WEBVTT 00:00:13.169 --> 00:00:15.589 Welcome back, everybody. This is Thoughts If 00:00:15.589 --> 00:00:18.870 It Were You, Food for Thought by Neogentrics. 00:00:18.890 --> 00:00:21.989 The last topic we covered was gratefulness and 00:00:21.989 --> 00:00:26.070 thankfulness. Seeing how we covered that, I guess 00:00:26.070 --> 00:00:27.449 I'm going to have to cover something a little 00:00:27.449 --> 00:00:32.070 bit more in depth soon. But I'm going to cover 00:00:32.070 --> 00:00:34.750 something related to the previous topic, as this 00:00:34.750 --> 00:00:38.439 is the Morals series. We're going to cover something 00:00:38.439 --> 00:00:40.719 related to the last couple of topics that we've 00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:44.079 already discussed in this field and area, kindness. 00:00:45.100 --> 00:00:49.520 By definition, it means a kind act or the quality 00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:52.060 of being friendly, generous, and considerate. 00:00:52.060 --> 00:00:55.020 Now, this one is definitely related to being 00:00:55.020 --> 00:00:59.140 grateful, as it takes a kind heart to first be 00:00:59.140 --> 00:01:02.320 grateful, okay? Being kind is an important way 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:05.459 of... of bringing meaning to your life okay it 00:01:05.459 --> 00:01:08.640 also brings joy to lives of others around you 00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:13.560 being kind allows us to communicate better be 00:01:13.560 --> 00:01:17.019 more compassionate and also to be a positive 00:01:17.019 --> 00:01:20.120 force in people's lives kindness has its true 00:01:20.120 --> 00:01:22.900 source deep within you and while some people 00:01:22.900 --> 00:01:26.120 are innately kind it's something that everybody 00:01:26.120 --> 00:01:29.819 can cultivate by choice so this brings up this 00:01:29.819 --> 00:01:32.420 question okay Since I'm not going to talk about 00:01:32.420 --> 00:01:36.019 how a person can't be kind, let's talk about 00:01:36.019 --> 00:01:39.680 how to be kind, okay? This one's going to be 00:01:39.680 --> 00:01:42.799 a very short one to discuss as it's fairly simple 00:01:42.799 --> 00:01:50.420 to understand. First things first, develop a 00:01:50.420 --> 00:01:56.959 kinder perspective, okay? I know, it's very, 00:01:57.060 --> 00:01:59.420 very simple, but we're going to cover this anyway. 00:01:59.930 --> 00:02:03.969 First off, care for others genuinely. At its 00:02:03.969 --> 00:02:06.769 most basic, kindness is about caring genuinely 00:02:06.769 --> 00:02:10.090 for others around you, wanting the best for them 00:02:10.090 --> 00:02:12.250 and recognizing in them the same wants, needs, 00:02:12.349 --> 00:02:15.229 aspirations, and even fears that you have as 00:02:15.229 --> 00:02:19.009 well. Kindness is warm, resilient, patient, trusting, 00:02:19.110 --> 00:02:24.710 loyal, and grateful. You know, Imperial Ferrucci 00:02:24.710 --> 00:02:29.340 sees kindness as being about... while making 00:02:29.340 --> 00:02:33.280 less effort. Because it frees us from getting 00:02:33.280 --> 00:02:35.500 knotted up in negative attitudes and feeling 00:02:35.500 --> 00:02:39.500 such a resentment, jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation, 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:44.400 ultimately kindness is deeply caring for all 00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:47.439 beings. Practice kindness and generosity towards 00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:51.840 others. Being out of practice, being shy, or 00:02:51.840 --> 00:02:54.139 not knowing how to reach out to others can only 00:02:54.139 --> 00:02:58.050 be overcome in the doing. by continually trying 00:02:58.050 --> 00:03:00.930 until it becomes a natural impulse to be kind 00:03:00.930 --> 00:03:03.990 and giving to others. Ask for nothing in return. 