WEBVTT 00:00:03.089 --> 00:00:06.469 So, welcome back to Food for Thought, Thoughts 00:00:06.469 --> 00:00:10.750 If It Were You. This is Neogentrics. And last 00:00:10.750 --> 00:00:15.810 time I covered what is anger, per the request 00:00:15.810 --> 00:00:21.570 of a close friend of mine. And while I did cover 00:00:21.570 --> 00:00:25.730 as much as I could as far as what is anger, I 00:00:25.730 --> 00:00:29.719 did say I was going to cover... Excuse me. I 00:00:29.719 --> 00:00:31.359 did say I was going to cover anger management. 00:00:33.340 --> 00:00:37.200 So I'm going to keep my promise and we're going 00:00:37.200 --> 00:00:39.579 to pick up where we left off. What is anger? 00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:44.259 By covering anger management today. Anger management 00:00:44.259 --> 00:00:46.659 is a term used to describe the skills you need 00:00:46.659 --> 00:00:49.619 to recognize that you or someone else is becoming 00:00:49.619 --> 00:00:51.820 angry and take appropriate action to deal with 00:00:51.820 --> 00:00:55.640 the situation in a positive way. Anger management 00:00:55.640 --> 00:00:58.640 does not mean, and I'm going to say this with 00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:06.040 as much forced intent as I can, it does not mean 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:10.140 internalizing or suppressing the anger. This 00:01:10.140 --> 00:01:14.400 is not healthy. As I mentioned before about how 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:18.739 anger can make you sick, internalizing it and 00:01:18.739 --> 00:01:22.000 suppressing it can also only make it worse. Anger 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:25.689 is perfectly normal. You know, human emotion 00:01:25.689 --> 00:01:28.810 and when dealt with appropriately can be considered 00:01:28.810 --> 00:01:32.290 a very, very healthy emotion. We all feel anger 00:01:32.290 --> 00:01:34.090 from time to time, yet this feeling can lead 00:01:34.090 --> 00:01:37.109 us to say or do things that we intentionally 00:01:37.109 --> 00:01:41.409 will later regret. Anger can reduce our inhibitions 00:01:41.409 --> 00:01:44.189 and even make us act inappropriately, doing stuff 00:01:44.189 --> 00:01:48.849 that we know is wrong. Anger management concerns 00:01:48.849 --> 00:01:52.150 recognizing the triggers for anger as early as 00:01:52.150 --> 00:01:54.430 possible and expressing these feelings and frustrations 00:01:54.430 --> 00:01:57.329 in a cool, calm, and collected way. We often 00:01:57.329 --> 00:02:00.530 have learned behaviors as to how to deal with 00:02:00.530 --> 00:02:03.530 strong emotions. This includes even empathy, 00:02:03.709 --> 00:02:07.269 sadness, sorrow, goodness, and even self -control. 00:02:07.510 --> 00:02:11.270 So anger management is about unlearning ineffective 00:02:11.270 --> 00:02:14.289 coping mechanisms, and relearning more positive 00:02:14.289 --> 00:02:16.270 ways to deal with the problems and frustrations 00:02:16.270 --> 00:02:19.610 associated with that anger. There are many anger 00:02:19.610 --> 00:02:21.050 management techniques that you can learn and 00:02:21.050 --> 00:02:23.949 practice by yourself or teach to others. However, 00:02:24.150 --> 00:02:26.849 if you or someone you know experiences a lot 00:02:26.849 --> 00:02:30.129 of regular anger or very strong anger, this is 00:02:30.129 --> 00:02:34.030 called rage, then seek help, and I mean real 00:02:34.030 --> 00:02:36.550 help from a psychiatrist, a doctor, or something. 