WEBVTT 00:00:18.600 --> 00:00:20.579 Welcome back to Food for Thought, Thoughts If 00:00:20.579 --> 00:00:23.920 It Were You by Neogendrics. Now, in our last podcast, 00:00:24.179 --> 00:00:26.800 we were talking about anger management and the 00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:31.960 therapy behind it that people can use to help 00:00:31.960 --> 00:00:35.039 them with their anger issues. I'm going to pick 00:00:35.039 --> 00:00:37.960 up with that and we're going to keep going. If 00:00:37.960 --> 00:00:41.439 you are in employment, then your employer may 00:00:41.439 --> 00:00:44.560 offer counseling sessions either internally or 00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:48.140 with a local approved counselor. Your psychotherapist 00:00:48.140 --> 00:00:50.200 or counselor should be aware of any current historical 00:00:50.200 --> 00:00:53.399 medical conditions, including mental health and 00:00:53.399 --> 00:00:56.799 any addictions, so that the potential cause of 00:00:56.799 --> 00:00:59.759 anger may be identified that the sessions are 00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:04.700 tailored to complement any or other therapy that 00:01:04.700 --> 00:01:09.620 you may or may be having. The aim of the anger 00:01:09.620 --> 00:01:14.700 management counseling. Let me make this. straightforward 00:01:14.700 --> 00:01:20.140 as I can is to help you recognize what makes 00:01:20.140 --> 00:01:23.840 you angry triggers or catalysts for anger and 00:01:23.840 --> 00:01:29.099 to get you to ask questions about yourself about 00:01:29.099 --> 00:01:32.040 your anger such as what type of people or situations 00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:35.299 make you angry what do you do when you're angry 00:01:35.299 --> 00:01:38.859 and how does my anger affect other others around 00:01:38.859 --> 00:01:42.239 me of course this question Should already have 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:45.219 been asked by this point, but if you still haven't 00:01:45.219 --> 00:01:47.180 quite figured out how to ask yourself or even 00:01:47.180 --> 00:01:49.920 if it's become obvious to you, this is the point 00:01:49.920 --> 00:01:55.540 in which to do so. Okay? They're there to enable 00:01:55.540 --> 00:01:58.540 you to learn specific skills, you know, to help 00:01:58.540 --> 00:02:01.920 you manage triggers for anger effectively. They 00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:05.400 help you identify times when your thoughts do 00:02:05.400 --> 00:02:07.180 not lead to logical or rational conclusions. 00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:10.039 Your counselor will work with you to change how 00:02:10.039 --> 00:02:13.599 you think and react to certain situations. Okay? 00:02:14.379 --> 00:02:16.520 And going back to the relaxation techniques, 00:02:16.759 --> 00:02:18.319 they'll help teach you some of those to help 00:02:18.319 --> 00:02:21.919 keep you calm and peaceful, even when you have 00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:25.099 a surge of anger. Okay? And I'm not talking about 00:02:25.099 --> 00:02:28.539 meditation, though that does help for some people. 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:33.639 Okay? So, to help you learn how to be assertive, 00:02:33.659 --> 00:02:37.680 by being able to express yourself assertively, 00:02:37.780 --> 00:02:40.379 you will feel more in control of situations. 00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:44.000 And they teach you how to do that as well. If 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:48.060 you're not quite sure what that is or what that 00:02:48.060 --> 00:02:51.460 means, go ahead and look for my podcast. If I 00:02:51.460 --> 00:02:53.580 haven't already done it, I will do it on assertiveness, 00:02:53.780 --> 00:02:57.819 okay? They're there to help you learn problem 00:02:57.819 --> 00:03:01.250 solving techniques. for solving problems that 00:03:01.250 --> 00:03:05.449 can also help make you feel empowered and reduce 00:03:05.449 --> 00:03:07.610 the risk of triggering anger or frustration. 