So, welcome back to Food for Thought, Thoughts
If It Were You. This is Neogentrics. And last
time I covered what is anger, per the request
of a close friend of mine. And while I did cover
as much as I could as far as what is anger, I
did say I was going to cover... Excuse me. I
did say I was going to cover anger management.
So I'm going to keep my promise and we're going
to pick up where we left off. What is anger?
By covering anger management today. Anger management
is a term used to describe the skills you need
to recognize that you or someone else is becoming
angry and take appropriate action to deal with
the situation in a positive way. Anger management
does not mean, and I'm going to say this with
as much forced intent as I can, it does not mean
internalizing or suppressing the anger. This
is not healthy. As I mentioned before about how
anger can make you sick, internalizing it and
suppressing it can also only make it worse. Anger
is perfectly normal. You know, human emotion
and when dealt with appropriately can be considered
a very, very healthy emotion. We all feel anger
from time to time, yet this feeling can lead
us to say or do things that we intentionally
will later regret. Anger can reduce our inhibitions
and even make us act inappropriately, doing stuff
that we know is wrong. Anger management concerns
recognizing the triggers for anger as early as
possible and expressing these feelings and frustrations
in a cool, calm, and collected way. We often
have learned behaviors as to how to deal with
strong emotions. This includes even empathy,
sadness, sorrow, goodness, and even self -control.
So anger management is about unlearning ineffective
coping mechanisms, and relearning more positive
ways to deal with the problems and frustrations
associated with that anger. There are many anger
management techniques that you can learn and
practice by yourself or teach to others. However,
if you or someone you know experiences a lot
of regular anger or very strong anger, this is
called rage, then seek help, and I mean real
help from a psychiatrist, a doctor, or something.
Typically, a counselor will do really well. they
can be more effective than just doing this and
trying this yourself. Seek professional help
if anger is having a long -term negative impact
on your relationships especially, is making you
unhappy, or is resulting in a very dangerous
or violent behavior. This being said, ask yourself
this question. Do you need professional help
with your anger? We'll take a short break, and
then we'll pick up on that. So, with the question
that I asked in the last bit, do you need professional
help with anger? So, let's go ahead and go into
that. If you answer yes to any of these questions
I'm going to list to you, then you need professional
help to help manage your anger. Okay? Let me
see here. Where's my list? All right. So, your
behavior has led to any sort of criminal or civil
wrongdoing. If that's the case, you need help.
Or how about this one? You are violent towards
your partner, children, or other people. You
threaten violence to people or property. Or you
have outbursts of rage which involve deliberately
breaking things. At that point, you seriously
need to get some help. You have constant arguments
with people who are close to you. Your spouse,
your partner, your parents, your children, your
colleagues, your friends. let me take back the
last one uh if you're having problems with this
particular one then you need to remove yourself
from all human contact and go find yourself a
therapist or some kind of professional to help
you because at this point if you're arguing with
everybody around you you are going to end up
doing something you probably shouldn't do going
back to the first topic uh the first half of
the list uh doing any sort of criminal or civil
wrongdoing, you might accidentally actually hurt,
if not kill somebody. And yes, this has happened.
If you feel angry frequently, but internalize
the emotion, you need to seek help, you think
that you may need professional help with your
anger. If you think you need help, and I have
the fact that I have to bring this up, if you,
for whatever reason, think you need help, then
you probably should go and seek help. OK, the
fact of the matter still remains that something
is wrong because you shouldn't even be thinking
about this in the first place. If you're listening
to it just to learn, that's fine. So next, I'm
going to cover some anger management self -help
techniques. It's important to recognize when
you feel angry or experience feelings that may
lead to anger. You should not try to suppress
your anger, but instead try to understand it
and act in a positive way to alleviate negative
aspects of your anger. Now, I know I'm repeating
myself, but sometimes repetition is the best
teacher. So, the first thing I'm going to tell
you to do, take regular exercise and keep yourself
fit. The hormones that we release when we are
angry, mainly cortisol and adrenaline, are similar
to those produced when we are stressed to help
us escape from danger. The release of these hormones
is an evolutionary trait. Useful if you are trying
to run away from a mammoth, a tiger, someone
trying to kill you, yes, even that last one,
or an angry rabbit dog. But maybe less important
in modern life where we live, the whole mammoth
thing. But for the most of us, such life -threatening
situations do not regularly occur. So, when you
exercise regularly, your body learns how to regulate
your adrenaline and cortisol levels more effectively.
People who are physically fit have more optimal
levels of endorphins. So, oh, hold on a sec.
Endorphins are emotions that make you feel good
and therefore less likely to feel anger. Okay?
I figure I should at least explain that. Moving
on. Get some sleep. Now, I will cover how to
sleep in another podcast. But for the most part,
sleep is an important part of life. And a good
quality of sleep can help combat many physical,
mental, and emotional problems, including anger.
