everybody welcome back this is food for thought
thoughts if it were you season two by neogentrics
today we're going to cover a topic that has been
long overdue and a lot of people are in need
of it whether they believe it or not and that
would be dealing with failure now we all have
bad days and weeks when nothing seems to go right
you know even me and we all have times when we
fail to achieve something that we really really
really wanted to and find it hard to cope. However,
some people seem much more able to pick themselves
up, dust themselves down after these experiences
more so than others. Now, these people are not
intrinsically better in any way. They just simply
developed some positive habits and skills that
helped them overcome failure, turn it into a
positive experience, and walk away. In fact,
they're using failure as a way to learn and improve
themselves for the future. So what we're going
to do today is we're going to discuss and explain
some of these skills and then show you how you
can develop an ability to deal with failure more
gracefully. Okay? So, let's get to it. Alright,
let's start with the first thing that everyone
should probably try to do. And that's understanding
failure. As Rudyard Kipling put, if you can meet
with triumph and disaster and treat those two
imposters just the same, you can succeed. Now,
this is from his favorite poem, If. And, you
know, it kind of answers its own question as
states of fact. You know, it's having said...
you know how do i put this have suggested that
success and failure are two sides of the same
coin it neither really matters it's essentially
what he's trying to say whatever happens you
have to pick yourself up and move on this approach
was perhaps typical of most of the victorians
during that era but they felt that it was important
to be able to win and lose gracefully i can kind
of agree with that but my opinion doesn't matter
At any rate, it was not appropriate to show your
emotions whether happy or sad regardless of the
outcome. Then again, we've become a little wiser
about the importance of recognizing and showing
your emotions nowadays. However, being able to
win or lose gracefully is still an attitude that
it might be appropriate to cultivate for some
people. Example. You know, failing to win a sports
competition, especially a major event that you've
been working hard towards for several years,
or to get a promotion or pay raise, can feel
very, very devastating at the time. But then
again, when you look back at it over a couple
years later, or at your whole life as a whole,
it becomes unlikely to feature as one of your
defining events. Especially if you have gone
on to success in the same field later on in the
future. So, humanity, looking back over the last
500 years, your failures certainly won't feature
in who you've become later on. In other words,
it doesn't really matter all that much to anyone
else. In a few years, it won't even matter to
you. You know, it makes sense that it shouldn't
matter now. Of course, this is easier said than
done, but there are things that you can do that
will help you, you know, make it not matter nearly
as much. And there's different ways to manage
failure. So let's get on into that. So, how do
we manage failure? Well, one, recognize and accept
your emotions for what they are. Failure hurts,
at least in the first instance, and then you
need to accept that. Trying to minimize your
feeling or distract yourself can be counterproductive
in the long term and actually could hurt you
more than the failure did at that moment. Just
recognizing your feelings for what they are and
allowing yourself time to hurt a little bit is
enough to help you get over it. Now, with that
being said, don't dwell on it. for too long.
That too is also counterproductive, especially
if you blame yourself for what happened. I've
done that a few times, and all it's done is got
me in trouble. So, take a few days for the pain
to lessen, depending on how severe it was, and
then start to try to move on, little at a time.
Two, don't make it personal. I don't know how
much I could stress this one. One of the main
reasons why some people fail or find failure
devastating moving forward is that their identity
is now tied up to succeeding. I don't know why
I did that. In other words, when they fail, they
see themselves as a failure rather than perceiving
that they have experienced a setback. Try not
to see failure as personal. Instead, it should
be something that you experience. It does not
change the real you or who you are. You know,
coming back to the point of what Kipling was
saying, success and failure are not intrinsic
parts of you. No part of your identity should
be I am a success or I am a failure. If it is,
we need to go on a different podcast about personal
development. But anyway, the third point is don't
make what anyone else or rather don't worry what
anyone else will think regarding that failure.
Sometimes our views about success and failure
are tied up in other people's will or what they
think about us or how they think about us or
the way they're going to judge us. I don't know
how many other ways I could say that. But you
cannot control what other people think, nor should
you even try. Mind you, that's anxiety waiting
to happen. Okay? You should never, ever do something
simply because it will please the other person.
