WEBVTT 00:00:17.230 --> 00:00:19.629 Hey everybody, welcome back. Picking up where 00:00:19.629 --> 00:00:23.070 we left off from the last episode. Minimalize 00:00:23.070 --> 00:00:27.149 your judgment, okay? Minimize what you do as 00:00:27.149 --> 00:00:29.609 far as what you think a person could be doing, 00:00:29.730 --> 00:00:32.090 okay? If you really want to be kind, then you 00:00:32.090 --> 00:00:34.609 have to kick your judgment to the curb. Instead 00:00:34.609 --> 00:00:36.350 of spending your time being critical of other 00:00:36.350 --> 00:00:38.590 people, work on being positive and compassionate. 00:00:38.950 --> 00:00:41.490 If you tend to think poorly of others, wish other 00:00:41.490 --> 00:00:43.789 people could step up their game. or feel like 00:00:43.789 --> 00:00:45.789 other people around you are needy or clueless, 00:00:45.829 --> 00:00:51.810 then you'll never learn true kindness. Stop judging 00:00:51.810 --> 00:00:54.130 people and realize that you'll never fully understand 00:00:54.130 --> 00:00:56.189 where they're coming from unless you walk a mile 00:00:56.189 --> 00:00:59.310 in their shoes or they literally sit down and 00:00:59.310 --> 00:01:02.310 talk to you and tell you what's going on. Focus 00:01:02.310 --> 00:01:04.689 on wanting to help others instead of judging 00:01:04.689 --> 00:01:07.329 them for not being better than who they are. 00:01:07.930 --> 00:01:10.469 If you're judgmental, prone to gossip, or just 00:01:10.469 --> 00:01:12.930 always bad -mouthing the people around you, you'll 00:01:12.930 --> 00:01:14.390 never be able to move past your reservations 00:01:14.390 --> 00:01:17.349 to be kind. Being kind means giving people the 00:01:17.349 --> 00:01:19.489 benefit of the doubt instead of expecting perfection. 00:01:20.530 --> 00:01:23.409 Along with that, it brings up the next topic 00:01:23.409 --> 00:01:28.290 of developing kind qualities. I may be critical 00:01:28.290 --> 00:01:30.370 of the people around me. And this is just a trait 00:01:30.370 --> 00:01:32.469 of my personality or probably it's signature 00:01:32.469 --> 00:01:35.329 to the way I was raised. But despite how critical 00:01:35.329 --> 00:01:37.390 I am of other people, this doesn't impede my 00:01:37.390 --> 00:01:41.810 judgment. If I see they're in need, if I see 00:01:41.810 --> 00:01:43.549 that they're having a hard time, regardless of 00:01:43.549 --> 00:01:47.510 what I think, I help them. Not helping them just 00:01:47.510 --> 00:01:50.430 out of sheer ignorance or bliss or because I 00:01:50.430 --> 00:01:52.590 want something. I help them because I know they 00:01:52.590 --> 00:01:54.790 need it. And that even if they're not where they're 00:01:54.790 --> 00:01:58.239 supposed to be. I can possibly be that catalyst 00:01:58.239 --> 00:02:00.799 that helps them get them further along in life 00:02:00.799 --> 00:02:03.140 or past that struggle that they're dealing with. 00:02:03.480 --> 00:02:08.039 Which brings us to our first quality, first step 00:02:08.039 --> 00:02:10.979 in developing kind qualities. Be compassionate 00:02:10.979 --> 00:02:13.580 towards others. It's important to take in the 00:02:13.580 --> 00:02:16.780 message, be kind for everyone you meet is fighting 00:02:16.780 --> 00:02:20.250 a hard battle. It's attributed to Plato. This 00:02:20.250 --> 00:02:22.469 saying is a recognition that everyone is undergoing 00:02:22.469 --> 00:02:26.310 some challenge or other in their life, and that 00:02:26.310 --> 00:02:28.530 sometimes it's all too easy for us to lose sight 00:02:28.530 --> 00:02:30.930 of that when embroiled in our own problems or 00:02:30.930 --> 00:02:34.270 anger against them. Before committing an action 00:02:34.270 --> 00:02:36.169 that might impact another person negatively, 00:02:36.330 --> 00:02:39.210 ask yourself a very simple question, which is 00:02:39.210 --> 00:02:42.590 kind of the theme of this entire station. Is 00:02:42.590 --> 00:02:46.449 this kind? If you can't answer this question 00:02:46.449 --> 00:02:50.580 in an affirmative manner, This is a reminder 00:02:50.580 --> 00:02:52.900 to change your actions and approach it immediately. 