00:03:09.530 --> 00:03:12.189 Problem solving is definitely a cool thing to 00:03:12.189 --> 00:03:15.590 have. For those who don't know what it is or 00:03:15.590 --> 00:03:19.770 how to do it, they will teach you how to do it. 00:03:20.389 --> 00:03:31.680 Alright? Moving around along, furthermore, a 00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:35.919 therapist may help you to see that anger and 00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:38.840 calmness are not black and white emotions. As 00:03:38.840 --> 00:03:40.699 with all emotions, there are various degrees 00:03:40.699 --> 00:03:44.180 of anger, which we can be mildly irritated or 00:03:44.180 --> 00:03:47.840 in a full -blown rage. If you're in a full -blown 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:51.180 rage at this point, logical reasoning is out 00:03:51.180 --> 00:03:54.099 of the question. So, if you're trying to reason 00:03:54.099 --> 00:03:56.439 with someone who's like that, I suggest you step 00:03:56.439 --> 00:03:59.300 back. People who have been experiencing anger 00:03:59.300 --> 00:04:01.460 for a long time may have lost the ability to 00:04:01.460 --> 00:04:03.740 see that there are different levels of anger 00:04:03.740 --> 00:04:05.639 and a professional will help you readdress this 00:04:05.639 --> 00:04:07.819 imbalance and recognize the difference between, 00:04:08.180 --> 00:04:14.479 for example, irritation and fury. And yes, there 00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:18.740 is a difference. So, how do you know when you're 00:04:18.740 --> 00:04:21.839 angry? There are often both physical and emotional 00:04:21.839 --> 00:04:24.620 symptoms to anger, and by recognizing these, 00:04:24.779 --> 00:04:27.660 we can more likely... I'm sorry. We are more 00:04:27.660 --> 00:04:31.259 likely to be able to control them. When your 00:04:31.259 --> 00:04:32.720 thoughts don't line up with what you want to 00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:36.800 say. Possible physical signs of anger are... 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:40.000 I'm going to read a list here to you. You rub 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:42.600 your face frequently. Tightly clasp one hand 00:04:42.600 --> 00:04:46.480 within the other or make clenched fists. Clenching 00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:48.680 of the jaw or grinding teeth. Please don't do 00:04:48.680 --> 00:04:50.720 that. It's really unpleasant and it damages your 00:04:50.720 --> 00:04:53.839 teeth. Okay? shallow breathing lower breathlessness 00:04:53.839 --> 00:04:56.720 increased heart rate perspiring sweaty palms 00:04:56.720 --> 00:05:00.759 trembling or shaking lips or even your hands 00:05:00.759 --> 00:05:04.300 it does happen uh rocking motion while sitting 00:05:04.300 --> 00:05:08.500 that's actually really creepy uh pacing random 00:05:08.500 --> 00:05:14.500 pacing yeah they're not the same thing You become 00:05:14.500 --> 00:05:16.899 rude, you lose your sense of humor, you talk 00:05:16.899 --> 00:05:20.360 loud. This is predominant in select races, I 00:05:20.360 --> 00:05:24.819 will not say which ones. You develop cravings 00:05:24.819 --> 00:05:27.240 for things that you think may relax you, such 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:30.480 as tobacco, sugar, alcohol, drugs, comfort food, 00:05:30.740 --> 00:05:34.040 so on and so on. I'm going to be honest with 00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:35.600 you, eating does not help get rid of the anger. 