WEBVTT 00:00:03.029 --> 00:00:06.490 And we're back to Thoughts If It Were You, Moral 00:00:06.490 --> 00:00:09.869 Series by Neogentrix. We're covering self -control. 00:00:10.289 --> 00:00:12.369 In this episode, I'm going to go ahead and cover 00:00:12.369 --> 00:00:16.429 19 reasons why willpower fails. And then we're 00:00:16.429 --> 00:00:19.030 going to follow up this episode with how to build 00:00:19.030 --> 00:00:23.129 self -control if you don't already have it. So, 00:00:23.129 --> 00:00:26.210 first things first. Willpower is an essential 00:00:26.210 --> 00:00:29.170 ingredient in achieving, overcoming, and becoming. 00:00:31.179 --> 00:00:34.500 who you want to be. So let's ask this question. 00:00:34.679 --> 00:00:39.579 Why does it often fail us? Like I said, I'm going 00:00:39.579 --> 00:00:42.579 to give you 19 reasons why and how to fix them. 00:00:43.880 --> 00:00:47.119 But at the same time, you have to still think 00:00:47.119 --> 00:00:50.539 about this from the other person's perspective, 00:00:50.740 --> 00:00:53.380 not just your own. This will also help you see 00:00:53.380 --> 00:00:56.060 a viewpoint of what you need to work on as far 00:00:56.060 --> 00:00:59.600 as all of the other morals are concerned. I know 00:00:59.600 --> 00:01:01.880 I covered respect on how you can tell if someone's 00:01:01.880 --> 00:01:04.579 disrespecting you, but at the same time, that 00:01:04.579 --> 00:01:06.980 topic also covered how you should respect other 00:01:06.980 --> 00:01:09.420 people, as well as when I covered perseverance, 00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:12.939 if you have it, and if not, what to do about 00:01:12.939 --> 00:01:14.560 it. So with this, we're going to go ahead and 00:01:14.560 --> 00:01:19.379 start with number one. Too much will, but too 00:01:19.379 --> 00:01:23.060 little balance, okay? Willpower is basically 00:01:23.060 --> 00:01:25.980 a game of balance, and balance is a game of stability, 00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:29.159 as is known by everybody. The fitness industry 00:01:29.159 --> 00:01:32.120 knows this acutely well, and every new year, 00:01:32.180 --> 00:01:34.299 fitness centers experience an explosion of new 00:01:34.299 --> 00:01:38.099 members around January 1st. Walk into the gym 00:01:38.099 --> 00:01:39.780 the first couple of weeks of the new year, and 00:01:39.780 --> 00:01:43.620 you'll see it happening. People are everywhere, 00:01:43.739 --> 00:01:47.000 as if the concept of fitness was just discovered. 00:01:47.239 --> 00:01:51.000 Kind of like how Pokemon go. basically reignited 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:54.200 the whole fitness thing but as the days and weeks 00:01:54.200 --> 00:01:56.939 go by those numbers lessen and a couple of months 00:01:56.939 --> 00:02:00.200 into the year and the crowd you know basically 00:02:00.200 --> 00:02:02.799 a couple months into the year the crowds thin 00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:09.439 out pretty soon everyone's getting on that late 00:02:09.439 --> 00:02:14.520 pull down machine uh doesn't even like how do 00:02:14.520 --> 00:02:16.900 i let me rephrase that basically everyone trying 00:02:16.900 --> 00:02:18.740 to get on that late pull down machine in the 00:02:19.280 --> 00:02:24.080 in the in the fitness center there's no line 00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:25.740 after a while and you can pretty much just walk 00:02:25.740 --> 00:02:27.520 in there now and use whatever machine you want 00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:30.259 okay we're all prone to thinking willpower is 00:02:30.259 --> 00:02:33.840 willpower is basically all or nothing um it's 00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:36.400 one of the many cognitive disorders that most 00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:39.960 people have and easily forget that without building 