WEBVTT 00:00:22.350 --> 00:00:24.989 Welcome back, everybody, to Thoughts That Fit 00:00:24.989 --> 00:00:29.730 With You by Neogentrics, Food for Thought. As 00:00:29.730 --> 00:00:31.989 promised, we're going to cover understanding 00:00:31.989 --> 00:00:36.810 other people today. Since the last topic we covered 00:00:36.810 --> 00:00:40.250 was empathy, we're going to go ahead and continue 00:00:40.250 --> 00:00:43.289 on with the same general area, but we're going 00:00:43.289 --> 00:00:45.369 to cover how to understand other people as well, 00:00:45.490 --> 00:00:51.810 okay? If you asked a group of people to define 00:00:51.810 --> 00:00:54.990 empathy, you would almost certainly find that 00:00:54.990 --> 00:00:57.530 the one of the first things that anyone suggests 00:00:57.530 --> 00:01:01.310 was an ability to understand other people's feelings. 00:01:01.729 --> 00:01:04.090 And like I mentioned before, Daniel Goleman, 00:01:04.189 --> 00:01:07.469 the author of Emotional Intelligence, listed 00:01:07.469 --> 00:01:10.909 the understanding of others as the first element 00:01:10.909 --> 00:01:16.109 of empathy. He also suggested, however, that 00:01:16.109 --> 00:01:18.969 understanding others is more than just sensing 00:01:18.969 --> 00:01:21.829 other people's feelings and emotions. It also 00:01:21.829 --> 00:01:24.450 means taking a general interest in them and their 00:01:24.450 --> 00:01:30.290 concerns. So, the skill you need for this, understanding 00:01:30.290 --> 00:01:33.730 others, we're going to go ahead and cover that 00:01:33.730 --> 00:01:40.650 today. People who are good at understanding others. 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:46.180 They can pick up emotional cues, often from body 00:01:46.180 --> 00:01:49.579 language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal 00:01:49.579 --> 00:01:52.799 elements of communication. For more about this, 00:01:52.959 --> 00:01:55.620 I will cover nonverbal communication and body 00:01:55.620 --> 00:01:58.500 language in another video, in another podcast, 00:01:58.959 --> 00:02:04.680 as well as active listening, clarifying, and 00:02:04.680 --> 00:02:07.640 being able to reflect, okay? which is another 00:02:07.640 --> 00:02:09.800 ability that people who are able to understand 00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:11.860 others is able to do. They're able to listen 00:02:11.860 --> 00:02:15.500 well to what people are saying, actively checking 00:02:15.500 --> 00:02:18.419 their understandings, okay? You may find it helpful 00:02:18.419 --> 00:02:22.259 to listen to the other podcasts as they come 00:02:22.259 --> 00:02:27.639 out in accordance, okay? When people talk, listen 00:02:27.639 --> 00:02:30.699 completely. Most people never really listen. 00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:34.360 Most people don't listen with the intent to understand 00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:38.599 when they listen with the intent to reply. This 00:02:38.599 --> 00:02:44.620 is covered in my very, very many people. Okay? 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:50.219 Showing sensitivity towards others and understanding 00:02:50.219 --> 00:02:54.539 their perspectives. Okay? They're careful not 00:02:54.539 --> 00:02:56.680 to give offense by saying or doing the wrong 00:02:56.680 --> 00:03:00.580 thing and are aware that not everyone has the 00:03:00.580 --> 00:03:09.539 same point of view at all. Okay? Be polite, tactful, 00:03:09.580 --> 00:03:12.259 tact and diplomacy, intercultural awareness. 00:03:12.580 --> 00:03:15.879 These areas may also help you develop this area 00:03:15.879 --> 00:03:19.879 of your skill set, okay? And if you're struggling 00:03:19.879 --> 00:03:22.659 with bouncing between truth, honesty, and politeness, 00:03:22.860 --> 00:03:26.439 please feel free to go back and listen to the 00:03:26.439 --> 00:03:32.280 podcasts I've done on these before, okay? Last 00:03:32.280 --> 00:03:36.340 but not least for this specific area, Help other 00:03:36.340 --> 00:03:39.400 people appropriately based on their understanding 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:44.639 of their needs and emotions. Okay? We'll take 00:03:44.639 --> 00:03:47.860 a short break here. And we'll continue on with 00:03:47.860 --> 00:03:51.180 the insights from understanding others. Okay? 00:04:07.150 --> 00:04:10.949 Okay, and we're back. We're going to go ahead 00:04:10.949 --> 00:04:12.830 and cover insights from understanding others. 