00:03:04.430 --> 00:03:09.629 The greatest kindness expecting nothing comes 00:03:09.629 --> 00:03:13.090 with no strings attached and places no conditions 00:03:13.090 --> 00:03:16.729 on anything done or said. It's one of the ultimate 00:03:16.729 --> 00:03:21.349 goals of a person who's aiming to be, well, righteous 00:03:21.349 --> 00:03:34.129 or right in God's eyes. Next, don't be kind for 00:03:34.129 --> 00:03:36.569 the sake of getting what you want. Beware of 00:03:36.569 --> 00:03:39.229 deluded kindness. Kindness is not about self 00:03:39.229 --> 00:03:41.990 -interest, politeness, calculated generosities, 00:03:41.990 --> 00:03:45.389 or superficial etiquette. Simply being nice to 00:03:45.389 --> 00:03:47.270 other people because you believe that this will 00:03:47.270 --> 00:03:49.430 manipulate them into giving you what you want 00:03:49.430 --> 00:03:52.590 in life or as a means of controlling them is 00:03:52.590 --> 00:03:55.229 not kindness. Nor is kindness about pretending 00:03:55.229 --> 00:03:59.319 to care for someone. all while repressing anger 00:03:59.319 --> 00:04:02.639 or contempt, hiding our rage or frustration behind 00:04:02.639 --> 00:04:06.400 false pleasantries. This is not kindness. Finally, 00:04:06.580 --> 00:04:10.719 being a people pleaser is definitely not kindness. 00:04:11.080 --> 00:04:14.659 That's simply behavior designed to give in and 00:04:14.659 --> 00:04:17.000 not rock the boat because you're afraid that 00:04:17.000 --> 00:04:22.600 taking a step forward will sink the ship. On 00:04:22.600 --> 00:04:25.860 that note, be kind to yourself. Many people take 00:04:26.540 --> 00:04:30.600 You know, actually, yeah. Many people make the 00:04:30.600 --> 00:04:33.420 error of trying to be kind to others while at 00:04:33.420 --> 00:04:35.519 the same time not focusing on being kind to themselves. 00:04:35.899 --> 00:04:39.100 Some of this can stem from not liking aspects 00:04:39.100 --> 00:04:42.899 of yourself, but more often than not, it's sourced 00:04:42.899 --> 00:04:45.779 in the inability to know yourself better. And 00:04:45.779 --> 00:04:48.860 unfortunately, when you don't feel rock solid 00:04:48.860 --> 00:04:51.579 within yourself, your kindness to others risks 00:04:51.579 --> 00:04:54.120 falling into the diluted types of kindness described 00:04:54.120 --> 00:05:00.040 previously. or it can lead to burnt -out disillusionment 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:04.620 because you've put everyone else first. Self 00:05:04.620 --> 00:05:07.620 -knowledge allows you to see what causes you 00:05:07.620 --> 00:05:09.639 pain and conflict and enables you to embrace 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:12.620 your contradictions and inconsistencies. It allows 00:05:12.620 --> 00:05:16.420 the space to work on things about yourself that 00:05:16.420 --> 00:05:19.329 you're not happy with. In turn, Self -knowledge 00:05:19.329 --> 00:05:21.790 helps to prevent you from projecting your negative 00:05:21.790 --> 00:05:24.449 aspects onto other people, thereby empowering 00:05:24.449 --> 00:05:26.470 you to treat other people with loving kindness. 00:05:26.829 --> 00:05:29.550 Take time to become more self -aware and use 00:05:29.550 --> 00:05:32.230 this learning to be kinder to both yourself and 00:05:32.230 --> 00:05:34.769 others as well, remembering that we all have 00:05:34.769 --> 00:05:38.730 weaknesses. In this way, your inner anger is 00:05:38.730 --> 00:05:40.910 being dealt with, and rather than fueling your 00:05:40.910 --> 00:05:44.050 need to project the hurt and pain, avoid viewing 00:05:44.050 --> 00:05:48.709 time taken to become more aware. of your own 00:05:48.709 --> 00:05:54.389 needs and limits as an act of selfishness. Far 00:05:54.389 --> 00:05:57.689 from it, it is a vital