00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:42.439 balance into our plan even the most ferocious 00:02:42.439 --> 00:02:48.030 explosion of will is not sustainable And you 00:02:48.030 --> 00:02:52.889 don't want that. Two, dreaded restraint bias. 00:02:54.969 --> 00:02:58.069 Insidiously, our brains are prone to overestimating 00:02:58.069 --> 00:03:00.569 our willpower at various points at which we're 00:03:00.569 --> 00:03:05.889 most liable to take a fall. The best way to phrase 00:03:05.889 --> 00:03:08.810 this is that whenever you think you've mastered 00:03:08.810 --> 00:03:12.569 a temptation, compulsion, or condition, you need 00:03:12.569 --> 00:03:14.590 to check yourself. Let me just go ahead and say 00:03:14.590 --> 00:03:17.469 it like that. if you once again begin exposing 00:03:17.469 --> 00:03:19.810 yourself to the object of your weakness be it 00:03:19.810 --> 00:03:24.610 junk junk food smoking gambling sex wine what 00:03:24.610 --> 00:03:30.030 have you or any other weird third thing research 00:03:30.030 --> 00:03:34.169 and anecdotal experience predicts a backslide 00:03:34.169 --> 00:03:38.449 you will automatically fall back into it it's 00:03:38.449 --> 00:03:41.770 a known fact no matter what happens it can't 00:03:41.770 --> 00:03:53.460 be escaped So to exercise some self -control 00:03:53.460 --> 00:03:54.900 here, I'm going to take the first five seconds 00:03:54.900 --> 00:03:57.620 to say this. Apparently, after my last couple 00:03:57.620 --> 00:03:59.740 of recordings, I was told that using big words 00:03:59.740 --> 00:04:02.599 confuses people. So from this point forward, 00:04:02.699 --> 00:04:04.840 I will attempt to use smaller words for those 00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:06.759 who don't understand some of these words, like 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:10.919 cognitive or overzealous, if it could be helped 00:04:10.919 --> 00:04:16.920 moving forward. Anyway, number three, your self 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:20.699 -control runs low. Basically, we begin our day 00:04:20.699 --> 00:04:23.259 with energy reserves and enhanced focus, but 00:04:23.259 --> 00:04:25.740 as the day wears on and that energy runs lower, 00:04:25.939 --> 00:04:31.040 so does our self -control. Research has suggested 00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:33.199 that people least likely to cheat during the 00:04:33.199 --> 00:04:36.579 day are more likely to cheat at night. Just because 00:04:36.579 --> 00:04:40.579 your will feels indomitable at noon doesn't mean 00:04:40.579 --> 00:04:43.120 that it will be at midnight. In other words, 00:04:43.160 --> 00:04:45.459 just because you feel at high power and control 00:04:45.459 --> 00:04:48.449 of yourself during the day, Doesn't mean that 00:04:48.449 --> 00:04:51.110 same case will be true getting close to bedtime, 00:04:51.350 --> 00:04:54.509 depending on when you go to bed. Keep your eye 00:04:54.509 --> 00:04:56.970 on the fuel gauge and don't overestimate your 00:04:56.970 --> 00:04:59.829 late day resolve. When it comes to clothes, just 00:04:59.829 --> 00:05:04.730 go home. It'll help you avoid doing things that 00:05:04.730 --> 00:05:06.649 you don't want to do that you normally don't 00:05:06.649 --> 00:05:11.410 do. Number four, cognitive loads sap resources 00:05:11.410 --> 00:05:16.779 or heavy loads in layman's terms. Part of what 00:05:16.779 --> 00:05:19.480 saps our energy is how much fuel our brain consumes 00:05:19.480 --> 00:05:22.079 to get us through the day. Around 25 % of the 00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:26.660 body's circulating blood level glucose, to be 00:05:26.660 --> 00:05:29.160 more exact. In other words, that's the sugar 00:05:29.160 --> 00:05:31.439 in your body. And depending on how active your 00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:33.740 brain is. The more mental stress we face, the 00:05:33.740 --> 00:05:36.540 more fuel is needed. That's less energy devoted 00:05:36.540 --> 00:05:39.360 to self -control, and when you need it most, 00:05:39.420 --> 00:05:45.329 it fails. For most of us, our... cognitive load 00:05:45.329 --> 00:05:48.970 is only going one way, and that's up. Basically, 00:05:48.990 --> 00:05:50.970 all the stress and hell that you go through during 00:05:50.970 --> 00:05:53.990 the day. If you can find a way to loosen it, 00:05:54.110 --> 00:05:56.889 you'll loosen the load on your brain, and your 00:05:56.889 --> 00:06:01.910 hair won't be turning white. Number five, entrenched 00:06:01.910 --> 00:06:07.230 patterns are consistently fierce. Can't read 00:06:07.230 --> 00:06:10.129 my own handwriting. Imagine yourself running 00:06:10.129 --> 00:06:12.750 up an escalator that's going down. That's probably 00:06:12.750 --> 00:06:15.970 the best... Example I can give you. The faster 00:06:15.970 --> 00:06:19.290 you run, the faster the escalator moves. You 00:06:19.290 --> 00:06:23.310 eventually do make it to the top, but no doubt 00:06:23.310 --> 00:06:26.290 you'll be extremely exhausted. Or you'll simply 00:06:26.290 --> 00:06:28.810 run in place, or worse, fall backwards to the 00:06:28.810 --> 00:06:30.970 floor while everyone laughs at you while some 00:06:30.970 --> 00:06:34.009 people call in the paramedics. The escalator 00:06:34.009 --> 00:06:38.050 represents the entrenched mental patterns that 00:06:38.050 --> 00:06:41.250 you're running against when you basically exert 00:06:41.250 --> 00:06:44.550 your will. They've been there for a long time 00:06:44.550 --> 00:06:50.529 and aren't going anywhere. To be fair, they've 00:06:50.529 --> 00:06:52.970 been there longer than you've ever realized, 00:06:53.170 --> 00:06:56.129 preferably since the day you were born. They 00:06:56.129 --> 00:07:02.850 are formidably resilient, and changing the patterns 00:07:02.850 --> 00:07:07.449 requires a long game of thinking. So, in other 00:07:07.449 --> 00:07:10.480 words... it's going to take you time and unless 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:12.899 you've played chess checkers or any of those 00:07:12.899 --> 00:07:16.040 kinds of games this may be a foreign concept 00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:29.439 to a lot of you number six automatic thoughts 00:07:29.439 --> 00:07:35.560 sabotage progress how Do so many seemingly strong 00:07:35.560 --> 00:07:39.199 people still fail despite their bluster and bravado? 00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:43.259 It's a question we all ask ourselves a lot. Well, 00:07:43.459 --> 00:07:46.240 much of the time, it's not an external force, 00:07:46.360 --> 00:07:49.319 but the enemy within that takes them down. Your 00:07:49.319 --> 00:07:53.800 unconscious mind, I guess is the best way to 00:07:53.800 --> 00:07:57.740 put it, is what the pioneering psychologist Aaron 00:07:57.740 --> 00:08:01.480 Beck called automatic thoughts throughout the 00:08:01.480 --> 00:08:06.699 day. We don't really know why, but we do know 00:08:06.699 --> 00:08:09.339 that many of these thoughts are negative, self 00:08:09.339 --> 00:08:12.740 -defeating, and downright toxic. And basically 00:08:12.740 --> 00:08:17.480 are there as, well, how do I put it? The negativity 00:08:17.480 --> 00:08:21.279 thoughts basically eats at you and eats up most 00:08:21.279 --> 00:08:24.480 of your thought processes, making it harder for 00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:29.389 you to move forward, if you will. The more real 00:08:29.389 --> 00:08:32.149 those thoughts become in perception, the more 00:08:32.149 --> 00:08:34.470 they define your actions. And perhaps no one 00:08:34.470 --> 00:08:36.889 said it better than the great Stoic philosopher 00:08:36.889 --> 00:08:41.009 Marcus Aurelius when he said, Such as your habitual 00:08:41.009 --> 00:08:45.169 thoughts, such also will be the character of 00:08:45.169 --> 00:08:48.009 your mind. If you can keep yourself in a positive, 00:08:48.190 --> 00:08:52.909 uplifting mindset, negative thoughts won't weigh 00:08:52.909 --> 00:08:57.179 you down and basically defeat you. like a wrestling 00:08:57.179 --> 00:09:00.320 match for the WWE. Using that as a reference. 