00:05:35.720 --> 00:05:40.399 It just... irritate you more and for those who 00:05:40.399 --> 00:05:43.319 are concerned about their weight it just makes 00:05:43.319 --> 00:05:44.959 you fatter because your body's not going to be 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:46.439 able to process any of the foods you just ate 00:05:46.439 --> 00:05:51.319 possible emotional symptoms of anger are a desire 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:54.500 to run away from the situation irritations feeling 00:05:54.500 --> 00:05:58.519 sad or depressed feeling guilty or resentful 00:05:58.519 --> 00:06:02.939 anxiety feeling anxious can manifest in many 00:06:02.939 --> 00:06:06.149 different ways so keep that in mind A feeling 00:06:06.149 --> 00:06:08.850 or desire to lash out verbally or even physically. 00:06:09.129 --> 00:06:11.370 And you kind of want to avoid the second one, 00:06:11.430 --> 00:06:14.870 if at all possible. So, how do you rate anger? 00:06:14.990 --> 00:06:17.509 It is useful to be able to rate anger on some 00:06:17.509 --> 00:06:20.610 sort of scale. And therapists usually use a scale 00:06:20.610 --> 00:06:23.889 of 1 to 10. Now, low anger irritation may involve 00:06:23.889 --> 00:06:26.209 some of the lesser symptoms listed above. However, 00:06:26.870 --> 00:06:31.529 full -blown rage is likely to include more of 00:06:31.529 --> 00:06:34.610 the severe symptoms. and being aware of which 00:06:34.610 --> 00:06:37.050 symptoms occur when they appear makes it easier 00:06:37.050 --> 00:06:40.050 to rate your anger on a scale of one to ten and 00:06:40.050 --> 00:06:43.189 it makes also i'm sorry it may also make it easier 00:06:43.189 --> 00:06:45.610 to recognize what anger is building and then 00:06:45.610 --> 00:06:50.129 uh take some action to calm it down so anger 00:06:50.129 --> 00:06:52.750 is not a jump from calm to fury there are different 00:06:52.750 --> 00:06:56.410 levels and you know by being aware of these it 00:06:56.410 --> 00:06:59.290 can be easier to remain in control to relax and 00:06:59.290 --> 00:07:02.370 remain calm so we're gonna take a short break 00:07:02.370 --> 00:07:04.779 and then we're gonna cover how to have an anger 00:07:04.779 --> 00:07:11.399 plan as weird as that sounds um to resolve the 00:07:11.399 --> 00:07:14.279 solution to resolve the situation with a good 00:07:14.279 --> 00:07:19.120 possible solution it's monday i i have a hard 00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:29.310 time talking sorry sorry about that um I had 00:07:29.310 --> 00:07:31.509 to take a short break there. So, at the end of 00:07:31.509 --> 00:07:33.990 that slight bit where you heard me say I'm sorry, 00:07:34.149 --> 00:07:36.209 I'm actually talking to the guy helping me record 00:07:36.209 --> 00:07:40.569 this. It's a new friend of mine. His name is 00:07:40.569 --> 00:07:45.149 John. I asked him to join me in this podcast, 00:07:45.189 --> 00:07:46.689 but for whatever reason, he doesn't like being 00:07:46.689 --> 00:07:50.910 recorded. So, that aside, having an anger plan, 00:07:51.069 --> 00:07:53.910 okay? Recognizing where your current anger level 00:07:53.910 --> 00:07:58.199 is on a scale is important. It's the very first 00:07:58.199 --> 00:08:00.100 step to understanding and dealing with your anger. 00:08:00.180 --> 00:08:03.660 So, and it enables you to devise an anger plan. 00:08:04.699 --> 00:08:06.860 Anger plans are unique and personal to the individual 00:08:06.860 --> 00:08:09.620 with anger issues and often relate to specific 00:08:09.620 --> 00:08:14.120 circumstances or people that have been seen to 00:08:14.120 --> 00:08:16.899 cause anger. There are some generic components 00:08:16.899 --> 00:08:20.680 to an anger plan and these may include the following. 