00:04:14.650 --> 00:04:17.569 Developing empathy, and particularly the skill 00:04:17.569 --> 00:04:19.910 of understanding others, is not just important 00:04:19.910 --> 00:04:22.829 to your interpersonal relationships. It can also 00:04:22.829 --> 00:04:29.689 help have a much wider impact. For example, in 00:04:29.689 --> 00:04:32.310 the U .S., doctors who listen carefully to their 00:04:32.310 --> 00:04:36.009 patients are much less likely to be sued. In 00:04:36.009 --> 00:04:38.660 one study, Primary care doctors, the equivalent 00:04:38.660 --> 00:04:42.120 of a general practitioner in the UK, for those 00:04:42.120 --> 00:04:45.600 who don't know what that is, who had never been 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:48.160 sued were found to be much better communicators 00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:53.000 than their peers. Empathy as economic sense. 00:04:55.240 --> 00:04:57.860 Let's use Huggies pull -ups for this example. 00:04:58.980 --> 00:05:03.319 They were developed as a direct result of empathy 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:09.139 in action. Those without children. These are 00:05:09.139 --> 00:05:13.120 pull -up nappies or diapers for toddlers and 00:05:13.120 --> 00:05:16.019 immediately step between nappies and grown -up 00:05:16.019 --> 00:05:24.300 underwear. Kimberly Clark, the makers of Huggies, 00:05:24.519 --> 00:05:26.860 sent observers to watch parents and toddlers 00:05:26.860 --> 00:05:30.519 using nappies. This gave the company real insight 00:05:30.519 --> 00:05:32.839 into the way that families were operating and 00:05:32.839 --> 00:05:35.540 what products they needed. The company realized 00:05:35.540 --> 00:05:39.060 that it would be helpful to have something in 00:05:39.060 --> 00:05:41.639 between nappies and pants, a stepping stone, 00:05:41.639 --> 00:05:43.800 if you will, that would allow children to start 00:05:43.800 --> 00:05:48.279 getting themselves dressed, and then thus Huggy's 00:05:48.279 --> 00:05:52.759 pull -ups were born. The importance of sincerity 00:05:52.759 --> 00:05:56.139 is, in its own right, one of the most important 00:05:56.139 --> 00:05:59.970 things in understanding others. It's possible 00:05:59.970 --> 00:06:02.089 to pretend that you understand people's feelings, 00:06:02.189 --> 00:06:05.610 and more particularly, their concerns. Sales 00:06:05.610 --> 00:06:08.290 staff often try to do this to try to establish 00:06:08.290 --> 00:06:11.370 rapport with customers. However, as humans, we 00:06:11.370 --> 00:06:13.949 are programmed to detect and dislike insincerity. 00:06:14.550 --> 00:06:17.870 So, your pretense, it is fair to say, will be 00:06:17.870 --> 00:06:20.689 detected by those around, probably through subtle 00:06:20.689 --> 00:06:22.850 hints in your body language, or perhaps in the 00:06:22.850 --> 00:06:26.170 response to an unexpected question. The other 00:06:26.170 --> 00:06:28.389 person may not even be aware of detecting it, 00:06:28.470 --> 00:06:30.990 but will feel uncomfortable with the conversation 00:06:30.990 --> 00:06:35.310 that you have or tried to strike up, for that 00:06:35.310 --> 00:06:39.930 matter, or with or what you say, and find that 00:06:39.930 --> 00:06:42.589 they do not really trust you. In other words, 00:06:42.670 --> 00:06:48.290 this is false empathy, and it will be counterproductive. 00:06:48.889 --> 00:06:51.490 Trying to manipulate emotions can backfire on 00:06:51.490 --> 00:06:54.269 the perpetrator, and may well not be worthwhile. 