00:09:01.539 --> 00:09:05.220 Number seven, damned independence. Yes, I said 00:09:05.220 --> 00:09:08.299 it. To say that no one is an island is a vast 00:09:08.299 --> 00:09:10.840 understatement, and we think of ourselves as 00:09:10.840 --> 00:09:13.360 independent, but we've evolved to be socially 00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:16.480 interdependent, if you know what I mean. The 00:09:16.480 --> 00:09:20.120 one man or one woman juggernaut of Will is compellingly 00:09:20.120 --> 00:09:24.950 popular is a myth that makes for a great action 00:09:24.950 --> 00:09:28.490 movie but it's completely wrong anywhere else 00:09:28.490 --> 00:09:31.190 if you think going it alone is a good idea you 00:09:31.190 --> 00:09:35.350 better be ready to fail alone as well on that 00:09:35.350 --> 00:09:38.610 note number eight the introspection illusion 00:09:38.610 --> 00:09:42.950 so you say you want to grab the control of your 00:09:42.950 --> 00:09:46.230 unconscious mind okay that's fine but that immense 00:09:46.230 --> 00:09:49.950 modular processing system we're only starting 00:09:49.950 --> 00:09:54.299 to truly understand and will your yourself above 00:09:54.299 --> 00:10:02.259 and around the past any obstacle um good luck 00:10:02.259 --> 00:10:07.240 with that that's all i can say with that um introspection 00:10:07.240 --> 00:10:10.299 is a decent focus practice or you know such as 00:10:10.299 --> 00:10:13.659 meditation that can better prepare you from getting 00:10:13.659 --> 00:10:17.100 from a to b but none of us will ever thoroughly 00:10:17.100 --> 00:10:20.519 control our minds or bypass hard work and failure 00:10:20.519 --> 00:10:23.950 before succeeding Indeed, it's alarming to realize 00:10:23.950 --> 00:10:27.190 how much is out of our control. Believe me, you 00:10:27.190 --> 00:10:31.590 can't control everything. Okay? And with that, 00:10:31.690 --> 00:10:36.309 number nine. Looked so good on paper. Yes, it 00:10:36.309 --> 00:10:42.830 does, usually. But, well, I'm going to use a 00:10:42.830 --> 00:10:48.970 quote here. Margaret Thatcher said, famously, 00:10:49.429 --> 00:10:53.809 you know, that, iconic iron lady she said plan 00:10:53.809 --> 00:10:56.870 your work for today and every day then work your 00:10:56.870 --> 00:11:01.549 plan it's kind of like um budgeting money again 00:11:01.549 --> 00:11:05.029 that's a topic for another day um it's good advice 00:11:05.029 --> 00:11:06.750 but it should be balanced with an observation 00:11:06.750 --> 00:11:11.929 uh from mike tyson let's use him you know the 00:11:11.929 --> 00:11:14.870 iconic iron jawbreaker that everybody knows of 00:11:14.870 --> 00:11:17.049 honestly i didn't know who that was until like 00:11:17.049 --> 00:11:20.720 three years ago but anyway Everyone has a plan 00:11:20.720 --> 00:11:25.899 till they get punched in the mouth. A UFC reference, 00:11:26.100 --> 00:11:29.820 if you will. Just because a plan or mission looks 00:11:29.820 --> 00:11:32.139 perfect doesn't mean it will work. It simply 00:11:32.139 --> 00:11:35.200 means that you've determined that you think it'll 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:38.440 work. Our brains value stability and certainty 00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:43.000 over instability and uncertainty. So a plan in 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:47.379 free fall failure is an uncomfortable thing to 00:11:47.379 --> 00:11:51.620 accept. Hence the need for internal change management. 00:11:53.379 --> 00:11:57.419 You can't will a plan to succeed, but you can 00:11:57.419 --> 00:12:01.379 exercise the will to adjust your course as needed.