00:08:20.819 --> 00:08:24.160 So, this will help you get started. removing 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:26.180 yourself from the situation that triggers the 00:08:26.180 --> 00:08:29.040 anger so that you have space to gather your thoughts 00:08:29.040 --> 00:08:32.279 and calm down. On that note, changing the subject 00:08:32.279 --> 00:08:34.580 of the conversation, sometimes particularly topics 00:08:34.580 --> 00:08:37.580 of discussion, can include anger triggers, so 00:08:37.580 --> 00:08:39.659 steering the conversation in another direction 00:08:39.659 --> 00:08:43.019 can help minimize this. Of course, this also 00:08:43.019 --> 00:08:47.299 requires that you have the skill to, you know, 00:08:47.299 --> 00:08:49.960 converse with people and have the right kind 00:08:49.960 --> 00:08:54.629 of social skills to do so. Also, slowing down, 00:08:54.690 --> 00:08:58.669 counting to 10, or using some other strategy 00:08:58.669 --> 00:09:00.830 to slow down the pace of the conversation can 00:09:00.830 --> 00:09:04.110 sometimes help. Slowing down when you feel anger 00:09:04.110 --> 00:09:07.509 rising can help you regain some logical thought 00:09:07.509 --> 00:09:10.629 process, in which case this can also help you 00:09:10.629 --> 00:09:14.110 rationalize your situation and therefore avoid 00:09:14.110 --> 00:09:17.029 getting upset. I use this technique a lot, especially 00:09:17.029 --> 00:09:19.090 with people that I know or with women that I 00:09:19.090 --> 00:09:21.230 date, to keep me from getting upset with them. 00:09:21.580 --> 00:09:24.019 As a result, don't get me wrong, the stuff that 00:09:24.019 --> 00:09:26.340 they do, do irritate me. I mean, it's kind of 00:09:26.340 --> 00:09:28.039 hard not to get irritated over simple stuff. 00:09:28.179 --> 00:09:31.960 But, if you stop to think about it, before you 00:09:31.960 --> 00:09:34.179 respond, and this is something that my dad taught 00:09:34.179 --> 00:09:38.820 me, you can keep yourself from getting upset, 00:09:39.059 --> 00:09:41.620 saying something stupid, or even, for some guys, 00:09:41.700 --> 00:09:43.340 since they have a bad habit of doing this, raising 00:09:43.340 --> 00:09:48.289 your hand towards your beloved mate. Okay? But 00:09:48.289 --> 00:09:50.429 I know intentionally most guys don't intend to 00:09:50.429 --> 00:09:54.649 hit their girls or women or girlfriend, wives, 00:09:54.889 --> 00:09:57.789 what have you. But they end up doing it out of 00:09:57.789 --> 00:10:00.509 spite or out of anger without thinking about 00:10:00.509 --> 00:10:03.389 it. This in turn makes it so that the girl goes 00:10:03.389 --> 00:10:06.450 crying for help and therefore they get in trouble 00:10:06.450 --> 00:10:10.970 and or arrested. So, and then the last thing, 00:10:11.029 --> 00:10:13.830 and I know I keep repeating this, I guess I should 00:10:13.830 --> 00:10:16.639 probably cover it, but not right now. relaxation 00:10:16.639 --> 00:10:18.639 techniques including the breathing exercises 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:21.779 i talked about last time and some visualizations 00:10:21.779 --> 00:10:36.919 okay all right so to finalize what we're covering 00:10:36.919 --> 00:10:40.980 for anger management the last thing i want you 00:10:40.980 --> 00:10:44.720 to do This is the last thing that I'm going to 00:10:44.720 --> 00:10:46.279 ask you to do. And this is something you should 00:10:46.279 --> 00:10:50.440 do normally anyway. Keep an anger journal. By 00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:53.000 keeping a record of when you become angry and 00:10:53.000 --> 00:10:56.139 for whatever reasons, it can help you understand 00:10:56.139 --> 00:10:59.539 your anger more comprehensively. Now, keeping 00:10:59.539 --> 00:11:03.559 a journal can be a very powerful method of anger 00:11:03.559 --> 00:11:06.200 management. The act of writing down the emotions 00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:09.419 