WEBVTT 00:00:11.179 --> 00:00:13.140 I'm going to cover the last two in this set, 00:00:13.240 --> 00:00:14.980 but I have an additional 12 things I'm going 00:00:14.980 --> 00:00:17.859 to go ahead and throw in here just for the sake 00:00:17.859 --> 00:00:21.660 of, you know, covering all bases. The ninth item 00:00:21.660 --> 00:00:24.820 is speaking badly of someone, also known as gossip. 00:00:25.320 --> 00:00:27.640 Any kind of talk that is meant to defame someone, 00:00:27.820 --> 00:00:30.660 hurt them, or anything like that in the trashy 00:00:30.660 --> 00:00:32.880 or toxic kind of way, basically don't be that 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:36.200 person, okay? Gossip is poison and it is hurtful. 00:00:36.280 --> 00:00:39.159 If your words are about someone else and they 00:00:39.159 --> 00:00:41.429 don't lift them up, praise them, or... help them 00:00:41.429 --> 00:00:44.469 don't say it at all okay it only shows bad character 00:00:44.469 --> 00:00:47.770 on your part you need to respect yourself enough 00:00:47.770 --> 00:00:50.450 to only speak happy and loving words if you don't 00:00:50.450 --> 00:00:53.869 respect yourself well then how can you respect 00:00:53.869 --> 00:00:57.890 anybody else on that note the tenth item is lack 00:00:57.890 --> 00:01:00.890 of self -care whether that to be hygiene dietary 00:01:00.890 --> 00:01:03.149 or even exercise you need to take care of yourself 00:01:03.149 --> 00:01:06.370 in all ways both physically emotionally mentally 00:01:06.370 --> 00:01:09.840 and even spiritually there's Only one of you, 00:01:09.920 --> 00:01:12.180 one life, one chance. You need to live your life 00:01:12.180 --> 00:01:13.980 to the fullest in the sense that you need to 00:01:13.980 --> 00:01:16.480 take care of yourself, nurture your body, and 00:01:16.480 --> 00:01:19.500 be happy. Respect yourself enough to look after 00:01:19.500 --> 00:01:25.859 you, even if no one else. Okay? And with that 00:01:25.859 --> 00:01:30.439 being said, I want to go back up to the verbal 00:01:30.439 --> 00:01:35.819 and physical talk. Verbal, physical, and sexual 00:01:35.819 --> 00:01:38.900 abuse all fall under the same category. We all 00:01:38.900 --> 00:01:40.640 get angry and experience frustrating moments 00:01:40.640 --> 00:01:42.920 in our lives. We tend to lash out and say hurtful 00:01:42.920 --> 00:01:46.980 things to our loved ones during heated arguments. 00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:49.159 It's only natural, but if someone is constantly 00:01:49.159 --> 00:01:52.659 badgering you, not acknowledging the damage being 00:01:52.659 --> 00:01:54.859 caused and not making any effort to change, then 00:01:54.859 --> 00:01:56.579 you need to wake up and recognize the fact that 00:01:56.579 --> 00:01:59.939 you are being disrespected. At no given point 00:01:59.939 --> 00:02:02.719 is physical sexual abuse acceptable, period. 00:02:02.980 --> 00:02:05.900 You need to make note of that. You need to think 00:02:05.900 --> 00:02:08.840 about it as well. I cannot stress enough, okay? 00:02:08.960 --> 00:02:11.340 Do not take a beating lying down. And if you 00:02:11.340 --> 00:02:14.159 do, I will repeat, no matter what happens, it 00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:17.319 is not okay to be physical or sexually abused, 00:02:17.580 --> 00:02:21.199 okay? Do not try to find reasons to justify their 00:02:21.199 --> 00:02:24.900 behavior. This is absolutely nothing that can 00:02:24.900 --> 00:02:27.780 be justified or should be. And with that being 00:02:27.780 --> 00:02:30.520 said, the next thing is controlling your behavior. 