WEBVTT 00:00:17.480 --> 00:00:20.160 Good morning, everybody. It is 9 a .m. on a Saturday. 00:00:20.339 --> 00:00:22.679 How you guys doing? This is Thoughts If It Were 00:00:22.679 --> 00:00:27.120 You by Neogentrics. Food for thought. We're still 00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:28.940 going to continue the moral series, but we have 00:00:28.940 --> 00:00:31.739 a new segment that we started yesterday. What 00:00:31.739 --> 00:00:34.640 essential skills? Basically, I'm going to cover 00:00:34.640 --> 00:00:36.640 things that people should already have known 00:00:36.640 --> 00:00:43.969 or should know, both in life and otherwise. Topics 00:00:43.969 --> 00:00:46.630 will range between personal skills, interpersonal 00:00:46.630 --> 00:00:49.710 skills, leadership skills, learning skills, presentation 00:00:49.710 --> 00:00:52.750 skills, even your writing skills, numerical skills, 00:00:52.990 --> 00:00:55.390 and parenting skills. Yes, you heard me right. 00:00:55.469 --> 00:00:59.850 I said parenting skills. But we will finish the 00:00:59.850 --> 00:01:03.210 moral series also. So we're going to do both 00:01:03.210 --> 00:01:05.069 of these simultaneously, going back and forth, 00:01:05.150 --> 00:01:07.989 giving you guys a break between the topics that 00:01:07.989 --> 00:01:11.719 I cover. Now, granted, there aren't a lot of 00:01:11.719 --> 00:01:15.439 morals left to cover. Matter of fact, there's 00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:19.760 only 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 of them remaining. So, 00:01:19.859 --> 00:01:22.980 picking up where we left off with the morals 00:01:22.980 --> 00:01:25.980 series, I'm going to cover honesty. Or rather, 00:01:26.140 --> 00:01:31.939 in its other form, truthfulness. Honesty is basically 00:01:31.939 --> 00:01:35.340 being truthful and sincere. While it's not very 00:01:35.340 --> 00:01:37.719 hard to figure out, especially from its definition 00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:41.900 being the quality of being honest, not the other 00:01:41.900 --> 00:01:44.640 one where it basically is a European plant with 00:01:44.640 --> 00:01:46.799 purple and white flowers and a round, flat, translucent 00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:49.480 seed pod that's used for indoor flower arrangements. 00:01:49.980 --> 00:01:52.560 That has something to do with something else. 00:01:52.579 --> 00:01:56.219 That has nothing to do with being honest. It 00:01:56.219 --> 00:02:00.260 is one of the more acquitted traits that people 00:02:00.260 --> 00:02:04.709 nowadays don't have. Society, especially Western 00:02:04.709 --> 00:02:08.750 society, places a high value on truth. Truth 00:02:08.750 --> 00:02:11.629 is the foundation for a fair and just society. 00:02:11.870 --> 00:02:14.849 In court, we require witnesses to swear to tell 00:02:14.849 --> 00:02:16.830 the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the 00:02:16.830 --> 00:02:19.650 truth, because only that way can justice be delivered 00:02:19.650 --> 00:02:25.930 and served properly. However, most modern religious 00:02:26.599 --> 00:02:29.120 Religions also have something to say on that 00:02:29.120 --> 00:02:31.120 matter, and it's clear that they place a high 00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:33.219 value on the principle of truthfulness as well. 00:02:33.599 --> 00:02:36.280 But is truthfulness an outdated principle in 00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:39.120 modern times, or does it still have value? These 00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:44.759 are things people have to consider. As they put 00:02:44.759 --> 00:02:49.379 it in the Buddha religion, three things cannot 00:02:49.379 --> 00:02:55.099 be long hidden. The sun, the moon, and the truth. 00:02:57.119 --> 00:03:00.219 Or, as Jesus Christ put it, I am the way, the 00:03:00.219 --> 00:03:03.560 truth, and the life. Whichever one of these you 00:03:03.560 --> 00:03:06.060 believe, that's up to you. However, they both 00:03:06.060 --> 00:03:11.939 stress the same point. So with that, I'm going 00:03:11.939 --> 00:03:13.879 to go ahead and say this. There are two types 00:03:13.879 --> 00:03:16.919 of truth, okay? There are two aspects of truthfulness, 00:03:16.979 --> 00:03:19.479 being true to yourself and being true to others. 