00:06:55.050 --> 00:06:57.250 So those who are generally empathetic will get 00:06:57.250 --> 00:06:59.769 a very different response. Keep this in mind. 00:07:00.370 --> 00:07:13.670 Okay? All right. Let's go ahead and cover empathy 00:07:13.670 --> 00:07:16.829 avoidance and empathy overload. I know I mentioned 00:07:16.829 --> 00:07:19.370 it before, but we're going to cover this in a 00:07:19.370 --> 00:07:22.680 little more detail here. There are two aspects 00:07:22.680 --> 00:07:24.939 of understanding others and being interested 00:07:24.939 --> 00:07:29.160 in their concerns that as a part of empathy are 00:07:29.160 --> 00:07:33.779 worth exploring a little further. The first is 00:07:33.779 --> 00:07:36.920 empathy avoidance. It's a deliberate lack of 00:07:36.920 --> 00:07:40.180 empathy, which might be called emotional tone 00:07:40.180 --> 00:07:42.879 deafness. I'm pretty sure you've heard this term 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:46.920 once before. Total empathy avoidance is unlikely 00:07:46.920 --> 00:07:49.399 to be healthy for your long -term relationships. 00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:53.660 But being able to shut down some of your empathetic 00:07:53.660 --> 00:07:57.699 responses may be helpful under certain circumstances. 00:07:59.319 --> 00:08:01.899 So here are a couple examples. I gave you three. 00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:05.699 Home, work, and health care. Let's talk about 00:08:05.699 --> 00:08:07.660 each one of these individually for a second. 00:08:07.939 --> 00:08:12.459 At home, children need to receive certain vaccinations 00:08:12.459 --> 00:08:15.399 in their first few months of life. They have 00:08:15.399 --> 00:08:17.939 several vaccinations several times, two or three 00:08:17.939 --> 00:08:21.680 at a time. Having a needle stuck into your leg 00:08:21.680 --> 00:08:25.399 hurts, and babies scream when it happens. Parents, 00:08:25.540 --> 00:08:27.680 however, need to clamp down on their immediate 00:08:27.680 --> 00:08:30.720 response and recognize the long -term benefits 00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:35.440 of vaccinations and avoid serious diseases, rather 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:37.659 than focus on the long -term distress of the 00:08:37.659 --> 00:08:44.559 child. Right? Let's move on to work. At work, 00:08:44.659 --> 00:08:47.539 managers responsible for making redundancies 00:08:48.269 --> 00:08:51.289 need to be able to make good decisions. They 00:08:51.289 --> 00:08:53.549 are unlikely to be able to do so if they are 00:08:53.549 --> 00:08:55.309 struggling with their own emotional response 00:08:55.309 --> 00:08:58.970 to the stress of the people around them. While 00:08:58.970 --> 00:09:00.730 it is important that they remain aware of the 00:09:00.730 --> 00:09:04.110 feelings of those involved, they have to also 00:09:04.110 --> 00:09:06.309 be able to balance that with the use of reason 00:09:06.309 --> 00:09:10.570 and logic and not become overwhelmed. In healthcare, 00:09:10.850 --> 00:09:14.649 a surgeon performing emergency surgery on someone 00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:18.700 who has a serious injury in a road tragic accident, 00:09:18.919 --> 00:09:23.340 or traffic accident, or any kind of accident 00:09:23.340 --> 00:09:26.659 for that matter, needs to be able to use all 00:09:26.659 --> 00:09:28.620 of their skills to try to repair the damage, 00:09:28.679 --> 00:09:31.500 or amputate if necessary to save the patient's 00:09:31.500 --> 00:09:34.559 life. They can't spend time considering how this 00:09:34.559 --> 00:09:37.379 might make the patient feel, for one, if they're 00:09:37.379 --> 00:09:40.539 unconscious, in which case you can't really tell. 00:09:42.530 --> 00:09:45.149 However, after the operation is over and the 00:09:45.149 --> 00:09:47.830 person is awake, they need to explain their actions 00:09:47.830 --> 00:09:50.250 and help the patient to start to come to terms 00:09:50.250 --> 00:09:52.730 with what has happened to them. They need to 00:09:52.730 --> 00:09:54.970 remain aware of the patient as a person with 00:09:54.970 --> 00:09:57.409 feelings and concerns and respond appropriately, 00:09:57.690 --> 00:10:01.529 but not become overwhelmed by