WEBVTT 00:00:07.419 --> 00:00:12.220 Good morning everybody, it is 1 .30am. This is 00:00:12.220 --> 00:00:14.859 Food for Thought, Thoughts If It Were You by 00:00:14.859 --> 00:00:18.100 Neogentrics. We're still working on the moral 00:00:18.100 --> 00:00:20.320 series and today I'm going to go ahead and finish 00:00:20.320 --> 00:00:23.219 up self -control and then we're going to move 00:00:23.219 --> 00:00:26.420 into the next moral. In this piece I'm going 00:00:26.420 --> 00:00:29.219 to cover the final thing. regarding self -control, 00:00:29.399 --> 00:00:32.240 and that's how to build self -control. Okay, 00:00:32.299 --> 00:00:34.820 building self -control can be challenging, but 00:00:34.820 --> 00:00:36.920 it is possible to create change in your life 00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:40.979 and manage impulsivity. Feeling more in control 00:00:40.979 --> 00:00:43.179 of yourself and your actions can lead to feeling 00:00:43.179 --> 00:00:46.299 more in control of your life or feeling more 00:00:46.299 --> 00:00:48.939 empowered about who you are and helping boost 00:00:48.939 --> 00:00:54.240 your feelings of self -esteem. A method in which 00:00:54.240 --> 00:00:58.719 you can use to do that is One of the main methods 00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:03.219 in rebuilding your self -control is recognize 00:01:03.219 --> 00:01:06.890 impulsive thoughts. Basically, having strategies 00:01:06.890 --> 00:01:10.269 to help you resist temptation in the moment will 00:01:10.269 --> 00:01:12.430 help you build self -control. Start by making 00:01:12.430 --> 00:01:14.769 a list of the behaviors you'd like to control 00:01:14.769 --> 00:01:17.269 and the situations that often trigger those behaviors. 00:01:17.489 --> 00:01:20.530 And by recognizing the moments when you get the 00:01:20.530 --> 00:01:22.930 urge to act impulsively, you'll be more equipped 00:01:22.930 --> 00:01:26.810 to create a delay between the urge and the action. 00:01:27.569 --> 00:01:31.170 On that note, place time restrictions on impulsive 00:01:31.170 --> 00:01:37.180 thoughts. in your thoughts will help you reevaluate 00:01:37.180 --> 00:01:40.939 your actions from a more rational viewpoint this 00:01:40.939 --> 00:01:44.700 will also help you to learn how to create a delay 00:01:44.700 --> 00:01:46.879 in your actions instead of just acting upon your 00:01:46.879 --> 00:01:52.239 urges for example if spending money or shopping 00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:54.319 is one of the areas that you want to build self 00:01:54.319 --> 00:01:59.599 -control then Place a 24 -hour hold on any purchases 00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:02.620 before you buy anything. You can write down in 00:02:02.620 --> 00:02:04.459 a small notebook what you are thinking about 00:02:04.459 --> 00:02:07.239 buying, and in 24 hours revisit your list and 00:02:07.239 --> 00:02:10.039 decide then if you really want or need that item. 00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:12.840 This will help put a damper on you constantly 00:02:12.840 --> 00:02:14.639 grabbing your wallet every time you see something 00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:18.900 you think you might want. On that note, try belly 00:02:18.900 --> 00:02:22.569 breathing. This suggestion can come in handy 00:02:22.569 --> 00:02:25.270 if you are trying to quit smoking or curb your 00:02:25.270 --> 00:02:28.229 eating habits. If you have a cigarette or food 00:02:28.229 --> 00:02:30.449 craving instead of immediately giving in to the 00:02:30.449 --> 00:02:34.129 craving, set your phone timer for five minutes 00:02:34.129 --> 00:02:37.229 and focus on breathing from your belly. Remind 00:02:37.229 --> 00:02:40.490 yourself that a craving is, well, just that, 00:02:40.669 --> 00:02:45.110 a craving. It's not a necessity. Take the five 00:02:45.110 --> 00:02:47.189 minutes of breathing to imagine the craving slowly 00:02:47.189 --> 00:02:52.169 disappearing every time you exhale. Take note 00:02:52.169 --> 00:02:55.770 of how you feel, and if you still want to engage 00:02:55.770 --> 00:02:58.949 in eating impulsively or give in to that cigarette, 00:02:59.250 --> 00:03:03.909 how do I put this? Try closing your eyes and 00:03:03.909 --> 00:03:06.270 breathing in slowly through your nose. Continue 00:03:06.270 --> 00:03:09.770 filling your lungs. Fully expand your chest and 00:03:09.770 --> 00:03:12.750 lower belly. Finally, breathe out slowly and 00:03:12.750 --> 00:03:16.599 naturally. like you would any other day, using 00:03:16.599 --> 00:03:20.300 your mouth and your nose. This is another way 00:03:20.300 --> 00:03:24.060 to help curb those really nasty temptations. 00:03:25.879 --> 00:03:29.460 If that doesn't work, find a healthy distraction. 