WEBVTT 00:00:07.669 --> 00:00:10.929 Good morning, everybody. It is a new day. Today 00:00:10.929 --> 00:00:14.949 is Thursday. It is 12 o 'clock midnight. Right 00:00:14.949 --> 00:00:18.429 on the dot. I am going ahead and continuing with 00:00:18.429 --> 00:00:21.609 our previous setting of Thoughts If It Were You. 00:00:21.649 --> 00:00:24.269 This is Food for Thought by Neogentrics. Today, 00:00:24.410 --> 00:00:26.829 we're going to continue on with the moral series. 00:00:27.309 --> 00:00:29.370 And like I mentioned last time, I'm going to 00:00:29.370 --> 00:00:32.729 do acceptance. By definition, that is the action 00:00:32.729 --> 00:00:35.649 of consenting to receive or undertake something 00:00:35.649 --> 00:00:39.829 offered, or the action or process of being received 00:00:39.829 --> 00:00:43.750 as adequate or suitable, typically to be admitted 00:00:43.750 --> 00:00:46.969 into a group. Acceptance is one of those few 00:00:46.969 --> 00:00:49.170 morals that a lot of people out there consider 00:00:49.170 --> 00:00:54.689 to be mute, if you will. It's not exactly widely 00:00:54.689 --> 00:00:58.780 accepted as... a moral and it's not even considered 00:00:58.780 --> 00:01:01.659 something that people consider anymore the only 00:01:01.659 --> 00:01:04.780 time acceptance is brought up is when something 00:01:04.780 --> 00:01:07.239 needs to be received from someone else and it's 00:01:07.239 --> 00:01:09.560 usually not really of value except for the person 00:01:09.560 --> 00:01:14.620 sending them to get it okay acceptance in human 00:01:14.620 --> 00:01:17.980 psychology is a person's ascent to the reality 00:01:17.980 --> 00:01:20.920 of a situation recognizing a process or a condition 00:01:20.920 --> 00:01:24.159 without attempting to change or protest it so 00:01:24.969 --> 00:01:29.010 With that being said, let me give you five things 00:01:29.010 --> 00:01:33.930 everybody should know about acceptance, okay? 00:01:34.890 --> 00:01:37.290 The first time someone even posted the idea of 00:01:37.290 --> 00:01:40.950 acceptance, you know, I was having a discussion 00:01:40.950 --> 00:01:43.290 with a therapist I ran into, okay? And we were 00:01:43.290 --> 00:01:45.930 discussing things like relationships and stuff. 00:01:46.030 --> 00:01:51.730 And, you know, it brought up a lot of questions 00:01:51.730 --> 00:01:55.560 and a lot of things that I... most people wouldn't 00:01:55.560 --> 00:01:58.060 even have considered at the time. You know, and 00:01:58.060 --> 00:02:00.799 as a lot of people get older, they begin to understand 00:02:00.799 --> 00:02:03.519 why desiring something else, something that was, 00:02:03.579 --> 00:02:05.980 for the most part, out of their control, was 00:02:05.980 --> 00:02:09.400 causing them more pain than accepting that, at 00:02:09.400 --> 00:02:13.039 least for now. This is the way it's going to 00:02:13.039 --> 00:02:15.819 be, you know? Consider a common saying, especially 00:02:15.819 --> 00:02:18.759 from the Buddhist philosopher. Now, keep in mind, 00:02:18.780 --> 00:02:21.379 I don't really care for Buddhism, but some of 00:02:21.379 --> 00:02:23.840 them make a lot of point. Suffering equals pain 00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:26.719 times resistance. Essentially, accepting the 00:02:26.719 --> 00:02:29.400 pain or reality or experience or relationship 00:02:29.400 --> 00:02:32.300 causes less suffering than struggling vainly 00:02:32.300 --> 00:02:34.819 against it for those who have issues with people 00:02:34.819 --> 00:02:37.180 around them. Here's the thing about acceptance. 00:02:37.419 --> 00:02:39.599 In many cases, we have a choice we can either 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:42.599 accept or reject. And much of the time, rejecting 00:02:42.599 --> 00:02:45.240 doesn't change our reality. It just causes pain. 00:02:45.580 --> 00:02:48.240 We talk about acceptance in therapy, but we don't 00:02:48.240 --> 00:02:52.699 always unpack the word. With that being said, 00:02:52.780 --> 00:02:54.860 here are five things we should at least know 00:02:54.860 --> 00:02:59.159 about acceptance. The first thing is this. Acceptance 00:02:59.159 --> 00:03:02.199 doesn't mean liking, wanting, choosing, or supporting. 00:03:02.460 --> 00:03:06.139 Rather, no one is suggesting you like, want, 00:03:06.180 --> 00:03:07.960 or support whatever it is that you're accepting. 