00:03:20.330 --> 00:03:22.849 The two are not quite the same, although they 00:03:22.849 --> 00:03:25.330 are closely linked. Shakespeare, for example, 00:03:25.330 --> 00:03:28.909 suggested that someone who was true to themselves 00:03:28.909 --> 00:03:33.469 was unlikely to be false to others. Or as he 00:03:33.469 --> 00:03:36.129 said it, or as William Shakespeare originally 00:03:36.129 --> 00:03:40.629 quoted it, To thine own self be true, and it 00:03:40.629 --> 00:03:44.889 must follow, as night to day, that thou canst 00:03:44.889 --> 00:03:50.939 not then be false to any man. I stumble saying 00:03:50.939 --> 00:03:53.780 that every time. Keep in mind, Shakespeare is 00:03:53.780 --> 00:03:57.819 not easy to read, let alone quote. I just don't 00:03:57.819 --> 00:04:14.319 have the heart for it. So, truthful people will 00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:16.829 do the following. First thing, understand themselves 00:04:16.829 --> 00:04:19.149 and know their own strengths and weaknesses. 00:04:19.329 --> 00:04:21.649 They will not delude themselves about their successes 00:04:21.649 --> 00:04:25.769 or failures. Two, present themselves in a way 00:04:25.769 --> 00:04:29.050 that show who they really are. The reputation 00:04:29.050 --> 00:04:32.050 that they have will be founded on what they are 00:04:32.050 --> 00:04:34.709 and whether in public or in private, they will 00:04:34.709 --> 00:04:38.269 be the same regardless. Three, meet any commitments 00:04:38.269 --> 00:04:41.529 or promises they make. And four, be accurate 00:04:41.529 --> 00:04:43.730 in their description of themselves or others. 00:04:44.189 --> 00:04:46.509 You know, so that they don't mislead others. 00:04:47.050 --> 00:04:50.490 The importance of truth is one of the things 00:04:50.490 --> 00:04:53.310 that I want to go ahead and cover too. Truth 00:04:53.310 --> 00:04:56.110 matters, both to us as individuals and the society 00:04:56.110 --> 00:04:59.350 as a whole. As individuals, being truthful means 00:04:59.350 --> 00:05:01.350 that we can grow and mature learning from our 00:05:01.350 --> 00:05:03.730 mistakes. Whereas for society, truthfulness makes 00:05:03.730 --> 00:05:07.050 social bonds. And lying and hypocrisy, well, 00:05:07.290 --> 00:05:12.420 they break them. If you doubt this. Consider 00:05:12.420 --> 00:05:14.459 what happens when you find out that someone has 00:05:14.459 --> 00:05:16.980 lied to you. You feel less inclined to trust 00:05:16.980 --> 00:05:19.199 them next time and also less inclined to trust 00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:23.579 other people more generally. Is it ever right 00:05:23.579 --> 00:05:25.779 not to tell the truth? This is a question that 00:05:25.779 --> 00:05:28.540 a lot of people must consider. As Hunter S. Thompson 00:05:28.540 --> 00:05:31.860 once said, If I had written all the truth I knew 00:05:31.860 --> 00:05:34.480 from the past 10 years, about 600 people, including 00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:37.199 me, would be rotting in prison cells from Rio 00:05:37.199 --> 00:05:41.000 to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:43.259 and dangerous commodity in the context of professional 00:05:43.259 --> 00:05:50.060 journalism as well. So, while it's not always 00:05:50.060 --> 00:05:52.500 a good thing to tell the truth depending on where 00:05:52.500 --> 00:05:55.560 you work or live, it is actually a better habit 00:05:55.560 --> 00:05:59.300 to have than to not tell the truth at all. There 00:05:59.300 --> 00:06:01.660 are two possible ways not to tell the truth, 00:06:01.839 --> 00:06:04.220 not to provide any information, and to provide 00:06:04.220 --> 00:06:08.139 false information. First, you do not need to 00:06:08.139 --> 00:06:10.439 tell everyone everything excessive sharing of 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:12.959 personal information is not welcome even if it 00:06:12.959 --> 00:06:16.279 is the truth context is all important and you 00:06:16.279 --> 00:06:18.279 have to consider whether people need or want 00:06:18.279 --> 00:06:21.220 to know sometimes it's better not to say anything 00:06:21.220 --> 00:06:23.980 you also need to be able to remain silent if 00:06:23.980 --> 00:06:26.600 someone has confided in you and asked you not 00:06:26.600 --> 00:06:29.139 to share the information further under these 00:06:29.139 --> 00:06:31.459 circumstances it is therefore appropriate not 00:06:31.459 --> 00:06:35.959 to tell all the truth however Is it right to 00:06:35.959 --> 00:06:39.240 provide false information or lie? You know, is 00:06:39.240 --> 00:06:42.639 the right answer to the question, does my bum 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:47.839 look big in this, ever yes? It's a typical question 00:06:47.839 --> 00:06:51.879 that a lot of people ask. Well, maybe in the 00:06:51.879 --> 00:06:56.420 changing room before this is bought, but maybe 00:06:56.420 --> 00:06:59.819 not. The truthful person will think very carefully 00:06:59.819 --> 00:07:01.839 about the right answer to that