WEBVTT 00:00:35.079 --> 00:00:36.899 everybody welcome back this is food for thought 00:00:36.899 --> 00:00:39.740 thoughts if it were you season two by neogentrics 00:00:39.740 --> 00:00:43.359 today we're going to cover a topic that has been 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:46.079 long overdue and a lot of people are in need 00:00:46.079 --> 00:00:48.899 of it whether they believe it or not and that 00:00:48.899 --> 00:00:53.060 would be dealing with failure now we all have 00:00:53.060 --> 00:00:55.539 bad days and weeks when nothing seems to go right 00:00:55.539 --> 00:00:58.159 you know even me and we all have times when we 00:00:58.159 --> 00:00:59.939 fail to achieve something that we really really 00:00:59.939 --> 00:01:02.630 really wanted to and find it hard to cope. However, 00:01:02.810 --> 00:01:06.109 some people seem much more able to pick themselves 00:01:06.109 --> 00:01:09.469 up, dust themselves down after these experiences 00:01:09.469 --> 00:01:14.109 more so than others. Now, these people are not 00:01:14.109 --> 00:01:17.909 intrinsically better in any way. They just simply 00:01:17.909 --> 00:01:20.129 developed some positive habits and skills that 00:01:20.129 --> 00:01:22.530 helped them overcome failure, turn it into a 00:01:22.530 --> 00:01:25.069 positive experience, and walk away. In fact, 00:01:25.150 --> 00:01:27.230 they're using failure as a way to learn and improve 00:01:27.230 --> 00:01:30.909 themselves for the future. So what we're going 00:01:30.909 --> 00:01:32.629 to do today is we're going to discuss and explain 00:01:32.629 --> 00:01:36.030 some of these skills and then show you how you 00:01:36.030 --> 00:01:39.430 can develop an ability to deal with failure more 00:01:39.430 --> 00:02:04.939 gracefully. Okay? So, let's get to it. Alright, 00:02:04.939 --> 00:02:07.159 let's start with the first thing that everyone 00:02:07.159 --> 00:02:09.939 should probably try to do. And that's understanding 00:02:09.939 --> 00:02:14.719 failure. As Rudyard Kipling put, if you can meet 00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:17.159 with triumph and disaster and treat those two 00:02:17.159 --> 00:02:22.259 imposters just the same, you can succeed. Now, 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:27.080 this is from his favorite poem, If. And, you 00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:29.199 know, it kind of answers its own question as 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:32.080 states of fact. You know, it's having said... 00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:34.979 you know how do i put this have suggested that 00:02:34.979 --> 00:02:37.080 success and failure are two sides of the same 00:02:37.080 --> 00:02:42.479 coin it neither really matters it's essentially 00:02:42.479 --> 00:02:46.560 what he's trying to say whatever happens you 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:48.599 have to pick yourself up and move on this approach 00:02:48.599 --> 00:02:51.960 was perhaps typical of most of the victorians 00:02:51.960 --> 00:02:55.740 during that era but they felt that it was important 00:02:55.740 --> 00:02:58.719 to be able to win and lose gracefully i can kind 00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:01.280 of agree with that but my opinion doesn't matter 00:03:02.090 --> 00:03:07.449 At any rate, it was not appropriate to show your 00:03:07.449 --> 00:03:09.550 emotions whether happy or sad regardless of the 00:03:09.550 --> 00:03:14.710 outcome. Then again, we've become a little wiser 00:03:14.710 --> 00:03:16.969 about the importance of recognizing and showing 00:03:16.969 --> 00:03:19.750 your emotions nowadays. However, being able to 00:03:19.750 --> 00:03:21.889 win or lose gracefully is still an attitude that 00:03:21.889 --> 00:03:25.969 it might be appropriate to cultivate for some 00:03:25.969 --> 00:03:30.449 people. Example. You know, failing to win a sports 00:03:30.449 --> 00:03:32.449 competition, especially a major event that you've 00:03:32.449 --> 00:03:34.289 been working hard towards for several years, 00:03:34.430 --> 00:03:37.810 or to get a promotion or pay raise, can feel 00:03:37.810 --> 00:03:41.629 very, very devastating at the time. But then 00:03:41.629 --> 00:03:44.229 again, when you look back at it over a couple 00:03:44.229 --> 00:03:47.550 years later, or at your whole