00:03:08.199 --> 00:03:14.419 In the case of a formula, the pain. But by struggling 00:03:14.419 --> 00:03:16.819 against the pain, by resisting and rejecting 00:03:16.819 --> 00:03:22.919 it, we can create undue suffering. It doesn't 00:03:22.919 --> 00:03:26.240 mean that you've chosen or endorsed that you 00:03:26.240 --> 00:03:28.699 are accepting this pain. It doesn't mean that 00:03:28.699 --> 00:03:33.259 you like your anxiety, want your chronic pain, 00:03:33.360 --> 00:03:37.240 would choose your body, or support an injustice 00:03:37.240 --> 00:03:40.219 that happened to you or someone else. Rather... 00:03:40.860 --> 00:03:43.139 You're choosing to allow it to be there when 00:03:43.139 --> 00:03:46.060 you can't change it in the moment. To make a 00:03:46.060 --> 00:03:48.879 space for it, if you will. To give yourself permission 00:03:48.879 --> 00:03:52.259 to be as you are, feel what you feel, or have 00:03:52.259 --> 00:03:54.240 experienced what you've experienced without creating 00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:59.039 unproductive shame or anxiety. The pain might 00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:01.460 still be there, but some of the suffering will 00:04:01.460 --> 00:04:11.330 be alleviated from this. Moving on, the second 00:04:11.330 --> 00:04:14.750 thing is acceptance is an active process. It 00:04:14.750 --> 00:04:18.370 must be practiced. Remember that accept is a 00:04:18.370 --> 00:04:21.410 verb. It's an active process, one that must be 00:04:21.410 --> 00:04:25.850 practiced consciously, not subconsciously. It's 00:04:25.850 --> 00:04:28.569 rare that we one day choose to accept our emotional 00:04:28.569 --> 00:04:32.750 or physical pain, our bodies, our difficult relationships, 00:04:33.009 --> 00:04:35.810 or our past. I never even think about it again. 00:04:35.910 --> 00:04:39.350 But it requires effort at times, or of the most 00:04:39.350 --> 00:04:42.850 time, or at least initially. It can be frustrating 00:04:42.850 --> 00:04:46.730 at times, but like creating a clearing in a grass 00:04:46.730 --> 00:04:49.110 field by walking the same path many times, every 00:04:49.110 --> 00:04:51.209 time you practice acceptance towards something, 00:04:51.350 --> 00:04:54.709 you create and strengthen neural pathways in 00:04:54.709 --> 00:04:58.470 your brain, facilitating ease in the future. 00:04:59.370 --> 00:05:02.350 Practice compassion to yourself alongside acceptance. 00:05:02.589 --> 00:05:04.850 Practice acceptance of the challenges you're 00:05:04.850 --> 00:05:09.209 having practicing acceptance. It's natural to 00:05:09.209 --> 00:05:13.370 vacillate back and forth, back and forth, back 00:05:13.370 --> 00:05:15.709 and forth between feelings of acceptance and 00:05:15.709 --> 00:05:19.310 feelings of resistance. Make space for the spectrum 00:05:19.310 --> 00:05:24.889 of experience and notice your internal critic 00:05:24.889 --> 00:05:31.370 quiet. uh quite quiet and i can't say this word 00:05:31.370 --> 00:05:35.370 and notice your internal critics shut up let's 00:05:35.370 --> 00:05:40.129 just say that uh number three acceptance doesn't 00:05:40.129 --> 00:05:42.350 mean that you can't work on changing things okay 00:05:42.350 --> 00:05:45.310 many people believe that acceptance is a sign 00:05:45.310 --> 00:05:48.529 of apathy passively giving up relinquishing agency 00:05:48.529 --> 00:05:53.079 however this Doesn't have to be the case. Acceptance 00:05:53.079 --> 00:05:55.660 can be practiced alongside any action. As it 00:05:55.660 --> 00:05:57.939 is the basis of acceptance and commitment therapy, 00:05:58.420 --> 00:06:01.480 one of the things that psychiatrists do, known 00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:05.579 as the ACT, not the one that you take as a test. 00:06:05.639 --> 00:06:07.360 This is a totally different one. Acceptance and 00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:09.740 commitment therapy is for those who have a problem 00:06:09.740 --> 00:06:12.970 accepting that is what is. Practicing acceptance 00:06:12.970 --> 00:06:15.250 does not necessarily mean you won't be able to 00:06:15.250 --> 00:06:17.610 make a change. You can accept your body and still 00:06:17.610 --> 00:06:19.589 change it. Accept your emotions and acknowledge 00:06:19.589 --> 00:06:23.209 their impermanence. And accept your behavior 00:06:23.209 --> 00:06:25.790 one day when you might change it tomorrow. Which 00:06:25.790 --> 00:06:29.490 brings me to the next point. 