00:02:37.250 --> 00:02:41.020 Typically, a counselor will do really well. they 00:02:41.020 --> 00:02:43.259 can be more effective than just doing this and 00:02:43.259 --> 00:02:46.039 trying this yourself. Seek professional help 00:02:46.039 --> 00:02:48.560 if anger is having a long -term negative impact 00:02:48.560 --> 00:02:50.960 on your relationships especially, is making you 00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:53.259 unhappy, or is resulting in a very dangerous 00:02:53.259 --> 00:02:58.280 or violent behavior. This being said, ask yourself 00:02:58.280 --> 00:03:02.000 this question. Do you need professional help 00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:05.639 with your anger? We'll take a short break, and 00:03:05.639 --> 00:03:18.439 then we'll pick up on that. So, with the question 00:03:18.439 --> 00:03:22.219 that I asked in the last bit, do you need professional 00:03:22.219 --> 00:03:24.620 help with anger? So, let's go ahead and go into 00:03:24.620 --> 00:03:27.479 that. If you answer yes to any of these questions 00:03:27.479 --> 00:03:30.319 I'm going to list to you, then you need professional 00:03:30.319 --> 00:03:34.800 help to help manage your anger. Okay? Let me 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:39.479 see here. Where's my list? All right. So, your 00:03:39.479 --> 00:03:43.159 behavior has led to any sort of criminal or civil 00:03:43.159 --> 00:03:46.909 wrongdoing. If that's the case, you need help. 00:03:48.409 --> 00:03:51.150 Or how about this one? You are violent towards 00:03:51.150 --> 00:03:55.530 your partner, children, or other people. You 00:03:55.530 --> 00:03:59.689 threaten violence to people or property. Or you 00:03:59.689 --> 00:04:01.969 have outbursts of rage which involve deliberately 00:04:01.969 --> 00:04:04.610 breaking things. At that point, you seriously 00:04:04.610 --> 00:04:07.349 need to get some help. You have constant arguments 00:04:07.349 --> 00:04:09.389 with people who are close to you. Your spouse, 00:04:09.650 --> 00:04:11.930 your partner, your parents, your children, your 00:04:11.930 --> 00:04:15.789 colleagues, your friends. let me take back the 00:04:15.789 --> 00:04:19.269 last one uh if you're having problems with this 00:04:19.269 --> 00:04:22.949 particular one then you need to remove yourself 00:04:22.949 --> 00:04:26.990 from all human contact and go find yourself a 00:04:26.990 --> 00:04:29.810 therapist or some kind of professional to help 00:04:29.810 --> 00:04:32.350 you because at this point if you're arguing with 00:04:32.350 --> 00:04:37.110 everybody around you you are going to end up 00:04:37.110 --> 00:04:38.829 doing something you probably shouldn't do going 00:04:38.829 --> 00:04:41.730 back to the first topic uh the first half of 00:04:41.730 --> 00:04:44.699 the list uh doing any sort of criminal or civil 00:04:44.699 --> 00:04:47.839 wrongdoing, you might accidentally actually hurt, 00:04:47.860 --> 00:04:50.899 if not kill somebody. And yes, this has happened. 00:04:51.899 --> 00:04:54.519 If you feel angry frequently, but internalize 00:04:54.519 --> 00:04:57.680 the emotion, you need to seek help, you think 00:04:57.680 --> 00:04:59.600 that you may need professional help with your 00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:03.879 anger. If you think you need help, and I have 00:05:03.879 --> 00:05:06.500 the fact that I have to bring this up, if you, 00:05:06.540 --> 00:05:09.639 for whatever reason, think you need help, then 00:05:09.639 --> 00:05:13.879 you probably should go and seek help. OK, the 00:05:13.879 --> 00:05:20.139 fact of the matter still remains that something 00:05:20.139 --> 00:05:22.100 is wrong because you shouldn't even be thinking 00:05:22.100 --> 00:05:24.480 about this in the first place. If you're listening 00:05:24.480 --> 00:05:29.139 to it just to learn, that's fine. So next, I'm 00:05:29.139 --> 00:05:30.839 going to cover some anger management self -help 00:05:30.839 --> 00:05:33.370 techniques. It's important to recognize when 00:05:33.370 --> 00:05:35.649 you feel angry or experience feelings that may 00:05:35.649 --> 00:05:37.910 lead to anger. You should not try to suppress 00:05:37.910 --> 00:05:40.009 your anger, but instead try to understand it 00:05:40.009 --> 00:05:42.470 and act in a positive way to alleviate negative 00:05:42.470 --> 00:05:44.589 aspects of your anger. Now, I know I'm repeating 00:05:44.589 --> 00:05:48.050 myself, but sometimes repetition is the best 00:05:48.050 --> 00:05:52.129 teacher. So, the first thing I'm going to tell 00:05:52.129 --> 00:05:55.930 you to do, take regular