precondition to being 00:05:57.689 --> 00:06:00.949 able to reach out to other people with great 00:06:00.949 --> 00:06:03.310 strength and awareness. Ask yourself what you 00:06:03.310 --> 00:06:06.470 think it means to be kinder to yourself. For 00:06:06.470 --> 00:06:09.889 many people, being kinder to themselves includes 00:06:09.889 --> 00:06:13.370 monitoring the chatter in your thoughts and stopping 00:06:13.370 --> 00:06:16.129 your negative thinking. This works with a lot 00:06:16.129 --> 00:06:20.439 of people, believe me. even myself next learn 00:06:20.439 --> 00:06:23.540 kindness from other people think about the truly 00:06:23.540 --> 00:06:25.839 kind people in your life and how they make you 00:06:25.839 --> 00:06:28.839 feel you know do you carry their warm glow around 00:06:28.839 --> 00:06:31.620 in your hearts every time you think of them is 00:06:31.620 --> 00:06:35.439 it likely that you do because kindness lingers 00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:40.019 you know warming You, even when the hardest challenges 00:06:40.019 --> 00:06:43.279 face you. When other people find a way to love 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:45.660 you for who you are, it's impossible to forget 00:06:45.660 --> 00:06:48.459 such trust and confirmation of worthiness. And 00:06:48.459 --> 00:06:50.699 their kindness lives on forever, even within 00:06:50.699 --> 00:06:55.800 you. Remember how other people's kindness makes 00:06:55.800 --> 00:06:58.660 your day. What is it about their kindness that 00:06:58.660 --> 00:07:01.040 makes you feel special or cherished? Are there 00:07:01.040 --> 00:07:04.040 things that they do that you can replicate from 00:07:04.040 --> 00:07:15.459 your own heart? Consider this. Next thing I want 00:07:15.459 --> 00:07:17.920 you to work on in developing your kinder perspective 00:07:17.920 --> 00:07:20.579 is cultivate kindness for the good of your own 00:07:20.579 --> 00:07:24.360 health. Improved psychological health and happiness 00:07:24.360 --> 00:07:27.500 comes from thinking more positively, and kindness 00:07:27.500 --> 00:07:30.199 is a positive mental state. While kindness is 00:07:30.199 --> 00:07:32.899 about giving and being open to others, giving 00:07:32.899 --> 00:07:35.399 kindness returns a sense of well -being and connection 00:07:35.399 --> 00:07:37.939 to us that improves our own mental state and 00:07:37.939 --> 00:07:48.899 health. To be kind, you know, is in itself a 00:07:48.899 --> 00:07:52.839 powerful, consistent reward. You know, it's basically 00:07:52.839 --> 00:07:57.699 a self -esteem booster, if you will. Then next, 00:07:57.759 --> 00:08:00.060 you need to focus on making a habit of focusing 00:08:00.060 --> 00:08:04.779 on that kindness. Leo Balbara says that kindness 00:08:04.779 --> 00:08:09.779 is a habit, and it's one that everyone can cultivate. 00:08:10.439 --> 00:08:13.540 He suggests focusing on kindness every day for 00:08:13.540 --> 00:08:17.180 a month. At the end of this directed focus, you'll 00:08:17.180 --> 00:08:19.740 be aware of profound changes in your life. You'll 00:08:19.740 --> 00:08:22.379 feel better about yourself as a person. You'll 00:08:22.379 --> 00:08:24.800 find that people react to you differently, including 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:27.839 treating you better. As he says, in the long 00:08:27.839 --> 00:08:31.100 run, being kind is a karma in practice. In other 00:08:31.100 --> 00:08:34.220 words, he suggests to help cultivate your kindness 00:08:34.220 --> 00:08:39.240 through these following steps. Do one kind thing 00:08:39.240 --> 00:08:42.320 for someone else every day. Make a conscious 00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:45.240 decision at the beginning of the day what kind 00:08:45.240 --> 00:08:48.139 of act will be and make time to do it during 00:08:48.139 --> 00:08:51.440 that day. Next, be kind, friendly, and compassionate 00:08:51.440 --> 00:08:54.320 when you interact with someone. And even more 00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:56.620 so when that person normally makes you angry, 00:08:56.700 --> 00:08:59.879 stressed, or bothered. Use kindness as your strength. 