OK, it's easier to accept both success and failure
if you define them in your own terms and do things
because you want to achieve them, not because
someone's forcing you to do it. Now, there are
some instances where that can't be avoided, but
I digress. OK, my point is, don't do it because
you think other people will be pleased. OK, like
I said before, this builds anxiety. And I covered
anxiety on another podcast, so if you want to
know about that, go ahead and check that out
on anchor .fm4 slash neogentrics or on one of
your favorite platforms. Now, number four. Take
the right amount of responsibility for that failure.
We all have met people who are ready to blame
others or events for their lack of success. This
happens quite often, like in sports. The referee
was biased. or the teacher doesn't like me that's
why my marks are low or if only i hadn't been
ill all summer i wouldn't have missed several
weeks of training okay that one i can see how
that one can go both ways but that depends on
the user okay it's important to recognize when
other or external factors have affected your
success you don't need and should never try to
blame yourself for everything particularly if
it's outside your control it is however also
important to recognize what you yourself could
have done to improve the matters if you could
okay for example could you have trained or worked
harder what was uh your revision or rather was
your revision really all that it could have been
or did you really prepare for that interview
in the best possible way Did you try to complete
the job in the most convenient and efficient
way possible? These are the questions you should
be asking. Because not only does it take that
failure away, but it puts it in a position where
it's now an attempt towards success and how you
can improve. Okay? Take responsibility for the
factors over which you can control. Don't be
tempted to hide it behind someone else. That's
the cowardly way out. Now, last but not least,
the fifth thing. Use failure as a way to improve.
Don't think of failure as failure. Instead, think
of it as life's way of showing you that you need
to improve. There we go. Or how to do so. If
you look at it that way, it can help you out.
In particular, ask yourself what you could have
done differently to achieve a better result.
Or consider how you could put that into practice
to help you improve for the next time. These
are all things to keep in mind. There was a case
study done on this. I think it was called Rising
from the Ashes of Failure. Let me see if I can
find it real quick. In 1999, the English rugby
union team lost to South America in the quarterfinals
of the World Cup. Johnny Wilkinson, the fly half,
later commented that he had felt at least partly
responsible for the disappointing and early exit
from the competition because he had not played
very well. He said this had encouraged him. to
work harder in the next few years. Okay. Williamson
was known for his obsessive approach to practicing
his kicking. His practice, I'm sorry, he practiced
for hours each day from slightly different places
on the field until his accuracy had become almost
legendary. Note that it wasn't until 2003, though,
that his persistence paid off. Englund finally
won the World Cup in the final few minutes, so
the extra time added, you know, what a drop goal
by him. Now, Would this happen or would this
have happened without the failure that he suffered
back in 1999? Well, to be honest, it would be
impossible to say that right now. But to him,
it certainly put some credit into that direction
because of all the hard work he put in there.
He didn't let that failure define him. Instead,
he used it to move himself forward. Think about
failure differently. in the future and in the
present, and it will change the outcome of how
you proceed forward. Essentially, you're winning
and losing with grace. A lot of people try to
teach their children to win and lose games with
grace, to accept the two imposters as the same
exact thing. We tell them not to crow or gloat
or whatever when they've won, and we encourage
them to accept defeat when they've lost. However,
As adults, the wins and losses may not necessarily
be on the sports field, but perhaps we can all
learn a little from the idea of failure that
it's only a temporary setback. It's easy to tell
kids this, but as adults, we strive to do this,
and it's a lot harder for us than it is for them.
In a kid's situation, the situation's usually
tempered to a certain area, or it's nurtured
within a certain cage, so it's easy to fix. But
as adults, in living in the real world, it's
not a cage it's an open vast world where anything
is possible anything can happen and we have to
remember that we can't control everything nor
is everything our fault all right well that's
it for today's topic guys it's been fun again
this is food for thought thoughts if it were
you this is your host neogentrix signing out
i hope you all enjoy the rest of your day and
don't forget to check out my books on amazon
the whistling swordsman and the elementalist
Enjoy the rest of your day.