00:02:31.259 --> 00:02:35.030 If someone's always... wants to control every 00:02:35.030 --> 00:02:37.090 aspect of your life and doesn't trust you enough 00:02:37.090 --> 00:02:39.030 to make your own decisions, then they do not 00:02:39.030 --> 00:02:41.849 respect your abilities as a person. If your loved 00:02:41.849 --> 00:02:44.150 ones trust and respect you, they will want you 00:02:44.150 --> 00:02:46.530 to have your own experiences in life so that 00:02:46.530 --> 00:02:49.389 you can learn from them. They will also encourage 00:02:49.389 --> 00:02:51.930 you and be there to support you. They will not 00:02:51.930 --> 00:02:54.669 instill fear, negativity, or anything of the 00:02:54.669 --> 00:02:56.930 sort even before you take the first steps towards 00:02:56.930 --> 00:02:59.870 making an effort. You know, respect equals freedom 00:02:59.870 --> 00:03:03.379 in most cases. Next with that, I'm going to cover 00:03:03.379 --> 00:03:06.379 force. If you're being forced to do anything 00:03:06.379 --> 00:03:09.159 against your will, it is one of the highest forms 00:03:09.159 --> 00:03:14.520 of disrespect available. Clearly, they have no 00:03:14.520 --> 00:03:16.919 empathy or regard for your feelings or likes 00:03:16.919 --> 00:03:19.479 or dislikes. Someone who cares and respects you 00:03:19.479 --> 00:03:23.419 will never put you in such a position. Breaking 00:03:23.419 --> 00:03:26.039 your boundaries is another one. Everyone must 00:03:26.039 --> 00:03:28.159 respect and abide by other people's personal 00:03:28.159 --> 00:03:31.199 boundaries, whatever they may be. Someone who 00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:34.080 is uninvited and pokes their nose into your chartered 00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:37.120 territory, in spite of you being extremely vocal 00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:39.699 about it, has no regard for the limits you have 00:03:39.699 --> 00:03:43.419 set and should not even be around you. With that 00:03:43.419 --> 00:03:46.319 being said, never belittle your beliefs or opinions, 00:03:46.599 --> 00:03:49.180 okay? A person who respects you will always... 00:03:49.439 --> 00:03:51.879 will always agree to disagree okay they don't 00:03:51.879 --> 00:03:54.080 have to believe or agree with your point of view 00:03:54.080 --> 00:03:56.460 but they must allow you to have your own and 00:03:56.460 --> 00:03:58.620 respect it even if it's different from theirs 00:03:58.620 --> 00:04:01.219 whether a person is catholic or christian it 00:04:01.219 --> 00:04:03.360 doesn't make a difference you know it's their 00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:06.159 choice you can't force them to be like you and 00:04:06.159 --> 00:04:08.400 they can't force you to be like them and if they 00:04:08.400 --> 00:04:10.699 are again they shouldn't be near you or even 00:04:10.699 --> 00:04:14.310 talking to you as they don't respect you With 00:04:14.310 --> 00:04:15.789 that being said, I'm going to go ahead and cover 00:04:15.789 --> 00:04:17.889 something from the relationship side as it does 00:04:17.889 --> 00:04:21.410 involve this. Cheating and lying. This one's 00:04:21.410 --> 00:04:24.170 basically a no -brainer. Even though the person 00:04:24.170 --> 00:04:27.389 may love, care, or want you in their life, if 00:04:27.389 --> 00:04:30.310 they lie and cheat on you, they absolutely don't 00:04:30.310 --> 00:04:33.189 respect you. You need to keep this in mind. Another 00:04:33.189 --> 00:04:35.009 of millions of reasons why people cheat and lie, 00:04:35.069 --> 00:04:36.829 but sneaking around doing things behind your 00:04:36.829 --> 00:04:39.519 back is extremely upsetting and disturbing. disrespectful. 00:04:39.660 --> 00:04:41.660 An honest person gathers the courage to say the 00:04:41.660 --> 00:04:44.100 truth and then deal with the consequences regardless. 