00:03:29.960 --> 00:03:32.360 You'll find it harder to avoid the urge if you 00:03:32.360 --> 00:03:36.939 simply sit and fixate on it, which is ironic, 00:03:37.159 --> 00:03:41.120 considering we just covered perseverance. Instead, 00:03:42.020 --> 00:03:44.479 Recognize the urge and actively try to distract 00:03:44.479 --> 00:03:47.199 yourself with something else. This can help distract 00:03:47.199 --> 00:03:50.180 your mind from the urge or craving and give you 00:03:50.180 --> 00:03:52.580 the space to truly decide if you want to act 00:03:52.580 --> 00:03:56.080 on that urge or feeling whatsoever. Sometimes 00:03:56.080 --> 00:03:58.460 doing something with your hands is usually helpful, 00:03:58.659 --> 00:04:02.159 such as crocheting, knitting, folding origami, 00:04:02.219 --> 00:04:05.680 or Well, I can't believe I'm saying this. Even 00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:07.840 texting a friend can be used as a distraction 00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:11.180 so you don't do something you, well, don't want 00:04:11.180 --> 00:04:19.220 to do. Next, have a go -to activity. In addition 00:04:19.220 --> 00:04:22.060 to momentary distractions, actively try to replace 00:04:22.060 --> 00:04:24.779 the behavior you want to control with a substantive 00:04:24.779 --> 00:04:29.649 alternative. By giving yourself more time to 00:04:29.649 --> 00:04:31.769 take the decision, you can make a clearer, more 00:04:31.769 --> 00:04:35.930 empowered decision. For instance, if you're trying 00:04:35.930 --> 00:04:38.129 to stop spending money, you can go for a walk 00:04:38.129 --> 00:04:40.310 in a green space where you won't even have the 00:04:40.310 --> 00:04:43.730 opportunity to shop, like a forest or a park. 00:04:44.250 --> 00:04:47.089 Or if you're trying to control overeating, you 00:04:47.089 --> 00:04:49.509 can develop the habit of hitting the gym when 00:04:49.509 --> 00:04:56.620 the urge to overeat arises. That's just one method 00:04:56.620 --> 00:05:10.939 of building self -control. Next, let's work on 00:05:10.939 --> 00:05:15.120 building long -term self -control. First off, 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:17.639 make a list of the habits or behaviors you want 00:05:17.639 --> 00:05:20.779 to control. If people in your life have made 00:05:20.779 --> 00:05:23.220 suggestions about your habits, take those suggestions 00:05:23.220 --> 00:05:25.579 into consideration. Don't just yell at them, 00:05:25.660 --> 00:05:29.120 which is also rude, by the way. Remember that 00:05:29.120 --> 00:05:33.319 true change comes from the inside, so also listen 00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:36.060 to your intuition and honor how you feel, as 00:05:36.060 --> 00:05:38.459 well as feedback you have received from people 00:05:38.459 --> 00:05:41.759 in your life. You have to be committed to making 00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:44.839 change and building self -control in order to 00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:49.310 truly change your behaviors. Some examples might 00:05:49.310 --> 00:05:52.829 be smoking, eating, work habits, productivity, 00:05:53.389 --> 00:05:57.410 yes, alcohol, controlling your temper, shopping 00:05:57.410 --> 00:06:01.629 and spending money, etc. Believe it or not, this 00:06:01.629 --> 00:06:06.689 list does go on for a while, okay? Second, choose 00:06:06.689 --> 00:06:08.670 the main behavior from the list you'd like to 00:06:08.670 --> 00:06:11.569 control. Start with one at a time. You can start 00:06:11.569 --> 00:06:13.209 with an easy one. It doesn't have to be a hard 00:06:13.209 --> 00:06:15.709 one. We all have areas of our life that could 00:06:15.709 --> 00:06:19.089 be more disciplined and self -controlled. So 00:06:19.089 --> 00:06:21.810 remember to be easy on yourself and take things 00:06:21.810 --> 00:06:24.910 slowly. Look at your list. Choose one thing you 00:06:24.910 --> 00:06:27.910 want to work on. Changing habits takes time. 00:06:28.889 --> 00:06:30.730 It's not overnight. I'm going to go ahead and 00:06:30.730 --> 00:06:33.550 say this right now. And building self -control 00:06:33.550 --> 00:06:38.149 takes effort. Honor your energy and set realistic 00:06:38.149 --> 00:06:42.519 goals. that are achievable, alright? I want you 00:06:42.519 --> 00:06:45.819 to remember something here. Remember that you're 00:06:45.819 --> 00:06:49.259 only in control of your own behavior while choosing. 00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:52.139 For instance, don't choose something like having 00:06:52.139 --> 00:06:54.959 a better relationship with my parents, since 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:57.459 that requires efforts from both of your parents 00:06:57.459 --> 00:07:00.000 as well, assuming you have both of them still 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:04.319 there. A goal such as improving my communication 00:07:04.319 --> 00:07:07.920 habits with my parents is better because it... 