WEBVTT 00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:09.060 Good morning, everybody. Welcome back. It is 00:00:09.060 --> 00:00:12.820 12 a .m. And this is Thoughts If It Were You, 00:00:13.060 --> 00:00:18.260 Food for Thought by Neogentrics. Now, I did say 00:00:18.260 --> 00:00:21.199 there were a couple more morals, but you know 00:00:21.199 --> 00:00:22.859 what? I'm going to hold off on giving those last 00:00:22.859 --> 00:00:25.160 two. I decided to do that over the last weekend 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:28.219 from the last podcast. Instead, we're going to 00:00:28.219 --> 00:00:31.379 cover a couple of essential skills that every 00:00:31.379 --> 00:00:33.719 person should have. And this one is technically 00:00:33.719 --> 00:00:36.479 considered a moral. But I'm going to put it under 00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:39.679 essential skills. Anyway. We're going to cover 00:00:39.679 --> 00:00:44.899 humility. It's basically humbleness or... How 00:00:44.899 --> 00:00:47.159 do I put this? Humbleness or humility is perhaps 00:00:47.159 --> 00:00:53.659 an underrated virtue. It sounds like a very biblical 00:00:53.659 --> 00:00:56.320 trait for most people. And indeed, many of the 00:00:56.320 --> 00:00:58.399 great religious leaders have been described and 00:00:58.399 --> 00:01:02.380 celebrated as very humble. But... However... 00:01:02.679 --> 00:01:04.760 Just because humility is old -fashioned doesn't 00:01:04.760 --> 00:01:12.379 mean it no longer is important. Humility, if 00:01:12.379 --> 00:01:15.079 we use it as a noun for that matter, is the state 00:01:15.079 --> 00:01:17.599 or quality of being humble, lowliness of mind, 00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:21.599 modesty. Whereas its adjective definition says, 00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:25.799 lowly, modest, unpretentious, having a low opinion 00:01:25.799 --> 00:01:29.939 of oneself. This doesn't necessarily mean that... 00:01:38.379 --> 00:01:40.920 These definitions make humility sound like a 00:01:40.920 --> 00:01:43.780 very negative quality, but humility is, as practiced 00:01:43.780 --> 00:01:47.540 by the great religious leaders, was not negative. 00:01:47.700 --> 00:01:50.180 Their opinion of themselves were low only in 00:01:50.180 --> 00:01:51.819 the sense that they understood that they were 00:01:51.819 --> 00:01:54.739 not more important than others. They also understood 00:01:54.739 --> 00:01:57.219 that they were not less important than others. 00:01:58.969 --> 00:02:01.969 Either Jesus, for example, was not afraid to 00:02:01.969 --> 00:02:06.129 fight for his right to speak out for others, 00:02:06.250 --> 00:02:08.409 especially those who were poor and struggling. 00:02:08.689 --> 00:02:11.370 And he spoke to those in authority in exactly 00:02:11.370 --> 00:02:14.569 the same way he spoke to everyone else. Ooh, 00:02:14.610 --> 00:02:19.729 excuse me. I had a long day. In other words, 00:02:19.810 --> 00:02:23.370 humility is not being a doormat, okay, and allowing 00:02:23.370 --> 00:02:25.979 people to walk over you. Instead, it's the understanding 00:02:25.979 --> 00:02:28.500 that every human is equally valuable, a recognition 00:02:28.500 --> 00:02:32.259 that you are worth no less and no more than anyone 00:02:32.259 --> 00:02:35.360 else. So this brings up the question, why does 00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:37.979 humility even matter? I'm going to be honest 00:02:37.979 --> 00:02:39.639 with you. One of the reasons why humility seems 00:02:39.639 --> 00:02:43.539 old -fashioned is that we're often made to feel 00:02:43.539 --> 00:02:45.520 that we need to look out for ourselves because 