00:04:45.379 --> 00:04:50.439 In that sense, they don't listen. Then there's 00:04:50.439 --> 00:04:53.100 the other side of it. Like I said, they could 00:04:53.100 --> 00:04:55.379 be that person. They could tell you. You won't 00:04:55.379 --> 00:04:57.540 know unless you consider the other person how 00:04:57.540 --> 00:04:59.259 they feel or what they might or might not say. 00:05:00.019 --> 00:05:01.939 If they're not telling you anything, it may be 00:05:01.939 --> 00:05:04.399 because you or that other person, if you are 00:05:04.399 --> 00:05:07.379 the other person, don't listen. And no matter 00:05:07.379 --> 00:05:09.620 what you say or how right or valuable your advice 00:05:09.620 --> 00:05:12.220 is, they always give you a deaf ear. They don't 00:05:12.220 --> 00:05:14.620 acknowledge your feelings and always run from 00:05:14.620 --> 00:05:17.800 confrontational experiences, become silent, or 00:05:17.800 --> 00:05:20.259 talk you down. They always feel like you can't 00:05:20.259 --> 00:05:22.459 get anything through to them, and communing with 00:05:22.459 --> 00:05:25.899 them is such a harrowing task. They constantly 00:05:25.899 --> 00:05:28.639 interrupt you when it's your turn to talk and 00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:30.579 won't let you complete what you want to say. 00:05:30.660 --> 00:05:33.899 They make you basically feel stupid. I deal with 00:05:33.899 --> 00:05:36.439 this on a day -to -day basis, so I can honestly 00:05:36.439 --> 00:05:39.180 say it is very common no matter where you go. 00:05:47.560 --> 00:05:51.079 I'm going to go ahead and keep going. Always 00:05:51.079 --> 00:05:54.240 turns the tables on you. This is something that 00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:56.500 a lot of people tend to do when they don't want 00:05:56.500 --> 00:06:03.029 to talk about something specifically, okay? They 00:06:03.029 --> 00:06:07.389 basically continue to How do I put it no matter 00:06:07.389 --> 00:06:09.610 what the situation they always turn the tables, 00:06:09.670 --> 00:06:12.250 okay? They justify their behavior until the end 00:06:12.250 --> 00:06:14.589 of time and don't shy away from making it all 00:06:14.589 --> 00:06:17.350 your fault every single time They don't listen 00:06:17.350 --> 00:06:19.129 or give you a chance to explain your side of 00:06:19.129 --> 00:06:22.329 the story even if you do express They make it 00:06:22.329 --> 00:06:25.350 all about how irrational or unreasonable you 00:06:25.350 --> 00:06:27.970 are for having unrealistic expectations and totally 00:06:27.970 --> 00:06:30.569 invalidate your feelings. You're never able to 00:06:30.569 --> 00:06:32.870 freely communicate and sometimes choose to keep 00:06:32.870 --> 00:06:35.410 quiet to avoid conflict. This is not healthy, 00:06:35.529 --> 00:06:39.290 okay? And with that being said, they are never 00:06:39.290 --> 00:06:42.629 there for you, okay? Don't we all have people 00:06:42.629 --> 00:06:45.790 in our lives who take a whole lot from you but 00:06:45.790 --> 00:06:48.670 very conveniently don't invest much back into 00:06:48.670 --> 00:06:51.839 the relationship? it's basically like being dating 00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:54.060 someone that you love but it being one -sided 00:06:54.060 --> 00:06:55.860 and you're doing all the work and they're not 00:06:55.860 --> 00:06:58.879 doing anything to compensate you okay they're 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:01.319 quick to lean on you for support and advice and 00:07:01.319 --> 00:07:04.240 help but are never really there when you need 00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:06.240 them and have excuses right at the tip of their 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:09.300 tongue they are never attentive to your needs 00:07:09.300 --> 00:07:11.680 and always make you feel guilty for asking too 00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:15.300 much even though you aren't i run into this a 00:07:15.300 --> 00:07:17.819 lot especially in relationships which is one 00:07:17.819 --> 00:07:21.220 of the main reasons why i'm single it's by choice 00:07:21.220 --> 00:07:26.459 not because i don't want to be on that note issues 00:07:26.459 --> 00:07:28.319 that you run into for people who are like this 00:07:28.319 --> 00:07:31.100 is backbiting they have no courage to come and 00:07:31.100 --> 00:07:33.240 say things to your face so they talk behind your 