WEBVTT 00:00:08.679 --> 00:00:11.199 morning everybody this is food for thought thoughts 00:00:11.199 --> 00:00:15.039 if it were you by neogentrics it is 3 a .m and 00:00:15.039 --> 00:00:18.640 it's good to be back i had a lot of work issues 00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:22.739 and school work to do but hey that's life you 00:00:22.739 --> 00:00:25.339 can't get around it you can only go through it 00:00:25.339 --> 00:00:28.660 and nobody said it was ever fair so we're gonna 00:00:28.660 --> 00:00:30.780 pick up where we left off with the essential 00:00:30.780 --> 00:00:35.320 skills and With this, it's technically immoral, 00:00:35.399 --> 00:00:37.359 but we're going to go ahead and cover empathy 00:00:37.359 --> 00:00:40.899 as well. It's an essential skill to have, as 00:00:40.899 --> 00:00:43.020 well as a moral that most people should have, 00:00:43.240 --> 00:00:46.719 but unfortunately for some people, they don't 00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:51.299 even know how to be empathetic, or in layman's 00:00:51.299 --> 00:00:55.119 terms, show even the simplest of emotions. So 00:00:55.119 --> 00:00:56.640 we're going to go ahead and cover what empathy 00:00:56.640 --> 00:01:00.539 is, and the types of empathy, right here, right 00:01:00.539 --> 00:01:05.099 now. Empathy, empathy, empathy. What is empathy? 00:01:05.640 --> 00:01:08.859 Empathy is at its simplest awareness of the feelings 00:01:08.859 --> 00:01:11.680 and emotions of other people. It's a key element 00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:14.439 of emotional intelligence. You know, that thing 00:01:14.439 --> 00:01:17.260 that links you to other people. It's basically, 00:01:17.299 --> 00:01:21.760 you know, that link between oneself and others. 00:01:22.340 --> 00:01:26.420 Because it's, how do I put it? It's how we as 00:01:26.420 --> 00:01:28.420 individuals understand what others are experiencing 00:01:28.420 --> 00:01:31.560 as if we were feeling it ourselves, you know? 00:01:32.219 --> 00:01:34.299 Like, kind of the whole point of this podcast 00:01:34.299 --> 00:01:36.159 is to understand how the other person feels. 00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:39.579 As though the title implies, Thoughts If It Were 00:01:39.579 --> 00:01:43.000 You is basically being empathetic. I'm not going 00:01:43.000 --> 00:01:47.560 to title my podcast Empathy Towards Others because 00:01:47.560 --> 00:01:49.719 that's ridiculous and it doesn't make any sense. 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:54.000 It goes far beyond sympathy, that's for sure. 00:01:54.159 --> 00:01:58.019 And which might be considered feelings for someone, 00:01:58.219 --> 00:02:02.359 whereas empathy is instead... feelings with that 00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:05.019 person you know you understand what it's like 00:02:05.019 --> 00:02:10.060 to be that person without actually being that 00:02:10.060 --> 00:02:13.740 person you know through your imagination and 00:02:13.740 --> 00:02:20.259 and all let's go with this um how about i give 00:02:20.259 --> 00:02:22.680 you a few definitions just to clarify what i 00:02:22.680 --> 00:02:27.180 mean empathy using the chambers english dictionary 00:02:27.879 --> 00:02:30.439 means the power of entering into one's personality 00:02:30.439 --> 00:02:33.699 and imaginatively experiencing his experiences. 