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:03.259 Build up your small acts of kindness into larger 00:09:03.259 --> 00:09:05.799 acts of compassion, volunteering for those in 00:09:05.799 --> 00:09:08.059 need and taking the initiative to relieve suffering 00:09:08.059 --> 00:09:14.039 are bigger acts of compassion. All while you 00:09:14.039 --> 00:09:17.840 at least meditate to help spread kindness. These 00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:21.740 are ways to help improve that focus and help 00:09:21.740 --> 00:09:26.500 make you feel better in the long run. Then on 00:09:26.500 --> 00:09:29.519 that note, I leave you with this. and we'll move 00:09:29.519 --> 00:09:32.360 on to our next piece be kind to everyone not 00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:35.000 just people in need okay expand your circle of 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:38.340 kindness it can be as easy to be kind when we're 00:09:38.340 --> 00:09:42.340 unconsciously doing you know what stefan dorwick 00:09:42.340 --> 00:09:46.019 terms patronizing kindness this refers to kindness 00:09:46.019 --> 00:09:48.600 giving to those who we feel are truly in need 00:09:48.600 --> 00:09:50.779 the sick the poor the vulnerable the homeless 00:09:50.779 --> 00:09:54.509 and those who align with our own ideals But being 00:09:54.509 --> 00:09:57.649 kind to people close to us emotionally, like 00:09:57.649 --> 00:10:00.409 family or friends, or in other ways from the 00:10:00.409 --> 00:10:02.409 same country or of the same color, gender, sex, 00:10:02.450 --> 00:10:06.970 etc., is also easier than being kind to those, 00:10:06.990 --> 00:10:10.309 as the philosopher Hegel called them, the other. 00:10:11.169 --> 00:10:13.509 It can be more difficult to be kind to people 00:10:13.509 --> 00:10:16.730 we may consider our equals, but it's well worth 00:10:16.730 --> 00:10:20.039 it. The trouble with restricting our kindness 00:10:20.039 --> 00:10:23.659 to convenient cases is that we fail to recognize 00:10:23.659 --> 00:10:25.720 that we need to be kind to everyone no matter 00:10:25.720 --> 00:10:28.419 who they are, their level of wealth or fortune 00:10:28.419 --> 00:10:31.059 or values and beliefs, their behaviors and attitudes, 00:10:31.379 --> 00:10:34.220 their place of origin, the likeness to ourselves, 00:10:34.539 --> 00:10:37.700 etc. By choosing to be kind to only those that 00:10:37.700 --> 00:10:40.500 we feel are deserving of kindness, we are unleashing 00:10:40.500 --> 00:10:45.460 our own biased judgments. and mental capacities 00:10:45.460 --> 00:10:49.360 on those and only practicing what they call conditional 00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:52.580 kindness. Natural kindness encompasses all beings, 00:10:52.659 --> 00:10:55.200 while the challenge you'll face while trying 00:10:55.200 --> 00:10:57.659 to put this broader notion of kindness into practice 00:10:57.659 --> 00:11:01.580 will sometimes be trying. You'll never stop learning 00:11:01.580 --> 00:11:03.879 about the depths of your ability to truly be 00:11:03.879 --> 00:11:06.759 kind. If you're neglecting being kind to someone 00:11:06.759 --> 00:11:09.179 else just because you think they can cope without 00:11:09.179 --> 00:11:11.960 your support and understanding, then you're practicing 00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:14.960 selective kindness. And that in itself is not 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:15.620 true kindness.