Hey, hey, hey, everybody. It is, I do believe,
4 .23 p .m. on April the 6th. I know it's been
a while since my last podcast, but we're going
to pick up where we left off. This isn't going
to be exactly a moral, per se, part of the moral
series, but we're going to cover balancing politeness
and honesty, like I said last time. In this segment,
we're going to go ahead and cover the difference
between the two. and then i will follow up with
honesty as it's the next moral to do so as like
before this is thoughts if it were you food for
thought by neogentrics so to keep with the regular
pace here balancing politeness and honesty sometimes
the reason for being polite to others is to avoid
hurting their feelings okay being impolite or
rude could lead to conflict awkwardness or embarrassment
Feelings that many people try to avoid when possible.
Being polite, therefore, can mean being dishonest,
deceitful, or even lying. You have almost certainly
been guilty of this at some point in your life,
and the chances are that you will recognize this
trait in yourself as a regular, ongoing occurrence.
That's how you're going to see this, okay? So
first off, what is deception? Deception in interpersonal
relationships is a commonplace. Deception can
be especially prevalent when being polite as
well. Deceptive communication includes three
elements. The first one is this, the information
being communicated is knowingly false, inaccurate,
incomplete or untrue. This can include exaggerated
claims, withholding information and just flat
out lying. Second, false information is being
communicated on purpose. Such communications
are not accidental, misconstrued, or miscommunicated
in some way. Deception is intentional. I'm sorry
to say it, but no such thing as accidental deception.
It's intentional. Third, the sender attempts
to persuade the receiver that what they are communicating
is true. A very common example of everyday deception
communication occurs when somebody being polite
says, uh, hello, how are you? Being polite, you
answer, I'm fine, how are you? They also answer,
fine. In fact, you're actually having a really
bad day and you don't feel fine at all. You have
attempted to deceive the other person by making
an untrue claim, making the claim on purpose
in the hope that it would be believed. The alternative
would be to indicate that you weren't fine, but
in many situations this would not be considered
polite or appropriate. You are being deceitful
by saying that you're fine when in fact you are
not. You may consider that, hello, how are you,
is not really a question at all. It is in itself
just a polite or social nicety. Did the other
person really expect you to respond in any other
way than to say that you were fine? You know,
is saying fine in this situation really a way
of saying I don't want to engage in conversation
with you? These are things you have to consider.
Moving right along, here's another example. Two
people meet in the street. They have known each
other for years, but neither particularly likes
the other. So they greet. Say hello and ask about
each other's families, engaging in some small
talk, okay? One glances at their watch and makes
excuses to leave the conversation. The parting
remarks are, It was nice to see you. We should
do this more often. Call me and we'll have coffee.
But in reality, the feelings were more like,
It was not nice to see you and I hope I don't
bump into you again anytime soon. Please don't
call me. This is more often the case in a lot
of situations. And the reason I bring it up is
most people can recognize this example or at
least something similar or have at least done
this. The communication was polite and well -mannered,
but ultimately untrue. Is a certain amount of
dishonesty acceptable in such situations? You
have to ask this. You know, if both parties had
been completely honest with each other, then
they would have... probably cause defense and
be considered impolite or rude getting the balance
right okay as with many things in life we all
have to manage a balance between politeness and
honesty such balances will be personal to us
and dependent on many factors the good news is
that most people get the balance right most of
the time with practice and experience this becomes
easier and more natural at one end of the spectrum
if you're always completely honest with people,
telling them exactly what you think, you will
probably be considered rude or deemed to have
poor social skills. I've done this before, so
I don't know. This could well mean that you have
fewer friends and less opportunities to meet
people or new people or gain new social experiences.
On the other hand, if you try to be polite all
the time, you will probably not be representing
a true picture of yourself and therefore be deceitful.
People may attempt to do this because of problems
with self -esteem, confidence, or poor assertiveness
skills. Some people find it difficult to say
no when they are asked to do something, worried
that they may somehow offend the other. This
can be problematic if you take on too many tasks
because you never say no, and you will likely
find yourself in a situation where you are not
completely tasked to your satisfaction or to
the satisfaction of others. Dissatisfaction with
personal performance can be very stressful and
negatively affect your self -esteem. Which, in
turn, may make saying no even more difficult,
and so the pattern is basically constantly repeated.
There are, of course, polite ways to say no without
actually using the word no. You know, like, I'd
love to help with that, but unfortunately, yada
yada yada, etc. Okay? It's important to remember
that, as Abraham Lincoln put it, you can please
some of the people some of the time, all the
people some of the time, some of the people all
the time. But you can never please all the people
all the time. And he makes a good point. You
know, all social situations are different and
in each situation you need to use common sense
and good judgment. Common sense and good judgment
come with experience. Experience in turn comes
from observing others, from making mistakes,
learning from what does and doesn't work, what
is acceptable and what is not. Generally, dishonesty
and insincerity can be recognized by others.
and can affect your relationships negatively.
However, there are occasions where when not being
totally honest can aid social interactions, being
over polite, for example, or using more complicated
sentences than necessary. Like, excuse me, kind
sir, would you mind terribly passing the salt,
please? May work on downtown Abbey, but in real
life can be irritating when a simple, can you
pass me the salt, please, would be acceptable.
humor and faux pas i love how this word sounds
it's just it's really fun to say it's a french
word meaning false step it's usually an accidental
or unintentional breach of socially accepted
norms manners or even etiquette as a faux pas
is unintentional a mistake or blunder and not
a deliberate act of rudeness it is often considered
amusing especially to an observer although can
be very embarrassing for the person or people
involved. For these reasons, faux pas are used
frequently in comedy, especially in sitcoms.
Such situations can make the audience cringe,
empathize with, or ultimately laugh at the characters
being portrayed. The more in tune you are with
the rules of etiquette, the more likely you are
to react to the embarrassment caused to others
in such situations. Conversely, if you lack knowledge
or experience of socially acceptable behaviors,
you are less likely to get the joke in the first
place. This can be particularly true across different
cultures or demographics and is why comedy does
not always translate or travel well. The relationship
between comedy and faux pas helped to demonstrate
the importance many people put on acceptable
social interactions in the world in a wide variety
of settings. Learning more about the key things
of communication skills can be effective and
make you a more effective communicator. There
are many different ways you can go about doing
this and learning the difference between the
two. We discussed the difference between politeness
and honesty in this episode. And to be honest,
we concluded that you should not confuse the
difference between being polite. honesty in the
sense that you're being dishonest or deceitful
with the person you are with you know in most
interpersonal relationships being polite is desirable
and an honest reflection of your awareness and
respect for others is what's most wanted however
most people don't have this kind of same desire
and it makes it hard to do certain things and
even move on but if you can learn how to handle
the difference between these two it can make
your life all that much easier, okay? There are
ways to be polite, which we covered in the last
episode, and then there's ways of being honest
where you stay polite and have tact about what
you're doing. Again, I would like to thank you
for listening to my podcast. I hope you have
a wonderful day. I look forward to any possible
interests or concerns that you have. Feel free
to... Shoot me a message when you get a chance
to on any future topics that you would love me
to cover. Next time, we're going to cover honesty
and move on with this moral series.