00:02:35.219 --> 00:02:38.340 Empathy is awareness of others' feelings, needs, 00:02:38.439 --> 00:02:42.180 and concerns by Daniel Goleman in working with 00:02:42.180 --> 00:02:46.479 emotional intelligence. Gandhi worded it, I call 00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:50.439 him religious who understands the suffering of 00:02:50.439 --> 00:02:55.020 others. And Tim mentions... words like this empathy 00:02:55.020 --> 00:02:58.199 is intuitive but is also something you can work 00:02:58.199 --> 00:03:02.939 on intellectually they're not wrong none of these 00:03:02.939 --> 00:03:06.080 are wrong just the way that they explain it is 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:08.360 a little different for much and much for a lot 00:03:08.360 --> 00:03:11.539 of people damon goldman the author of the book 00:03:11.539 --> 00:03:14.199 emotional intelligence says that the empathy 00:03:14.199 --> 00:03:18.099 is based is basically the ability to understand 00:03:18.099 --> 00:03:21.219 others emotionally. He also, however, notes that 00:03:21.219 --> 00:03:23.680 at a deeper level, it's also about defining, 00:03:23.879 --> 00:03:27.319 understanding, and reacting to the concerns of 00:03:27.319 --> 00:03:32.780 and for needs that underline others' emotional 00:03:32.780 --> 00:03:39.120 responses and reactions. But, keeping that in 00:03:39.120 --> 00:03:41.909 mind, As Tim mentioned noted, empathy is a skill 00:03:41.909 --> 00:03:44.490 that can be developed. This is also true, as 00:03:44.490 --> 00:03:47.150 I originally didn't have this ability. I had 00:03:47.150 --> 00:03:50.870 to learn it as a skill. As the most interpersonal 00:03:50.870 --> 00:03:54.509 skill, empathizing at some level comes naturally 00:03:54.509 --> 00:03:57.210 to some people. Ironically, even though I didn't 00:03:57.210 --> 00:03:59.310 have this ability, it came naturally for me to 00:03:59.310 --> 00:04:06.590 learn it. So, elements of empathy. We're going 00:04:06.590 --> 00:04:08.990 to go with Daniel Goleman's identity of it. There 00:04:08.990 --> 00:04:11.689 are five key elements of empathy. One, understanding 00:04:11.689 --> 00:04:15.449 others. Two, developing others. Three, having 00:04:15.449 --> 00:04:19.250 a service orientation. Four, leveraging diversity. 00:04:19.769 --> 00:04:21.910 And five, political awareness. Now, I'm going 00:04:21.910 --> 00:04:24.870 to talk about all five in the next coming bits. 00:04:25.290 --> 00:04:27.009 But this is just to give you a heads up as to 00:04:27.009 --> 00:04:29.870 what we're going to cover. Okay? And like I said 00:04:29.870 --> 00:04:32.009 before, we will cover the types of empathy along 00:04:32.009 --> 00:04:43.819 with that. Okay, and we're back. The first thing 00:04:43.819 --> 00:04:46.079 that was in that list of five things was understanding 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.160 others. We're going to pick up with this. This 00:04:49.160 --> 00:04:51.699 is perhaps what most people understand by empathy. 00:04:51.879 --> 00:04:54.279 In Goleman's words, sensing others' feelings 00:04:54.279 --> 00:04:56.720 and perspectives and taking an active interest 00:04:56.720 --> 00:05:00.040 in their concerns. Those who do this tune into 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:02.860 emotional cues. They listen well and they pay 00:05:02.860 --> 00:05:05.759 attention to nonverbal communication. Picking 00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:09.899 up subtle cues about almost subconsciously. Okay. 00:05:10.670 --> 00:05:14.529 showing sensitivity and understanding other perspectives. 00:05:15.089 --> 00:05:21.430 Note that he mentions that it's more of a nonverbal 00:05:21.430 --> 00:05:24.629 communication type skill in understanding others. 00:05:24.870 --> 00:05:26.769 And don't worry, we'll cover listening skills 00:05:26.769 --> 00:05:31.189 and nonverbal communication later in these podcasts 00:05:31.189 --> 00:05:34.839 that I cover. An old Indian proverb is, never 00:05:34.839 --> 00:05:37.220 criticize a man until you've walked a mile in 00:05:37.220 --> 00:05:40.639 his moccasins. In other words, in layman's terms, 00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:45.180 don't judge a book by its cover. And until you 00:05:45.180 --> 00:05:47.500 walk a mile in another person's shoes, you don't 00:05:47.500 --> 00:05:51.319 have a right to judge them. And that's just a 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:55.459 loose translation. Next, you're able to help 00:05:55.459 --> 00:05:57.939 other people based on their understandings of 00:05:57.939 --> 00:06:00.829 those people's needs and feelings. All these 00:06:00.829 --> 00:06:03.589 skills which can be developed, okay? But only 00:06:03.589 --> 00:06:06.149 if you wish to do so. Some people may switch 00:06:06.149 --> 00:06:09.829 off their emotional antenna to avoid being swamped 00:06:09.829 --> 00:06:13.069 by the feelings of others. I'm one of those people. 