exercise and keep yourself 00:05:55.930 --> 00:05:58.620 fit. The hormones that we release when we are 00:05:58.620 --> 00:06:01.160 angry, mainly cortisol and adrenaline, are similar 00:06:01.160 --> 00:06:03.360 to those produced when we are stressed to help 00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:05.439 us escape from danger. The release of these hormones 00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:09.600 is an evolutionary trait. Useful if you are trying 00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:12.959 to run away from a mammoth, a tiger, someone 00:06:12.959 --> 00:06:15.759 trying to kill you, yes, even that last one, 00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:20.610 or an angry rabbit dog. But maybe less important 00:06:20.610 --> 00:06:23.730 in modern life where we live, the whole mammoth 00:06:23.730 --> 00:06:26.550 thing. But for the most of us, such life -threatening 00:06:26.550 --> 00:06:29.769 situations do not regularly occur. So, when you 00:06:29.769 --> 00:06:37.550 exercise regularly, your body learns how to regulate 00:06:37.550 --> 00:06:39.730 your adrenaline and cortisol levels more effectively. 00:06:40.029 --> 00:06:42.410 People who are physically fit have more optimal 00:06:42.410 --> 00:06:46.930 levels of endorphins. So, oh, hold on a sec. 00:06:47.209 --> 00:06:49.009 Endorphins are emotions that make you feel good 00:06:49.009 --> 00:06:51.029 and therefore less likely to feel anger. Okay? 00:06:51.790 --> 00:06:56.910 I figure I should at least explain that. Moving 00:06:56.910 --> 00:07:02.610 on. Get some sleep. Now, I will cover how to 00:07:02.610 --> 00:07:05.870 sleep in another podcast. But for the most part, 00:07:05.949 --> 00:07:08.009 sleep is an important part of life. And a good 00:07:08.009 --> 00:07:11.189 quality of sleep can help combat many physical, 00:07:11.329 --> 00:07:13.449 mental, and emotional problems, including anger. 00:07:13.979 --> 00:07:16.300 However, it's best not to go to sleep angry, 00:07:16.420 --> 00:07:19.180 I assure you. When we sleep, the body and mind 00:07:19.180 --> 00:07:21.360 rest and rebuild damaged cells, neural pathways. 00:07:21.660 --> 00:07:24.019 So we all know that people often feel better 00:07:24.019 --> 00:07:25.939 after a good night's rest. The optimal level 00:07:25.939 --> 00:07:28.819 of good quality sleep is about seven hours at 00:07:28.819 --> 00:07:31.060 night. However, everybody's different and you 00:07:31.060 --> 00:07:34.680 may need more or less based on that. So what 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:37.899 is sleep? The importance of sleep? How to sleep? 00:07:38.600 --> 00:07:42.100 I will cover those things at a later date because 00:07:42.100 --> 00:07:59.920 I feel that they're important. moving on to the 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:03.699 next one uh plan difficult conversations if you're 00:08:03.699 --> 00:08:06.339 worried about having a conversation that may 00:08:06.339 --> 00:08:08.899 leave you feeling angry then try to take control 00:08:08.899 --> 00:08:12.160 of the situation make notes beforehand okay planning 00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:14.560 what you want to say in a calm assertive way 00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:17.319 so you are less likely to get sidetracked during 00:08:17.319 --> 00:08:20.339 your conversation if you can refer to your notes 00:08:20.339 --> 00:08:24.079 um Solutions are more important than the problem, 00:08:24.259 --> 00:08:26.939 so keep this in mind. It can be helpful to identify 00:08:26.939 --> 00:08:29.040 what made you angry in the first place. However, 00:08:29.240 --> 00:08:31.300 it's more important to focus on a way to resolve 00:08:31.300 --> 00:08:33.840 the problem so that they don't arise again in 00:08:33.840 --> 00:08:37.639 the future. And with that, express yourself. 00:08:39.139 --> 00:08:41.379 Wait until you have calmed down from your anger, 00:08:41.460 --> 00:08:43.200 and then express yourself in a calm and collective 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:46.059 way. You need to be assertive without being aggressive. 