00:07:33.240 --> 00:07:35.889 back and spread rumors If they genuinely care 00:07:35.889 --> 00:07:38.170 and respect you, they should first come to you 00:07:38.170 --> 00:07:40.129 rather than talk behind your back. Genuine people 00:07:40.129 --> 00:07:42.069 address the issue head -on and give you honest 00:07:42.069 --> 00:07:44.829 feedback, even if it's sometimes hard for them 00:07:44.829 --> 00:07:47.310 to do so, or it's going to be hard for that person 00:07:47.310 --> 00:07:51.430 to hear. You know, a lot of this stuff has to 00:07:51.430 --> 00:07:54.850 be considered in order to help other people. 00:07:54.889 --> 00:07:57.730 But if you don't, well, all you're doing is hurting 00:07:57.730 --> 00:08:00.790 them, okay? They behave differently in public 00:08:00.790 --> 00:08:05.529 as a result of this, okay? Did you ever come 00:08:05.529 --> 00:08:09.509 across someone who is very sweet, caring when 00:08:09.509 --> 00:08:11.910 you are alone with them, but then totally changed 00:08:11.910 --> 00:08:16.610 their colors in public? Basically, it's the same 00:08:16.610 --> 00:08:19.949 type of person, okay? They act like you embarrass 00:08:19.949 --> 00:08:21.889 them and try to hide the fact that they have 00:08:21.889 --> 00:08:25.230 been spending a lot of time with you lately. 00:08:25.389 --> 00:08:29.209 And, you know, they totally shoot down your opinions 00:08:29.209 --> 00:08:31.170 in front of others. They make you feel stupid. 00:08:32.350 --> 00:08:35.389 Don't pay much attention as they should. Such 00:08:35.389 --> 00:08:37.769 people are basically just using you for their 00:08:37.769 --> 00:08:40.309 own needs and they feel they are far too superior 00:08:40.309 --> 00:08:44.190 to be seen with you. This is typically a thing, 00:08:44.289 --> 00:08:47.769 especially for those who are really smart and 00:08:47.769 --> 00:08:52.690 have friends who are so say there for them, but 00:08:52.690 --> 00:08:55.950 all they really want to do is have you there 00:08:55.950 --> 00:08:57.669 to help them with their homework. Don't really 00:08:57.669 --> 00:08:59.929 spend time with you and or hang out with you. 00:09:00.269 --> 00:09:02.850 This is a common issue amongst a lot of people, 00:09:02.950 --> 00:09:05.370 especially in high school and in college, which 00:09:05.370 --> 00:09:08.809 then leads to issues of peer pressure. The irony 00:09:08.809 --> 00:09:11.710 is that the movie Jumanji that just recently 00:09:11.710 --> 00:09:16.710 came out also displays this. The type of girl 00:09:16.710 --> 00:09:18.529 who's too pretty to do anything, the girl who's 00:09:18.529 --> 00:09:21.350 too smart to do anything, the boy who's always 00:09:21.350 --> 00:09:23.669 helping his used -to -be friend by doing all 00:09:23.669 --> 00:09:25.649 his homework, but then his friend always treats 00:09:25.649 --> 00:09:30.960 him like trash. Sorry about that. There's always 00:09:30.960 --> 00:09:32.759 that one person who's in the middle of everything 00:09:32.759 --> 00:09:34.519 who has nothing to do with it But gets caught 00:09:34.519 --> 00:09:37.799 up in it anyway because he's there and he has 00:09:37.799 --> 00:09:40.899 these same kind of people around All I can say 00:09:40.899 --> 00:09:43.379 is this no matter what you do. It is never enough 00:09:43.379 --> 00:09:45.659 for these people Okay, no matter what you do 00:09:45.659 --> 00:09:47.940 for them. They always get a feeling that it's 00:09:47.940 --> 00:09:50.059 never enough They never appreciate anything you 00:09:50.059 --> 00:09:53.200 ever do or even pay attention to know that you 00:09:53.200 --> 00:09:55.039 are trying your best Whether it's an achievement 00:09:55.039 --> 00:09:57.720 at work or all you are looking for is to hear 00:09:57.720 --> 00:10:01.039 I am proud of you Or simply a pat on the back. 00:10:01.220 --> 00:10:03.519 Maybe you can try to change a certain behavioral 00:10:03.519 --> 00:10:06.779 trait that they are unhappy with. Try to make 00:10:06.779 --> 00:10:09.460 them feel good about themselves by being appreciative 00:10:09.460 --> 00:10:12.860 and holding their hands through difficult situations. 