life as a whole, 00:03:47.750 --> 00:03:51.990 it becomes unlikely to feature as one of your 00:03:51.990 --> 00:03:55.009 defining events. Especially if you have gone 00:03:55.009 --> 00:03:58.150 on to success in the same field later on in the 00:03:58.150 --> 00:04:07.789 future. So, humanity, looking back over the last 00:04:07.789 --> 00:04:12.129 500 years, your failures certainly won't feature 00:04:12.129 --> 00:04:17.610 in who you've become later on. In other words, 00:04:17.910 --> 00:04:20.990 it doesn't really matter all that much to anyone 00:04:20.990 --> 00:04:23.889 else. In a few years, it won't even matter to 00:04:23.889 --> 00:04:26.589 you. You know, it makes sense that it shouldn't 00:04:26.589 --> 00:04:29.250 matter now. Of course, this is easier said than 00:04:29.250 --> 00:04:31.709 done, but there are things that you can do that 00:04:31.709 --> 00:04:34.949 will help you, you know, make it not matter nearly 00:04:34.949 --> 00:04:38.750 as much. And there's different ways to manage 00:04:38.750 --> 00:04:58.529 failure. So let's get on into that. So, how do 00:04:58.529 --> 00:05:02.370 we manage failure? Well, one, recognize and accept 00:05:02.370 --> 00:05:05.689 your emotions for what they are. Failure hurts, 00:05:05.930 --> 00:05:08.250 at least in the first instance, and then you 00:05:08.250 --> 00:05:10.290 need to accept that. Trying to minimize your 00:05:10.290 --> 00:05:12.490 feeling or distract yourself can be counterproductive 00:05:12.490 --> 00:05:14.209 in the long term and actually could hurt you 00:05:14.209 --> 00:05:17.329 more than the failure did at that moment. Just 00:05:17.329 --> 00:05:19.490 recognizing your feelings for what they are and 00:05:19.490 --> 00:05:22.430 allowing yourself time to hurt a little bit is 00:05:22.430 --> 00:05:24.110 enough to help you get over it. Now, with that 00:05:24.110 --> 00:05:26.740 being said, don't dwell on it. for too long. 00:05:27.000 --> 00:05:29.160 That too is also counterproductive, especially 00:05:29.160 --> 00:05:32.040 if you blame yourself for what happened. I've 00:05:32.040 --> 00:05:33.720 done that a few times, and all it's done is got 00:05:33.720 --> 00:05:37.980 me in trouble. So, take a few days for the pain 00:05:37.980 --> 00:05:40.560 to lessen, depending on how severe it was, and 00:05:40.560 --> 00:05:42.879 then start to try to move on, little at a time. 00:05:43.500 --> 00:05:46.759 Two, don't make it personal. I don't know how 00:05:46.759 --> 00:05:50.300 much I could stress this one. One of the main 00:05:50.300 --> 00:05:53.500 reasons why some people fail or find failure 00:05:53.500 --> 00:05:56.079 devastating moving forward is that their identity 00:05:56.079 --> 00:06:01.279 is now tied up to succeeding. I don't know why 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:04.839 I did that. In other words, when they fail, they 00:06:04.839 --> 00:06:07.180 see themselves as a failure rather than perceiving 00:06:07.180 --> 00:06:11.319 that they have experienced a setback. Try not 00:06:11.319 --> 00:06:14.199 to see failure as personal. Instead, it should 00:06:14.199 --> 00:06:16.139 be something that you experience. It does not 00:06:16.139 --> 00:06:19.370 change the real you or who you are. You know, 00:06:19.370 --> 00:06:21.189 coming back to the point of what Kipling was 00:06:21.189 --> 00:06:23.629 saying, success and failure are not intrinsic 00:06:23.629 --> 00:06:26.889 parts of you. No part of your identity should 00:06:26.889 --> 00:06:29.730 be I am a success or I am a failure. If it is, 00:06:29.750 --> 00:06:33.490 we need to go on a different podcast about personal 00:06:33.490 --> 00:06:39.230 development. But anyway, the third point is don't 00:06:39.230 --> 00:06:42.910 make what anyone else or rather don't worry what 00:06:42.910 --> 00:06:46.350 anyone else will think regarding that failure. 00:06:48.240 --> 00:06:50.139 Sometimes our views about success and failure 00:06:50.139 --> 00:06:53.139 are tied up in other people's will or what they 00:06:53.139 --> 00:06:56.759 think about us or how they think about us or 00:06:56.759 --> 00:06:59.379 the way they're going to judge us. I don't know 00:06:59.379 --> 00:07:02.019 how many other ways I could say that. But you 00:07:02.019 --> 00:07:04.579 cannot control what other people think, nor should 00:07:04.579 --> 00:07:07.759 you even try. Mind you, that's anxiety waiting 00:07:07.759 --> 00:07:14.959 to happen. Okay? You should never, ever do something 00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:16.959 simply because it will please the other person. 