00:08:46.659 --> 00:08:50.440 And then on that note, don't hold grudges. I 00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:51.919 don't know if I can express this one enough. 00:08:54.019 --> 00:08:56.120 We all need to accept that everybody's different 00:08:56.120 --> 00:08:57.799 and we cannot control the feelings, beliefs, 00:08:57.940 --> 00:09:01.720 behaviors, or actions of other people. Try to 00:09:01.720 --> 00:09:04.019 be realistic and accept that people are the way 00:09:04.019 --> 00:09:06.659 they are and not how we would like them to be. 00:09:07.240 --> 00:09:09.639 Being resentful or holding a grudge against somebody 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:11.519 will increase your anger and make it more difficult 00:09:11.519 --> 00:09:14.100 to control. You cannot change how other people 00:09:14.100 --> 00:09:17.799 behave or think because... But, and there's a 00:09:17.799 --> 00:09:20.440 but, not your but, but there's a but. You can 00:09:20.440 --> 00:09:23.120 change how you deal with others by working on 00:09:23.120 --> 00:09:25.639 a positive attitude. Going back to the emotional 00:09:25.639 --> 00:09:29.740 intelligence thing I covered before. Next, pick 00:09:29.740 --> 00:09:32.279 your time. Avoid conversations that make you 00:09:32.279 --> 00:09:34.539 angry when you are feeling tired, distracted, 00:09:34.779 --> 00:09:38.779 or stressed. We are more likely to feel and behave 00:09:38.779 --> 00:09:41.500 in an angry way when there are other worries 00:09:41.500 --> 00:09:46.519 on our minds. This is a tactic to combat stress 00:09:46.519 --> 00:09:50.940 as well. I'll cover that at a later date. Last 00:09:50.940 --> 00:09:54.340 but not least humor is easy to use inappropriate 00:09:54.340 --> 00:09:57.860 sarcasm when you're angry Resist the temptation 00:09:57.860 --> 00:10:00.179 to do this and instead work on introducing some 00:10:00.179 --> 00:10:02.220 good humor into potentially difficult situations 00:10:02.220 --> 00:10:08.659 if you can control That urge to make those really 00:10:08.659 --> 00:10:13.600 sarcastic remarks Do this if you can introduce 00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:17.320 some humor then resentment will reduce and your 00:10:17.320 --> 00:10:19.940 mood will lift. But please, like I mentioned 00:10:19.940 --> 00:10:22.279 before, please be able to control your sarcasm. 00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:25.799 Not all of it is bad, but it does depend on how 00:10:25.799 --> 00:10:31.639 weird and awkward your sense of humor is. For 00:10:31.639 --> 00:10:35.500 some reason, now that I brought this up, I feel 00:10:35.500 --> 00:10:39.299 like I need to cover how to develop a good sense 00:10:39.299 --> 00:10:42.299 of humor. But I'll leave that for a later date. 00:10:44.069 --> 00:10:46.929 The simple act of laughing can go a long way 00:10:46.929 --> 00:10:49.250 to reduce anger, especially over the longer term. 00:10:49.889 --> 00:10:53.470 Be aware that although laughing can help you 00:10:53.470 --> 00:10:55.570 feel better, you need to make sure there is no 00:10:55.570 --> 00:10:59.330 danger of misinterpretation. Otherwise, while 00:10:59.330 --> 00:11:01.570 you may be working to reduce your anger, you 00:11:01.570 --> 00:11:03.870 could accidentally be building up someone else's. 00:11:14.440 --> 00:11:16.860 All right, so the final thing I want to cover 00:11:16.860 --> 00:11:21.019 in this particular segment, breathe slowly and 00:11:21.019 --> 00:11:23.840 relax. Okay, try to reverse the physical symptoms 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:25.799 of anger by practicing some simple breathing 00:11:25.799 --> 00:11:28.740 exercises. Breathing exercises can help you relax 00:11:28.740 --> 00:11:31.340 and slow your heart rate to a more normal level. 