00:10:13.240 --> 00:10:16.340 They don't just value your efforts. They always 00:10:16.340 --> 00:10:19.080 take you for granted, and it just seems like 00:10:19.080 --> 00:10:22.019 a bottomless pit of selfishness. And that's just 00:10:22.019 --> 00:10:25.669 how most people are. you know they don't consider 00:10:25.669 --> 00:10:28.110 you they don't consider how you feel you know 00:10:28.110 --> 00:10:30.090 that's the whole point of covering all these 00:10:30.090 --> 00:10:32.690 topics of disrespect is so you know what it is 00:10:32.690 --> 00:10:37.470 and how to deal with it you know it comes in 00:10:37.470 --> 00:10:39.649 different forms and is very subjective to each 00:10:39.649 --> 00:10:42.929 individual it happens in such a sneaky manner 00:10:42.929 --> 00:10:44.809 that you don't even realize you're giving them 00:10:44.809 --> 00:10:48.000 the leeway to treat you like this unknowingly. 00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:50.259 The more you put up with these weird behaviors, 00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:53.379 the more you let them disrespect you. It also 00:10:53.379 --> 00:10:55.460 comes from a place within you, you know, where 00:10:55.460 --> 00:10:57.779 you don't respect yourself enough to feel you 00:10:57.779 --> 00:10:59.600 deserve better, which is the whole point of the 00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:02.399 first 10 topics that I covered in the previous 00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:05.820 episode. We sometimes lack the confidence to 00:11:05.820 --> 00:11:08.019 stand up for ourselves. You must be genuinely 00:11:08.019 --> 00:11:10.440 self -assured and know exactly what you can and 00:11:10.440 --> 00:11:13.360 cannot put up with. Everything starts and ends 00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:15.320 with self -respect. You have to first respect 00:11:15.320 --> 00:11:17.940 yourself. Respect is a two -way street. It can 00:11:17.940 --> 00:11:21.460 never be commanded. It must be earned. I think 00:11:21.460 --> 00:11:23.519 it's more difficult to earn respect than to earn 00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:26.159 money, to be honest, okay? Always put yourself 00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:28.320 first and have high self -esteem. Don't waste 00:11:28.320 --> 00:11:30.480 time on people who are not worth it and always 00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:33.279 know you deserve more. If you are the one treating 00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:36.080 someone else disrespectfully, however, then you 00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:38.940 need to do a self -check and reflect if you would 00:11:38.940 --> 00:11:41.460 like someone to treat you the same way. Otherwise, 00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:45.000 you may find yourself in a... deep pit and you 00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:47.299 will not be able to get out on your own every 00:11:47.299 --> 00:11:49.860 choice you make to ignore or fight inappropriate 00:11:49.860 --> 00:11:52.539 actions towards you will determine how others 00:11:52.539 --> 00:11:56.120 treat you what you sow is what you reap okay 00:11:56.120 --> 00:11:59.659 a very common phrase we all know love and respect 00:11:59.659 --> 00:12:01.679 yourself and you will automatically not put up 00:12:01.929 --> 00:12:04.370 with unacceptable behavior. Stand up for yourself 00:12:04.370 --> 00:12:07.269 because no one else will. And respect is an emotion 00:12:07.269 --> 00:12:09.830 that can also invoke from within. So it naturally 00:12:09.830 --> 00:12:12.009 comes into play when you truly admire someone 00:12:12.009 --> 00:12:15.070 for their abilities. It cannot be forced or bought. 00:12:15.350 --> 00:12:16.389 Keep that in mind.