00:07:18.209 --> 00:07:20.670 OK, it's easier to accept both success and failure 00:07:20.670 --> 00:07:23.129 if you define them in your own terms and do things 00:07:23.129 --> 00:07:25.689 because you want to achieve them, not because 00:07:25.689 --> 00:07:28.370 someone's forcing you to do it. Now, there are 00:07:28.370 --> 00:07:31.209 some instances where that can't be avoided, but 00:07:31.209 --> 00:07:35.750 I digress. OK, my point is, don't do it because 00:07:35.750 --> 00:07:39.850 you think other people will be pleased. OK, like 00:07:39.850 --> 00:07:43.540 I said before, this builds anxiety. And I covered 00:07:43.540 --> 00:07:45.920 anxiety on another podcast, so if you want to 00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:47.519 know about that, go ahead and check that out 00:07:47.519 --> 00:07:51.800 on anchor .fm4 slash neogentrics or on one of 00:07:51.800 --> 00:07:58.220 your favorite platforms. Now, number four. Take 00:07:58.220 --> 00:08:00.620 the right amount of responsibility for that failure. 00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:03.459 We all have met people who are ready to blame 00:08:03.459 --> 00:08:06.339 others or events for their lack of success. This 00:08:06.339 --> 00:08:09.899 happens quite often, like in sports. The referee 00:08:09.899 --> 00:08:12.600 was biased. or the teacher doesn't like me that's 00:08:12.600 --> 00:08:17.620 why my marks are low or if only i hadn't been 00:08:17.620 --> 00:08:20.500 ill all summer i wouldn't have missed several 00:08:20.500 --> 00:08:25.240 weeks of training okay that one i can see how 00:08:25.240 --> 00:08:26.920 that one can go both ways but that depends on 00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:29.779 the user okay it's important to recognize when 00:08:29.779 --> 00:08:32.960 other or external factors have affected your 00:08:32.960 --> 00:08:37.320 success you don't need and should never try to 00:08:37.320 --> 00:08:39.159 blame yourself for everything particularly if 00:08:39.159 --> 00:08:42.519 it's outside your control it is however also 00:08:42.519 --> 00:08:44.940 important to recognize what you yourself could 00:08:44.940 --> 00:08:47.220 have done to improve the matters if you could 00:08:47.220 --> 00:08:51.899 okay for example could you have trained or worked 00:08:51.899 --> 00:08:56.080 harder what was uh your revision or rather was 00:08:56.080 --> 00:08:58.879 your revision really all that it could have been 00:08:58.879 --> 00:09:02.740 or did you really prepare for that interview 00:09:02.740 --> 00:09:08.539 in the best possible way Did you try to complete 00:09:08.539 --> 00:09:11.500 the job in the most convenient and efficient 00:09:11.500 --> 00:09:14.820 way possible? These are the questions you should 00:09:14.820 --> 00:09:17.019 be asking. Because not only does it take that 00:09:17.019 --> 00:09:19.240 failure away, but it puts it in a position where 00:09:19.240 --> 00:09:22.080 it's now an attempt towards success and how you 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:25.200 can improve. Okay? Take responsibility for the 00:09:25.200 --> 00:09:27.580 factors over which you can control. Don't be 00:09:27.580 --> 00:09:30.700 tempted to hide it behind someone else. That's 00:09:30.700 --> 00:09:54.730 the cowardly way out. Now, last but not least, 00:09:54.830 --> 00:09:58.809 the fifth thing. Use failure as a way to improve. 00:09:59.470 --> 00:10:01.490 Don't think of failure as failure. Instead, think 00:10:01.490 --> 00:10:05.049 of it as life's way of showing you that you need 00:10:05.049 --> 00:10:08.889 to improve. There we go. Or how to do so. If 00:10:08.889 --> 00:10:10.370 you look at it that way, it can help you out. 00:10:10.470 --> 00:10:12.389 In particular, ask yourself what you could have 00:10:12.389 --> 00:10:14.330 done differently to achieve a better result. 