couple of days and talk about how
to be assertive in the right way. And how to
complain effectively where it doesn't sound like
you're whining. Okay? Reason for this slight
change of hand is due to other people's ignorance
and me having to deal with it consecutively.
And I know a lot of people have to deal with
it as well. So I figured I'd go ahead and cover
this topic and get it out of the way. So first
off, let me ask this question. What is assertiveness?
Okay? I'm going to build this up with an introduction,
okay? And depending on how fast I cover this
information I have here for today, I might go
a little bit further into the next thing. First
things first. Assertiveness is a skill regularly
referred to in social and communication skill
trainings. It's being assertive means... Being
able to stand up for your own or other people's
rights in a calm, positive way without either
being aggressive or passively accepting the wrong.
Assertive individuals are able to get their point
across without upsetting others and becoming
upset themselves. Although everyone acts in passive
and aggressive ways from time to time, such ways
of responding often result from a lack of self
-confidence and are therefore inappropriate ways
of interacting with people. others. Okay. And
as you already know, I have covered self -confidence
and self -esteem once before. Okay. So what is
assertiveness? Let's consult the Oxford dictionary
real quick. And what it basically says here is
that forthright, positive, insistent on the recognition
of one's rights. We can definitely date this
back to the Civil War, where the South was very
assertive on what they wanted when they were
trying to fight the North for their right to
secede from the Union. Now, considering the fact
that they lost and how they lost, I mean, I can't
really condone this or pick a side, and I choose
to stay neutral on that topic. But using them
as an example... And what they did, assertiveness
means basically standing up for your personal
rights, expressing your thoughts, feelings, and
beliefs in direct, honest, and appropriate ways.
It's important to note also that being assertive,
we should always respect the thoughts and feelings
and the beliefs of other people as well, regardless
of whether they're wrong. Those who have assertively
always respect the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs
of others as well as their own are more respectable.
individuals okay and assertiveness concerns uh
being able to express the feelings wishes grants
desires uh appropriately and is an important
personal and interpersonal skill in all your
interactions with other people whether at home
or at work and with employees customers even
colleagues assertiveness can help you to express
yourself in a clear open and reasonably way you
know without undermining your own and others
rights Basically, it enables individuals to act
in their own best interest, you know, to stand
up for themselves without undue anxiety and to
express honest feelings, comfortable and to express
personal rights without denying other people's
rights. OK, and there's three ways of doing it.
Like I mentioned before, passive, aggressive
and assertive. And we're going to go ahead and
cover all of those here, okay? And assertiveness
is often seen as the balance point between being
passive -aggressive and their behaviors. But
it's probably easier to think of the three as
a three -point triangle or like the Triforce
from Legend of Zelda. You have to have all three
for it to be whole, okay? Being assertive. Being
assertive involves taking into consideration
your own and other people's rights, wishes, wants,
needs, desires. It means encouraging others to
be open and honest with their views, wishes,
and feelings so that both parties can act appropriately.
Assertive behavior includes basically being open
and expressing wishes, thoughts, feelings, encouraging
others to do likewise. Listening to the views
of others, responding appropriately, whether
in agreement with those views or not. Accepting
responsibilities and being able to delegate to
others. Regularly expressing appreciation of
others for what they have done or are doing.
Being able to admit to mistakes and apologize
and maintaining self -control. But above all,
behaving as an equal to others and being just
and fair with that. behave assertively for a
number of reasons and find that they behave either
aggressively or passively instead. Next is being
passive. Responding in a passive or non -assertive
way tends to mean compliance with the wishes
of others and can undermine individual rights
and self -confidence. Many people adopt a passive
response because they have a strong need to be
like others. Some people do not regard themselves
as equals because they place greater weights
on the rights, wishes, and feelings of others.
And, you know, being passive results in failure
to communicate thoughts and feelings and results
in people doing things that they really do not
want to do in the hope that they might please
others. And with this being said, this also means
that they allow others to take responsibility
to lead and make decisions for them. A classic
passive response is offered by those who say
yes to requests when they actually want to say
no. Example, do you think you can find the time
to wash the car today? A typical passive reply
might be, yes, I'll do it after I've done the
shopping, made an important telephone call, finished
the filing, cleaned the windows, and made lunch
for the kids. Any of those will work. A far more
appropriate response would have been, no, I can't
do it today as I've got lots of other things
to do. The person responding passively really
does not have the time, but their answer does
not convey this message. The second response
is assertive as the person has considered the
implication of the request in the light of the
other tasks they have to do. Assertiveness is
equally important at work. as at home and if
you become known as a person who cannot say no
well you will be loaded up with tests by the
your colleagues and managers you could even make
yourself sick in the process and i have to admit
that i'm guilty of doing this myself of being
not assertive enough When you respond passively,
you present yourself in a less positive light
and put yourself down in some way. And if you
constantly belittle yourself in this way, you
will come to feel inferior to others. While the
underlying causes of passive behavior are often
poor, self -confidence and self -esteem in itself
can further reduce feelings of self -worth, creating
a very vicious cycle. So with that being said...
Take a short break here and we'll come back and
talk about being aggressive. All right, and we're
back. So let's talk about being assertive, aggressive.
I'm sorry. By being aggressive towards someone
else, their rights and self -esteem are undermined.
Okay. Aggressive behavior fails to consider the
view or feelings of other individuals. Those
behaving aggressively will rarely show praise
or appreciation of others, and an aggressive
response tends to put others down. Aggressive
responses encourage the other person to respond
in a non -assertive way, either aggressively
or passively. There's a wide range of aggressive
behaviors, including rushing someone unnecessarily
toned. rather than asking, ignoring someone,
or not considering another's feelings. Good interpersonal
skills mean you need to be aware of the different
ways of communicating and the different response
each approach might provoke. The use of either
passive or aggressive behavior in interpersonal
relationships can have undesirable consequences
for those you are communicating with, and it
may well hinder positive moves forward. It can
be a frightening or distressing to be spoken
to aggressively, and the receiver can be left
wondering what instigated such behavior or what
he or she has done to deserve the aggression.