00:02:53.819 --> 00:02:58.460 Even when you're feeling at your worst, remember 00:02:58.460 --> 00:03:01.020 that other people are also feeling uncertainly. 00:03:01.520 --> 00:03:04.319 Pain, hardship, sadness, disappointment, and 00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:08.319 loss, they all run hand in hand. And in no way 00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:10.360 does this belittle your own feelings, but it 00:03:10.360 --> 00:03:12.979 does allow you to realize that people often react 00:03:12.979 --> 00:03:15.680 from their hurt and pain rather than from their 00:03:15.680 --> 00:03:19.250 whole self. And kindness is the key to seeing 00:03:19.250 --> 00:03:21.949 past the raging emotions and connecting with 00:03:21.949 --> 00:03:35.430 the real person inside. Which brings me to my 00:03:35.430 --> 00:03:39.490 next piece. Don't expect perfection from anybody. 00:03:39.849 --> 00:03:42.310 If you have a tendency towards perfectionism, 00:03:43.770 --> 00:03:47.189 competitiveness, or a driven sense of urgency. 00:03:47.590 --> 00:03:50.689 Self -kindness can often be a victim of your 00:03:50.689 --> 00:03:53.389 ambition and fast pace, as well as your fear 00:03:53.389 --> 00:03:56.129 of being seen to be lazy or selfish. Remember 00:03:56.129 --> 00:03:58.729 to slow down and to forgive yourself when things 00:03:58.729 --> 00:04:01.550 don't work out as wished. Learn from your mistakes 00:04:01.550 --> 00:04:04.469 rather than beating yourself up over them or 00:04:04.469 --> 00:04:07.120 comparing yourself to others. It is through self 00:04:07.120 --> 00:04:09.020 -compassionate responses that you can start to 00:04:09.020 --> 00:04:12.379 see other people's needs in a compassionate light. 00:04:14.020 --> 00:04:18.519 Be present. The greatest gift of kindness to 00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:21.319 another person is to be in the moment in their 00:04:21.319 --> 00:04:25.699 presence. To be listening with care and to be 00:04:25.699 --> 00:04:28.139 genuinely attentive to them. Schedule your day 00:04:28.139 --> 00:04:30.920 differently and stop being known as the person 00:04:30.920 --> 00:04:35.569 who always rushes off. means being available 00:04:35.569 --> 00:04:37.990 you can only do this if you're not rushing or 00:04:37.990 --> 00:04:42.430 squeezing in people or activities like a job 00:04:42.430 --> 00:04:47.990 assignment list ease off the technical means 00:04:47.990 --> 00:04:51.050 of communicating with people you know impersonal 00:04:51.050 --> 00:04:53.389 and hurried technological communication like 00:04:53.389 --> 00:04:56.610 texting and email as they are so cold you know 00:04:56.610 --> 00:04:59.860 they have their place in life but Not as your 00:04:59.860 --> 00:05:02.459 only means of communicating. Take time to connect 00:05:02.459 --> 00:05:06.300 with people face -to -face or via an uninterrupted 00:05:06.300 --> 00:05:10.100 phone call or something. Hear their voice. Send 00:05:10.100 --> 00:05:12.759 a letter instead of an email and surprise someone 00:05:12.759 --> 00:05:15.920 with the kindness of your having taken time out 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:19.439 of your day to even put pen to paper, which seems 00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:22.899 to be a foreign concept to people nowadays. And 00:05:22.899 --> 00:05:25.759 then on that note, be a good listener. The act 00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:28.040 of listening is easier said than done in our 00:05:28.040 --> 00:05:30.639 fast -paced world where rushing and being busy 00:05:30.639 --> 00:05:34.759 are seen as virtuous, but where cutting someone 00:05:34.759 --> 00:05:37.980 off because you're too busy or you need to get 