question. Truthfulness 00:07:01.839 --> 00:07:04.350 is important, but so it... so is not hurting 00:07:04.350 --> 00:07:06.990 others' feelings as well. Truthfulness and tact 00:07:06.990 --> 00:07:10.149 must go hand in hand, for otherwise the truth 00:07:10.149 --> 00:07:15.490 may be unacceptable to those who hear it. Something 00:07:15.490 --> 00:07:18.350 just to keep in mind. And consider a governmental 00:07:18.350 --> 00:07:21.720 agent, okay? They may need to lie or pretend 00:07:21.720 --> 00:07:23.639 to be something that they are not for the sake 00:07:23.639 --> 00:07:26.220 of the greater good, but they may still be true 00:07:26.220 --> 00:07:28.800 to themselves if they believe in the importance 00:07:28.800 --> 00:07:31.079 of the greater good in the first place. At what 00:07:31.079 --> 00:07:33.300 point does the truth become more important, though? 00:07:34.759 --> 00:07:37.560 This is a matter of personal conscience, okay? 00:07:39.100 --> 00:07:42.139 Oscar Wilde said, The truth is rarely pure and 00:07:42.139 --> 00:07:45.120 never simple. One of the things that I do... 00:07:45.589 --> 00:07:47.810 is that I give people the option when I tell 00:07:47.810 --> 00:07:50.029 them stuff or get ready to tell them stuff. You 00:07:50.029 --> 00:07:53.410 have two options. I could tell you what you want 00:07:53.410 --> 00:07:55.430 to hear or I could tell you what you need to 00:07:55.430 --> 00:07:58.389 hear. But keep in mind that if I tell you what 00:07:58.389 --> 00:08:00.829 you need to hear, you may not like me anymore, 00:08:01.009 --> 00:08:05.209 but I'm okay with that. More often than not, 00:08:05.250 --> 00:08:08.759 a lot of people automatically... want the latter. 00:08:08.959 --> 00:08:10.620 They would rather hear what they want to hear 00:08:10.620 --> 00:08:12.579 and be at peace, or at least that's what they 00:08:12.579 --> 00:08:15.040 think, than hear the truth because they know 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:19.980 the truth hurts. So, before we move on to the 00:08:19.980 --> 00:08:22.019 next section for this episode, I want you to 00:08:22.019 --> 00:08:26.459 think about this. If I had to tell you something 00:08:26.459 --> 00:08:30.160 that you needed to know, or you had to tell somebody 00:08:30.160 --> 00:08:31.839 something that they needed to know, wouldn't 00:08:31.839 --> 00:08:34.940 you at least want to give them the option to 00:08:34.940 --> 00:08:38.279 pick what they wanted to hear? At least then 00:08:38.279 --> 00:08:40.179 the other person would know whether or not they're 00:08:40.179 --> 00:08:43.840 being lied to. This is a practice that I use. 00:08:44.019 --> 00:08:46.500 It may not work for everybody, but it does work 00:08:46.500 --> 00:08:49.320 for me. So with that, the question is, would 00:08:49.320 --> 00:08:51.940 you like to hear what you want to hear? Or would 00:08:51.940 --> 00:08:56.659 you like to hear what you need to hear? Because 00:08:56.659 --> 00:08:58.720 now they have the option to decide whether or 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:01.279 not they want to hear the truth or not. And it 00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:03.820 doesn't fall on you if their feelings are hurt. 00:09:13.419 --> 00:09:16.259 picking up where we left off. So there are some 00:09:16.259 --> 00:09:18.379 circumstances in which lying may be acceptable 00:09:18.379 --> 00:09:21.360 and necessary. It is, however, never acceptable 00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:23.419 to lie in order to make yourself look better 00:09:23.419 --> 00:09:26.340 or to avoid trouble that you have been brought 00:09:26.340 --> 00:09:29.840 on yourself. If you lie about yourself or to 00:09:29.840 --> 00:09:32.320 avoid trouble and people find out, they are unlikely 00:09:32.320 --> 00:09:35.559 to trust you ever again. This brings about the 00:09:35.559 --> 00:09:39.230 next point. You need to find the balance. As 00:09:39.230 --> 00:09:41.230 with many other qualities, you need to find the 00:09:41.230 --> 00:09:43.590 balance in truthfulness, neither overplaying 00:09:43.590 --> 00:09:45.730 nor underplaying either your virtues or your 00:09:45.730 --> 00:09:48.330 weaknesses. It is as bad to pretend that you 00:09:48.330 --> 00:09:50.950 are less good at something than you are as to 00:09:50.950 --> 00:09:54.710 exaggerate about your abilities completely. Teaching 00:09:54.710 --> 00:09:58.330 your children about truthfulness can be hard, 00:09:58.490 --> 00:10:01.070 but you want them to understand that it's important 00:10:01.070 --> 00:10:03.529 to tell the truth. But if they tell you that 00:10:03.529 --> 00:10:07.169 they drew on the wall, you're going to be quite 00:10:07.169 --> 00:10:10.580 cross, aren't you? There is, therefore, a serious 00:10:10.580 --> 00:10:18.940 incentive to lie. Say that it was their sibling 00:10:18.940 --> 00:10:22.720 or a visitor. You may, therefore, need to think 00:10:22.720 --> 00:10:26.639 about their incentives to confess whether or 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:28.919 not they want to, and make sure that they understand 00:10:28.919 --> 00:10:30.720 the value that you put on telling the truth. 