Good morning, everybody. It is a new day. Today
is Thursday. It is 12 o 'clock midnight. Right
on the dot. I am going ahead and continuing with
our previous setting of Thoughts If It Were You.
This is Food for Thought by Neogentrics. Today,
we're going to continue on with the moral series.
And like I mentioned last time, I'm going to
do acceptance. By definition, that is the action
of consenting to receive or undertake something
offered, or the action or process of being received
as adequate or suitable, typically to be admitted
into a group. Acceptance is one of those few
morals that a lot of people out there consider
to be mute, if you will. It's not exactly widely
accepted as... a moral and it's not even considered
something that people consider anymore the only
time acceptance is brought up is when something
needs to be received from someone else and it's
usually not really of value except for the person
sending them to get it okay acceptance in human
psychology is a person's ascent to the reality
of a situation recognizing a process or a condition
without attempting to change or protest it so
With that being said, let me give you five things
everybody should know about acceptance, okay?
The first time someone even posted the idea of
acceptance, you know, I was having a discussion
with a therapist I ran into, okay? And we were
discussing things like relationships and stuff.
And, you know, it brought up a lot of questions
and a lot of things that I... most people wouldn't
even have considered at the time. You know, and
as a lot of people get older, they begin to understand
why desiring something else, something that was,
for the most part, out of their control, was
causing them more pain than accepting that, at
least for now. This is the way it's going to
be, you know? Consider a common saying, especially
from the Buddhist philosopher. Now, keep in mind,
I don't really care for Buddhism, but some of
them make a lot of point. Suffering equals pain
times resistance. Essentially, accepting the
pain or reality or experience or relationship
causes less suffering than struggling vainly
against it for those who have issues with people
around them. Here's the thing about acceptance.
In many cases, we have a choice we can either
accept or reject. And much of the time, rejecting
doesn't change our reality. It just causes pain.
We talk about acceptance in therapy, but we don't
always unpack the word. With that being said,
here are five things we should at least know
about acceptance. The first thing is this. Acceptance
doesn't mean liking, wanting, choosing, or supporting.
Rather, no one is suggesting you like, want,
or support whatever it is that you're accepting.
In the case of a formula, the pain. But by struggling
against the pain, by resisting and rejecting
it, we can create undue suffering. It doesn't
mean that you've chosen or endorsed that you
are accepting this pain. It doesn't mean that
you like your anxiety, want your chronic pain,
would choose your body, or support an injustice
that happened to you or someone else. Rather...
You're choosing to allow it to be there when
you can't change it in the moment. To make a
space for it, if you will. To give yourself permission
to be as you are, feel what you feel, or have
experienced what you've experienced without creating
unproductive shame or anxiety. The pain might
still be there, but some of the suffering will
be alleviated from this. Moving on, the second
thing is acceptance is an active process. It
must be practiced. Remember that accept is a
verb. It's an active process, one that must be
practiced consciously, not subconsciously. It's
rare that we one day choose to accept our emotional
or physical pain, our bodies, our difficult relationships,
or our past. I never even think about it again.
But it requires effort at times, or of the most
time, or at least initially. It can be frustrating
at times, but like creating a clearing in a grass
field by walking the same path many times, every
time you practice acceptance towards something,
you create and strengthen neural pathways in
your brain, facilitating ease in the future.
Practice compassion to yourself alongside acceptance.
Practice acceptance of the challenges you're
having practicing acceptance. It's natural to
vacillate back and forth, back and forth, back
and forth between feelings of acceptance and
feelings of resistance. Make space for the spectrum
of experience and notice your internal critic
quiet. uh quite quiet and i can't say this word
and notice your internal critics shut up let's
just say that uh number three acceptance doesn't
mean that you can't work on changing things okay
many people believe that acceptance is a sign
of apathy passively giving up relinquishing agency
however this Doesn't have to be the case. Acceptance
can be practiced alongside any action. As it
is the basis of acceptance and commitment therapy,
one of the things that psychiatrists do, known
as the ACT, not the one that you take as a test.
This is a totally different one. Acceptance and
commitment therapy is for those who have a problem
accepting that is what is. Practicing acceptance
does not necessarily mean you won't be able to
make a change. You can accept your body and still
change it. Accept your emotions and acknowledge
their impermanence. And accept your behavior
one day when you might change it tomorrow. Which
brings me to the next point. 4. Acceptance doesn't
mean your acceptance is going to be that way
forever. A decade later, the relationship I now
have with my dad is... Galaxy is different from
what it used to be. Granted, it's not a bad thing,
but, you know, it's still something. Like, it's
at the point now where I don't really have to
say what I mean. I can say one word and my dad
will understand what I'm talking about. That's
just how far along we've come. I wouldn't say
that... It's due entirely to acceptance, but
it does show that acceptance does always mean
that whatever you're accepting will be that way
forever. Try to focus your acceptance on the
present alongside an opening and realistic gaze
at the future. Focusing too much on the present
can be counterproductive, as a large part of
acceptance involves letting go of the desire
that things will change. Attaching from hope
that is, in some cases, creating the suffering
that you're very well feeling right now. But
sometimes imagining practicing acceptance forever
can seem daunting and overwhelming or even impossible.
So try to find that sweet spot that you're accepting
the current moment, but not under the pretense
that things will change in the future. And it'll
grow on you. And it'll become a lot easier. Five,
we can practice acceptance towards our experience,
people, appearance, emotion, ideas, so on and
so forth. Acceptance can be practiced in all
areas of your life. You can exercise it towards
your current experience or reality, others' beliefs
or ideas, your appearance, your emotions, your
health, your past, your thoughts, or even other
individuals, just to name a few examples. Again,
this doesn't mean you necessarily endorse whatever
it is that you're accepting in these realms.
Rather, You recognize you can't change the current
nature at this exact moment, and acceptance manages
anxiety and helps calm you down. I encourage
that you share how acceptance has benefited your
life in the past areas. It can be practice that
we don't always think of, and strategies you
find helpful for practicing it might be able
to be of alternate use. As Carl Jung said, What
we resist, persist, is one way of putting it.
So if the alternative to accepting is resisting,
then thereby potentially prolonging your pain,
can't talk this morning, sorry about that, and
creating suffering, what do you choose? You know,
this goes back to the whole main topic of this
entire podcast, things to consider, thoughts
if it were you, basically the food for thought.
You know, Does prolonging your pain truly help
make you a better person? Or does accepting that
this is what's causing me pain and moving on
from it help alleviate it, making you feel better,
a better path? And while it may not seem like
it's the most intuitive way to do it and it may
be hard, keep in mind it's probably the best
thing to do. And in the long run, you'll thank
yourself. Again, thanks. for listening. We're
going to take a short break here and then we're
going to talk about five keys to accepting what
you can't change.