and feelings associated with anger before, during, 00:11:09.500 --> 00:11:13.029 and after an anger episode can help focus the 00:11:13.029 --> 00:11:16.509 mind. Re -reading an anger journal helps to identify 00:11:16.509 --> 00:11:18.710 techniques for anger management that worked well 00:11:18.710 --> 00:11:22.889 and also those that didn't work or help in various 00:11:22.889 --> 00:11:27.490 circumstances. So, to summarize everything that 00:11:27.490 --> 00:11:31.429 we've covered in the last two episodes and in 00:11:31.429 --> 00:11:34.960 the episode that I covered anger in. Anger management 00:11:34.960 --> 00:11:37.899 therapy is based around the belief that knowledge 00:11:37.899 --> 00:11:40.659 is power. So, arming yourself with knowledge 00:11:40.659 --> 00:11:43.159 about your anger, understanding it more fully 00:11:43.159 --> 00:11:45.659 can give you the power to recognize and control 00:11:45.659 --> 00:11:47.879 how you feel in any given circumstance. Now, 00:11:47.899 --> 00:11:51.480 keep this in mind. This doesn't 100 % solve the 00:11:51.480 --> 00:11:54.539 problem. This just helps you get started. That's 00:11:54.539 --> 00:11:57.879 the whole point of my podcast. But, like I mentioned 00:11:57.879 --> 00:11:59.700 before, this is stuff for you to think about 00:11:59.700 --> 00:12:01.600 and consider. Now, you don't have to use any 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:06.019 of the information that I gave you. However, 00:12:06.019 --> 00:12:09.940 when push comes to shove and you're backed into 00:12:09.940 --> 00:12:13.659 a corner, you don't always have a choice as to 00:12:13.659 --> 00:12:16.240 what you want to do. Sometimes you have to do 00:12:16.240 --> 00:12:18.259 what you don't want to do or do what you have 00:12:18.259 --> 00:12:21.320 to do to resolve the situation as fast and as 00:12:21.320 --> 00:12:24.299 easy as possible so that everybody's comfortable 00:12:24.299 --> 00:12:26.940 and happy to be around you and no one breaks 00:12:26.940 --> 00:12:30.879 out in a fit of rage, anger, Pulsing and fists 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:33.279 flying. To the point where someone either gets 00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:38.679 hurt. Killed or shot. Okay. So. That being said. 00:12:38.840 --> 00:12:40.659 This is food for thought. Thoughts that fit where 00:12:40.659 --> 00:12:44.340 you. With neogentrics. Always always consider 00:12:44.340 --> 00:12:47.179 your actions. The way you do things. How you 00:12:47.179 --> 00:12:49.279 do things. And how it affects the people around 00:12:49.279 --> 00:12:51.659 you. Remember. We live in a world where we have 00:12:51.659 --> 00:12:53.779 to coexist with the people around us. And it's 00:12:53.779 --> 00:12:57.379 not all about you. If you can remember that. 00:12:57.960 --> 00:13:00.139 and at least take in some of what I've covered 00:13:00.139 --> 00:13:03.500 in the last four episodes about the different 00:13:03.500 --> 00:13:06.399 topics that I covered, especially the last three 00:13:06.399 --> 00:13:09.220 episodes, including this one, and that three 00:13:09.220 --> 00:13:12.120 for anger, well then, you should be able to resolve 00:13:12.120 --> 00:13:15.700 any personal problems that you have. With that 00:13:15.700 --> 00:13:20.840 being said, I feel I should probably move into, 00:13:21.019 --> 00:13:25.899 for those who don't have anger issues, Let's 00:13:25.899 --> 00:13:29.360 cover aggression next and then how to recognize 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:33.899 aggression in other people. But with that, for 00:13:33.899 --> 00:13:39.879 a later date, we'll cover that. So, again, thank 00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:41.740 you for listening and enjoy the rest of your 00:13:41.740 --> 00:13:41.940 day.