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:12.660 It hinges on your behavior alone, more so than 00:07:12.660 --> 00:07:15.500 improving your relationship with them. Be realistic 00:07:15.500 --> 00:07:18.720 about what kind of changes you want to make that 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:22.319 will fit into your life, your time, and your 00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:25.040 abilities. If you try to change everything at 00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:29.319 once, as ambitious as this may be, you can risk 00:07:29.319 --> 00:07:32.680 self -sabotaging yourself and all your efforts 00:07:32.680 --> 00:07:37.139 and basically just giving up. which doesn't tend 00:07:37.139 --> 00:07:41.259 to hurt you in the long run. Third, research 00:07:41.259 --> 00:07:44.680 the behavior, okay, the issue you're having. 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:47.660 Educate yourself as much as you can about how 00:07:47.660 --> 00:07:50.519 others have built self -control in similar situations. 00:07:50.819 --> 00:07:53.699 Ask friends or loved ones who have made similar 00:07:53.699 --> 00:07:57.040 changes in their lives. Do an internet search 00:07:57.040 --> 00:07:59.720 about the specific thing you're trying to change. 00:07:59.800 --> 00:08:03.000 For example, if overeating is the behavior you 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:06.180 wish to decide to change, Find books about impulsive 00:08:06.180 --> 00:08:08.459 eating or binge eating and gather as many helpful 00:08:08.459 --> 00:08:11.420 strategies as you can about how to build self 00:08:11.420 --> 00:08:14.259 -control around eating. Start a journal just 00:08:14.259 --> 00:08:17.879 for eating. Yes, I'm not making a joke here. 00:08:17.939 --> 00:08:20.600 Start a journal just for eating. For example, 00:08:20.699 --> 00:08:23.680 write down or keep track of as many strategies 00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:27.220 as you come across. This gives you more options 00:08:27.220 --> 00:08:30.740 to try to discover what will work for you. And 00:08:30.740 --> 00:08:34.100 don't be afraid to try them, okay? Fourth, take 00:08:34.100 --> 00:08:37.720 an honest inventory of yourself. Keep a personal 00:08:37.720 --> 00:08:40.600 journal so you individualize your experience 00:08:40.600 --> 00:08:43.519 in enacting change, developing awareness about 00:08:43.519 --> 00:08:51.399 your emotional triggers that cause impulsivity. 00:08:52.740 --> 00:08:58.519 The impulsivity... I don't like the way that 00:08:58.519 --> 00:09:01.220 word sounds. I'm sorry. let's just say lack of 00:09:01.220 --> 00:09:04.820 self -control will help you recognize the behavior 00:09:04.820 --> 00:09:08.259 okay nurturing your awareness around your impulsive 00:09:08.259 --> 00:09:11.279 behaviors will help you feel more in control 00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:15.220 of yourself you can also help uh it can also 00:09:15.220 --> 00:09:17.879 help you make decisions about how you want to 00:09:17.879 --> 00:09:20.919 build uh build your self -control it's all about 00:09:20.919 --> 00:09:23.519 what feels right for you and building self -control 00:09:23.519 --> 00:09:26.679 starts with awareness of why you sometimes feel 00:09:26.679 --> 00:09:29.750 impulsive you know staying with the example of 00:09:29.750 --> 00:09:33.370 binge eating examine how you feel when you're 00:09:33.370 --> 00:09:35.690 impulsively eating do you notice that you tend 00:09:35.690 --> 00:09:38.730 to binge eat when you're stressed for most people 00:09:38.730 --> 00:09:42.470 anyway maybe you binge eat to celebrate too you 00:09:42.470 --> 00:09:44.389 know like when your favorite basketball or football 00:09:44.389 --> 00:09:47.970 team wins the game do you find yourself binge 00:09:47.970 --> 00:09:51.370 eating when you feel anxious or sad like watching 00:09:51.370 --> 00:09:57.009 a really sad movie if this is the case then You 00:09:57.009 --> 00:10:03.590 need to. Set a realistic goal. Part of failing 00:10:03.590 --> 00:10:06.710 with regard to developing self -control is getting 00:10:06.710 --> 00:10:09.009 frustrated with yourself for not changing overnight 00:10:09.009 --> 00:10:11.710 or being able to quit a behavior cold turkey. 00:10:12.669 --> 00:10:17.009 Which actually sounds really good. At the time 00:10:17.009 --> 00:10:21.000 of doing it anyway. Set yourself up for success 00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:23.399 in your efforts by setting realistic goals and 00:10:23.399 --> 00:10:26.059 tapering away from the behavior rather than stopping 00:10:26.059 --> 00:10:29.840 it all at once. If you're building self -control 00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:32.340 around compulsive eating, for instance, don't 00:10:32.340 --> 00:10:34.240 try switching to nothing but fruits and vegetables 00:10:34.240 --> 00:10:36.679 all at once because it's way too dramatic a change, 00:10:36.860 --> 00:10:41.299 not to mention unsustainable, and your body will 00:10:41.299 --> 00:10:43.500 not like you for it in the long run.