00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:48.360 nobody else will do so. You know, it's a dog 00:02:48.360 --> 00:02:51.569 -eat -dog world. This point of view suggests 00:02:51.569 --> 00:02:53.530 that you need to be aggressive to get what you 00:02:53.530 --> 00:02:56.550 need in life, which, along with pride, is perhaps 00:02:56.550 --> 00:03:02.050 the very opposite of humility. I will cover assertiveness 00:03:02.050 --> 00:03:07.069 at a later date, but, however, it's easier to 00:03:07.069 --> 00:03:09.990 argue that it is more appropriate to be assertive 00:03:09.990 --> 00:03:14.069 to be able to stand up for oneself and others 00:03:14.069 --> 00:03:18.069 and put in your point of view calmly. Assertiveness 00:03:18.069 --> 00:03:21.900 is very... is very definitely compatible with 00:03:21.900 --> 00:03:24.919 humility. It recognizes that everyone has an 00:03:24.919 --> 00:03:27.740 equal right to be heard and enables everyone 00:03:27.740 --> 00:03:31.479 to put their own point across. Indeed, it is 00:03:31.479 --> 00:03:34.879 quite possible to argue that not only is assertiveness 00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:36.960 compatible with humility, but humility is absolutely 00:03:36.960 --> 00:03:40.259 essential for developing assertiveness. In other 00:03:40.259 --> 00:03:43.340 words, without a recognition that you are No 00:03:43.340 --> 00:03:45.759 more or less important than others. It's important 00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:47.719 to recognize that everyone has an equal right 00:03:47.719 --> 00:03:51.840 to be heard or indeed to be listened to or listened 00:03:51.840 --> 00:03:57.300 to others openly. Okay? So, I ask you this. What 00:03:57.300 --> 00:04:00.699 about the fit between humility and self -esteem? 00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:04.680 And someone asked me this earlier today. Self 00:04:04.680 --> 00:04:06.800 -esteem is how you feel about yourself, okay? 00:04:06.939 --> 00:04:10.139 The definition says that humility is having a 00:04:10.139 --> 00:04:12.909 low... low opinion of oneself, which is clearly 00:04:12.909 --> 00:04:16.209 closely linked to self -esteem. And being humble, 00:04:16.290 --> 00:04:18.449 however, does not mean having a poor opinion 00:04:18.449 --> 00:04:20.870 of yourself, but rather accepting yourself as 00:04:20.870 --> 00:04:23.870 you are and your many good qualities as well 00:04:23.870 --> 00:04:26.850 as your limitations, recognizing that others 00:04:26.850 --> 00:04:29.509 also have good qualities and are equally valuable. 00:04:38.920 --> 00:04:41.139 Let's go ahead and talk about how one can develop 00:04:41.139 --> 00:04:43.959 their own humility. For many of us, humility 00:04:43.959 --> 00:04:45.800 is one of the hardest traits to develop because 00:04:45.800 --> 00:04:48.540 it has to start from a recognition that you are 00:04:48.540 --> 00:04:51.100 not always right and that you do not have all 00:04:51.100 --> 00:04:53.519 the answers, which we covered in a previous episode. 00:04:54.199 --> 00:04:56.660 It also requires an acceptance of yourself, which 00:04:56.660 --> 00:04:59.519 many of us find challenging. It is relatively 00:04:59.519 --> 00:05:01.699 easy to be humble when you are at the bottom 00:05:01.699 --> 00:05:04.939 of the tree, as it were, you know, new in a job 00:05:04.939 --> 00:05:08.870 or a very junior or... The more senior you get, 00:05:08.970 --> 00:05:11.850 however, though, the more likely you are to have 00:05:11.850 --> 00:05:14.209 people looking to you for answers and the more 00:05:14.209 --> 00:05:16.370 you find yourself believing that you can help. 00:05:16.949 --> 00:05:20.250 If you're not careful, you can reach senior's 00:05:20.250 --> 00:05:23.670 position just the moment at which you most need 00:05:23.670 --> 00:05:26.009 humility, believing that you are more or less 00:05:26.009 --> 00:05:32.149 infallible. You need to try this. Try to cultivate 00:05:32.149 --> 00:05:34.329 some humility when you reach that seniority level. 