it. Empathy overload 00:10:01.529 --> 00:10:03.690 sometimes happens when people are exposed to 00:10:03.690 --> 00:10:06.950 difficult and distressing information. In such 00:10:06.950 --> 00:10:09.169 situations, people can find themselves unable 00:10:09.169 --> 00:10:11.330 to deal with their own emotional response to 00:10:11.330 --> 00:10:14.250 the situation. This can happen, for example, 00:10:14.350 --> 00:10:17.029 if you find that a friend is seriously ill. You 00:10:17.029 --> 00:10:19.129 want to help and support them, but you are too 00:10:19.129 --> 00:10:22.909 upset to do so. It is also a problem that can 00:10:22.909 --> 00:10:26.509 arise for people working in professional professions 00:10:26.509 --> 00:10:31.029 like medicine, nursing, and social work. The 00:10:31.029 --> 00:10:34.169 way to manage possible empathy overload is to 00:10:34.169 --> 00:10:36.090 work on your self -regulation and particularly 00:10:36.090 --> 00:10:40.070 your self -control. With improvement, self -regulation 00:10:40.730 --> 00:10:42.669 you will be able to manage your own emotions 00:10:42.669 --> 00:10:45.070 and respond appropriately to those of others. 00:10:46.590 --> 00:10:48.830 Don't worry, I will cover what self -regulation 00:10:48.830 --> 00:10:51.809 is in response to this. But if you're wondering 00:10:51.809 --> 00:10:55.389 about self -control, please see a previous podcast 00:10:55.389 --> 00:10:58.450 that I've done on the topic of self -control 00:10:58.450 --> 00:11:00.330 so you'll be able to understand this a little 00:11:00.330 --> 00:11:05.450 bit further. Next, we'll cover, in a short bit, 00:11:05.590 --> 00:11:33.669 understanding others is not soft. Welcome back. 00:11:34.889 --> 00:11:39.789 Understanding others is not soft, okay? We often 00:11:39.789 --> 00:11:43.350 talk about soft skills, and there is no question 00:11:43.350 --> 00:11:45.529 that empathy and understanding others are important 00:11:45.529 --> 00:11:48.929 soft skills. There is, however, absolutely nothing 00:11:48.929 --> 00:11:53.970 soft in the sense of easy about understanding 00:11:53.970 --> 00:11:57.529 others concerning feelings. Neither is it soft 00:11:57.529 --> 00:12:01.750 in the sense of being tough. There is a such 00:12:01.750 --> 00:12:06.110 thing as being soft and tough simultaneously. 00:12:07.909 --> 00:12:10.769 The best managers are empathetic, but not soft 00:12:10.769 --> 00:12:13.570 on their team. Understanding others does not 00:12:13.570 --> 00:12:15.690 mean that you have to agree with their feelings 00:12:15.690 --> 00:12:19.470 or point of view. Rather, it means that you recognize 00:12:19.470 --> 00:12:21.909 their point of view and accept that it is different 00:12:21.909 --> 00:12:26.529 from yours. You may still have to do difficult 00:12:26.529 --> 00:12:30.490 things that others do not agree with, And they 00:12:30.490 --> 00:12:43.509 understand that. Okay? So with that, we're going 00:12:43.509 --> 00:12:45.730 to go ahead and bring this topic to a close. 00:12:47.549 --> 00:12:53.450 And next time, we'll be covering emotions and 00:12:53.450 --> 00:13:01.179 emotional intelligence. Okay? As well as What 00:13:01.179 --> 00:13:03.799 was it I mentioned before? I did believe it was 00:13:03.799 --> 00:13:08.100 not self -control, but self -regulation. Okay? 00:13:09.460 --> 00:13:12.940 As always, thank you for tuning in to my podcast. 00:13:13.879 --> 00:13:16.980 I hope you have a great rest of your day. As 00:13:16.980 --> 00:13:19.879 of now, I'm happy to say that we are now available 00:13:19.879 --> 00:13:23.659 not only on Anchor and in Apple Podcasts, but 00:13:23.659 --> 00:13:25.419 we're also available on Pocket Cast for your 00:13:25.419 --> 00:13:28.659 Android, Overcast if you listen on the web. and 00:13:28.659 --> 00:13:33.440 now available on radio public. Feel free to download 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:37.080 the app and listen to us anytime, or get it. 00:13:38.059 --> 00:13:41.039 We have a new episode coming through. Enjoy the 00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:42.620 rest of your day. Neogentrics out.