00:10:14.830 --> 00:10:17.409 Or consider how you could put that into practice 00:10:17.409 --> 00:10:19.350 to help you improve for the next time. These 00:10:19.350 --> 00:10:21.899 are all things to keep in mind. There was a case 00:10:21.899 --> 00:10:23.899 study done on this. I think it was called Rising 00:10:23.899 --> 00:10:27.080 from the Ashes of Failure. Let me see if I can 00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:32.340 find it real quick. In 1999, the English rugby 00:10:32.340 --> 00:10:35.620 union team lost to South America in the quarterfinals 00:10:35.620 --> 00:10:39.100 of the World Cup. Johnny Wilkinson, the fly half, 00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:42.940 later commented that he had felt at least partly 00:10:42.940 --> 00:10:45.179 responsible for the disappointing and early exit 00:10:45.179 --> 00:10:47.919 from the competition because he had not played 00:10:47.919 --> 00:10:50.889 very well. He said this had encouraged him. to 00:10:50.889 --> 00:10:55.269 work harder in the next few years. Okay. Williamson 00:10:55.269 --> 00:10:57.809 was known for his obsessive approach to practicing 00:10:57.809 --> 00:11:01.049 his kicking. His practice, I'm sorry, he practiced 00:11:01.049 --> 00:11:03.909 for hours each day from slightly different places 00:11:03.909 --> 00:11:05.929 on the field until his accuracy had become almost 00:11:05.929 --> 00:11:10.870 legendary. Note that it wasn't until 2003, though, 00:11:10.950 --> 00:11:13.029 that his persistence paid off. Englund finally 00:11:13.029 --> 00:11:15.490 won the World Cup in the final few minutes, so 00:11:15.490 --> 00:11:17.830 the extra time added, you know, what a drop goal 00:11:17.830 --> 00:11:22.669 by him. Now, Would this happen or would this 00:11:22.669 --> 00:11:25.029 have happened without the failure that he suffered 00:11:25.029 --> 00:11:28.470 back in 1999? Well, to be honest, it would be 00:11:28.470 --> 00:11:32.409 impossible to say that right now. But to him, 00:11:32.470 --> 00:11:35.629 it certainly put some credit into that direction 00:11:35.629 --> 00:11:37.870 because of all the hard work he put in there. 00:11:38.529 --> 00:11:41.850 He didn't let that failure define him. Instead, 00:11:41.950 --> 00:11:44.889 he used it to move himself forward. Think about 00:11:44.889 --> 00:11:51.440 failure differently. in the future and in the 00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:54.320 present, and it will change the outcome of how 00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:58.340 you proceed forward. Essentially, you're winning 00:11:58.340 --> 00:12:02.480 and losing with grace. A lot of people try to 00:12:02.480 --> 00:12:04.299 teach their children to win and lose games with 00:12:04.299 --> 00:12:07.399 grace, to accept the two imposters as the same 00:12:07.399 --> 00:12:11.620 exact thing. We tell them not to crow or gloat 00:12:11.620 --> 00:12:13.519 or whatever when they've won, and we encourage 00:12:13.519 --> 00:12:17.360 them to accept defeat when they've lost. However, 00:12:18.090 --> 00:12:20.450 As adults, the wins and losses may not necessarily 00:12:20.450 --> 00:12:23.750 be on the sports field, but perhaps we can all 00:12:23.750 --> 00:12:26.769 learn a little from the idea of failure that 00:12:26.769 --> 00:12:29.870 it's only a temporary setback. It's easy to tell 00:12:29.870 --> 00:12:33.450 kids this, but as adults, we strive to do this, 00:12:33.490 --> 00:12:36.129 and it's a lot harder for us than it is for them. 00:12:36.250 --> 00:12:38.830 In a kid's situation, the situation's usually 00:12:38.830 --> 00:12:42.090 tempered to a certain area, or it's nurtured 00:12:42.090 --> 00:12:45.090 within a certain cage, so it's easy to fix. But 00:12:45.090 --> 00:12:48.100 as adults, in living in the real world, it's 00:12:48.100 --> 00:12:50.659 not a cage it's an open vast world where anything 00:12:50.659 --> 00:12:53.019 is possible anything can happen and we have to 00:12:53.019 --> 00:12:58.360 remember that we can't control everything nor 00:12:58.360 --> 00:13:03.460 is everything our fault all right well that's 00:13:03.460 --> 00:13:06.000 it for today's topic guys it's been fun again 00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:07.440 this is food for thought thoughts if it were 00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:10.059 you this is your host neogentrix signing out 00:13:10.059 --> 00:13:11.899 i hope you all enjoy the rest of your day and 00:13:11.899 --> 00:13:13.440 don't forget to check out my books on amazon 00:13:13.440 --> 00:13:15.679 the whistling swordsman and the elementalist 00:13:16.540 --> 00:13:17.480 Enjoy the rest of your day.