00:05:35.050 --> 00:05:37.029 You may want to try a couple of these activities 00:05:37.029 --> 00:05:40.170 here. I have a few on my list here. First off, 00:05:40.189 --> 00:05:42.230 spend time listening to others before you open 00:05:42.230 --> 00:05:46.829 your fat mouth. A key quality of humbleness is 00:05:46.829 --> 00:05:49.449 to value others and enable them to be heard. 00:05:49.970 --> 00:05:51.730 Spending time listening to others and drawing 00:05:51.730 --> 00:05:53.829 out their feelings and values and enabling them 00:05:53.829 --> 00:05:55.930 to express themselves is a very powerful way 00:05:55.930 --> 00:05:58.370 to start to understand this. It's important to 00:05:58.370 --> 00:06:00.110 remember that you are not trying to solve their 00:06:00.110 --> 00:06:03.709 problems. I can't stress that enough. Or even 00:06:03.709 --> 00:06:08.449 answer them. Just listen and respond to them 00:06:08.449 --> 00:06:12.389 as a fellow human. Practice mindfulness. Focus 00:06:12.389 --> 00:06:15.430 on the present. A key part of mindfulness is 00:06:15.430 --> 00:06:19.449 accepting what is, rather than judging and commenting 00:06:19.449 --> 00:06:22.209 on it. An important element of humility is accepting 00:06:22.209 --> 00:06:24.410 yourself for all your faults, rather than judging 00:06:24.410 --> 00:06:26.990 yourself for your shortcomings. That doesn't 00:06:26.990 --> 00:06:29.889 mean that you shouldn't strive to improve, but 00:06:29.889 --> 00:06:33.970 positively, rather than berating yourself. your 00:06:33.970 --> 00:06:36.949 negative qualities. On that note, be grateful 00:06:36.949 --> 00:06:40.170 for what you have. In other words, take the time 00:06:40.170 --> 00:06:42.569 to count your blessings and be thankful for them. 00:06:42.970 --> 00:06:44.970 It is easy to get sucked into a negative spiral 00:06:44.970 --> 00:06:47.449 of wanting more, whether in yourself or externally. 00:06:47.649 --> 00:06:49.610 Take time to stop and remember that you have 00:06:49.610 --> 00:06:53.629 to be grateful for, and it is a good way to cultivate 00:06:53.629 --> 00:06:56.709 a more humble, positive frame of mind. I'll be 00:06:56.709 --> 00:07:01.449 honest with you, it's not that hard to do this. 00:07:01.490 --> 00:07:04.589 It's just that it becomes difficult to be consistent. 00:07:04.889 --> 00:07:08.189 And with that being said, no one asks for help 00:07:08.189 --> 00:07:11.509 when you need it. There is as many of us will 00:07:11.509 --> 00:07:15.209 really recognize a form of pride that lies in 00:07:15.209 --> 00:07:17.649 being able to solve the problems ourselves. Humility, 00:07:17.649 --> 00:07:20.550 therefore, lies in recognizing when we need the 00:07:20.550 --> 00:07:23.790 help that we don't think we need and being able 00:07:23.790 --> 00:07:26.189 to ask for it appropriately. You may find it 00:07:26.189 --> 00:07:31.240 helpful to read through lots of pages. find different 00:07:31.240 --> 00:07:33.300 kinds of analysis on how to handle things, but 00:07:33.300 --> 00:07:35.839 in reality, you just need to take a back and 00:07:35.839 --> 00:07:39.139 let other people help you instead of trying to 00:07:39.139 --> 00:07:42.819 help everyone else. On that note, if you can't 00:07:42.819 --> 00:07:44.779 seem to figure this out on your own, seek feedback 00:07:44.779 --> 00:07:47.579 from others on a regular basis. This is perhaps 00:07:47.579 --> 00:07:51.540 particularly important specifically