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:32.940 You will need to ensure that you demonstrate 00:10:32.940 --> 00:10:36.000 that, not just say it, by rewarding truth -telling 00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:38.450 in some way. Even if you still need to punish 00:10:38.450 --> 00:10:41.529 the original misdeed, find a way to do it in 00:10:41.529 --> 00:10:46.090 a way where it's more productive. I'll give you 00:10:46.090 --> 00:10:50.450 an example. Joe and her children had been helping 00:10:50.450 --> 00:10:52.889 to sort the donation cup boards at the school. 00:10:53.230 --> 00:10:56.389 There were some small toys there, which the children 00:10:56.389 --> 00:10:59.470 really, really liked. Joe told them to leave 00:10:59.470 --> 00:11:01.409 the toys alone because they belonged to the school. 00:11:01.549 --> 00:11:04.360 On the way home, Joe realized that both children 00:11:04.360 --> 00:11:07.340 had taken something from the box she asked if 00:11:07.340 --> 00:11:10.019 they had done it well of course both children 00:11:10.019 --> 00:11:12.080 denied it not wishing to give them the wrong 00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:14.580 incentive joe thought carefully and then said 00:11:14.580 --> 00:11:19.539 and i quote if i find that you have taken something 00:11:19.539 --> 00:11:22.399 i will be cross but if you lie to me and then 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:24.580 i find out that you have lied i will be really 00:11:24.580 --> 00:11:29.960 really cross did you take something of course 00:11:29.960 --> 00:11:32.360 now Both the children confessed that they had 00:11:32.360 --> 00:11:35.500 done so, and Jo explained that was stealing, 00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:37.840 but because they had told her the truth, she 00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:40.940 gave them a choice. They could either return 00:11:40.940 --> 00:11:43.320 the toys that they had taken, or they could replace 00:11:43.320 --> 00:11:47.399 each one with another one from home. Now, which 00:11:47.399 --> 00:11:55.320 one do you think the children did? Just the last 00:11:55.320 --> 00:11:57.960 word here on the specific topic here on honesty 00:11:57.960 --> 00:12:00.899 and truthfulness. It is important to live and 00:12:00.899 --> 00:12:02.960 act in line with your values. Being truthful 00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:04.799 to yourself matters. You cannot live in line 00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:07.860 with your values if you are pretending to, you 00:12:07.860 --> 00:12:09.779 know, pretending to yourself that you are something 00:12:09.779 --> 00:12:12.620 else. Truthfulness allows you to be honest about 00:12:12.620 --> 00:12:15.399 yourself and to yourself and to others and to 00:12:15.399 --> 00:12:19.220 live a life which reflects that. But if you're 00:12:19.220 --> 00:12:23.259 not able to do so, and you're living what they 00:12:23.259 --> 00:12:28.419 call an immoral life, then, well, I have no idea 00:12:28.419 --> 00:12:31.659 what to tell you. As these values will continue 00:12:31.659 --> 00:12:35.059 to follow you through life, into your profession, 00:12:35.240 --> 00:12:39.759 and into your career. I'm pretty sure you enjoy 00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:41.799 your promotions and you enjoy making money, but 00:12:41.799 --> 00:12:43.840 if you don't have a truthful type of personality, 00:12:44.279 --> 00:12:47.139 regardless of what the company may make you do, 00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:52.940 then earning that promotion or being high up 00:12:52.940 --> 00:12:55.480 in the company won't mean anything in the long 00:12:55.480 --> 00:12:59.059 run. Again, thank you for listening. This has 00:12:59.059 --> 00:13:01.820 been Thoughts If It Were You by Neogentrix, moral 00:13:01.820 --> 00:13:04.879 series, food for thought. And today's topic was 00:13:04.879 --> 00:13:07.440 honesty and truthfulness. We'll pick this back 00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:11.600 up with the next moral or possibly another essential 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:12.779 skill next time.