00:05:37.980 --> 00:05:43.839 somewhere in a hurry is the norm. Busy into a 00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:46.699 habit is no excuse for unkindness. However, when 00:05:46.699 --> 00:05:48.860 talking to someone, learn to listen with your 00:05:48.860 --> 00:05:51.100 whole being and sincerely pay attention to them 00:05:51.100 --> 00:05:53.339 until they're done, revealing their thoughts 00:05:53.339 --> 00:05:56.360 and story or how they feel. Truly listening to 00:05:56.360 --> 00:05:59.259 someone, making eye contact, avoiding all distractions, 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:02.040 and giving a person the time of day is one of 00:06:02.040 --> 00:06:04.920 the greatest acts of kindness. Take the time 00:06:04.920 --> 00:06:06.939 to truly absorb what the person is saying before 00:06:06.939 --> 00:06:09.620 responding with a pre -made answer or interruption. 00:06:10.750 --> 00:06:12.610 Show the person that you appreciate the unique 00:06:12.610 --> 00:06:16.110 situation he's or she's in that you're there 00:06:16.110 --> 00:06:18.990 to lend an ear for. Be a good listener. It doesn't 00:06:18.990 --> 00:06:21.629 mean being a great problem solver. You don't 00:06:21.629 --> 00:06:24.230 have to solve their problem, though that may 00:06:24.230 --> 00:06:26.589 help them. Sometimes the best thing you can do 00:06:26.589 --> 00:06:28.350 is just be there to listen while acknowledging 00:06:28.350 --> 00:06:32.129 that you don't know what the person should actually 00:06:32.129 --> 00:06:36.189 do. You know, this is something better than... 00:06:37.240 --> 00:06:40.459 Trying to fix everything or not even paying attention 00:06:40.459 --> 00:06:42.620 like being on your phone while talking to somebody. 00:06:42.740 --> 00:06:46.839 You're not a goddamn answering machine. If the 00:06:46.839 --> 00:06:49.079 person talking to you wanted an answering machine, 00:06:49.339 --> 00:06:50.980 they would have went to the store and bought 00:06:50.980 --> 00:06:54.639 one. Or called one of those automated services. 00:06:56.259 --> 00:06:58.519 If they take the time to listen to you, you should 00:06:58.519 --> 00:07:01.360 take the time to listen to them when they're 00:07:01.360 --> 00:07:05.600 talking to you. It's only fair. And we'll cover 00:07:05.600 --> 00:07:15.800 fairness at a later date. Which brings me to 00:07:15.800 --> 00:07:19.139 my next point. Be optimistic. Happiness, joy, 00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:21.819 and gratitude rest at the heart of being kind, 00:07:22.019 --> 00:07:24.920 allowing you to see the good in others and the 00:07:24.920 --> 00:07:27.540 world, enabling you to press through the challenges 00:07:27.540 --> 00:07:30.100 of despair and cruelty you witness and experience, 00:07:30.360 --> 00:07:33.000 continuously restoring your sense of faith in 00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:35.740 humanity, maintaining an optimistic attitude, 00:07:36.079 --> 00:07:38.360 ensures that acts of kindness are committed with 00:07:38.360 --> 00:07:41.439 genuine joy and cheerfulness rather than reluctance 00:07:41.439 --> 00:07:44.839 or out of a sense of duty or service, and keeping 00:07:44.839 --> 00:07:47.300 your sense of humor and ensures that you don't 00:07:47.300 --> 00:07:51.199 take yourself too seriously and take life's contradictory 00:07:51.199 --> 00:07:54.759 and contrary moments with good faith. It's not 00:07:54.759 --> 00:07:57.300 always easy to be optimistic, especially when 00:07:57.300 --> 00:08:01.319 you have had a very crummy day. But with enough 00:08:01.319 --> 00:08:03.860 practice, anyone can cultivate optimism by focusing 00:08:03.860 --> 00:08:06.040 on the positive instead of the negative, thinking 00:08:06.040 --> 00:08:08.360 ahead to happy things in the future, and living 00:08:08.360 --> 00:08:10.959 a life that is filled with more joy than sadness. 