4. Acceptance doesn't 00:06:29.490 --> 00:06:32.589 mean your acceptance is going to be that way 00:06:32.589 --> 00:06:35.990 forever. A decade later, the relationship I now 00:06:35.990 --> 00:06:39.459 have with my dad is... Galaxy is different from 00:06:39.459 --> 00:06:42.199 what it used to be. Granted, it's not a bad thing, 00:06:42.339 --> 00:06:46.199 but, you know, it's still something. Like, it's 00:06:46.199 --> 00:06:47.899 at the point now where I don't really have to 00:06:47.899 --> 00:06:50.519 say what I mean. I can say one word and my dad 00:06:50.519 --> 00:06:52.680 will understand what I'm talking about. That's 00:06:52.680 --> 00:06:55.240 just how far along we've come. I wouldn't say 00:06:55.240 --> 00:06:57.519 that... It's due entirely to acceptance, but 00:06:57.519 --> 00:06:59.839 it does show that acceptance does always mean 00:06:59.839 --> 00:07:01.699 that whatever you're accepting will be that way 00:07:01.699 --> 00:07:05.120 forever. Try to focus your acceptance on the 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:07.560 present alongside an opening and realistic gaze 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:09.519 at the future. Focusing too much on the present 00:07:09.519 --> 00:07:12.040 can be counterproductive, as a large part of 00:07:12.040 --> 00:07:14.000 acceptance involves letting go of the desire 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:16.920 that things will change. Attaching from hope 00:07:16.920 --> 00:07:19.740 that is, in some cases, creating the suffering 00:07:19.740 --> 00:07:22.300 that you're very well feeling right now. But 00:07:22.300 --> 00:07:24.800 sometimes imagining practicing acceptance forever 00:07:24.800 --> 00:07:27.519 can seem daunting and overwhelming or even impossible. 00:07:27.579 --> 00:07:31.560 So try to find that sweet spot that you're accepting 00:07:31.560 --> 00:07:35.600 the current moment, but not under the pretense 00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:38.680 that things will change in the future. And it'll 00:07:38.680 --> 00:07:42.910 grow on you. And it'll become a lot easier. Five, 00:07:42.910 --> 00:07:45.269 we can practice acceptance towards our experience, 00:07:45.509 --> 00:07:49.970 people, appearance, emotion, ideas, so on and 00:07:49.970 --> 00:07:53.009 so forth. Acceptance can be practiced in all 00:07:53.009 --> 00:07:55.089 areas of your life. You can exercise it towards 00:07:55.089 --> 00:07:57.810 your current experience or reality, others' beliefs 00:07:57.810 --> 00:08:00.769 or ideas, your appearance, your emotions, your 00:08:00.769 --> 00:08:03.389 health, your past, your thoughts, or even other 00:08:03.389 --> 00:08:05.850 individuals, just to name a few examples. Again, 00:08:05.949 --> 00:08:08.389 this doesn't mean you necessarily endorse whatever 00:08:08.389 --> 00:08:10.230 it is that you're accepting in these realms. 00:08:10.389 --> 00:08:13.769 Rather, You recognize you can't change the current 00:08:13.769 --> 00:08:17.610 nature at this exact moment, and acceptance manages 00:08:17.610 --> 00:08:21.110 anxiety and helps calm you down. I encourage 00:08:21.110 --> 00:08:23.709 that you share how acceptance has benefited your 00:08:23.709 --> 00:08:27.629 life in the past areas. It can be practice that 00:08:27.629 --> 00:08:30.569 we don't always think of, and strategies you 00:08:30.569 --> 00:08:33.950 find helpful for practicing it might be able 00:08:33.950 --> 00:08:38.600 to be of alternate use. As Carl Jung said, What 00:08:38.600 --> 00:08:43.720 we resist, persist, is one way of putting it. 00:08:43.799 --> 00:08:46.580 So if the alternative to accepting is resisting, 00:08:46.779 --> 00:08:49.559 then thereby potentially prolonging your pain, 00:08:50.299 --> 00:08:53.679 can't talk this morning, sorry about that, and 00:08:53.679 --> 00:08:57.080 creating suffering, what do you choose? You know, 00:08:57.100 --> 00:08:59.379 this goes back to the whole main topic of this 00:08:59.379 --> 00:09:02.620 entire podcast, things to consider, thoughts 00:09:02.620 --> 00:09:04.879 if it were you, basically the food for thought. 00:09:05.580 --> 00:09:11.129 You know, Does prolonging your pain truly help 00:09:11.129 --> 00:09:14.990 make you a better person? Or does accepting that 00:09:14.990 --> 00:09:17.730 this is what's causing me pain and moving on 00:09:17.730 --> 00:09:20.269 from it help alleviate it, making you feel better, 00:09:20.370 --> 00:09:23.809 a better path? And while it may not seem like 00:09:23.809 --> 00:09:26.769 it's the most intuitive way to do it and it may 00:09:26.769 --> 00:09:30.190 be hard, keep in mind it's probably the best 00:09:30.190 --> 00:09:32.870 thing to do. And in the long run, you'll thank 00:09:32.870 --> 00:09:38.259 yourself. Again, thanks. for listening. We're 00:09:38.259 --> 00:09:39.940 going to take a short break here and then we're 00:09:39.940 --> 00:09:42.740 going to talk about five keys to accepting what 00:09:42.740 --> 00:09:43.480 you can't change.