And we're back to Thoughts If It Were You, Moral
Series by Neogentrix. We're covering self -control.
In this episode, I'm going to go ahead and cover
19 reasons why willpower fails. And then we're
going to follow up this episode with how to build
self -control if you don't already have it. So,
first things first. Willpower is an essential
ingredient in achieving, overcoming, and becoming.
who you want to be. So let's ask this question.
Why does it often fail us? Like I said, I'm going
to give you 19 reasons why and how to fix them.
But at the same time, you have to still think
about this from the other person's perspective,
not just your own. This will also help you see
a viewpoint of what you need to work on as far
as all of the other morals are concerned. I know
I covered respect on how you can tell if someone's
disrespecting you, but at the same time, that
topic also covered how you should respect other
people, as well as when I covered perseverance,
if you have it, and if not, what to do about
it. So with this, we're going to go ahead and
start with number one. Too much will, but too
little balance, okay? Willpower is basically
a game of balance, and balance is a game of stability,
as is known by everybody. The fitness industry
knows this acutely well, and every new year,
fitness centers experience an explosion of new
members around January 1st. Walk into the gym
the first couple of weeks of the new year, and
you'll see it happening. People are everywhere,
as if the concept of fitness was just discovered.
Kind of like how Pokemon go. basically reignited
the whole fitness thing but as the days and weeks
go by those numbers lessen and a couple of months
into the year and the crowd you know basically
a couple months into the year the crowds thin
out pretty soon everyone's getting on that late
pull down machine uh doesn't even like how do
i let me rephrase that basically everyone trying
to get on that late pull down machine in the
in the in the fitness center there's no line
after a while and you can pretty much just walk
in there now and use whatever machine you want
okay we're all prone to thinking willpower is
willpower is basically all or nothing um it's
one of the many cognitive disorders that most
people have and easily forget that without building
balance into our plan even the most ferocious
explosion of will is not sustainable And you
don't want that. Two, dreaded restraint bias.
Insidiously, our brains are prone to overestimating
our willpower at various points at which we're
most liable to take a fall. The best way to phrase
this is that whenever you think you've mastered
a temptation, compulsion, or condition, you need
to check yourself. Let me just go ahead and say
it like that. if you once again begin exposing
yourself to the object of your weakness be it
junk junk food smoking gambling sex wine what
have you or any other weird third thing research
and anecdotal experience predicts a backslide
you will automatically fall back into it it's
a known fact no matter what happens it can't
be escaped So to exercise some self -control
here, I'm going to take the first five seconds
to say this. Apparently, after my last couple
of recordings, I was told that using big words
confuses people. So from this point forward,
I will attempt to use smaller words for those
who don't understand some of these words, like
cognitive or overzealous, if it could be helped
moving forward. Anyway, number three, your self
-control runs low. Basically, we begin our day
with energy reserves and enhanced focus, but
as the day wears on and that energy runs lower,
so does our self -control. Research has suggested
that people least likely to cheat during the
day are more likely to cheat at night. Just because
your will feels indomitable at noon doesn't mean
that it will be at midnight. In other words,
just because you feel at high power and control
of yourself during the day, Doesn't mean that
same case will be true getting close to bedtime,
depending on when you go to bed. Keep your eye
on the fuel gauge and don't overestimate your
late day resolve. When it comes to clothes, just
go home. It'll help you avoid doing things that
you don't want to do that you normally don't
do. Number four, cognitive loads sap resources
or heavy loads in layman's terms. Part of what
saps our energy is how much fuel our brain consumes
to get us through the day. Around 25 % of the
body's circulating blood level glucose, to be
more exact. In other words, that's the sugar
in your body. And depending on how active your
brain is. The more mental stress we face, the
more fuel is needed. That's less energy devoted
to self -control, and when you need it most,
it fails. For most of us, our... cognitive load
is only going one way, and that's up. Basically,
all the stress and hell that you go through during
the day. If you can find a way to loosen it,
you'll loosen the load on your brain, and your
hair won't be turning white. Number five, entrenched
patterns are consistently fierce. Can't read
my own handwriting. Imagine yourself running
up an escalator that's going down. That's probably
the best... Example I can give you. The faster
you run, the faster the escalator moves. You
eventually do make it to the top, but no doubt
you'll be extremely exhausted. Or you'll simply
run in place, or worse, fall backwards to the
floor while everyone laughs at you while some
people call in the paramedics. The escalator
represents the entrenched mental patterns that
you're running against when you basically exert
your will. They've been there for a long time
and aren't going anywhere. To be fair, they've
been there longer than you've ever realized,
preferably since the day you were born. They
are formidably resilient, and changing the patterns
requires a long game of thinking. So, in other
words... it's going to take you time and unless
you've played chess checkers or any of those
kinds of games this may be a foreign concept
to a lot of you number six automatic thoughts
sabotage progress how Do so many seemingly strong
people still fail despite their bluster and bravado?
It's a question we all ask ourselves a lot. Well,
much of the time, it's not an external force,
but the enemy within that takes them down. Your
unconscious mind, I guess is the best way to
put it, is what the pioneering psychologist Aaron
Beck called automatic thoughts throughout the
day. We don't really know why, but we do know
that many of these thoughts are negative, self
-defeating, and downright toxic. And basically
are there as, well, how do I put it? The negativity
thoughts basically eats at you and eats up most
of your thought processes, making it harder for
you to move forward, if you will. The more real
those thoughts become in perception, the more
they define your actions. And perhaps no one
said it better than the great Stoic philosopher
Marcus Aurelius when he said, Such as your habitual
thoughts, such also will be the character of
your mind. If you can keep yourself in a positive,
uplifting mindset, negative thoughts won't weigh
you down and basically defeat you. like a wrestling
match for the WWE. Using that as a reference.
Number seven, damned independence. Yes, I said
it. To say that no one is an island is a vast
understatement, and we think of ourselves as
independent, but we've evolved to be socially
interdependent, if you know what I mean. The
one man or one woman juggernaut of Will is compellingly
popular is a myth that makes for a great action
movie but it's completely wrong anywhere else
if you think going it alone is a good idea you
better be ready to fail alone as well on that
note number eight the introspection illusion
so you say you want to grab the control of your
unconscious mind okay that's fine but that immense
modular processing system we're only starting
to truly understand and will your yourself above
and around the past any obstacle um good luck
with that that's all i can say with that um introspection
is a decent focus practice or you know such as
meditation that can better prepare you from getting
from a to b but none of us will ever thoroughly
control our minds or bypass hard work and failure
before succeeding Indeed, it's alarming to realize
how much is out of our control. Believe me, you
can't control everything. Okay? And with that,
number nine. Looked so good on paper. Yes, it
does, usually. But, well, I'm going to use a
quote here. Margaret Thatcher said, famously,
you know, that, iconic iron lady she said plan
your work for today and every day then work your
plan it's kind of like um budgeting money again
that's a topic for another day um it's good advice
but it should be balanced with an observation
uh from mike tyson let's use him you know the
iconic iron jawbreaker that everybody knows of
honestly i didn't know who that was until like
three years ago but anyway Everyone has a plan
till they get punched in the mouth. A UFC reference,
if you will. Just because a plan or mission looks
perfect doesn't mean it will work. It simply
means that you've determined that you think it'll
work. Our brains value stability and certainty
over instability and uncertainty. So a plan in
free fall failure is an uncomfortable thing to
accept. Hence the need for internal change management.
You can't will a plan to succeed, but you can
exercise the will to adjust your course as needed.