00:11:32.059 --> 00:11:34.340 When you start to feel tense or angry, try to 00:11:34.340 --> 00:11:36.340 isolate yourself for 15 minutes and concentrate 00:11:36.340 --> 00:11:41.139 on relaxing and calm, steady breathing. I can't 00:11:41.139 --> 00:11:44.200 say that anymore. intensely without it sounding 00:11:44.200 --> 00:11:48.440 like I'm upset or frustrated. Inhale and exhale 00:11:48.440 --> 00:11:52.639 deeply three to four times in a row. Count slowly 00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:57.279 to four as you inhale. Then count slowly to eight 00:11:57.279 --> 00:12:01.700 as you exhale. Focus on feeling the air move 00:12:01.700 --> 00:12:04.720 in and out of your lungs. Concentrate and feel 00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:07.559 your ribs slowly rise and fall as you repeat 00:12:07.559 --> 00:12:10.919 this exercise. Stop. Revert to normal breathing 00:12:10.919 --> 00:12:13.580 if you start to feel dizzy at any given time. 00:12:14.019 --> 00:12:21.580 Okay? Be mindful of your actions and how everything 00:12:21.580 --> 00:12:25.940 you do can affect the people around you. Granted, 00:12:26.019 --> 00:12:30.940 not everything can be controlled and for some 00:12:30.940 --> 00:12:32.740 reason there are still going to be stuff out 00:12:32.740 --> 00:12:34.940 there that will make you upset. What matters 00:12:34.940 --> 00:12:38.870 is how you deal with it. With this, I hope this 00:12:38.870 --> 00:12:43.330 can help get you at least started working on 00:12:43.330 --> 00:12:47.309 that in a positive way. Otherwise, we're going 00:12:47.309 --> 00:12:50.429 to have to start going into more advanced topics 00:12:50.429 --> 00:12:55.289 to help fix the issue. And I feel like covering 00:12:55.289 --> 00:12:58.629 anger management therapy as well would help. 00:12:58.809 --> 00:13:02.070 But this just depends on the person. Now, granted, 00:13:02.169 --> 00:13:04.649 there are a lot of relaxation techniques out 00:13:04.649 --> 00:13:06.940 there. And I feel I should probably cover some 00:13:06.940 --> 00:13:09.919 of them. But at the moment, we'll just move on 00:13:09.919 --> 00:13:13.519 with anger management to anger management therapy. 00:13:14.899 --> 00:13:17.019 Sometimes it may be inappropriate to use the 00:13:17.019 --> 00:13:21.759 services of professional counselors and psychotherapists. 00:13:21.980 --> 00:13:25.279 I hate that word. I don't know why. To help with 00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:29.519 anger issues. Anger management therapy can be 00:13:29.519 --> 00:13:33.059 run as a group or one -on -one sessions. A professional 00:13:33.059 --> 00:13:35.340 will often say that recognizing that you have 00:13:35.340 --> 00:13:38.200 a problem and seeking help is a very positive 00:13:38.200 --> 00:13:40.379 first step towards solving the anger issues. 00:13:42.039 --> 00:13:45.899 Typically, anger management therapy sessions 00:13:45.899 --> 00:13:49.279 last between four to six weeks, although they 00:13:49.279 --> 00:13:51.799 may take longer, but the distance depends on 00:13:51.799 --> 00:13:54.700 the people. When looking for a local counselor, 00:13:54.840 --> 00:13:56.399 it's important to find someone that you think 00:13:56.399 --> 00:13:58.960 will be that you will be comfortable with like 00:13:58.960 --> 00:14:01.759 you know keep this in mind uh bear in mind that 00:14:01.759 --> 00:14:04.240 the gender age location and of course expertise 00:14:04.240 --> 00:14:07.460 of the potential counselor uh please consider 00:14:07.460 --> 00:14:11.120 these before making your decision i can't stress 00:14:11.120 --> 00:14:14.679 this enough from a personal experience with a 00:14:14.679 --> 00:14:16.840 friend of mine who picked someone that was really 00:14:16.840 --> 00:14:19.460 awkward for him and all that is frustrating more 00:14:20.169 --> 00:14:22.190 Different professionals use different techniques 00:14:22.190 --> 00:14:24.750 to help overcome anger issues and their prices 00:14:24.750 --> 00:14:29.830 may also vary considerably. So with that in mind, 00:14:29.929 --> 00:14:33.049 please don't pick the cheapest guy that you find. 00:14:34.529 --> 00:14:37.110 You'll regret it later, I assure you.