If thoughts or feelings are not stated clearly,
this can lead the individuals manipulating others
into meeting their wishes and desires, and manipulation
can be seen as a covert form of aggression, whilst
humor can also be used aggressively as well.
With that being said, the last thing I want to
point out for this topic today is the different
situations that call for different measures,
or rather, or do they? OK, you may find that
you respond differently, whether passively, assertively
or aggressively when you are communicating in
different situations. And it's important to remember
that any interaction is always a two way process.
Therefore, your reactions may differ depending
on your relationship with the other person in
the communication. You may, for example, find
it easier to be assertive to your partner than
to your boss or vice versa. However. whether
it is easy or not, an assertive response is always
going to be better for you for your relationship
with the other person as it basically sets and
defines a line between you and them on how to
do this. Okay? With that being said, okay, let's
go ahead and talk about the next issue. Like
I said, dealing with non -assertiveness. Okay?
Learning how to behave assertively is all well
and great, but how do you deal with non -assertive
behavior in others? Every interaction is at least
two -way, and learning how to deal assertively
with others' non -assertive behavior is an important
skill. And the temptation is to respond aggressively
or passively to others' people's passive and
aggressive behaviors. And this may be particularly
the case if they make you angry. Dealing with
a passive behavior person. People often behave
in a passive way because of low self -esteem
or confidence. And basically, by behaving assertively,
you should aim to make clear that the other person's
contributions are valued and therefore improve
their confidence and self -esteem. Remember that
it is possible to value someone's contributions
without necessarily agreeing with it, as well
as being more assertive ourselves. Assertiveness
should be encouraged in others so that they can
communicate their ideas and emotions freely without
feeling under pressure to say certain things.
Assertiveness in others can be encouraged by
well -honed interpersonal skills such as listening,
questioning, reflection, and clarification, topics
I will cover later. Some ways to demonstrate
that you value the other person's contribution
would be to encourage their contribution through
open questioning by asking their opinions and
by drawing people into the discussion in group
situations. Listen closely to what someone has
to say before continuing the conversation. If
necessary, use questioning techniques to clarify
their opinion before responding with your own.
Show you are interested in what someone has to
say through appropriate questioning. reflecting,
clarification, and summarizing skills, and show
that you value the other person's contribution
through the appropriate use of verbal and nonverbal
communication, such as nodding, smiling, good
eye contact, and encouraging languages. You can
encourage them also to be more open in voicing
their feelings, wishes, and ideas, but do not
allow yourself to take responsibility for decisions
you should be made jointly. that you make yourself.
Instead, support others to make their contributions
to the discussion so everything's not left on
you. Okay. The more a person is able to contribute
and feel that their contribution is valued, the
more they will feel valued as an individual.
And the experience of positive feedback will
help to increase a person's self -confidence.
The whole chain of events should enable the person
concerned to overcome any passive reactions and
become more assertive. I mean, here's a tip.
If you know that a person tends to behave passively
in a discussion or decision -making group, then
take time beforehand to discuss their views with
them. If you know how they feel, you can help
them express those views in the group more appropriately.
On the off side, dealing with aggressive behavior.
This is something that a lot of people need to
know how to handle. Handling aggressive behavior
in others is particularly difficult when it's
accompanied by negative attitudes. To avoid responding
defensively or aggressively, self -control is
definitely required. If you need to know anything
about that, go back and check out my podcast
on morals on self -control. It should be noted
that aggressive behavior here refers to verbal
and nonverbal messages and not to any form of
physical violence. Key strategies that can help
to deal with aggressive behavior include maintaining
self -control, like I mentioned before. Although
anger can sometimes be a positive force, responding
in a similar angry manner will do little to discourage
aggression. If appropriate, however, be prepared
to take time and think over issues before entering
into the discussion. It might be helpful to say
something like, I need time to think about that,
or can we talk about this tomorrow when we have
more time? Remember that the other person have
a right to their emotions, including anger. Acknowledge
their anger, for example, by saying, I can see
that this has really upset you and you're very
angry about it, okay? Pausing and then counting
to 10 before responding to an outburst can also
help to avoid answering in an automatic, defensive,
or aggressive way. And on that note, avoid argument
and defensiveness if at all possible and try
to maintain calm. Try to find areas of agreement
with the other person rather than focusing on
the disagreements that are happening. And then
find and demonstrate ways in which decisions
and solutions can be shared. How can we find
a solution to this? It's probably the best question
to ask. And then try some empathy with the other
person. How do you feel when you are angry with
others? You know, things like that. All right.
Lastly, how do I put this? Often it is difficult
for a person behaving aggressively to calm down
and see things from a broader point of view.
And since anger can be an expression of personal
frustration, I'd recommend being very careful
when tackling these types of areas. However,
using these techniques that I just basically
explained to you should help you to express yourself
assertively rather than aggressively. And this
should help to diffuse the situation and result
in more positive and effective communication.
All right. So with that, I'd like to thank you
guys for listening and tuning into my channel
like you always do. Thank you. Thank you. Thank
you so much. This is Thoughts If It Were You,
Food for Thought. My name is Neogentrix and look
forward to the next podcast next time. I'm going
to cover a little bit more on assertiveness and
then we'll go right back into communication with
the next topic on barriers to effective communication.
All right. Enjoy the rest of your day and be
blessed.