for leaders 00:07:51.540 --> 00:07:54.519 of any kind. I've been a manager before, so I 00:07:54.519 --> 00:07:58.480 can understand this, but we... can all gain from 00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:00.720 hearing what others think of us. Take time to 00:08:00.720 --> 00:08:03.279 answer others to provide feedback anonymously 00:08:03.279 --> 00:08:06.100 if necessary, and make it clear that you welcome 00:08:06.100 --> 00:08:08.980 their opinions. Listen to their feedback openly 00:08:08.980 --> 00:08:12.560 and be grateful. I .e., shut up, don't run your 00:08:12.560 --> 00:08:15.060 mouth, hear what they have to say, listen to 00:08:15.060 --> 00:08:17.000 it and understand before you just turn around 00:08:17.000 --> 00:08:45.720 and say that they're wrong. Okay, well, let's 00:08:45.720 --> 00:08:47.539 go ahead and finish this off like I promised. 00:08:48.700 --> 00:08:52.039 With that last topic in mind that we just covered, 00:08:52.179 --> 00:08:54.559 there's only one other thing left for you to 00:08:54.559 --> 00:08:59.080 do. Review your actions against the language 00:08:59.080 --> 00:09:02.759 of pride, okay? Pride and arrogance, which also 00:09:02.759 --> 00:09:06.659 covers smugness, snobbery, vanity, unpleasant 00:09:06.659 --> 00:09:12.049 works, smoldering intensity for no reason. It 00:09:12.049 --> 00:09:14.830 can sometimes be hard to avoid feelings of being 00:09:14.830 --> 00:09:19.269 a bit proud about oneself or vain or even snobbish, 00:09:19.330 --> 00:09:22.750 but it is often quite pleasant to feel like that. 00:09:22.889 --> 00:09:27.350 For example, if we have done something good and 00:09:27.350 --> 00:09:31.610 everyone is praising us, however, we tend not 00:09:31.610 --> 00:09:34.429 to call these feelings by name because the words 00:09:34.429 --> 00:09:37.429 themselves carry negative connotations. However, 00:09:37.789 --> 00:09:40.549 that's not always the case. It's okay to have 00:09:40.549 --> 00:09:43.820 pride. And to be a little smug. It's when it 00:09:43.820 --> 00:09:46.259 gets out of hand. It's when you need the humility. 00:09:47.559 --> 00:09:50.000 To cultivate humility however. You need to review 00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:52.460 your feelings against the works. Ask yourself. 00:09:52.980 --> 00:09:56.960 Was that snobbish the way I said that? Or was 00:09:56.960 --> 00:09:59.360 I being a bit vain there? Or how about this? 00:09:59.820 --> 00:10:03.360 And to be honest about the answers. You know. 00:10:05.960 --> 00:10:08.379 Recognizing and naming these feelings for what 00:10:08.379 --> 00:10:11.259 they are is a good step towards being humble. 00:10:14.200 --> 00:10:17.480 Just a final thought before I close this out 00:10:17.480 --> 00:10:20.580 here on humility. It may sound old -fashioned, 00:10:20.659 --> 00:10:23.700 but it does not mean that a little humbleness 00:10:23.700 --> 00:10:27.440 is not as important as it is now. In an era which 00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:33.320 many bemoan the growing selfishness and the eye 00:10:33.320 --> 00:10:35.769 -focus of the world, perhaps we should all strive 00:10:35.769 --> 00:10:38.429 to develop a more humble approach. And the reason 00:10:38.429 --> 00:10:42.330 for this is to keep us in a good mindset and 00:10:42.330 --> 00:10:47.450 at the same time, keep our sanity in check. This 00:10:47.450 --> 00:10:50.889 is something that we all need. Again, thank you 00:10:50.889 --> 00:10:55.230 for listening. This has been Humility on Thoughts 00:10:55.230 --> 00:10:57.769 If It Were You, Food for Thought by Neogentrix. 00:10:58.090 --> 00:11:00.450 I thank you for listening and have a great rest 00:11:00.450 --> 00:11:00.850 of your day.