00:06:13.430 --> 00:06:16.209 I personally seal off my emotions on purpose 00:06:16.209 --> 00:06:19.930 because I honestly don't want to be overrun with 00:06:19.930 --> 00:06:23.410 other people's emotions or overrun by mine for 00:06:23.410 --> 00:06:25.230 the sake of other people trying to dupe me out 00:06:25.230 --> 00:06:28.529 using their emotions. It doesn't work that way. 00:06:29.290 --> 00:06:32.610 Yeah, you could sit there and cry and you probably 00:06:32.610 --> 00:06:35.350 could have a problem. But unless I see proof 00:06:35.350 --> 00:06:38.029 that there really is a problem, I don't show 00:06:38.029 --> 00:06:40.189 any emotional attachment or value whatsoever. 00:06:40.730 --> 00:06:44.810 Nor do I care. This is not to say that I'm not 00:06:44.810 --> 00:06:48.529 being empathetic. It just means that I'm using 00:06:48.529 --> 00:06:51.810 wisdom with my emotions rather than just completely 00:06:51.810 --> 00:06:55.610 listening to them. So for an example of what 00:06:55.610 --> 00:06:58.879 I just mentioned earlier. There's been a number 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:01.279 of scandals in the National Health Service, especially 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:03.800 in the UK, where nurses and doctors have been 00:07:03.800 --> 00:07:06.519 accused of not caring about patients. It may 00:07:06.519 --> 00:07:08.879 be that they were so overexposed to patients' 00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:11.500 needs without suitable support that they shut 00:07:11.500 --> 00:07:16.040 themselves off for fear of being unable to cope. 00:07:16.379 --> 00:07:19.439 And to be honest, you can't really blame these 00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:21.980 people for doing so. The emotional stress that 00:07:21.980 --> 00:07:23.959 dealing with all these patients has on these 00:07:23.959 --> 00:07:27.300 people in the hospitals is pretty high. So there's 00:07:27.300 --> 00:07:29.920 that. We're going to go ahead and cover the second 00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:33.259 one in this piece too. Developing others. Developing 00:07:33.259 --> 00:07:35.759 others means acting on their needs and concerns 00:07:35.759 --> 00:07:37.899 and helping them to develop to their full potential. 00:07:38.279 --> 00:07:41.519 People with skills in this area usually, and 00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:44.180 I'm going to list three things, reward and praise 00:07:44.180 --> 00:07:45.680 people for their strength and accomplishments 00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:48.939 and provide constructive feedback designed to 00:07:48.939 --> 00:07:52.579 focus on how to improve. Okay. And don't worry, 00:07:52.660 --> 00:07:55.060 I will cover on how to give and receive feedback 00:07:55.060 --> 00:07:58.480 later. Provide mentoring and coaching to help 00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:02.819 others to develop to their full potential. Providing 00:08:02.819 --> 00:08:06.839 stretching assignments that will help their team 00:08:06.839 --> 00:08:13.339 develop in ways that are usable or feasible for 00:08:13.339 --> 00:08:17.100 the current situation. Now, with that in mind, 00:08:17.180 --> 00:08:20.120 there's a lot of ways this can be useful and 00:08:20.120 --> 00:08:22.459 work out really well. And I will cover these 00:08:22.459 --> 00:08:23.220 in a later date.