However, it's best not to go to sleep angry,
I assure you. When we sleep, the body and mind
rest and rebuild damaged cells, neural pathways.
So we all know that people often feel better
after a good night's rest. The optimal level
of good quality sleep is about seven hours at
night. However, everybody's different and you
may need more or less based on that. So what
is sleep? The importance of sleep? How to sleep?
I will cover those things at a later date because
I feel that they're important. moving on to the
next one uh plan difficult conversations if you're
worried about having a conversation that may
leave you feeling angry then try to take control
of the situation make notes beforehand okay planning
what you want to say in a calm assertive way
so you are less likely to get sidetracked during
your conversation if you can refer to your notes
um Solutions are more important than the problem,
so keep this in mind. It can be helpful to identify
what made you angry in the first place. However,
it's more important to focus on a way to resolve
the problem so that they don't arise again in
the future. And with that, express yourself.
Wait until you have calmed down from your anger,
and then express yourself in a calm and collective
way. You need to be assertive without being aggressive.
And then on that note, don't hold grudges. I
don't know if I can express this one enough.
We all need to accept that everybody's different
and we cannot control the feelings, beliefs,
behaviors, or actions of other people. Try to
be realistic and accept that people are the way
they are and not how we would like them to be.
Being resentful or holding a grudge against somebody
will increase your anger and make it more difficult
to control. You cannot change how other people
behave or think because... But, and there's a
but, not your but, but there's a but. You can
change how you deal with others by working on
a positive attitude. Going back to the emotional
intelligence thing I covered before. Next, pick
your time. Avoid conversations that make you
angry when you are feeling tired, distracted,
or stressed. We are more likely to feel and behave
in an angry way when there are other worries
on our minds. This is a tactic to combat stress
as well. I'll cover that at a later date. Last
but not least humor is easy to use inappropriate
sarcasm when you're angry Resist the temptation
to do this and instead work on introducing some
good humor into potentially difficult situations
if you can control That urge to make those really
sarcastic remarks Do this if you can introduce
some humor then resentment will reduce and your
mood will lift. But please, like I mentioned
before, please be able to control your sarcasm.
Not all of it is bad, but it does depend on how
weird and awkward your sense of humor is. For
some reason, now that I brought this up, I feel
like I need to cover how to develop a good sense
of humor. But I'll leave that for a later date.
The simple act of laughing can go a long way
to reduce anger, especially over the longer term.
Be aware that although laughing can help you
feel better, you need to make sure there is no
danger of misinterpretation. Otherwise, while
you may be working to reduce your anger, you
could accidentally be building up someone else's.
All right, so the final thing I want to cover
in this particular segment, breathe slowly and
relax. Okay, try to reverse the physical symptoms
of anger by practicing some simple breathing
exercises. Breathing exercises can help you relax
and slow your heart rate to a more normal level.
When you start to feel tense or angry, try to
isolate yourself for 15 minutes and concentrate
on relaxing and calm, steady breathing. I can't
say that anymore. intensely without it sounding
like I'm upset or frustrated. Inhale and exhale
deeply three to four times in a row. Count slowly
to four as you inhale. Then count slowly to eight
as you exhale. Focus on feeling the air move
in and out of your lungs. Concentrate and feel
your ribs slowly rise and fall as you repeat
this exercise. Stop. Revert to normal breathing
if you start to feel dizzy at any given time.
Okay? Be mindful of your actions and how everything
you do can affect the people around you. Granted,
not everything can be controlled and for some
reason there are still going to be stuff out
there that will make you upset. What matters
is how you deal with it. With this, I hope this
can help get you at least started working on
that in a positive way. Otherwise, we're going
to have to start going into more advanced topics
to help fix the issue. And I feel like covering
anger management therapy as well would help.
But this just depends on the person. Now, granted,
there are a lot of relaxation techniques out
there. And I feel I should probably cover some
of them. But at the moment, we'll just move on
with anger management to anger management therapy.
Sometimes it may be inappropriate to use the
services of professional counselors and psychotherapists.
I hate that word. I don't know why. To help with
anger issues. Anger management therapy can be
run as a group or one -on -one sessions. A professional
will often say that recognizing that you have
a problem and seeking help is a very positive
first step towards solving the anger issues.
Typically, anger management therapy sessions
last between four to six weeks, although they
may take longer, but the distance depends on
the people. When looking for a local counselor,
it's important to find someone that you think
will be that you will be comfortable with like
you know keep this in mind uh bear in mind that
the gender age location and of course expertise
of the potential counselor uh please consider
these before making your decision i can't stress
this enough from a personal experience with a
friend of mine who picked someone that was really
awkward for him and all that is frustrating more
Different professionals use different techniques
to help overcome anger issues and their prices
may also vary considerably. So with that in mind,
please don't pick the cheapest guy that you find.
You'll regret it later, I assure you.