00:08:11.750 --> 00:08:14.209 And it doesn't cost a dollar to look on the bright 00:08:14.209 --> 00:08:16.290 side of things either, so you can keep your money 00:08:16.290 --> 00:08:19.810 in your pocket. Being optimistic and staying 00:08:19.810 --> 00:08:23.490 positive will not only put you in more of a mindset 00:08:23.490 --> 00:08:26.529 to be kind, but it will also bring joy to those 00:08:26.529 --> 00:08:29.250 around you. If you spend much of your time complaining, 00:08:29.430 --> 00:08:31.949 then, well, it will be more difficult to bring 00:08:31.949 --> 00:08:34.149 happiness to the people in your orbit because 00:08:34.149 --> 00:08:35.889 you're having a hard time bringing happiness 00:08:35.889 --> 00:08:39.940 to yourself. With that being said, be friendly. 00:08:40.139 --> 00:08:43.899 People who are kind tend to also be friendly. 00:08:44.039 --> 00:08:46.139 This doesn't mean that they are the most outgoing 00:08:46.139 --> 00:08:49.120 people in the room, but that they make an effort 00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:52.240 to get to know new people and to make them feel 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:55.879 at home. If there's someone new at your school 00:08:55.879 --> 00:08:58.059 or workplace, you can try to talk to that person. 00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:00.879 Explain how things work. Even invite them to... 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:04.379 or her to one of your social events or something. 00:09:04.659 --> 00:09:07.159 Even if you're not outgoing, just smiling and 00:09:07.159 --> 00:09:09.299 making small talk with people can go a little 00:09:09.299 --> 00:09:12.519 or a long way in making you even friendlier. 00:09:12.820 --> 00:09:15.639 And this kindness will not go unnoticed, I assure 00:09:15.639 --> 00:09:18.940 you. friendly people are kind because they expect 00:09:18.940 --> 00:09:21.679 the best from people they talk to new people 00:09:21.679 --> 00:09:24.259 and friends alike in an easygoing reassuring 00:09:24.259 --> 00:09:26.940 way that makes them feel at home if you're naturally 00:09:26.940 --> 00:09:29.159 shy you don't have to change your personality 00:09:29.159 --> 00:09:32.360 completely just make a bit uh more of an effort 00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:34.440 to be nice to people by giving them your attention 00:09:34.440 --> 00:09:37.700 asking them how they are and showing an interest 00:09:37.700 --> 00:09:40.580 in them this is one of the many ways you can 00:09:42.519 --> 00:09:44.879 use to make friends if that's something you're 00:09:44.879 --> 00:09:46.919 having an issue with. And with that being said, 00:09:47.179 --> 00:09:51.580 be polite. Although being polite is not an indication 00:09:51.580 --> 00:09:54.139 of kindness in itself, genuine politeness demonstrates 00:09:54.139 --> 00:09:56.940 your respect for those you're interacting with. 00:09:57.059 --> 00:10:02.080 Being polite is the way is the way that Uganda 00:10:02.080 --> 00:10:04.799 knuckles stuff of getting people's attention 00:10:04.799 --> 00:10:09.259 and putting your point across. Some simple ways 00:10:09.259 --> 00:10:13.009 of doing this include Find ways to rephrase your 00:10:13.009 --> 00:10:15.389 requests or responses to others. For example, 00:10:15.549 --> 00:10:19.850 say may I instead of can I. Say I'm surprised 00:10:19.850 --> 00:10:23.669 instead of that's not fair. You know, say let 00:10:23.669 --> 00:10:25.809 me explain that another way instead of saying 00:10:25.809 --> 00:10:28.789 that's not what I said. You know, rephrase your 00:10:28.789 --> 00:10:32.470 language. Speaks volumes. Have excellent manners. 00:10:32.629 --> 00:10:36.230 Hold open the door for people. Avoid being overly 00:10:36.230 --> 00:10:39.250 vulgar in person. And, you know, don't be overly 00:10:39.250 --> 00:10:42.429 familiar with new people. I can honestly assure 00:10:42.429 --> 00:10:44.129 you this will scare them.